Do you find yourself frequently transferring money to your spouse to cover the utilities, gas, or even the mortgage? It might be time to rethink that approach.
On today's episode, we're exploring the intricate world of shared bank accounts in marriage, with insights from our personal journey and practical advice that could redefine your marital and financial dynamics.
We dive headfirst into the fiery debate of joint vs. separate bank accounts in marriage, unmasking the pros and cons of each. We also highlight the stark reality of financial infidelity and the potential discord that separate bank accounts can bring into a marriage. More than just numbers, we shed light on the pivotal role of transparency and accountability in marriage and how intertwined finances can reinforce this bond.
Join us for an insightful discussion that promises to enhance not just your financial union, but your marriage as a whole. No more back-and-forth payments, no more financial secrets - just a shared vision for a stronger marital bond.
Thanks for joining us for your weekly dose of confidently unqualified advice!
Let's keep the conversation going! Connect with us below!
Instagram: www.instagram.com/lifeunmasteredpodcast
Email: lifeunmasteredpodcast@gmail.com
Website: www.lifeunmasteredpodcast.com
Do you find yourself frequently transferring money to your spouse to cover the utilities, gas, or even the mortgage? It might be time to rethink that approach.
On today's episode, we're exploring the intricate world of shared bank accounts in marriage, with insights from our personal journey and practical advice that could redefine your marital and financial dynamics.
We dive headfirst into the fiery debate of joint vs. separate bank accounts in marriage, unmasking the pros and cons of each. We also highlight the stark reality of financial infidelity and the potential discord that separate bank accounts can bring into a marriage. More than just numbers, we shed light on the pivotal role of transparency and accountability in marriage and how intertwined finances can reinforce this bond.
Join us for an insightful discussion that promises to enhance not just your financial union, but your marriage as a whole. No more back-and-forth payments, no more financial secrets - just a shared vision for a stronger marital bond.
Thanks for joining us for your weekly dose of confidently unqualified advice!
Let's keep the conversation going! Connect with us below!
Instagram: www.instagram.com/lifeunmasteredpodcast
Email: lifeunmasteredpodcast@gmail.com
Website: www.lifeunmasteredpodcast.com
What do you think are the top three things that married couples fight about?
Speaker 2:Easy, when to eat dinner, what to watch on TV and finances.
Speaker 1:I don't know about the first two, but definitely finances. Hey, hey, welcome back to Life, unmastered, excited to be back.
Speaker 2:So very excited.
Speaker 1:So this week we're going to be talking about who guessed. Who guessed right Finances, Kind of More specifically shared bank accounts.
Speaker 2:Yeah, actually, that's exactly what we're going to be talking about.
Speaker 1:So I have been selling things on Facebook Marketplace and taking payments via Venmo and, as I was on there the other day, you can see your friend contact list and what they are paying people for. You can't see the amounts, but if they write something in the memo you can see what they're paying for, and sometimes I get curious and I just like was scrolling.
Speaker 2:Snooping.
Speaker 1:And I realized that, or I noticed that there's a lot of our married friends that are sending payments to their spouses for things like utilities and gas, and I even saw one for mortgage, like they're paying each other back for food and dinner and stuff.
Speaker 2:Wait, wait, wait. So you're telling me like it's just totally sending money to each other, Like here's my portion of the mortgage.
Speaker 1:I mean, that's what it looked like. Like. I said I can't see much except for what they're writing in the memo. But it would be like if you and I had our own Venmo accounts and I was, I guess, paying you from my account, my banking account, paying you back for one of the things I listed.
Speaker 2:Oh you have a big IOU coming. That's what I know.
Speaker 1:But it just seemed like such an odd thing to me because I'm like wait a minute, you guys are married. What is happening here? Yeah, we never did that at all. And that might sound judgy, but it's more so, just like it seems like so foreign to me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I remember we were extremely anxious to become one in marriage, like we weren't holding back on anything.
Speaker 1:Yeah, as soon as you proposed, I mean, I instantly set up my email address.
Speaker 2:Cornered the market on that Vandell last name and everything.
Speaker 1:I will say, securing things with my first and last name was incredibly. My new first and last name was incredibly easy.
Speaker 2:You were the first Shawna Vandell ever. I mean, I'm not saying that, but I was the first one who secured that email. That's true.
Speaker 1:But I mean, we did other things too, obviously taking your last name, yep, but we pretty quickly started setting up everything for our joint bank account too.
