Today we're diving into the world of adult friendships, exploring the ways we've evolved in our friend-making approach from our childhood days to now. It's not just about common interests and being neighbors anymore, there's much more at work. And as we change and grow, our interests and lifestyles transform and this can have a profound impact on our friendships. And let's not forget our partners, who often play a pivotal role in our adult friendships.
Join us as we explore the evolution of friendships from childhood to adulthood, debate the dynamics of adult friendships, navigate the complexities of making new friends as adults, and more!
Thanks for joining us for your weekly dose of confidently unqualified advice!
Let's keep the conversation going! Connect with us below!
Instagram: www.instagram.com/lifeunmasteredpodcast
Email: lifeunmasteredpodcast@gmail.com
Website: www.lifeunmasteredpodcast.com
Today we're diving into the world of adult friendships, exploring the ways we've evolved in our friend-making approach from our childhood days to now. It's not just about common interests and being neighbors anymore, there's much more at work. And as we change and grow, our interests and lifestyles transform and this can have a profound impact on our friendships. And let's not forget our partners, who often play a pivotal role in our adult friendships.
Join us as we explore the evolution of friendships from childhood to adulthood, debate the dynamics of adult friendships, navigate the complexities of making new friends as adults, and more!
Thanks for joining us for your weekly dose of confidently unqualified advice!
Let's keep the conversation going! Connect with us below!
Instagram: www.instagram.com/lifeunmasteredpodcast
Email: lifeunmasteredpodcast@gmail.com
Website: www.lifeunmasteredpodcast.com
I heard something incredibly profound on the internet the other day.
Speaker 2:Well, if it came from the internet, I can't wait to hear it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it was absolutely true. It described basically friendship as an adult is making plans with somebody, canceling those plans, not seeing them again for six months and being totally okay with it.
Speaker 2:Hey, hey, welcome back to Life Unmastered. Have you considered what it's like making friends as an adult?
Speaker 1:I mean, I haven't given it much thought, but okay.
Speaker 2:I feel like there's a lot more that goes into it now than there used to be. Think about it when you were a kid and you were making friends, you didn't really just put anything any thought into it. You're just like you go to my school, you're my neighbor, let's be friends. Or I like your toys, let's be friends.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I noticed that a lot with our kids too. They just walk up to a random group of kids and they're best friends because they like their ball.
Speaker 2:Right, or my parents had friends and their friends had kids, and so now we're friends. My cousins were my friends.
Speaker 1:Yeah, or we go to the same church Exactly.
Speaker 2:And then you get into junior high, high school age and you add in that popularity factor so you're like, okay, I'm cool, you're cool, let's be friends.
Speaker 1:Let's be cool together.
Speaker 2:Yeah, or sports, okay, we're on the cheer squad together, so we're friends. Or even as you start dating, you've got your boyfriend's best friend.
Speaker 1:And you have to get along with them, otherwise your boyfriend's going to leave you.
Speaker 2:Exactly, and then you move on to college and that early adulthood timeframe and you've what college you're going to you're going to make friends there and then, even more than that, what's your major? So the people in those classes, fraternities.
Speaker 1:Who you hang out with.
Speaker 2:Yeah exactly, and then you get kind of pass that into like marriage parenting phase.
Speaker 1:Okay, right.
Speaker 2:And then I feel like you want to be friends with other married couples and then, once you start having kids, you want to be friends with other couples that have kids.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because then you have like shared interests and stuff.
Speaker 2:Right. And then there's also like you know you, you move into those new people in your neighborhood and you know all those things. Yeah, there's like an evolution to making friends, but the further into adulthood that you get, the more difficult it becomes.
Speaker 1:I feel like which is silly, because all of those phases all revolve around the same categories. You're making friends the exact same way, you're just putting more emphasis and like making it more complex than it has to be.
Speaker 2:What exact same ways.
Speaker 1:So I mean, if you think about it, all of those stages involve vicinity, your common interests, and then acquaintances, like knowing somebody who introduces you to somebody else. So you either go to the same school there's vicinity I like your toys, whether that's a ball, a lawn mower, a cool car as an adult and then your parents' friends think about that Like you played with your parents' friends. So, as you now have kids, your kids are going to play with the kids of our friends.
Speaker 2:That's true. So that is, I agree with you. Those are all the same, but those three categories. There's a lot more like the importance to those as you get older.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, I mean, it's a lot harder to be friends with somebody that doesn't like live near you.
