In this episode, Maeva continues the review of the book Seven and a Half Lessons About The Brain. She covers lessons 4 and 5, which are:
This fascinating book shows us that the brain is constantly getting rewired throughout our entire lives, whether we choose it or not. But we can choose how it gets rewired and take control of our lives.
Follow Maeva on Instagram for more content: https://instagram.com/purposefulliving.co
Want some 1:1 coaching with Maeva? Fill out this form: https://forms.gle/RfBKV8MpCiZu7vBy8
In this episode, Maeva continues the review of the book Seven and a Half Lessons About The Brain. She covers lessons 4 and 5, which are:
This fascinating book shows us that the brain is constantly getting rewired throughout our entire lives, whether we choose it or not. But we can choose how it gets rewired and take control of our lives.
Follow Maeva on Instagram for more content: https://instagram.com/purposefulliving.co
Want some 1:1 coaching with Maeva? Fill out this form: https://forms.gle/RfBKV8MpCiZu7vBy8
Welcome to purposeful living the podcast that empowers you to live your life with intention and purpose. I'm your host, Maiva Cifuentes, a business owner, investor, marketer, psychology graduate, certified confidence coach, cat mom, and improviser. I'm here to break down the woo woo. Into practical strategies that make actual sense for those that love the idea of leading with their heart spirit and universal guidance, but struggle to make any logical sense of it. I'm here to talk it through in practical terms and help you put it into action. In this podcast, I talk about communication and confidence. How to communicate effectively with your body, your mind, lovers, partners, co workers, clients, and friends. Through science, anecdotes, personal experiences, and practical exercises, we'll explore how your lifestyle and habits contribute to living your best life. Hello, good morning. It's actually the morning here. You could probably hear my voice is a little bit croaky. Um, it's like seven in the morning. I just woke up for no reason super early. I think it's because I'm going on vacation tomorrow and I have a lot on my to do list including recording an episode ahead of time, um, because... I will not be bringing my mic to Croatia or, um, I did think it would be nice to have like a little bit of a vibe while I was in Croatia to be able to record, but my mic is quite big and bulky. I don't really have a travel one yet. So I do have one in London, not a travel one yet, but I will be. Uh, it's not time yet for me to bring it on my travels. Although that is a vibe, and it is something that I will want to do, um, later on in life. Not that late, when I say later on in life, it sounds like way later. I mean, pretty, you know, close future, near future. Um, yeah, so tomorrow I'm going to Croatia, and then I'll be out and about for about three weeks. A little bit here and a little bit there. And I'm really grateful because my mom came. Um, she's staying a few months. Here in Barcelona, and she's gonna be staying with my cat buddy, who, um, who, well, a, he, even if, I was about to say he's sick and he needs meds, but even then, he would need somebody, some company, somebody to take care of him, uh, while I travel. Um, I have to say it's been, it's been quite tough having a cat. I'm a traveler, I love traveling. I like to travel very frequently. Well, recently, since I've been in a long distance relationship, I kind of just travel back and forth between here and London. Um, I guess when I finally do move there, I can get back to traveling to new places. Uh, just cause it's a lot. But anyway, my mom is staying for a couple months, staying with Buddy. Um, so I can go for a few weeks, and then I'll come back a little bit, and then my boyfriend's taking me on a surprise location birthday trip. which I'm really excited for. Uh, and then I'll have my birthday, birthday coming up. Um, so yeah, I just woke up like really early. I've been sleeping in a lot lately. Um, just cause like three months ago I stopped using my alarm. Um, cause I was waking up at like 6 30 in the morning every day to like go to the gym, do my morning routine before I started work. But I started feeling like a slave to it. I started feeling like a little bit resentful towards my work, uh, because I had to use this alarm every day. And I was like, well, if I started a business, it was really to be free. Like the whole point of it is to have freedom. Um, so I stopped using an alarm so I could at least choose that and have my soft mornings and wake up when my body wanted me to wake up. And today it happened to be 630. I think I just have a lot on my mind. Um, there's a lot going on at work. I have a lot of stuff I want to say to people. Um, before I leave. Just to make sure everything is going to go alright. I'm only going to be really off for like a week. But, um, Cause I did have to shorten my vacation time this year. Which is sad, but next year it'll be longer. I'll make up for it. Um, so Um, today I'm doing part two of seven and a half lessons about the brain by Lisa Feldman Barrett. If you haven't listened to the first part, uh, you can go back and listen to that episode. Uh, I'm doing, it's a book review. So let me know if you guys like these kinds of episodes, if