We're all about "treating yo'self", but what does it really look like to practice self-love? In this episode, Maeva lists 10 habits that are true embodiments of self-love.
Follow Maeva on Instagram for more content: https://instagram.com/purposefulliving.co
Want some 1:1 coaching with Maeva? Fill out this form: https://forms.gle/RfBKV8MpCiZu7vBy8
We're all about "treating yo'self", but what does it really look like to practice self-love? In this episode, Maeva lists 10 habits that are true embodiments of self-love.
Follow Maeva on Instagram for more content: https://instagram.com/purposefulliving.co
Want some 1:1 coaching with Maeva? Fill out this form: https://forms.gle/RfBKV8MpCiZu7vBy8
Welcome to purposeful living the podcast that empowers you to live your life with intention and purpose. I'm your host, Maiva Cifuentes, a business owner, investor, marketer, psychology graduate, certified confidence coach, cat mom, and improviser. I'm here to break down the woo woo. Into practical strategies that make actual sense for those that love the idea of leading with their heart spirit and universal guidance, but struggle to make any logical sense of it. I'm here to talk it through in practical terms and help you put it into action. In this podcast, I talk about communication and confidence. How to communicate effectively with your body, your mind, lovers, partners, co workers, clients, and friends. Through science, anecdotes, personal experiences, and practical exercises, we'll explore how your lifestyle and habits contribute to living your best life. Hello. Hello guys. I am recording an extra episode today. I'm going to actually start trying to record two episodes a week for a while to get a bit of a backlog because I'm just kind of recording them on the spot and then publishing right away. But I'm recording this episode today. We are talking about I'm going to talk a woman who really loves herself will do. Or a person, actually. This kind of applies to everybody, but I think I'm slowly shifting the focus of this towards women. Cause I like to talk a lot about womanhood and femininity and those kinds of things. But anyway, we're talking about nine habits. When we know that a woman who really loves herself will do these habits. But anyway, I am recording an extra episode in advance because my boyfriend has, uh, organized a trip to the Amalfi coast for my birthday. So I am leaving the weekend that this episode is going to be published and I'm not even going to bring my computer. Um, so I'm just doing this in advance, so I'm really happy and excited for that. It's something that somewhere I've been wanting to go for a long time. I've been learning Italian for like three years now, and I'm just really excited to be able to go to this beautiful place and I just can't believe my boyfriend organized it for me. I mean, I guess I can, cause he's amazing. Um, and he's very sweet and he's the kind of guy who would do that. And I always wanted a boyfriend who would do these kinds of things for me. It's just. It's so romantic, but, uh, anyway, so I'm recording some episode in advance, but I do also right now I'm kind of going week by week on this and I don't really have a content calendar set up, which is not ideal. Oh, I have to drink some water. It's not ideal because I do need to plan a little bit in advance. So maybe next weekend. Or when I'm back from the Amalfi Coast, actually weekend after next, I will probably, uh, create a bit of a content calendar and then start doing two episodes per weekend until I have a pretty good backlog so that I don't have to get stressed out if there is anything that comes up, which is likely to happen because things just come up in life like that sometimes. Um, let's just dive into the episode, um, nine habits that a woman who really loves herself does. So I really want to, I really wanted to just talk about this because I know self love is like, you know, we have this, um, Tom Havishers and his name, Tom Havishers from, uh, Parks and Rec there and then Donna and they're always like treat yourself and everybody's like, oh, yeah self love self love is Having a hot bath going to get a massage I don't even know what else people say but it's it's kind of this superficial self love Uh, thing that I don't know if it really is self love. Taking a hot bath and curling up with a book. Yeah, that can be a practice that is self love in a way. Um, and obviously saying good things about yourself is self love. And that's one of the things on my list, to be honest, is not saying nasty things about yourself. Cause that's really important, but, um, there's just a lot more to it that I think that we don't really talk about enough as a society and as people who are trying to practice self love. So if you really think about love, I mean, think about the person that you love the most unconditionally. So there's different aspects to this person, to how you love a person unconditionally. You want the best for them. You're happy when they're happy. You're sad when they're sad. Um, you always kind of like when you love somebody unconditionally, you can see that there's a beyond the now as well. So like if you're a parent and you see your kid. Fucking up in school, you still know that they're gonna get better, you know, that they're gonna go to university or get a job or do whatever