109. Party of 5 with Scott Ragsdale

Navigating the complex dance of blended family dynamics and step-parenting is no small feat, a truth Scott from Rags Party of Five knows all too well. Together, we unpack the subtleties of joining a pre-existing family unit, sharing our triumphs and trials. From the delicate process of earning your stepchildren's trust to the intricate weave of discipline and support, this episode is an honest testament to the unsung heroes navigating the role of a step-parent.

As we peel back the layers of parenting, you'll hear about the foundational importance of a strong partnership between spouses. We confront the gritty reality of keeping a united front in disciplinary matters and the repercussions of gender dynamics in the disciplinary process. As we explore these themes, we also shed light on the broader societal shifts affecting family life, from the controversial views on marriage and autonomy to the changing landscape of women's roles and satisfaction across the decades.

This episode doesn't shy away from the hard-hitting topics, such as the potential dangers lurking in the realm of social media for our youth, especially girls. We share personal anecdotes, illustrating the sometimes-comical ironies of parenting teenagers, while also emphasizing the significance of guiding them through the digital age with wisdom and care. Join us for an episode that's as much a deep dive into the soul of modern parenthood as it is a celebration of the resilience and love that hold our families together.

Connect with Scott Ragsdale HERE!

Click the HERE to choose your path!

Click HERE to choose your path! 

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:10

What's up, warriors? Welcome back battlefield of the mind. Except, today we're gonna rock in a very fun way. I got Scott rags there with me from rags party of five and Today we're gonna get into some life Experience stuff. We're gonna get into shit. You should have learned already from doing it the hard way, so that way you guys can pay attention to the lesson you missed already. So, scott, welcome to the battlefield of the mind. Brother, I'm excited to get you in man.

Speaker 2: 0:40

Hey, I'm. Hey, I got boots in the sand. I'm ready to go. I've been waiting for this one.

Speaker 1: 0:44

Yeah, I'm glad to be here now, this is something that we're gonna go out. We're let's start out strong, because you said a passionate topic that you want to get into. Let's get into the topic for step parents. Now some people are like, oh, don't get me started and on the other side of the please, somebody recognize what I'm doing here. So so give me your $10, not your two cents. I want all the money On your take for, like, hey, recognize this with your step parents, good ones and bad ones.

Speaker 2: 1:17

Yeah, the good ones. Well, you know, I want to start with the good ones, because the good ones is it's a role that it's an honorable role. And and I say that is because, you know, once you become a step parent and this is just my opinion once you become a step parent, you're instantly an outsider, and the one thing I believe with that and being a step parent is that they're not gonna love you, they're not gonna like you. You're going to accept you because their mom and their dad does. You've got to earn their trust and I believe once you earn that trust, the rest is falls in the plate. And that and that's a good part of it, you know it's, it's good for me being a step parent, because I had to walk that, I had to walk that trail. I did. I had to tell them you replace somebody, you got a dad, you've got a father, you honor that relationship, you honor that father. What happened between your mom and your dad? It's not, it's not my fault, I have nothing to do with it, you know. But me and your mom, you know, we, we kind of like each other and so, you know, I just think that that trust needs to be earned first and Now. That's a good side of it, you know.

Speaker 2: 2:39

The bad side of it is is that you know, here's the kids talking about. You know, talk about feeling left out. You know, when you, when we get together as a family and it's weird because it's happened with Amy and I and our kids are kind of grown, so you know they have all these memories. You know Amy has all the memories with her kids. I got these memory with my kids. So her and her kids tell jokes and I'm sitting there like you know, kind of like the the mop in the corner. I'm like, yeah, that's funny, what the hell is she talking about? And the same thing with us. So you know, um, you know it does have its ups and downs, but I will tell you this it's one of the greatest titles I've ever had.

Speaker 1: 3:25

It's a tough job, man. How many, how many stop kids do you have?

Speaker 2: 3:29

we have to, I have to, and, yeah, I have to, and then Amy has three. So I have three from a previous marriage and Amy has two from from, from from her previous marriage, and you know it's. It's a little bit tougher, I think, for Parents to live it, for the kids to still live at home. Because here's this new dad. You know they're not calling me dad or they're not calling her mom, but here's this new person that is where's my dad at.

Speaker 2: 4:04

You know, from the ages where they can kind of understand, understand stuff, from like three To you know, the teenage years, you know, because when the kids get teenagers, man, if kids us get psychotically crazy, but so I think I mean they go through his time warp, I'm like, are you really human? But yeah, so from being at home, I think it's tougher for the step parent role if there's kids who still live in the house. But Again, bottom line, once that damn trust is built, it's smooth sailing first for the part of it. So that's a good part of it, yeah, that's a good part of it.

Speaker 1: 4:44

It's a tough thing for the measurements. I got three teenage girls.

Speaker 1: 4:48

I'm step dad for each, and so I've got a 1716, 13 and boy. Do girls not make it easy for you? And I've been around for a handful years now and let's just say the trust thing and the earned thing and the volunteer element of a step parent. This is moms and dads. It's a tough gig. I'm gonna Push one direction real quick. If you have a volunteer Parent, you have a step parent that came into the picture. They love you so much and you know what I'm gonna say? Something a little fucked up, but I hope that people get it. Bringing a bunch of kids that somebody else made for you to raise is not a benefit at first.

Speaker 1: 5:33

It's bad, I get it first it is another person's people is Not like you should love my kids, or else it's like hold on, you're bringing baggage. You got to slow down, slow down. You're taking a large draw from my resources for people that aren't even mine. Hold your horses. This is a volunteer job with a lot.

Speaker 2: 5:55

Yeah, you're right about that.

Speaker 1: 5:57

Yeah, that's a lot of take and You'll be rewarded with way less recognition. They will not respect you, they will try to pit us against each other, they will do all kinds of bullshit and you also have to contend with all my wounds from their, their parent, their other side, oh yeah.

Speaker 1: 6:20

And you got to deal with all the damage I'm gonna put on you from their shit and Pending if they're the asshole or not. Their shit too, for all the step parents who are out there. If you are not given maximum recognition to the, the, the honor that this person has Sacrificed for you and your people, and the bullshit of all your baggage that they took on because they love you that much, you better get you a thank you car on the way home or something. You're right. This person gave their life for all of your lives and the mistakes from your past lives and you're not gonna appreciate them. Let's make sure every day you get real appreciative Good. I.

Speaker 2: 7:10

Agree with that. Yeah, and you know to. To hone in on that, four months ago I Was at a gas station and this woman is pulling up to this. I'm at the pumping gas and and this is one of our videos, videos that went viral and if I wasn't a calm person, we probably wouldn't be talking right now. But I was pumping gas and I hear this car pull up and this woman is like and I thought she's screaming on the telephone. Well, she pulls up and I still hear her just going crazy. She gets out and I hear her slam the door and she says and you're not even my real child. I sat there for a second and I said are you having a bad day? She is none of your business. And and I looked into the backseat and here's this kid, 10, 11 years old, like this, with a head down. Well, it must not been that bad. That person in the backseat like that. She said it's none of your business. Well, you just made it my business. You just made my business. And she got pissed off and left.

Speaker 2: 8:30

But you know, role is a magnificent role, but you have to build a relationship with each one of those children that are involved in that relationship and to demoralize a 10 or 12 year old 10 to 12 year old child? You know that's not even your child. You know I came home and I was fired up. I mean I was Amy, said what's wrong with you? I said listen, just listen. And it was tough for her to. You know, it was tough for her to, tough for me to hear that woman talk to that child like that, being in that step-parent role. So you know, I just believe that it's a hard relationship. You know, if Amy, if I came to Amy with three children, that's not just my relationship that she has to build on, those are three individual relationships with three individual opinions and three individual personalities that she has to build that trust up with. And, um, fortunate and lucky for us, it works out well.

Speaker 1: 10:38

So yeah, it's a bummer to me when I watch this kind of stuff, where people who are um, not healthy get into relationships and then they pass their curses on to children. And this kid didn't ask for this lady to be in his life or her life. I don't know if it was a boy or girl in the back seat?

Speaker 2: 10:57

He was a boy.

Speaker 1: 10:58

He didn't ask. He didn't ask for this. And so here he is now, and this is where, like, I do push into, where, like I look at society's push. Um, ladies, you wanted the equality, you wanted a voice, you wanted to be in charge, you wanted to be able to have power, you want all these things. And then, now that you have it, this is what you're doing. You got the microphone and now you're going to go ahead and beat the crap out of a ten-year old little boy. Yeah, if you guys don't remember being under tennis hard, being a teenager hard, I don't think you guys remember how much that sucked. In fact, the reason you're probably an asshole, that kid, is because it was probably hard for you too. And then here you are passing on a generational curse from a bloodline that's not even his, because you don't have the awareness enough to take a damn deep breath.

Speaker 2: 11:47

I mean, yeah, I, and I mean the way she was screaming at that child coming down to the gas station. I mean I was I, I thought, like I said, I thought she was talking to in her car, mike on her car phone.

Speaker 1: 12:00

Yeah, I just you know another part of some people don't need that damn title. Here's where it gets tricky, and this is why I have a hard time with societal set up at the moment, and we're in a really weird transition phase, which is why I'm probably noticing a lot more men's rights activists are becoming women, like women are the ones who are going hey, hey, ladies, whoa, chill the fuck out. You're right.

Speaker 1: 12:22

Because, what would you have done if this was a dude who was tearing into a ten-year-old just not even his kid, and he's just just tearing in? Would you still have had the same restraint? And he tells you it's not your, none of your fucking business. Would you still have had the same restraint if that was a guy?

Speaker 2: 12:40

You know that's a good point. You know, because you know there's that barrier of strength and overpowership. From that, you know, I think society has place where a man is stronger than a woman, where I'm not going to and I don't think I would have put my if that would have been a man, I don't think I would have put my hands on him.

Speaker 1: 13:01

And this guy was doing the same thing None of your fucking business. And he starts coming to you. Yeah well, that'd been a damn story. That's what I mean.

Speaker 2: 13:10

Just like this.

Speaker 1: 13:12

She did to you yeah Right you, you just went over the top. You just said, you're a Sylvester Stallone just got turned on, so exactly.

Speaker 1: 13:20

Well, that's what I mean is societally, if we want to be treated equal and fair and just and it is person A, person B well, women should be able to do just as much as men can do. Well, if this was a man who was just and let's go ahead and flip the genders it's a little girl in the backseat and this guy is going just as hard Would you have had the same like restraint as a female losing it on a male kid?

Speaker 2: 13:47

I don't think I would have. I don't think I don't think I would have, because here is a, here is a man, you know, a man who is a provider, who was an authority figure, promoting his dominance over a kid who has no, who has no borders and no boundaries and looks to him for safety. Yeah, I probably would have stepped across that gas station Once he told me what in my fucking business? It would have been 61225. Yeah, it's my business now.

Speaker 1: 14:19

Now here's my, my actual I, just if I'm looking at, just to take a step back, Isn't the stepmom flexing her authority, flexing her dominance, her strength on a little child? It's a 10 year old boy that boy's got nothing. Just because he's a male doesn't mean he's any more equipped than a female at 10 years old.

Speaker 2: 14:39

Yeah, I mean they're both equally and everything at TN.

Speaker 1: 14:42

Yeah, and I there's no step the line because it's a lady and this is where women are kind of goofing this up is because you want to be treated the same, but we still don't treat you the same because you don't want the consequences of that equal treatment. Right, Because if that was a dude you'd have dropped that guy. But if it's a woman, she disrespected you multiple times, to your face and now and now in the public's eye.

