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Welcome to purposeful living the podcast that empowers you to live your life with intention and purpose. I'm your host, Maiva Cifuentes, a business owner, investor, marketer, psychology graduate, certified confidence coach, cat mom, and improviser. I'm here to break down the woo woo. Into practical strategies that make actual sense for those that love the idea of leading with their heart spirit and universal guidance, but struggle to make any logical sense of it. I'm here to talk it through in practical terms and help you put it into action. In this podcast, I talk about communication and confidence. How to communicate effectively with your body, your mind, lovers, partners, co workers, clients, and friends. Through science, anecdotes, personal experiences, and practical exercises, we'll explore how your lifestyle and habits contribute to living your best life. Hello. Okay. Looks like I'm already recording. I'm doing a bunch of new things today. I have a new software that I'm recording with and I'm in my new room and I am recording on video. So there's a lot of things happening right now. Um, basically I was recording from my office space, but since I do this on the weekends, it kind of felt like When I went back there to record podcasts, uh, during the weekend, it felt like I was working. And then it just added more stress and felt like I wasn't separating, uh, my everyday work with purposeful living, which I am trying to separate or at least build this in a way to where this can feel joyous and like my escape my time for me. Here with you. Um, but something that I can feel like is creative and manifesting of the life that I want, which is going in this direction toward psychology and working with women. That's another change I wanna talk about. Not quite a change, but just something as I explore what this is, um, I'm discovering more and more about what I want it to be. So I have this like glam room that, uh, I used to just have, well, I still have my desk in here, my vanity desk with the mirror, and that's where I get ready, separate from the bathroom. I love this space, but it had a little bit of extra space, so I put a sofa in here. I've put these soundproof things back here on the wall, and I am recording in here. Today. Um, and it's nice. It's a different space. Unfortunately, I don't have a fan in here yet, and it's super hot, so you might see me sweating quite a bit, and my hair is a little bit messy. But anyway, here I am and, uh, I haven't been around for, I haven't recorded in like two weeks or maybe possibly longer because I did go on vacation. And I unfortunately did not plan ahead enough to have prerecorded podcasts ready for you. I left off, um, on part two of, uh, what was going to be a three part or what may still be a three part review of the book, seven and a half lessons about the brain. Um, but today I actually, I can see this is my reflection here. That's kind of funny. Uh, should I leave it? I'll just leave it No, I'll remove it because it's distracting me. Um, I am going to not talk about that today, about the seven and a half lessons about the brain today. I'm talking about femininity and masculinity, feminine energy, masculine energy. What are the toxic and healthy versions of both? This is a journey that, um, I have been on for the last year and a half, I guess. And it's really changed so much and helped me so much to understand how to embody my feminine energy and how my view of femininity throughout my lifestyle and feminine energy in general, not throughout my lifestyle, throughout my life, um, has really affected me negatively in the past because I used to think that. It would be more valuable that I would be a more valuable person if I were more like a man. And I think that's what a lot of women think today. So what do I mean by being more like a man? I mean, um, working really, really, really hard. Hustling, having to prove my value by the things that I am doing, by the, uh, value that I am generating by the production that I do by my equal contribution. That is how I am valuable, or that is at least what I thought. Um, so this also relates to the core wound episode that I recorded, uh, a few, a few episodes back. But I realize that, um, in society today, we actually see the feminine energy femininity, uh, as. A couple things that they aren't really, so first of all, there's like the Barbie and I'll probably record another episode on the Barbie movie. I found it pretty problematic actually. Um, and, but I'll talk about that another time. It wasn't about, I didn't find it problematic because of their representation of the feminine. It was for another reason that the way that they're representing the political agenda there, I'll record another full episode about that. But, uh, when you think about feminine energy, maybe you think about pink dresses, high heels, pretty makeup, uh, of course being beautiful or in however making yourself feel beautiful is a part of the feminine that is a part of it, but, Um, it's not everything. There's a lot more to it. So that's one way that we see feminine or, you know, being, uh, I love shopping. I love clothes, I love makeup, uh, girly girl. And there's so many women now who I guess in my gen, in my generation, I'm not sure what it was like before, but we're like, oh, I'm not a girly girl. I'm a tomboy. I hang out with the guys as if it's some kind of badge of honor. When it's not it's not a badge of honor to not be a girl's girl or to be more one with the guys. Why? Because you think guys are so much more valuable or mass males that much more valuable. Um, so it's actually goes against what these women think is feminism. It's actually not that feminist. Uh, another way that society sees femininity. Or what is naturally feminine is that it's useless. That it's worthless. So in this um, era, in this last wave of feminism, it's gotten to the point where women who want to stay at home with their children and possibly not work. They're looked down upon. They are judged for it, and they feel shame, and they have to justify wanting to do that. The women who work really, really hard a lot of the time, it's because they have something to prove. It's not always because they are passionate about what they're doing, it's because they feel that they need to prove