The Battlefield Of The Mind
106. Speaking Our Truth On Psychology with Clint Callahan
Ever feel like you're marching through a mindfield, where every step could betray the real you underneath? That's the battleground we explore with Clint Callahan, therapist and life coach, setting aside the mirage forged by social media to confront the raw, often uncomfortable truth of our lives. We're pulling back the curtain on the 'living your best life' trend to reveal how it warps our reality, and Clint shares his wisdom on why our thirst for authenticity might just stem from a fear of personal exposure.
This conversation goes deep into the heart of our relationships, scrutinizing how we balance the delicate act of sharing truth without casting judgment. Ever noticed how a simple change in tone can turn a comment into a loaded judgment? We break down these subtleties and discuss how men and women's differing communication styles can lead to friction, highlighting the evolutionary roots of these linguistic divides. It's an earnest exploration that doesn't shy away from challenging gender norms and confronting the societal pressures that suffocate both men and women.
But it doesn't end there. Clint and I take you through the labyrinth of self-reflection and radical acceptance—calling out the ways we deceive ourselves and others. We're not just talking; we're asking the tough questions about how to navigate the tightrope of truth in a digital age. The episode culminates with an invitation to join a community unafraid to embrace its vulnerabilities, urging us all towards a life of profound impact. This is your chance to be part of a conversation that dares to dismantle the facades and live authentically.
Connect with Clint Callahan
Click the HERE to choose your path!
Click HERE to choose your path!
Book a one-on-one with Rick Yee
Click HERE to schedule a free 30-minute consultation if you'd like support to take the right step towards the great life you deserve.
Join our Discord community for FREE, MEN click here ----- WOMEN click here
⭐Thank you for listening to our podcast! We would greatly appreciate it if you could take a moment to give us a 5-star review. Your support helps us reach more listeners and continue to bring you high-quality content. Thank you!
Ever feel like you're marching through a mindfield, where every step could betray the real you underneath? That's the battleground we explore with Clint Callahan, therapist and life coach, setting aside the mirage forged by social media to confront the raw, often uncomfortable truth of our lives. We're pulling back the curtain on the 'living your best life' trend to reveal how it warps our reality, and Clint shares his wisdom on why our thirst for authenticity might just stem from a fear of personal exposure.
This conversation goes deep into the heart of our relationships, scrutinizing how we balance the delicate act of sharing truth without casting judgment. Ever noticed how a simple change in tone can turn a comment into a loaded judgment? We break down these subtleties and discuss how men and women's differing communication styles can lead to friction, highlighting the evolutionary roots of these linguistic divides. It's an earnest exploration that doesn't shy away from challenging gender norms and confronting the societal pressures that suffocate both men and women.
But it doesn't end there. Clint and I take you through the labyrinth of self-reflection and radical acceptance—calling out the ways we deceive ourselves and others. We're not just talking; we're asking the tough questions about how to navigate the tightrope of truth in a digital age. The episode culminates with an invitation to join a community unafraid to embrace its vulnerabilities, urging us all towards a life of profound impact. This is your chance to be part of a conversation that dares to dismantle the facades and live authentically.
Connect with Clint Callahan
Click the HERE to choose your path!
Click HERE to choose your path!
Book a one-on-one with Rick Yee
Click HERE to schedule a free 30-minute consultation if you'd like support to take the right step towards the great life you deserve.
Join our Discord community for FREE, MEN click here ----- WOMEN click here
⭐Thank you for listening to our podcast! We would greatly appreciate it if you could take a moment to give us a 5-star review. Your support helps us reach more listeners and continue to bring you high-quality content. Thank you!
Welcome back to the battlefield of the mind. My name is Rick. We're the Warrior's Way mindset. Author of everything's a choice. I'm back again. Episode three together, clint Callahan. We get to hang out again, clint, just in case they missed the other two episodes, because we're just going to roll and hang together. Tell them what you do again and then let's be us.
Speaker 2:Yeah, my name is Clint Callahan. I am a therapist, I'm a life coach, I'm an author. I'm someone who just wants people to get over their shit and move on with it and figure out their life and realize that everything is made up and just give yourself some grace.
Speaker 1:For sure. I always love some of the terms. How about some things? I got questions for you. What are some memes that people throw around there that you're like don't fall for the meme, it's bullshit. What are some ones that, like live in my best life is what it is Like? Some of the ones are like that's not right. Wait a second. You got any pet peeve? You?
Speaker 2:The thing, the thing always just pet peeves me most just about social media is the thing I like is I like it when it's real, when it's just, when someone drops the camera in the middle of their thing and picks it up and just keeps going because that's the thing. Right, most social media, when you really look at it, is super. It is super curated. It is the one percent of the one percent that they try to put out because they don't want you to know that they're human. But the problem is the thing that works the best is when people know that you're a human being.
Speaker 2:We all make mistakes, we all fuck up, we all try to make it up as we go along and we fail and we succeed in everything in between. And the more that we recognize these things, the more we can take a step back. We can actually start seeing what reality is, instead of this manufactured stuff that the news wants us to believe, that society wants us to believe. We need to figure out what our reality is so we can have our best life, because hashtag living your best life you're usually not, because if you look at the other side of that, it's probably 17 hours and 7500 photos to get that one perfect photo. And is that your best life? Really? You're in a beautiful location. You're going to spend the next 17 hours working on that one photo.
Speaker 1:Hashtag, fake as fuck, all right. So here we are. We're doing a, trying to show that the reality is better than the reality. We're trying to have professional reality. Yeah, irony in that, you're not wrong, it's bananas If you think about it.
Speaker 1:It's an interesting time right now. I was, I had Vram on the show and he was talking about the interesting time that we're in right now because of the writer strike, a I all these different things that are going on, and the last time there was a writer strike was the reality TV boom and it seemed like people were so used to watching curated shows, narrated things that go a certain direction, tell the story, and people were starting to lean in towards the reality TV world and it blew up doing it like 2006 blew up. You know, that's when the writers went on strike, and now there's a new genre that comes up. We're in that. Right now there's a writer strike and they're trying to say you can't do this, can't do that, and it's leaving the opportunity now for multiple platforms like this to give me some real shit. Now this is where everyone's trying to be as professionally authentic as possible. That's the irony of today's day and age. You're trying to have the best production of Wayne's world we can do.
Speaker 2:Yes, when it's supposed to be in the basement.
Speaker 1:But it's supposed to be the real show, professionally done, just like we are now.
Speaker 2:Exactly Just like Wayne's world. Right, it's just like the movie Wayne's world. When it showed this is where they went from the basement to the show and you look at it and it's like that is not the same show. But at the set the heart is trying to be the same, but it doesn't feel the same, doesn't look the same, doesn't taste the same. All the stuff it's not the same. And that's the thing we know. We are instinctively wired to know fake, because fake used to kill us. If someone wanted in and they were fake, they were an enemy. That's the way it was for 300,000 plus years, still is to this day a lot of parts of the world. But we don't look at that anymore. We now desperately want to believe the fake, because then maybe we can get there someday too, because we're so afraid of what's coming or what may not come that we want everything. But yet we're not willing to work for it anymore. And that's the big change.
Speaker 1:That's happened, maybe. So I'm going to maybe spin it the other way. I wonder if the reason people are so interested in authenticity is because we're afraid of our own real Like. Maybe it's because I love to watch somebody else have the courage to admit their own faults, because I don't have the courage to do mine. Maybe it's going to be the awareness for myself that if this guy can be real, he can be really him, without apology, without explanation, without justification. Maybe there's hope for me not to live behind the mask that I pretend to be. Maybe the persona that I project to you, or the things that I push down and I I suppress, doesn't have to be like that. Maybe I don't have to be as afraid of the things that I am like.
Speaker 1:Authenticity, accountability. You know the feelings that's called what is fellas Like whenever I talk to the baddest dudes. I talk to the seals and the UFC fighters and the strong men, and the scariest fight is always your own feelings. They're like I'll punch a bear in the face, but I don't want to talk about my sadness.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't want to talk about what happened with my parents or with my dad or with myself, or the time when or when you're, my addiction problems or my fears or any of these, or even my hopes or my dreams, because if I do that now, I have to do something about it. And that's the thing is we, as human beings, when we turn and face our fear, we then can't not see it and we can't not do something about it, which is why we try so hard to run the hell away from it. Because turning around and facing your fears is the ultimate fight. Figuring out who you are and figuring out who you want to be and then doing everything you can to become that version of yourself Is the fight of your life. That is what your life is for. But that's what most of us are so afraid to do.
Speaker 2:Because what if I'm wrong? Well, I've been wrong hundreds of thousands of times. I'm still here. I haven't fallen off a cliff, I haven't died. Everything in my body, all the ancient genes in me, said yeah, this is going to kill you, not dead. Yet. I've been doing this for 47 years.
Speaker 2:I've seen all kinds of bad stuff Did you say being wrong. I've watched all kinds of bad things.
Speaker 1:Did you say being wrong doesn't kill you? No, being wrong doesn't kill you. Wait, no, hold on. Let me say it again. Did you say being wrong doesn't kill you? Being?
Speaker 2:wrong does not kill you, holy shit.
Speaker 1:I know a lot of people who will fight to the death to be right. Oh yeah, huh, they will.
Speaker 2:Because being right actually could kill you. It could kill your relationship, it could kill your friendships, it could kill all kinds of things, because when you're right, you dig in. When you're right, you can't see anything different. When you write, you won't look at anybody else's point of view. That's when you know that you're wrong, because if you can't see anybody else's point of view. That's when you know you're wrong.
Speaker 1:I think I had a training one time where it ended up being the ending was very similar If you're even arguing to be right, you were wrong before you started. Yeah, because odds are, if I have to convince you that I am right, even if I am right, it's going to ruin the relationship anyways, because I'm like see, clint, you're fucking idiot. I'm right, you're wrong, suck it and you're going to be like you know what? I'm not even finishing this fight, thanks man, I got to go.
Speaker 2:I got to go this way. Even if you are right, I don't want to hang with you anymore.
Speaker 1:We're not cool because I fine, you're right, but you lost the friendship Like, and so was it really worth being right over, like something trivial.
Speaker 2:I mean, it's one of the most common things that I ask people when I see them, for couples, counseling for any kind of couple stuff is do you want to? You know, do you want to be right or do you want to be married? Because that's the most common thing that gets people into big trouble in any kind of relationship, but especially in romantic relationships, is you dig in because you need to be right, because you have something to prove, and really there's nothing to prove because everything is made up. I don't know how many times I can tell people this this is all made up. All the words we're using, somebody made up, all the way we feel about things, all the way society looks at things. It's all made up. And that's the stuff that we need to remember. If we can remember that everything is made up, then that means there is no truth with a capital T, and that's the thing that we always think we are fighting for. Is this truth with a capital T? But if it doesn't exist, then what are you fighting for?
Speaker 1:I think I'm going to just going to put it out there. What you just said is correct and, if I have my, my intuition or instinct right, what you just said flew over 98% of people's heads. There is no truth, and the truth is not what the truth really is for you. Our truth, my truth, is not the truth.
