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Follow Maeva on Instagram for more content: https://instagram.com/purposefulliving.co
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The links mentioned in the episode:
Follow Maeva on Instagram for more content: https://instagram.com/purposefulliving.co
Want some 1:1 coaching with Maeva? Fill out this form: https://forms.gle/RfBKV8MpCiZu7vBy8
Welcome to purposeful living the podcast that empowers you to live your life with intention and purpose. I'm your host, Maiva Cifuentes, a business owner, investor, marketer, psychology graduate, certified confidence coach, cat mom, and improviser. I'm here to break down the woo woo. Into practical strategies that make actual sense for those that love the idea of leading with their heart spirit and universal guidance, but struggle to make any logical sense of it. I'm here to talk it through in practical terms and help you put it into action. In this podcast, I talk about communication and confidence. How to communicate effectively with your body, your mind, lovers, partners, co workers, clients, and friends. Through science, anecdotes, personal experiences, and practical exercises, we'll explore how your lifestyle and habits contribute to living your best life. Hey guys, how's it going? So today I am recording an episode called 10 Habits and Thoughts that are Sabotaging Your Confidence. This falls on the 10th episode, so yay, I made it through 10 whole episodes. That's actually a huge achievement for me. Uh, I'm really excited and if you're still listening all the way from the beginning, thank you so much. It's meant a lot to me. To create this podcast, uh, almost on a weekly basis. I did have a, a couple of weeks off, but I'm really dedicated to doing this every week. And, uh, I'm very, very passionate about it because I've learned a lot over the years, over my studies, over my own coaching, um, over my own experience and. I've really, when I look back and read at, read my journals, um, the ways that I was thinking about myself, about the world, about the way that I interacted with people and what I've been able to overcome has just been really phenomenal and special and exciting. Um, so I'm really Pleased to be able to share it with people and hopefully help somebody, like even if I can help one person change the way that they think about themselves, that would just go miles and miles for me. I mean that, that would just be such a huge accomplishment if I can get one person to decide. You know what? I'm not This isn't the only thing that there is. I can actually change this up. I can live purposefully and, um, in many aspects of my life, if not all of them, and actually realize that everything in your life from the way that you feel to, um, the way that you appreciate what you do, they're all choices. Some of them are really hard. Something I've been going through thinking about today is We say life is all a choice. Uh, okay, you're feeling bad, you're not happy with your job. Well, that's your choice. True. Um, but let's not forget that some of those choices are really scary and really hard, and some of the things that you might have to let go of and you, you know, to move on to the next version of you. Um, sometimes. That can be really scary and you don't know if it's the right decision or not sometimes. So it's really about bravery, getting in touch with your intuition and making big scary leaps when you don't really know what's ahead. And so a big part of it is also I. You know, faith and just Mm. Going for the best possible things for you. So, um, anyway, I'm here in my beautiful recording studio. I'm just really excited about it today. I did like a full makeover of this room and my office, so they're separate rooms, uh, because I record this on the weekends and I don't wanna feel like I'm working while I'm recording this. So I have my That room and this room and, uh, it's just so precious. I love it in here. I'm gonna spend time in here reading, manifesting. I have my tarot cards, I have my journals here. I got some highlighters for back to school time, so I'm just feeling really into my Virgo season right now. So, yeah. Um, let's dive into this episode because I have a lot to go through. It's Sunday, it's raining, it's cozy. I'm feeling this podcast. I hope that you are listening to this in a cozy place or, you know, whenever works for you. So, 10 habits and thoughts that are sabotaging your confidence. Number one is I need to feel confident to act confident. A lot of people think that in order to act confident, you have to feel it first. Um, This is false actually in, it's actually the opposite. Like, I don't even have that much to say about this. Other than confidence is a skill that comes with practice and even the act of looking confident, um, is something that you have to act before you feel it always. Um, Yes, there are some people who are naturally more confident than others, and that's for a plethora of reasons. But everybody who has been able to learn confidence, which is actually most people, not most people, when they're younger, they go through insecurities. Even the most popular people that you were going to school with, they all have their insecurities, and I'm sure now if you're