you like the book reviews or if you prefer that I just. Just ramble and talk about stuff that's on my mind. Um, sometimes I feel like these books say it better than I could say it, and that's why I'm doing that. Because I want to share my learnings that I find quite fascinating. Um, and so yeah, that's why I'm doing that in case, you know, you didn't want to read the book. Even though I think you should. Um, in the fall, I have a few guests coming up that I'm really excited about, um, in, on different topics. It's going to be like fitness, dating, somatic healing, all those kind of things. Um, so that's going to be pretty cool and, uh, yeah, so let's just dive into it. So we have the seven and a half lessons and we were on lesson four, I believe. Uh, so lesson four is that the brain predicts almost everything that you do. So, basically, as she was saying, as she was saying in the earlier chapters, which is that the brain is not made for thinking, it's made for, made for predicting, it's made for, um, remaining efficient and managing your body budget. I remember the body budget is, um, you know, your glucose levels, your salt levels. All of this kind of metabolic stuff that your body needs to manage because it's a very, very, very complex infrastructure. Uh, and the brain is the command center, so the point of it is to, um, manage those kind of things. So, the brain, scientists used to believe that the brain's visual system operated like a camera. Um, like it would detect visual information out there in the world and then it would construct a photograph like image in the mind. Uh, but that's not true. So, your view of the world is not a photograph, it's a construction of your brain that is so fluid and convincing that it does appear to be accurate. So, you know, the brain is in a dark and silent box from the moment you're born until you die. Unless somebody opens it up, which in, in which case you will probably be dead. Uh, but the brain is... It's in a dark place. So it's just in the skull. It receives sense data from the outside through your eyes, your ears, your nose, uh, and your sensory organs. Uh, and this data It does not come, it does not come in the form of sights, smells, sounds, and sensations. It's not, it doesn't come in the form of what we experience. So it's really just light waves, chemicals, and changes in air pressure. There's no significance to them other than what the brain gives it. So the brain receives this information and it's like, Okay, now I need to figure out what to do next. And so if we remember that the brain's most important job is to control the body, Keep you alive and well. It takes this data and it needs to make meaning from it from this sense data Basically, you get sensory data from the outside and then the brain's like, okay I need to figure out what to do with this so that you don't fall down a staircase or So that you don't become lunch for some wild beast So, how does it decipher this data so that it knows what you're supposed to do next? If the brain only used this information As immediately present, it would be very, it would be very uncertain. It means that you wouldn't have learned from the past, right? So it would just do a lot of trial and error right there in that second until we figured out the best response. But what the brain has is memory. Um, so the brain can draw on your lifetime of past experiences, things that have happened to you personally, things that you've learned from friends, teachers, books, videos. Um, And as soon as you receive this sensory information, your brain reconstructs bits and pieces of past experience, and as your neurons pass electrochemical information back and forth in an ever shifting complex network. So it takes these memories, puts it back together, Uh, and decides what to do next. But remember, your past experience is not only what happened in the world around you, but also what happened inside of your body. So you saw this thing before, or you received this same kind of sensory information before, or something similar, um, and you, you know, something happened in the outside for that. But then inside, maybe your heart was beating quickly. Maybe you were breathing heavily. There's everything that we intake from the outside, even people talking to us, hearing a voice, hearing like every, um, and this is quite interesting because you know, every, all the words that we hear because we give meaning to them, we understand what we give, you know, we understand them in a certain way. Um, So like kind words, change your insides, not kind words, also change your insides. It takes away from your body's, uh, energy source. So it takes a greater energy to kind of metabolize negative, negativity. Um, and this is something I find really fascinating about this book. I'm going off on a little tangent, but. Uh, when we say that words don't matter, or that it's all woo woo, or like saying these affirmations, it actually changes the inside. So if I say something nice about myself, it's adding, it's giving me more energy. It's adding. My brain makes it, um, it's like food for my brain. Uh, when I hang around people who are negative, When you hang around people who are negative, who complain, who insult others, who are sarcastic to you, it's actually a withdrawal. So everything