Speaker 2:Yeah, there was nothing that we were holding back as ours. I mean, we shared everything, the good and the bad.
Speaker 1:Yeah, when we got married, you graciously, without even question, took on the debt that came with me. I married all of you, babe, and you know what's interesting is not until we are prepping for this episode did I even really like think about that. You know, because you I mean, we talked about this, I think, before you didn't really have you were nervous about having a credit card because you didn't want to get into debt.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I was definitely afraid of plastic.
Speaker 1:Right, where I, on the other hand, I loved it.
Speaker 2:You had no problem.
Speaker 1:And so. But like we got married and you just instantly came up with a plan with how are we going to pay this off, and you didn't even question it, and not until you know just recently was like wow. Like you were just like all right, this is something we need to take care of.
Speaker 2:Well, yeah, I mean in Genesis 2.24,. It says therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And we both took that very seriously. We did so. That means the good and the bad, or whatever it may be. If you're meant for me, then that's mine now too.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's in the manual for a reason.
Speaker 2:Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1:So I mean and also think about it we already know that 50% of marriages end in divorce.
Speaker 2:But that means 50% make it.
Speaker 1:That's true, but it's estimated that 20 to 40% of those marriages end due to financial problems.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I think that's not a lack of finances. It's more of stress over spending habits and then fighting over those spending habits.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so it's just like money is such. It's something that you need to live and it becomes something so overwhelming if you're not doing it or spending it correctly, saving all those things.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and what's interesting too is that 20 to 40% that's the second leading cause of divorce, but also 73% of marriages in due to a lack of commitment, which I find ironic, because having separate bank accounts kind of shows a lack of commitment in my eyes.
Speaker 1:I would agree, because you're just kind of hanging on to. You know, this is mine and that's yours. I'll spend my money how I want to. You can spend your money how you want to, and when it comes to the things that we share, I'll then mail you. Oh, I guess, yeah, and I mean like, if you're one of our friends who does this and you're listening, we're not coming for you. This is just something that we thought was interesting because, like we said, all of these stats that we're listening to.
Speaker 2:Seemed to be pointing the opposite direction.
Speaker 1:Right, right. So I think that when you kind of have that hang onto your personal finances, it makes it really easy to hang things over the other one's head, and then you're not just finding about finances, you're finding about who makes more money and who takes care of more things around the house, and you kind of end up dividing everything in life rather than just your money.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's like a dangerous trickle down effect, right, like if you started off with okay, like you said, this is mine, that's yours, then it very easily becomes about like well, I did the dishes, so you vacuum the carpet. Or it could easily like transfer into those other areas of life that it's kind of easier just to be one and get through it together.
Speaker 1:I thought Right if you're keeping score for the most important thing in your marriage.
Speaker 2:Then you're probably gonna keep score on the less important stuff and then nobody wins.
Speaker 1:Exactly, and then it's just like all kinds of stress my goodness words, stress and tension. So when we got married, like we said, we immediately opened a joint banking account. We actually did it prior to getting married.
Speaker 2:Yes, you were very eager to combine all the things.
Speaker 1:I mean that's not fair In a good way, in a good way.
Speaker 2:We were celebrating us becoming one.
Speaker 1:Yeah, this was a decision, obviously, that you and I both made together.
Speaker 2:No, it's not like the ring. We definitely made this one together.
Speaker 1:Don't make it seem like I was coming for your money.
Speaker 2:What little of it there was. Yeah.
Speaker 1:And at that time we were both still working full time, and so we did decide to keep two additional accounts that were separate for our spending money, and that was helpful for money that we were able to spend freely on whatever we wanted, without discussing it with each other. It was a smaller amount, and it was also great because we could buy each other gifts and have there be some secrecy to it still.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but we both had access to those accounts, Like if we wanted to see what was going on in there. Both of us could.
Speaker 1:Right. But we chose not to because we had full trust in each other and we wanted to keep, like I said, that secrecy of if we were buying each other gifts like holidays, birthdays, stuff like that. But at that time we had direct deposit and so that amount in going into those separate accounts was a set amount that you and I agreed on ahead of time and then the rest of our money automatically direct deposited into our joint account. So if there was extra money going into those separate accounts we would both see and know that because you'd be able to see it on our joint account.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so it wasn't like money only went one way and it only went once we got paid and it was that set amount. So it wasn't like why are you pulling extra money into that account to pay for something I can't or I don't immediately see?