an adult listening to this, you can look back and say, yes, those teenagers were insecure, even if they were acting really Confident it's all, um, an act that then becomes reality. So you don't need to feel confident before you act confident. For example, if you're gonna go and give a talk, most people cannot tell that you're nervous. So if you go up there and say, sorry guys, I'm really nervous that that's the only way that people know that you're gonna be nervous. Okay? So you can actually just act confident by speaking slowly. Taking up your space, having eye contact, shoulders back, open posture. Um, there's many, many, many techniques in acting confidence. And of course there's confidence in, um, a lot of different areas like confidence, talking to strangers, confidence in social situations, confidence in dating, confidence at work. You know, there's so many different areas of confidence and for each one of those, there's ways that you can learn to act confident. So you can also go and work with a coach. Hello, that's me. Um, to help you become, learn how to start to act more confident. So the feeling then is going to come with it. Um, okay, so we have number two, negative self-talk. Negative self-talk is Something that everybody does, a lot of people do, and it's very, very, very damaging. So it actually changes the way that our brain works. Uh, or it changes it. It has a detrimental effect on the brain and the body. If you wanna talk neuroscience, basically the brain works as a command center for the rest of the body. It's up there saying, okay, we need to regulate this glucose. We need to regulate these, um, Hormones, neurotransmitters are going around, sending messages. It's a command center and like it operates like a business basically. So business is going to have a budget, uh, that it can spend to operate all of these different departments. And the brain the same way, has a budget of energy that it spends to keep the body alive in the most efficient way. So everything that you do is either a withdrawal or a deposit. Into that brain's energy budget, and every time you give negative self-talk. So first, there's all the subconscious stuff that you are programming your brain to believe. The negative self-talk that you get, that you say to yourself, but also you are withdrawing from the brain's budget. So it's damaging to you because as you withdraw from the brain's budget, it has less energy to spend trying to regulate things like disease or keeping you healthy. So that's one thing to think about. Um, so I am the kind of person who, for example, I'm the kind of person who's really bad at budgeting. You're not confident with money. You tell yourself you're the kind of person who's bad, bad at budgeting. Uh, that's not true. You've just never chosen to, I. A learn to budget and find a way to budget that works for you because there's a bunch of different ways to do anything. Um, you can say maybe that you don't like it, but that you can't do it. That's just because you haven't actually put the effort into it. It's a fixed mindset, which is the opposite of growth mindset. You think that you are unable to change, but the only reason you are unable is because you've actually chosen not to. So we've created our own internal, internal narratives and beliefs. We create them in in three different ways. So the first one is what we hear from our caregivers from an early age. We listen to our parents, our families, our caregivers, our teachers, our communities, and they tell us, oh, um, Hey, little Martha, you're not good at math, are you? Or you make a mistake? Well, it's fine. You know, you're not that strong at math. So your whole life you are telling yourself, I'm not good at math. I'm not good at math. And when you look at numbers, your brain, you're not even gonna try to deal with those numbers because you just say, I'm not good with numbers, because people have been telling you that your whole life. Um, And there's a lot of different examples of this. You probably can recall one right now, as I tell you, but that's one of the ways we, we create our internal narratives about ourselves. Um, We also create these internal narratives by what we see. So we're, we watch others and we learn from other people's experiences. So you can learn from watching your parents or your siblings, uh, or somebody from our community, for example, this negative self-talk, or this is just negative talk in general. Um, but you can see your parents fighting over money. Something happens, they're fighting and it's money many times. So you start to tell yourself. Money equals fighting money is bad. Uh, so I don't, I don't feel confident making money and that's very subconscious. Um, that's something that you might not even realize that you are going through, but that's one of the reasons you might be repelling money. This is all just an example that does tie back to confidence. And then another way that we create these internal narratives is what we've experienced. So, um, you may have had a horrible experience where you felt like really emotional or physical pain or shame or embarrassment or something. And then the brain, which is a predicting organ, actually, it just predicts. So as it's trying to run this command