Speaker 2: 15:10

if there and there was on the same subject scenario there was other people at that gas station, if I would have crossed the line and jumped in her ass, the people probably would have jumped in my ass for jumping on her ass when she didn't, when nobody knew the root of the root of it.

Speaker 1: 15:27

This gets me to a different thing. We would care so much to protect an abusive woman, but we would share. If you beat up an abusive man, right, what is?

Speaker 2: 15:37

that. Yeah, I just, you know that. That that's. It's a weird. It's a weird complex thought process with protecting a woman and beating a man In those two scenarios that you put. You know, is it gosh? I just, but you're right, you're quick to say you know, here's a guy who's abusive, you know, kick his ass. And then here's a woman who's being abused, let's protect her. She's the abuser oh the abuser. Yeah, I just, and this lady is fucking this little kid up.

Speaker 1: 16:22

She's that's. That's this kid's gonna have issues. That's you just saw a gas station, stop. You don't see his, his life, you don't see everything.

Speaker 2: 16:29

You don't see what's behind the house, behind the doors of the bedroom, in the backyard. I mean, you just don't see that, you don't know what she throws at him, or she puts a cigarette on him.

Speaker 1: 16:36

You don't know what this kid's got, and all I saw was him with it, like I said, with his head down.

Speaker 2: 16:43

I didn't hear nothing from him or nothing, but I mean just just just the abuse of that title. You know, it's just it, just really. It was really disturbing that day.

Speaker 1: 16:53

Yeah, we're, we're on a tricky time and just for these one scenarios. This is where, like women have fought for the opportunity for women to have their voice, they have fought to say, hey, we should be, respected.

Speaker 1: 17:06

We can have leadership roles. We, we, we can handle levels of authority. We got this, let's do it. And now ladies have this opportunity in the watch a maximum level. Abuse of it. This is why I'm watching like there are good women going, Whoa, hey, but where are the good women in this one? Because if that was a dude, you'd have knocked them out. Where's the good women going? Hey, you're the fucking problem. Where's the good ladies at when they at?

Speaker 2: 17:36

You know, I you know, it's hard to judge a book by its cover, and that sure did it. For that dude though we, we, we damn sure did, didn't we?

Speaker 2: 17:47

Yeah, we did, and you know I'm not a psychologist, hadn't even been to college, couldn't tell you about any psychology, but that woman's history you know, like you know, like you mentioned before, what was that woman's history in her upbringing to make her react to something, trigger her from her childhood to make her react like that? I don't know, sure, sure I didn't, because that's a trained response.

Speaker 1: 18:16

She sure did have something happen. Yeah, I mean there was something that made her become instantly aggressive.

Speaker 2: 18:24

Yes, I mean, but you know, but, but, rick, I go back to that 10 year old. What could that 10 year old do Nothing? A 10 year old Nothing. What could a 10 year old do in back of a car to make you belittle them like that?

Speaker 1: 18:40

This, this, this shows the lack of training by this step parent. Yeah, this shows how untrained and how unworthy this person was. Now I don't know if they have their own kids, and probably the lack of compassion would suggest otherwise. Right, which also, I mean, gets into like even just regular parenting, as hard enough as it is, but just even the step parent element. There are people who just maybe we should vet a little harder before we give them the job, right, you know, because you're putting your baby's lives in the line with the choice that you make on which person you say hey, this will be the other parent, this will be the step Right.

Speaker 2: 19:19

And you know, you know, and I thought about that comment that you just made here's this kid that's going home. When they get home, now this father has to choose what's going on with the other, has to choose what story is correct. Is this his wife, who is who's probably had some child relation issues? Do you believe her story or do you believe the child story? So you know, that's so bad. He's got an issue, the dad that that puts the dad in a in a weird predicament, you know like this, just I'll get you.

Speaker 2: 19:59

That's real spot on that. Absolutely yeah, so it's. It's probably a complete horrific environment for all parties involved. Correct, and I just I wish I could have took the kid with me that day. It's a. We got talking about nothing, let's do some ice cream. You know, just tell him where you live. But I just, she drove off like a maniac. But I just, you know, you know, the step parody is a. It's a great role. It's a hard role as well, and I do feel it's an honor to to finally get that title. You're instantly given the title, but to earn that position, I think it's, I think it's a good thing. There's some great wonderful step parents out there and there's some really pieces of shit ones, and I witnessed it.

Speaker 1: 20:49

I think this is just the people thing I'm gonna. I'll throw it out there.

Speaker 1: 20:53

I'll throw some public appreciation out there. You know, praise to parents, of course. So this isn't to belittle or to ignore or to shut down true parents. You know the parent parents, but let's go into the volunteers themselves. So my stepdad and my stepmom I have one of each. I got my stepdad Ray that's good dude. Like I got a, I got a good stepdad. And my stepmom Charlotte, love Charlotte. We had a great talk this weekend, you know. We got to have a good heart to heart to hear it out. Like you know, these are good people.

Speaker 1: 21:28

But here's the thing too that I had to recognize also is that for me to recognize the value of the sacrifice of my stepparents. It was like a decade later before I go oh, I get it now. You guys put up with a bunch of shit with no recognition. You weren't called stepdad or stepmom, you were always Ray or Charlotte, right, like, like you are a name, you weren't even a title, you were just somebody I know. And it wasn't until later that I realized all the values or the things that I learned from you, or the sacrifice that you gave or how much you put into it, that I was like damn you were, you were pretty good at that, like that was cool. Like I didn't, I didn't give you the credit you deserve.

Speaker 1: 22:20

You know I didn't say I love you to those people when, even if I did, I didn't say it until way later, right, you know? And it's one of those things where, like I, even with our daughters, there were some moments that they had to go through that were like brutal, and even our oldest had to go through some really tough stuff until she had a wake up call. And then she's like you know what I try to play it tough as a teenager. Truth is, I didn't know how good I had it and I do love you guys. I didn't know, you know, and until you start hitting a rock bottom thing, they won't do it. And the other two, never will they, ever, they'll never say right, the middle one will show it, never say it. And the last one, I got another decade until they go all right, yeah, I guess Right, exactly.

Speaker 2: 23:06

Yeah, yeah, I I can. I can relate to that. I'm the. I feel very fortunate in saying this. Whenever Amy's kids have an issue, I'm the first person they call, and to have my you know, to have my telephone ring cautious, hey, what's wrong, you know. But they always tell me, I can always depend upon you and you know, just to have that, just to have that little sector in their mind if I got a flat tire, I got a problem, somebody's messing with me, whatever the scenario comes up, as young adults they can always call and they do always call me and that's that reward we've been talking about.

Speaker 1: 24:00

Yeah Well, honor to you, bro, for being able to get to that point too. Because when you talk about earned, I have a lot of. When I do deep psychology conversations with people and I talk about the terminology we use for respect and trust, I'm like how do you earn it? You know I'll tear people down, take it to the DNA on people Like. But to say, like you know, aside from all of that aspect of it, to say I have earned the position in this child's heart to say that's my go to guy, I can say for the oldest one I'm first call. We've been, we've been through enough battles that she knows that I'll come in and bleed for you. She knows the middle one, only, maximum crisis. Then she calls me when it's really bad, then I'm involved I go to chain the command, the little one.

Speaker 1: 24:49

still, if I got hit with a meteor today, should be like that's weird. Who wants pizza Like we do? So we still got some ways to go with it. But 13 is hard, so I got to remember.

Speaker 2: 25:00

It's a very hard age.

Speaker 1: 25:01

13 is hard, and so that helps me a lot too, to remember. Like even just this will be a funny moment in the future, even me being like a behavioral expert. We're all fucking our kids up, just so you know. If anybody thinks they're the best parent. We're all fucking our kids up, no matter what. We'll accidentally be doing this and we may not be giving them our generational curses our parent had, but we'll give them new ones that we made up for them.

Speaker 1: 25:25

So, like I've even had people whose parents were so good they don't believe their life makes sense and so they sabotage all their good things because their parents did too good of a job and they don't deserve it. Like you can't win, no matter how good you are. It's fucked up. So like all we got to do is teach our kids how to deal with fucking shit. That's life.

Speaker 1: 25:48

And so I've gotten to the point with the 13 year old, because 13 is just like it's the be a dickhead face. That's what 13 is. You got to be. Like whatever, I don't care, I'm talking to my friends Like it's just that face. And so I've gotten to the point where I'm like listen, I'm going to go straight to bribery at this point. I'm bribing, I'm like I tell you what every time you just do general kindness, I'll give you a dollar. Just, I just fucking try and I'm low hanging fruit Like you can just like. Hey, rick, did you see this video today? I'm like that was very nice of you for sharing. Here's a dollar Like I'm low hanging fruit at this point because, like 13 is, that's hard.

Speaker 2: 26:31

And so I'm just really compassionate, yeah, yeah. I put the broom in the corner. Here's a dollar.

Speaker 1: 26:38

Yeah, I'm like fuck it. Yeah, did you sweep the floor for everybody?

Speaker 2: 26:41

So nice, here's a how many people's in a room, five here. Here's fucking $5.

Speaker 1: 26:48

You could. You could give me a high five and I'll give you $5.

Speaker 2: 26:51

Like, listen. I'm in.

Speaker 1: 26:52

I'm, I'm at this point and it gets tough because, like they don't really get it. And so I'm at that point where I'm like I got a pocket full of dollars. I wish you'd just, will you please just get some of these dollars, will you please? Exactly, exactly. I'll let this dog out. He's losing his mind.

Speaker 1: 27:08

Okay, we're so live. It hurts, all right Now, but it's, it's fun with the kids, man, it's, it's fun to watch. But I just know that I just cause I know how this works, I'm like, oh, in 10 years, when she's like, thank you so much, like I'll get it, I'll get it. I just got to put my decade in, man, I just got to put in my decade of my good life, my good years here, my resources, all these thankful years, just so later, later on, they'll be like yeah, I guess, thanks, like just waiting for but for you.

Speaker 2: 27:41

When is that decade start?

Speaker 1: 27:45

So like 13, 15.

Speaker 1: 27:48

So we're about six years in right now. But I think that usually cause you already know around in the twenties is when they get enough life under their belt where they start going like oh, I get it Because, like you know, in the teens they're like we know more than you, how can you do? And like you've never done it before. Right, you know and like, and they don't understand a lot for those things either, because they never had to, and that's just right. Being a teenager, you know. So they know more, cause everything's gone the way they want it to, because they don't understand how it comes to be that it's gone the way you want it to. Right, they're like it's easy. They're like I'm going to get my shoes. I'm like where'd the money come from for shoes? And then where do you put the shoes when you have them? Right, All these factors around you, you didn't do anything to get.

Speaker 2: 28:39

Right, yeah, yeah. I remember a friend of mine told me he, he and his sister, his sister had gotten in trouble and she was 15. And his dad was like the, the, the sister and the dad were arguing about something. And he said I'll sit and listen to it. And he said he said Scott, dad told her go pack your shit and get out of my house at 15.

Speaker 2: 29:07

So she went back there to her bedroom, got a suitcase packed, the whole suitcase, brought it back up to. He said come here, come here. And he said bring your ass here. He said what she? He opened up a suitcase, took everything. She was what are you doing? He said don't interrupt me, it's my house, took everything out of it One change of underwear, one set of clothes, and got a Walmart bag and gave it to her. She was why are you doing all that? And he says you ain't got a fucking job. I bought all of it. That's my suitcase, my. She went up there, sat on the steps, went down by the stop sign about two or three hours and of course this was in the 80s back and back by the stop sign and came back home because he was hungry about four hours later realizing hey, you know, I really fucked this and up.