Speaker 1:Exactly, and it was nice. You and I, I think, have always talked to each other before we buy anything, especially now, but before it was kind of nice if we were gonna spend you know money on coffee every day. If that's how I wanted to spend that fun money I could, because that was my money to spend and I have to worry about you asking you know why I was buying coffee every day, Wasting so much money every day.
Speaker 1:Right because like that's, and then if that ran out in the middle of the month, then I had to wait till the next month, no more coffee money. Right, and that's actually. You know, that's not how I like to spend my money.
Speaker 3:I like to be able to touch the things that I'm I wanna be able to hold onto them and keep them as long as possible.
Speaker 1:Yes, but eventually I stopped working. Jace came along, so we now we're on a single income and we had a child that we were, you know, supporting. So gone went the fun money.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that was really what I think. Changed was like there just was no more fun money.
Speaker 1:Right and I no longer had a paycheck for the deposit To auto deposit. Right, so there was at that point there was no reason to keep the separate accounts.
Speaker 2:It was too hard to keep track and too like that was one of the things is, as we would budget, I'd be like, well wait, is that like fun money, or is that money that we can spend on diapers or like? And so eventually it was just like we're just everything goes together and everybody sees everything.
Speaker 1:Right and so, and that's really how that was, but we just had these like floating open accounts.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they were like digital envelopes, yeah, so.
Speaker 1:And so we transferred some of them over to savings and we just, I feel like at that point is when you kind of took over all the finances when I had stopped working, and we kind of really fell into this routine of you handling all of the finances and for some reason I was paying some bills and you were paying other bills, and we were confused.
Speaker 2:It was horrible because basically, I think how it ended up working was like I had set up certain accounts that we used like internet and stuff like that, and you had done like utilities, so like if I needed like, oh, the utilities bill is due, you had all the login information which, for whatever reason, took us forever to figure out. Let's just give me the login information and I'll go do that. So I used to be like, hey, we need to pay this instead of just one person handling that.
Speaker 1:Right, and I think too, when we got married, we had some subscriptions that we had set up before we were even together. Yeah, that we carried over Right so it was just like a process of combining all of that and then eventually it was like, okay, why are we making things difficult on ourselves? You're gonna take care of all this and eventually I completely checked out of all things finance.
Speaker 2:It's pretty funny because I remember it's obviously a learning curve for any married couple and for us, because we both were handling in very independent people and handling our finances before we got married. There wasn't so much conflict, but it was more of just like adapting to how each other did their finances and budgeting to make things work. I remember that.
Speaker 1:I don't think you can remember us really ever fighting over money to this point. I think that there was some confusion in how we were paying things. You wanna pay them as soon as the bill comes and I'm just like it's not due till the 15th, why I was.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so like a difference in how we do things Exactly and so for like me, it's like. But it's sitting there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and also too, you would text me and be like hey, can you pay this?
Speaker 2:We had to set all of our due dates on the family calendar ahead Like a week, because I would have to like text multiple times.
Speaker 1:I would be in the middle of whatever. Get your text, see it and completely forget. And, to be fair, anybody who knows me knows I am terrible at texting you back.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:I just, I see it, I'm in the middle of something. I'm like, oh, I'll get back to that, and then I just completely forgot I ever got a text message from you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's so much, it drives me crazy.
Speaker 1:So, anyway, you now do all of our finances, the budgeting, the paying the bills, you know everything that comes out for the kids, school, whatever. And although I have access to all of the bank accounts and all of our credit cards and everything, I never check anything.
Speaker 2:No, and I completely hate when you do, because we have probably twice a week I'm talking to you about finances or what money is going where, what's happening, and you'll check because I'll, you'll, I'll need you to change your password or do something and you'll look like once a month and it's as if we haven't had one conversation. You're like why is this here? What is that money doing there?
Speaker 1:And I'm like but I'm telling you so obviously I fully and completely trust you with the finances. That's why I don't feel the need to check. But if, for whatever reason, I have to go on, I like kind of remember a conversation that you tried to have with me and what I remember doesn't match what I'm seeing on the account, that I like randomly, just like needed to be on, and so then I'm just like asking questions so that I'm informed or I'm kind of confused. But in reality, like you said, you talked to me like two times a week. Let's be real. You're talking to me about this stuff daily.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you're done with finances. You're checked out mentally and emotionally on finances Like I got tell me how many coffees I can buy and then leave me alone.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I got things to do, you know, just like you do you. I trust you. You got this. Just stop talking about it, and so, yes, I don't really, I don't really listen to what you're saying. Yeah, which is fair.