Speaker 1:It's just a perception of the truth. It's just a point of view, and this is something where I do believe I want to hear more about these couples, the couples that you're working with. Like truth, it cannot be subjective, it's, it's. It's what it is, clint, it is, it is. That is what. What I see is what it is, and you cannot tell me otherwise.
Speaker 2:Yes, I can't tell you otherwise, but I can help, hopefully help show you a different way to look at things. Because that's the thing If I try to tell you otherwise, you're not going to hear me, because you are firmly thinking, 80% neck down. You're thinking with your body, you're not thinking with your brain. And if you're thinking with your body, your body has one specific goal to keep you alive. Your body is always in survival mode and if your body is always in survival mode, it can't hear anything.
Speaker 2:But you're doing something that is scaring me so much that I think it's going to damage or kill or hurt a part of me that is sacred and I can't have that. So I will fight to the death for this thing that my body says I must believe, because if I let it go, then that means I have to go through grief, because that means the idea that I have is going to die. Because it cannot, it can't withstand scrutiny Most of the stuff that we have, that we hold dear for you really scrutinize it. It can't stand withstand scrutiny because it's built paper, thin, paper thin.
Speaker 1:Hmm, so scrutiny may be part of the thing, cause, listen, I don't know if the body thing all lies, because these hips don't lie. That's what I know. Shakira told me these hips don't lie. So, all right, the scrutiny of things. This is now. I need help though, just so I can make sure we go down this path with authenticity, with, with clarity, scrutiny Is it truth or judgment? I got to make sure what it is before I start going this way.
Speaker 2:That is a really good question. It depends on who's doing the scrutiny, because when you're scrutinizing others, you're judging people, but when you're scrutinizing yourself, it's when you're searching for the truth.
Speaker 1:Hmm, are you sure there's no judgments when I scrutinize myself?
Speaker 2:Well, I'm sure there's probably some judgment mixed in there too, but hopefully it's more truth and less judgment when it's against yourself. But usually, because we are our own worst enemy, it's probably mostly judgment.
Speaker 1:Yeah, when I see people, it's mostly judgment.
Speaker 2:I'm like.
Speaker 1:I had a challenge I put out there to to the huge group, to the big group of everybody, even online. I was like here's this week's assignment. You're all on mission. Do you know the difference between an observation and a judgment, and can you see it when you're in it? And a lot of times people will create their own judgments. For observations They'll be like, oh, you're going to listen to Clint today, that's just a question. But someone threw a little twang on that bitch and they'd be like you listen to him. You know. It was like, yeah, he doesn't know, or he's really great. Like people will add in a judgment and then think you meant something that you didn't actually say because I added a judgment to it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and that's the thing right Is.
Speaker 2:that is the thing that we run into most often in life is that's the piece that causes us these issues, because all it takes is a slight inflection, the way that you change this thing called language, which, if we're lucky, we maybe get a 50 percent return with another person that we actually understand what they're saying. And that's part of the thing, this thing called language that we use. These words that are coming out of my mouth. I don't know how much you're actually getting, unless I say, hey, rick, how much are you actually getting right now, when we're talking about this? What do you think about these things? Can you explain this stuff to me? I need to know what you know, because if I don't know what you know, then we don't know nothing.
Speaker 1:Well, I don't know how to explain what I know, so you're wrong.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's right. I have to explain, but I'm sorry you can't understand the stuff that I know, so I'm not even going to tell you because I don't waste my time.
Speaker 1:Well, I don't know how, I don't know how to say it, so you should just get it.
Speaker 2:Exactly.
Speaker 1:Like. This is the argument. So like well, you should just know I'll be like, but you don't know. Yeah, it's very funny, let's. Let's play with some words here, because I think people are like you idiots are idiots, you get back. You guys are stupid. English is pretty clear and I always enjoyed the. I always enjoyed the, the perspectives with Alan Watts when he talked about like English language is fucking silly. He's like first off, it's a series of sounds that we put together and then we made up a definition for it, and then we created a book called the Dictionary where we have all the words.
Speaker 1:We have all the words in there that you have to have a definition for that. The definition is made by other words that we made up. The whole thing is just we're trying to define what the defining of the definition is by using a thing that needs definite defining to even begin with Like the whole thing is really silly when we think about it, because I can just say a sentence in this one sentence means like a hundred things and be like I hope you have found your happiness. Well, what does it mean? Well, please, I hope you are. Or what is happiness to you? Yeah, and they're like oh, I know anybody and you'll get a.
Speaker 2:You'll get. Every answer will be different for every human being that you ask. There might be some similarities, but everything will be different.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I did a training once on leadership and I said please tell me what are good traits of a leader? And I had three pages of all these different leadership types. Now, like you guys are starting to see, the one word means multiple different people. There are some leaders that lead from the middle, some from the front, some from the back. Different styles, different techniques, different traits, different personalities, and all of them can be effective, but we still call the same thing leader. You know, and that's the thing right, that right there is the issue with language.
Speaker 2:That is why language causes so much trouble. And then if you're translating between languages, now that's a whole different thing. And really, and when I talk about translating between languages, I'm not even talking about, you know, english to Spanish, or English to Japanese, or English to any other. I'm talking about just man to woman, because women have a different language than men All right, help me out with that, All right.
Speaker 1:help me out with that, All right. I don't get it, Please, as though I know nothing. Please explain. Men and women have a different language. What is it? Oh, yes, they have a different language.
Speaker 2:It kind of comes down to a very simple thing. This is the most easy example I give to pretty much everybody. I got out with my friends. We spend three hours together. I come home my wife asks me so what did you guys talk about? And basically my response is usually their work is good, their kids are good, their health is good, life is good. He's like well, where are the details? Give me the details on that stuff. Can you tell me what's going on with this person's wife? What's going on with this person's kids? I don't know. Their work is good, their life is good, their kids are good. Things are good. Kids are good, things are good.
Speaker 2:What did you do? How long did that take? I don't know. About 20 minutes or so. Well, what did you do for the other two and a half hours? We hung out and talked about stuff and told jokes and watched TV and watched a game and drank some beer and just did that. How was that fun? You didn't even talk to each other. That was a good night. Yeah, that was a great night. That was the best night, but why not?
Speaker 2:And then she comes back later and has a conversation with me where I have to preface it. Whenever I'm with her, I'm like, okay, I need to know, do you want me to solve this or do you just want to tell me something? Because if you don't tell me, my brain is going to say she needs me to fix something. I need to fix this problem. That she's telling me and really she could just be telling me about how her day is, but my brain is no, no, I need to fix something. She needs me to fix something because that's how I show her I love her. That's the difference in language.
Speaker 2:Women, anthropologically speaking, they're the ones who created society. They created story, they created these different, the long term memory stuff. That is what women created. Men, our job, historically speaking, for 295 plus thousand years, was leave, be silent for eight to 12 hours, kill the thing, come back and then let them cook it while we go sleep. That was our life for most of our existence. That we can figure out.
Speaker 2:So for men, when we sit around and think about nothing, we literally have been biologically, evolutionarily created to sit and do nothing for hours and hours and hours and hours on end and be perfectly content with it. But if you do the same thing and put a woman in the same situation, she will go stark, raiding that because she has to do something, because that is her biological imperative to always do and be and act and connect and create society. And that's that, right. There is the core of our language issue, because we, as men, rarely want to talk about stuff, because most of the time when they want what they want to know we can't access, they live in a language of feelings we barely, if we're lucky, we know that we have maybe four or five feelings, if we're lucky.
Speaker 1:Thoughts. All right. So ladies have created society because they talk way more than us guys do and they call it sharing. I've got five girls here. They call it sharing. It can just be bitching, complaining, gossiping. They still call it sharing. It doesn't matter what it is, it's all just sharing. But if you make any observations about their sharing, it will be judged Yep, because judgment is how they can. They can speak in judgment. That's completely justifiable, by the way and so they share.
Speaker 1:And I noticed that it's a difference on these things and I'll give example. You and I will call each other and we'll go hey, dude, what's going on? Oh, yeah, this new thing just came out. It makes it so we can improve our business. So make sure you check your email. I sent you a thing. You'll see. You can update it and now you'll be able to make it more efficient. If you just have this and this, you go right on, dude. Thank you so much. I'll check that out. Now I can improve something. I'll construct something from that, thanks. Girls will be like I drink a cherry lime drink and I liked it. Yeah, and you'll go. Oh, okay, and they're like well, I had a watermelon drink and I liked that and you'll go.
Speaker 2:Uh, huh Okay.
Speaker 1:Okay, I can't. I can't use any of this. Nothing improves with this information, and they'll be like. One time I wanted to taste these on butter rolls and I didn't like them because they were too buttery. But if they were literal less buttery, I'd like them. Okay, thank you. And what am I supposed to do with this? Yeah, I can't.
Speaker 2:I can't hit something over the head with it. I can't fix, I don't even. I'm not even making butter rolls.
Speaker 1:I don't, yeah, okay, I don't. What do I do? And this is sharing and we don't understand, because we're like I can't use it and guys usually functional, there's usually a thing, we usually have a thing to share that I want to make it so you can use it.
Speaker 2:I want to tell you what I'm doing with this Exactly.
Speaker 1:And so this is where it becomes, where, I think, we censor more things that maybe are supposed to have relevance for a category, even if it's a category you don't understand. It could be fantasy football, it could be video games, it could be work, it can be fashion in dudes version, like dude, I got them. New Jordans oh shoot, where'd you get them? I got them here. Catch it on sale, bro. You can get that shit today. You're like that helps. My wardrobe just got lifted. I'm in there.
Speaker 1:You like there's always some sort of construction happening, but they also do have a nothing. We have a nothing system. Girls don't have it. You saw that study. Did you see a study where they hooked all the neurones to everybody? Yep, and we got the nothing box in? The girls are like how do you guys have a nothing box?
Speaker 2:I want to go in the nothing box and let's add some curtains to it, and let's add some. Let's add a chair. No, no, no, the box has nothing in it. No, you need some stuff in the box, because that's how it can't be nothing.
Speaker 1:How does this translate today? Because girls are getting fucked right now, and I'm going to put it out there. Girls are getting fucked, bird in a beauty and bird in the performance is now stacked and it's tough to be in a feminine energy and in a masculine environment. So, with this whole, build the society and be able to share our feelings and have this stuff. And now they're going into. It's a man's world Like we're. Now they got to go in and be the more dude than the dude, more human than human, like they have to go in and do this burden of performance. What is going on? Like you're watching the ladies, like what is your synopsis of today's push on the women?
Speaker 2:The hard thing is is that it's, it's still it really. You know, it's like, you know the word you hear most often describing that is, it's the patriarchy. It's well, it's a man's world, it's that kind of stuff, right, and it's used so pejoratively and so frequently now that it's almost kind of lost all meaning. But really what it is is it's we expect women to be all and do all in all different spheres of life, to do that, to be that way at home, to be that way at work, to be that way in their life, with their friends, with all these different things. And because of that it creates this unrealistic pressure and expectation of them to always be on.
