In the first episode of Purposeful Living, Maeva dives into how confidence is a skill that can be built like anything else.
Follow Maeva on Instagram for more content: https://instagram.com/purposefulliving.co
Want some 1:1 coaching with Maeva? Fill out this form: https://forms.gle/RfBKV8MpCiZu7vBy8
In the first episode of Purposeful Living, Maeva dives into how confidence is a skill that can be built like anything else.
Follow Maeva on Instagram for more content: https://instagram.com/purposefulliving.co
Want some 1:1 coaching with Maeva? Fill out this form: https://forms.gle/RfBKV8MpCiZu7vBy8
All right, well, we're recording now. This is finally officially my first episode of the Purposeful living.co podcast. My name's Maif Fuentes. I'm your host and I can't believe that I'm actually, I. Recording this today. Um, I've been procrastinating this for so long. Um, I don't know why. I guess fear of showing up fear of something going wrong, diving again into something completely new that I've never done before. But finally, I've just, I put the date on the calendar. and I said, you're gonna record the first episode today. Um, I've had so many ideas. I'm really excited. But before, before I even, you know, keep rambling cuz I'll probably be rambling for a while cause I have so many ideas. I just want to dive a little bit into this podcast. Um, so I've called it the Purposeful Living, purposeful living.co. If it's so hard to come up with a podcast name, to be honest, I may change it down the line. Um, But it's kind of encapsulates the idea of what I wanna be talking about here. I've been super passionate my whole life about the skills that you can build to improve your life. I've learned over time that everything is a skill. Confidence is a skill. you can learn it just the same as you can learn how to play the piano or you can learn how to ride a bike or how to tie your shoe. It's a muscle memory. It's something you can learn and you can practice. Communication is a skill, uh, building and nurturing. Relationships are skills. Understanding yourself, calming your nervous system, all that stuff are skills that you can actually build. You can use tools and practice them and get better at them until the point that it becomes muscle memory and it feels natural to you. Um, so all of these kind of skills, they feel really awkward at first. because you don't have the neural pathways built yet. When I am trying to learn a new language right now, I'm trying, oh my God. So it's, sorry, it's June right now in, um, I'm in Barcelona. This is where I live at the moment. And it's a few weeks before holiday called Sanwan. Sorry, I'm just going on a tangent. Cause it was a firework. You might have heard the, the explosion. Um, but so San Juan is a holiday where everybody's just letting off. Fireworks all over the city, especially on the beach. But that's on the 23rd of June and um, they're already starting to set them off right now. So I may be a little bit, a little bit jumpy. You might hear some, some explosions back there. Uh, but anyway, back to the topic. So, Uh, as like right now I'm trying to learn Italian. I've been taking Italian classes for a couple of years. Uh, I don't really practice that much to be honest. I do maybe two hours a week and some weeks I go without cause I get too busy with work. And I'll dive into my, what my work is a little bit later. Uh, but it feels really awkward. I'm not good at it. It's not natural, it's not smooth. Uh, I have to sit there and think, and the only way to move forward is to allow myself to feel awkward and just go through it anyway. Um, confidence is the willingness to try something. Simple as that. Uh, I speak Spanish. Now I've learned, I speak five, well, I guess we could say four and a half. Cause I kind of forgot Catalan. I did learn it here. I got to like a B2 level and then I just totally stopped using it. Um, so now I really struggle with it, especially Italians kind of taken its place in my brain. but, uh, I've learned a few languages and you now, like Spanish, for example, I speak it su super fluently. I can watch any movie without subtitles. I can enter any conversation. I've even ran sales calls in Spanish business meetings in in Spanish. Uh, it's fine. I'm comfortable with it. Yes. Sometimes I mix up the genders still. I do still have an accent, and if I'm really tired, then it's harder, but generally it's fluent. Um, and I had to be able to get through these kind of awkward phases where I'm like, this doesn't sound right. I feel stupid. Uh, it doesn't feel natural. That's kind of the trick. It doesn't feel natural, but you push through it anyway. And that's, um, I strongly believe that confidence and communication are. Skills in exactly the same way that you can learn. Um, it doesn't feel natural at first for a lot of people, but the thing is, yeah, some people might be more confident when they're born or I, I honestly think it's because they've been, I. unconsciously taught these skills as a, as a child by their parents. Um, or, you know, they've been in circumstances where it made it easier to learn these skills. Like here, there are natural bilinguals because they're in Barcelona, so they go to school in Catalan and then they speak Spanish in the streets. So yeah, they're natural. So I think that same with people who seem like they're naturally confident, uh, or naturally great communicators. Or naturally understand how to set their boundaries and stop eating when they're full or, you know, spend money wisely. It's not because, I mean, some of them are super disciplined, whatever. Some of them, it's natural. I think a lot of them, it's just taught behaviors and skills that you train and muscle memory that you create. So as you build more and more of these pathways, uh, it's actually neuron pathways. It's all your brain, it's all science. None of this is woowoo as much as people wanna make it seem. And this is a big thing that I wanna do in this podcast, is kind of translate the WOOWOO stuff. A lot of it has been very helpful to me. Manifestation stuff, hypnosis, but it sounds totally ridiculous and it took me so long for me to kind of. Just dissect it. I come from a more kind of empirical way of thinking and it sounds, it sounds really contradictory cause I also love astrology, but uh, I still need facts. I still need to understand it rationally, and I'm always open to things that can be helpful to me. I strongly believe in the power of, Belief and just that the fact that you believe in something is gonna make it work. And this again, in later episodes, I'm gonna kind of break that down into, uh, a, a way that makes actual sense and it doesn't sound like total hippie shit. Uh, no offense to, you know, hippie kind of people. Um, but anyway, back to the brain. So, uh, I studied psychology, and this is something I'll explain in, in