Speaker 2:And actually, you know, we both have those things that we've found through being together for so long that I am better at, and you have things that you are better at, and why try to do everything myself if I have a partner and helper who can do that for me Exactly?
Speaker 1:And just like when I talked to you about certain things, like basically everything that comes out of my mouth and you check out, it's only fair. What. That was good.
Speaker 2:All right, but this just isn't our opinion, because as soon as you told me about the Venmo thing and we decided to do this episode, I had to like do some quick Google in and see if this isn't actually a thing.
Speaker 1:You are the Google master. Well, I.
Speaker 2:Googled one thing and it was the first thing that popped up, but it was a study by a company called Bank Rate and apparently they had some numbers listed there. It was an article, basically along with the study, because it's a commonly Googled question of is it normal to have a joint bank account or separate bank accounts or what have you? So they put out an article with the idea of kind of like answering both sides of that.
Speaker 1:So it's definitely something that people are considering when they're getting married. It's an important thing, and I understand why.
Speaker 2:I just also find it funny that it's like such a popular question to ask Google Like it's going to be, like yes, but it said that 43% of married couples have joint bank accounts only. Okay 34% have a mixed of joint and separate. However, it didn't say whether they have access to that separate account.
Speaker 1:Okay, so the 34% is where we were when we first got married, correct? And the 43% is where we live now.
Speaker 2:Correct and it didn't go into detail about it said they have a joint and a separate. It didn't say necessarily where they keep the majority of their money or what they do, so I don't know what that really means. Okay, but 23% of married couples have completely separate accounts, like no joint account at all.
Speaker 1:That is crazy, that's so wild to me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like that's nuts. That number seems really high.
Speaker 1:It does seem really high. Did you think about, like, when you're married, all of the things that you share as a married couple your bed, making decisions for your children and buying a house and there's a good billion and one decisions that you make together and I feel like you have to financially support all of those decisions? Yeah. That's wild.
Speaker 2:Well, I mean, just take it a step further though. How does that work? Say, you and I are going through our month and you drank a lot of coffee that month and I didn't Do? I just sit there and drink my coffees, giving you the desk there, because I can still afford my coffees, but your bank account is empty. Now, like, how does that work?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't know, because then essentially you're budgeting separately.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's, no, it's, you're budgeting separately.
Speaker 1:So then if you, I wonder how that works. Like do they share their name on the mortgage and on their cars? Like it's all confusing to me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I would imagine, because you both own it.
Speaker 1:But then? So then you have to, it doesn't?
Speaker 2:matter what. They don't care what account they get paid from.
Speaker 1:I know. But if you're making the decision like, okay, we're going to buy a Range Rover, you know you have to make sure that you have enough money to make those payments each month.
Speaker 2:Well, that's my car, your car, like I would just imagine. It just comes out of your account like any other car payment.
Speaker 1:Makes sense yeah.
Speaker 2:Because, like I said, it could be jointly owned. The bank doesn't care where their payment comes from.
Speaker 1:Of course, I was just trying to think through how that process would work. That's where the Venmo comes in?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I guess so. But what's also interesting is a third of married couples admit to committing financial infidelity, which I love that phrase, it sounds so, so bad. So uh, it's very adult.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I can't you know me? I can't think of the word I'm thinking of.
Speaker 2:Which basically means that they're secretly spending more than their spouse would be okay with. Okay.
Speaker 1:Right, which is basically backs up our earlier point of financial problems leading to divorce. Because you're lying to your spouse, yeah, and you're purposely being deceitful. Yeah.
Speaker 2:And I understand, just because you have joint bank accounts doesn't necessarily mean that this is what's going on. But any level of secrecy in a marriage, like even just the veil or even having access to a secret place to hide stuff, leads to temptation.
Speaker 1:Right, and that's why transparency is so important, because it gives you accountability. Yeah. Or requires accountability.
Speaker 2:Well, I mean think about how many hangups there are in marriages with infidelity in general, Like if you have payments coming out of your own private account that you don't have access to, those could be subscriptions to sites that probably aren't good for marriage, whether it's dating apps or certain videos or other things like that.
Speaker 1:Separate phones or business trips? Yeah, Like setting up a burner phone, yeah, and again, having these separate accounts just increases the temptations, but not saying that everybody with a separate account is doing these things, just that it does make it easier to do these things.