that they're worthy, that they can do the same thing as what a man can do. So, This is not always the case. Uh, I work extremely hard as well. I have a business. Uh, but learning to embrace the feminine side of me has been extremely helpful and learning how to manage my stress, learning how to love myself more, and, um, inviting a be a much healthier relationship than I've ever had in my life. So, um, anyway. We don't value as a society, we don't value femininity or feminine energy enough or very much, even though it's something extremely valuable. So when we look at our parents, if we see that the dad is working hard, he's going, uh, when, when we were growing up, for example, when you're growing up and you see your dad going to work every day. And he's tired because he's worked hard. He started a business or he is, um, stressed out about this thing. It's related to business, related to bringing money home and providing for the family. And all of society says, that's a good man. That's a respectable person. That's a respectable man. And then the Wife who was at home, taking the kids enslaving away all day long. That's, of course, that's, you would also see that as a, as a good woman, as a good wife, whatever. But in the, as feminism has been moving along, we start to devalue that. So why isn't she trying to work as hard as him or, uh, in business and in professionalizing and she producing the same amount? So women actually put down other women who are doing these things. And what we're actually saying is that's not valuable. What you are doing, what he is doing is valuable. So I wanna be more like that. So I'm gonna try to be more like a man. Um, and we don't have to do that actually. So I'm just gonna actually dive into what is the feminine. Well, I'll start with masculine energy. I gotta define masculine energy and feminine energy. And when I'm saying this, I'm not saying that, um, it's men and women specifically. So women do tend to. Embody more of the feminine energy or when they're, they're in their most natural state, most authentic selves, they will lean more into the feminine. That doesn't mean that they don't also have masculine energy. You can be too much into your feminine energy to where it gets toxic for you, and I'm gonna talk about that today. And 90% of men, they will feel most comfortable, most empowered with their best selves when they're mostly in their masculine energy again. You can find that 10% of men are going to be More feminine. Um, and that's totally fine. And also even non-binary people, they're gonna be leaning one way or the other a little bit more. So an energy, the masculine or feminine energy is an energy that any gender can have, um, more of or less of. But, uh, sorry, not, but, and. It's, it's up to us to just decide what is our, the actual authentic representation of our own energy. And the truth is that, uh, 90% of women do tend to feel most empowered and good, and safe and relaxed, uh, and fulfilled in their feminine energy. And then when you're in a relationship, you do want that po uh, polarity. Again, you can have a same sex relationship, but you still have that polarity, uh, within the relationship. Sorry, my thing is just freaking out. Okay. Uh, I think we're still here. Alright, so you still want that polarity within the relationship. So what I'm talking about now, I'm gonna be making a lot of examples about heterosexual relationships. A man and a woman. The woman being in the feminine energy, and the man being in the male energy because, uh, well in this podcast, I, I'm going to talk most about heterosexual relationships.'cause that's what I know. I may have some guests later on to talk about different kind of relationships, but right now I'm gonna be talking about heterosexual ones, although, Probably a lot of this can work in other contexts, and I'm gonna be speaking about the man in his masculine and the woman in his feminine. But you can interpret that whichever way makes sense for you. So masculine energy a man. Um, okay, so let's not talk about men, but just masculine energy. Masculine energy is. Doing, it's the driving forward of something. It's action oriented, it's stable, it's committed, it's predictable. Um, it's like strong and it's a force. The thing that really represents, um, masculine energy is this like structure will decisiveness focus. So it likes rules. It's really logical. Um, And basically it makes things happen, so it's driving forward. Um, the key characteristics of the masculine energy, for example, is the ability to think clearly and logically, um, adding a lot of effort, like controlling things, making things go a certain way and a certain direction, and leading. Um, They're very, they tend to be leaders because, I mean, not, they tend to be leaders, but it's a leadership kind of energy. That's why there's also this like alpha male and there's gonna be a bit of toxic masculinity if you go too far into it. Um, but it also is a problem solver. A lot of masculine men, when you come to them and you wanna vent, they just wanna solve the problem. They say, okay, they're gonna give you solutions, this and this and that. It's like, well, Don't gimme solutions. I'm just trying to vent. This is, I also notice I may be in my masculine injury every time my sister comes to vent to me and I'm like, well, why don't you do this? Why don't you do that? And almost 90% of the time she's like, why are you giving me solutions? I don't wanna hear solutions. I just want you to vent with me, or I want you to wallow with me. And I'm like, oh yeah, I forgot. Okay. Sorry. So this is also kind of a reaction that I have,'cause I've also been a lot in my masculine energy. But the masculine loves to problem solve. The masculine was the hunter. They go out. They catch things. A lot of the times they're by themselves, sometimes with other people, but they go and they are super focused. So that's why a lot of, um, men, they're, they're not multitaskers. They're focusing on one thing at a time. They're getting it done and they're committed. So you'll notice if you're, um, you could be like watching TV and texting on your phone and then you're like, oh, I forgot that, uh, later on we gotta do this thing. And you ask your boyfriend, Hey babe. Um, What time do we have to go to the party later? And if he's doing something, if he's focused