center and, um, feed all of the things that, that it needs to feed, it doesn't wanna do it right in the moment, it wants to do it a little bit in advance so it predicts. So if it sees a similar situation where before, uh, last time we felt pain or shame or embarrassment, it starts to make you feel that anxiety already. Um, In the, in the past. So if, when you, sorry, uh, before the event happens, so before you even get to check again if things might be different this time. So if you as a kid, um, had to go up in school and give a presentation and everybody laughed at you for the rest of your life, um, well for a lot of people because they just don't try again. Um, they're never gonna wanna go up and, and talk because they have this kind of anxiety around it. So you start to feel this just based on your past experiences. This happens a lot in dating as well. You date a certain kind of person, um, or you get cheated on, for example. And then it's really, really hard to trust and feel confident in a relationship. Feel confident that you're not gonna get betrayed because of this traumatic experience that you had in the past. Number three. Um, you think of the worst case scenario or the worst case response from somebody instead of the best case scenario. So, um, the way that we, the actions that we take and the way that we construe situations actually can Impact our hormonal profile. So if we see a situation beforehand as difficult and threat inducing, it actually will make it difficult and threat inducing. So it is a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy because if you're thinking the worst is gonna happen, the worst is gonna happen, um, then your body's actually getting ready for fight and flight. So, For example, if you are at at work and somebody's has taken credit for your work, and they go on the all hands, uh, and they say, oh yeah, Susie over here launched this project. It was super successful. I. Great return on investment and you're like, wait, what the hell? I did that. Susie just came in and did like a tiny bit at the end. Um, and you have to actually say something to her just for the principle. You're like, yo, that was my work. Why did you take credit for it? So, You already thinking possibly about the worst case scenario here, she's gonna be a B word about it. Or, um, maybe, I don't know, something nasty is gonna happen and you start to anticipate this negative response, then your hormone one level already spikes. So it actually does have an effect on your. On your body, um, your heart, your, your cortisol is gonna sp spike and you're gonna trigger the fight or flight response. So when you have the fight or flight response triggered, you start to sweat, your heart rate increases your muscle tense. And when this happens, when cortisol is up, we lose our ability to think clearly. We actually lose our ability to think clearly, and we don't go through the situation as as good as we can, and then we lose confidence. And it's a cycle. It's a cycle. So what are you supposed to do here? Well, something that you could do is why not try to consider what the best case scenario could be. I know this sounds really weird, but like, let's say you wanna have a tough conversation. You wanna draw a boundary. With your partner, you wanna draw a boundary with your partner. You're really afraid that they are going to get upset by it, or you're afraid that they're not gonna meet it, or that you're gonna look like a fool or, I don't know what you might be afraid of here. And you start thinking about all this stuff. Well, you know what? Your cortisol levels are gonna go up and it's gonna be a lot harder to communicate. So what if you were thinking about the best case scenario that you guys, and this happens a lot, like if you really think about it in the past, If you think about when you've had these tough conversations with a partner, it's hard. You guys may cry, but then at the end, oh my God, it feels so much good. You feel so much closer. Things get better and you're like, oh, I'm so glad that I got that off of my chest. And we had like a really, really good bonding situation here. So if you, so this could be a best case scenario and think about that coming and then you're like, okay, yeah, I really, really wanna have this conversation now and I'm not scared because it's gonna make me feel better then I feel now.'cause I feel bad now, which is why I have to have this conversation. So if you can think about it that way, that already is gonna change the kinds of hormones that are coming outta you. Another thing you can do is Laugh, Um, laughter is actually a proven way to lower cortisol levels. Uh, and talking with somebody that you trust is also a proven way to lower cortisol levels. So if you're about to go into this difficult conversation, um, you can talk to somebody that you know is funny, that's gonna make you laugh, uh, or you can try like moderate exercise, even power posing, like all these kind of things that are known to balance out the hormones, especially, um, cortisol. That's gonna help you in the situation and remember that, um, si it's scientifically proven. That humans hardwire negative beliefs and they remember threats more than rewards. This is a survival instinct. Okay? We need