a sec when I explain my story and my background. Um, but all of this stuff is happening at the level of the brain. It's chemicals, it's neuron pathways. So as you practice something more and more and more, your neuron pathways start to do something called myelination. So basically, neuron pathways is a neuron, is a brain cell, and it's like one brain cell. Uh, Sending communication to another one. And so if I make these associations, if I learn something, those get strengthened. Uh, this is probably basic stuff, you might already know it, but it's called myelination. So myelination is the creation of myelin sheaths, which insulate and cover the neuron axon, which allows it to fire faster. So as you myelinate things, uh, the connection becomes faster. It becomes easy to the point where it becomes muscle memory and. Starts to feel natural, but the only way to get to that point, like walking when you're a baby, which also feels really weird and awkward when you start doing it. Just the same as practicing confidence and practicing communication and practicing anything. Um, it feels awkward as at first, and as you keep doing it, as you build that competence, uh, the myelin sheaths actually start to form around the neuron axon. The axon is the connection. I think I might've already mentioned that, but that allows it to fire faster and it becomes more natural. So right now you probably have all these like automatic reactions. You're an adult. I imagine listening to this, you've built a lot of habits. You may have possibly built in passive aggressiveness or uh, automatic responses to things that you don't even know is happening. You're not even aware of it. Why? Because it's such a strong muscle memory. It's just happening, you know, like when you're driving somewhere. I used to drive, so I'm from Southern California. Um, and I used to go to univer, go to school. Sorry, I speak weird. I speak like half American English, half UK English. Cause I've been in Europe for so long. So I was gonna say on my way to uni, uh, now on my way to college, I guess, uh, I would either take the freeway, I would either get, not get on the freeway and go to work at in-N-Out Burger, or I would get on the freeway and drive for about 15 minutes to uni. And, um, I sometimes I would just n. I would just end up somewhere and sometimes I'd end up at the wrong place. Like I'd be meant to be driving to work, but I wasn't paying attention. I ended up at uni in my regular parking spot and I was like, how did this happen? So this is these neuron pathways that have been so strengthened that it feels natural. Same with walking as a baby. So I'm repeating all these examples cause I just want it to. Uh, for you to get this clear image of what it's like. So right now what most people have is these subconscious reactions to things like how you react when somebody hurts you. Even the fact of getting hurt sometimes is an automatic reaction that you're not even aware of if you've also suppressed your emotions for a while, which is something we are going to be talking about in later episodes. you might have some kind of reaction that you're not even aware of and it's like, feels like a weird feeling in your stomach. Uh, or you get upset for something and you don't even know why. Again, it's these neural pathways that have been strengthened since childhood, so you can actually retrain those. Um, and it's sci scientific, it's something that everybody has the ability to do. Um, so just as a bit of a, what is the word I'm looking for? Um, Ah, man analogy, uh, let's say that the nerve cell, the neuron is a grocery store. Um, so the axon, which is the, yeah, the neuro, the neural axon and the neuron axon, which is the kind of the pathway between the brain cells is like the people inside of the grocery store. So they're walking around, they're grabbing stuff, they're moving things around, and they're basically the ones who distribute the food and information. To where it needs to be so that they can actually leave the store. Um, and then if you're thinking about the mile in sheath, it's like the carts in the store. So it makes it, it makes you able to move things around faster. If people put things into the carts, you can actually push it, you can carry more. Um, the bigger the carts are, you know, the, like yeah. The bigger that you build them, the more information that people can carry out into the next cell. Um, So if you think about it that way, you can see as you're building these, these myelin sheaths, it's w becomes way, way easier to move this kind of information around almost on autopilot. Um, and it actually changes the shape of your brain doing this kind of exercise, doing these kind of. Uh, just practices, practicing, becoming better at confidence, practicing, becoming better at communication, at understanding your body, at sex, at, at eating all of these things which have such a huge impact on your life. They actually, Change the shape and size of your brain. Um, so there's this neuroscientist called Eleanor McGuire from University College London. She got this idea where she was like, I'm gonna study London Cab drivers, um, because. They seem to remember how to get everywhere. I know here in Barcelo, I mean cab drivers everywhere. They have to remember the whole city, how to get everywhere. I live in this um, this like little square in Barcelona that for some reason the cab drivers never know where it is. And I've been living, well, I've been living in Barcelona for almost 10 years, but here in this little square for like three years and every single time I get a taxi, which is pretty often cause I always get one to and from the airport, I tell them my address and they're like, Is that in Barcelona? Like is that in, is this in Barcelona? Um, and they want me like to describe the area, why they refuse to type it into the, they refuse to just type it in Google Maps, like just put it in Google Maps, yo. But there's obviously some kind of pride, uh, around being able to remember where everything is. So they don't type it in, they just wanna remember where it is. And for some reason this one place, they never know, but I could tell them any other address and they'll never type it in. They'll just go there. And that's because London cab drivers, or London just cab drivers in general have, uh, hyper developed areas in their brain that remember that, um, is responsible for spatial memory. So this Eleanor McGuire, she did a study on London cab drivers. Um, She followed a group of 79 taxi drivers for four years to measure the growth of their hippo campi. Um, I'll explain the hippocampus. So the hippocampus is responsible for long-term memory and spatial navigation, spatial memory, uh, those kind of things. So basically the cab drivers in London to earn their license and I think it's probably similar to most, to other places. They