Speaker 2:And the thing is, is social media, cell phones, all those things have changed the way our brains process things to where we are always on anyway? So now we're always on, thinking about, wondering about, worrying about what's going to happen next, and yet we also always have to be on. Then, emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually, sexually, and every single way we have to be on. So it's burnout, it's exhaustion, it's being fried, multiple different dimensions, because you can't be on all the time. And yet society says, why not?
Speaker 1:Okay. So there's a couple of things here I got to get clarity on so I can make sure I'm on the same page, all right. First off, the patriarchy is a big part of it. There's a narrative. Now, listen, I'm an I'm. I'm a man's man and I have men's groups and I have hundreds of men's in my direct group. I have thousands and thousands of men who follow and I must be missing my invitation or I'm not getting the group patriarchy emails. I am. I haven't been invited to the big game yet. Are you in the patriarchy? Because they haven't included me and I don't know if you got to be included yet.
Speaker 2:No, I'm not included because I'm a therapist. All right.
Speaker 1:Is it because we're in the psych world that we're just not a part of this, the patriarchy? I want my invitation. I haven't got to say it.
Speaker 2:The thing right, because the patriarchy is, is the people that are in control right, the way that we, the way the world controls and looks at and describes and discusses and objectifies women and all these different things, and so I have to understand, then, what is control, so I can make sure if the men are doing it.
Speaker 1:How do I know if the men are in control? That's a great question. Well, who makes the laws? They may be? They may be because all the laws are equal now for men and women. So is that because women made men do it or because men made laws equal?
Speaker 2:Really, the laws are equal. I didn't know that. When did this happen? Okay, can you point to me when this happened?
Speaker 1:Yes, which laws do not apply to men that apply to women and vice versa? Which laws like? Which laws like women that laws against women still so they can't do it because of law, but men can do it. I don't know which ones there are that do that.
Speaker 2:Is there any law? The most easy thing is reproductive rights.
Speaker 1:Well, what's that mean?
Speaker 2:Well, reproductive. Well, basically, men can go do pretty much, do what they want within reason, as long as you know. You know raping, you know that kind of stuff, you're good, okay. But when it comes to other reproductive rights, women don't have control over their bodies.
Speaker 1:What do you mean? Like I don't know what category you're talking about, so I can make it clear.
Speaker 2:Well, of course you know Roe v Wade and all that stuff, where all that stuff got changed, where women choose to not have a child. They now no longer have the right to choose to not have a child. Well, because you're talking about abortion, but it makes it extra difficult.
Speaker 1:No, no, they still get to choose. They're still there. The option is still there, even in taxes. Where they want to argue is like within 15 weeks, and so you can still choose. It didn't take away the choice completely.
Speaker 2:But also if you want to get, but they severely restricted it.
Speaker 1:Well, no, let's talk about equal rights, though. Does the guy get a say about killing his own child?
Speaker 2:That's a, and you know, the thing is is it depends on the state, and that is part of the issue, right? Well, Clint it's just.
Speaker 1:Do guys get to say it's my child my choice, or is it her body her choice? Is it equal? Exactly? No, no, it's not. So then that means the laws aren't equal against men Shit. I thought the patriarchy was in the. I thought we had all the power, but now the guys don't have power over their own child's life.
Speaker 2:Exactly. This patriarchy is fucking up Clint, it's meant. I know it's not doing what it's supposed to do.
Speaker 1:Damn it.
Speaker 2:we are not controlling everybody Now okay, because the right people are on the email list.
Speaker 1:Hold on a second. Let's see here Okay, now, abortion is still there. Now, I'm not pro-abortion, but I'm also not pro. Everyone should live for everything. There needs to be some balance, and I've broke down abortion to the exact best scenario, and it's a lose-lose. You can never win in the entire category. But let's take a law, though, because the law is not removed, these women still get to choose to kill babies if they like to. If they love it, go do it. So that still exists. What laws, though, apply to women and not men, or vice versa? Men can do it, women can't do it.
Speaker 2:That's right. There are all laws that they're all laws are all equal under the law. But then the way the laws are enforced, that's where the issue happens. Okay, the enforcement of the law, that's where the issues happen.
Speaker 1:I'm with you there, okay, so the laws are all the same. The law, that's not a law thing, it's an enforcement. It's the patriarchy is now enforcing the laws. So if there's a domestic dispute, the patriarchy is pushing. It's all the woman's fault, and women get fucked over. As soon as a domestic dispute, it's the woman for sure. Patriarchy is getting the women right. Definitely not Shit.
Speaker 2:Usually, what patriarchy are we doing? It depends on the evidence, and usually it tends to be the men.
Speaker 1:Really, really, because I have police officers in my group.
Speaker 2:I'm screwed up on that side too right.
Speaker 1:I got the police officers in my group saying it's a majority women, but guys don't report it. Yeah, that is true. So is it the patriarchy, then, that women are beating the shit out of guys and guys are too ashamed to report that women are hitting men? Is it the patriarchy that's getting them? Because I'm missing it. I need to be on these emails, Clint. I need to be on this. I'm not getting the info, but the guys on the front line are saying it's not like that.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So now the laws still seem wrong because guys are getting charged more and women are doing more crime. What am I missing with this patriarchy? There's some missing. What's another law that's not enforced? Right, because this one seems backwards. Let's see Wages, wages. Okay, now I've worked a lot of wages. Yeah, I've never had a job where the ladies aren't paid the same, especially in a sales environment or a commission job. It comes down to performance. Only Now that when I've seen any of the studies done on the wages aspect, it was usually mothers, not women, because single women and even lesbian women were fucking killing it. But mothers work less hours, and less hours than fathers.
Speaker 1:And so that wage gap was not based on dollar amount. They were going off an annual amount and saying they just got less annually and go well, who worked more hours? We're not checking hours, we're just looking annually. Well, he worked way more hours than she did. Are we going off of hourly wage or hours worked? We're just going to go off of annual. She worked less hours, though. Moms go to more performances for kids. Moms are there for the children more, no doubt, no doubt. And jobs are fucking cool with it. If mom wants to go to the play, go enjoy it, cheryl. If dad wants to go to the play, you got to stay home. You got to stay at work. Steve. We got quotas, babe, can you record it? I can't get out. So when they did those studies, it wasn't. Women aren't getting paid the same, it's just mom's work less, because they take more family and consideration than work, and so and single women were getting paid.
Speaker 2:The same men allow that.
Speaker 1:Cool, and so now it's equal. So now it's like there's women making more money than men right now, so that's it's not across the board. There's women who are more successful, so it's not a pay gap anymore, because if that's this case, let's say it's balanced out. Where are the patriarchy holding people down? Because I'm not Understanding it. I'm missing it. I want to see it.
Speaker 2:You know where the patriarchy is. What in your brain?
Speaker 1:I don't. I'm not even invited? So where? Is it I.
Speaker 2:Want to.
Speaker 1:I want to be like wrong guys. I got to be there and support the this.
Speaker 2:Solidarity. I need to be in solidarity with you to keep these women down. Yeah.
Speaker 1:I haven't seen the thing where we're keeping the women down correctly. Oh, we're doing a terrible job. If there's a, the men and power are keeping the women down. We're doing a terrible, terrible job of patriarchy eating because men's suicide is way higher and the support systems for women there are thousands of percent more than for men. And when you look at even in the therapy world, I have guy after guy going. She was cheating on me and being abusive and the therapist teamed up against me.
Speaker 1:Yeah what the fuck is going on. Patriarchy like this doesn't sound like patriarchy. If the guys are more isolated, killing themselves, and more depressed and more beat down, the jobs are more dangerous and more difficult. The life for guys right now is Is not working like a patriarchy. So what am I missing, clint? I want to. I want to at least get this right. Because this Patriarchy? Maybe this is why they didn't invite me, because I'd be like hey, dummies, we're doing it wrong. Where we made rights equal, we let girls get away with shit. Everything's equal on pay. People are doing better across the board. They get more maternity leave. They don't have to do the heavy lifting or the dangerous jobs. We're fucking this up.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we got a.
Speaker 1:How do we fix the patriarchy claim? We got to fix it.
Speaker 2:That's a great question, probably we don't need to fix it because it sounds like everything is working the way it's supposed to work, or is it?
Speaker 1:They're all killing themselves.
Speaker 2:It's like it's astronomical for men it really comes down to. We need to be able to Take a take a step back and take a look at this stuff and look at that and say is there such a thing as a patriarchy and is, and if so, why would we want to be a part of it? We want to be a part of it. How can we be more able to talk about what's going on with us? How can we be more willing to talk to each other about the pain, the suffering, all the things that are going on with us? How can we be more willing to say I'm tired of living in the shadows and living in shit and living in pain. Okay, yeah, okay, be more like that.
Speaker 1:Who are these guys trying to share their information with and getting shot down from them? Yeah who are who? Because if they're like hey, guys need more nurture, more understanding, more empathy, more safe places to share. Take your armor off and be authentic. Who are these guys trying to share their hearts with? And just not? It's not working to the point where they feel isolated. They have to kill themselves. Who are they sharing their?
Speaker 2:thinking you would like me to say women.
Speaker 1:Well, maybe I'm asking is it with their wives, or with their girlfriends, or with their women or is it Other men really, with other men?
Speaker 2:because we've been trained to not share with each other, because we can't show weakness.
Speaker 1:So, then, we're showing our vulnerability and our openness of like. We also want to show compassion, love, empathy, connection with you and the ladies. They're like we've got you guys. We're here for empathy, we're here for for compassion and nurture, and men's feelings a matter All men. Their feelings are important and we're embracing the loving wholesomeness of a man's heart. Is that what's happening with this? This patriarchy? Push, no, fucking fuck. What is happening, clint? I don't know, because now the guys are pushing in on women to do the natural societal building Connection and empathy and care and compassion and love and nurture, and they're getting just Slammed and thrown to the wind. Is it because the patriarchy is failing or the monarchy is totally missing their chance to do what they're meant to do? What am I missing?
Speaker 2:I Think you're missing all the above. I think it needs to be neither one, it needs to be both. We need to work together. It can't be one or the other Shit now together together. The more that we understand each other, the more that the language becomes common between us, the more we are now able to actually have these kind of conversations and pull us all up out of this perceived muck that we seem to find ourselves stuck in. I love it.
Speaker 1:Okay, we got to pull each other up, we got a team back up again. Let's get back together, back to basics, right, all right, there's no patriarchy, there's no monarchy, there's no the men's and the women's thing. Where are we gonna go for? Like true, equal, like a 50-50 deal, and we both like I got my side, you got your side, and like we just, we just dutch it all and then now we're good? Or is it like men have a job, women have a job? Like how do we make sure that we're teaming up? Like what's the team do?
Speaker 2:yeah, if I'm a forwarding, you're a goalie.
Speaker 1:How do we know what our jobs are?
Speaker 2:having. Historically and society speaking, it is based on what your skill set is, because there's some men, there's some men that are a lot more empathetic than women and so, and there's some women that are a lot more, a lot more Strong and able to do things than men. So it's figuring out what is your each individual skill set together and how can you work together, using your each individual set of skills, to make the best progress forward. Because it can't be all men are this way and all women are this way, because that's not how it is, doesn't all, because that's lumping everybody into a single category. It needs to be individualized, and not so Then. Not so just umbrella umbrella term, like I'm a man.