to remember the threats as cave people. We need to remember the threats more because we need to remember how to stay safe and how to stay alive. Um, so we remember threats more than rewards. So if you acknowledge at the time when you're feeling freaked out about the threat that I'm, you're more likely to remember the times you failed than the times you succeeded. So, let me repeat that. You are more likely to remember the times you failed than the times you succeeded. Just normalizing the fact that, okay, I'm thinking about how I might fail'cause I failed before. And then you say, well, I'm actually more likely to think about the times I failed. But realistically speaking, statistically speaking, I may have succeeded just as many times. That already kind of balances it out as well. Okay. Reason number four, uh, or sorry, habit or thought number four that sabotages your confidence is perfectionism. Hey guys, just wanted to quickly interrupt this episode to pop in here and say I am opening up slots in my calendar for one on one coaching in September of 2023. I'm only going to be taking on about two clients at the time because my time is super limited between running the business. I'm also doing a bit of marketing for another business I've invested in, plus working on this podcast. So I can only take on two at the moment, but it's going to be extremely Powerful. If you're looking for ways to feel more confident at work. Speaking to your boss or colleagues, or if you're frustrated because things just don't go your way and you want to be able to change that and take responsibility for it. Or you want to be able to speak your needs more comfortably in dating, in a relationship with your partner, or even just, you know, be that person that can receive instead of everyone always taking things from you. Um, this is going to be super valuable for you. Um, so I recommend that you jump on it as quickly as possible. You can either fill out the form in the link in my bio or just send me a DM and we can get that on the calendar, uh, booked and ready to go. Um, I would actually say perfectionism slash procrastination because procrastination is a form of, sorry. Perfectionism is a form of procrastination in my experience. So we know a lot more women are riddled with the Disease, I don't wanna call it disease, but it's really damaging to be a perfectionist, yet we wear it like a badge of honor. We're like, yes, I'm a perfectionist. Some people might even put it on their cv. Somebody comes to me on their CV and says Perfectionist on there, and be like, oh God. This person's never gonna get anything done. Um, please know, it doesn't mean that you, so, x being, you know, dedicated to excellence is not the same as perfectionism. Perfectionism is very, very stressful. Um, situation where you are trying to reach something that's actually impossible, uh, because you have something to prove. But really it's just a form of trying to get away, like being scared of, of failure. So you procrastinate. So, Perfectionists really, really end up achieving much less than they aspire to because they will hold back and they will even stop taking challenges. On all together because they're afraid it's not gonna be perfect, or they're afraid of failure. And, uh, if you've been listening to me or following me on Instagram, you know that the steps to actually build confidence is to allow yourself to fail. You have to try Little steps, little steps. Let yourself fail. Try again. Get little wins. You have to allow that to happen in order to build confidence. There is no shortcut to confidence. You have to be able to fail. Um, so if you're a perfectionist, you're never gonna be able to build that confidence in a space and you're just gonna stay small and stay in your comfort zone. Um, it's also, I'm gonna, and I'm linking to these studies in the, um, in the show notes if you wanna take a look at them. But actually, Perfectionism is tied to higher rates of burnout, intense procrastination, long-term depression, debilitating anxiety, and even su suicidal thoughts. Suicidality, um, perfectionism is dangerous, and not only is it gonna get in the way of building confidence, but. Um, it also has all of these other really, really bad symptoms and results, consequences. So if you feel like you're a perfectionist, stop bragging about it because it's actually something that you need to overcome because it's in your way If you actually want to uplevel and, um, find your, you know, highest good. Um, Something that you can tell, uh, perfectionism is if you see one failure, like one thing goes wrong, that's an indication that you suck rather than. A first step towards something or a step, like one step closer. That's what failures are. Little failures. They're a step closer and they're not an indication of anything about your skill. It just says, oh, I saw this thing on Instagram. Uh, what did it say? I shared it actually. It said, uh, um, What was it again? It was something like, it was a really, really good quote that really makes me think about this. Oh yeah. Imposter syndrome. Um, I don't have this figured out, or no, I don't know what I'm doing. Oh, yeah. Imposter syndrome. I don't know what I'm doing. It's only a matter of time until everybody