and they're gonna make you proud in life and, or you just love them like they don't even need to make you proud, you just want them to be happy. And actually, it doesn't matter if they fucked up or not. It doesn't change the way that you feel about them as a parent because the love is unconditional, right? So even if your child like went and tried drugs, you're going to freak out and you might punish them. But that's because you are trying to, in whatever way you can, Get them to take better care of themselves and teach them to be self sufficient because you love them. And what you ultimately want is for them to design a life for themselves that they love and that they are happy. And that's the main thing that you want for somebody that you really love is that they are healthy and that they are happy and, um, that they take care of themselves, that they're able to do that. That's true love right there. Um, So when we think about it that way, there's a lot of aspects that we don't really, um, talk about enough when we talk about self love. Uh, so these are some nine things that I have noted down that I just want to talk about. These are habits that I see that, um, show love for yourself. So another thing I want to mention is when we're trying to talk about self love and people are like, oh, well, I sat on the couch all day. Uh, and I ate a bunch of chips because I love chips and I was listening to myself and they're like, what's the balance between being a lazy turd? Cause that's what I want, uh, versus going out and being disciplined, but because that's, what's good for me. And then it's again, it's about finding this balance between just really understanding what it is that your body needs, not working yourself to death, listening to yourself and not doing things that are going to make you feel like shit. So sitting binge watching Netflix all day. I mean, if you're honest with yourself, that doesn't make you feel good. How does that make you feel good? And you're like, yeah, I love cookies. So I ate cookies all day. Um, that's not something if you actually listen to yourself and you're like, is this going to make me feel good about myself? And is it going to make me feel happy? Once I'm done doing it, it's not so, but one cookie might make you feel happy. So anyway, I know that that's like a whole other topic, not actually self love, but there are these questions about, um, how do I know what's the balance is? So I'm going to try to address some of that in this episode. Uh, but really it's, how do I show. Love to myself, which you should because you're the most important to love person to love yourself You're never gonna be loved the way that you really want to be loved if you can't show that to yourself first Why because you are setting the example for other people on about how to love you You are setting the example. Nobody will love you more than you are able to love yourself. So set that example and learn to love yourself that way first. Uh, also if you learn to love yourself this way, if you're a person who's like very self sacrificing and you say, well, I really, and, and a lot of, a lot of women are, a lot of people are, they just. They always want to put the feelings of others before themselves. They always want to make sure like, that's how they feel. Like they're good people. I feel like a woman is going to feel like I am only a good person if I'm doing things for other people, if I'm sacrificing myself, but actually that builds resent. It builds resent towards everybody else. It builds resent towards your partner and ultimately it builds resent to yourself. You become resentful towards your own self and you kind of lose yourself and all of that. And if you practice real self love, Um, and as we say, you fill your cup, you're actually, um, much more pleasant to be around. You're happy. People love being around happy people and if they're not, it's mostly because they themselves are miserable. Um, if you want to be around happy people, then you being happy is the benefit to everybody. Uh, they feel more comfortable around you. If you love yourself, it's, it's always more comfortable to be around somebody who's, um, You know, honestly and authentically self confident without, you know, obviously not somebody who is like arrogant or narcissistic, but those people are actually very insecure and they don't actually love themselves. It's it's pathological. So somebody who is. Truly authentically self confident and very comfortable with themselves and they'll say no when they mean no and they say yes when they mean Yes it's always really a lot more comfortable for the people around them because They feel like they can let go a little bit and they can trust being around you if I say if I could say Hey, do you want to watch this movie and you can kindly? Tell me no, I don't feel like doing that. Thank you And then when I ask you to do something else, you're like, yeah, I would love to do that. I know that you're being honest. I know that you're always going to be kind and I know that you're doing what's best for you. So I can relax and think about what's best for me because you are taking care of yourself and we can share happiness together. Um, and it's really beneficial. So if you're trying to self sacrifice for the benefit of others, it's actually. more beneficial for everybody