In this episode, Maeva dives into the unspoken desires of men in relationships. While they may not always express these needs directly, understanding them can lead to healthier and more fulfilling partnerships for people in relationships with men.
She covers:
❤️️ How to get what you want without nagging or criticizing
❤️️ What "mothering" your partner is and why you shouldn't do it
❤️️ The one thing a man will NEVER tell you he wants (because he loves you!) but does want
❤️️ Why being self-centered is great for your relationship
Follow Maeva on Instagram for more content: https://instagram.com/purposefulliving.co
Want some 1:1 coaching with Maeva? Fill out this form: https://forms.gle/RfBKV8MpCiZu7vBy8
In this episode, Maeva dives into the unspoken desires of men in relationships. While they may not always express these needs directly, understanding them can lead to healthier and more fulfilling partnerships for people in relationships with men.
She covers:
❤️️ How to get what you want without nagging or criticizing
❤️️ What "mothering" your partner is and why you shouldn't do it
❤️️ The one thing a man will NEVER tell you he wants (because he loves you!) but does want
❤️️ Why being self-centered is great for your relationship
Follow Maeva on Instagram for more content: https://instagram.com/purposefulliving.co
Want some 1:1 coaching with Maeva? Fill out this form: https://forms.gle/RfBKV8MpCiZu7vBy8
Before I delved into the world of understanding men and improving my dating and relationship life, the idea of working on myself to attract a better man or to enhance my relationship with my partner used to make me cringe. I mean, why should I have to change myself or put in the effort he should just like me the way that I am? Right? And while it's absolutely true that people should appreciate you for who you are, it's also essential to recognize that our sense of self evolves as we learn and take responsibility for every action of our li aspect of our lives, including our relationships. So if your ultimate goal is to say, if he doesn't like it, he can just find the door. He knows where the door is. And by all means, go ahead. You can call up a friend, vent, complain, and ask each other why it's so hard to find a good man out there. But I'm here to challenge you. You're listening to me because you want someone who tells it like it is, right? You want to learn, you want to improve. Well, I'm that person. The truth is that every relationship has two sides, and you are half of it holding just as much responsibility as your partner to put in the work. I mean, you have standards for how you'd like men to treat you, right? You have things you would like your partner to do for you, right? So why can't we also accept that men have their standards and desires for how they want to be treated? When we understand and are able to meet those needs, we become better partners, fostering more fulfilling relationships, and moving closer to the life of our dreams. Because a fulfilling relationship is a part of many people's dream lives. So if you're ready to keep an open mind, discover how you can better provide, um, your partner with what they desire, then stick around and listen to this episode because I am talking about six things. Um, your man wants from you, but he won't. I. Say so, um, I've been wanting to record this episode for a while. Um, these are things I've been learning a lot about the last two years is understanding men a little bit more. And it's funny, I never, I was never really interested in understanding men. Uh, as a woman. I was one of the women who would say, men are, you know, men are dumb, all men are the same. Um, Why can't they just try to understand me? Why don't they do this? Why don't they do that? But I never really put in the effort myself, uh, to try to understand a man. Additionally, I was quite, uh, anxiously attached, so I would just do a lot of taking, taking, taking from the man, and we'll dive into that and how it's all related. Um, but I really hope that this list is helpful to you. And it's helpful for anybody who is in a relationship with a man. And honestly, a lot of the things on the list, these work, even if you're not in a romantic relationship, it's just from men in general. Um, but these are mainly if you are dating somebody or in an intimate relationship with a man. So the number one thing a man wants is respect. Okay. Respect. So women want, uh, to be cherished and adored, and men want to be respected and useful and admired. So don't treat him like he's your child. Don't treat him like he's your mother. So there's a few things here that I want to cover in the respect section. So, A lot of women are mothering their partners, and this is actually coming from a very masculine energy. It's not a feminine place to be in because it's the controlling part. It's the leading part. It's the, uh, Hey, did you remember to take your vitamins? Hey, did you remember that doctor's appointment? Why are you eating that? Why are you wearing that? Uh, hey, let me help you with this. Can I help you? Can I give you money? Um, and this is just a very intense and mothering That you don't wanna be in, in a