Speaker 2:Right, or you know your interests narrow. Maybe yeah, and I think too, as an adult you don't have that same level of fearlessness. You know there's all those insecurities or whatever that you just develop over time. And so, walking up to somebody like I, like you, let's be friends.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's not normal.
Speaker 2:No, don't do that. But you can get away with that as a kid and you just can't as an adult.
Speaker 1:But to be fair, when we were building our house, I'm pretty sure we were looking at our house when one of our neighbors pulled up behind us and just yelled out are you my neighbor? And we became friends.
Speaker 2:That's true, that is very true. But I still feel like you know, and I will come home and tell you like, hey, I met this person today. I'm like I wanna be her friend.
Speaker 1:You do, you're so excited and you know instantly.
Speaker 2:And we do become friends.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, definitely.
Speaker 2:Because you just like I feel like it's kind of normal, like you're like I like the way that she dressed or you know she was so funny when she was talking or she was just seemed like sometimes it's not always like a word, similar, so I wanna be friends. I see characteristics in that person that I'm like that's really cool, or like I like the way that you handled that and I'm like so you choose your friends as an adult the same way you did in high school, is what you're saying.
Speaker 1:I like the way you dress and you're really cool and we can like totally hang out.
Speaker 2:I mean I just like picked two things that were easy off the top of my head.
Speaker 1:We know what you did.
Speaker 2:You know, I don't know, maybe it's because I don't dress cool, so I'm like I wanna be friends with you, although in high school, you know, it was very common to share clothes with your friends At least it was for us girls and so, even though that's totally not normal in adulthood, maybe my brain is still in that area. I don't know.
Speaker 1:I have whatever that works for me. Nobody was like trying to share my clothes, that's for sure.
Speaker 2:Yeah, boys didn't do that. That'd be weird. So do you feel like through that process of you know growing throughout the years, that it's possible to keep friends that you've had since preschool, or do you think that we always outgrow those relationships?
Speaker 1:I mean, preschool is gonna be pretty hard, right? Most people in their life are gonna knock these out, like they're not gonna be in the same vicinity by the time they're adults, like there's a good chance you're gonna move away or they're gonna move away, and preschools are pretty small. So even if you just move like a town over, you're probably going to a different high school or something at that point. That's true. Also, if you have the same interests or share common interests with a person all the way from preschool through adulthood, I feel like there's no growth there.
Speaker 2:Well, I mean you're.
Speaker 1:It doesn't have to be the same blocks, but you know like eventually one of you is gonna have to like blue when the other one likes red.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I do hear people who are like we've been friends since preschool. I'm like that is so cool.
Speaker 1:I'm like that is a lie.
Speaker 2:You were not, I guess, if you're like really close family friends. But yeah, I get what you're saying.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so I mean at that point, first, one and two probably have to both stay the same, like you have to live in the same vicinity during your entire life, and actually if you're in a small town or something like that and you did live with each other your entire life, then yeah, I could see you still having the shared interest thing.
Speaker 2:Okay, so maybe preschool is obvious. It can happen, but it's not typical. But what about staying friends with people from high school?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think it can happen. It's probably not very common, or at least I would imagine that it's not as many friends from high school that you would think Like. If you have one or two that you knew in high school, you probably have some solid relationships there, but that's about all you could hope for.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, I think that it's you do a lot of changing between 16 to 26, even from 25 to 35, you just we're always constantly growing. But I think at some point with some friendships, you've been friends for so long that you're just like really putting in the work then to be friends with them, which is totally cool. But I feel like I remember when we graduated high school, I had this really close group of friends and I was convinced with everything inside of me that we were gonna be friends forever. I truly believed it and I loved these people. They just had so much fun with them. I loved high school.
Speaker 1:I know I could totally picture young Shauna arguing with like your parents who were like Shauna. You're not gonna know them forever.
Speaker 2:And you're like you don't know and it dissolved. I mean that group dissolved pretty quick.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like that's what happens. I mean, but it's not your fault. I'm sure you had a senior yearbook with friends forever and like love you forever and all that sort of stuff and you believed it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, maybe I mean yeah, but I think it's more just so that you spent four years with a group of people and you gained so much independence through high school, right, so you're going to movies now and you can drive, and it's different than the friendships that you form in those early years, and so I was just like this is it, these are my people for life, and it was so sad.