have to spend three or four years. Driving around the city on mopeds, they have to memorize about 25,000 streets within a 10 kilometer radius of sharing, cr, sharing cross train station, and thousands of tourist tracks and hotspots. They just have to memorize it. So, um, McGuire, Eleena, McGuire, she followed them for four years and then actually did a brain scan using an MRI and their hippocampi, like I said, which is the plural of hippocampus, which is this little. Uh, seahorse shaped area of the brain in the back of the brain, uh, responsible for spatial navigation, ballooned. It was bigger than average people. Not only was it bigger than average people, but it grew, theirs grew. So it's not like they started with the bigger one. They started with the same size as average people, and as they started studying all of these streets, it actually grew bigger. So this stuff that you're remembering is actually getting stored in the brain as. Physical matter that takes up space. It's the same way, like on your computer, I don't know if you know this, but if you save like server space, the cloud, um, you know, information, your emails, they take up physical space. It's not just. in, you know, the air or whatever. They have servers. I don't know how big, like if, if I Google right now, uh, how much land space, I'm actually just typing it in, uh, do Google servers. Need or use? Um, Google data centers? Yeah. I can't really tell, but it's like acres and acres. Oh yeah. Google purchased 250 acres, uh, in one place. 520 acres, 800 acres. These are the data centers, so they have like a bunch of data centers and, uh, hold on. Let me see if I can find it. Where are they located? So yeah, they have a bunch of data centers all over the world and they're. Each like so big. So they have one Oklahoma, 980,000 square feet, 337,000 square feet in North Carolina, 200,000 in Oregon, 200,000 in Iowa. But they have some all over the world. So they have 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 in North America. They have one in South America, two in Asia, 1, 2, 3, 4 in Europe. That's a lot of space, yo. And that's just to hold all of that information and data. So information takes space and it's not just something that exists, um, theoretically. It's not intangible, it's tangible. It takes space. So it takes space digitally, and it takes space in your brain when you're the one who's holding it physically. So if you're imagining that this is actual physical storage of information and creating the path, faster pathways to get through them, then you can understand that actually, if you're practicing these things that might feel uncomfortable at first, practicing confidence practicing, um, Communication, all of the things that I said. Any sport, you actually start to get better at it because you are forming those brain cells and forming the pathways between them. I believe that you can build these for, yeah, like I said, confidence, communication, productivity, relaxation. Some of us have to learn how to do that. Time management and even having fun. So that's what I wanna talk about. In this podcast, and I'm gonna bring the science into it, and, uh, I'm gonna talk about how to design and live your life purposely through communication, uh, communication with your body. Communication with your mind, uh, with your time, your lovers, your partners, coworkers, your family, and your friends. Uh, I'll be diving deep into science life experiences, my life experiences, other people's life experiences. I've done a lot of work, uh, on myself and this space. So, um, it's been a really exciting journey for me. I, I'll talk about, um, you know, the difference between coaching, therapy, somatic healing. And I'm gonna try to break down all the woo woos, so that actually makes sense. Um, I'm gonna give actual exercises that you can practice in real life and at home to improve these skills. And we're gonna connect how your entire lifestyle and habits contribute to living your best life. And stop having to think, oh, I am just this way, because that's not the case. You are just that way because that's what you've been practicing, and you can change those things. You can build a growth mindset, uh, and a growth mindset allows anything to happen. Really. I'm sitting here recording this podcast for the first time by myself, which is a neural pathway. I'm gonna have to build um, because I have had a podcast before. I have a podcast for my marketing agency, but I've always had guests, um, guests on it that I interview. So I've never really actually sat down here and recorded a podcast by myself. So that's why I was procrastinating this morning, and I thought it was pretty interesting because I'm currently doing a coaching certification. Side note, I am launching a confidence coaching program. Um, and this is, this podcast is gonna be like little bits and bobs from that. Um, I mean, it's gonna be all of the learnings and all the kind of things I'm gonna be coaching people on based on my, um, you know, training and psychology and coaching certification. Uh, but that's gonna be just a lot more custom and specific and like dealing with problems one-on-one. But all of the stuff that we're gonna be talking about in this podcast, I hope to be super applicable. If you can grab that and take it on your own. Um, I think that everything really, oh yeah. So, oh, I was, what was I saying? Oh, yeah. That I, uh, have been procrastinating and I was studying, like that's one of the symptoms of self-doubt is just procrastinating and hesitating. And I, if, when I tell you I've been wanting to record this podcast since I think November of last year, and it's June and I've just been. Procrastinating. Why? Cause I have a lot of fears around it. Cause I'm like, well, a, I'm jumping into a new space. I've been in B2B marketing. I'm continuing to be in B2B marketing. That's my main source of business. Um, this is a passion of mine. Something that I've been wanting to do. Well, I'm sweating. It's like June. This is starting. Um, This is something that I've been wanting to do for a really long time. Um, it's some, it's what I spent all my time reading about, what I spent all my time listening to, podcasts, all, everybody I follow on Instagram is about this kind of stuff. And I just wanted to say what I have to say cause I have a lot to say that I think could be really helpful. But I've been hesitating. Yeah. Because I'm afraid of launching a new business. I'm afraid of, um, not having enough to say, which is dumb because. I have so much to say. I was getting so excited preparing for this episode, and I was like, no, I'm gonna go off on too many tangents, which I did a little bit. But, um, I have so much to say about this stuff and so many things I've practiced and learned and overcome. Um, and I think it's gonna be really helpful