figures it out. Growth mindset. I don't know what I'm doing. It's only a matter of time until I figure out, until I figure it out. So that's kind of the different ways to see it. And you have to know that you're like, you're gonna be a fool at the beginning. Like when you're learning a language, the only way you can learn is by ma. Like start talking to people and you're gonna make mistakes and sound silly. Um, So sorry, that was actually number five. uh, I skipped from, so I went after perfectionism. So number five. Number five, a thought process of that's gonna stop you from, that's gonna sabotage your confidence is this way of thinking that, um, you see failure as an indication that you suck rather than a first step. So, uh, confidence is the willingness to try something. And the way to build confidence is to understand. You have to accept that things aren't gonna work at first. And you have to keep trying. Like if you see, I went to a museum, the science museum the other day, and they were talking about all the different, you know, rocket ships that they built before they were going to the moon. And man, they were just exploding. Million multimillion dollar projects and they just would like explode. And it would be the best scientists, the best minds in all of rocket science, literally like they are rocket scientists. The best minds in all rocket scientists. They'll put millions and millions researching it kind of rocket and it would just explode in line on fire. And um, they weren't like, oh no, I'm a terrible scientist. They're like, okay, well now we've learned this and this and that. And then they kept going and then they were on the moon. So, Imagine if they had stopped earlier because they were like, oh, it's a failure, or, I'm never gonna get this right. I just must not be good at it. No, they had to like, I mean, that's good about the scientific mind because they know that they have to keep like iterating and you can do that the same, um, to build your own confidence. Number six, a habit that sa self sabotages, that sabotages your confidence is self-deprecation. Please stop self-deprecating. I know you think you're being funny, but, and maybe people are laughing, but we all know that there's some sort of truth in there that you're trying to say and you're just saying something nasty about yourself. And like I said, those negative self, you're just saying it out loud and like laughing about it. Um, and it's not that funny, to be fair. It's, it's sad. Um, not to be judgmental, you know, but, um, it is sad because you are, I don't know, trying to get a reaction, trying to get a reaction somehow by the pain that you feel inside, um, where the words that you say are programming your brain. You're delivering Code to your brain in order for it to, what did they say in code? Is it re realize? I don't know, manifest, I guess I wanna say, um, reality. And so if you're doing self-deprecating jokes all the time, you really start to believe it and it's really Dangerous slippery slope to walk down. So that's a habit that you should stop immediately, um, because the more you self deprecate, the more you're gonna believe it and the less likely you need to be able to believe that you can get good at something, even if you're not now, um, in order to be able to get there. So you have to be like open to that possibility. Uh, and self-deprecation is a closed-minded mindset. Number seven. Um, comparing yourself to others. So this is human nature to compare ourselves to other, we actually have to do it. We, or like we are a social animal. So we orient ourselves to the world socially. All of our values, our beliefs, our self-perception. It is based on everybody that's around us. And, um, you know, we have 8 billion people. On the planet, and we're looking at them saying, okay, how do I fit into this society? Who am I? Where do I fit in? So yes, um, it is healthy to an extent and completely normal to compare yourselves to other people. And so it's really hard to not do it. Um, but it, it's the way in which you do it that can be detrimental to your confidence. So, um, For example, psychologist Leon Festinger, who coined the term social comparison theory, he said that a healthy and automatic reason we compare ourselves to others is to accurately assess our abilities and opinions. Um, so for example, if you are a programmer and you wanna know how good of a programmer am I, you can assess what your peers are capable of doing. Um, And then you can kind of see, okay, am I at that level yet? But you don't have to, but not assess, oh, they got this great job. I'm a suck. I must be horrible. Uh, but just see it as, you know, that's what I have to learn if they're ahead of you. So it's, it's a really, really, um, slippery slope as well. Every deci, every opinion, every judgment of your evaluation, it is relative. So we do always need these comparisons. Um, In order to be able to make these kind of judgements and social comparisons, there's, there's So, so, so many. There's a huge range of social cognitive processes from perceiving people, um, to, you know, attitudes, stereotyping, all of these things. They require social comparisons. So again, it is normal, but obsessively comparing yourself to other people, to the point