on something, reading a message, he's not even gonna answer you. I mean, maybe he heard it, maybe somehow it clocked, but he's like focused on this thing. And us as women, we're like, oh, why is he ignoring me? But it's just how the male brain works. So they're just super focused. He's gonna read, you can wait five minutes, you could wait 10 minutes, and then suddenly he'll be like, yeah, what were you saying? Not being rude. That's just how the male brain works. That's how the masculine energy works. They're super focused on their one thing at a time and they have had to be biologically'cause they were hunting, right? Um, so they love a challenge. They love to, they say, take it on, bring it on. They're gonna, I'm gonna solve this, this problem. They want to be, the masculine wants to be useful. It wants to provide value and add value and, uh, Provide for others. That's what their use was biologically as cave people. So they want admiration, they want appreciation, they want respect. That's the main thing that it wants. Uh, it wants praise for having succeeded in doing the right thing in protecting the tribe, protecting the family, and providing for them. And the masculine energy is very independent. Uh, so this I didn't specify yet, you know, what's toxic, what's healthy, but that's just like the basic description of, of masculine energy. And a lot of women are operating. From the masculine, and this is a result of where feminism has taken us, where what we've seen, what we've respected growing up as, as children feminism, uh, has been is, I mean, the modern feminism today, the way people are, are approaching it. Today, I'm obviously a feminist, well, I don't know if it's obvious, but I am obviously a feminist in that I believe in. Equal rights. Uh, I, I feel like we're, I believe that we are very different beings and I do not want to be treated like a man. I want to be treated like a woman. Um, so that's one thing to say, but, uh, the, the way that modern feminism has brought women today is that they actually. Do not respect the feminine and they don't think that it's worthy. So they want to prove that anything you can do, I can do better. They wanna prove that they are. Don't need a man. I don't need a man. I don't need no man. Men are useless. That was another problem with the Barbie movie. Men are useless. Why do we need them? No, we do need men. Men are fantastic and, uh, all the heterosexual women who say, I don't need no man'cause they're dumb and they're useless. Well, that's a lie. You do want a man. You, uh, are on dating apps. You complain about the guys that you date. Why would you be dating if you're not trying to find a partner who's a man that you admire and that a man that you respect and a man who loves you and cherishes you? Don't come to me saying you wouldn't like that. That's not something that you want in your life. Um, okay. So the feminine, it's the yin and the yang. Right? And again, everybody has a little bit of both. If you don't have the other one, then you go into these toxic versions of them, which I'm going to dive in. So you, you need both. Uh, To not be a toxic person, So the feminine is the contrary to the masculine energy. It's flowing, it's dynamic. It's like water and the masculine is the glass. So it's also very powerful. Um, the feminine can't be predicted, uh, and it can't be explained with rational mind. It's emotional, it's chaotic, it's beautiful. It's life, it's nature. Hey guys, just wanted to quickly interrupt this episode to pop in here and say I am opening up slots in my calendar for one on one coaching in September of 2023. I'm only going to be taking on about two clients at the time because my time is super limited between running the business. I'm also doing a bit of marketing for another business I've invested in, plus working on this podcast. So I can only take on two at the moment, but it's going to be extremely Powerful. If you're looking for ways to feel more confident at work. Speaking to your boss or colleagues, or if you're frustrated because things just don't go your way and you want to be able to change that and take responsibility for it. Or you want to be able to speak your needs more comfortably in dating, in a relationship with your partner, or even just, you know, be that person that can receive instead of everyone always taking things from you. Um, this is going to be super valuable for you. Um, so I recommend that you jump on it as quickly as possible. You can either fill out the form in the link in my bio or just send me a DM and we can get that on the calendar, uh, booked and ready to go. Okay. Uh, it's not constrained by social norms because you're just following your heart, you're following your intuition. And this has been a, a really big and powerful part of me. Um, leaning more and learning more about my feminine energy, uh, is learning to follow my intuition. And the crazy things happen when you learn to listen to your intuition more and listen to your body. So, You're really a lot more heart-focused. You're present in the moment. You're like that dreamy artist. You're the muse. If the man is the driver, if the masculine is the driver. So the feminine energy plants the seed and the masculine energy waters the seed to grow. Okay? He's taking the action. You're just there is the seed and he's watering it. People who are more dominant in feminine energy, they're good at taking care of themselves and loving themselves. Um, they're, you know, they like to make themselves feel beautiful. They see the joy in the little things. They take time. They might not even be aware of the time. If once you get a little bit too toxic feminine, you are late everywhere.'cause you're like, oh, I was just so in the moment. Um, They're very creative, so they like to spend a lot of their time in nature or creating things. This is also what I feel like I'm doing right here with you, is just creating and, um, expressing myself, channeling through what is in my heart. Um, they're able to empathize more, so they're nurturing. They need to live in the community. So, um, the women in the, in the caveman times, biologically speaking, are a lot more dependent on the social infrastructure, on being a part of the clan. Is it clan the word? I think so. So being a part of the clan, so they're a lot more able to empathize with