to a lot of people. And frankly, I was also afraid because I know that I'm gonna have to start. An Instagram account for this. And I'm already so like on LinkedIn so much. Um, but there, I just talk about SEO and marketing most of the time. Uh, but I know I'm gonna have to start an Instagram, start building this kind of audience, which makes me really nervous. Cause then I'm gonna have to be, uh, It feels weird even saying it, but you know what? I'm just gonna practice it. It's kinda like an influencer, I guess, that I'm gonna have to build that audience. Uh, I guess we don't have to call it that. There's just such a negative connotation. I don't have any problems with it. I love influencers. I love people who influence me and who have helped me in my life. That's what I consider an influencer. Um, there's a lot of people who are. I'm just so weird about it, and I guess I've been afraid to be seen, afraid to put myself out there, afraid to be judged. Uh, but you know what? It's gonna help a lot of people. The people who are judgmental, um, they're just sitting back and being judgmental. So that's not my problem. They're always gonna be there. And I need to get over that fear. And if it's gonna be somebody close to me who's gonna judge me, well then I may have to rethink the people that are close to me. Cuz I just want to, um, do the things that I love and be able to put myself out there and help people. And I have helped so many people already in my life with this kind of stuff, um, with building their confidence, learning how to communicate. Um, it's really life changing thing. So I, uh, yeah, just took that first step today and dived into there. Um, and yeah, it's basically how to use all of this information to make your life a conscious and purposeful decisions that the place you nothing is due to external factors that you take control of how you feel, uh, and how your life is going. And that is the reason for the podcast. So, Now a little bit of background about me. Um, you probably don't know me again, my name is Mava, so I, I grew up in Southern California. and I got my degree in psychology. I wanted to become a therapist. I ended up doing five years of psychology. I studied a bit of clinical psychology, abnormal psychology. Uh, I did a, a year and a half stint in a hospital, and I've always been really, really, really into psychology. And, uh, I didn't pursue it early on, so I graduated and. Um, my grandma, uh, who lives in Paris, lived in Paris. Now she has passed away. Bless her soul. She got, um, dementia. My, she had just. basically. She had spent many years, my grandpa got Alzheimer's and um, she was a nurse. That's how they met actually. It's quite a cute story. Uh, cuz he had been some prisoner of World War ii and um, he got out and he was in the hospital and she nursed him back to life when she was very young, learning like, I think she was still studying to be a nurse. Um, and they had a beautiful story. And um, then he got Alzheimer's and she nursed him to the end and then, A few years later, she. Basically realized that she had dementia and I mean, she felt it way before anybody. And I was just listening to this podcast episode by a, a neurologist yesterday, was it yesterday or this morning? Anyway, really recently saying that the damaging factors, the things that contribute to dementia and that actually the damage that starts happening in your brain actually starts happening like 20 years before the signs or symptoms like the actual dementia kicks in. Um, so she must have noticed it cause it was like, it was a. I mean, it went pretty fast after she noticed, but um, she started feeling it before anybody else did. So she actually, uh, tried to, sorry, like trigger warning, actually. Uh, I, quick, quick, talk about taking your life. You can skip. One minute ahead. Uh, but she, she did try to kill herself. Um, and I won't go into any details about that, but she ended up going, coming back, uh, to California to spend some time with us. Um, my mom made a beautiful room for her cause my sister, she was my sister's old room and uh, she had gone to university. So my mom made set up the room for her and he was beautiful and she stayed with us and he was really nice. But then since she's French and we were in the US she had to move back to France and go back by herself. And, um, I had just graduated and I was like, you know what? I'm just gonna go to France. With her. Cause I didn't know any of my other grandparents. I wanted to get to know my grandma. And of course, like, I'm gonna go to Paris after I've graduated. I was obsessed with moving abroad. I al I never felt like I fit in at home. Um, I still don't feel like I fit in at home. I don't really feel like I fit in anywhere. But that's another, that's another talk, uh, for another episode. Um, but I really wanted to go, so I ended up going with her and all my friends were like, what about job security? What are you gonna do, uh, for work? And I was like, I don't know. I'll figure it out. So I got a job as a bartender, um, at this like nightclub slash Irish pub. Uh, and I lived and worked there for about two years. It was a, it was a pub that was just next door to Mulan Rouge. Had a lot of fun. I was like 21, 22. Uh, drank a lot. worked from 9:00 PM to 6:00 AM in the mornings. And then, um, I wasn't, you know, after a while I wasn't really into it. Mostly, I mean, for several reasons. One, I was like, this is not a sustainable lifestyle cause I'm drinking so much fucking alcohol. Excuse me. Um, but also I just never really liked, uh, being employed. I always have been more ambitious, but I didn't really know what to do. So actually before I, before I left, uh, the US I started getting into freelance translation, which my parents were both doing. And I started doing that more as like an extra way to get cash. Cause I saw that they were, um, making money. I mean, they were making a living off of it. And I spoke okay, French, um, and I wrote really well in English. I've always been a good writer. Uh, decent writer, I guess. And so I was translating documents from French into English kind of on the side. So I was, um, bartending and then I just remember so vividly this weekend, this one weekend where, um, my family came to visit and they went to like Berlin and Barcelona or something for a weekend, and I requested the weekend off and my boss told me no. and I was like, what do you mean? No. So I couldn't go. I couldn't go with my, with my family. And in that moment I was like, What the hell, how can somebody, how can somebody control my life like that to where I can't even go on weekend with my family somewhere and I'm in Paris? I'm, it's not like it's, well, I was building my career towards something. It was literally just a job for money. Um, so I was like, this can't happen. So I started going a little more harder