around you to practice self love habits. So, um, just think about it that way if, if that's you. Uh, all right, so let's dive into the list of the nine things that, uh, a woman who really loves herself will do. Number one, she respects herself. One thing we don't talk about enough in self love is self respect. So what does self respect mean? Um, first of all, the main thing it means is that your behaviors are consistent with your beliefs and your values. It means that you are staying in integrity with yourself. So you make promises to yourself, you keep them. That's how you build self respect. Uh, you know, that you are, you know, that you're going to be really grumpy. Tomorrow morning because you have to wake up early because you want to do this and that. Uh, and, uh, you get really stressed out if you wake up and have to go straight to work. Well, then you go to bed at a decent hour because you respect yourself enough to do that. Uh, you eat healthy because you respect your body. You exercise because you respect your body. Respecting yourself is, I mean, if you just imagine it, imagine the thing that you respect the most, your car, somebody who respects their car, man, they take that for an oil change every three months, they wash it, they keep it clean, they keep it beautiful, they love that thing, man, and they respect it and they keep it looking good. Um, and so if you're trying to imagine the person that you respect the most. Imagine how you would treat them. Would you say nasty comments to them? No. Would you invite them to some, I don't know, shitty situation? Would you even introduce them to this shitty fuck boy? Sorry for my language, but some guy who is Constantly late and not consistent. You wouldn't even imagine introducing them, right? Because you're like no that person has too much respect for themselves respect yourself. And so imagine what the idea of Respect is how would you treat the person or the thing that you respect the most in life? And if you don't respect anything, that's one thing but maybe try to imagine In theory what it feels like to really really respect something and then your behavior should be consistent with that Okay, so you don't You respect your body when it's tired you set boundaries I think this is the number one most important thing about self love is self respect You don't let people treat you badly. You you don't let people Um, walk all over you. You don't let people take advantage of you. And the sad, the thing to notice is that it doesn't matter how good the people around you are, everybody, everybody expects that the other person is going to say something if something is bothering them. Every single person thinks that they say, well, if, if she didn't like it, she wouldn't do it. Well, if she didn't like it, she would say something literally. You probably think that about everybody around them around you. So everybody's thinking that. So it's just kind of human nature that everybody's going to test the boundaries a little bit. And then if you keep saying, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll do it. Yeah, of course. Yeah. Yeah, totally. I'll, um, take you home, even though I had to actually go get my dog outside, or I, yeah, sure, I'll, uh, I'm in the middle of a dinner with my boyfriend, but, sure, I'll go and help you with this thing right now, um, or, hey, I'm in the middle of, uh, I don't know what other examples, but there's a lot of examples that people will test those boundaries. And let me tell you, it does not make them bad people. It's an opportunity for you to practice self respect and the more you practice it, the more respect you will have for yourself. Uh, and this is a whole other episode that I think I'm going to record about boundaries and its connection with self respect. And actually that it's not about being angry or resentful towards people who, who crossed those boundaries, but it should be excited. For having the opportunity to practice boundary setting, which is a language that you need to practice, uh, just like any other language, if you want to learn French, you can't just learn about the theory of French and think about French. You have to go meet French people to go speak French with. So how are you going to learn to respect yourself and set boundaries if you don't have those opportunities? When people cross them where you have to actually set and respect those boundaries That's a opportunity to practice and show yourself that you respect yourself. So I'm respecting yourself Also means not being overly critical or overly judgmental of yourself. Okay, so you're human remember that You're never ever ever ever gonna be perfect So respect that and respect that sometimes you're gonna be tired respect that Um, you know, the kind of person that you are and don't be judgmental for things that you want or things that you desire, uh, respect it. Okay. Number two thing that a woman who loves herself, a habit that she has is she does not say bad things about herself. Okay. So, um, You don't say things like, I am a human trash can. That is a not nice thing to say about yourself. You don't say things like, I am a foster girlfriend. Uh, guys only stay with me until they, before they meet the one that they want, or whatever it is that women say about themselves. You don't say those, those kinds of