where you're envious, you're jealous, or somehow. You are making it a judgment call about your own value, uh, that is very detrimental to your confidence. So research has shown that well com while comparing yourself to others can be beneficial for others, it can lead to feelings of dissatisfaction, guilt, remorse, destructive behavior, and low self-esteem. Um, so there's also this study, and again, I linked to it in the show notes if you wanna read about it, but there was a study on brain mechanisms of social comparison, and they found that social comparisons depend on personality and cultural influences. So some cultures will compare themselves more than others, um, and while all humans compare themselves to others, but some people are more prone to compare. To, sorry, to engage in social comparisons than others. Uh, and those who compare themselves more, they are more affected by it. So. those who have high social comparison orientation, they call it, it, it correlates with, uh, these people tend to be more self-conscious. They tend to have lower self-esteem, they tend to have higher neuroticism. Also, depressed people are more prone to compare themselves to others. And, and people who are prone to social comparison are more interested in what others feel and need. Um, They do show higher levels of empathy, but I also bet that they, this is part what I'm about to say was not in the study, but I bet they have higher levels of people pleasing, forgetting their own needs. Um, and you know, just going down that path that makes you forget yourself and lo you losing your own self value. You don't see the value in yourself. So, It, I think this happens. Well, it happens a lot for in, in a lot of reasons. Like, um, you know, women looking at other women, oh, my waist isn't small enough, blah, blah, blah. This is said and said and done. I'm not gonna go into that. Um, but then also professionally, like I know some people who, if their colleagues do well, It's so painful for them.'cause they're like, why wasn't that me? Why am I not good enough? Uh, and they just can't bear to see that.'cause they're comparing themselves rather than comparing the progress that they've done themselves. I. So what can you do instead? Limit your time on social media. I've been getting really into this lately. I downloaded this app called Opal, um, and I've put it and I blocked, I have all these different blocks, so I have blocks, like while I'm working. And this is not only for this comparison thing in mental health, but it's also just being more focused at work. But so I have, um, for the mental health, I have it blocked in the morning and I have blocked at night before I go to bed. Uh, I've blocked, uh, email and Slack and I'll work stuff over the weekend, and then while I'm working I have blocked, like, all social media. So that's been super helpful. You can actually just do that because I know that if it's on my phone, it's, I'm gonna be looking, but I work with social media, so I can't really delete it. Um, another thing is, while you are on social media, be really mindful about it. You can actually tell, like if you connect with your body, like scroll. It's hard because actually scrolling is dissociating from your body. So you dissociate, you're not feeling what you're feeling, but if you can kind of bring yourself back in, that's why you're like scrolling and then an hour's gone by and you're like, oh shit, an hour went by. I didn't even notice. It's'cause you totally dissociated. But if you're able to scroll somewhat mindfully and you can get, you know, get into your feelings, then you can see like which posts make you start to get obsessive thoughts. Um, Like sometimes like if you're looking at, at celebrities or something, and then you start to look up, oh, how tall and high? How tall is she? How much does she weigh? Uh, and then start to compare that to you, like, oh, should I be less, et cetera. When you start to have those kind of obsessed thoughts or you start to get insecure, just unfollow, unfollow. Um, also start thinking about Like celebrities, for example, if you're comparing yourself like, oh, I want Kurt Cobain's musical gifts. Why am I not as good as him? But you can't get his music musical gifts without his, you know, drug addiction, his depression, and ultimately suicide. Um, if you wanna get better at, uh, you know, you could think Any kind of celebrity, they all have their issues. They all have their, their things that you might not want, but a person is a whole person. They're holistic. There's so many different aspects to them, so appreciate that. If you want that part of them, you have to have those other parts of them that is, you know, issues, DUIs, insecurities, whatever. Um, everybody has those things. Another thing you can do is just if you're gonna need to compare, compare yourself to your past self and see all the achievements that you've done. Okay, number eight, holding onto other people's opinions of you. Honestly, this is very hard. Uh, You know, very much easier said than done to not worry about other people's opinions of you, but oh man, do they really not matter? They really doesn't matter what, especially a bunch of strangers might think of you if they like you, if they don't like