others. They're connecting with people. They're intuitive. They need that Connection. Um, and they're able to make judgements outside of the realm of rationality. So we are able to follow our hearts, our feelings, um, more than, than the masculine energy, which is just a lot more logical and rational. They prioritize their feelings overthinking, and that's something about the feminine energy. The male masculine energy is in the head. It's always thinking and the feminine energy is in the body. It's feeling masculine, energy is doing, and feminine energy is being okay. Uh, and the feminine energy. Somebody with feminine energy will generally have better communication skills, so there can be also men that are more feminine and women that are more in their masculine. So what is a man who is too much in their feminine, or I guess I can't really put it that way because it's okay if a man is more feminine. It's just that, um, that man should be paired if he is hetero or bi should be paired with a woman who is in her masculine for the polarity to work. Um, the thing is, is that the, now that f women are like, I have to work hard. I have to be ambitious. Career, career, career. And I don't give a. about having a man, even though they do. And you can see this example as well in, uh, oh, what was that TV show? Sex Life. Sex Life, where the woman, Sasha, um, she's like career driven, but she loves this man, but she Can't be with him because of her career, but she's like longing for him, but she doesn't wanna make it shown because then she'll be a bad feminist anyway. So these kind of like very, very, like, we've turned that way as women because we think that's what makes us valuable. Um, so we're like career, career, career. And then you end up attracting these feminine men. Where you end up saying, why do I have to plan all the dates? Why do I have to organize everything? Why is he just a blob on my couch and I have to do everything? I oh, the electricity's out. I have to call the electrician. Oh, the water, the plumbing needs fixing. Forget about it. My husband's not gonna do it. My man's not gonna do it. So that's when you're attracting a feminine man is be, is. You are too much in your masculine. So what is a fem, A man who's in his feminine? They're passive. Okay? So they're not setting up the dates, they are not courting you, they are not making the effort. Uh, that is a passive man. So if you find yourself doing Remember, you're doing all of the things, even like while you're dating. You're probably either the guy who's not interested in you or he is in his feminine. Uh, a man in his feminine is not the main financial provider or the provider for your wellbeing, your safety, your comfort, your pleasure. He should, he should be providing that to you if you can't provide financially, which is fine, I am also in, in, we can be in relationships today where. A man is not only providing financially, but he does need to provide in another way. Um, if you are in a good polar relationship, Um, he is a man in his feminine, is comfortable receiving and allowing you to take the lead. He's comfortable with you organizing all of the vacations that you go, that you go on. Um, he's comfortable with you doing all of the cooking, doing all of the cleaning, and also going out and going to work, and he's just chilling out. Um, He doesn't have a sense of purpose, so it's his career, either if it's his career, something he's doing on the side. He doesn't have something that drives him forward. He's just going with the flow with everything. A man in his feminine, uh, requires more emotional support than you. They're emotional. They can't handle their egos. Uh, they're, he has big outbursts like, oh, why did you call me that? Or they're like, get easily offended about stuff. Um, this is a man who's too much in his feminine because he doesn't have a, a man in his masculine is the container where you can be that Juan, who is more emotional and he holds space for you. A man in his feminine needs a lot of attention. Um, you need to give him a lot of compliments about how he looks, how he is as a person, uh, and you need to make sure that he's seen, he feels seen and validated. Masculine men do want praise, so don't get me wrong. Masculine men do want praise that they've done the right thing, that they're good men, that you're, that they, that they are able to make you happy, um, and that the work that they're doing means something. So the effort that they put in means something they do want. Praise for that and appreciation for that. So don't get confused by that. But a man who's in his too much, in his feminine. Needs you to validate him. Like women need their men to validate them. Um, when you are around your man and you feel that you cannot relax or surrender or trust him to lead, he might be in his feminine. If you're going around and. Trying to get somewhere and you're looking at Google Maps and he's like, let me take a look. And you're like, no, I'm gonna, I'm gonna get us there. That's either because you are too much in your feminine or you really don't trust him to get you there in a way that makes sense. And he, maybe because he's too much in his feminine. Um, Again, if you're the one making most of the decisions in the relationship, where are we gonna go eat? Uh, where are we gonna go for vacation? How are we gonna pay these bills? How are we gonna do this? How are we gonna do that? How are we going? Who's gonna drive there? I'm gonna drive, uh, you're, you're probably with a man who's too much in his feminine if you feel that you need to control everything and do all of the important things yourself, because you don't trust him to get those things done. You're with a man who's too much in his feminine. So what does it mean when women are too much and they're masculine? This is a lot of women. Today. We have really been forced into our masculine, into masculine energy, and in today's society, women are. Pushed to be more masculine and men are pushed to be more feminine because men are getting squashed saying, don't try tickling. You better not open the door for me. You better not. What do you think? I can't open a door myself. They're getting pushed out of being able to be in their masculine. They're getting shamed out of it, so men are pushed to be more feminine. Women are pushed to be more and