things about yourself. If you really love yourself, you wouldn't say that about somebody that you love. That would be a really mean thing to say. Um. If you step out and you're like, Oh shit, I locked my keys inside. You're like, Oh, I'm such an idiot. How could I forget that again? No, instead of calling yourself stupid, you can just say, Oop, I've, I forgot that, um, I must have been distracted. Next time I'll build a system. I have a system now where even if I know for a hundred percent, a hundred and a thousand ten percent that I have my keys in my bag, I will not close the door unless I have them in my hand because I locked myself out so many times when I was younger. I started this system back when I was like a teenager. Um, But it didn't like I didn't have to not love myself any less for that. You can actually just pick up new habits, you know, so you don't say bad things about yourself And you don't so I'm saying actually saying it out loud like some people actually say this out loud to other people But others will think about it as, um, think about these things as well. So, um, we have these core wounds and I have, if you, um, look back to episode, sorry, let me find out what episode it was. I have it right here in front of me. Um. Where was it? What episode was it? Oh, it was episode number six are the most typical core wounds in the stories we tell ourselves. Um, so the, at that episode, I talk about the stories that we tell ourselves, like, I'm not good enough. Everybody's always going to leave me. Um. I'm not deserving. So these are like bad things you could say about yourself, but they're also core wounds. It's really not as simple as just like, well, I'm not going to say those things about myself anymore. Cause they're really deep, deep beliefs that you do have to overcome in different ways. Um, I, that's something I like to help people work through as well. Is these kind of core stories to be able to build this confidence because it's really hard to stop saying these things if we haven't worked through it. It's not just as simple as I'm going to stop saying them. Um, it does take some work to, to, to overcome those stories. But don't at least don't say them about yourself out loud and try to replace it with positive affirmations. So this may sound blue, but I am obsessed with positive affirmations. I love them and it's just things that you say over and over that are good about yourself. So, um. They're like mantras. And actually I realized like if I used to get really anxious and I would try to think about something good to say about myself and I always say different things, like, um, one affirmation that I have open right here. I actually have an Apple, uh, like I create, oh, this is my money, my money affirmations that I'm working on right now, but I create endless streams of income whenever I need more money. So instead of thinking like. Um, Oh shit. Money. Like, Oh, it's tight. I'm stressed instead of thinking, or I'm not good with money. I don't know how to make money. Like instead of saying those kinds of things, I replace those thoughts. Cause you can't think multiple thoughts at the same time. So you could actually just repeat it over and over as a mantra. Um, and it feels really weird at first. So it feels really uncomfortable because you're not used to saying those kinds of things and it feels silly. Um, and you can make declarations instead of affirmations if you don't feel like you believe it, you know, sometimes I've done it where I didn't quite believe it at first, but if I repeat it over and over and over again, and now I believe most of the affirmation now, every time I say an affirmation, I'm like, yeah, that's true, but it took me a while, a long time of repeating them to get there. So, but it does help you because it's, I had gone so long in my life with more negative. They're negative affirmations, basically, bad things you say about yourself. So you wanna just start getting used to saying good things about yourself. Um, thing number three. Oh my God, this is not nine things. This is more than nine things. I'm, uh, did the list wrong. So this is three, so that means this is number 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. So it's 10 things. Okay? So number three is she does special things for herself. Okay? So she doesn't, she. Like, you know how you get ready for a first date and you're like shaving everything and you do your hair nice and you do your makeup nice and you're like, Oh, I feel really pretty and I feel really good. Well, the woman who loves herself does special things for herself like that all the time, every day. She wears her nice, or maybe not every day, some days you're going to be lazy, of course, but, uh, she does something that makes her feel good every day. So she has a nice skincare routine. She doesn't save her fancy lotions for some special day. She decorates things beautifully around the house. She gets herself flowers. She, uh, if that's what she wants, if that's what she wish her boyfriend would do, she gets herself flowers. She, um, wears her best clothes that she feels really good in. She does her hair nice. She does things that makes her feel good and makes, like, the special things she would do for others or that she wants other people to do for her, she does those things for herself. And that makes