Speaker 1: 29:50

I like the hard line. I wish you could hold them. These days we're an interesting time for hard lines. Actually at train hard lines it's hard with kids, especially the step parent. How many step parents are emasculated when it comes to talking to the children. Man, like that's not your kid, you can't say that Right, or you can't punish them. That's not your kid. It's like, yeah, but I'm the man of the house, I still should be able to have authority here. It's like not over that one. I supersede you with that one, they're not yours. How many people kind of goof that one up? What do you think?

Speaker 2: 30:25

I think it's. I think it's a very large number and I think that causes marital issues. You know, here you are married and you and you got these step kids and I'm trying to get one of their ass and you're telling me I can't. Well, now you and I have a problem, especially if you tell me I can't get onto them or I shouldn't have been that hard on them in front of the child. That lets that child knows, even though you're the man of the house, you don't have no authority anymore, Like you just said. So you know, I think it goes to a second level where hell I can't discipline the child. And now you're correcting me in front of them will mean you got problem before we even start talking about the child. So yeah, I bet the numbers a lot larger out there than is perceived or than is shown. I bet it's a big number.

Speaker 1: 31:23

Yeah, it's pretty wild to watch too. Now I'm going to throw out a couple of different things here and then hear your opinion and also honor one of my friends to Chris Burkett for the to be better podcast. Him and I were talking about this. We talked about the order for priorities, like what should it be in? Should it be like you know God, you and then like kids, and then relationship? You know like what's the order for your priorities? Should kids be above the relationship? And you know that's their kids and you're the step parent, you know, as a step parent, should relationship be underneath authority for kids? And he said no, it can't, can't be that way. He said if the relationship fails, the kids get fucked. But if the kids are doing okay and then you're not okay like your relationship, you have to go like everyone. It fucks everything up. Make sure you two are solid and then the kids will be okay. But if you say the kids first and then let's get to you, a lot of times the step parent doesn't get gotten to, especially the men. The women will be burnt out and then, like intimacy and love and compassion and listening and kindness go out the window because they're fried, because the relationship is a lower priority. And he said I agree with him on this one. He was like no, no happy marriage, no happy kids, like that's. It's the other way around. You have to be okay with your partner, you do, and then the kids get the residual from this.

Speaker 1: 32:47

Now, second part as the guy for Andrea, like when I said, baby, I love you, if I'm coming in, if they're at our place, I'm the, I'm the dad here. We don't, we don't, you don't get to go. You can't talk to them that way. It's like if I'm with you, they're my kids. You don't like it. You got to be with a different kind of guy, like that's going to be it. So if I'm like you lose privileges, or that's not going to happen that way, or you got to talk to me about that, if you don't like that and you're not going to agree that I have your best interest, in the child's best interest at heart. If you don't believe I'm that guy, we don't, we can't do this.

Speaker 2: 33:28

This isn't going to be a thing you can't gravitate together, you can't.

Speaker 1: 33:32

Yeah, you can't call in the shot as the, as the alpha of this house, cause the reason you all get to be kind of assholes today is cause I keep the assholes who make you unsafe away. And so since, since you don't even know that you're safe because of me, you guys get to make this place chaos. You're welcome, absolutely.

Speaker 1: 33:52

But, if, if I ever have to correct chaos, because that's a little too far past the line, I get to do that. And if you're not okay with that, you need to be with a guy who doesn't have any money, morals, high ground, who doesn't have your best interest at heart, who doesn't stand for anything. You're going to need one of those, because you won't be able to deal with a strong male, right? You need to get a weak one. Then you'll be maybe happier, right?

Speaker 2: 34:16

That's it. That's it.

Speaker 1: 34:17

They're like I don't want that. I'm like well then, when I call a shot, back me up. That's it.

Speaker 2: 34:23

So all you do is, and if there's a problem with that, then then I think the wife and and the mother need to take care of that. Off the record, behind the scene, you know I'm, you know, um, you know I, I remember I was a young sailor and and my department head, we, we had a and it's it's funny that you mentioned that we had a, a meeting. I was stationed in Iceland, up there, and frozen ass world Iceland. I mean, I went from. I went from Jacksonville, florida, the Catholic Iceland, talking about going from day to day tonight. But, um, it was a small community up there and, uh, they had department head meeting every Tuesday and he'd come in and tell us everything that was put out. He said I need to tell you what happened this weekend so you don't hear any bullshit. This is what happened. I spoke to the captain it's all cleared, we're good. And his little son was named JJ and they were they were biological parents.

Speaker 2: 35:23

The kid that came in and the mom had told him to do something and Rick was sitting in his head. His name was Rick too. Rick was sitting in his chair and the little boy said I'll forget what it was. The little boy said I'll get in a minute. He said I looked over and I said come here. He said, sir, come over here. He got close to him and he popped him in his mouth and the kid and it kind of it didn't bleed a lot, it just it just broke skin a little bit, started crying and the wife said hey, you hang on just a second.

Speaker 2: 35:57

He said let me tell you something. He said look at that woman over there. He says he says stand up, stand your ass up when I'm talking to you. And he made him stand up straight. He said look over at that woman. He said who is that? He said that's my mommy. Oh no, it's not, it's my wife. You're in my house, that's you will never disrespect my wife in my house.

Speaker 2: 36:17

He tells you do something. Unless it caused you to be hurt, you're going to damn do it. So that's all in the realm of step parent. But you know he put that out there to us because he wanted him to know. You know, because in Iceland pregnancy was rampant. Man, I mean, people were just having pain because they're not due of their set of drinking, have relations. And he said you know, before he get his parent role, he said you know, it's a, it's a bad job out there, it's going to push you to the limit. So but I just thought that was kind of a unique story at a five year old, how he said hey look, I'm Alpha, that's my queen, this is my house. So I just thought that was kind of a cool thing you did to him.

Speaker 1: 37:05

It may make sense. I think that today has pushed the boundaries of like, like, being able to do a course correction, has now has been judged, blamed and shamed. To try to make Alpha's self submit so that we can have a world of weak people, call the shots. So make you self censor and shut yourself down so that you like because think about like even that story. How many people would be like you should never hit a kid and she should never have. You should never. And they'll start doing this thing to say like, no, that was a course correction, he didn't close this, that child Right.

Speaker 2: 37:48

And that was everybody's comment. That was everybody's comment. How could you?

Speaker 1: 37:51

hit a kid, that's. But that's the point. Is what if you this is where people like me come in and I'm going to rattle the cage People like Neil come in. I'm not saying, you know, like that was right or wrong, I'm going. Well, that was a course correction, no different than like telling your dog not to shit on the carpet. Like as a course correction. It's not meant to be destructive. He's not breaking bones, he's not tying him to a radiator Like it's nothing fucked up. It's just like hey, wake up. This is going to hurt, but you need to feel that to understand that there is herd associated with herding mother. There is do not disrespect this woman because there's a cost to it. There's a price tag and I need you to understand the price can go up based on a fence and I'm going to train you young.

Speaker 1: 38:37

No different than the concept here that makes sense is do you know how they break circus elephants from like, not just ripping the chain out of the ground and running away? So when they get a baby elephant, they'll have like a big, like chain, a big thick chain and like a big lock thing they put on its foot, like on its leg, and that little baby will pull and pull and pull and like I'm just trying to get out, no matter how hard it pulls, it's just that chain is just way too thick, it's too strong, and it will do everything it can until it goes. I guess I can't get out of there and so it'll create an association to. This is impossible, I can't get out, so I'm going to stop even trying to fuck with it and then, after that happens, with that baby elephant, you can. You can just tie a regular little rope around that thing's ankle and the monster it is.

Speaker 1: 39:35

It'll never even try to pull it out. That thing could rip that thing out in a second when it's a grown adult, but even as a grown adult it'll have an association to. You can't pull against that, it'll never. You can't beat it. And that's kind of the same thing where, if I tell the boy when he's young there's a cost and you don't want to have to pay the cost as you get older. And as you get older he's like I know that there's a price tag to disrespecting mother.

Speaker 1: 40:02

That's my mama or that's. You know, that's my stepdad's wife and I'll have honor and dignity and I'll defend my wife too in the same way. And in that way that he's done that, he's taken that kid and going hey, I taught you when you're young. There's a small course correction, but there will be a course correction Right, and from that moment he no longer has to hit that child because, well, I learned, if I pull on that, that's not going to work Right. And that means from that moment on there is way less abuse to a kid who's been course corrected than people who aren't doing proper course corrections.

Speaker 1: 40:42

And this is something that I would challenge. You know, especially with today's generation, that correct course corrections. Now, I'm not saying like backhanding and making the kid bleed is necessarily correct, but there is going to be some level of if you fuck around you'll find out that needs to be associated with the man of the house. That's tough today. That's tough today because, like you know, even the, the, I'll pack your bag for you and here's a Walmart bag. Go to get, go, get lost. Like you could easily have child protective services there.

Speaker 2: 41:18

Right, I'd be called Everybody has your, everybody's got DHR on. Speak down number one.

Speaker 1: 41:23

But there's, there's a price tag to these things too, you know, and kids don't understand too. What if that shit works? You lose your family, you know. So you think that you're going to call the parent, like, oh, if you don't do what I say, I'll call protective services. These dumb dumb don't understand. You lose your family, end up in foster care Just like that, and you may not get a good one. There may be a bad home they're not all wonderful, some of them are good, but there's some bad ones. You may end up in a bad one with another, with a bad kid who's in there, who does bad things to you, and all because you want to prove a point to step dad or step mom. Yeah, and people don't understand. There's a heavy, heavy toll to not doing course correction Right, and this is a. This is a real world.

Speaker 2: 42:05

I remember when my son you know, when my son went to school, you know they they'd bring home daily journals and it'd be like green light, red light, yellow light, but you know very, he was green, like today, he was red light day and he came home and he kept running up the steps and running down the steps. I'm like son, quit running up and down the damn steps, dude. Well, I'm trying to make myself tired, I will go do something else. Up and down steps, up and down steps. So he did it one more time. He said come here, I took your shoes off and I spanked the bottom of his feet and I heard that on Dr M rom for y'all. He ran up at that steps. So the next time he put his shoes on and he put on the steps, he remembered Well, if I run up and down these steps again, my dad's gonna beat the shit up on my feet.

Speaker 2: 42:59

And so so, going back to the school where the journals came to play, he kept screaming out in class, being rude to the teacher. I told him. I said, son, if you bring home one more red light and you screaming at this damn class, your ass is mine. And he was probably five or six. Sure enough, he came home the next Monday or Tuesday blurting out class screaming at teacher. Alright, come on. I took him outside in the backyard, had him stand on a five gallon bucket, I put him in his underwear and I got a metal pot and a wooden spoon and I had him bang on that pot and scream and I said, if I don't hear you screaming behind this door, you're not screaming loud enough.

Speaker 2: 43:43

Ah ah, I wanted to give him a little bit of laryngeitis just so he could understand the next time I scream. Oh, hold on a second. I remember what happened last time I got caught screaming. So you know that, that behavior. You know all parents teach differently. But I had seen that episode on our early episode of Dr Phil about child behavior, about correcting it, how they messed up and I thought, well, hell, I'm fixing to beat the shit out of my son's feet. I can turn here and run up and down the steps and he didn't run up the steps anymore.