Speaker 1:Well, it's funny cause you don't really think about it. But think about like, if you really remember back going from well for me like I had a separate junior high and high school, so like the world size going from junior high to high school is like so massive right, but then going from like high school into the actual world, like yeah, you're definitely gonna meet new people, do new things, like it's just you can't keep it in touch. It's almost impossible.
Speaker 2:Except for you. Your friends with quite a few people from high school.
Speaker 1:But even that's kind of unique. So not only am I still good friends with somebody who I went to junior high with and all the way through high school, but we also moved states together and happened to live 20 minutes apart from each other, which is weird, but also I have a friend who I'm close with that I was not friends with high school and we did not get along at all, and he ended up being in our wedding.
Speaker 2:Does that count then, though, cause you weren't friends in high school?
Speaker 1:I mean we had two of the three. We were in the same vicinity, we had all the same interests. We just didn't have a common acquaintance that we both liked.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I do think it's, and even you know there's some people, even that you work with, that you, you know, are still friends with that you go for high school, and that's just like crazy to me. And also we should define really quick what a friend is. So I mean, well, if you're friends with them on social media, that doesn't count.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like I'm talking about, like actively invested in someone's life.
Speaker 2:Right, because I feel like friendships back in the day are defined differently than they are now, cause you're like, oh yeah, I'm friends with that person and really you just like see whatever they post randomly and that's like-.
Speaker 1:They went on vacation that month ago. Yeah, that doesn't count.
Speaker 2:Like, do you speak with them regularly? I have, I don't. I mean, gosh, I don't know if I have that many friends from high school. I mean I get getting there more acquaintances now but I do have, like my friend Kristen. We're so really close. We live in different states but we talk regularly. Yeah, I wish she lived closer, that would be amazing. But I think that it's just hard when life moves on and you've got all the you know different things happening and I really got time for you, I know, I know.
Speaker 1:I know, I know, I know Well, I mean as an adult now, since we can't keep all of those friendships that we wanted to from high school, do you think it's harder to make new friends?
Speaker 2:no-transcript. That were just busier. Time seems to be fleeting always.
Speaker 1:Yeah, never enough.
Speaker 2:time in the day, never enough time to get the things done that you need to get done, and I feel like this is something I complain about all the time. I don't mean to complain about it, I just feel like it's just like a fact of life. Like the kids, you've got pickup and drop off in bedtime, and bedtime and dinner and gotta keep up on the house and you've got work, and like the list goes on and on. I feel like everybody can relate to this, and so when you get free time at the end of the night, it's like very common. I think that a lot of parents do this. They get to the end of the day and they stay up way later than they should because they just are craving that time to themselves where they don't have anything else to do.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's like party time. The kids are in bed. I know it's eight, I gotta wake up at five, but I'm just gonna stay up till midnight anyways, Right.
Speaker 2:And so I think that aligns with I've got free time. Do I really wanna go out, get ready and drive somewhere and hang out and then whatever? Sometimes I wanna do that, but most of the time I just wanna just veg.
Speaker 1:Yeah and I think a couple of things with that. Like obviously you could go out with your girlfriends by yourself, but like when the kids are home sleeping we can't just go out.
Speaker 2:Right, of course Makes sense, but one of us could.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but I feel like I'm at the stage of my life where, if we hang out with somebody once a month, like we did, it, we're social Right. Like we can commit to like one Friday night or Saturday night a month that doesn't just throw the next three weeks into chaos because we missed something on the schedule.
Speaker 2:But also, too. Planning something with our friends is difficult because their kids have sports and they've got work events and it's just like between all like our schedules, finding a single day that works. And then how many times do we schedule something? And then one of the kids, our kids or their kids get sick, and then we have to cancel. Yep, so that's funny. Like, what you mentioned in the beginning is very accurate.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and the other thing that I just like realized is none of our friends really work regular nine to five jobs Like there's like nurses, data entry at all odd hours and like so if that doesn't line up like it makes it even harder.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's true, I didn't even think about that. And also, too, I mean it does make it easier when we have holidays, birthdays and stuff that we're celebrating.
Speaker 1:You appreciate those so much more as an adult. Like cause, it counts as a social event.
Speaker 2:Well, it is a social event.