on this freelance translation, mainly because, Uh, it was the only thing that I could think of to do, so then I was getting harder and harder on this and I felt some imposter syndrome. I felt like I needed to get some kind of official thing. The translation industry is super unregulated, um, and I just wanted to somehow prove that I was skilled to do it. So I wanted to get a master's in, um, business and legal translation. Um, so I applied to a few places. I, I couldn't get into the one in Paris, so I had to leave, which sucks cause I, I would've stayed there. I mean, I'm happy I did now, but I would've totally stayed in Paris. I loved living there. So I got accepted in Dublin. Where else did I apply? I think I applied in Dublin, Galway, and London. Um, and uh, I got accepted to all three of them. But the only reason I chose London was because they let me split up the payment of tuition, whereas other ones wanted me to pay tuition upfront. That was literally my deciding factor. Um, and I just didn't have the cash flow cause I was just, you know, bartending and, um, So I decided to go to London. I worked really hard. I saved up all my tip money and uh, I paid that tuition, uh, bit by bit where I, uh, I stayed in London for almost a year. I, it was the first time ever that I launched that I didn't have a day job cause I always had some kind of other job. Uh, I had been working and hustling since I was 15. Um, even younger really. Cause I was. Always been a bit entrepreneurial, finding ways to make money. Uh, but it was the first time like I launched and having to live by myself, support myself and um, with my freelance degree and freelance work. And it was really hard, I have to say cuz I didn't really know what I was getting into. I was making horrible money. Um, and I do not enjoy living there. I love London. I'm actually most likely going to move to London next. Year, um, for Love We'll see, uh, what happens there. But that's the plan right now. But anyway, at the time I wasn't making any money and I hated it. I couldn't do anything. It literally cost like five pounds, 10 pounds a day to get around in London, five pounds one way and five pounds the other way. I was so in shock when I was there recently, cause I've started going there once a month now. and I was looking at my bank statement and I was like, 10 pounds, 10 pounds tube, uh, and I was like, oh, maybe it like accumulated everything for the week and maybe it added it all up. Uh, but. Then the next day it said 10 pounds again. I was like, that's weird. Why is this happening? And then I realized it was 10 pounds a day that I was spending on the tube. For reference, I'm spending like 11 euro olds a month here in Barcelona to travel around maybe 15. So it's a really big price difference. Um, so it was really intense for me when I wasn't making a lot of money. And then I basically moved to Barcelona at the end of my master's degree. Our tutors were like, you can study anywhere that you want. Um, because you can do Skype. We had Skype back then. I don't even know. Does Skype still exists now? Um, but we had Skype back then and we were, they said you could just Skype your tutor and you can go anywhere. I don't know, Barcelona got a light bulb in my head within two weeks. At the time I only owned, um, oh suitcase. worth of stuff and within two weeks I was gone and I had moved here to Barcelona where I've been since 2014. Um, so I got there. I didn't know what I was doing. Uh, and pretty soon, when was it? I think it was that same year I met, uh, my ex. So I got into a four year long. Long distance relationship. It was, we lived in the same place for about six months when he was doing Erasmus. I was very young, he was even younger. Um, so he definitely changed a lot and I changed a lot during the course of the relationship. But he was from Switzerland and he moved back to Switzerland, um, and Geneva. And we were doing this long distance relationship for almost four years. Uh, it ended up becoming an open relationship. which I will have another episode about. And it was horrible. Uh, you know, I don't, I don't not believe in polyamory for some people, but what I guess it did teach me was that I am a monogamous person. Um, and so I got into all of this cause I did know how to communicate my needs, let alone identify my needs. I, um, Oh man. I was in such a place then where I really didn't know myself. What was I like 23, 24 at that time. Um, so like most people that age, I didn't really see my value. I was pretty insecure and I certainly didn't know how to, that's the thing. It wasn't so much I didn't know how to communicate. I mean, I didn't know how to communicate my needs. I was, um, I communicated them pretty passive aggressively, like a lot of people do. I hadn't learned how to communicate. as a child growing up, that's not something that is taught in school or that was taught in my family. Um, which is fine. It's not taught in most families because most people are not, don't have these skills, uh, for themselves or to teach to, to their children. It's not something that's widely taught. Um, so, you know, we didn't really do, do a lot of work on our identifying our emotions and feeling strong and capable of. asking for our needs and setting our boundaries without being nasty about it. Cause I think that's kind of the fear that everybody has around communicating boundaries. It's like, oh, well then I gotta be a bitch. Or people are like, oh yeah, I'm so good at communicating my boundaries, but they're actually rude and bitchy about it. Um, so there is no education on how do you find that middle ground where actually you're graceful and you're kind and, um, Caring and compassionate and thinking, considering the other person, but meanwhile, staying super firm in your boundaries and having your needs met and being able to leave a situation when they're not getting met. We don't have this education and I certainly didn't have it when I was in this relationship, so, There was a lot of things that I ended up having to do that I didn't really want to do, and I was making a lot of sacrifices. For example, we were long distance and, and this guy was, um, like this communist anarchist. Um, and he, well, first of all, he lived in a squat with like 30 people. Um, it was disgusting. I'm sorry, but I mean, the people were. Fine, but, but the state of like, the cleanliness, um, let me tell you was like sometimes I almost didn't even wanna shower because I didn't want to get into the showers because they were so nasty. People didn't really clean. They were like, yeah, we're gonna all work out these things together. Everybody has responsibility, but. Um, in my experience, not only in my business, but as I was seeing here, when everybody has a responsibility, nobody has a responsibility and nothing gets done because nobody actually