relationship. So first of all, if you are in a, um, relationship with a very masculine man, he is really not gonna like that. And he's probably going to leave or become super resentful actually, even if, regardless of what the energy of it that he has, if he's feminine or if he's masculine. If he's being parented, if anybody is being parented by their partner, they don't like that. They become resentful. So even if he's a feminine man and you are happy with a feminine and you're a masculine woman, that's all fine. There's polarity, uh, but people don't want to be parented. They don't wanna be told what to do. It's a very weird dynamic that we suddenly think that we can do this to our partners. You would never do it to your friend. And if you would, that would just be really annoying. We're all adults. You have understood that you're dating a grown Person who can take care of themselves and make their own decisions. So why are you telling him how to drive? Why are you telling him? Remember to put your seatbelt on. Oh, slow down. Oh, um, speed up. I guess. Maybe slow down if you feel unsafe, but. If you're trying to tell them how to live their life, who are you with? Why are you being so controlling? So this isn't only gonna help yourself to relax and, and let go because maybe you won't be so stressed trying to control everybody, but it's actually gonna be much better for your relationship to let go a little bit. So, uh, if as well, if you are mothering your partner, Um, a lot of men, what they will do these days is become that kind of, they will become lazier. So if you start to, um, do all the dishes for them, do all the, their laundry, they're gonna stop doing those things. Um, if you start planning all of the dates, planning all of the vacations, taking all the action and being like, oh, I have to do everything, or he's not gonna do it. Well, guess what? He's gonna stop doing those things. He's gonna do them less and less. Um, so he's actually going to take on this role of manchild that you have given to him. Um, so you, you, and it's also just a form of not respecting him. So it takes the agency away from our spouses and turns them into children. And it reinforces this idea that you don't trust. Them to make healthy choices. Um, a lot of times this comes from our own anxiety, from anxious attachment, needing to control things, um, then actually trying to help our, our partner and be in a healthy relationship with them. But this is something that you really need to let go of. Another form of disrespect that we can show our partners sometime is in front of other people. And this is really, really important. When you are out with other people, you are the partner. You should never shame your man. Or even if he's like telling a story and he's exaggerating in the story, you know, that happens all the time. Um, so, oh yeah, there was this big thing that happened and you're like, that didn't happen. That didn't happen that way. Why are you saying that? And then like, everybody laughs and you're laughing with them at him. No, this is really, really bad. So you wanna show up as a unit. You want to, because that's really, it's actually humiliating, even if you're just teasing, if you're like, oh yeah, we have a teasing relationship with him. No, you really need to show up as the person who is rooting for him, respecting him. And even if, um, he's saying, Things in, in front of people that you don't necessarily agree with. Do that privately. Take it privately. Uh, you don't wanna start airing your grievances out in front of a group, so like, oh yeah, I have to clean because someone never cleans up after himself. No, that's disrespectful. And that's just a way to add more resentment to the relationship and it's frankly, Disrespectful. So just really think about respecting him as much as possible. And this is something that all men, well, all women, you know, everybody wants to be respected, but this is really, really, really important. All those teasing little jabs that you're doing. That chips away at the relationship that's resent every single time. So just be sure to always keep respect in mind. The second thing that men want most in a relationship is a place of peace. they want peace in a relationship. So if you are nagging them, attacking them, um, accusing them and just overall a place where they can't relax because there's always menee, menee, menee, NeeNee coming at them.'cause you're taking, and taking and taking. This is not an ideal situation for a man if they want to come home to a place of peace and they want to be able to relax and have fun and laugh. So it doesn't mean. Don't speak up for yourself. Okay, so in a couple of points I have how to speak up for yourself. And this is actually something that men really do want, is for you to be able to say what you need and speak your mind and express yourself. That's super important to, um, a man in a relationship. And there are ways to do it without taking away the sense of peace in a relationship. So, What does that mean? First of all, it's stop nagging. You know, do what you gotta do. Uh, stop doing things that are annoying you so that you don't have to nag him about