you feel really good. It's a habit to get into because a lot of us just kind of let ourselves like get, I don't know, kind of just lose it. Especially if when you're in a longterm relationship, you stop taking care of yourself like that until things start going bad or suddenly you break up and suddenly you start again. Why? Continue doing it. Like do it for yourself. It makes you feel really good and it makes you feel like you love yourself and it's not about like I have to wear makeup to love myself. It's not about that at all. Um, but it is about just doing things that whatever it is that make you feel good. For me, I do like to wear nice makeup. I do like to wear nice lingerie, for example. So I do those things, but it might be something else for you. But do those special things that you might save for somebody else, like a beautiful meal cooked with love. You might do that for somebody else, but you'd never do it about for yourself. Start doing those things for yourself. Treat yourself like. The person that you love the most thing. Number four, that a habit that a woman who really loves herself has is she doesn't say things just to get reactions or validation from us. And this is a really tricky one. Um, I'm also just kind of coming to this realization lately is the things we say, are we really, it's, it's, you really have to be in tune of why things are coming out of your mouth. Um, so like, are you. A lot of times we're saying things to get a reaction from people or some kind of validation. So it's either going to be one upping people or like showing off your achievements or like, or it's going to go the other way and try to like victimize yourself. So complaining about something because you want people to show you attention and be like, Oh no, poor girl, um, I feel so bad or something like that. Or you're. showing something off in order to somehow get validated by other people. It takes a while to understand when you're doing this, why you're doing this. You really a have to meditate a lot about it, become super self aware and maybe even speak more slowly, just physically speaking more slowly so that you're waiting to understand what's what is coming out of your mouth. And is it because you are trying to get somebody to react towards you in a certain way? It's going to be to get some kind of attention, whether it's, wow, you're actually so awesome or, oh, wow, I feel so bad for you because you still get that kind of attention when people feel bad for you. And like, you feel like a victim, but a woman who loves herself, doesn't try to get that kind of reaction from people in either direction because she can fulfill herself that way. Um, you don't need people telling you. Anything about yourself because you have this, you love yourself exactly how you are the ex. Again, if you think about the example of the person that you love the most, it's nice to hear people say nice things about them, but you don't. You don't need to hear anybody else validating them for you to still feel like you love them. You don't need to hear those things to know because you see them for the wonderful person that they are and just. You want them in your life. Like if you think about your grandma or grandpa or something, you know, like somebody you share it like, Oh, that's, that's them. Or your, your kid, your pet, uh, you don't need other people telling you nice things about them or anything or reacting to them in any way. For you to love them. So that's a self love is the same way. Habit number five for somebody who really loves themselves is she rests, she feeds herself enough, good food, nutritious food, enough of it. Um, so she doesn't, she's not like overly restrictive, but also not overly loose. Uh, well actually, you know, if you respect yourself, you stop when you're full and you eat foods that's nutritious. So it's not even about restriction or. go. It's you are listening to your body and that's that. Um, and you take time. She takes time for herself without guilt. So she rests. Uh, she has to say no to things sometimes and she doesn't feel good. Like she doesn't feel like she always has to be productive because she knows that she has value in herself and she is able to feel better and provide more value. When she gets that, gets that rest. And that might mean rest from people that you love, rest from people that you care, time for yourself, time out shopping or time with girlfriends, but somehow you're resting. And you don't always have to be there showing up for people. Um, and so this is a really important number five is that you can do that without guilt, but that also slides into number six, which I kind of touched upon actually is feeding yourself enough nutritious food. Um, but she does what's good for her. So this is where there was also the kind of question that I've heard from people of, well, if I, you know, is self love sitting on the couch all day because I'm resting? Well, no, because if you really, really love somebody, imagine again, you're looking at your kid or your grandpa or someone, I guess it's different for a grandpa because they're, well, maybe not, but somebody you really, really love and you're looking at them and they're just sitting on the couch all day watching Netflix nonstop. Isn't that going to kind of hurt to see you're like, are you going to do anything