Speaker 1:Well, I know, you just combine it. But it's like, hey, I don't have to go out of the way to like schedule something Like there's already time on the calendar allotted towards being social.
Speaker 2:So that counts as your once a month. Yeah, that's a once a month. Third, that works for me anyways, cause it takes a lot of anatomy to plan a birthday party. But also, too, you and I were very much introverts, which is funny, cause that's definitely not my personality growing up.
Speaker 1:I changed you.
Speaker 2:You did. Yeah, but we kind of have to force ourselves to be social and we're not always good about that.
Speaker 1:Yeah well, I find it hard and I probably use this as an excuse cause it sounds good. But I'm gonna let my secret out here. I talk on the phone all day to customers, like that's it's all day, nonstop talking to customers. The last thing I want to do usually on a weekend is let's go be social and talk to more people. It just sounds so hard.
Speaker 2:But I will say every time this is very much you is we have something planned and you are not looking forward to it. And then as soon as we get there and are in the middle of it and by the end of the night you're like that was fun, I'm glad we did it, yeah.
Speaker 1:I'm a social butterfly. I just want to stay in my cocoon.
Speaker 2:They're so, so dramatic. So, you know, take those, those three factors that we've talked about, and you know they just become so much more important. You know, we mentioned this earlier. We start to put more value on the things that are important to us, because we don't really have time to waste hanging out with people that don't bring us joy or that we don't get along with.
Speaker 1:I think this works twofold Like one to your point. We feel like we have so little time in the day or in the week to do these sort of things, but also if you want to get deeper with it. The older you get, the more aware of like you're getting older. You only have so much time. Do I really want to waste it with people that annoy me?
Speaker 2:Yes, oh, why do I keep hanging out with you?
Speaker 1:By law.
Speaker 2:But I will say I feel like there's sometimes where like a new friendship just kind of like falls into our lap, like, like you mentioned, with our new neighbors. Right, they pulled up right behind us.
Speaker 2:They were checking out our dirt while we were checking out our dirt and we're like, hey, let's be friends, right. But we had dinner for the first time the other night with a new friends. We serve with them at church on Sundays, and then the kids are at a new school this year and I saw her in the hallway standing in a classroom and she works at the school.
Speaker 1:Which is so weird.
Speaker 2:And then, like two days later, we're walking in the neighborhood on the walk that we do almost every night, and we see them in the backyard of their house and we're like, okay, church, school and neighborhood it's all three.
Speaker 1:And it is all three Yep. We got vicinity, we got acquaintance and we have interests, and so I was like I told her I saw her the next day.
Speaker 2:I'm like, okay, that's it. We're meant to be friends. Let's get together for dinner, yep.
Speaker 1:It's like oh got new best friends.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and so we joked about not being not doing that, but I actually did do that. I'm like, I feel like this is meant to be yeah.
Speaker 1:Let's make this happen. I mean, sometimes it's so obvious that you just have to give it a shot.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's true, but I feel like you know, for me there's so much that goes into it now and some of them are being frowned at or kannatat like it, but I'm looking forward to seeing what else we can work on. For example, our kids have to be the same age and have to get along.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And we have to get along with the parents too, and not even just me and the wife, but I need you to get along with the husband and there's all these other things that we have to worry about. Like this is gonna make me sound bad, maybe, but like some of the kids' friends I'll see they've got like snot running down their face constantly and I'm just like I don't know if I really want you guys to be hanging out Like I just I don't want my kids sick all the time.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's where you're going with it. I thought you were gonna tell them that their kids or their parents obviously aren't the cool kids and so there's no reason to hang out with them.
Speaker 2:No, I just don't want my kids being sick. I think it's sick enough as it is. If, like, I'll see these kids with their parents and there's like snot running down the nose and I'm just like why aren't you wiping your?
Speaker 1:kids nose. If you're not wiping your kids nose in public in this situation, you aren't doing it at home.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we can't be friends and you know, judge me all you want, but I just don't want. My kids are second to fifth as it is. So those are things that I take into consideration when I consider if I wanna hang out with somebody.
Speaker 1:I am amazed that you were able to take all that into consideration in like seconds. Like you know instantly, like women crack me up, because for me it doesn't matter the situation. I literally could be like you introduced me to somebody. It's like do you like to fish? Do you like video games? Like I am not concerned about anything else.