they're masculine. Nobody's happy with it. Okay? Nobody's happy about getting pushed in those directions. Women might say they're more happy with it, but then you're stressed. You're burnt out, and you're wondering, why don't these men fucking do anything anymore? Why don't they open doors? Why don't they ask me on a date? Well, that's why. It's because we're getting pushed in these directions. So women are too much in their masculine. They're super ambitious. I can relate. I'm also super ambitious. Um, always have been, well, maybe not always, but most of my life I have been most of my adult life. Um, and they need to succeed. they're hyper independent, so they cannot take help from people. They have to do everything themselves. Um, everything like, oh, I can push this. I can lift this heavy thing by myself. I don't need anybody to help me. Uh, and even at work, it kind of shows up where I. You don't say no to stuff. People are gonna ask you to do stuff and you're like, yes, yes. I have to prove that I can do this. I have to prove, prove, prove. I can do all of these things, even if it's actually gonna affect your work performance. If somebody, a woman who's too much in their masculine,'cause they always gotta prove something. Women who are too much in their masculine, these women tend to be very stressed and burnt out. So you might be familiar with the signs of burnout. It is getting I don't have the list of them here, but it's something like, you don't si find joy in what you're used to. There's, there's a lot of symptoms of depression really, that kind of, but they're more specific to work. So like you don't really care about what you're doing at work anymore. You're getting super irritated. Like the tiniest thing kind of pushes you over. You get really easily overwhelmed. Um, you just can't even That's how it feels. I've been burnt out before and like you look at and you're just like, oh God, I can't do this. And you're. Performance starts to suffer. So women who are too much in their masculine tend to get very easily, very stressed and burnt out, and they're just trying to do everything by themselves. They're trying to raise their baby. They don't want help from the man.'cause men are useless. Of course. Remember, um, they don't want help from anybody because I am a hyper independent superwoman. I can do it all by myself. Why? I'm asking, why do you want to do all of that by yourself? Who are you trying to prove? Anything too. Anyway, let me continue. This woman is very competitive. Again, she is more concerned with proving her worth than connecting. She's on a date, she's one-upping the guy on career accomplishments. Um, oh yeah, I've, I've done this, I've done this. Uh, she's, she ends up doing career advice for the guys she's on a date with. The guys aren't impressed. They don't care about, they don't care about those kind of things. Um, But yet you're out there trying to just make sure that you're validated, that you can, you, you don't let him pay for you. You gotta go 50 50 on everything. No, no, no, no, no. Don't pay for me. Don't pay for me. Um, that's because you need to show that you can be an equal contributor.'cause you need to prove something about yourself. Uh, the woman who's too much in her masculine is controlling. She cannot let go. She cannot trust other people to do something because of course they're not gonna do it. Exactly right. Exactly the way that she had in her mind imagined. Um, so she's gonna be in the car and saying, watch out. Don't turn, don't turn there. Slow down, slow down this and this and that. Controlling, are you gonna wear that? Uh, all of these kind of controlling nitpicky things, which I've also actually added to being in your toxic femininity. I haven't quite figured out yet this whole controlling behavior if it's more women who are too much in their masculine or toxic femininity. But I think it can be a combo. So if you're controlling everything, it's, you're picking the venue, you're picking where you're gonna go out for dinner, you're picking how you're gonna get there. You're controlling everything, not letting the guy organize. That's very tiring. I'm very happy to be with a man who organizes most stuff'cause I'm already stressed out enough as it is at work. I don't have to think about that stuff when we're together. Um, women who are too much in their masculine tend to be very judgmental of feminine women, so they look at. Tim Kardashian. You're like, he, oh my God, she's so dumb. When, you know, she's a billionaire who is a very successful businesswoman. Uh, they'll be very judgmental of women who dress provocatively or who dress feminine. Um, have. Heels on, I don't know. They're, they're very judgmental of women who work from home, or, sorry, not work from home, but who are a stay at home mom. Uh, they're just generally jealous or bitter in the face of feminine energy. Again, this is the kind of women who are like, oh no, girls are catty. I don't wanna be friends with girls. Uh, this can also be a part of kind of toxic femininity, but girls are catty. Uh, it's easier with guys. All these kind of things. Too much in your masculine women, in their masculine, always doing the planning, the figuring out, the fixing, the organizing you're doing, you're doing. You're always in your head. Can't just sit down, relax and feel, feel through your things. You have to be thinking and overthinking all the time. And women too much in their masculine are deriving their value from how much they can give and do for people. All right, so now we're gonna talk about the toxic versions of femininity and masculinity. I'm gonna start with max masculinity and the healthy version. So I'm gonna go toxic and then healthy. So toxic masculinity. I don't need to dive that much into this one'cause this is the one that we talk about all the time. Everybody knows what toxic masculinity is, to the point that there are so many men today, the poor, late millennials. Gen Zs possibly even older than that. They've been fed this so long about toxic masculinity that they think any form of masculinity is toxic. That's why the men today are becoming more and more feminine. They think any masculinity is toxic. If you say a muscular guy, they're like, Ew. Andrew Tate No, that's not the only form of MAs. There is toxic masculinity. Just like there is toxic