Ever wondered why some relationships make you feel suffocated while others set you free? Want to learn how to create sacred spaces of acceptance where no one feels judged, belittled, or unsafe? This discussion delves deep into these personal and communal issues while offering valuable insights on how to foster a healthy emotional state, select your tribe wisely, and avoid potential pitfalls when creating spaces for others.
This episode is also a heartfelt exploration into the significance of self-love and authenticity in creating safe spaces. It’s a journey towards understanding that love should not hurt and how to find freedom, community, and truth in it instead. It emphasizes the need to love oneself first before extending that love to others, a personal journey that could lead you out of destructive relationships. As we conclude this enriching conversation, we shift our focus towards the power of dreams and gratitude, underlining the importance of cherishing those who support us and recognizing the role they play in our lives. Get ready to redefine your understanding of relationships, personal space, and self-love!
Ever wondered why some relationships make you feel suffocated while others set you free? Want to learn how to create sacred spaces of acceptance where no one feels judged, belittled, or unsafe? This discussion delves deep into these personal and communal issues while offering valuable insights on how to foster a healthy emotional state, select your tribe wisely, and avoid potential pitfalls when creating spaces for others.
This episode is also a heartfelt exploration into the significance of self-love and authenticity in creating safe spaces. It’s a journey towards understanding that love should not hurt and how to find freedom, community, and truth in it instead. It emphasizes the need to love oneself first before extending that love to others, a personal journey that could lead you out of destructive relationships. As we conclude this enriching conversation, we shift our focus towards the power of dreams and gratitude, underlining the importance of cherishing those who support us and recognizing the role they play in our lives. Get ready to redefine your understanding of relationships, personal space, and self-love!
Happy Saturday, everybody. You know it's your host, andrew Carroll, and today, on the Ache All Day podcast, we are going to be talking about safe space. Yes, safe space. So stick around, you're not gonna want to miss this. Let's go ahead and drop in. Oh my goodness, oh my goodness, oh my goodness. Welcome to the Ache All Day podcast. You know it's once again Andrew Carroll here to hold space for us to play, creating that environment wherein you have permission to be authentically yourself. Yes, my family, my vibe tribe, my friends, how have you been? You've been so well. I know we're all doing our best out here. We're all doing our best out here. Let's just get right into it.
Speaker 1:
Today, you guys have been on the show enough to know that we do a little breathing to get present, and so we've done that. Yes, every single breath is a as an opportunity to change your life, to be reborn. And, man, there's constant, constant change, right, constant change. Things are ever evolving. If we're not changing, we're essentially dead. Really, stagnation, blocked energy all these things can have a drastically adverse effect on our ability to relate to ourselves into the environment or the simulation in which we live, right?
Speaker 1:
So I really want to talk about safe space today. What does that mean to me? Are there dangers involved in that and who's really responsible for creating it? And the reason I want to talk about that is because in conscious community, a lot of people are doing their best to provide an environment where others feel safe, and this is a good thing. I want to let's preface this entire conversation by getting that very, by making that very clear. We want to provide an environment and a space where others can feel fully expressed, safe and fully expressing who they are. That's wonderful. The intent of that is beautiful.
Speaker 1:
The problem that I see with that is this transfer of ownership or responsibility, wherein it becomes my responsibility to make sure that someone feels safe or man. This is really hard to talk about, because I really don't want to trigger anyone in this and I want to make sure that I'm being very clear. That's why I'm hesitating how to say this, but let's just step into it. I want everyone to know, before I say these things, that I'm coming from my heart. I don't want to. I really am not attempting to hurt anyone's feelings.
Speaker 1:
What I do want to highlight is something that has been coming up for me consistently in community, and I think it's an important thing to talk about. It is my Andrew Carroll's responsibility, solely my responsibility, to create safe space for myself. I am 100% responsible for me. What does that mean? That means that I need to do the work to become clear on who I am in this moment or what my values are. What is my Tao, my way, what's important to me, and am I living my life in alignment with that?
Speaker 1:
When I am doing all of those things and I know that I am authentically expressing and I am walking my path unapologetically, ruthlessly committed to who I am and what I believe in, it doesn't matter what anyone else says or thinks. It doesn't, because I am in deep, intimate relationship with self, and so it's not your responsibility to create safe space for me, and in so, in creating my own safe space with me, in this intimate relationship with self, I am responsible for finding people and relating with people who understand what I'm about and who value that and who want to be on the journey with me. It's not your responsibility to make sure that my feelings don't get hurt, and that's what I'm trying to express so much. I 100% support your right to free will to do what you want, as long as it doesn't infringe on my right to be myself and it doesn't infringe on my safety or the safety of the people in my community and my tribe. And by that I mean you can't be going around traumatizing people, right? That's not what we're after here and that's where in the difficulty lies to try to express this idea. So I'll try and clarify that one more time. It's my responsibility to manage my emotional state and be present with it in an effective way that does not allow me to be triggered.