is a deposit or a withdrawal from your brain bank, from the budget that it is, that it is creating, uh, that it is managing. Everything is a withdrawal or a deposit. Negativity is a withdrawal and, um, positivity. So compliments, uh, having good energy, um. You know, assuming the best from people being listened to. All of that is a deposit literally like in the actual energy that your brain manages. So anyway, so when you get in, into the situation, like any moment ever, your brain asks itself, figuratively, the last time I was in this situation, when my body was in a similar state, what did I do next? So the answer doesn't need to be a perfect match, but it does, it does just need to be close enough to give your brain an appropriate plan of action that helps you survive and even thrive. So your brain is always planning, planning the next, the next step. Um, so it, it asks itself again, it sees, it sees the situation, recreates the past from memory, asks itself the last time I was in this situation, or I encountered a similar situation, when my body was in a similar state, and I was preparing for this particular action, what did I see next? What did I feel next? So it starts to... predict. So the answer becomes your experience. So the brain combines information from outside and inside your head to produce everything you see, hear, smell, taste, and feel. Okay. So what she's saying here, and she gives some other little examples, but you're not actually seeing, I'm not looking at my microphone. My brain is making up this information that I'm looking at in my, um, it is It produces it after I kind of check in on the sensory information, the lights that surround me and how I'm feeling right now. Um, so she gives some examples of some drawings. There's this three drawings on a page. I can't really explain it here on the podcast because it's something that I'm supposed to be visually seeing, but it looks like a bunch of blobs basically like it's black lines. I can't really tell what it is. Uh, but the brain is trying to answer what are these wavelengths of light most like. So it's trying to go back through my memories. And then, and then she gives the answers of what they are. And I'm like, oh, okay, I can see that now. But it happens a lot with artwork, so abstract art, specifically, is made, is possible because the human brain constructs what it experiences. So if I see a cubist painting by Picasso, and I see recognizable human figures, that's only because I have memories of human figures that help my brain make sense of the abstract elements. So the brain is actively constructing the experience. I'm not actually seeing these things, it's making it up for me. So every morning I wake up and experience a world. full of sensations. So I can feel the bedsheets against my skin. I hear sounds that wake me up, an alarm buzzing, birds chirping, my boyfriend snoring. Just kidding, I'm the one who snores, really. Maybe I smell coffee brewing. And these sensations, they seem to fly right into your head as if your eyes, nose, mouth, ears, skin were transparent windows to the world. But you do not sense with your sensory organs, you sense with your brain. So what we see is a combination of what's out in the world and what's constructed by our brain. What we hear is also a combination of what's out there and what's in your brain and the same for all of your senses. So Just in the same way, like your brain also constructs what you feel inside of the body. So jitters, aches, inner sensations are a combination of what's going on in your brain. And then also what's actually happening within your lungs, hearts, guts, muscles. So it adds information from your past experiences to guess what the sensations mean. So if you're, if you haven't slept enough and you're tired or low energy, you might feel hungry. Maybe because before you felt hungry when your energy was low and you think that a snack is going to help you boost your energy, but actually you're just tired. Um, so this is a really, really interesting because it's telling us, you know, your brain is pretty much just making everything up based on the past. Um, so she gives an example. If you've ever seen a friend's face in a crowd. But you looked again, you realized it was another person. Have you ever felt your cell phone vibrate in your pocket when it didn't? Have you ever had a song playing in your head that you couldn't get rid of? Oh my god, this happened to me the other day, except I couldn't figure out what song it was. So annoying. I still haven't figured that out. Ah, man. Now it's gonna bother me again today. Um, so... Basically, what neuroscientists, including Lisa Feldman Barrett, are saying is that your day to day experience is a carefully controlled hallucination. It's constrained by the world and your body, but ultimately it's constructed by your brain. Uh, so it's an everyday hallucination. It creates all your experiences, guides all your actions, and it's just your brain trying to give meaning to your sense data. So it's not only that it's constructing it there in the moment. This is like a little twist on the topic. It happens predictively. So, scientists begin to sense the moment to moment changes in the world before those light waves, chemicals, and other sense data hit your brain. Um, so