femininity, which, which we'd never ever talk about. I tried to do some research before this podcast episode. Nothing, nothing about toxic femininity. Why not? So we only talk about toxic masculinity, so I'm not gonna dive into it that much, but I'll just overview. Um, So the tox? Yes. Andrew Tate, he sleeps around. He caress ab. He talks about his sexual cons, conquests. He's obsessed with his body count. He treats women like shit. Uh, never wants a relationship, doesn't want commitment. You know, the guy, he's highly avoidant and he makes fun of people for expressing their emotions. He certainly can't express any emotions. Uh, he can't handle anybody. Showing emotions around him. Uh, just get those emotions out of here. So it's just a very, very avoidant, dismissive kind of attachment style there. The toxic masculine refuses to do any household work, refuses to do any work raising the child. Note that I did not say helping with the child because it's your child, dude. It's child work the same for you, but he refuses to do this kind of work. Uh, this toxic masculine is overly dominant. So a good masculine man can be dominant. There's a healthy kind of sub dom, um, in a way that's consensual. And both pe, both parties are left empowered, but this guy's overly do dominant, overly controlling to the point of probably being violent, watching your ever. Every move telling you who you can hang out with and who you can't hang out with, telling you what kind of things you can post online. This is the toxic masculinity. He's belittling of expressions of emotions. He makes fun of you if you cry. Uh, oh my God. Don't even imagine being another guy around him crying. Um, they will treat their spouses if hetero, which most toxic masculine people will be, uh, as inferior. They're inferior beings. Uh, they're violent. They take excessive risks. Gambling, driving too fast, uh, eating horribly, eating a shit ton of meat just to be, that's risky behavior to eat that much meat. And they're doing it just to show how manly they are. And most of them are homophobic. So that is kind of the toxic masculinity. We're all familiar with it. We all talk about it all the time. Um, and it is very toxic. I also just wanna highlight what is the healthy masculinity. So I, I remember when I started talking about this and I was, was Declaring that I want a masculine man to date. A lot of people were thinking like, why do you wanna date a toxic guy? And I'm like, what do you mean toxic? I want a healthy masculine, it's not toxic at all. Um, they were thinking frat boy, like he, he, he, oh yeah, I'm, I'm big shot like alpha male kind of guy. That's not what it is. Um, and it's really weird that we have put down masculinity, so Um, intensely in society that men can't even be men. But what is a healthy masculine guy? Healthy masculine guy is driven and passionate. They have a purpose and they follow that purpose and they're focused on it. They are committed beings. They're, they are really committed. And that's why sometimes, um, like my boyfriend for example, sometimes I wanna have a call and he's like, baby, I'm really tired and I wanna be able to give you my full attention so I can, we have this call tomorrow when I don't feel as tired anymore and I've had a good night's sleep so I can really pay attention to you. That's an act of commitment, um, because he wants to fully commit to the thing that they're in. So, They're structured, they're like doing one thing at a time and they can hold space. They lead. So they're gonna be the ones organizing the dates, they're gonna be the ones organizing a lot of the vacation. Generally. They're gonna wanna drive, they're gonna wanna lead so that you can relax in your feminine. They drive, they take the action, they drive things forward. They are confident. Um, they are They want to protect and provide the people around them. So, you know, the people who are like caring, like do they get home? Okay? They want people to be safe. Uh, not only safe physically, but also safe, emotionally safe, that you can trust this person safe, that you can, you can let go around them so you can let go and be yourself and not have to control everything all the time. When you feel that way around somebody that you can just let go, that's when you know you're around a healthy masculine. Uh, they hold space for emotion, so they might, they can control their emotions. They're in touch with their emotions, but they don't have these crazy outbursts, um, like a feminine person would have. So they hold the space for emotion and other people having outbursts around them doesn't really affect them that much. They can hold it and they can calm it down. Um, they're a giver, so they're generous. They want to give. To people and they want to provide either financially or in other ways to their spouse and their families. That's healthy masculinity. Um, oh man, I'm sweating so much. There's no air in here, Um, for those who are watching this video, you can see me slowly melting probably. So toxic femininity. So I'm gonna talk a bit about toxic femininity. Healthy femininity and that's gonna be the end of this. So what is toxic femininity? And my question is, why do we never talk about it again? It's a little tricky to some of these, it's like, is this just a woman who's too much in her masculine or is this toxic femininity? And I guess it just depends on where it's coming from. So the first part of toxic femininity is being overly submissive. So I think there's a great way to be submissive in a way where you have really strong boundaries, where you've strongly vetted the person that you're with and you really, really trust them. And, uh, you know that they want your safety, you know that you want to be happy. They will listen to your boundaries, and you're able to express your boundaries. Then you can be submissive in a healthy way. But toxic femininity, they're overly submissive and they don't set boundaries. They do not state their needs. So they just do whatever the other person wants. They're super people pleasers, um, to their own detriment. And I've recorded this in an episode before. This is not, this is actually ends up being passive aggressive because you Become resentful towards yourself, towards everybody around you, because obviously your, your needs don't get met because you have never been