E1: Approaching FemDommes

In this very first episode of "Kinking Out Loud" I talk briefly about how subs tend to approach FemDommes, and the do's and don'ts of it all. Follow my "secret recipe" on how to contact and speak to Dommes and I guarantee a 100% success rate of finding a Domme. follow my podcast to get solid advice and guides on BDSM, from my 6+ Years experience as a Lifestyle FemDomme.

Transcript

Welcome to my first podcast episode on the new podcast Kinking Out Loud. My name is Gothicc Hel and I am going to talk to you about my experiences in femdom, as I've been a lifestyle femdom for the last six years. Hopefully you'll enjoy my stories and somehow get some new knowledge from me. 

First up is how to approach a dom, or more importantly how to treat a dom.  Cause one thing that is really, really, really a big problem in the BDSM community overall is that most subs expect femdoms to dominate them just because they are dominant. This is a big mistake most submissives and switches do. 

You can't really just contact a dom and expect her to be it. Interested in you as a submissive if you have absolutely no idea who she is and she doesn't even know you.  You can't treat her like what you see her as. You only see her as a dom, first and foremost. But the important thing is to try to see us as what we really are.

Humans. We are humans who have experiences and interests and likes and dislikes outside of BDSM.  So, when you first contact a dom, the most important thing, in my opinion, is to ask if they do prefer you to use... honorifics or not. Most of the time it is something that is reserved for owned subs or people they know intimately from before. 

So I would really recommend you to be mindful of this fact.  Other than that, don't just barge into her DMs or anything like that and say, oh mistress please own me or please mistress let me serve you or anything in that fucking vein.  Cause more than likely she's going to think that it's a huge turn off and she will know that you're the kind of person who does this to every single fandom you talk to.

Not just her. We know. We know we're not special to you.  We know very well that this isn't the first person you've been contacting, probably not even today. It is really unattractive and it's very clear that you have no idea what you're doing.  First of all, I think you should research her if possible.

Maybe she has a website. Maybe she is on clip sites. Maybe she has information about what she does somewhere, especially if she has a strong online presence, like I do. Well, I don't really  have such a strong online presence. However, I do have a website. Where it says what I'm looking for and who I am.  But, you can't always know everything about someone just from what they write online.

So my very, very best tip to you, who is looking for a femdom or trying to find someone who wants to be your dom, It's to talk to people, and absolutely under no circumstances, start off by saying something dumb like Hello mistress, please own me. Don't start off by talking about your kinks or asking about her kinks.

Don't start kink talk. At all. That's not how you do it. You wouldn't do that on a date with a woman you've never ever met before, and you shouldn't do it in the BDSM scene either. It is just bad etiquette.  No matter what you want from the relationship, you really have to be mindful of what she wants from a relationship too.

Maybe she's not even looking for subs. Maybe she's taking a break. Maybe she just wants to be left alone. You never know unless you ask or research how it is she's doing.  And the most important thing of everything, like this.  The first thing you kind of gotta ask yourself is, what do I want out of this relationship?

What do I want by speaking to her? Because if your ultimate goal is centered around you and your fetishes and your kinks, you should really try going to a professional instead. There are pro doms  offering services and sessions for a fee. It is really easy. You can find them.  All over the place. You probably can find them in your vicinity or country or state or whatever, just look up your state and prodom.

That's very, very easy.  Other than that, you shouldn't really contact people on the basis of you just wanting to get your rocks off. People don't like that, and being selfish isn't going to get you anywhere.  You have to treat people, even femdoms, like they are your equals. You can't just expect, like, Oh no, she is a femdom, she is a mistress.

I'd better really treat her like she is a goddess, like she is above me.  That is unconsensual play.  Even if you mean Well, even if you just think you're being courteous and, you know, submissive and nice and treating her like she should be treated because she is a femdom. No.  You didn't get, you didn't get consent doing that. 

You have to ask her if it's okay, whether you, you know it or not. Addressing someone with, uh, um, honorific and addressing them as you're superior or speaking to them as they are, you're dumb or superior, is kink play. It is kinky. You are engaging in unconsensual kink with someone who didn't actually agree to it.

This is very important and something people don't really think about too much.  It is annoying and it downright disrespectful to do so. You don't want someone to start doing kinks with you out of the blue and consensually I hope not at least. Maybe you're into it. I don't know.  Most fandoms aren't though.

They think that it's very obvious that you're only out to get one thing. And you can't really complain that people are using you or you're being scammed if all you're out to get is kinks and fetishes from someone.  You shouldn't expect to get something and then act surprised. That you're not getting  exactly what you want.

Instead, you're getting someone who can see you're desperate and only wants one thing. They will take advantage of that. They will take advantage of you. And to be completely honest, with that kind of behavior, you actually do deserve it.  It is kind of disgusting how, how much objectification is going around in the BDSM community, especially from subs. 

I'm sorry, but that's, that's just, that's just how it is. And then again, I am kind of biased, seeing as I am a dom, and I get... A lot of submissive contacting me  on a near daily basis. So I'm speaking directly from experience. It is not really cool to be on the receiving end of people who only see you as a sexual object.

Like, I'm fine being sexualized. That is my whole fucking deal. I sexualized. That is how I do.  But I don't want you to think that you can come directly to me and talk to me like I am a kink object, like I am a toy, like I am what we call a fetish dispenser. That is not what I am.  I am a human being and I want to be treated as it.

And if you don't, you have no fucking chance to find the femdom that will actually be in a d ass relationship with you. Go find the prodom. I swear to god, you will be so much happier, and you will get your kings fulfilled.  And if you say you don't want to pay for it, then that means you don't really want it that bad.

You shouldn't expect to get anything for free without putting in the effort.  I will be speaking of the effort I'm talking about. I will be speaking about, uh, BDSM protocols. I will be talking about the rampant abuse within the BDSM  community. I will also talk about how to properly talk to a dom, how to behave as a submissive and everything that entails.

I'll also try to explain and educate about abusers in the community,  proper etiquette, good behavior, and of course, What you want to look for if you're going to look for a dom. It's not really that straightforward. You can't just  Advertise like, ah, hey, I'm looking for a femdom. Please come get me. I am a sub.

Oh, no  Unfortunately doesn't work that way because you gotta understand that there are a lot of subs Contacting femdoms on a daily basis. There is plenty of subs  So, we have quantity, what we are trying to find is quality. You have to prove, in some way, that you are quality. You are a quality sub and a quality human. 

And I promise you, you don't even have to look. You had, you, you just be friends with people, talk to people as friends, and doms will know very easily that this person, this person is a proper sub, this person has their shit together, and this person is not desperate, and they don't see me as a kink dispenser.

You will have 100 percent success rate if this is how you go about things. I will probably go more in details about these things later in more,  in later episodes. Until then, thank you so much for hearing me talk about these things, and thanks so much for hopefully continuing to see and to listen to my,  uh, next episodes.

This has been  kink, kinking out.  This has been Kinking Out Loud with Gothic Hell. I'll see you later.