same with moment to moment changes in your body. So, it starts to sense them before the actual data arrives from your organ hormones and various bodily systems. So, for example, if you're thirsty and you drink a glass of water. Every time I drink a glass of water, I'm like, Ugh, yes, I just love water. It quenches my thirst. So within seconds after you drink the water, you probably feel less thirsty. And that seems totally normal. But water actually takes 20 minutes to reach your bloodstream. So it's actually impossible for water to quench your thirst in a few seconds. So what is it that relieved your thirst? It was actually prediction. So your brain is used to your thirst getting quenched after you drink water. So it does it beforehand. So it's planning and executing the actions that allow you to drink and swallow, and it anticipates the sensory consequences of gulping water. So it takes the flashes of light, takes all these chemicals from the smells, turns air pressures into recognizable sound, and traces of chemicals into smells and tastes. Um, so prediction is also... allows you to read squiggles on a page and understand them as letters, words, ideas. Um, for example, we could try a little exercise right now. If you close your eyes, not if you're driving, of course, but if you're just sitting or standing, picture your favorite food in your mind. I'm picturing the Monchito in Barcelona. I just had those last night. Oh man, I'm hungry again already. Imagine the smell. Imagine the taste. Imagine how it feels in your mouth. You start salivating. This is also why visualization is so powerful. You know, I'm gonna record an episode at some point about manifestation. A lot of, a lot of it is, and yes, I will make it non Wu. Don't worry, I'm gonna try to break down the facts. But a lot of it is just... Imagining yourself how you would feel in that kind of future version of yourself and imagining how it would feel and like, try to feel all the sensory things. So you feel the fabric on your, on your body. You feel the food that you're eating. You feel your posture that you'd be standing. And then you start, like, your brain starts to think that it's true. Um, and then you start acting, like, putting in action to act like that person and then things just become true. So that's kind of a part of that and it's a part of how your brain works. So if in that demonstration when you're imagining your favorite food, if it made you smell or taste your favorite food and made your mouth water, then you did successfully change the firing of your own neurons in the same way that automatic predictions do. So you can actually control your brain. Um, so the brain's predictive process is not linear. Hey guys, just wanted to quickly interrupt this episode to pop in here and say I am opening up slots in my calendar for one on one coaching in September of 2023. I'm only going to be taking on about two clients at the time because my time is super limited between running the business. I'm also doing a bit of marketing for another business I've invested in, plus working on this podcast. So I can only take on two at the moment, but it's going to be extremely Powerful. If you're looking for ways to feel more confident at work. Speaking to your boss or colleagues or if you're frustrated because things just don't go your way and you want to be able to change that and take responsibility for it. Or you want to be able to speak your needs more comfortably in dating, in a relationship with your partner. Or even just, you know, be that person that can receive instead of everyone always taking things from you. Um, this is going to be super valuable for you. Um, so I recommend that you jump on it as quickly as possible. You can either fill out the form in the link in my bio or just send me a DM and we can get that on the calendar, uh, booked and ready to go. The brain has several ways to deal with a given situation and it gives, creates a flurry of predictions and estimates probabilities for every single one. It's just doing its best out there. So sometimes, um, you know, a lot of the times the prediction best matches the incoming sense data. So most of the time it's correct. So is the rustling sound in the forest, is that wind, is it an animal, enemy fighter, is it a shepherd? Is the long brown shape a branch, a staff, or a rifle? So most of the time, it's correct. But sometimes it's not. So either way, the winning prediction is is going to become your action and sensory experience. So this is also a really powerful thing to know. So if you have like, anxious attachment disorder, or you are like, have had bad experiences with people and you don't trust them, you're gonna make predictions and your brain is gonna convince you that it's true. And this goes back to also my episode on the core wounds that you have. Your brain is gonna predict that it's true. Um... And it's going to fire the neurons to make your body and your, like, you're going to feel that anxiety, you're going to feel, um, all of these things that's going to make you act in a certain way because of what you are predicting. So, if your brain has predicted well, then your neurons are already firing in a pattern that matches the incoming sense data. That means if, that means when the sense data comes in, all your