Speaker 1
00:01
Good day, fellow believers. We are back with another installment of the crossing guard tapes. As always, we come to you live from an undisclosed location. What you are about to hear is true. This is an unauthorized account taken from the diary of Mike Limbo and his time as an agent for a deep state organization known as the Guards of the Realm. This is Mike's story and he's on the run. Help us get the word out. Join us as we bring you the second installment of the crossing guard tapes. 

Speaker 2
00:53
January 31st 1987. So I went to see Mr Jakeman this morning, Turned my gear, pick up my paycheck. He was a lot nicer today, especially after I apologized again. He seemed to be much more understanding and I even got him to agree to call me if he ever needed a substitute crossing guard. Sometimes they call in sick or take vacations, Just need someone to fill in for him at the last second. I told him though anytime, anyplace, call me because I'm your man. I think I convinced him. I guess we'll wait and see. 

Speaker 3
01:54
January 31st 1987. Such a perfect body. 

Speaker 2
02:09
So smooth to the touch. Melovir exhaust makes me wonder. Hello, good morning Mike, how you doing this morning. Who is this? What time is it? It's Jakeman, mr Jakeman. Good morning, mr Jakeman. How are you? Is that stick still up your ass? It's been a while. Is everything okay? 

Speaker 1
02:35
Mike, there's a temporary opening, you interested? 

Speaker 2
02:38
Yeah, definitely, I thought you'd forgotten about me. I can be there in an hour. 

Speaker 1
02:43
I had a bed for this, mike, hold on to your seat. 

Speaker 2
02:45
I haven't even told you where it is yet. You don't gotta be a prick about it. Yeah, count me in, count me in. Mr Jakeman, can you make it quick? 

Speaker 1
02:52
We've got a situation Bob Fossil down at Midvale Tours Rotator Cuff Can't even hold up a stop sign. 

Speaker 2
02:59
If you can't hold the sign, you ought to resign. What do you say? Yeah, I'm in. I'm your guy. Definitely I will be there in ten minutes. Tops. You'll be doing me a big favor, Mike, and it could be a step in bringing you back full time. I will be there. Mr Jakeman, Thank you so much. I owe you big time. I promise I will not let you down. I'm your guy. I know you're a fuck stick then, September 18th 1987. 

03:57
Stay on the curb, stay on the curb. I've been really involved with my job lately. Alright, let's cross. That's why I haven't been back to write much. Jesse, stop lagging behind. You're always lagging behind every time we cross this road, every single day. I am finally beginning to get to know some of the kids a little better. Hey, jessica, tell your mom I said huh, which ones need more time to cross and which ones need a little special attention. Hey, back. 

04:23
One of my kids spaced out a little this afternoon and almost stepped off the sidewalk in front of a bus. Get back on the sidewalk, it's a close call. Hey, come here, come here. I've really got to stay on my toes with this gig. I'm not careful, I could lose one of my kids. It's important that I stay focused and that I keep it together. Alright, let's cross One, two. Oh yeah, I almost forgot. 

04:54
The crossing guard controlling the northeast corner is a new friend of mine. His name is Eddie Richter. James, why are you crossing again? I've taken him a few days to warm up to me, but he's slowly coming around. All in all, he's a pretty cool cat. Your kids would never make it home without me, would you? I guess Eddie's been at hazard for a few years now and he's got some great stories to tell. More on that later, though I gotta run. Eddie actually invited me to his house for a little get-together. Hey, there's cars coming. Get on the sidewalk. I don't want to stay out too late, since tomorrow's a work day, but I haven't been out much lately, so I'm kind of looking forward to this. Should be fun. 

06:00
September 25th 1987. Last night Eddie confided in me that the guy I replaced died on the job. Now I understand why it took so long for Eddie to warm up to me. I mean, you never know when you're going to lose your partner out there in the trenches. It doesn't pay to get too friendly with someone who could get taken out at any time. He told me that the guy died after he tried to save a first grader who'd run out into traffic. The guy fell into the path of a school bus. It chewed him up and sawed him in half like a sausage, and then after that it took him more than three weeks to die. Eddie got pretty choked up when he was telling me about it. He couldn't even tell me the guy's name. It almost brought him to tears and I let it go after that. Fortunately, the guy saved the kid, though she didn't even get a scratch, and that's what happens when you die in the line of duty. 

07:22
That story put me in the worst mood. I was extra careful with the kids this afternoon. Talk about walking around on eggshells. I promised myself that I would never allow that to happen on my watch. No casualties on 22nd Street and Plummer Not as long as I'm here. I made that pledge to myself and to the kids. 

08:32
I was pouring like crazy today. I really had to be on my toes. It's been raining steady since last night and there are some pretty huge puddles building up on 22nd Street. By the time school let out, 22nd looked more like a river than a city street. It's days like this that separate the boys from the Marines. You know what we say no retreat, no surrender. It's put up or shut up time. They don't hand out medals for this kind of work, but you can walk around with your head held high, knowing that when you were called, you served. Luckily for me, I was well rested and well fed, as I've been trained. 

09:19
Here's what happened. Thunder and lightning was crashing all around us. It was like a goddamn war zone, man. The trucks and buses cruising down 22nd Street were cutting through the rainwater like speed boats on a lake, sending waves crashing over the curve and onto the sidewalk. One of those waves was so big it totally nailed some of our kids. A bunch of them were huddled together, soaking wet, taking shelter beneath trees and awnings. But the rain didn't let up and it was cold as hell too. 

09:58
Man, I sure felt sorry for the kids. They look like drowned rats. It was miserable. An eighth grader tried to ride her bike home, but she lost her balance and fell into the wake of a bus. Her books and notebooks got washed into a sewer drain. Poor girl was crying and soaked to the bone. I took charge, helped her, while Eddie took over the whole intersection. He had to direct traffic and cross the kids safely until I returned, and by his looks he was none too happy about it either. If looks could kill, I would be dead right now. Sometimes you forget how intense this job can be. Today was my wake up call. If I'm going to pull my weight around here, I need to be more prepared. I need to know what's going to happen before it happens and, more so, prevent it from happening. I'm just glad that Mr Jakeman wasn't around to see it. I'm not sure that he'd be so sympathetic a second time. 

Speaker 1
11:20
You have just heard the second chapter of the crossing guard tape. We are shutting down our transmitter now to prevent the deep state from tracing our signal. Dear listeners, due to the FBI's ceaseless crusade to find Mike and recover the tapes, they could be monitoring any mentions of our site. So please rate, review and share this podcast at your own risk. Until next time. Co-conspirators, stay alive and spread the word. The crossing guard tapes was written and produced by Jim Waters, featuring the voice talents of Tommy Nicolai and Pat Waters, with original music from Pendulum Incorporated Technical support and marketing courtesy of Jaz Garewal.