has ownership of it. So yeah, side tangent. I would always be staying at this place. I. That I hated staying at. And he would always be with his friends, and he would, I always thought it was interesting that he was always like, oh, I have to be such a good person. I'm a hero. I'm saving everybody. My work is the most important work ever. Um, and it was more of a sociological thing because it was always some people who never asked for their help. Uh, like some, some workers, some farmers who literally never asked for their help. But it was, these, the people who lived at their this house were like, um, like their parents were bankers and like well off. And so they didn't really understand consequences of their actions. I remember they would drag me to these things where I could get arrested, like a lot of them got arrested, but nothing would ever happen to them cuz they would just get bailed out or you know, their parents would help them out. I didn't have that luxury, so, and neither were the people, they were supposedly helping. Um, so it was really stressful time for me, but since I was in love, I would keep going to these things and like trying to be supportive. Um, and it also meant that I couldn't take planes to go see him. So I would have to take buses and trains cuz he would be super judgmental if I ever took a plane. I remember I was, I've always been a big traveler. I loved traveling. And when I first started meeting him, um, he would be like, don't you feel guilty for taking a plane? And so I know that it's high, uh, carbon. Uh, what's the word I'm looking for? Yeah, I have a higher carbon footprint. I mean, I do other things to kind of balance it out. Um, but yeah, basically he was guilt tripping me about it. And to go see him, I would have to take a 14 hour bus ride or like a seven hour train back and forth and, um, that's really stressful on me. Even traveling, like I travel a lot now, now I'm again in a long distance relationship, but I can take planes and it's exhausting. Let me tell you. Like I have to take so much care of myself when I come back to really just relax and chill out. Um, and that was so taxing on me. But of course I didn't really realize it cuz I wasn't in touch with my body. Um, so there was that, and I remember there was so many red flags when I first met him. Um, oh, I was so obsessed with him. He thought he was so beautiful and he showed no interest in me because I didn't speak Spanish yet, and he just wanted to learn Spanish and he was just very kind of transactional with the people. Like they, whoever he hung out with, it wasn't just for them. It either had to be, um, somebody that he felt like he was helping. Like he would love to hang out with refugees or immigrants. Um, and they were lovely people. They were amazing. I loved it as well. But it was, it always felt a little bit transactional with him. Like he had to be helping them in some way, um, to make himself feel better. But it wasn't necessarily cuz um, he loved them as people. But, um, I mean, I don't know. I feel like I'm talking so much crap right now. This is just, you know, and everybody has their path and I really don't mean this. This is just the experience that I had. So I'm just explaining how I felt about the situation and how, um, you know, he was, he was a great person. He is a great person. It just wasn't compatible for me. It's just not the lifestyle that I wanted, and it was causing me stress. Um, and I, it just kept living a lifestyle because I thought it's what I had to do. I thought I had to sacrifice my needs in order to be in this relationship. So, um, No judgment. Uh, but uh, yeah, so there was a bit of a red flag when I first met. When I first started like talking to him. I remember he, um, finally, it wasn't even a date really, cuz he never officially asked me on a date cuz he never made an effort to try to date me. Uh, but he asked me to hang out one time and he told me to meet me at this fountain. And I sat there and I waited for like, Half an hour and he never showed up and never texted me. And then I think I'd left. I can't remember what happened exactly cause it was a really long time ago. But, uh, he basically texted me later and was like, sorry I got caught up talking to a homeless man or something like that. Could have, could have texted me and just been like, I'm gonna be late, or texted me and said, I'm caught in a conversation right now or anything, but of course I was like, oh, it's fine, it's fine. When do you wanna hang out with next? Uh, yeah, never again, but, and that's kind of, I've been in few situations like that few, not a few, but like not too many. Um, and I just ignored those things. I just thought that that's kind of what was love and that mm. All of these stories of men being wonderful and making an effort and chasing women, um, and the women not having to make that effort, not having to bend themselves backwards. Uh, I don't know what I thought, but I think it was kind of like I, it wasn't for me. Like I would see it for other women and be like, yeah, but that's for them because they're those kind of women and men do that for them, but they're not gonna do it for me because I'm mava. And for some reason I am special in that way to where people don't give a shit and aren't gonna make the effort. I'm the one who has to make the effort. Um, so long story short, I finally got outta that. I broke up with him. Um, it was very painful for me, but it was like this. Physical push after a while after we had like been dragged into this open relationship. The reason we got into an open relationship was because he had a crutch on a girl that he was living with. Uh, and he wanted to pursue that. And he told me that and I was like, well, as long as I get to keep you, my God, when I'm saying this, it's just so sad. Uh, but, uh, you know, it's these lessons that we have to learn. And it's really because I wasn't in touch with what my stories were in my head, what pathways I had built, what I was understanding was happening and how I valued myself. And I've learned all of these skills, um, that I hope to share with people. So, um, I got out of that relationship during the same time in Barcelona. Around that same time, I had this really, really toxic friend. She was an emotional vampire. she had, um, she was like, love bombing. So it was basically, yeah, like, I don't know, narcissistic. Uh, all of these other things. She was really loved bombing me and like tying me into like, I need, you're the best friend ever. But then she would have these like manic depressive episodes that would be really intense. Uh, and I had kind of put myself into the situation, like, I'm a good person, I understand psychology, I'm compassionate. Um, so I'm gonna like everybody. Nobody wants her in their life cuz she was quite volatile. Now I hope that she's better. Honestly, I