brain has to do, or actually, when the sense data comes in, it's not even useful anymore except for confirming your brain's prediction. So, when you see, hear, smell, taste in the world and feel in your body in that moment, It's completely constructed in your head. So by prediction, predicting, your brain has efficiently prepared you to start. Okay, so sometimes you might see the wrong thing. And if you see the wrong thing, your brain can do two things. You can incorporate the sense data from the outside world, update your predictions, and construct a new, corrected experience of what you are sensing. And this is what scientists call learning. So when you're predicting brain is right, it creates your reality. When it's wrong, it still creates your reality. Hopefully it learns from its mistake. Um, but the predicting happens backward from the way we experience it. So it feels like we're sensing first and acting second, but actually sensing in your brain comes second. So the brain is wired to prepare for action first and then it actually takes in the sensory information. Which is... It's pretty crazy. So the brain is wired to initiate your actions before you're aware of them. So are we doing, we're doing everything by choice, right, and that's kind of What this whole podcast, what this whole thing is about that I'm trying to do is like, everything is a choice. It does seem that way, you know, you turned on this podcast, you chose to listen to it, but it is, the brain is a predicting organ, so it launches your next set of actions based on your past experiences and your current situation, and you are not aware of the decisions that it's making. So your actions are under control of your memory and your environment. So, who's responsible for your actions? So philosophers and scholars have debated the existence of free will. I have often thought it's kind of a dumb thing to debate, but it could be interesting to see that, like, you should still make your choices. But, um, for example, we're always acting on autopilot, so maybe you bite your nails, and your brain to mouth connection is too well oiled. And you said something kind of asshole y to a friend because it came out without you thinking first. Maybe you, you're watching a movie, you looked away for a second, and you realized you ate an entire box of cookies. So in this sense, your brain... is using its predictive powers to launch your actions. And you feel like you have no control, no agency. Your brain is just running the show. Could you have changed your behavior? Yes, but it would be more difficult. Um, and you are more responsible for these actions that you think. So these predictions do not appear out of nowhere. Um, if you didn't bite your nails as a kid, you probably wouldn't bite them now. Uh, if you never, you know, learned the horrible things that you said to your friend or co worker, you probably wouldn't have said it now. So your brain predicts and prepares for your actions using your past experiences. So you can't change your past, but if you do add some effort, you can change how your brain will predict the future. And that's what this whole podcast is about. You can invest a little time and energy. to learn new ideas. And again, it's brain energy. So your brain is going to want your brain likes to stay in your comfort zone. It doesn't like to learn new things because it wants to be as efficient as possible. Um, so it really wants to stay efficient. It's going to, it's going to take more, more energy, but you can curate new experiences. You can try new activities and you can try to get your brain to predict differently tomorrow. So for example. All of us get nervous before taking a test, but for some people, this anxiety is crippling. Based on their past experiences, uh, taking tests, their brains predict a hammering heartbeat, sweaty hands, and they're unable to complete the test. And if it happens enough, they start failing classes, they drop out of school. But, a hammering heartbeat is not necessarily anxiety. What if you relearned that to your physical sensation that is not anxiety, but determination? And research has shown that when students can try to tell themselves it's determination, they do perform better. So it, the determination gets their brain to predict differently in the future so they can get their butterflies, and the butterflies makes them perform better rather than worse. So it's a skill that they need to practice. Um, so you can. Try to change the things so that your brain can predict differently in the future. So she gives this example of something you can try on a smaller scale. So we live in a very polarized world, right? Everybody has really strong opposing opinions and we say we can't be civil with you with each other. Do you want to be different? Do you want to create a world where? We can live with different opinions. Um, so she offers a challenge. Pick a controversial political issue that you feel really strongly about. So if you're in the U. S., that might be abortion, guns, religion, police, climate change, reparations for slavery, or a local issue. So if you could spend five minutes a day deliberately Deliberately considering the issue from the perspective of people you disagree with and not for the reason of having an argument with, with them in