you, or if they think you're this or they think you're that. Um, I like to give the example of avocados. I think avocados are the best thing ever. They're delicious. They go in guacamole. They're creamy. A good avocado with some salt on it. Oh man. There's so few things that are better than that, but there are some people who hate avocados. Um, I saw, what was it? I think I saw. It was in somewhere. I saw some guy talking about how avocados are so overrated. And he was like, they don't have any flavor. Uh, most of them are nasty. They're a waste of space. And you know, that just helps me see, well, people's opinions are super different. I. Um, the value of something is really, really differs depending on who it is that you're looking at. Uh, there's gonna be, in some countries, the most beautiful woman in the entire world, in one country, she can go to a different country and she does not meet the beauty standards there, and she will be, you know, perceived of lower value in that sense. So it's all just very arbitrary and it's all just Depending on who it is that's giving that opinion, and it doesn't actually mean anything for your own value. So if you can just see that other people's opinions, don't change what your internal value is and just either go to the places where the opinions are good, um, but don't try to force it and be confident in yourself. Easier said than done again, but I'm trying to give you some of the steps here. That's gonna take go a long way for you. Number nine, not taking a steamable action. So Esteemable action is a term that I did not coin. I heard it a long time ago, but I can't remember where. And that's an action, like small little actions throughout the day that build your confidence in something. So confidence only comes through action. It is impossible to build confidence without action. So if you wanna get more confident in dating, you're not gonna be able to do it sitting there in your mind, thinking over it over and over again. You have to go and like, make mistakes and get out there and learn, and then you get more and more confident in it. That's how Tiger Woods is confident in golf because he's been practicing like thousands and thousands of hours. Um, so you can take a steam. So any kind of little T-mobile actions will help you build that confidence. Making your bed in the morning, uh, going to the gym, even if for a short time, like all these things where you were like, yeah, I did that. Uh, and just. If you really want to build confidence, if you're sitting there on the couch just being a blob and you haven't gone outside all day, and this is your cue, like go, like even go take a walk. Like just do something. Take an action that is good for you and those things add up. Yo, they have a compound effect. And just remember to take action. Take action, make it a daily thing. Uh, it doesn't really matter what it is, as long as it's something that is Small one makes you feel good and you can add them so you don't have to do these big, huge things as steamable actions add your action. Like also, it could be big things like having that conversation. I. Speaking up for yourself. If you're a people pleaser, it could be a small thing as, uh, saying, no, I don't wanna go out tonight. Or, yes, actually I did want to have that soda. Thank you very much. Or, I don't know, whatever it is. Like those like small things where like, Ooh, that's a little bit outta my comfort zone. Or, oh, I'm a little bit lazy to do that, but you do it anyway. And that actually builds confidence fast. Um, number 10, and this is the last one. Uh, I need to have, so this thought process, this thought that you may have where I need to have everything figured out. Versus I can figure it out as I go. This is the anxiety of I'm not gonna be good at this until I have everything figured out, versus I can build confidence, I can figure it out as I go. And this is really what sets apart a confident person versus not confident person is. They know that they don't have it figured out. That's the whole thing. I know that like we, I know that Most things are just figuring it out as you go. And that's the magic. That's a secret sauce. That's a secret knowledge where you're like, oh, that's okay. That's okay. I don't know how to get there. But I like, I'm gonna try and I'm gonna learn and I'm gonna get feedback and I might make mistakes a little bit, but then I'll get even better after that. Versus the person who is afraid to do anything at all because they haven't figured out every tiny little detail. And so they still haven't taken a single action yet. And of course they're not confident because they haven't done it at all. So again, this is your cue. Go out there. Just do the thing. Just take the action because that is the only way to build confidence. Literally, there's no other way you have to go and take action. Um, so that's my episode for you today. Uh, I hope you enjoyed it. If you made it all the way to the end. Thank you so much. Please, please subscribe. Please, uh, review it. It would mean a lot to me and message me. Follow me on, on Instagram, it's purpo Purposeful living.co. I would love to hear from you if this has been helpful for you at all to me a message and I will see you on the next one.