hope that she has a lot of people loving her and caring for her, and I really wish her the best. Uh, at the time I took it upon myself as my resp. Like it was my responsibility to be her friend, um, because she was pushing everybody else away with her behavior. Um, and uh, so I was in that toxic friendship for around the same amount of time. Like I think I broke up. Yeah. I'm putting quotation marks with her. Um, like shortly after I broke up with my ex, I just had this kind of revolutionary moment and it was, I lived with her for a few years. It was super draining. Like it really took everything out of me emotionally to be in these two relationships. Um, and I really didn't have any boundaries or when I did try to set boundaries with her, especially cause I didn't try so much with my ex, it was. Ah, it was like this from, from this place of like, ah, I gotta defend myself. Like, no, get out. You know, like, don't do this. And it was so kind of like aggressive. It wasn't like a kind place. And it wasn't a place where I was like, well, you know, you know, if, you know, if you can't respect my boundaries, you do. You, I'm gonna do me, I'm gonna move on from this relationship. It was like I had to force it and it felt like really negative and not from a place of kindness and from my heart. Um, it was just like, harsh and defensive. Um, so then I was single and didn't have a friend, best friend. I still have never got back to have somebody that I call like my best friend. I mean, other than my best friend back at home, uh, back in, in um, California. But that's just kind of like the label we gave ourselves. But I don't have that kind of person anymore, ever since this girl. Um, and I, I started dating this other guy who was the total opposite. Uh, he was so loving. He stated his intentions, um, he made an effort. Uh, he really put everything into the relationship and he was so, so sweet. Um, and I dated him for a couple of years. Uh, it, it just, it also took me a while in our relationship just to understand that we still weren't compatible. So came to a place where I was like, I just need somebody who's gonna make that effort and show me they care about me and, um, you know, know what they want. And I wanted all of that, and that's who I met. Um, but what I didn't understand as well is what I, other things I need from a relationship, um, what my values are, what kind of life I wanna live, and how to vet people, not only for things like do they make an effort because, um, that's kind of table stakes. Like of course they should make an effort. You shouldn't be in any relationship. That's not two-way effort. Cause I put a lot of effort into my relationships. I put everything into them. So if somebody's not gonna reciprocate that kind of effort, um, I shouldn't be in that relationship, but even if they do reciprocate it, there's still so many other things I need to pay attention to, to see, uh, if they are compatible or not. So I ended up. Later on in this relationship with a guy I was, I was still unhappy. Um, and it's just because we clashed on, we didn't clash. Like we didn't really fight. We didn't fight. We communicated well. We clashed in the sense that we just didn't share the same values. We didn't see things the same way. We didn't share the same future vision. We didn't share even. Um, you know, things like, yeah, like how do we wanna live our day-to-day life? What's important to us? Um, we didn't share any of that. Like the only thing that we shared, we didn't even wanna live in the same place. Uh, we just didn't share anything and it was driving me starting to drive me crazy. and I fell out of love. And, uh, so I ended that relationship. And then shortly after last year, I met my current boyfriend who is, um, I did, I did. So at the end of my last relationship, I started doing a lot of work about masculine and fem feminine energy. I discovered that I had been a lot in my masculine energy. I was always trying to control things. I was hyper independent. I didn't let anybody help me. And I'm starting to realize, Just now even through all of this work that I was actually pretty emotionally unavailable. Um, man, I have so many stories. I'll get into the rest of the podcast episode. This is probably getting quite long now. Uh, so I've been emotionally unavailable. So I worked through a lot of that stuff, opened myself up, allowed myself to receive because I wasn't able to receive for people. So I was attracting these men who were more passive and feminine. All of my exes were like quite passive in a sense of like, like in the relationship, like I was always the one doing the things for the relationship, moving the relationship forward, making the effort in the relationship, taking the steps. That's how my history was and it's because, or my background of dating, it's cuz I was always in my masculine, so I was attracting more feminine guys. So, Um, I did a lot of this work to like, how do I learn how to receive, how do I not be hyper independent? Allow people to help me and support me and, um, be softer and not have to control everything, get more into my creative flow, give myself this space, and honestly, kind of let somebody else do the work for a little bit because I was tired of having to do it all, all the time. Um, and then I, so I met my, my current boyfriend, uh, who. My god. I remember I was sitting with my friend and I described him to her and she was like, this is so crazy cuz you said, I want a man who, um, courts woman who takes control, who is manly, who, um, has his life in order. Who contr controls his life, like takes, has a good job, uh, you know, is good and is good at what he does is all of these things described and like treats me like the woman that I wanna be treated. A man who's like a grown man. Cause I always dated guys who were younger than me and they were just, Children basically. Uh, man, this episode is sounding so I'm sorry it's sounding so judgmental, but this is just kind of the background of like how I shaped all of my learnings have been shaped through my relationships and through my career. Um, and me building a business. I didn't even think, oh my God, I didn't even talk about my business yet. Um, So that's what I'll talk about really quick now before I wrap this up. But, uh, three years ago I started an agency. So I've been freelancing as a, as a translator for about 10 years. And, uh, I started getting into SEO and content. And long story short, I started a marketing agency, uh, three years ago by myself. I built a team. Now I have 28 people on my team. Um, we may, we broke seven figures last. Dear, so I learned so much during that time as well, and I, that's where I actually, I started, I started the agency around the same time. I'm met the last guy, not my ex now, but the one before in between the anarchist guy. And I changed