your head, but just to try to understand how someone who's just as smart as you can believe the opposite of what you do. And it's not for you to change your mind. And it's also not going to be easy. It does require a withdrawal from your body budget, okay? And it might feel really unpleasant. Or, and it might feel even pointless to do so. Um, but when you really try to understand somebody else's point of view, and you embody that, you can change your future predictions about people who hold different views than you. So, if you, it can get you to honestly say, totally disagree with these people, but I can understand what why they believe what they do, then you're a step closer to a less polarized world. So everybody who's learned any skill, it was hard at first. It was a withdrawal from the budget. You're trying to get your brain to predict differently. And this is how you create free will. This is how you change. And it is going to say, um, it is going to be an effort. That's the whole, that's the whole thing. Taking responsibility for your life is effort. So you might not be able to change your behavior in the heat of the moment, but you can change your predictions before the heat of the moment. And it's going to take practice. You can make some automatic behaviors more likely and others less likely. And you can have more control over your future actions and experiences. And I agree with Lisa that this is a hopeful message. It does come with some fine print. So more control means more responsibility. So those who have learned helplessness, which is very comfortable place to be, they do not like the idea of more responsibility. So if you're like, Oh no, I can't do this because you know, for whatever reason, it's not going to work. I don't know how to do it. Uh, that's just not me. Learned helplessness right there. So it does come with more responsibility because if your brain doesn't merely react to the world But predicts actively predicts the world and sculpts its own wiring then who bears the responsibility when you behave badly You do when you behave in a way that's not beneficial to your life That's not taking you towards the things that you want to be doing. So Of course responsibility doesn't mean that people are to blame for the tragedies in the lives, or poverty like deep, deep poverty that they may have grew up in or hardships they experience. As a result, you can't choose everything. And people who have serious illnesses, of course, depression, anxiety, they're not to blame, but you are responsible for many things in your life. Um, Because you are the only ones who can change them. When you're a baby, it's the caregivers. As we learned in the last episode, um, you were not responsible for your early wiring. But, you can rewire now. You can still rewire. You are the owner of your brain, and you have control over your actions and experiences. So, are you gonna take responsibility for it? Okay, lesson number five. Man, I think I'm going to have to have like three episodes on this, because I'm half an hour deep and I'm only on lesson number five, so we have five, six, and seven. No way I'm going to get through it on this episode, so I'm just going to go through lesson five and we're going to do a part three. So, lesson number five is your brain secretly works with other brains. Okay, so humans are a social species. We live in groups. We build civilizations. And we regulate each other's, one another's body budget. So the same way you manage the bodily budget that we, that you use every day, we, you also, other people also have an effect on your body budget and you have an effect on theirs. And this is also what I was talking about is Um, the kind of people that you surround yourself with, the energy that they're giving you, it actually has an effect on your brain and body budget neuroscientifically. Okay, so we already covered how caregivers help their babies brains to budget their resources efficiently, um, as the brains wire themselves to the world. Well, the body budgeting, mutual body budgeting between humans continues long after. Um, so deposits you can like for your whole life and you're not aware of doing this, but you are affecting other people's body budgets, but you make deposits into other people's body budgets and you make withdrawals into their body from their body budgets and others do the same for you. Okay, so. It really has profound, profound implications for how we live our lives and the people that are around us, and you can select the people that are around you. So, How? How do the people around you influence your body budget and they are actually also rewiring your adult brain? Um, so your brain changes, remember your brain changes its wiring after new experiences, and this is called plasticity. So microscopic parts of your neurons change every day. Gradually they tune and they prune. And if you don't know what I'm talking about, listen to the first episode. So the branch like dendrites become bushier and their associated neural connections become more efficient. So remember the brain is trying to constantly become more and more efficient. So it does require energy from your body budget and your predicting brain needs a reason to splurge. And a great reason to splurge is that the connections are used frequently