Speaker 2:I mean, yeah, if you think about it too, if, like, there's people who you know they might be great, wonderful, fun people, but what if they make like millions of dollars a year? And then there's us, like, as great as you are, we're probably not gonna work as friends because you are gonna be, you know, vacationing in Italy every year on a yacht and we don't take vacations.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Do you know what I mean? So, like there are certain things that you have to consider, that when you're five you know don't matter.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you can share balls and toys. It's a lot harder to share vacations in Italy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, unless they're paying, then I'm down, let's go, I'm good, you know. But yeah, there's just like things that you need to talk about, you know. Consider, I'm making myself sound horrible at whatever you know. Welcome to Life and Master. We're real and honest here.
Speaker 1:Judgments are free yeah.
Speaker 2:I guess. But also when I make a friend on my own, I consider you know what their husband is like, and I'm like, hey, you know, I think your husband sounds a lot like my husband.
Speaker 1:I cannot tell you how many times I've heard this and it is like it's not frustrating, but I just wanna know how the process actually works Like do you even get past? Oh, I'm married before you're like. My husband would be your husband's best friend.
Speaker 2:I mean, yeah, it's just like they're talking about their husband, cause, just like I talk about you, you know what else do we have to talk about? Right, Just my husband and my kids. And so they'll be talking about something and be like oh, my husband does that, or he just went there, or he loves you that, or, yeah, he doesn't pick up his socks either. You know, I'm just kidding and I'm like I think our husbands will get along like let's get together.
Speaker 1:It has to be like the bane of every husband's existence, is like the mandate.
Speaker 2:I think, too, part of it is the mandate. I think part of it is that it's easier when we can get together in a group rather than me having to sort out, you know, leaving the house and going to hang out one-on-one, although I think that those relationships are great.
Speaker 1:Well, I agree with that, but my thing is, I don't know if you've ever set up a mandate or like we were gonna hang out with somebody and I've been like we can't hang out with them, I don't like their husband. Women are naturally gonna put more emphasis on this, like, oh, you have to get along and everything has to be perfect for us, and like men are just gonna show up and be cordial with each other because it's why would you make a big stink about something?
Speaker 2:Well, of course you wouldn't do that while they're there. That'd be rude. Also too, I think nobody come out me for this I think women are just more judgy.
Speaker 1:But oh, don't worry, by the end of this episode, they're well aware.
Speaker 2:I am, yeah, I'm not hiding anything am I. But I also too think. I think that most men not all men, but most men are just kind of like go with the flow, do whatever, like happy wife, happy life, all that jazz. But I think too, like you're just like you know, you like beer me too. You like to fish me too.
Speaker 1:We're very simple.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and we're just a little bit more particular about certain things, and that is a pleasant way to put that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that seems to be my word, yeah so basically, whether you're a kid or an adult, you just gotta follow those same three rules to making friends.
Speaker 2:Well, real quick but yes. Do you ever consider setting me up on a date?
Speaker 1:Never, not once.
Speaker 2:Like you don't ever meet a guy like at your Bible study group, and you're like hey, I really like you, it'd be fun to hang out. I wonder if our wives would get along.
Speaker 1:Well, sure, like the discussion was brought up and it's immediately shot down because it's well known in the Bible study group that we tried that once. It didn't work. The wives are just too different If you wanna change the topic of this episode? We can, but I think everyone gets why it doesn't work.
Speaker 2:Okay, I guess that makes sense. I'll just stick to the mandates, then.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I'm shooting 100.
Speaker 1:It's just not an expression. I know what you were trying to say. I'm pretty sure you were trying to say I'm batting a thousand.
Speaker 2:I was so close.
Speaker 1:So, anyways, moral of the story basically is making friends as an adult is exactly the same as when you were a little kid.
Speaker 2:I mean it's more complicated.
Speaker 1:It's more complicated because wives are involved.
Speaker 2:Okay, fair, all right, we wanna hear all of your friendship stories. Are you still friends with people from preschool? Are you still friends with your friends from high school? Do you have no friends at all? Is your husband just your best friend? How do you make friends? All that, goodness? Reach out to us on Instagram, at Life and Mastered Podcast. Feel free to shoot us an email at lifeandmasteredpodcast at gmailcom, but until next week, bye, emovi fiddle Wei Wei Wei Weiρη. Wé wé wé mę lunar treadem.