able to state them. You're just hoping somebody's gonna figure them out, or somebody's going to remove their boundaries like you have been doing this whole time. So this is toxic. Femininity is being this, like I am gonna sacrifice myself and be a martyr for everybody around me so that I can make everybody else happy. News for you doesn't really affect anybody's happiness. You being a martyr, I. It doesn't make any difference to the happiness of the people around you. More so it might even make them a little bit uncomfortable because they don't really know how to deal with you because you're not being honest about what your needs are. If you were just saying, oh no, I actually don't want to eat that. Thank you. Um, and then when you do say, yeah, that was good, then they'll be like, wow, they really liked it. Versus if you're like, oh yeah, mm oh, it's so good. And they know that you say that for everything. They're never gonna trust what you say. It doesn't really matter. They don't respect when you say that you like something. Uh, because you never actually say when you don't like anything, so it's not helpful for anybody. Another way that femininity could be toxic is criticizing, so criticizing the man. So if you are with a man that you trust, you chose him, right? You chose him because as far as I last checked Well, nevermind. I was gonna say, we don't really aren't arranging these, these marriages anymore. I think there are, yeah, there are obviously still arranged marriages, but for the most of us, for a lot of us, you chose the man that you're with. So why did you not choose a man that you trust to take care of himself and to, um, live his own life? Why are you critic? Why are you telling him how to drive and do all of these things? Why are you telling him how to dress? Is he not a grown man? So criticizing him, For not doing things exactly how you want them, emasculating him, um, by telling him how to do stuff or not letting him do things for you. Nagging him about not being manly enough. Why are you being emotional right now? Why aren't be a man? Why didn't you fix the sink? Be a man. Um, that's very toxic femininity and not being appreciative of the things that he does for you. That's toxic. Um, another part of toxic femininity is thinking that the more you take care of somebody, the more you give to them, the more you. Take care. The more value, the more they will value you or love you. So this happens a lot in dating as well. Women say, oh, maybe I'm gonna send him a care package. Oh, maybe I'm gonna stop by his work and bring him some coffees. Oh, maybe I'm gonna try to organize something or maybe, um, you know, I'll send him a good morning text. Uh, the more you do this, that's not gonna change how they feel about you. So you It's actually a manipulation thinking that it, if you give, you're gonna get that same thing reciprocated. That's not how it works. That's not how men and women see each other. Um, so that is also toxic femininity, feeling competitive against other women. So this is where it comes in. We're like, women are Cady, women are sneaky. They stab each other in the back. They're always in competition. That's the when you're, they're toxic femininity. My best friendships are with women. Um, and it's really important I think for women to have friendships with other women and not be in competition with each other. That is toxic, that is not normal femininity. Um, then we have women splaining So, uh, women splaining is. The opposite of mansplaining, but it's kind of like mothering your partner. So again, we have this whole rhetoric of men are useless today. Why do we need men? Because back in the day, the thing that men would do is provide for the family. So they would go to work and we do all the feminine stuff, but today we don't need them to do that because we ha we make our own money, we make our own job, we have our own jobs. We can bring home the bacon. So what the hell is the use of men? That is what people think. So, Women start to mother their partners because they think that they're useless. Well, let me tell you, first of all, Uh, men are smart and perfectly capable, and they can take care of themselves, and they do not need you to mother them. Second of all, you do not want to mother them. You probably complain about doing that, so there's no reason to be doing that, but a lot of women end up doing it because they. Do not trust their man. So they will woman splain, telling a man how to cook, telling him how to clean, telling him how to dress, telling him, don't forget you have a dentist appointment tomorrow. Don't forget you have to book a dentist appointment in the next six months. Um, you don't wanna be doing that, and your man does not want you to be doing that for him. That is toxic femininity. That's also a part of the thinking that you're taking care of him and that that's gonna make him love you more, or somehow make you more valuable or harder to get rid of. Somehow another part of toxic fem femininity is male bashing God. We talk so much shit about men and men. Women still go on dating apps. They still go out looking for men. They still go out trying to date. Um, so clearly you do wanna be with men and you are hoping that there is a great man out there. So why are you bashing them?'cause that's changing your conception of how you think about them. There are great men out there, so stop bashing men, uh, because if you hate men, Why are you gonna find, how are you gonna find one that you love and that's gonna love you back? So there's no reason for us to be bashing males. The whole point of feminism is for us to feel equal. So why are we trying to bring them down? Uh, oversexualization. So this is kind of. When women only see their value from their beauty and their sexuality, and they think that this is the only way that they have found to be able to connect with people so they have sex with people as a. Grasp for connection rather than exploring their sexualities or because they really had that desire. But that's just the way that they can find the validation that they need. Um, another thing, a toxic femininity, which is quite interesting, which is when you have no masculine energy, so you are just unreliable. So it's great. The femininity is, she's fluid, she is artistic, she's creative. Right. You know, she can't be contained