to deal with the people around you. So little by little, your brain becomes tuned and pruned as you interact with other people. So some brains are more attentive to the people around them and others less so, but everybody needs people. Even psychopaths are dependent on people. So your friends, family, neighbors, and strangers contribute to your brain structure and functioning and help your brain keep your body. So it's co regulation, and it has measurable effects. So changes in one person's body, in their body, okay? It prompts changes in another person's body. So if you're romantically involved, if you're friends, even if you're just strangers meeting for the first time when you're with somebody that you care about your, your breath can sink your beat, the beating of your hearts can sink even if you're in casual conversations or a heated argument. That's why sometimes it feels so hard, you know, when you're in an emotional, like in a relationship. Any kind of relationship, friendship, uh, whatever. And you're trying to work on yourself, and you're trying to say, I'm going to be a better communicator. It's so easy to be like, well, why am I the only one doing this? This is a lot of work. Because it's going against what your brain wants to do. Um, so there's, you know, a physical connection that's happening between infants and caregivers, therapists and their friends, people taking a yoga class. We mirror each other's movements in a dance that neither of us... is aware that we're doing. Sometimes one person leads, sometimes the other follows, sometimes we switch. When we don't like somebody or trust somebody, the brain, it's like dance partners who are stepping on each other's toes. It's just not really working out. Um, and so our actions adjusts other people's body budget. So when you raise your voice, even if you raise your eyebrow, like any slight little body Uh, what is it? Um, nonverbal body language. It affects what's going on in other people's bodies. So their heart rate might change. The chemicals carried in their bloodstream. I mean, you've known the feeling. Somebody has said something to you that pisses you off. And you can instantly feel it inside of your body. You can, I would feel it in my throat or my chest. You know, and you can feel it actually physically. Um, so how could you say, I know you've experienced this. How could you say that? Um, this, the people that you're around with does not change your internal bodily, um, chemistry. So, um, you know, being social has a lot of advantages for us humans, homo sapiens. Uh, if we, we live longer if we have close and supportive relationships. Um, I read a study recently that said, you know, Well, being lonely, which means not having these deep intimate connections, is deadlier than smoking 15 cigarettes a day. Okay? So we live longer if we have these close, supportive relationships with other people. It's obvious, or it may seem obvious, that loving relationships are good for us, but the benefits are more than just, you know, having a hot person to kiss. So, if you feel that your relationship is intimate and caring, that you're responsive to each other's needs, and life seems easy and enjoyable when you're together, both of you are less likely to get sick. If you're already sick with a serious illness, like cancer or heart disease, you're more likely to get better because it's helping your body budget to be, to spend time with somebody like this. And the results, this study was tested on married couples, but it also works for friendships and even pet owners. So another advantage is that we're better at our jobs when we work with peers and managers that we trust. So, so that's why some employers will intentionally focus on trust and reap the benefits. So they'll build, build this between people. Um, and also like for the Company to the employees to trust the company more. So being a social species is really good for us, but there are also disadvantages. So just like we're healthier if we live in close relationships, we also get sick and die early when we constantly feel lonely, possibly many years earlier. Um, so if we don't have somebody to help us regulate our body budgets, it's an extra burden. Okay, so if you've lost somebody through a breakup or a death and you feel like you lost a part of yourself, That's because you actually did. You lost a source of keeping your bodily systems in balance and you have to re learn. Your brain has to re learn how to balance this. So breakup might feel like you're dying, but constant loneliness is likely to make your death come sooner. Um, that's why some people say that solitary confinement in jail, which is enforced loneliness, is like Death sentence, capital punishment, but slowly. Um, so disadvantage of shared body budgeting is that it has an impact on empathy. So when you have empathy for other people, your brain can predict what they'll think and feel and do. So the more familiar other people are with you, the more efficiently your brain predicts their inner struggles. So obviously it feels, it feels obvious, it feels natural as if you're reading another person's mind, but when you are less familiar, When, when the people are less familiar to you, it's harder for you to empathize. So you have to learn more about that person. It's extra