Speaker 1: 44:21

But yeah, it's tricky on those. I as far as agree or disagree, it's not really relevant either way. But as far as the steps one, I can see the steps one, the, the public embarrassment one, though I think that one can kind of get trickier because it may make him no longer try to do things that could be potentially risky for his own, like he won't start a business or he won't draw attention or he won't ask a girl out or he won't like anything. That would be a public embarrassment. That one could be a little different. Just as far as I look ahead, slapping your feet like this is where the the impact on things I even say this too like the. We discount discomfort far more than we think we should, and here's what I mean by this. Would you rather take a punch to the face from a grown man or have wet socks for one week?

Speaker 2: 45:14

Me personally, punch me once.

Speaker 1: 45:17

That the wet socks is so uncomfortable?

Speaker 2: 45:20

Yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 1: 45:22

But you're not going to. It's not a damage, it's wet socks, but it creates problems.

Speaker 2: 45:29

It's a continuous period of that uncomfortability which causes problems down the road.

Speaker 1: 45:34

Right, and so a lot of times just we discount how powerful discomfort is. But public embarrassment can can mess up like I don't want to do a speech at school. I don't want to be noticed anymore. I feel ashamed of who I am. I'm not a good thing. I'm not good because they all laughed at me and I've had to help people work through those traumas. Because they won't start a business or they won't ask a girl out or they won't try anything risky. Because if they get noticed it's embarrassing and like the attention becomes not good because I had so much negative attention. Wow, and so it's.

Speaker 1: 46:12

It's hard to figure out what's a good association punishment, because sometimes we'll do way more damage with the correction Like the foot one. That's just, like you said, the punch in the face. It's gonna be uncomfortable, but I'm still me, right. But if you do a total embarrassment or a total like destroy who you are as a person, one, well, that one's a little different than the like my foot hurt for a minute Like a butt spanking is more appropriate than public embarrassment, right, you know it gets tricky to figure out like well, what's the best way to do this, because nobody trained me how to do this. I'm kind of fucking winging it Right. I just want the damn kid to be respectful and that's it.

Speaker 2: 46:51

That's it. Be respectful. Say yes, ma'am, no, ma'am, learn your manners. And I call them red lights coming home. Let's get some green and yellow, green and yellow.

Speaker 1: 47:00

I used to do stuff that would just be leaning into discomfort. You know, like weird ones too. I used to try to be creative with it because I didn't want to beat the shit out of the kid. I had my ex-girlfriend. She had a young son and a young daughter and I raised him for like it was almost eight years and they were good kids. It was a tricky time for everybody.

Speaker 1: 47:20

But the boy, sweet kid, but man, he would hard way that shit, he would hard way it and I would have to do stuff. That was like I didn't want to hurt him so I would just make it uncomfortable. Well, he liked playing football at school. Well, I'm like, dude, you fuck around, I'm taking your shoelaces, those are mine. Well, you can't play football without shoelaces. Your shoes keep falling off but you can't take your shoes off. It's cool. And so now you just got floppy shoes and it's so uncomfortable you can't play because it's like he's like this is stupid and like he's just uncomfortable. I didn't hit him or hurt him or beat him up or nothing. I just your shoes are weird. I'm like that'll do that. You know, I'll take. I'll take small things like the Xbox and stuff like that were easy ones, but I'll take stuff like your favorite pillow. You can have the shitty pillow. Don't go take a couch pillow then, but I can't sleep well on that. I'm like I know it's gonna be uncomfortable.

Speaker 1: 48:13

You're gonna suck or you don't get the good blanket here, you get this shitty blanket. That's my blanket Right. Well, I don't like that blanket. I'm like. I don't like you being disrespectful to your mother or screaming at school. So well I? These are uncomfortable conversations. Looks like we're both uncomfortable.

Speaker 2: 48:30

That's funny.

Speaker 1: 48:31

You be cool dude, I'll give you your shoelaces, your favorite blanket, your favorite pillow. Oh that's, you can have all of it.

Speaker 2: 48:37

I keep it all back to your wants.

Speaker 1: 48:39

You go ahead and be cool, I'll hook you up, bro, you have a good life. But if you want to be nonsense, well then I guess you're gonna have to do it on a nonsense term, you know. So I try to like, lean into, like what is not as insane, but I just know that discomfort is sometimes worse than just getting slapped. Sure, you know, because, like if you had to take like between the two, you're like man, I'll take that hit way before that. Like, you know that total embarrassment thing, you know like I'll take that one in a second.

Speaker 2: 49:09

Is that?

Speaker 1: 49:11

So maybe I'm leaning in towards like slap the shit out of your kid is better than public embarrassment, hey.

Speaker 2: 49:17

I don't know yeah.

Speaker 1: 49:23

But tell him, you love him first.

Speaker 2: 49:25

I love you, it's gonna hurt you more than does me.

Speaker 1: 49:29

This is what love means, right? Yeah, we're fucking our kids up, man, these kids are all fucked. All right, just for the record, we're not telling you to embarrass your kids or publicly beat your kids and we're not saying that. We're just trying to go. Well, being a parent sure is fucking hard, and how do we know what to do? We see what other people do. Do your best, but I would say don't discount and discomfort. I'm just putting it out there.

Speaker 1: 49:54

Don't discount the value of that's uncomfortable Right. Maybe it'll save a couple kids. And then also don't scream at the kids. What a useless activity. That lady in the car, what a waste of time. It was just a terror. Terror. Kid down because you don't want to do self work, man unworthy, okay, I got one for you. Help my guys out, help the boys out there, the boys, these, whether you're a husband or a step husband or step dad, like, give me the husbands that are out there. Our boys struggle. And here's the struggle. We do not want to be abusive. Fair or not fair, fair, fair. We don't want to be abusive. I don't want to hit my girl. Do you want to hit your girl? No, no, we don't want that. We don't want to hit girl. All right. Do we want to punish and starve our girls or make them feel like very miserable? Do we want to make them have a miserable life?

Speaker 2: 50:54

No.

Speaker 1: 50:55

No, we don't want that either. Okay, when it comes to the ability for a strong male to hold the line like babe, please stop doing that shit with the kid, stop losing your mind. Don't scream at the gas station at the kid and lose your mind. You can't have this like stop that stuff. What line can a man hold with a woman that would still be like, respectable, without it becoming this wild, abusive or overstepping boundaries? What do you got for advice unlike here's how you keep a healthy dynamic, even if it's having unhealthy behavior. Where's a man's line and how do you hold it? What do you think?

Speaker 2: 51:35

Yeah, good question. I believe that the line is drawn with the relationship between the man and the woman because I believe once they cross that line, you were crossing the line of our relationship, even though it's going into the next generation, being the children. You know there is so many disrespectful actions that happen with that and for you know they had to. They had to put in their mind and I may be totally wrong for saying this shit, but they had to put in their mind okay, you were married and I was married. Before we're fixing to get together, we got these damn stepchildren, you know. Back to what we said who comes first? We have to come first. We have to be a united front, even if you reached over and just totally slapped the shit out of them. We have to be a united front in front of them and then handle it offline. Because I think once a child and and man, kids are so fucking smart nowadays I mean, kids are three years old and are fucking brainiacs and ever since the abition of the cell phones and search engines, they know every damn thing, or appeared a bit, I think. If that united front is shown and there is nothing that can penetrate that, you know they have to agree when it comes to the children, because it's a unique dynamic with two different families coming together. I think they have to agree before it even gets started. On disciplinary actions, disciplinary roles. There can't be good cop, bad cop, you know. You know most of most. I think it's human nature. Most of the biological children will go first to the biological parents.

Speaker 2: 53:47

I could be wrong in saying that. That's just that's. That's where I've been, you know for, for really any type of sensitive or oh my god, am I getting trouble a Scott one thing kind of issue, but you know to answer your question in in a final line, there has to be, there has to be a solid front where both those parents agree on every term, on every level, because if not they're going to ruin that child, because that child's one thing. I've got that once I get married, I got to stay married to this person forever because my mom was married to a stepdad and it was fucked from day one. So if, if they grow up, you know getting second tier if they grow up and get married, they'll be afraid to leave the person they're with because of the step environment that they grew up in. And I could be wrong, but I just, I just believe that both parents need to be together to be.

Speaker 1: 54:52

The roles just need to be defined, they just do so I think on this one I'm gonna agree with you. I'm not gonna challenge you on this one, like it seems correct. Now what if you just can't get to agreement and like she's just not playing ball, like like you're like we need to be a united front. This is better for the kids. Let's try and come to an agreement, let's work this thing out. She's like no, my way highway. Well, what is what's a guy supposed to do here? How can he handle this scenario? What's what's our bargaining tip? What do we got?

Speaker 2: 55:29

this would be mine. You know, I'm gonna put myself in that scenario. I love you unconditionally and this is me talking to the wife. I love you unconditionally. I have showed that, I have proven that we have a major obstacle in front of us right now and it's causing a major issue, and you're telling me that I can't do this or this can't happen and it's gonna be your way or getting out. You might as well just serve me with divorce papers. That's essentially what you're telling me, and I just think that the marriage part can't be set aside for a moment. It can't be set aside for a disciplinary action. It can't be set aside for a punishment.

Speaker 2: 56:24

That has to be the foundation of it all. It does, it has to be and it has to weather through all them damn storms. And when you combine two climates together and that's a mom and a stepdad or a dad and a stepmom, those are two climates there's gonna be a lot of damn storms. And I just don't. I can't be chosen between me or my children. You married me, you wanted to be with me, and it just has to be worked out, it just has to be. What if it's a man? What if it's a man. What if it can't be? What does a man have?

Speaker 1: 57:06

What's a man got? So she's not been doing it. So then, what's a guy got? Cause this is the most common thing for guys. It's like she's being aggressive, she's being mean, she's tearing me down, she's screaming at the kids, just like she did at the gas station. These things are happening. I can't kick her ass, I can't out scream her, I can't starve her or the kids. I can't restrain her entire to. So I can't. I got nothing. I got that. What am I supposed to do? Like when I get, when we just have a screaming match with her every time she wants to lose her damn mind. Like I got, what's my bargaining chip if she's just not playing ball?

Speaker 2: 57:46

Is there a bargaining chip?

Speaker 1: 57:49

Well, how does a man hold a line if there's no bargaining chip? If he's got nothing to hold, how is he supposed to hold the line?

Speaker 2: 57:56

If a man doesn't have anything to hold, there's no reason him holding on Right. There's not. I'm not an advocate of, I'm not an advocate of divorce, but if these children and these issues are tearing me and you apart, then maybe the foundation wasn't as strong as it was to begin with.

Speaker 1: 58:14

Correct. This is a. I'm going to put something out there. So those people who don't know about this show I actually do deep work, psychology. I work with people for real. The show is just a show. This is something I do for fun. I actually do the deep work. I have a large men's group and I work with men across the world globally. Like I work with a lot of people and I do the, I will tear your curses out of you. I will go to the depths of hell with you and fight Like so people. I have a very large group of very loyal men who volunteer to work with me because I pulled them out of the depths of fiery fucking hell. I came and got them, and so they know what I really do.