or she can be contained by the masculine energy. But when you're so far in your feminine energy, you become super unreliable. You're unorganized, you're late all the time. You can't control your own life. You have no drive. You're just the dreamer who's like, Ooh, maybe you just let life happen to you. Um, because you don't drive it forward. So that's when you probably need to up the masculine energy in your own life is when you are this extreme in the feminine, um, and last in a healthy femininity. So this is what I love. This is what I've been developing for myself for the last year and what I hope to be talking a lot more about on this show, uh, because it really, this is about confidence communication and it's really when you Dived as a woman, if you really, you know in your authentic self, if you feel most comfortable and empowered in your feminine energy and you want a masculine man, then you wanna be in your healthy femininity. And this helps you build a lot of confidence in yourself and you like learning more. Communication skills really helps you bask in it and just be in that juicy energy. So. Healthy femininity is having a lot of other women friends around you. I now, I used to only hang out with guys when I thought it was, for some reason that made me cooler'cause I was one of the guys, uh, and I was like, oh, I'm not a girly girl. And for some reason that was a point of pride of mine. But um, now I have majority women friends and it's so wonderful to be able to. Feed off of them. Oh, that sounds weird. Feed off. You know, have good energy exchange. That energy. It's just not the kind of conversations I can have with men, and I feel like I can really be my authentic self there. Uh, a healthy feminine person is present in the moment. They're in their body. They're not thinking about the past, they're not thinking about the future. They're, they're here and now and really valuing the moment. They're creative, um, they're nurturing so they can, they create things. Women, they create humans, they create life. Uh, so that's why women tend to have more of the feminine energy. And we are creating things all the time, building homes, making them beautiful. We really appreciate the pleasures in life and the aesthetic things. I like. Men are very purposeful, purpose-based and functional. Or the masculine energy is very purposeful and functional and, um, we like to make, you know, things that might not be as necessary, but they add joy and pleasure. Um, so they seek pleasure. They seek joy. The healthy femininity being able to receive. So not only being able to receive from a man when he is trying to open the door for you or trying to take care of you or trying to provide financially in some way, but you're also being able to receive from Uh, other things. You can receive a compliment. You can receive help from other people easily, easily, and happily. You can receive money from the universe and you are grateful for it and joyous about it, and you express that gratitude. Always express the gratitude. That's a very healthy feminine thing to do. You're truly empathetic and you care about others, and you care about making those connections yet. Here's the thing. A healthy, feminine energy energetic person has very, very strong boundaries and you communicate them well, and they're firm, but they're kind and they're caring. So if, if you don't have those boundaries, it's very, very difficult to feel safe in a relationship with a masculine man because he's gonna be driving things. And if you aren't able to communicate what's okay and what's not okay, and what you like and what you don't like, Um, how are, like, you're gonna have to just control it yourself because you're not gonna be able to trust the other person to lead'cause they're not gonna know. Um, and they're gonna make the wrong kind of decisions. So feeling healthy, being able to let go. That's the whole thing about healthy Femininities. Being able to let go and kind of let things happen a little bit more and relax more. But you have to be able to speak your boundaries. Say what it is that you want. Otherwise, it doesn't work. Um, healthy femininity is taking care of yourself. You're going to the gym, you're making time for yourself. You are making yourself feel beautiful, not according to trends and standards, but according to you. What is the thing that makes you feel most beautiful? And that's what you're gonna do for me, I like to put on nice lingerie. I like to put my put on makeup, do my hair, put on nice clothes, get my nails done. That makes me feel beautiful. Have nice shaved legs. I like those kind of things. I like to smell good. Uh, whatever it is for you that makes you feel beautiful, do those practices often. Um, you also know how to put yourself first, fill your own cup so that you can be there for everybody around you and you prioritize how you feel, how you feel. While caring about others, it's having that beautiful dynamic and balance, and you embrace your intuition oftentimes over logic, which has been a really hard thing for me. You want, you're deeply connected to your emotions and you understand them, and you have increasing emotional intelligence without trying to control everything. So that's that. Uh, again, everybody has a bit of both and you need to have both. Otherwise you go into the toxic side of it. If you don't have both. You can't really live a fulfilled life, but, uh, as a woman, Most women wanna be more in their feminine, but they struggle today because it's a lot more rewarded by society to be in your masculine energy. But then it's very hard to find a partner that fulfills you the way that you want and for you to not be stressed out all the time. So that is that if you've listened all the way to the end, you are awesome. I really appreciate it. Uh, let me know. If you have, if you've been following in any way, please do subscribe. I think I may launch this on YouTube now that I am on video. Please subscribe. Please leave some kind of comment. If you enjoyed it, it would really, really help me out. A review on the platform that you listened to this on. I would love you forever. Let me know if you did. If you did, let me know. Uh, and I will. Send you a little gift somehow. Um, that's all, and I will see you next time. Thank you. 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