Speaker 1:Therefore I'm like this, so these umbrella terms like the patriarchy held me down or social media says you have to always be on these umbrella terms Don't work. It goes off and we have to get back to the individual. Mm-hmm, we need individualism again. We need to be our own individual and assess our personal strengths.
Speaker 2:I'm then able to learn how to work together, using our individual strengths to improve things with each other Gotcha Well, whose strengths are the best? There is no best when it comes to strength.
Speaker 1:It's how do we know? Is the past?
Speaker 2:there. I love that, I love this conversation. So the best right it's what is what equals the best right? Because the best is a Perception based on your specific view of what good, bad, best, worst is.
Speaker 1:So what is the best? The best is it's an assumption.
Speaker 2:It's saying that this is the best because I say so. But who are you to say so?
Speaker 1:That's a good question. Who are you to say so? So here we are now, back in a subjectivity of doing what is right. Who's right, my skills, my strengths, individuality it's about my things and what I do, and I think my stuff is better than your stuff and so my way must be right. So you're wrong and so if you say anything against it, you're bad. It still seems like individuality, or me, is and is still stacked up to become, and some way shape or form, a system of blame, shame and judgment, which makes sense. Why today's weapons are? It's all your fault. You should be ashamed of yourself because you're not doing what I think you should be doing. Because your piece of shit, you're a liar, you're an idiot, you're. More on your patriarchy, you're a bigot, you're a sexist, you're, or whatever. Yeah, so it seems like this individuality thing is where it's been going for a while, but people sure don't seem to be doing a lot of accountability for this individuality thing.
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm, now I'm and and that's right if there's no accountability with your individuality, if you don't have Like, you know, if, like, if we don't like it, there's a thing right, moral compass, moral code, those kind of things, what we believe To be true and right. And if we as a society don't all believe what's true and right, then we all won't go the same direction and then individuality means nothing and what's true and right means nothing, because we're not all going in the same direction and it's like well, how do you get everyone to go in the same direction? That's a great question. That's what we've been struggling with for five thousand, three hundred thousand plus years. That's why religion was invented, that's why all these different things were created is to try to give us some kind of guidance on how to live with each other. Because that's the problem, because even in this conversation that you and I just had, the way that we spoke about things, I don't, I still don't know, if you like, did you get 75% of what I said or did you get 100%?
Speaker 1:Did you get any clue? What's going on with any of it?
Speaker 2:I don't even know what I got from you.
Speaker 1:I got like 10% of that going. I don't even know where we're at. Still, I, still, I'm pissed off about not being in the patriarchy.
Speaker 2:I know you're pissed off. He's not on the email list.
Speaker 1:I get it I know, but that's no say comes back to I don't know.
Speaker 2:If we don't know each other, if we can't have a conversation when we know, where we have a common language and we both understand as close to a hundred percent as humanly possible what we mean, this stuff will not change, yeah all right.
Speaker 1:Well, how do we elect the leader then? Like what's the best way for leadership? Is it skills, is it abilities, is it traits, like? I want to make sure, like, all right, we've got things going in this equality world which we don't want equal. I did a 50-50 video the other day and had a Public vote at a few hundred thousand people check it out, okay, and it was a pretty unanimous no. We don't want 50-50. And on both sides it was men and women. They're like 50-50 is a fucking nightmare. It's way easier on dudes. The girls get demolished on 50-50, like, and the ladies were like I don't fucking want that game. Equal fights, equal rights. Hold on a second. Equal courts, equal, equal. Get out there and do the heavy leg work. Like.
Speaker 1:Guys didn't complain about like hey, I'll do the housework, let's do it to it. But also 50-50, you eliminated your particulars because it's job done, job not done. You don't get to call the shots. You went the boss of shit's 50-50 and so, like, alimony disappeared, all kinds of stuff disappeared. You know, if I work 70 hours, you got to work 70 hours and then we split housework. Yeah, oh, your job only does 40. Well, you better get a second job. You got 30 to make up Equal, and so equal ended up not being the answer Nobody.
Speaker 1:When I went down the list of equal, there were certain things that could be better, but across the board it was a shit show, like it was not useful. So we don't want equal because we can't even agree what equal is. Yeah, because, like I was like all right, if equal is, we got you, me and another guy. We got a four foot fence. We got to get past and I'm three feet tall, you're five foot tall and the other guy is seven feet tall. Now, is equal that we got the same four foot fence? Or is equal that I get a two foot step and then the tall guy gets on his knees? So we're all five feet tall, which is equal? We're all five feet tall, or we all have the same fence Wow, which?
Speaker 2:ones. I love the visual of that and there is no right answer for that, because this is the game. It's everybody's individual strengths. Right, then it would be okay. So the seven foot tall guy helps both of us over and then we help him over. However, we can't. It's like how would you do that? Right, it's, it's a great question.
Speaker 1:I go under that fence, I'll go right, I need that.
Speaker 2:I just go get a hammer and pop some boards out and you gotta go right through, yeah.
Speaker 1:I don't need no tall guys. How about go right underneath that thing? I don't need to sell for that. I'll figure out my three foot way to do that, no problem.
Speaker 2:No problem, I don't want to be picked up and thrown over a fence.
Speaker 1:No, no, I'm anti dwarf tossing when I'm the dwarf. So this is where, um, this is where it's funny to watch this world, because the subjectivity of equality even has become An argument. Well, I don't know if it is because when we really do like we want equal, once we go, well, let's do it. It's like way, way, way, way, wait, wait and this is why it's so interesting is language thing we're doing and these judgments and these opinions, and then that's just on patriarchy in control. We don't even know what we're fucking talking about, but everyone's up in arms and then we go the other part.
Speaker 1:Women have to do it all and always be on, thanks to social media. What a curse it's. I think social media is a direct attack on women and an exposure of women when they have no Consequences for what they would really do without rules. Whether it be investigations, whether it be reputation demolition, whether it be portraying a fake image, whether it be trying to, you know, hurt another person or find out another person's things, or whatever it is. Social media is used to take ownership of somebody, control other people, change the story, or it's it's become Exposing that women have really connected to social media in a very unhealthy way Now. Is it because social media isn't healthy or unhealthy? People are using social media.
Speaker 2:It's a great question. That's like chicken or the egg, right? It's you design stuff. You design stuff with one intent, but then the intent gets perverted because of the way it becomes used. It's like, you know, we originally created guns so we could hunt larger animals because it was easier than a bow and arrow, but then we also figured out that we could, you know, just like the bow and arrow, we use that to hunt other people. And then we created more things and more things. Right, everything, everything is a tool and it all depends on how you use that tool for good or for ill. But it's figuring out for ourselves. How do you want to use your tools? How do you want to do that? Do you want to be a part of?
Speaker 2:You know the patriarchy that does all this stuff, if it even exists? Do you want to be a part of? You know the? You know the feminist movement? What do you want to be? What do you want to do? How do you want the world to look and be and how do you want to be in the world? And that's the hard thing, right, because that's what it is. That's why this is all made up and that's why it's so frustrating, because there is no right answer. There is no right answer. There is no capital T truth. There is no. You know. There's only one truth, that there are any two truths that I know. You're born and you die, and we're working on not dying, so we'll see if that one goes away. So eventually we're all gonna be born and maybe we'll not all die.
Speaker 1:We got two truths. I feel like there may be a few more, but the subjectivity of how we describe it is what makes it weird. And this is. It's a funny conversation. It's meant to be ironical, you know it's meant to be. The questions I ask are obviously Dung and cheek. Yeah, they're clearly ridiculous, because what people's belief systems and what they're fighting for right now, when you just ask it out loud, gets really silly.
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, I mean, that's the thing, right. The most things that we believe again can't stand up to scrutiny. It can't stand up to us looking at it and peeling back the layers of why do I believe what I believe, why do I think the way I think? Why is it that when I react or act this way, when I'm thinking this way, it causes Good stuff, bad stuff, different stuff, all the kind of stuff? Because we really don't know. We're all making it up as we go along.
Speaker 2:We're trying to figure it all out in the moment, in real time, hoping that we don't fuck it up.
Speaker 1:Yes, and I'm gonna have to censor this episode because you keep saying bad words, you say a truth. You keep saying why, like we're gonna have to, because these are gonna someone's, someone's triggered right now. Because you're like, why do you keep doing that? You're like, why are you fucking lying? It's not gonna be why? Because truth is bad, so it's gotta be blame, shame and judge.
Speaker 1:That's we're in an interesting time right now where you're calling out the challenging aspect of you have to really look inward and go. It's not about the circumstance that's happening that tells you what's going on. It's the way you're handling it is revealing you to yourself. But you won't be honest about the way you just handled that and you won't be honest that you tear people down when you don't get your way and you won't be honest that you try to hurt people because you want everyone to listen to you, you want control, and you won't be honest.
Speaker 1:And and truth, I think, is really it's really struggling these days because we can add in just my before it and then make it anything that I want, yeah, and that's what people are doing again. We're going away from base level morals and even like the concept of religion. It's gotten so fucking bastardized by the abuse of people with authority that is taken away from even the teachings of Christ, which, if you're a Christian, you should at least read the dude, because start at Matthew. You're gonna start going eating Matthew 7 and you go. I think my church is doing this wrong.
Speaker 1:Yeah because Jesus said don't do this, and don't do this, and don't do this. And we do that every weekend, all the time, jesus said don't.
Speaker 1:But jeep, I'm a Christian for Christ, I'm a Christ follower and Christ said don't do what my church is doing. But I'll give you a fun fact in our Thursday nights in the Warriors way, I have a group for spirit side Warriors. I believe heart, body, mind and spirit, and most of what the Warriors way really gets into is I've got a lot of heart side Warriors, but I have I'm a mind and tactics. I'm mind, body, it's my strong side. But I have guys who are very strong spirit, heart side, and so my spirit sides. I have the guy who leads it.
Speaker 1:He is a doctorate in theology. He's no dumb, okay, knows his shit. The other guy who runs it with him he was a pastor for the Hebrew Dead Sea Scrolls. He was high level. He went to the source and mastered the source. And then the other guy he is a he's high level in his church and he knows his Bible.
Speaker 1:Like, these guys know their shit and they all have hardcore church wounding. They do not believe in churches the way, because the way to God is not through church, it is through spirit, is through soul. And so even guys who are grandmasters in the field of understanding, they, like you, know the main guy with theology, the doctorate. He's like I've read the Bible a fucking a lot of times. I Know I I'll open it, I'll find what you're talking about and I'll give you the corresponding you know other book that explains the thing. He knows his stuff, yeah, and he's like I don't think church may be the way to To God, follow Christ's and pay attention if your church is against Christ, clint, we are pissing off everybody. We're pissing off patriarchy. I'm pissing off ladies. I'm pissing off pastors. We're pissing off everybody. Why? Because we're doing something that people don't like. We're challenging and we're talking about truth.