Speaker 1: 58:52

The reason that I bring this up is because we run men's groups. On this one, and I've talked to other experts, I'm like what do you do when you have an unhealthy dynamic with unhealthy foundations? Now I'm going to, I'm going to give you the ending and then work back to the answer. Here I am responsible for more ended relationships than saved relationships. The reason I say this and I wasn't proud of it, because I had a video too, where I was talking to my men. I'm like there's guys getting divorces, there's guys who are leaving relationships there's happening often the more healthy they're getting. These relationships are failing and I'm like, am I failing you guys? Am I somehow causing more harm than good? And each of these guys are like no, bro, we have to stop you there.

Speaker 1: 59:40

When I chose her, I was a very unhealthy man. I was not a good man, I was not a good guy. I did bad guy things. I was not honorable, I wasn't noble, I wasn't trustworthy, I wasn't to be respected, I was not good. And I chose a lady who was at my level, who was also not healthy, also not good, also doing bad behavior. We were both unhealthy and then we've worked together and now I no longer do those unhealthy behaviors. I know my worth, I know my value. I'm honorable, loyal, noble. I do sacrifice, I protect my pack, I do good things. And she has no willingness to improve and it exposes the gap between a healthy and unhealthy person in a relationship. They're like I didn't realize I was in a toxic dynamic because I myself was toxic and now that I am no longer as poisonous, I'm realizing the poison that she brings to my life and I have to remove that poison and so on.

Speaker 1: 1:00:45

This one when I talk to relationship experts because the guy's pulled me back to dude, you're my fucking hero. You didn't destroy my marriage. You revealed it to me Right, and in this moment. This is where I said the only card that I see for men today we can't hit, we can't starve, we can't abuse, we can't. Those are off the table for men right now. You are a monster and you'll be shunned. People will lose their jobs, People will lose their livelihood. Their reputation will be destroyed. You can't do any of these cards. The only card you have is removed provision. It's autonomy. That's the only card which means I am independently able to leave if you ever abuse me and I believe this is healthy for both sides Both should have the ability to go.

Speaker 1: 1:01:34

It's not a threat, it's not an ultimatum, it's not in your face, it's not put on the table every argument, it's just. If this ever gets really unhealthy, just know that I have the ability to go, but I choose you. I'm not stuck, I'm not trapped, I'm not I've got no options or I'm too codependent and I can't leave. I am going to choose to be with you every day. I have options to go and I proudly choose you. You're my person Happily every day. You're my person on purpose. But should you ever get abusive? Should you just start feeling back handy one day, or should she start going? I really am into texting other men for attention and you go. These are non-negotiables for us.

Speaker 1: 1:02:22

I have autonomy and remove provision to go, and it's the only card that I've seen that's healthy for men to say babe, if you don't treat me well, you don't get me and all of the things that I come with safety, security provisions, the fixing the things around the house and doing the stuff, all these things that you have, the ones that come from me, you don't get those anymore. You don't get the privileges of all the things that come with me if you treat me poorly. Right and this is something where I think a lot of guys I run into have fallen for the fact they think marriage is codependency. It's 50-50, you complete me, the Jerry Maguire, you complete me, and it's like hold on. No, it's 100, 100. You're right, that's what it meant to me. Together we are better and being in a relationship should be that it's better together than if we weren't together at all, and if the value of not being with you and not any other person, just not you at all is higher than with you, that's the health of your relationship.

Speaker 2: 1:03:34

It is. You're right with that, and I like the number terminology 50-50,. No, because you've got, if you're only giving me 50%, you've got 50% where you can exhort that somewhere else. 100 and 100 is together and it should be like that with every subject, every title, every emotion, every issue, and I agree with that 100 to 100%.

Speaker 1: 1:04:03

I've been challenging this for over a year now. What is the healthiest thing a man can have in a relationship? And women. I have a women's group and women things that I've run groups and I'm doing things for. I believe women like to win, they don't like to compete and so they don't want any other competition in the game.

Speaker 1: 1:04:21

They just want to win and with this and with that, they wanna make sure that they control all the factors. And so guys end up in highly codependent relationships where they give all of the resources to the other side. So they have all of the power and all of the control. They control the finances, they control all the say of things, they control what's bought, what's moved, what happens there, pays all the bills. These guys will go to work and give all the money and all the power to the female, and then the guy is treated with very low respect, low empathy, low dignity. He is treated very poorly, as though he does nothing, and that's why I think there's a big push too for women to be like more housework from you, more housework from you. I do everything and we're looking at this and going. He just worked 70 hours this week Just because you got the check from his work doesn't?

Speaker 1: 1:05:11

mean he didn't do anything. Where they're like, and I noticed this, and this is something where women are, I'm free to throw in their two cents. Whenever I work with women's groups, I noticed they keep track of the number of tasks completed In individual tasks, count, like oh, there was four pairs of shoes around the house, so I did four tasks to put them where they go, and I folded the laundry and I did three loads of laundry, so that is five more tasks I completed. And all you did, scott, was went to one job. You just went to work. Like, wait a second, scott does a lot of really difficult shit at work, though you just count that as one, right? Yeah, that's just one thing. I'm like you do a very dangerous and hard job. Like you count that as one and you count it shoes as four. Well, hold on a second.

Speaker 1: 1:06:00

Yeah, right, right right, I'm measuring this, yeah, and so I'm noticing the measurement for these things, where I've got guys working 90 hour weeks doing jobs that are life threatening jobs or dangerous, and come home and the girl's like you don't do shit around the house. I'm like you can't do his job Not don't want to do his job, you can't. And he worked 90 hours. You're like, yeah, all you do is that one thing is work. You're like 90 hours is a lot.

Speaker 2: 1:06:30

Yeah, you're never home for the kids?

Speaker 1: 1:06:33

Who do you think he's working for?

Speaker 2: 1:06:35

Right, the family, the kids, the house, the luxuries, yeah.

Speaker 1: 1:06:39

So the autonomy instead of codependency, it seems like a requirement for a healthy marriage. I don't promote everyone get divorced, but I also don't promote trap yourself in an unhealthy situation to where you can't leave if you're abused.

Speaker 2: 1:06:56

I agree with that. I agree 100%.

Speaker 1: 1:06:59

And so we're in a weird time right now where people are trying to force compliance without autonomy. You need to give me everything you have. What's yours is mine and what's mine is mine. And then they're rewarding women for divorcing men, and this is something I don't agree with. That's why the divorce rate is mostly women filing for divorce is because they're rewarding bad behavior for ladies, which is going to expose women and it's gonna hurt women and it's gonna leave a lot of lonely women. And guys are gonna unify. Guys are probably gonna start creating their own empires on stuff, and they already are Guys. I'm not red pill, but I can understand the guys who do that. I don't know if you're familiar with any of that stuff. So there's guys who they have like mig towel movements and things like this. This is called men going their own way. They're like done with bitches, done Really.

Speaker 1: 1:07:55

Yeah like these ladies. They have burned me in every way. I run a business, I have this, I have that, I have this, I have cars, I have money, I have all the things. I have good friends, I have love of the hobbies, I'm a good dude and every woman I'm with just wants to take everything I got. I'm done with these girls, I don't need them, and so the guys just go in their own way.

Speaker 1: 1:08:15

And there's a lot of business owners who look at marriage now as if this was a business deal. This is a terrible business deal. I wouldn't do this business deal. Let me get this right. I pay for everything. I supply all of the resources for everything you need for safety, security and all the elements that make your life good. And should you just have an emotional moment and just decide you're fucking done or you wanna go and do whatever you wanna do, I not only lose half of everything I've ever built, I also have to continue paying you afterwards, and we don't even have to have an agreement for the reason you don't wanna do the deal anymore.

Speaker 1: 1:08:54

You can just change your damn mind and somehow this would be a good business deal.

Speaker 2: 1:09:00

They're like I have to get. I have to get a different business license.

Speaker 1: 1:09:05

Right, like I think I'm gonna stay out of that business deal. It seems like a bad deal. And this is even more frustrating is the morality for women has gone down lower, so these types of guys who have those can now also prey on the vulnerability of women who don't have morals. They'll just sleep with the guys who have potential, and these guys have no intention to keep them at all, so they can just burn insurance to as many girls as they'd like, which, if you're gonna give it up, that's on you. That's a moral choice. So I don't judge anybody. That that's what you do. That's what you do. But it's created a transactional lifestyle that's becoming more and more popular and that's a weird thing to watch, because the families die Like there is no family anymore that that goes away and we're in a weird time where people seem to can't wait to do it.

Speaker 2: 1:10:02

Mm-mm-mm.

Speaker 1: 1:10:04

You know, the other way is if you watch the universe 25 stuff which is a little psychology stuff but if you get into, like what happens when things are all good, when good men create good times, when strong men make good times you've heard those things. Well, we're in the good times. What are the biggest problems people have? Like we're in a time where we can just go like you don't agree with what you should call me, you should go to jail. Like wait a second, you didn't call me the right thing, so you should. That's not a thing.

Speaker 2: 1:10:36

But that's what it is now.

Speaker 1: 1:10:37

We're creating problems. Yep, because there's no problems, we're gonna make them then. Then I'll just make some emotional.

Speaker 2: 1:10:45

Make a problem up.

Speaker 1: 1:10:46

Yeah, people have anxiety about things that could go wrong, because nothing's going wrong.

Speaker 2: 1:10:54

You're right about that.

Speaker 1: 1:10:54

Yeah, oh man A lot of times when I'm working with people on this stuff, I'm like, can we look around for a second? Are you actually in danger? Well no, but what if this happens? What if? I'm like? I know the what ifs, but are you Take a look around Like you're worried about lions attacking you today? Are there any lions Right? Well no.

Speaker 2: 1:11:17

And I think, if you know, on that line, I think people, I say that most people need a little drama in their life and if there's not drama, I think they wanna create a little bit, just to have a little bit of a. Okay, I feel important because I said this or I thought about this, or I think it just kinda uplifts them. That's probably a bad word to use, but no, it's actually, I think there's.

Speaker 1: 1:11:47

I've got some theories. It goes against traditional psychology, but I think that it's gonna work really well. I'm gonna do a little foreshadow on some things I'm doing when I'm working with women, on some things I've noticed and I want your opinion. Now, please challenge this stuff, just for like fun sake. Just have fun, okay. Okay, so I believe there are parts of women that are in there. Now, just so you ladies, before you get all up in arms, I believe there's a positive reason for it, but it has a very negative note to it at first. So here's one. Here's a theory. In a relationship, women are the chaos. They have a chaos element built into them. Just like you said, when there is peace, people need drama. Who's most likely to create an emotional drama? Now, before you, ladies who have never dated other ladies go, yeah well, guys, do that too. Listen first. Listen before you start doing your traditional point, the finger blame game. All I'm making is an observation that women are the chaos. What are your thoughts?

Speaker 2: 1:12:56

You know. You know, I believe that the women carry a more emotional. I'll stop there. I think women are more emotional than men. I think most of them are. Am I like being in my relationship, being in the past? So, as far as the baggage is concerned, there, you know the women have because of the emotional fortitude that they have I don't know if it's called fortitude but of the emotional foundation, they're just really more emotional than the men are.

Speaker 2: 1:13:46

So that comes with that drama and it does. I don't think it's sought out, I think it's just naturally embedded. You know I ran over a roach, so did I. But the roaches lay there and suffered and you know again. But that emotional part goes back to, I think, biology, how they're designed, how women are developed, because of the once a month emotional cycles they go through. So I think some of it wouldn't be as bad if it wasn't because of that. But I do believe that women are more emotional about things than the men are in a relationship and if it's not something that is said correctly or done correctly or a task that wasn't done, maybe during that time where they're a little bit more emotional, that might have been. I think it causes an issue.