with your life? I thought you had that goal and you want to see them achieving that goal, right? So you're like, I want to see you achieving that goal, like get up and do some stuff. And then you're happy when you see them getting focused and working on their thing and thriving and they're taking care of themselves. But then if you also see them getting obsessed with it and they never take a break and they never see their friends and they don't get relationships and they're. Neglecting all of the other stuff that you're like, Oh my God, like you're going too far. It's too much. It's not good for you. So you can actually feel it because you would see it. In another person, you would be able to notice those things. You'd be like, you're being, that's not good for you sitting on the couch all day. I love you. And I want you to do something good for yourself and be self sufficient. And then again, if they go too far extreme, like way too restrictive in the dry, cause I have to be healthy. I have to eat this thing and world's going to end if this and that. Well, that's not, you feel bad seeing somebody that you love going through that as well. Right? So, you know what it is. If you think about it, you just have to see, how can I apply that to myself? That's really self love. You're, you're happy when that person that you love is putting in the effort while finding balance and finding happiness for themselves in all the areas of their life. Life is made of work, health, spirituality, leisure, relationships. And probably something else, but you want to be balanced in all of these, all of these areas. Oh, and probably like mental, emotional, like personal growth, all of these areas need to be balanced to be fulfilled. And somebody that you love, you want to see them balanced in all of them. So you do what is good for you. Um, Number seven, a habit that a woman has, and this is very similar to she does special things for herself, but she takes good care of herself. So again, she makes herself look good and as good as she can make herself feel. So she, again, you're eating right, you are, um, putting on makeup, you're making yourself look good. She takes care of herself. And especially if you're trying to attract somebody who takes good care, like Um, not only of your hair, but hygienically your nutrition, you eat well, you exercise, like all these kinds of things. You are, you want to do that too. Um, not just for the people that you're trying to attract, but for your own self, you take care of yourself. You stay hygienic. I'm saying this as I have this broken nail. I'm going to go get it fixed though. But, um, you're taking care, you have hair health. I mean, honestly, to the point, like I was discovering all this type of fitness. So now I'm doing like, I go to the gym, I'm doing face fitness, doing Kegels, you know, like all this kind of fitness, uh, also respecting my time trying to do it just. Stay consistent to them to the most that I can but I'm doing all this hair health skin health You take care of yourself when you really when you really do love yourself to them to the most that you can without getting obsessed And that's kind of this balance is how can I balance out all the things in my life? So I'm not taking away too much from other things like leisure time or rest number eight thing that a Number eight habit the eighth habit that a woman who loves herself does is she does things that she likes So she has hobbies, she pursues things she finds interesting, and she has fun doing, and she protects her time to be able to pursue those things. So this is really important, self love, is you're doing a lot of things that you find fun. This is going to help you meet people that enjoy the same things as you, and as well, when you are dating and um, This random dude is like, hey, can you do this? You're not gonna drop your plans. You're gonna stick to your plans because you love what you do and you have a fun and interesting life and you're not gonna be needy trying to get things from other people because you are already finding your own life fulfilling. So somebody asked you on a date, you got a plan ahead because you're, you're a busy woman and you have a lot of fun things. So you have a, um, A thriving life of hobbies and you protect your time doesn't have to be a thrive I mean it could be you know, obviously some people have children you have a husband you have sport like you work so many things to Do sorry husband or wife like you have a spouse and many things to do So time is of the essence, but you still find time to do things that you find enjoyable Number nine habit that a woman who loves herself does is you don't, she doesn't beat herself up for setbacks or failures. So again, you may fall out of practice and you say, that's fine. Just start again. Again, picture it as if it's your kid or somebody that you love and they are trying something and then it didn't work out. Are you going to tell them, you know what, that didn't work out that one time you suck. Like you better not try again cause you're a failure. No, if you really love them, you say, well, that's fine, honey. It's fine. You can try again. Do you want to do that? Like you can go down this path if it makes you, if it's something that you want, try it. It's going to be okay. If what you want is health and one day