Speaker 2:But that's the thing. Right is, if you don't challenge what you think, if you don't challenge the way you react, if you don't challenge the way you act, then you have no growth. Growth only happens when you're uncomfortable. So you have to get uncomfortable if you want to grow. It's one of the most painful, frustrating, ridiculous, soul-searching, crushing Experiences ever is when you begin to challenge your very core belief system of why am I the way I am and am I the way I want to be? And if you don't do that, you stay stuck and and you stay blind Because you don't look at yourself. And you have to look at yourself first Because you are the key ingredient in every interaction that you remember as being good, bad or indifferent. So if you don't know you, then you don't know your part in what just happened or didn't happen very, very true.
Speaker 1:Well said that that stacks, that's, that's that adds up. And People don't want to do it, though, because that's my boss or that's the best, the pastor, that's the owner or that's the whatever. Because of status. I don't want to rock the boat and so I won't challenge, because that could be bad. And if that's bad, then this could happen, and what if this, and then what if that? So you know what I like the idea of know they self and challenge everything. I'm just gonna keep my head down, and I'm not, I'm definitely not gonna do what you guys said not doing that.
Speaker 1:What happens? What happens when we just deny ourselves everything? What happens, do you think? Like when people start living in their denial of truth, denial of authenticity, denial of challenge, denial of seeking to understand? What do you think is happening with everybody?
Speaker 2:No, let's see, it's a the age-old story right addiction, mental health problems.
Speaker 2:It's problems with problems with government, problems with how money is run, problems with homelessness Problems.
Speaker 2:All the problems that happen in the world are because we deny who and what we actually want to be and how we actually want things to look, and we deny ourselves, and so that creates all the ills of society. Because we deny what we see, we deny what we feel, we deny what we think, we deny what we know, we deny that you know, we deny our own spirituality, we deny that we, that we are all infallible, that we are all not infallible things. We're all fallible or all flawed. We're all broken in some aspect because we are. We are people being raised by people that aren't perfect, and yet we all strive for some version of perfection. And then you get into that realm. Then there becomes all kinds of extra issues, because trying to find perfection is the most exhausting thing on the planet and we just become completely exhausted and soul sick because we can't ever get where we think we want to, maybe, should, could sort of might want to go, because we don't know.
Speaker 2:We don't know what it comes down to, because we just don't know all right.
Speaker 1:So striving for perfection, even just saying out loud, sounds like you're a failed system. But the denial is the cause of everything. No, I'm with you. That denials a bad motherfucker. I think he's in the middle of a lot. It is the toughest curse that we have to break, especially in grief. So I'm not saying denial is some weak sauce. He's the toughest one I've seen to beat, that's for sure. But the cause of everything. What about people who just weren't trained? Is it because they were denied training and denial still gets a play? I don't. What about that? We're like someone who just didn't know. They didn't know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, when you were, even though you, when you don't know, that you don't know, I mean, if that's like one of those things, right, how can, how can you even Start that way? Because that's one of the reasons why, when people go out and seek, seek things, when you go to seek like help, when you go seek friendship, when you go seek Relationships, when you go seek deeper meaning, when you seek God, when you seek Enlightenment, when you seek all these things, it's because you're beginning to pull back these this, these, this veil or these threads of these things in your life. Or you're like I'm missing something. Because in every human being we have this ancient stuff locked inside of us that also tells us hey, something's missing. I don't know what it is, but something's missing. I need to go find it. And if I don't find it, I'm afraid of what happens next. Because that's the thing it always comes back to the core ancient fear story of because I don't know, there is danger.
Speaker 2:And Because I don't know, and because there is danger, that could equal death. And I don't mean it could be physical death, it could be. We could be spiritual death, it could be societal views death. It could be all kinds of different deaths. Death is not just the physical body, it's all these different things, because grief is not just about physical death of another person or animal or anything. It's also about death of ideas, death of thoughts, death of feelings, death in multiple different dimensions. And that's the thing that we, that we miss as people, is we turn away from death, we turn away from grief as fast as we can, because it means you have to look, it means you have to check, it means you have to test and you have to think about what was lost and If it's truly lost or not.
Speaker 1:So I have to have the awareness of myself enough to go. I should be seeking to know more. Now let's lean into the excuses. But I didn't even know where to look. Right now. This is a funny excuse. Have, um, do we have any solutions to a way that we can have access to like just a ton of information to help us even Seek the ideas? I mean, is there any technology or anything out to make it so we, like people who just don't know, can at least try? I mean, I don't know, there's.
Speaker 2:Not even with technology. It's like there's people around you that you can ask there's clergymen, there's church members, there's teachers, there's educators, there's Rick. Just go and talk to Rick, he'll help. He'll help you learn some stuff and that's the thing. Right, you do those things. It's like, yeah, there's technology, there's podcasts, there's books, there's everything you can think of to seek something, and sometimes all it takes is just listening to Like the nonsensical conversation we had about the patriarchy to get someone thinking in a way that then makes them angry, that then makes them want to Go and seek, because most of the time when we seek, we are seeking because we realize that something is missing. But that also means that we have to be willing to say Something's missing, and that's, of course, the hardest thing to do, because who wants to admit that there's something missing? No, I will not me.
Speaker 1:There's shit missing. I think I don't. There's something missing here. I don't see it.
Speaker 2:If something's missing, I'm like well, you know, and guess where people try and find it. Addiction they're trying to find it in drugs, to try and find it important.
Speaker 1:I would go the other way other people.
Speaker 2:They try to find it in over education Only deny it.
Speaker 1:They have to deny first that they're even going to find the thing that's missing. So they have to find something to fill it in that feels good, because they know there's something there they don't want to see yeah, it's the Inevitable, the spiritual whole.
Speaker 2:It's the, the hole that you're trying to fill, it's the thing that you're trying to say this wound, this spiritual wound, this soul wound, this, whatever wound that I that I'm now noticing, I Can't tolerate it because it keeps telling me to do something that I don't want to do. So I need to shut it up, boom, as I don't want to do it, with every fiber in my being, because if I look at it, then that means, oh, my gosh, that means I have to do something. Oh, I don't want to do something.
Speaker 1:That's what the fuck is doing something. We're back to accountability again. We're back to truth again.
Speaker 2:All right Amazing.
Speaker 1:War with what is to make me feel good by not dealing with what is. So I'm gonna get fucked up, so I can at least feel numb because I don't want to face the reality of what and in the truth of who and or what I do and or am, screw this game and it still comes down to the judgments in the pain that I call what things are make me feel too bad. So let's get fucked up and or shop online, or and or you know or binge a bunch of Netflix or stop the world.
Speaker 2:I want to get off. I'm just gonna go sleep for the next 27 hours because social media.
Speaker 1:Think about Screw this, screw life. You know what I laugh about. We're speaking too many truths. People would have to like take notes and listen this 10 times because we're dropping too much wisdom too Quickly. It's going. This seems like a ridiculous conversation, but it's really advanced and like praise to you on this one. People don't understand how advanced this conversation is because it seems like tongue-in-cheek. It seems ridiculous, but it's high level. What we're doing back and forth is a tough tennis match and like you're playing very well today and so people aren't understanding.
Speaker 2:This is a very tactical conversation and it looks silly, it looks quick, it looks ridiculous, but it's actually like really calling shit out hard Mm-hmm and the thing is is if we don't, if we don't take the time to call ourselves out and to call out the things that scare us the most, then fear wins, and fear always leads To destruction and well and pain, and sorrow.
Speaker 1:Here's where I think fear is funny. If you doesn't get me and here's why I think fear is a funny one. Do you know how fear really wins? If you don't challenge it, if you don't have courage. Fear is a possibility, it's a possible thing that could happen. I could lose my job, I could have a breakup, or I could get divorced, or I could have this or I could have that, or that could happen, or this could happen. It's all like maybe shit.
Speaker 2:What if I do?
Speaker 1:start my business. It could fail. You know like it could.
Speaker 2:But the problem with the fear story is is that on the back end of the fear story is that wonderful, self-fulfilling prophecy piece where then we act out of fear, which then leads to the very outcome we're afraid is going to happen, because we're trying to deny it so strongly or deflect it or do something so strongly that we then do the very things that lead us to the thing we're afraid of. And that's an advanced thing.
Speaker 1:And it's scary when that happens. I remember when it has to be right. I got to be right, clint, I know, and you are right, and I said I told you this would happen. I told you the thing that I was worried about when I went to go make it happen, that it would happen. I told you it would and I'm right again, see, I should never try anything. Told you exactly.
Speaker 1:So then you create yourself a feeling prophecy by doing the actions that lead to the actual fulfillment of your fears, making you correct once again. So you should do what the one thing fear wants you to do the most Quit.
Speaker 2:Don't try Run away.
Speaker 1:Give up, don't do anything, blame, shame and judge and don't ever be accountable, authentic or real, don't ever look inward, don't ever really see if it's there. But whenever I do fear training, I'm like, well, what's the thing you're afraid of? Like this could happen, this could happen. I'm like, all right, touch it. Touch it, just grab it Like it's fucking. No, it's an evil, fucking, terrifying dragon. I'm like, touch it. Yeah, it's a smoke, touch it, you'll go right through it.
Speaker 2:It's loudspeakers, it's pyrotechnics, it's a lot of noise, but it's not paying attention to the man behind the curtain.
Speaker 1:That's fear, the wizard of the house.
Speaker 2:It's fear, and that's the thing, because whenever you get people to finally face and confront their fear, whenever you get them to finally just stop and just take a breath and go wait a minute. I've had this fear for a decade now. It's never happened once. Maybe that should mean something. But just because it hasn't happened now doesn't mean it won't happen, and that's the thing that gets you every time right. There's still a lot of life left to live. But here's the thing I've failed more than I've succeeded, which I hate failure, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, but I've learned so much from it so I'm not afraid of it anymore. Now I want I welcome failure. I want failure to happen, because with that means learning, growth, change, improvement, which then that leaves fear in the dust.
Speaker 1:It's not that scary if you're, if you're on a mission. I've noticed people when they have out there like you know what, I'm going to do a thing, I'm going for it, and then they start smashing through all these like fear, these fear monsters and people like how did you get past the giant evil gorilla? They're like there was a gorilla. Yeah, you walked right through it. How did you do that? I was looking at my goal, I wasn't looking at the gorilla. Yeah, how did how did you just overcome this? They're like I didn't even notice that. They're like I was on my mission, I was on purpose, I was doing the thing that I believed in. I didn't even pay attention. And I believe, when it comes to certain things, a lot of these things. Fear is just one of them. Doubt has a play. Excuses have a play. Distractions have a play. You get into the. Anxiety has a play you get into the shame.
Speaker 2:I would say all of those are subsets of fear.
Speaker 1:I don't believe so. I think people try to force it into it, but I don't think so. I just did a thing yesterday explaining how like all right, let's see if it is Well, doubt and fear, I do not believe are the same. I don't, because one is like you're not good enough, clint. What's, what's the fear? No, it's just but it's an assessment. It's not. There's no like, oh, it's just like. I don't think, I don't believe in myself. Well, that's not a fear. There's what happens, what's? What are you worried about?
Speaker 2:No, I just don't believe in myself. I can't believe it. Fear is an action right.