Speaker 1: 1:14:47

Right, so naturally the chaos feels more dramatic, right Like there's more drama involved. Now it's not just the one cycle. They only have four hormone cycles in a month, so like they're going through like multiple hormonal cycles throughout the month. So it's four and so it's even more complicated because you don't know, like even they don't know. Just so you know, when I work with women they fucking hate it too. Just so you know they don't like it either. They're like I don't, I don't, can't control it. Like one second I'm good, next second I'm crying because like I couldn't find my pen, like I don't know why. That's a thing you know. Like she's like I hate it too, I don't like it.

Speaker 2: 1:15:25

Right.

Speaker 1: 1:15:26

And so ladies don't like it too. But we lean towards. The chaos element is drama. They create trauma, which it's there, so we can't deny it's not there. And the ladies don't like it either. Here's the positive side to it.

Speaker 1: 1:15:38

Here's why I believe women have chaos. Chaos just means it means out of routine, it means something I didn't expect, it's out of order, it's not orderly, it's spontaneous, it's exciting, it's wild, it's untamed, you know. And so I don't believe that chaos is necessarily a negative thing. It's just leans that way because women do rank three times higher in negative emotions than guys do. That's why they gossip, that's why they, you know, do all their negatives talk and they complain more than guys do, and it's by a lot.

Speaker 1: 1:16:11

And so I believe that the positive element of chaos is if you came home and your girl surprised you like I love you and like surprised you, like whoa, I didn't expect it. Or a surprise party, or like we're going to go celebrate tonight, and you're like I didn't even know we were doing a celebration, we're celebrating you tonight, I just decided. You're like that's not on the routine, I didn't plan that. Or like surprise, she pounced on you and surprise sex is happening or something we're like whoa, that's out of this, is all spontaneous, this is all. This isn't orderly, it's not part of the plan, it wasn't on the calendar, but she's fine and exciting and I didn't see that coming Like well. That's still chaos. It's not order, but it doesn't have to be drama or negative it doesn't have to be.

Speaker 1: 1:16:57

But I believe there's an element of flow and wildness to women, because they're emotional, that it can also be very positive. So this would be a training. Then You're either trained and understand that you can be a positive. Let your chaos flow, but be the positive chaos, be the wild one who does the thing that's fun. Be playful, spontaneous, just like you used to be. I'm calling out the data Just like you used to be cool, remember.

Speaker 2: 1:17:27

The used to be terminology is a tough one, isn't it?

Speaker 1: 1:17:30

It is sure is tough. All right, I got another one. I got another one. Women are never satisfied. What's your thoughts on women are never satisfied?

Speaker 2: 1:17:45

I believe that women have a certain I don't know if it's taught to them I believe women have a certain expectation and then if you're lucky you being a man if we're lucky, if we're lucky enough to reach that satisfaction in different areas, you know, and all across the different areas, you know, some are very hard to satisfy and some are very easy to find. But I think once you reach that level where all the blocks are checked off, I'm boring. Does it become? You know, you say they're not, they're not always satisfied. Does it become boring? Well, he does this, this, this. That's everything I want the man. Well, I saw this on TV, or I saw this on TikTok, or I saw this online. How come he doesn't do that? But does that make it? Does that make her not satisfied anymore?

Speaker 2: 1:18:47

I don't know if a woman is fully satisfied personally and professionally during their age at the same time. You know, like my daughter is a 30 year old real estate agent. She's at the peak of her career right now. If she's killing it, she's a. I mean, she is, she's just a gorgeous model, you know. But she's not satisfied. I'm like how are you not satisfied? You know, I mean, here you are, you could be a model for any magazine, any book, any company. You're the number one real estate agent in Wyoming. You drive a 20-24 year old Mustang, a 20-24 Mustang. How are you not satisfied? I mean, you have everything, you have everything. So you know non-satisfaction come with age. You know.

Speaker 2: 1:19:45

To reverse the question back to you, they're not satisfied or they're not satisfied because of the age plateau that they're in. I mean because does a 50 year old like Amy, 54 years old? Does she want the same thing that my daughter does? Who's 30? Absolutely not. So the level of satisfaction is different, you know.

Speaker 2: 1:20:08

So I think it's age-driven, with the women and not being satisfied because at 22, 23, you don't know what the hell you want. You just don't. I mean you just don't. You're just now paying a rent, you're just now making your own damn car payment. At 30, all you give a shit about is making as much money as you can and getting every materialistic thing in the world you want. At 54, like Amy and I, we're ready to hang it up and call it quits. We don't give a shit. So you know.

Speaker 2: 1:20:44

But to say that they're never satisfied, I think it's based off of their age. I just do. And I think once you, once you start thinking about retirement, you know and I say retirement if you're 25, if you're 30, if you're working a job where you're paying them 401k, or a simple IRA you're an aggressive IRA, whatever, and you're kind of thinking about retirement. But when you get to the 45 year age plateau, in the 50 year, and you're really thinking about retirement, what is left to be satisfied? So I just think it's age driven, with the satisfaction part of now. If you're a man in that relationship and you've been through all those satisfaction levels from 20 to 30 to 40 to 50, you did and you survived it. You need to fucking pray, man.

Speaker 1: 1:21:42

You need to pray dude, because you went through the trenches with that shit, yeah, right, they're gonna tell you all the things you didn't do, right? Yeah, but you could have done it.

Speaker 2: 1:21:52

The satisfaction is based off, you know, not being completely satisfied. It's based off age, off of their age and their maturity.

Speaker 1: 1:21:59

So I could be wrong, but that's what I believe it's opinion question. So like if everybody's offended, whatever, you found something you need to work through. I think it's a good answer as far as that goes. It can be definitely age related. That goes for almost all of us too. Like what I wanted when I was 18 is different than when I'm in my 40s. It's not the same kind.

Speaker 2: 1:22:18

Completely different, completely different, isn't it?

Speaker 1: 1:22:21

Yeah, it's very and so like it's a good answer. I think it's a good answer, especially for ladies, and I think they won't completely disagree. Especially women who are older and have more wisdom will be able to go like no, I can at least identify. That's different for me now. So that's fair Right, I have a positive version of never satisfied. Is it going to be a little more traditional, probably, but I believe that the reason throughout history because, remember, burden of performance wasn't put on women until just our almost our lifetime, like before, like you know, even leave it to beaver and all that shit being a stay-at-home mother was a highly honorable position. It was, it was. It wasn't like oh, you're just a mom, it was like respected. Also, I do believe that the combinations of technology have really complicated being a stay-at-home mom that's maybe a different topic where, like what used to be like hand washing clothes or really like cooking dinner, like really like chopping all the things and doing the work for has turned into one button or peel off the plastic.

Speaker 2: 1:23:24

Yeah right, I agree.

Speaker 1: 1:23:25

That's really taken away from a lot of the value that goes into, like you know, doing that job. So that's also maybe been a part of like the technology has taken away a lot of the nobility to it. But you know, aside from that element, the never satisfied part to it I think that that was there to be encouraging to your spouse and your partner. I think part of hypergamy is that you choose a man who has high potential, you know like he has the ability to do great things and part of a woman's role. When I work with women I'm like what do you want your job to be? They actually really enjoy being a solid support. It does feel fulfilling and good to like build your man and make sure he is good.

Speaker 1: 1:24:10

You know the burden of performance has put a large toll on this generation of women and a very small percentage of women are actually pulling it off without having you know. Issues come up from all the stress that comes to do it. Being burden of beauty and burden of performance is. I do not envy that job at all. It's very difficult to do and so, with the never satisfied system, I think it was supposed to be to help push in a very positive, encouraging, cheering way your guy, way past any potential limit he would have chosen for himself.

Speaker 1: 1:24:45

The reason why is us guys are pretty happy when we check all the boxes. Everybody eat, we're all full, that's it. Everybody safe, we're all safe. Nice, is the house working? No leaks? Yes, like you're going through and like do we have cars? We have them. Yes, like all my boxes. Good sex, good sex, baby. Yes, all my boxes are checked. What do we do now? Let's enjoy the fruits of our labor and now that I have accomplished, I'm going to chill out for a little while. Now an unsatisfied woman's going to go baby, I know you did good, that's it.

Speaker 2: 1:25:31

Now comes her check box.

Speaker 1: 1:25:33

I think we can get more. I think you've got more in you baby, and I believe in you.

Speaker 1: 1:25:37

I think you could take it to the next level. You're like, do we need the next level? It was like, no, I just know you can do it. You're like, yeah, I guess maybe I could do it. Let's get the next level together, baby. Okay, you know what? Maybe we can next level this shit. Let's do that, and I think an unsatisfied, healthy version of that will help build your family up.

Speaker 1: 1:25:58

Because remember and this is something I would challenge our guys are natural givers. I don't believe women are natural receivers. You know I'm not trying to push polarization, but even the physical design of it all Men are the giver, women are receivers. That's just how I build. That's also why, if you look financially, his money is my money and my money is my money. That's not give mentality, that's take mentality. But guys are the givers, in which case, if she builds her man up, everything he gets goes to her, so it's her best interest. To build up a good man in a healthy way, which means never being satisfied will help him break through his potential barriers. That he would stop at complacency for winning Because winning is the worst thing that can happen to us. Because now that I won, what am I fighting for Right, exactly. Well, she's like baby get more. Think so, yeah, we got this.

Speaker 2: 1:26:59

Yeah, the Toyota turns. The Toyota turns into a BMW. The 2000 square foot house is a 3500 square foot house. The mop turns into an electric sweeper.

Speaker 1: 1:27:15

But I think it's one of those things that's built in because times were so tough before that for a guy to achieve his potential, they're required a good team. I believe that's in there for a healthy thing. What has it turned into today? Nagging, complaining, disposable relationships I can always just get better. Swipe right dating sites. D-a was blowing up getting social media attention and you're like man. This can also go really bad if we go the other way, but I believe it's built in to be positive but not trained. This turns into a very toxic woman.

Speaker 2: 1:27:55

Right, I agree with that.

Speaker 1: 1:27:57

I got a whole list of these man Like. There's a whole bunch of these things I have for our ladies that look like this, where you're like these are right, they are there. They worry more than guys do. There's more worry in them. Well, is that good or bad? Well, sometimes we miss shit because we're overconfident. Right, right, it may be a good idea to pay attention. Fair enough, that could go wrong. You're not wrong, right, you're like no, I think that if I put this here, that'll heat it up faster than maybe that may blow the whole house up. That actually could blow the whole house up, you're not?

Speaker 2: 1:28:31

wrong.

Speaker 1: 1:28:32

Yeah, don't do that, right, Fair enough, like, so I've got some theories on this, but it's cool to play that game. Aside from going this direction, what would you say? Like man, I got some experience advice from me and Amy, if we can just tell people like guys, do this shit, you won't argue so much. Like help people. What would you help people with to remember?

Speaker 2: 1:28:58

Yeah, you know.

Speaker 2: 1:28:59

You know, the one thing I want to say to anybody, you know, because you know on our tip top page we get a lot of I wish, probably our followers are probably 75% females and they are, and you know they relate to our relationship and you know to answer your question is is put that person first.

Speaker 2: 1:29:26

I mean, just do it, put it first, you know. You know everybody has a different love language and they do, and I didn't really understand that until about eight years ago. I didn't. But the one thing that I could tell people is that nothing comes first in this entire world except Amy. They just don't. They just don't. I don't give a damn what it is. If I'm having a shitty day at work, I look at my phone. There's her picture and I just take a. I just take a little bread for a second.