you have. Uh, gone out for dinner and eaten really badly. You're not going to punish yourself the next day, you're not going to starve yourself the next day, you're not going to restrict yourself, you're just going to go back to being healthy again and it's okay. And you just keep trying because you're doing things for yourself and you love yourself. So you don't beat yourself up for setbacks because you wouldn't beat somebody up that you love for their setbacks. Number ten and the last thing on my list, she sets boundaries. She doesn't do what she doesn't want to do. And she explains to people kindly and firmly, um, when something is okay. And when something is not okay. And I, I created this analogy. I posted it on Instagram the other day where it's, imagine that you work at a restaurant. So people are like who struggle with boundaries. It's very, um. It's really scary to set boundaries and when you start learning, you're like, Oh, I have to be really firm. And they're like, yeah, I told him so. And no, it doesn't have to be that way. You can actually be really kind and nurturing in a relationship to set boundaries and people respect you more for it. Because if you don't stand for anything, Um, you become disposable to people. You, you need to set those boundaries so that they can respect it and respect what you stand for. So, um, here's my analogy to make it easier because it is very nerve wracking to learn to start setting boundaries. And it's something that you have to practice. It's actually a practice. It's not something that you just learn in theory, but so what you can imagine is that you work in a restaurant. So when you're an employee at a restaurant, there are certain rules at the restaurant. It's only open certain hours and you can only serve what's on the menu, right? Let's say you're, you're a waiter. You can only serve what's on the menu. You don't order the inventory. You don't decide what's on the menu. You're not the chef. Uh, you, you can't really say anything about how it's cooked. So if a customer is going to come in, And you only serve burgers and fries, and they come in and say, Hey, can I have some, um, fish? They'd be trying to overstep the boundaries, right? Because you are not serving fish, you serve burgers. And at that point in time, you're not going to get upset with that person and be like, Ugh, horrible person. Uh, you know, they tried to overstep my boundary, how dare they? I can't believe they would even ask that of me. You're not going to react that way because they just don't know. They don't know any better. And you're also not going to say, Oh, well, we don't really serve fish, but yeah, I guess so. I guess. Yeah, that's fine. That's fine. And then go out and run fish because you're working for, like, you have your job and you're going to stay there. And why are you going to buy? You're not going to be able to cook it. It would just be dumb. So you're not going to go out and buy the fish. You're not going to go and get upset for the customer for asking you that you're simply going to say, I'm sorry, we don't serve fish here. Uh, we have burgers though. Would you like a burger? It's very kind. The customer is going to say, Oh, sorry, I didn't, I didn't see that. Um, and they're either going to say, Oh no, actually I want fish, so I'll go somewhere else. Or they say, yeah, actually a burger sounds great. Those are the options. If they act out and are rude, well, that's totally a them problem. It's not a you problem. So again, if they also come in at 9am, um, you're not going to let them in because it's not open yet and you have rules at the restaurant and you have stuff to do, you have the kitchen to clean. Uh, so you can say, Hey, come back at 10 because we're not open yet. What's not available is not available. So this is a way to think about your own boundaries is maybe if you feel uncomfortable saying that you're the one who sets the rule, because a, go back to practicing number one, self respect, you should respect your own rules enough. But if you're not quite there yet, pretend somebody else set the rules that you can't change and what's not available is not available and you can practice it in the same kind of way. It doesn't have to be. Um, like a really nasty bitchy way of setting your boundaries. You can easily just be like, Oh no, I'm sorry. I'm actually busy tonight. Um, maybe another night or no, I'm actually, I don't want to do that, but thank you. Um, that's totally fine. People are going to respect it. People respect those boundaries more. So woman who loves herself needs to set those boundaries because if you don't set those boundaries, you're not able to practice a lot of the activities that you want to do. The rest that you need, the food that you want to eat, just the way that you want to live your life. You can't do that if you don't, um, set these boundaries, uh, especially with the people that are closest to you around you. So those are the 10 habits that a self loving woman. I hope you enjoyed this episode. Please do subscribe, leave a review and, um, DM me, find me on Instagram, purposefulliving. co connect with me. Let me know that you listened to please. I would really love to, uh, chat with you and see, see if there's any way that I can help you with some coaching and, um, thanks and see you next time. Outro Music