Speaker 1:You know? Shame. Where is the shame? Where is the fear? Where's a danger? Where's the thing you're protecting yourself from? You're not. You're kicking your own ass. That's not fear. That's that's yourself. Abuse. That's you talking negatively to you. Where's the fear? That's you beating you up. That's not fear, you know. So you start getting into these different things. I don't think it's fear. So the definition of doubt itself we talked about that Doubt offers nothing and takes everything. You're not good enough. That's a stupid idea. You know you can't do that. Those aren't fears. That's just somebody telling you you can't do it and that's not good enough as a dumb idea. Where's the danger? Where's the fear? Where's the potential futures of watch out for all the things? Let's just say, and you can't, If you believe it, but nothing happens. There's no fear there. It's not. I'm not afraid of that. That's just like oh Okay, maybe I'm not good enough, that's not. You can try and stretch it into you're afraid, You're not good enough. No, I'm not afraid. I just don't believe I am.
Speaker 1:Okay you know it's I'm like. Well, doubt and fear. I can't fight those the same, because fear is a possible future that most likely never happens.
Speaker 2:Fear is not real, I do something that is happening to you in that moment.
Speaker 1:That is happening if you have presence in the presence on fear. Fear doesn't hold up, because if I'm like oh, no, man, I'm scared of lions and they're gonna fucking eat me, man, I will get killed by lions. And you're like yeah. That's true, but I don't even. I don't see any lions anywhere. Man, that's true, you're like, yeah, but they could, you know, you just cuz they have it doesn't mean the lion's camp, man, you know, like I guess, but I mean there's no lions.
Speaker 1:But if I said I'm walking around the lion cage at the zoo wearing wearing a meat necklace, yeah, you know, you're at home, you're in your favorite chair, like that's not a thing, you're good, yeah, but if you said you know what, you're never gonna make it dude, you're not good enough and nobody's gonna care what you have to say. You're like, oh shit, maybe I shouldn't even like bother, I guess I shouldn't even try that. I don't see the fear, just doubt. Well, that that's a different fight, because presence in the presence on doubt just amplifies doubt. Presence in the presence on fear kicks its ass. Hmm, so I have to have a system of being able to recognize decision in the moment when somebody's using a doubt attack versus a fear possibility. And so that's why I say well, I don't think it's all fear.
Speaker 2:I think there's different ways to different way to diff, to deflect it, to own it, to fight it, to recognize it and to beat it, because each one has a different tactic and if you don't know what you're fighting, how can you use the right tactic?
Speaker 1:Oh you speaking my language now. Now we're on the same page, because I don't know if excuses are completely fear, because it's mostly truth. Mm-hmm, it's not actual truth, but it's mostly true. The best lies are 95% true. Oh yeah, I wish I could have called you man, but I've been really, really, really busy.
Speaker 2:Oh, I know you have been. I wish I could have called you to it. I've been really busy.
Speaker 1:We've so, so busy that's brown is like we are the busiest humans to ever exist. That doesn't mean very productive, though. Don't mix it up. No, no, because I was busy and like you were busy, I was like you were busy. Let me, let me see your screen time. What were you watching it?
Speaker 2:was all you, rick. I was thinking of you the whole time.
Speaker 1:Let's see, this is a race car video. This is a video about video game. This is about plants. I'm like, I'm not in those videos, bro, so it's. It's one of these things where we use an excuse that like, yeah, I was doing stuff, but was I too busy to call no? No, no, I wasn't too busy. It's just we had other shit we were doing and prioritize other things. This doesn't mean I like you or don't like you anymore or less. I just did other shit. Yeah, that's all I did. I didn't do anything. I wasn't like fuck that guy, I was just like I like sandwich, you know? Like that's, that's what I did. I watched a movie today. That's what you know.
Speaker 2:So it's where we Then that but is all over. Then the narrative and the soundtrack of fear, shame, guilt, doubt and all that stuff comes into play, because then you're like oh man, you know, it's like I actually do like spending time, so I do like talking with, but I haven't reached out to you, so that means I'm a piece of shit human being. I'm not a good friend and you know, and he's not gonna talk to me anymore and oh man, it's here, yeah, so I gotta come up with some excuse.
Speaker 2:That sounds really plausible. So that he still wants to talk to me.
Speaker 1:Justification to make it so I can still have the behavior I do. We're using systems of control by trying to change the story and convince other people of the reality we want them to believe and call ourselves honest, truthful and good. Mm-hmm it said. The reality is like I still love you to death, bro. I just chose to do other shit.
Speaker 2:And then okay, and so did you.
Speaker 2:And here's the thing where I like that more than any excuse you come up with, because that I know is true and that's the thing right. We crave Honesty, we crave integrity, we crave truth, now more than ever, because the world can now lie to us in In different ways now that we sometimes won't even know that we're being lied to because of how stuff is. And that's the part that's so difficult, because used to be, if you had to lie to somebody you had to be face-to-face, eyeball the eyeball. You had to be in the same room and they would do something and you could and it took a super, super, super, very Amazingly good liar Mm-hmm pull it over on people.
Speaker 2:Hmm well, people get back, actually I would.
Speaker 1:I would actually argue people are having to get better at lying now, because how many times do people leave someone on red and then have some excuse on that shit, like motherfucker? I know you saw my message, I saw you read it and then, I saw you not respond for four out. What were you doing? Yeah, that's true.
Speaker 2:Now I got better, now I got a better a lion yeah. But also but who are we getting better a line to?
Speaker 1:oh no, it's definitely. It's a, it's a collective effort. Well, this is where I did a training online. Why do people lie? Mm-hmm, aside from the Machiavellian, which is a small percentage, the manipulators and the Narcissist, aside from, like the, the the dark triad circle, which is like that single digit people, I'm talking about the vast majority ever, everything down to a three year old up why do people lie?
Speaker 2:I'm self-preservation protection man.
Speaker 1:Listen, if I knew some big MMA fighting monster was like who fucking took this thing, I'm gonna beat their fucking ass. And I knew it was you. I beg bro, I don't know.
Speaker 2:Cuz, I'm not.
Speaker 1:I'm gonna lie, cuz I don't want my boy getting fucked up by this. Ufc killer. I'm like.
Speaker 2:I don't even want to fight this thing.
Speaker 1:I'm not throwing Clint at this guy. Fuck that like I'm gonna be, like man, I don't know bro.
Speaker 2:I don't know.
Speaker 1:Cuz I'm gonna preserve the safety of my head that way. Yeah, I'm like that could have been anybody. Hey, there's some cookie crumbs here. You should. You should follow those. You might find your culprit man. The caper is on. I'm in your corner, go buddy, go get him. I'll be like I bet Clint Clint, watch your ass. You know, ufc killer is on your tail and I'm like this motherfucker left me on red Message. You never saw unfriend you.
Speaker 2:You're like but that's the thing, right? Is we? We as a society, we as people and we especially as men, being authentic with each other and letting each other know what's going on with us and how we're feeling and how we're thinking All the different things, is one of the most difficult things to do, because all of us have been told and trained and taught by society.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:You don't have feelings, you don't deserve to talk about them. And if you do have feelings, they're wrong.
Speaker 1:You are bad. It is shame for men, for men, it's shame for women. It's blame. I actually, when I was doing men and women's group, the men's group, I still, I still run. Just you guys know I run large men's groups, fucking bad ass men's groups. It is the only place these men even can get empathy from, because guys will come and take their armor off. Even this morning, high-level conversation of the guys going like man, let me just put my heart on the table of what I'm going through for this loss, this abuse, this divorce, and they're like man, you, you matter here. Your heart's important to the other guys. Guys can give empathy to men. Real men can give empathy to other men. And so these are the and you're like well, you guys are a bunch of bitches.
Speaker 1:Come check it out and the ad challenge any of you tough guys. Come and talk to the Navy SEALs. Come and talk to the strongest men on earth. Talk to the UFC fighters. Talk to the Marines. Talk to the army. Talk to our we got police officers. You talk to our our warriors.
Speaker 2:I can tell these big hearted dudes.
Speaker 1:They're a bunch of pluses.
Speaker 2:You go ahead I can tell you the the people that I enjoy working with most as a therapist are my vets that have been through multiple tours, have done things and told me things, that, that anybody, that they said that to anybody else and they would know there would be judgment and I just sit there and go. Oh my god, that sounds like the worst, most horrible thing I could ever imagine you having to go through. And you did that 20,000 times. Holy crap, how are you still standing? How are you still alive? How are you still functioning? It's and they're the most open and the most honest, because what they need is someone that they can just be accountable and be themselves to.
Speaker 1:Without blame, shame and judgment. That's the game. Like you said, if you have feelings as a man, you are bad. I I removed blame throwing the lesson for blame throwers out of the men's program. It's still definitely in the women's program. It takes us two to three weeks for all the ladies to stop coming in going. Can I tell you how much Dan sucks, you know? Like? Stop talking about your husband or your boyfriend and stop dogging and putting everything on everybody else. But that's how we've created society. We are three times more negative and that's what makes us all get along with each other. Please, ladies, it takes it takes a week to three weeks for our women's group to go. This is not where you come to bash on other people. This is where you work on your own shit. Now, with the guys, they come in and go clean like alright.
Speaker 2:It's all about me. I don't piece of shit.
Speaker 1:I fucked up. I can't make her happy. I've done everything I can think of horrible my life.
Speaker 2:Anything I can do right.
Speaker 1:I did everything I could think of and I'm still not good enough. What am I doing wrong? Like guys come in and the ladies are like I can only imagine the hate mongering you're doing. I'm like you'd be surprised. It's a shame stack. It's not a hate monger, but you guys are hate mongering. So I think you're revealing you to yourself. Yeah, if you're worried about what other people are doing, that is what you do. You're revealing you to you. So pay attention that right there too, right over someone's head, just so you know.
Speaker 2:Man, rick, I miss these conversations. It's fine.
Speaker 1:Do you Well?
Speaker 2:rears now you know good man, You're on it today you know, but that's the things right is where they always come back to the authentic, and the authenticity piece is not just about being authentic with yourself, it's being authentic with everybody in your life and it's being authentic in a way, then, sometimes authenticity hurts, sometimes it's painful, sometimes it feel it feels like someone is burning you from the inside when they are being authentic. But most of the time when that's going on, it's because you are recognizing your own stuff and you're trying to deny, deflect and pretend that it's not you, that other people, that's that person is making me feel that way.
Speaker 1:You're, nobody can make you feel anyway. Let's kill it, clint, let's. Let's give people a path here, because we know the answers and we know the answers aren't the solutions. Anybody who's made it to this episode we're in the hundreds already and how many episodes we got if you're this far in.
Speaker 1:You've seen Clinton. I talked multiple times. We know the answers are not the solutions. I know that we see what the problems are, but the problems aren't the path. That's just where it goes. We get it. Let's give people a tool. I remember there's a brilliant person I was working with at one point, and we were going back and forth and they said you know, what I would really love to see is a world with radical truth. And I said radical truth. It seems Absolutely asinine. It seems ridiculous, because there's a huge element that is required to practice before you can have absolute truth. Now, what do you believe? Because I I think I have the answer already. What do you believe, though, is the path to being able to have a world with absolute truth? If there was a skill to practice, what would it be?