effort. It's more withdrawals from your body budget and it feels unpleasant. Like it just, it's not nice. Um, so that's why sometimes people. struggle or fail entirely to empathize with people who look different from them, believe different things than what they do, and it feels uncomfortable to try because it's metabolically costly for the brain to deal with things that are harder to predict. So that's why people like hanging around with echo chambers. Um, news and views and people that reinforce what they already believe because it reduces the metabolic cost of having to learn something new. Um, So it's not only humans, there's other animals that also regulate each other's body, budgets, ants, bees, other insects. Um, they use chemicals like pheromones to communicate. Um, mammals as well, rats and mice use chemicals to communicate, like smell, they add vocal sounds and touch. But humans are the only ones who also use words. And the words regulate your brain. So a kind word might calm you. When a friend gives you a compliment, a hateful word from a bully will cause your brain to predict threat and flood your bloodstream with hormones. It's so powerful, so, so powerful, the words that you're using with people and how it's going to affect them. So if I text the word I love you to my boyfriend who's in London and even if he can't see my voice or see my face, I'm changing his heart rate, I'm changing his breathing, I'm changing his metabolism, okay? Or if somebody, if somebody texted me something like, is your door locked? It might affect my nervous system in a bad way, okay? So your nervous system and everybody else's nervous system is affected. Um, By things that are happening, or like the words that are being said to you. So, we can tweak another person's nervous system with just words in a very physical way that go beyond what you might suspect. So, um, in Lisa's, Lisa Feldman Barrett's research lab, they run experiments that demonstrate the power of words. They have people lying inside of a brain scanner and they listen to short descriptions of situations. So she reads this one, maybe you could try it, it might freak you out though. But like, you're driving home after staying out drinking all night. The long stretch of road in front of you seems to go on forever. You close your eyes for a moment, the car begins to skid, you jerk awake. You feel the steering wheel slip in your hands. So as the participants were listening to those, they have increased activity in the regions of their brain that are involved in movement, even though they're staying still. We see activities involved in vision, even though their eyes are closed, and there's also an increased activity in the brain system that controls heart rate, breathing, metabolism, immune system, hormones, all of the interactions, all just from processing the words. Oh, there goes my calendar. Um, So the brain regions, that process language, also controls the inside of your body, including the major organs and the systems that support your body budget. So everything is all tied together. Words can be harmful to your health, literally. Like, in small doses, it's okay. You can, like, if somebody says something you don't like, or threatens your physical safety, you might feel awful at first, but then there's not actual physical damage to your brain and body. Maybe your heart's gonna race, your blood pressure might change, you might sweat a little bit, but your body can recover. Okay, so you have a nervous system that can cope with these temporary metabolic changes. And sometimes it's even beneficial. So occasional stress, like exercise for example, it is a withdrawal from your body budget, but it helps you improve. But anything that contributes to chronic stress can actually eat away at your brain and cause illness in your body. So even physical abuse, constant verbal aggression, social rejection, severe neglect. This can actually cause illness to you. So if your body budget is depleted by the circumstances, um, Even from not sleeping enough, not exercising enough, financial hardship, your brain becomes more vulnerable to all kinds of stress. And it actually can, um, cause disease in you. So a long period of chronic stress can harm the human brain permanently. Um, So it's, it's crazy. Um, the effects that words and everything has on actual physical, it's not just genetic. It's not just what you eat. It's the people that you spend time with. It's the words that you say to yourself. It's the words that you allow other people to say to you. All of this has a huge, huge effect on the body. Your health, your brain, you're constantly rewiring it, even if you're not doing it on purpose. So this, uh, podcast is purposeful living. So why don't you just do it on purpose? Because, actually, you are doing it anyway. And, by the people you choose to be around, the words you let them say to you, the words you say to yourself, and all of, everything you choose, you are, rewiring your brain, even if you think you're not choosing it. So I'm going to stop it there. We still have lessons six and seven to go over. So there's going to be a part three to this. Let me know if you like these book reviews. Um, still recommend you read the book and that's it for today. I will see you next time from London. Outro Music