it and, um, try to find more joy in your own life. Stop, I. Mothering your partner as we mentioned above. So it also means you should start becoming more self-centered. How do you bring peace to a man? You fill your own cup, focus on yourself. Uh, a men, a man loves a really self-centered woman because you can go out. You have time for yourself. Uh, you are feeling happy. You know how to make yourself happy, and that's really, really important. You shouldn't put all your energy on a man. When you're putting all of your energy on a man and like melting into his life and doing everything for him, you are taking away his sense of peace because then he feels like he owes you something because you are probably doing it from the sense of. Wanting something back from him. You are hoping that it's gonna be reciprocated somehow because that's how, that's what women do. We give and we give, and we give and we melt ourselves hoping that we're gonna get some kind of commitment or love or or something back. But instead just focus on yourself. So if you have goals, go chase your goals. You want fitness goals? Go spend time at the gym. You have business goals. Go spend time doing your business. You wanna have social goals, go meet up with your friends more. Go and do those things. Spend time on yourself, fill your cup. When you're focused on yourself, that means you aren't waiting around for your man. Um, Also it means that you know how to make yourself happy so he can feel at peace that, um, he knows that he also makes you happy because a woman like that wouldn't sit around and be with a man who doesn't make them happy. They would get rid of him Um, and they can also know exactly how to provide the instructions or show him exactly how to make her happy. And it's just a lot easier. So it's a lot more peaceful rather than a woman. Who waits around for him, won't tell him anything, won't ever complain, won't say a word. Uh, it's, you know, there's this balance of like, if I never complain, but then you never say anything and he doesn't know what you want ever. So it's also not a place of peace. Also the same as somebody who's always nagging all the time. So if you're just really self-centered and focus on yourself, it's actually more peaceful for the man. Um, because He knows that you're able to make yourself happy and he can learn from you how to make you happy as well, and that it's actually going to be legitimate. Thing number three that a man wants, um, from a woman is vulnerability. So the cool girl is out. The cool girl. Yeah, I'm fine with that. I don't have any standards. Oh yeah. Cool. Oh yeah, you wanna watch the football game? That's great. With all your friends at my house, on my tv. Uh oh. Okay. Sure. I'd love that idea. No, that's out. Um, and you don't have to never act out, never have emotions that actually has never been in. I used to have, uh, this friend who I never understood there was such an appeal about her from guys. I, I, I always struggle, struggled to understand why, because to me, she was absolutely chaotic. Um, I mean, she was beautiful. She was gorgeous, but she was just very chaotic. Uh, didn't have any job prospects. Um, super emotional, like always crying, but always happy. It was like big, big, big, big emotions. And Kai would just flock to her and be obsessed with her. So obviously this problem, this, there was some other problems and we were all very young, so it's not a very responsible person. But, um, I was always wondering, you know, I'm cool. I don't act out. I. I, um, can hang with the boys. I have, um, you know, hardworking, have a good career. How come they're not into me the same way? But it's because I refuse to be vulnerable. I was so obsessed with being one of the guys and being cool that I would never show my feelings. I would never tell people when I liked them. I even went so extreme to never show my feelings. I remember once there was a guy that, uh, I really did have very strong feelings for, and we were on a trip together. Um, And he had actually flown me out. And, uh, it was ridiculous. He asked me this hypothetical question, which in retrospect I knew it was hi. He was asking about himself, but he was like, um, you know, if you met a guy traveling, um, and you were really into him, like, would you get into a relationship? And I was so kind of insecure and wanting to be cool that I basically made up this entire story of like, How, who it would have to be, um, describing everything that wasn't him just to like really make it clear that I didn't have feelings for him, even though I absolutely did. Uh, and obviously he just took it as, okay, she's not interested in me at all. Um, so it's really important to be vulnerable. And with the girl and the example obviously, I mean, she was really beautiful, we're both beautiful. But, uh, she had this, you know, she was very much expressive in her feelings when she liked people, everybody knew. And, um, you know, they felt emotionally connected to her, whereas I could not emotionally connect with people. So men do wanna know how you feel and they want to be able to connect with you emotionally. So if a man like can't hold Space for your