Speaker 2:Box, breathing and meditation so that you know who you are and what you're about and you can control your. And you can control your inner, your inner ancient fears, so that you can turn off your, you can turn off your Nervous system and stop getting stuck in the fear story that is running your life.
Speaker 1:That's so you went by. Decide you in box, breathing, control your elements of yourself.
Speaker 2:Yeah, find you in you, come with the fuck down, because then you can have, you, can, you can, you can see radical truth, because then that lets you see this story that you're telling yourself or that you want to tell others with greater clarity, because now it's not clouded by 300,000 years of hardcore survival, because and then the truth is still your perception, it's still not capital T, the God's honest truth. It's still your perception of what you think is happening in whatever moment you're in. But then it's being open to having a conversation and discussing when are the holes, where are the flaws, where's it right, where's it wrong. Getting that discussion where you can then see okay, how does my truth stack up to your truth?
Speaker 1:Rick, we're gonna do like the day and then go through the questions, and we got to go through each one of the elements of self like alright, so this is where it gets tricky, is? I want the path, though, so I want to make sure I get it right. So do I start with the breathing and then go into the questions, and then do I answer the questions like and then do I have To get to my ancestors? Like I got to know what are the steps. So I don't fuck it up because I want to do it and I'm not saying you're wrong, but I do want to do it correctly. So I do I start with ancestors? Do I start with breathing? Like, do I start with Questions? I don't know the answers to what do I start with? I?
Speaker 2:Say always start with breathing.
Speaker 1:Okay, so I got a breathe first, and then, after I'm breathing, I'm doing the four in, I'm doing the four out, I'm doing, I'm doing four times, and then you get to the place where you are feeling more calm.
Speaker 2:And then you can ask yourself a question. Okay and then the question that you can ask yourself is Is the way the story is telling me this is going, truth or fiction?
Speaker 1:All right, so now I'm getting absolute truth. In order to get it, I got a box breathe and then go. Is it truth? Now this person has told you an uncomfortable truth, radical truth.
Speaker 2:Whatever?
Speaker 1:the radical truth is, it can be something how they truly See you, their absolute opinion, no censorship, no anything. And now you box, breathe and you said is this story Actually true or not true? So you're challenging their, their perception, that's the idea, right?
Speaker 2:Well, actually not even challenging their perception. You're challenging how you perceived what they just said okay, so now. I just challenge. I'm like alright, that's a true challenging your perception of what they just said. Because if because you can't just accept what Everybody's opinion is of you, because that's the thing, it's all an opinion.
Speaker 1:So wait a second, Am I looking for? Do I agree or not agree? I just want to make sure I'm doing this step right. So I got challenged. They said a thing yeah, and do I agree with the thing or not agree with the thing? Yeah, okay.
Speaker 2:So then it goes into my perception of what their perception is yeah, then if you do it, then you, and then you ask follow up questions. All right, okay.
Speaker 1:So I agree or I don't agree so.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, it's okay. So I don't agree with that assessment and this is why I don't agree with that. And then they can say okay, well, you don't have to agree with it, because that's what I believe, gotcha they're doing radical truth then let's dissect. Why do you believe that?
Speaker 1:now we got to go into why, now, when do I get my ancestors involved? Because they're ready to go. My ancestors are like I'm gonna fuck this dude up. So, like my ancestors are ready, I got. I got samurai's in Spartans in Cherokee's and I got my ancestors already.
Speaker 2:I'm sure they are so do they need to be involved.
Speaker 1:I'm, dude, I. You said get them. I'm, they're ready to go. I want my ancestors here too. So this is where I'm like I got the box breathing. I see if I agree or disagree in either way, and then I have to connect to a part of myself, to I want the ancestors. You said some ancestors, shit, and I want it like I want to do it. So how do I do that? Because I want them involved. This is a victory side for me.
Speaker 2:But the problem with having your ancestors involved is that your ancestors are gonna be all the ancient stories, all the stories that you tell yourself. Fuck again is one of those things that is this a moment when that story will lead you where Do? Is it leading you where you want to go, or is it leading you to the truth? Because that's the question, right, because often where it leads us is not to the truth. It leads us to Do where we want it to go, because then that makes us feel good.
Speaker 1:So wait, do my ancestors come in with justifications to make me feel better? Yes, they do. These motherfuckers, I don't want them involved in that. They're just screwing truth up then exactly Okay, so I don't so should I get rid of my ancestors or?
Speaker 2:Your ancestors involved because your ancestors are all the excuses that you've ever told yourself, ever about why this person that's telling you this stuff is full of shit.
Speaker 1:Yeah, fair enough instead of going are they?
Speaker 2:do I act like that? Sometimes Do I react that way, sometimes could that potentially be something that I do. Okay, again, this is if you want truth. Truth always comes back to looking at yourself and saying Do I do this? Maybe, maybe not.
Speaker 1:So I do my box breathing and then I challenge agreement or disagreement, and then I ask why or why not.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and then there, then, from there you have, you continue to have the conversation with this person of why they feel that way, why they think that way. Oh, they're you know yourself, remember? Am I that way?
Speaker 1:I'm going in a radical truth, though. You got a person who has no filter yeah, and this town.
Speaker 2:you are hard truths yeah, and you don't but if you don't look at the hard truth, then you don't know if it's actual truth or not.
Speaker 2:If you don't look at it and synthesize it and find it within yourself like is this a part of me or not? Do I agree with this or not? Because, again, that hard truth is their perception. It is not your truth. That's the hard thing about truth. Truth is subjective. It's the most subjective thing out there. There's very rarely that it is a hundred. There's anything that I've ever seen in my life that's ever been a hundred percent true.
Speaker 1:Well, people can still share their honest opinion, yeah they can and for them. That is true. So, like the truth. This is where people alter the truth or omit information. So that is, that's altered truth, for sure. So then, like what if they're not doing that? What if they are full-blown open, just book? Yeah, and like. This is really my exact no altering, no omitting, no changing the story, no judgment to the truth of what I really believe. Yeah, and you hate that shit.
Speaker 2:Yes, you do. Because then you have to now look at yourself and ask do I agree or disagree with this? Is this a part of me or not? Because if you don't do that and you don't ingest it and look at it and have a conversation about it, then you just stay stuck in. Well, this person fucking hates me and they and from everything they said, they deserve it. And then you go into a shame spiral gotcha.
Speaker 1:All right, we're going to look at it, recognize it and decide. So I decide truth. So the way that I do it is a box, breathe, calm down, and then I have to ask do I agree or disagree? And then I have to challenge to understand more. Yes, and that's, that's like that's my stand.
Speaker 2:At the end of the challenging you also have to do self-reflection then I saw like do I agree with their truth?
Speaker 1:But that was the second step too right. So I go first step, breathe. Second step Do I agree or not agree? And then I go in to understand more, and then I go back to step two and say do I agree or not agree with more information?
Speaker 2:Yeah okay so, and then from that, it allows you to now Construct and decide for yourself.
Speaker 1:Okay is.
Speaker 2:This, is this a truth that I that I can agree with? Or there are parts that I don't agree with, and if you don't agree with some of those parts, continue to have the conversation. This is not a quick and easy down and dirty. We're done. It can't be like that so that has to breathe you're digging in and figuring out, but the breathing is keeping you from going Super crazy. Rage monsters stuck in your fear and stuck in your anger because you're trying to control those triggers.
Speaker 2:Slow down to control yourself, so you can get to the root of this.
Speaker 1:So the breathing is to control my triggers.
Speaker 2:So I don't go on a fight, fight.
Speaker 1:Freeze font, so I don't go into my defense or control system. Yeah, so breathing stops my defense mechanisms.
Speaker 2:Yes, then I have to go into agree, or?
Speaker 1:disagree. So I go to agree or disagree. Then I go into challenge wide understand. Then I go back to agree or disagree and now challenge again to see why do I even think the way that I think? And then it goes into the deeper reflection of trying to really get into yourself, which would lead to agree or disagree at the end and knowing why.
Speaker 2:Yes, okay, once you have an idea of what of then, once you feel like you have gotten to the point where you have a better and deeper Understanding and you have as close to at least in your own mind, a hundred percent Comprehension of what the conversation was that you just had with the person, it then allows you to say, okay, I either accept or I don't accept this, and then, if whatever you choose after that, then you can decide to continue the fight or you can decide to say I choose to not continue down this road, because if I continue down this road, shit's gonna get real, and I don't want to do that.
Speaker 1:I don't want to blow up this relationship, because I get to the choice and counts of glance and they goes like I said. The thing for this is where I want to go. It's the simplest, the genius on this. I think I'm gonna at least pay attention. I went a little different route. If you're open to hear I want a different route on this one. So I want to make sure that I was repeating without Adding, because I want to make sure I had the system at least correct and not mess with your system. I want to say if there's a path you take not saying it's right or wrong, just saying that's one option Use Clint's way. And I don't say, I didn't say that's right or wrong. I said it give Clint's way a try. If it works for you, it's fucking right, so that's good. So use his system if it works. I did it a little different way.
Speaker 1:I said if, in order to have radical truth be a part of my life, I have to practice radical acceptance, hmm, I have to practice radical acceptance now. Acceptance is a part of understanding loss and grief. In the first place, I have to at least be able to get to the point of what is, without all the blame, shame, judgment, guilt, oppression, offensiveness, without all of the stuff, just can I get through what it is? So how do you practice acceptance? Well, acceptance is a byproduct of learning how to grieve quickly Denial bargaining, anger, sadness. How quickly can you go through your phases of what the things are to get to acceptance of what is?
Speaker 1:Now somebody may tell you a truth like I don't really like that truth. I don't, I don't want to believe that. Well, it's denial. We got to go through acceptance and denial. Well, you know, if I were to do that, then you would think differently. And maybe if I try to convince you of this, and maybe if you knew more about this. Well, now I'm bargaining my way through, trying to create a narrative to make it so it fits what I want you to believe. Stop it, what is? It's just there. Can we accept what things are? Yeah, now, that's not fair, that's wrong. I hate that. You did that. I don't like that. You see me that way. Well, now I'm getting angry. Now I'm trying to know no, fuck that. Like, hold on Before you try to force a narrative here. Can we get to? Let's just accept they have an opinion and that's the thing. Don't try to control it. Then sadness and going through like oh bomber, that's how you fucking see me shit.
Speaker 2:And that means my entire history and our entire stuff together is just a waste of time and don't add, don't add in shame, don't add in all the beat down like God.
Speaker 1:If you seem like that, I must be a piece of shit and I really do suck and I don't deserve good things. And no, no, no, stop doing that. Let's go through all those things and get to acceptance. Let's practice Acceptance, radical acceptance. It's just quick. I just go like okay, hold on, hold on.
Speaker 1:You say, rick, I think that you look like an idiot in that shirt and I'm like okay, all right, I'm not gonna deny what you said, I'm not gonna change what you said and what you said is what you said. So no point getting mad over it. And I don't have to get bummed out because you shared an opinion. Okay, you think I look ridiculous on this shirt. That's what you said and you're being honest. You're not fucking with me. You're like I really don't like it.