Speaker 1:
And when I am triggered or when I do feel unsafe, it is my responsibility to integrate that, to look at it and why, as I look back on my life in places that I did not feel safe, there were some instances where I didn't have control of that situation. When you're a little kid and you are moved to an environment where you don't feel safe, you don't have a lot of agency in that. But as an adult, I get to choose my community, I get to choose my vibe tribe, I get to choose my ashe all day, family, right, and you are all welcome here. You can be whatever dude, if you show up and you're in your heart, I really don't care what your beliefs are. I don't care what you're about. If you're living in your passion and your purpose and you're doing the work and you're integrating and you're secure and who you are, I am going to support you. I am, and that's beautiful. Those are the kind of people that I want to be surrounded by, and as I walk in this path, on this path, I am just being surrounded by some of the most incredible people that I've ever met, and I've met some amazing folks in my life. I'll shout out like to Norris Frederick and the embracing the journey pod had I not been a guest on that podcast, I would not be podcasting.
Speaker 1:
Norris provided a space for me to experience that environment, to see what it actually looked like to have like a professional setup to go through working with sponsors. I got a high level overview of that and I decided in that moment I can do this, and so I figured out how, and now I am podcasting and it's a huge, huge blessing in my life. So, again, this conversation about safe space, it's being pushed outward, outward, but it starts in here. It starts inside of you. So whether you're trans or queer or straight or vanilla or dark chocolate or whatever man or woman or they them, it doesn't matter to me, and I really want to create a conversation where we can help you or you can help me, because I still, I'm still doing work, actively doing work.
Speaker 1:
The work is daily, let's not get that twisted. The work doesn't stop. The work is beautiful. It is the journey, it's so, so, so juicy and good. And when you're single, the work is beautiful. When you're in relationship, the work is beautiful. You know, like it's just so many opportunities and it's all, it's all growth and it's it's absolutely wonderful. So, whatever the choices that you're making, make them unapologetically. Be ruthlessly committed to who you are, and when you do that, when you truly know in your heart this is me. It doesn't matter what anyone else tells you. There is no possibility that someone can create a space for you wherein you don't feel safe. And that's the hard truth and I'm going to reflect this back to you.
Speaker 1:
The only times in my life where I didn't feel safe was in in a space of insecurity, internal insecurity. I wasn't showing up authentically. I wasn't showing up in my power. I wasn't showing up knowing who I was. I was still questioning my ability to participate at a high level, whatever that looks like Maybe I was. I was in the gym and I saw some dude who was bigger than me, body dysmorphia, right Like that's, that's real, that's legit.
Speaker 1:
There are so many things that it could be. It could be. It could be something simple Somebody has a nicer shirt than you. That could. That could draw some things up. You know, when you're in a place, are you truly, truly, truly know what you're about and who you are? No one else can make you feel unsafe, and so I'm inviting you, the next time that you're in an environment where you might feel like you're unworthy or unwelcome, a couple of things. If you're over 18, you more or less have an opportunity to say thank you, goodbye, and that can be hard, that can be really hard.
Speaker 1:
Look, family relationships will change, and, especially as you step into your power and you begin to walk your own path, a lot of people don't like that, and those are likely the people who are causing you feelings of of being unsafe. And let me just say again and I've said this before there is there is no room in love for abuse of any kind, and my dear friend Rachel Duttler told me that abuse means that the person who's experiencing it has no control and that's very accurate and that's a that's a much higher level. Actually, I would call that a much more micro, micro view. Not a macro view, but a micro view conversation with her experience and professional training and her beautiful heart. And it's true. But love has no room for abuse, in the sense that love doesn't hurt you, love doesn't make you feel unsafe. Sweet family Love is freedom and community and support and truth and trust, and love is play. Love is not hard.
Speaker 1:
We've been given these ideas that love is this thing, that is work and it's just a grind sometimes. And let me tell you that that is not the case. And when you are loving yourself, if you've been in relationships where that hasn't been the love hasn't been healthy, it hasn't been love, and I've had plenty of those. I look back on all the relationships I've been in and I will not put any projection on my partners, but I will tell you that I had In those moments, the experience of some really unhealthy attachment styles and inability to communicate my heart. Out of fear, I acted as a scared little boy in so many situations and I just destroyed myself. Part of that was I didn't feel safe and I didn't feel worthy, and so we all have heard that.