feelings and emotions, then that just means they're emotionally unavailable. So, you know, not available for you anyway. Um, but an emotionally available masculine man will want you to be emotional and vulnerable with him. So he feels more at peace and he knows that. How you feel. He wants to be able to know how you feel and, and have you open up to him because that's sacred. That's special. That's what's beautiful about connecting. And he'll be able to fall in love with you even more. Um, and especially when you are communicating with a man. So when you are expressing your needs, which is something that you do need to do, um, you don't do it through logic. You do it through feeling, so you tell'em how it makes you feel.'cause a man just wants to make you happy. Um, I mean, I hope that they just wanna make you happy. If, if you're with a man who doesn't wanna make you happy, then find a different man. But they just wanna make you happy. And when you're trying to logic your way through an argument, they can always find some other logical thing. Or maybe they might not get the logic or they can't argue with your feelings, you know? So if you say, uh, you know, babe, I. You told me that you were gonna clean the dishes and it's 10 o'clock and blah, blah, blah. I don't know, clean the dishes. Uh, whereas you could be like, oh, babe. Um, I know that. I know that, uh, you're really busy this week and, uh, I really appreciate the effort that you've done, um, cleaning around the house here, and I saw that, um, you didn't put away your dishes from this morning. When I got home, I had a really stressful day and I saw the dishes and it just made me feel. Really sad and upset and I just like, I can't, I just can't relax when the house is a mess. Um, I would really love it. I would feel so much more at peace if, um, you know, you would just quickly put away the dishes when you get home and that's a lot more easy to respond to than why the hell did you clean the dishes, You know? So open yourself up, be vulnerable. And that's actually just a really good way to connect and express your needs. Um, and that leads to point, uh, number, well, actually I wanna move on to point. Actually, it moves on to point number six. It's a better, it's a better, it's a better transition. Um, so let's just say that's point number four, uh, which is honesty and boundaries. Uh, So this is where you have to, you have to say what it is that you feel, but you have to find a way to communicate it in a non accusatory kind way that's connected with your feelings. And you can say everything really. Um, so, you know, we said don't nag, don't complain too much, don't criticize. But you have to express everything that you. Feel. So you might be thinking, my, that doesn't make any sense. How do I not complain and not criticize? Uh, but I also say everything that I think, well, you really have to turn around the way that you're communicating. So criticizing is like, you never do this. Well, you, why aren't you doing this? It's, it's about tone and it's about the way that you're coming at it with an accusation against that person. Um, So for example, if you are, uh, a people pleaser and you're always just saying everything is fine, you know, you're not gonna feel safe actually softening to your man, you're still gonna try to do everything yourself. You're never gonna be able to let him do things for you. Um, for many reasons that we can't get into on this podcast, but one of them is because. You're not, you don't feel safe. He's gonna do it the way that you want because you're unable to express that and he can feel it. He's not gonna feel safe with you, um, that he's actually making you happy. Um, he's never gonna know because you never say no to things. And he knows that, like you're always just saying it to make him happy and that doesn't make somebody else happy. Um, so a man respects and loves a woman who has strong boundaries more. So what does this look like? So, You know, don't give up your morning routine for him. When you start dating. Don't give up the plans that you already had, especially if you're just dating and it's not like your husband or something. Um, never give up your plans for just some guy that you're, that you're dating. You know, he has to plan in advance. He has to reach out. I. Um, you think that if you're doing that, you're showing him that you care about him and you wanna spend more time with him, but that's not how he takes it. Uh, that's not showing that you can show that when you are with him, you're being re respected, res, uh, re not respect, um, receptive to him. And you're being smiley and you're having fun. And you can even tell him, I enjoy spending time with you. Uh, and that's the way that you show it rather than giving up your plans because that's just gonna put you in this dynamic where you feel like he owes you something when he doesn't. And he's gonna feel that way too. And it's already this dynamic of you're taking from him. So don't give up anything for him. Um, also, if you don't like something or don't wanna do something, say it. He will respect it, but you can say it in a way that is kind and that is focused on your