Speaker 1:I think blacks not your color, man. I'm like well, you're technically right, blacks, not a color, but let's keep going. I'm like okay, it's the absence of color, but let's keep going. Let's keep going. You don't like it on me, that's not your favorite, that's your opinion of how you truthfully feel. If I have radical acceptance, I don't have to go through box breathing. I don't have to do all this stuff. I can just go like, fair enough, dude, that's not your thing. And I can have radical acceptance to your radical truth, and now I believe that acceptance is a skill. Hmm, I believe I can practice that shit. I can practice that that happened.
Speaker 1:That should just happen. Dude, that did happen. How do you feel about it? I mean, some of it bones me out and I wish it didn't happen as a little frustrating, but I can't accept it did happen. I'm gonna. I'll go through all those things to go. That is man. You know, that coin doesn't like this shirt. I love this shirt, but he doesn't like this shirt. So that's, that's a thing. Okay, well, what are you gonna do about it? I love this shirt. I'm still wearing the shit out of the shirt. It's just. I know they it's his opinion.
Speaker 2:He can have his opinion. That's fine with me, that's okay because I like it.
Speaker 1:He doesn't like it, I like it his judgment or his truth doesn't mean I have to alter my beliefs. Mm-hmm and this is, I think, where people get mixed up is they don't have radical acceptance, so they alter their belief to be what they think other people want them to be they will sacrifice authenticity.
Speaker 1:Well, that's at least one part of it, because we do it in multiple ways. But even just to negotiate themselves, what do I have to compromise for you to be okay with me? Who am I allowed to be based on your judgments Without radical acceptance? Radical truth now becomes manipulation. I Can accept what you said. Doesn't mean I have to do what you said, but I can at least accept it without getting triggered. This is a path to transcend triggers. I don't have to control what you said. Mm-hmm, I don't have to be mad at you and they don't have to be sad by it. It's a fucking, it's a shirt, I'm out. But here we are. People toss around judgments and their things quickly and even if it is their radical truth, I get to choose how I handle your truths and I think that's the skill. Acceptance, I think, is the path for me. I'll just accept what it is. No work. I'm practicing acceptance, so that way, when you tell me the truth, I don't have to even go through all the triggers of shit. That's fine, that's I completely.
Speaker 2:Everything and just go straight to acceptance, because you recognize that it's true acceptance. This is very important.
Speaker 1:We talked about this this morning. It's not a cop out, it's true acceptance. This is peace in the present and not trying to use denial to pretend to be acceptance.
Speaker 2:So it's not just stuffing it away and right that's where people goof it up.
Speaker 1:They're like well, is what it is like stop, stop, stop. Still go through bargaining, still go through anger, still go through sadness, and all that will lead to peace in the present of acceptance. All the pieces that I went through. I'm not denying any aspect of how I feel about this, but I can, at the very end of it, get to. That really is the way you see things, though, and I don't control how you see things. I only control how I'm going to respond to how you see things now.
Speaker 1:Do I compromise myself? Or do I hold a boundary and say, hey, I appreciate that, but I'm not going to change for you, or do I, you know, start creating distance between our dynamic, because it seems like I'd have to understand? Is your intention to fuck with me? Or are you trying to help me? Because, if you're like, don't wear that shirt, dude, is a white shirt event, you can't wear that bullshit. You're gonna look stupid. And I'm like are you trying to hurt me? Like, no, I'm trying to protect you from yourself right now. You'll be the only dude in a black shirt in this whole thing.
Speaker 2:Now, if you're trying to black sheep.
Speaker 1:I make a statement if you're trying to black shirt, your statement and you're gonna be all right Shirt, and amongst all the white shirts, then you go ahead and be the black sheep man. You go do it, but just as long as you know you're walking in to do that. Well, now You're judging my shirt, but you're also trying to protect. Well, here, can I accept the truth of what you're doing without going clinch is trying to tell me who to be? Yeah, this is where I'm partly with you on this one.
Speaker 2:I really I like, I like the to the straight radical acceptance, where you actually Look at the situation as is and you just allow it to be as is and then you just move beyond it, because being what it is, as long as you're not denying what it is, makes it palatable. Because it's something it's just a thing. It's nothing to be really worried about. It's just a thing.
Speaker 1:That. So that is okay, I can accept that that's her. Then I don't have to agree, but I can accept that that's what you believe and there's a lot of people who believe things I do not believe. Yeah, you know, my girl and I got into a conversation that I Very much do not agree with her and she's like you're just not understanding. I said please stop trying to make up my lack of understanding. I understand, I just don't agree. And she's like let me try to explain it to a different way. I'm like you can, but it's not a lack of understanding, it's a disagreement of opinion and I accept that's yours, but I don't accept it as mine.
Speaker 2:And that's one of the things that has happened in the world, especially because of social media and the ability to have more Instantaneous echo chambers as we have been able, we have lost, we've really reduced the ability to agree, to disagree, where just because your opinion is different than my opinion Doesn't mean that you and I still can't hang out, have conversations, because I love 99% of what you say, but that 1%, oh well, you know. You don't agree with me 100%, then I don't need you and it's like none of that. That's how it works. There is no 100% agreement, and anytime you think there's a hundred percent agreement and it doesn't exist, it can't happen. There's too much in your past where you might find one point of divergence and that means that then you can't be friends with anybody ever.
Speaker 1:That's true. That's you. Yeah, you create your own prison, you create your own nightmare on that one. Yeah, the polarization things a real thing and it's. There's a few things that you recognize.
Speaker 1:This is why, if I had to say, where's the legacy gonna end up? Aside from breaking curses in people's lives, what is the number one defense or enemy that you have to protect yourself against? What armor do I teach you to be able to use to block the most likely attack that's going to be against you? We talked about it already it will be judgment, it will be blame and it will be shame. If you turn your awareness all the way up on judgments, you will see that people speak in judgments. It doesn't matter what, which new station you go on, it doesn't matter which, which group you're in. You will see people speak and who's right, who's wrong, who's good, who's bad, who's a piece of shit, who's the right side of doing the right things and who's the wrong side of doing the wrong things. These are all judgments, and then they'll start saying what they should do and who is too Much of whatever or too little of whatever. These are buzzwords to wake you up. It is not just an objective statement. This is a judgment of intent. I want to use judgment to manipulate the way that you feel, to make sure you compromise yourself to fit in.
Speaker 1:You need to fit in, and if you don't fit in, I will use blame, shame and judgment to destroy you and or censor you or Crush you with reputation demolition, so that way, you learn your lesson to never, ever not do what I tell you to do. People are creating themselves false authorities with judgment. You should shut up, clint. You should shut your fucking mouth. You're like why should I shut up? Because you're going with your. You said patriarchy, you're with the patriarchy. If you don't stop doing what you're doing, I will have your clinic shut down. And you're like you just made up a bunch of shit right there. Wow, okay, I don't know where you like. I didn't even say I'm part of the patriarchy. Well, you're a white cis male, so you clearly obviously I am, well I will, can you?
Speaker 2:can you get me my membership card then, cuz I don't happen to have one?
Speaker 1:but? But you're seeing I'm speaking in judgment, yeah, I. Every single sentence I say is riddled with judgment and blame and you should feel bad and I deserve to punish you now Because I've created an authority with judgment to try to harm you into submission.
Speaker 2:Because I can harm you into submission, then I can get you to do what I want. And if I can get enough people to do what I want, then I have my army to spread my message of whatever it is, so that that way I now know I am right.
Speaker 1:Correct and I cannot beat you directly. You're too fucking smart, so I have to beat you by having you censor yourself. I need you to shut you down, and judgment is the best way for me to do that, because I can't directly go at you. You're too fucking smart, so I got to make you feel not smart. So you shut yourself down. Then you're out of the game. Reputation demolition, self-censoring beats you down with blame, shame and judgment. That's the tools of the news. It's the tools of today. They will monger fear, they will monger judgment, they will monger some sort of destruction against you. So you comply immediately and people are going I'm gonna lose my job and I'm gonna lose my job.
Speaker 2:That is not new. That is what has been done forever and always and always. So if we're always some way, it's the fear of the other, and it's the fear of becoming the other, and it's the most. Again, one of the most ancient fears that we have is if I'm other, and that means I stick out, kind of I we all know what happens for the thing that sticks out, right.
Speaker 1:Isolated, destroyed, killed. You're picked off. Easy pray, easy pray and that's what there are good people unifying.
Speaker 1:They're good people having the conversations. If you've made it an hour and 40 minutes in this conversation, you have picked up a bunch of tools to go shit. These motherfuckers go hard. There's. There's Options. That exists. I've created a place for men. You have a place that that creates a conversation for couples and for people and individuals to be able to have a fighting fucking chance. I've leaned far men. I do have women clients, but I've leaned far men side. There's like 200,000 women's groups. There's like 17 men's groups. Let's make some men's groups because we need guys our dads, our brothers, our nephews, our niece, our Fathers like these guys need a place to talk to.
Speaker 2:You need a place to talk to each other. We need a place to feel each other. We need a place to see and recognize and understand that it's okay to be okay in our Male list and that's the thing, is that's been told by so much of stuff and society and all those things that it's not okay to be a man today.
Speaker 1:That's another judgment. We're seeing the game. I'm pulling the veil off this bitch. It's a judgment there, that's a judgment here, that's a judgment here. Or it's a straw man argument to create a judgment. Okay, clint, you said that people aren't supposed to be okay with each other. You're like way, I didn't, I didn't say that. You're like do you really believe that? You know, let's start at like creating a straw man off of a made-up one off. And now you have to somehow defend yourself over some shit that I made up. You said to completely twist your words into making you go. That wasn't me. Oh, so now you're gonna change what you said. This is the game. It's just to make you feel shame, make you feel blame, make you feel judgment, make other people's offense is now the excuse for them to be an authority.
Speaker 2:That's ridiculous the people who can't handle truth and have no acceptance should be in charge Because we don't have a real trauma will create one and it's one that's for one purpose only to for control it's power, and to have power Because if you have power and control over another person, then you now have them to at your bidding and if you have the enough people at your bidding, they can go out in the world and they can spread chaos and misery and destruction and your message and all the stuff in a way that makes it crazy. Because you know, thing I love most is the saying hurt people, hurt people right, but also healed people, heal people. So do stuff with Rick, reach out to me, let us work with you and heal so we can go heal more people to get off this fucking crazy ass Traddle that we're stuck on.
Speaker 1:Boom roasted. I'm that. Note, clint Callahan. You should be reaching out to this guy to have some time with him. Clint, just remind them they should know by now how do they get touch with you so they can work with you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you can find me online at small changes big impact net, and you can also find me on Facebook and Instagram and now Tiktok at small changes dot net Under a dot for you. So small change, a small change is big impact out for you. That's where they are on those, those three we got all the links in the bio.
Speaker 1:Click on the stuff. Make some calls, otherwise all you warrior men who are looking for your place come and reach out. Come and see what we got. We got some badass things. No matter what. We are building community. We are building a place for you to actually be Authentic and truthful, accepting and honest with yourself so you have a damn chance to lead and feel a life that's worth fucking living. Otherwise, go kick some ass warriors. Thanks Clint, thank you Rick.
Speaker 2:Always great to see you.