Speaker 2: 1:30:06

You know marriage couples you know a lot of our comments on our page are you know you do this, mine doesn't do this. I wish mine did this, I wish mine did that. I wish mine did this. I would. You're so this, you're so that, Well, I'm not so that that's just who I am, and who you marry is who he is Once you change that person, then he's not who you married and so and that goes both ways I mean I love Amy today the same amount of love that I have for her the first day. I told her that it didn't change, and I do that because she has, like you said, earlier, built me up and vice versa.

Speaker 2: 1:30:59

You know, you know Amy's a highly sought out medical professional in our community and she has them fucked up days and she does. You know she can't tell me names and stuff because of HIPAA, but she has them fucked up patients and fucked up days and doctors and nurses, the techs and you know my job is to lift her up. My job is to say, hey, look here you walk through this door, that hospital shit is done. You know you're not assuming another role, you're leaving that one out that fucking front door. And you know we have fun with each other. We never, ever, never, ever disrespect each other and we just don't. I've never talked down to her, she never talks down to me. I mean we.

Speaker 2: 1:31:48

What's weird about my and her relationship is that we are so fucking polar opposite. And I say that because I work days, she works nights. I sleep with my wife two weeks out of the year. Now, most people don't have that part in their relationship. Most people just you know the normal 40 hours sleeping in bed every night. But the one thing I can say is one thing I can say is love that person. Show that person that you love that person and make that person number one. There's no fuck them kids. I got a big platform on our thing that says fuck them kids, fuck them kids. The wife and the husband comes first. If you're starving, starve together. If you're eating steak, eat steak together. If you're having a flat tire, have a flat tire together. You know, it's just once you realize.

Speaker 2: 1:32:53

Somebody told me about six years ago that they didn't believe in soulmates and I looked at that. I was like what? You don't believe in a soulmate? Hell, no, you know. When you found the right person, I was like, well, she says when you find your version of fucked up and I thought about that for a second I said, well, can you explain that? Yep, and that person said when they know all your downfalls, they know all your triggers, they know all your secrets, they know all your triggers, your happiness, what motivates you, and vice versa. You have found your version of fucked up and you'll be happy ever after. Here we are, amy and I. Yeah, thank you, but I just you know it's, it's, it's, it's, it's. We don't work at our marriage. I think and I learned this about 10 years ago Once you start working at a marriage is the day it starts failing, because you're pretending.

Speaker 1: 1:33:55

Oh.

Speaker 2: 1:33:57

I heard that shit, Rick, and it I. I was floored by that. I was like what? And I thought about it. Once you start working at a marriage and it doesn't come natural, you are starting that part to go away.

Speaker 1: 1:34:13

You're pretending, yeah, Once you betray the authenticity of the relationship, then you start having to work for it.

Speaker 2: 1:34:19

Yeah, that's it, and I thought that was some serious shit. That you told me one day and and I'm who I am, I'm, I'm who I am. In the morning I get out of bed hyper as hell and when I crash shit, it's like the Titanic, it's gone. But between then I'm full steam of hell of 80. Everything that I do revolves around her. Everything I do. And you know, I think once a child sees that, once a stepchild sees that, once our grandkids and we have three of them who are very cognizant about what's going on in our lives once they see that me and your pop are good, you know, mom and a mirror girl, or mom and Scott are good, you know, dad, they're good. And I think once they see that, it's a good thing. And so that's what I would, you know, that that's what I would say Find your version of fucked up and love like there's no tomorrow.

Speaker 1: 1:35:18

Yeah, that's beautiful man. That's pretty good. I like that. I like that a lot, Well said.

Speaker 2: 1:35:24

Feel free to use it. It's not copyrighted.

Speaker 1: 1:35:27

No, no, we're definitely posting that and I'm claiming all of it. You claim it all. I'm just going to dub it with my voice. I got you.

Speaker 2: 1:35:36

That's your voice, that's your. Yeah, just give a shout out.

Speaker 1: 1:35:39

That's pretty beautiful and it's a good foundation. It's also a good reminder, too, that we train our people how to love us. And yeah, we have like a 50-50 following. It's really weird. I show people our our algorithms where, like about 335,000 or so I don't even know the numbers, I don't even run it we have a bunch of people follow us and it's 50-50. Half men have women. Really it's 50, right down the damn middle. It's amazing, wow. And people are like how did you pull that shit off, especially since I'm a men's, a men's expert, and I'm like don't, I don't know, man, I don't know. But it's one of those things is a reminder that we, we train our people how to love us. We train them, we train them and so, if they're like you do what I wish my husband would do, well, you trained them how to love you.

Speaker 2: 1:36:27

That's it, that's it.

Speaker 1: 1:36:29

How much do you reward them for good behavior and how much do you complain and nag them? You trained them how to love you and if you were right about that, and if you were good behavior, he would do the same thing.

Speaker 2: 1:36:39

The same as that thing. You know, you. You, you're right with that. It's that you know, you're taught how to love that person. You are because people love differently. You know, and they do. You know, I may have loved one woman differently than I did, this one. And then this one, then this one, and here I am thinking, if I didn't love her this way and I go love this woman this way, that one failed, so I'm going to change it. And then this one here I'm going to change this one. What the fuck am I doing wrong? You know. And then I mean it was us. You know, I hate I won't say it again, I promise but I found my version of fucked up.

Speaker 1: 1:37:17

Yeah, it's a win.

Speaker 2: 1:37:18

But it's that's that's.

Speaker 1: 1:37:20

That's fun, that your goal is find your version of fucked up and fuck those kids.

Speaker 2: 1:37:24

Fuck them, kids yeah.

Speaker 1: 1:37:27

Just like to make sure what that means, cause like, like, uh, it can easily be misconstrued, right, what do you mean? Fuck those kids. What do you mean by that?

Speaker 2: 1:37:35

Well, um, kids, you know that's what started kind of our popularity a little bit with with our page. Um, because if some bitches want everything they want it, then they don't care. They don't care who's your phone bill it is, they don't care who's what your rented is, they don't care if you're on their insurance. Uh, if some bitches don't care, I love them. I love them with all my heart and I'm like you. You didn't believe, for you Cut me. But damn.

Speaker 1: 1:38:09

I mean really thank you afterwards. That's it.

Speaker 2: 1:38:12

I bought you dinner and you're on your telephone.

Speaker 1: 1:38:15

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 1:38:16

You, you would pay your light bill again, fuck yeah. So I mean, so you know, uh, our platform was it started the popularity of, of, of FTK and, um, uh, it was basically, hey, we have grown a kid, we have we have grown kids, but fuck them, I mean, they are just complete, they, they, they cost more money when they move out than they do when they're leaving them with you.

Speaker 1: 1:38:44

What? Don't, don't, even, don't mess with me. Man, I'm getting excited We've got one going to college next year.

Speaker 2: 1:38:48

Let me, let me tell you something. Oh man, never, never let them move out.

Speaker 1: 1:38:53

Never, never. What's about to happen to me, Scott? Well, let's see here.

Speaker 2: 1:38:58

I'm going to give you a psychic reading. Um, if you, if you're still paying the cell phone bill, you'll keep paying it. If you're still on insurance, you'll still be paying it. Um, the health insurance, you'll still be paying it. Let's see here Um the debit card or credit card that is authorized user, that shit's not going away. Hey, I'll know. Um, it's, it's, it's the it's. The one thing that pisses me off about those kids who are getting ready to move out, like yours is, is them fuckers say I know, I know.

Speaker 1: 1:39:34

They sure, they sure do. Yeah, hey don't do that, oh, I know.

Speaker 2: 1:39:38

And then when the I know happens and the fucking consequences come in, guess who they fucking call hey dad, hey Scott, I told you people don't do that, yeah, so I mean it's, it's, it's, it's all, it's all of the, it's all of the lessons that we have tried to teach. We have tried to teach them through that 17 through 21 year of age and that they just like okay, they're good, and they're like oh, like you, you're like oh, see, here we go to college. We're kind of sad. We were throwing up at the party.

Speaker 1: 1:40:15

I'm not sad. No, don't do that. I've already got the balloons blown up, don't get in. I'm ready to go. I've got plans for that room we got the last one out and he was.

Speaker 2: 1:40:26

he was in a rental house. He was causing problems in a rental house, wouldn't pay any bills. I'm like you gotta be fucking kidding me, man, I mean just kidding. You can break it, but I mean it's it's, it's it's, you know, it's it's the things that we teach them, that we think they got and they do the complete opposite.

Speaker 1: 1:40:49

They don't got.

Speaker 2: 1:40:50

They don't they don't, scott?

Speaker 1: 1:40:52

Scott, you're coming from just life experience. Imagine having a dad who's a behavior a human behavioral expert. I call psychic readings on these motherfuckers like months in advance, I'm like most likely going to do this, they're probably going to do this, that boy is probably going to do this. Don't be surprised, they do that. Where are their parents do? Oh, this is most likely what's going to happen. And you know what's even more frustrating? I have like a 99.9% success rate.

Speaker 2: 1:41:20

That's fucking awesome.

Speaker 1: 1:41:22

Yeah, how fun is it when, like wow, I'm right again. Like they hate it. I got teenage girls. They hate it. I call boyfriends when they're going to break up with them, like two months before. I'm like that's bad behavior on. You got to watch out. I don't want to hear that, I don't want to hear it. And then he's breaking up because he needs to work on himself and I'm like does he, does he know?

Speaker 2: 1:41:44

that kind of guy has already got a good job.

Speaker 1: 1:41:44

I mean a guy has already got a girlfriend. No, he's working on himself. I'm like, okay, well, that seems unlikely, but let's you know pretend, and then we'll see him a week later Holding other girls' hands. I'm like, is he still working on himself, or is that me wrong again?

Speaker 2: 1:42:00

And you know you hit the nail on the head about predicting what's going to happen. You know, I mean I mean two months ago, you know, we told our daughter look, you're tired. Well, you're tired, you fucked up, don't be fucking dicking around, go get some tires. Four days later, please don't say not to me. What, what better going to happen? I'm on the side of the air state. You got a fucking flat tire, don't you? Please don't say not to me. I went over there so they care of it. Didn't say not to her, but it's just so. Yeah, so you know that's what to expect. You know, it's just that initial 21 through 24 age. That just you know. I have to be so fucking dumb. What's going on in that head?

Speaker 1: 1:42:50

It's their jobs. We've been trying to do a little differently and so I've been really trying to be like listen, I am understanding your development into independence. We try to wean them off, and so I was like all right, you're about 30% bills now and now we're going to take it. You're going to next notch the bills pretty soon. You're going to be independent.

Speaker 2: 1:43:14

How'd that work out for you?

Speaker 1: 1:43:15

This so far it's working. We got like they're working more, they're doing their jobs, she's doing her things, like, so far, going that direction. I know the middle one is going to probably be the one who's like let me keep doing the credit card thing, Like that's the one who I'm like oh, we're doing adult games. Well, we'll give you more adult responsibility and more adult privileges. You have to pay all of these and all of these. And so we push our girls into the independence real hard. So, like we, one of our girls, she was playing sports and she got a mild concussion and she drove herself to the doctors and paid her own co-pay and before we do it, it happened.

Speaker 1: 1:43:54

We're like where are you? We were live actually, when we found out we were getting the messages and we're like where are you? She's like I had to the doctors and we're like what? And so we ended our last life and we went to the doctors because she went and took care of all her own stuff. We were like congratulations, she's great.