Speaker 1:
That old is it a verse, right Love your neighbor as yourself. Some people might call it an adage or whatever, but it came out of the Christian book and people think that that means you should treat other people the way that you want to be treated. But I have this to offer you Love your neighbor as yourself is a statement that is saying you will only love other people in the same way that you love yourself. Think about that If you're in a relationship and you are being unfaithful. Let's say I can only speak for myself.
Speaker 1:
In my experience, when I was an unfaithful spouse, I didn't feel worthy of love. I didn't feel a valid. I had an incredible lack of self-worth and I played the victim constantly. I never felt safe because I wasn't creating my safe space. I was not a man with convictions. I had no principle. Really, I didn't have a foundation, I wasn't grounded, I wasn't living in purpose and in that just wreaking destruction. I embodied the full archetype with everything I had and there was so much arrogance and pride. Oh man, I just I created so much, so much more pain for myself, instead of having a conversation early on of like hey, you're an incredible person, but this doesn't work for me and it all ties into safe space. I was responsible for creating that safe space and I was looking to other people to create that safe space for me and in doing so, I gave away so much of my power. I was like a wacky, waving inflatable arm, flailing tube man just over here like pfft, stopping my arms everywhere, waving in the breeze, any direction. The wind blows there, I'd go, couldn't say no to save my life and ah. So I just offer that to you for consideration.
Speaker 1:
Do you see that coming up in your life? How is that manifesting? Do you feel safe and secure in your own skin? I was in deep conversation with my coach a couple weeks ago, talking about the Christ consciousness and satanic modalities and what does that actually look like? And if you've listened to my podcast previous episodes, you know that I am actively in this pursuit. No, I'm not in pursuit, but I am actively educating myself in the experience of looking at life in a non-dualistic fashion and as I've done more and more shadow work and I've been so blessed to know some incredibly beautiful priestesses who have taught me some things, we get into this place where we have an understanding that we are creators and we are devils and it's all one and the same. And that's such a such an interesting thing to unpack. Such an interesting thing to unpack because to be whole and complete truly means that I have to know the parts of myself that are dark and scary and dangerous and evil, just as much as I need to know the parts of me that are light and playful and flowing, and masculine or feminine, or you know light and dark and shadow and all these things.
Speaker 1:
Right, I had a beautiful conversation with my coach about that and what came of it was this deep understanding that the end of your life is you're lying in your death bed and you're up on that cross. Are you going to be able to say I did it, yeah, yeah, you put me up here. That's fine, I know exactly what I'm about. I lived it unapologetically, and the maker will bring you down off that cross and the Samsara the Samsara who I forget which one, but I think it's Samsara will be over and return home to the soul family and get another chance in a different way, if you so choose, maybe or maybe not.
Speaker 1:
The point is, do you know yourself so well that you're willing to be crucified for what you believe in and what you're about, because if you are, no one can create a space for you that is unsafe. So, as this comes to an end today, this conversation, I'm going to make an invitation to you to get out a pen and a piece of paper and make this a daily practice. Write down what you believe in, hash it out, make lists, make it a journal entry. Make it a practice. Get clear on who you are and what you're about in this moment, right now, and understand that that should change. As you gather more information and you become more knowledgeable and you have more beautiful experiences and the light shines down upon you. That should change, because we do not practice stagnation, we do not practice closed-minded modalities.
Speaker 1:
In the Ashe All Day family, in the Ashe All Day tribe, we are all about adjusting and adapting. When information is provided to us or we have a new experience wherein there is growth, there is clarity. So know that too. It's not about. This is who I am and I'm never going to change it. That's disgusting. That's so gross. We don't play that.
Speaker 1:
I was telling you about being non-dualistic earlier and then I just did a duality of good and bad, it is what it is If that's your way, probably not going to get along, but whatever, still love you truly. But I'll love you from over here and you'll be over there. I'll be with my little soul group Actually my massive soul group, but all right, I love you guys. I hope that made sense. Hit me up with questions.
Speaker 1:
Let's talk about this, because I'd love to know what you think. I'd love to know how you feel. I'd love to know what came up for you and hit that subscribe button Like this, share this. If you think and feel the value, please tell your friends. I can't do this without you. Really, like, truly, I am chasing my dreams. The Dusty 45s have a song about that. It's really chase your dreams. It's beautiful and I am chasing my dreams. I'm building my dreams, I am embracing my dreams, I am receiving my dreams right now. This microphone, this headset, this camera and you guys, whoever's listening right now. You're loved and you matter and if I were to meet you in person, I would hug you so tightly and give the deepest gratitude that you are supporting what I am building. So thank you so much. I love you family. Oh, let's take it out. Let's take it out, okay.
