Hello and welcome back to the Crossing Guard tapes. We come to you live from an undisclosed location. What you are about to hear is true. This is an unauthorized account taken from the diary of Mike Limbo and his time as an agent for a deep state organization known as the Guards of the Realm. Mike needs our help. They know he's out there and they won't rest until they have him back in their grips. Help us get the word out. Join us as we bring you the fourth installment of the Crossing Guard tapes, april 10, 1988.
Speaker 2:Eddie came back to work today and actually said hello to me. Hello, you're so fucking cool. Seems to be warming up to me a little. We'll see how that goes. Oh, I'm sure it's gonna go great.
Speaker 2:Working full time is taking more out of me than I ever thought it would. Three exhausting days I feel like I need to go out more to blow off steam. Last night I went to a sports bar and watched the game, had a few too many and I'm feeling it. This morning I didn't get home until two in the morning but as my head hit the pillow I was out like a light. Out like a light down, like syndrome. Even though I'm hung over like shit this morning I'm actually feeling pretty good, like I'm finally doing something pretty cool with my life. Once I've got my body back, my dreams will be realized.
Speaker 2:May 29, 1988. Been having trouble getting a hold of the fuck face. I sold my Bonneville to Think he's moved a couple times since I sold it to him. Just my luck. I would sell it to a fucking sleazebag like that. Nonetheless, I'm gonna keep trying until I find him. This is an opportunity I'm not gonna let slip away. This is mine, she's mine, she's mine as far as work is concerned, I'm starting to really get annoyed with some of my kids. There's a few sixth graders who don't wait for me and try to cross before I can do the assist. I've told them repeatedly to wait, but they keep ignoring my warnings. Eddie's getting pretty fed up with them too. We've talked about it and we both agree that these kids are messing with the wrong fucking people. If they don't watch themselves, I'll take matters into my own hands, and they're not gonna like it one little bit Believe me.
Speaker 2:June 15, 1988. Finally I got a lucky break. Jesus loves me. Yesterday, on the bus ride home after work, I saw my Bonneville parked in the Hooters parking lot over on Greenway Avenue. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. Love you all right here. Got out at the next stop, walked back and waited around for a while, but the guy never came out. Eventually I just left a note with my telephone number. Call me, boy. I know it's just a matter of time now before my Bonnie and I are reunited. Afterwards I went in and had a beer and then ended up having another one, another one, a couple more, another one, a few.
Speaker 2:To make a long story short, I missed the last bus and had to walk home through the pouring fucking rain. I didn't get home until after almost four in the end this morning I'm feeling really fucking shitty. Maybe I'll just call in sick again. Mr Jakeman doesn't like it when I call in sick and lately he's been giving me a really hard time about it. Way to go, boss man. Last week he warned me that I've been taking too many sick days. Well, fuck you. If he felt as crappy as I do right now, he wouldn't fucking go to work either. Asshole.
Speaker 2:June 16th 1988. Well, mr Jakeman put me on probation today and he cut back my hours, big Boss man making his move. If that didn't piss me off enough, when I got home the guy called about my Bonneville. He told me he'd sell it back to me for 5000 fucking dollars. That's more than twice what I sold it to him for Fucking Jerk, fucking Jerk. I told him that I didn't have enough money right now. Fuck, I don't have enough money right now. I just got put on probation at work but he didn't give two shit. You just caught me a break, man. He fucking hung up on me. He wouldn't give me his number so I can't even get a hold of him when I do get the money together. Fuck, fuck, what a piece of shit. Fucking crappy day it's been. He's just joined the even Steven Club and he's at the top of the fucking list. June 27th 1988. So I've been transferred to a different school district. Kick me while.
Speaker 2:I'm down this one is even further away out on the far east side in a totally crummy part of town. Takes me almost two hours to get there by bus and I have to transfer three times just to get within a 20 minute walk of the school. Mr Jakeman is not fucking around with me anymore. He told me that I was within a cunt hair of losing my job. What a disgusting thing to say to me. With a mouth like that, they should fire his ass too Sleaze back. I think I might just send a little letter to Mr Jakeman's supervisor just to let him know what kind of scummy ass working for him. That should get him off my ass for a while, because I'm sick of this shit.
Speaker 2:August 12th 1988 Summer school is finally over, so I have a few weeks before school begins again in September. It's time to chill out, put my feet up and watch a few baseball games on TV. Go Horia. Yeah, I'm gonna hang out with some of my new partners at work and they are way cooler than Eddie and those south side jackoffs Fucking no way. My friend buddy and his pals are showing me a side of this town I have never seen before. They've been turning me on to some serious shit. It's a whole different lifestyle with these guys. Really Nothing but topless dancers, hard rock and hard cocks every day and every night. We're driving to Atlantic City tonight to spend a few days gambling and horror. Might be a while before I see my Bonneville again, since I've been dipping into my car account. In fact, I've pretty much cleaned it out for this trip. I don't really care, though, because I really need to get away for a few days To clear my mind and to get refocused. August 14th 1988.
Speaker 2:Eddie showed up at work today. It was weird because I haven't seen him since I got transferred to this shithole. He kept acting all scared, like someone was watching him. He kept looking over his shoulder and then almost jumped out of his skin when a black sedan squealed through the intersection, almost ran him down before finally speeding off. Of course, half the kids around me saw it, so they were scared too. Whoa, whoa, whoa, don't cry. Nobody got hurt, it's alright. But nonetheless, even though I was surrounded, eddie ran over to me and whispered I've got to talk to you Tonight. It's important, eddie. It's important.
Speaker 2:We made plans to meet at Reed Park by the fountain at eight o'clock, but Eddie never showed up. That's a bad sign. Today he's not at work. I can call him later, but I really have no idea what's going on. That's a real bad sign. It's getting weird. The last thing he said to me was Jakeman's not who you think he is. I had no idea what he was saying, but he looked downright scared. I know things have been tense between us lately, but I hope he's okay. I've never been so scared in my life.
Speaker 1:We're going to be doing our sight, so be sure to keep a low profile on sharing, subscribing and liking Until next time. Co-conspirators, stay alive and spread the word. The Crossing Guard tapes was written and produced by Jim Waters, featuring the voice talent of Tommy Nicolai, pat Waters and Neil Kite, with original music from Pendulum Incorporated. Technical support and marketing courtesy of Jazz Caravan.