so much. And I think that's kind of what changed during that time as I realized what kind of woman I wanna be, um, I provide, I realized how much value I can actually provide. This is where I started coaching people to build their confidence. I've seen people transform, um, from, you know, n not seeing their worth at all. Not seeing their potential, like asking for nothing and money, um, and just being really insecure, uh, to making critical decisions, being decisive, being confident, coaching other people themselves. Um, like I've been a part of that journey and I've. Been able to help them get there. And that's what got me really excited to the point where I am today. I have gotten the business to pass seven figures by developing leaders and building their confidence skills and their communication skills. And that's the thing that gets me the most excited. And it's also really, I. changed my perceived value in myself and realized again that all of this stuff is, are things that we practice. Um, so again, like looking back at my last relationships, I was never able to speak my needs or identify my needs. And through all this somatic work and coaching, I've been able not only to understand what my needs are, but practice. And that was the thing is practicing voicing them like. Using my throat, like the words coming outta my mouth to speak my needs set my boundaries in like a calm and loving way, and I've been able to develop. this beautiful relationship that I have now where I speak my needs, I've asked for things and I get them, and there's no fighting, like the conflict. We have a lot of conflict. It's never fighting. It's always calm and it always is loving. Uh, and it comes and it's a conversation that comes out of it. And I've just learned all of these skills, which before, like it wouldn't even, like, it would get stuck in my throat and I could just couldn't say it. So, um, God, there's so much to go through. Like I said, I'm really excited I have, uh, so many episodes planned for you. Um, and let me see if I can find the list, uh, of all the kind of episodes that I want to publish. I'm really excited about them. Uh, where are they? Where's my list? Um, man, I can't find my list of topics. Oh, here we go. So, um, yeah, so number one about me, my story with personal growth, again, I haven't mentioned, I have gone through a few years of therapy. I've invested over five figures in coaching. Um, I have a degree in, in psychology, and I've explained to you kind of my journey through relationships, through business, um, of where I got today, which is. Still in the works, uh, but somebody who can speak my needs, somebody who can make a lot of money, um, somebody who has a wonderful relationship that I can say what I need without being defensive or nasty. I never have to be passive aggressive. I've learned through all of these things and I don't feel like I'm sacrificing anything for myself anymore. So that's the kind of things I'm gonna be working through. So topics that are coming up are data-driven dating. That's gonna be exciting. I deal to build, build a spreadsheet, Uh, so I'm gonna be talking about, um, being a person who adds value to others. How do you become a high value person? And it's not different, like it's how it's separate from people pleasing to your own detriment. That's actually the opposite of a high value person. But some people believe that they're adding more value by pleasing people, but. Anyway, we're gonna talk about what does it mean to be a high value person. Uh, we're gonna talk about, oh my God, I have this written down, judging other people and how it's holding you back from achieving what you want. I did feel like this episode was, I. Looking back a little bit judgy, but I wasn't like, it really just people, it's just people who weren't compatible for me. I, I love them as people. I'm, I really hope that, um, you know, they find their way and I'm glad I found my way. We just weren't compatible and that's what I meant. So I wasn't being judgemental. I'm gonna talk about the difference between a therapy versus coaching and somatic healing. Which one is best for what, uh, should you invest in? It doesn't make sense for you. Um, Those kind of things. I've invested in all of that. We're gonna talk about, uh, what is manifesting for in the non woowoo sense. So I'm gonna break that down cuz I have yet to find a resource anywhere that makes manifesting not sound like some insane bullshit, but I'm still really trying to understand and I think I've gotten there. So I'm gonna be recording about that. I'm gonna talk about using your voice and what boundaries look and sound like. Uh, non-violent communication. How to speak your needs with emotional intelligence. How to get over passive aggressiveness. Say what you mean and get what you want while making other people happy. Um, I'm gonna become talk about erotic blueprints, sexuality, like why you might be more sexual than you think. I have a lot of theories about why there's a lot of women who say they don't have a libido, they don't care about sex, and oh my God, I have so much to say about this. Um, so we're gonna talk about how do we like get that. Libido back or that spark of sexuality back and really supercharge your relationship with yourself and your lovers possibly, or a partner. Um, I'm gonna talk about how to learn how to receive. Um, I'm gonna talk about the giver wound, what it means to always feel like you need to be giving or working. To be worthful of an appreciation, um, how to, what work you need to do, what exercise you need to do to feel like you're enough, even when you are the one receiving and not necessarily giving. I'm gonna talk about, um, the difference between hyper independence, independence, and inter independence, and how to achieve them and why hyper independence is actually really harmful to you. I'm gonna talk about how to identify your triggers, what to do with them, how to communicate them. Um, there's so many things I wanna talk about, and obviously the number one theme across all of them is building confidence, how to build it as a skill. Uh, so that is my first steps. What? I'm gonna go ahead and stop that there because I've now been recording for how long? Oh God. Almost an hour. Uh, I really got. Stuck in there. Um, so that's what I'm gonna be talking about. I'm launching this podcast, I'm launch launching my coaching program and it's gonna be, um, at a discount right now as I get started cuz I'm just trying to get some clients in and help them find their way. So if you wanna be one of my first clients, I mean paid clients, cuz I have done a lot of coaching already with my team. Uh, and uh, this is just a new thing that I am doing. So be sure to DM me. Uh, you can follow me on Instagram, which is a purposeful living.co. And uh, that is it for me today. Goodbye.