Speaker 2:Correct, and that's what we've been taught to do is marriage is hard enough. Why would you even open a door for a complication?
Speaker 1:Right, right, right, and the bigger the temptations, the easier it makes it to be dishonest. Yeah. So does that make sense? What? I guess, I was I understood you.
Speaker 2:We'll have a whole episode on translating that later. Yeah.
Speaker 1:You know God gave me you for a reason because I think you're the only one who can just hear something that I say it doesn't make any sense, but to you it makes sense.
Speaker 2:It didn't even hit me until you mentioned does that make sense? I was like, yep, you're right, it's funny.
Speaker 1:I noticed it the most when your parents are over and it's like I feel like they almost look to you like did you hear what you just said?
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I look at them back like yeah, she's speaking English.
Speaker 1:She's speaking Chinese Anyway.
Speaker 2:Well, so, like I said, look, this article was written to kind of like answer the question for both sides, and I found it very humorous that the article had a chart that listed the pros and the cons for having joint bank accounts and then it also had pros and cons for having separate bank accounts. Okay.
Speaker 2:What I found the most interesting, and the point that I'm going to bring up because it kind of proves me right is under a pro for separate bank accounts, it lists it's easier to get divorced. It makes it less messy because your finances are already separated. Oh my goodness.
Speaker 2:So it's literally saying like who's going through this list? And like that's my point, like if you're going through this list of things and you really had a question about this and you're like, oh well, it'll be easier to get divorced down the road, then there are bigger problems than your bank account.
Speaker 1:Exactly. Yeah, If you're starting your marriage I mean, I get that there's some people, especially in Hollywood, because you know how many of those marriages actually last but if you're like planning your marriage in possibility of like getting divorced, I mean Sounds like a lack of commitment.
Speaker 2:Yeah Well, I just I laugh at this because I think that, like in my own scenario, when I read that I find it funny like somebody being outraged that like I asked you to sign a prenup and the same point you're gonna be like but I want my own bank account, like, wait what?
Speaker 1:Right right.
Speaker 2:But that was just a completely made up scenario, so so I'm kind of.
Speaker 1:I am kind of nervous for our friends, who we know have separate bank accounts, to hear this, and I just don't want them to feel like we're attacking them.
Speaker 2:Well, I can't cause I don't have Venmo, so I don't know who they are.
Speaker 1:That's true. I do know who they are when I'm mentioning them, but it would actually be interesting, you know, if they feel like they wanna bring it up to us to kind of hear their input and why they have decided to do things this way. But like look we're, we know we're not financial experts, we're definitely, we're not even marriage experts.
Speaker 2:And this is not financial advice or marriage advice.
Speaker 1:Right, but when you look at the facts, it seems that doing something small like joining your money can potentially prevent a problem, or many problems, before they even start.
Speaker 2:And like everything else I think in marriage it comes down to communication, Like you just have to talk these things out and be honest with each other, and it's a lot easier to trust what you're being told when you can actually look at it and be like yep, that's how much money we have.
Speaker 1:Yeah, exactly, and I just feel like you get a natural comfort of knowing that your spouse is, you know, being faithful and you've got that open communication and commitment because you know you have access to everything that they're spending.
Speaker 2:Yeah, which is the best. I love that you get to access stuff for me, because I'm gonna go look it up yourself. I don't know, okay.
Speaker 1:Yeah right, you're just like. I'll be like how much you know? Whatever, you'll give me the amount of it $19.79. To the penny You're a crazy person.
Speaker 2:Oh well, I have to adjust for your girl math. You'll buy something for $18.99. Then tell me it was $18. Like no, that's $19.
Speaker 1:Just the other day we were at Costco and I'm like, babe, this is only $5. You're like, you know, that says $5.99, right, yeah, it blows me away. There's a reason that they put that $5.99, because there's plenty of people like me who just see $5.
Speaker 2:Yep, that's a different episode.
Speaker 1:So, anyway, we are more than curious about how you guys handle your finances within your marriage. Do you have joint account? Only separate accounts? What are your reasons for it? If you wanna send us an email to lifeunmasteredpodcast at gmailcom, we would love to hear from you. If you're not already subscribed to our podcast, Life Unmastered, please subscribe for more judgments we're here, to dish them out weekly, and you can also visit us on Instagram at lifeunmasteredpodcast. But until next week, bye. Bye, bye, outro MUSIC.