Speaker 1: 1:44:13

Well, that's our girl way to go. So we really push the effort on independence. But they don't know yet what they don't know, and so they taught me. I've got remember. These are the three teenagers. I got five females in this house and me, so I'm outnumbered every day.

Speaker 2: 1:44:31

Every day. It's a lose-lose situation, isn't it?

Speaker 1: 1:44:34

I already know.

Speaker 1: 1:44:35

And so for those of you, out there who are like, you're in my prayers, like listen, it's already a lose every day for me in here, but they taught me a long time ago that being right is stupid. And so I just wait around with the med kit. Now I'm like the stove will burn you if you touch it. Yep, I didn't say don't touch it, I just said the stove's gonna burn you when you touch it. And then I'll sit there with the med kit like who's going first? Right, they're like we're not gonna do that. You know we're not going to. I'm like I'm just gonna leave the med kit right here on the counter. I'm gonna go in the other room where I cannot see anybody leaving this here, can't see anybody. You girls, I know you'll make the right choices and then in the middle of the night and I'm like who needs a med kit?

Speaker 1: 1:45:29

I knew you were gonna touch it, Did all did. At least your sisters watch you touch it and they're like we told her not. We told her not to do it. We knew. We knew. I'm like you learned right. Look at the burns. You learned. We did a good job. All right, let's end this. I didn't say don't, I just know you're gonna. They taught me being right is stupid, so I just wait to be wrong.

Speaker 2: 1:45:50

That's the way to be wrong.

Speaker 1: 1:45:52

There you go. It's interesting, yeah, having having this game with the kids. I'm not looking forward to what you just said, though they caused more outside. Like man, we've been trying to wean them off. What are you talking about? Teenagers it's a it's tough life, though I have to remember and this is something for all of you out there who have teenagers Teenagers hard, you got to remember it's hard.

Speaker 1: 1:46:18

Everything's changing, especially we got like 12, 13 year olds. Remember, before you go, this fucking little asshole, before you do that, that is like one of the hardest years, for both boys and girls. It's one of the toughest years. Everything's changing, hormones or through the roof. It's really difficult. Don't be mean to your teenagers.

Speaker 2: 1:46:37

They're gonna Right.

Speaker 1: 1:46:38

And you but have the fortitude to remember instead of calling them names.

Speaker 2: 1:46:43

Remember like 13 is hard 14 and it's harder for them because of the power of the cell phone.

Speaker 1: 1:46:52

It just is.

Speaker 2: 1:46:53

I mean the biological part is hard, I mean just the foundation of it. But once you get driven into social media, do you're seeing everything? It just makes it so much more difficult for those 13 year olds. I mean, look, somebody asked me all day would you go back and be 21 again? I was like you're idiot. I would never go back and be 21 again. Wait do I get to?

Speaker 1: 1:47:19

keep my mind If you put this brain in a 21 year old's body.

Speaker 2: 1:47:26

Different story. I'll be rocking that shit at 21.

Speaker 1: 1:47:29

Different story 21 year old youth with this wisdom, I'm gonna fuck some shit up.

Speaker 2: 1:47:36

Hell yeah. But I mean going back in 21 and ignorant with the brain of 21,. You couldn't make me do that shit all over again. I would mind having some years back in my life, but I was ignorant and I was overseas during all that shit during 21. But I couldn't do that shit again.

Speaker 1: 1:47:52

I'll take youth with wisdom. I'm not gonna go back to the youth being wasted on the young.

Speaker 2: 1:47:57

I'm not gonna go back to that nonsense. Exactly, exactly.

Speaker 1: 1:48:01

It's an interesting part. But yeah, love on your kids. It's a rare job. You've had them all move out. The emptiness things are real thing. Who struggled?

Speaker 2: 1:48:10

the more.

Speaker 1: 1:48:10

Is that her or is that?

Speaker 2: 1:48:11

you Amy.

Speaker 1: 1:48:14

Yeah, the emptiness yeah.

Speaker 2: 1:48:19

And I think because of the nurturing part, as fathers we're trying to build them up to say, hey look, this is what we have, what we got, what we do, what we provide, the structure. I was taught at a younger age and I thought it was kind of cool. You know, I was taught to cook, I was taught to wash clothes, I was taught to iron, I was taught to just kind of be a neat person. My sister was taught to change the oil in the car, change the tire, change the string on the weed eater. And the two philosophies behind that, for me, never depend on a one for these things, the other one never depend on man for these things.

Speaker 2: 1:49:12

I thought it was kind of interesting. That was back in the you know we're talking, we're talking the early 80s, you know. And then you know, before we had access to anything that we have access now. Where something goes wrong, you just YouTube the shed of it. But it's tough being that age and I just can't. You know, like you said, don't be hard on the kids. You know they're going through a, you know a mental mind game that they're old self right now. But it was hard on Amy, you know, for her to let them kids go out.

Speaker 1: 1:49:48

So it's tough for her. It's really tough too. The internet, I think, if I have to look forward, if I'm looking from, like, the psychology point of view on this, I believe if we look into future generations and they go wait, you were giving little kids like. You were giving this to a child like are you out of your fucking mind? Do you know what this thing does to kids brains? You can't do that. Are you crazy?

Speaker 2: 1:50:11

Right.

Speaker 1: 1:50:11

Like I think the future Russell, look back, like you might as well just giving them guns and bazookas like, yeah, what do you? What'd you give them that for? That'll mess them all up, and it did. I watched really closely the studies and this stuff has been happening for a while now. You know the studies on what social media does to children. It has an effect on boys. It is destroying girls.

Speaker 2: 1:50:37

I bet so. Yeah, because there's. So. There's so many different things out there that a girl has to be, and I didn't mean to interrupt. But if a girl's on social media and she's 14 and she sees this other girl who's 14, how come I can't look like her? How come I can't be like this? How come I don't look like her? Why don't I look like that?

Speaker 1: 1:50:58

Yeah, I'm just I'm glad I'm not. The comparison curses in every single woman I've worked with and it's somewhere around like right when they start developing.

Speaker 2: 1:51:05

So like 11 to 12.

Speaker 1: 1:51:07

Yeah, and you. Even more ironic is whenever I help women break the curses for these comparison curses or self-worth or self-esteem curses they were all put there by another woman. That's an interesting thing when I have to go like who put that there?

Speaker 1: 1:51:25

and it was mom or my aunt or my step or my friend, or now we got social media and remember when we grew up in, like you know, the 80s, when we were growing up, well, your comparison circle was like school or community or work, you know, and you were limited to maybe at most a couple thousand people.

Speaker 2: 1:51:46

The most Now billions of people.

Speaker 1: 1:51:50

Billions. It's global. It's the point zero, zero, one percent and you can't compete with global.

Speaker 2: 1:51:56

You can't the hottest chicken Brazil.

Speaker 1: 1:51:58

The hottest chicken Russia. The hottest chicken Japan. And here you are, 14 years old, in middle school going. I don't look like any of this, why? And so now you're supposed to compete, and then that's the attention they're getting and all these things, and I feel like I'm not good enough. These comparisons are put in there. Young guys, don't give us much of a crap, what's?

Speaker 1: 1:52:20

even more dangerous is girls do reputation demolition for bullying and cyberbullying. For girls, it's not even close what they do to each other than what boys do. It's not even close. Really physical with.

Speaker 2: 1:52:34

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 1:52:34

Yeah, cyberbullying is off the charts for girls. They create anonymous accounts and demolish a girl. Demolish and remember the whole wet, socked thing. Yeah, what would you rather have? Somebody push you into a locker or someone decimate who you are as a person. Which one do you think is worse? Would you rather push into a locker or someone destroy your soul forever?

Speaker 2: 1:52:59

Yeah, submassive locker.

Speaker 1: 1:53:01

I'm getting out of it, and that's why we're seeing the psychological effects on the boys are not even close to the psychological effects on the girls. Right Social media, I believe, is the weapon against women and this is this is my, my hypothesis. I'm putting it out there because it does create a inability to be authentic because of the highest levels of comparison across the world. Right and a burden of beauty is still on them and they're comparing themselves to everyone. Right, it's impossible.

Speaker 2: 1:53:36

Yeah, I just possible. I couldn't be a female in today's world, but if, if I'm social media driven, I just could.

Speaker 1: 1:53:48

They all are, though, they it's like because, remember, they need acceptance and approval, mostly by other women, not by the boys, mostly by other women. And the way you get that is you have to have certain apps, you have to have certain, you know popularity, certain likes, certain types of posts.

Speaker 2: 1:54:05

Right.

Speaker 1: 1:54:06

Right, that's. We've talked to our girls about this. We've even removed the certain apps we're like. This is so unhealthy. I think Snapchat is one that we do.

Speaker 2: 1:54:15

Yeah, yeah, it's one of the healthy app. Yeah, very much so, yeah, very very much.

Speaker 1: 1:54:20

We've caught our girls like doing very unhealthy things with these apps because they're designed to do so and there are no defenses because the social pressures are off the charts. I'm putting it out there and I'll even put in like there's the teenage boys. If you guys think that, like you have, your boy is on the up and up. There's a few things. Your boys are using their phone for it's sports, video games, hanging with friends and mostly pornography. It's just a mobile porn hub for your little dude, just in case you're curious.

Speaker 1: 1:54:53

He's looking at every weird thing he can. Now I was studying the pornography effect. It's not as devastating as people want to make it out to be, except for maybe the women don't want to compete, they just want to win elements. So don't look at other women, so I need to control that element. But I was looking at like the psychological effects where it doesn't really fuck dudes up that much, Like they'll look at that thing and they'll go okay, cool. It's kind of like I like that pizza, but that pizza didn't define me. I liked it but I'm good, I moved on. Like it's that kind of thing where most of it's an effect until it gets into like extremes like addiction, right, I just I can't stop doing it every day, you know.

Speaker 1: 1:55:35

Then it gets into extremes. That's anything. Even if I took too much aspirin, I fucking die. So, like anything extreme is going to have an issue, but for the most part, like, the psychological effect is like very minimal, like the guys aren't? They still do their jobs and they still go do their things and they're not in depression and they're not, their anxiety is not through the roof and if anything, it's got more medicinal benefits than it has not because of oxytocin and stress relief and shit. So you're like. So you're like that's a tricky argument, I know you just don't like it, but it by itself isn't doing much damage, as social media is to our girls, and I'm like. So which one of the social media is better than porn? It's like not, if we look at what's happening, because the kid watching porn isn't suicidal, but this girl on social media is, and that's scarier. This kid, she can't sleep and she's not taking care of herself because of social media. He jerked off four times a day, which one should be trying to stop.

Speaker 2: 1:56:40

Right? Hey, I have to cut my time short. I'm sorry. I just got some husband things I got to take care of. It's time for Amy to go to work, so Speaking of husband things, yeah, he goes Speaking of husband, things Right.

Speaker 1: 1:56:55

Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2: 1:56:57

I've enjoyed my time with you today and it's been great knowing you, meeting you, talking with you, learning from you, and I've learned a lot from you today and I hope we can chat again soon.

Speaker 1: 1:57:10

Yeah, yeah, we'll be in touch being at such an hour, thank you.

Speaker 2: 1:57:13

Awesome, thanks, man have a great weekend.

Speaker 1: 1:57:16

You too.

Speaker 2: 1:57:17

Bye-bye.