feelings. And that's not criticizing, and that's not like accu accusatory. You can say it in a way that opens up conversation and actually encourages him to take action, uh, rather than, Um, you know, being nasty about it. So honesty and boundaries are key. A man really does want that. You have to tell him when you don't like something and you have to, so that way you can believe it more like it's true or when you do like something. Okay. Um, then number five, A man wants that you take care of yourself physically. So, especially if you've been in a long, um, term relationship, he's never gonna say this to you. So he wants you to dress your best, take care of yourself, uh, you know, do whatever it is to make yourself feel beautiful, however that is for you. So maybe you don't wear makeup, maybe you never wear makeup, so maybe that's not gonna be it for you, but maybe you have, you know, your best clothes or do your hair in a certain way. Or when you, whenever you do make effort, he wants you to do that for him in whatever way it is. For you. So make that effort. And he is never gonna say this to you. He's always gonna say, you're beautiful, even in your sweats and your ponytail. Oh, I love you even more without makeup. Uh, I love it when you're so natural. And then people start to get lazy. We start to get lazy about it. And, um, I think a part of commitment and a relationship is also committing to continuing to take care of yourself and making yourself beautiful. You know when people break up and then the man is like, or even the woman, but everybody, they're like, why are they suddenly getting dressed all hot and going out? Like, that's'cause you're looking for somebody, but commit to continuing that effort. Even when you're in a long-term, um, relationship. So don't get lazy. He will always, always deny it. I bet you even if you ask him right now, but he wants you to dress up for him to make an effort and do whatever it is. And this also means he wants you to eat healthy and exercise. Everybody wants to be with somebody who respects their bodies and, um, does the best to, to nourish themselves and exercise and just be as fit as possible. Of course, if he tells you he wants you to be a certain body type or like exercise like crazy, that's just abuse. But I. Um, he wants you to be healthy. So, and before you get angry, like, oh, I don't know why you want me to be a certain body, no. Um, you probably would want your man to be healthy and fit and take care of himself. Like why wouldn't you want that for him as well? So you can also return that every time you feel resistance to one of these things. Like, well, wouldn't you also want those things? Why can't we make that effort for a man? Um, number six, um, thing that a man wants but won't say that he does is appreciation. So men do a lot and they feel really good when they're Feeling useful or when they're shown appreciation by what they're doing. So women these days are so used to like being control freaks and doing everything themselves, and everything has to be exactly the way that they want it. And they do everything, everything, everything. And then suddenly the man becomes useless. Or if you ask your man to do something for you, you say, I need to go get napkins. I want all of the napkins to be baby blue. And he comes back with navy blue and you're like, Ugh, these aren't the right color. And yet he went out and tried to help you. Um, no. You need to get you let go a little bit of control. Let him help you, and then show him appreciation because that's how you form a partnership. That's how you form a team. And, um, I. The, the way he's gonna do more for you is if you let him and if you show him appreciation for all the small things that he does. So he wants to do good things for you. He wants to be able to help you, and he wants to feel that dopamine, that success. He wants to feel successful and being able to make you happy and do those kind of things. Especially if you are that woman who is doing things for herself and making herself happy. She wants to be able to do it. So I even say make a huge deal and say out loud like When he's doing the smallest things for you. So like when my boyfriend opens the door for me, I'm always like, I put a big smile and I say, I love it when you open the door for me. I love it so much when you open the door for me, what a gentleman, or I love it when you help me carrying my bag, or I love it when you help me this and make a big deal about it. And of course, be genuine. Don't be sarcastic, but say it with your words. How you don't just say it to other people. There are some women who will say all these things of appreciation to other people, but they won't say it directly to their man. Say it to, to your man out loud as often as possible, and with enthusiasm. Um, so those are the six things that your man wants from you, but won't say. Uh, if you've listened all the way to the end, thank you so much. Please find me on Instagram, purposeful living.co. Uh, and let me know if you've listened to this episode or any of the episodes. I would love to hear from you and, uh, thank you so much and I will see you next time. Outro Music