110. Happy Spouse, Happy House with Christina Robertson

Marriage: a journey of self-discovery, partnership, and, let's be honest, some hard truths about gender roles and emotional labor. Christina Robertson from Happy Spouse, Happy House joins me to pull apart the threads of what makes or breaks the marital bond. We traverse the landscape of modern relationships, scrutinizing the importance of self-reflection and emotional maturity. Who said marriage was a finish line? We're here to tell you it's more like an ultra-marathon, where the sweat and tears pave the way to a deeper connection and understanding.

When we picture the balance of responsibilities in a marriage, do we still see the scales tipped by gender expectations? Christina and I question the traditional and progressive roles ascribed to husbands and wives, recognizing that the line between support and control can be a tightrope walk. It's not about splitting everything down the middle; it's about bringing your whole self to the partnership. From the division of household chores to financial contributions, we dissect the meaning of equality and how striving for a true 100-100 partnership can shift the paradigm.

The heart of our discussion beats to the rhythm of empathy, intimacy, and the transformative power of service within a relationship. Owning our actions, stepping into our partner's shoes, and tuning out the societal noise tunes us into the frequency where real intimacy flourishes. We explore everything from the impact of social media on women's self-perception to the myths of unconditional love. So, buckle up: this episode isn’t just a conversation, it's a movement toward authenticity and deeper, more meaningful connections in marriage.

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:09

So, all right, welcome back to the battlefield of the mind. This is Rick, and again I'm here with Christina Robertson from Happy Spouse, happy House. Christina, give him a quick rundown on who the heck you are, and then we're going to go climbing on men and women's problems today.

Speaker 2: 0:29

All right, my name is Christina Robertson y'all. I am a mom and a wife. We've got five kids. We home school. We live in southeastern Arkansas. We moved from the hustle and bustle of Northern Virginia, just 20 miles out of DC. We were tired of that suburban city life so we decided to move to smaller town, southern living. I am a content creator, influencer and marriage guru, slash coach. We love helping couples in their day to day life. Just help them restore their marriage and become better.

Speaker 2: 0:59

The issues that are going on today is that marriage is is now being portrayed as something that's bad and you know it's like the end of your life and you get into it and you get sucked into this. You know ball and cane and all this stuff society says. But really it's a beautiful blessing. You just got to know what to do and how to do it right. But most of us were never taught that.

Speaker 2: 1:19

Most of us were never taught how to be married. I mean, if you really think about it, none of us were said this is how you do it right. We were just kind of figuring it out as we go. So a couple of years ago we were just struggling with some things and we just realized that our marriage was not in a good place and we just need to fix it. So we just started coming on social media and sharing what we learned and it turned into a whole big thing and that wasn't even the goal. But now we're trying to take things and help as many couples as possible. So I'm just super excited to be here and thanks for having me.

Speaker 1: 1:46

Yeah, excited to have you on. Let's rock and roll. Let's just jump in and get some teeth into some stuff. All right, christina? Today's society, killing marriages Women are doing their things, guys are doing their things. Now I work with men and you represent our women. Let's go ahead and say what grinds my gears. That needs to be worked on. If you can make some wishes and we can go ahead and fix some shit, what would you start with?

Speaker 2: 2:13

Okay, first of all, we have an issue in this society with lack of accountability. Let's be real. Okay, we're always in the mindset of defensiveness and deflectiveness and I want you guys to know that everything that I talk about in terms of the negative things, I was that person. Okay, I will confidently say I was a bad wife. I can say that now and I know I was a bad wife. But here's the thing I think our society makes. I don't know what it is about it, but we feel like we can't make mistakes and if we do, somehow we're just less of a person because we have flaws and mistakes. So women are so hard-pressed on being right, being in control and always making sure that everybody else's flaws are seen and pointed out, but when we have to take care of and be accountable for our faults and our actions and our flaws, nope, we can't go there. That's like uncharted waters. We cannot go there. But the thing is lack of accountability, and taking accountability was the thing that literally changed my marriage. My husband. I literally would tell him all the time you need to change, you need to fix this, you need to do that, and he was actually changing some things and working on things. But me, I was like he's not changing the way I think he should change, okay. And so I was getting frustrated because I wanted all these things to change. But and I was praying God, fix his heart. God, please change him.

Speaker 2: 3:41

And what happened was I realized I had a moment where it was just like my husband literally told me I think we should separate. And that was gut-wrenching to me because I was like, oh my, this is my best friend. I have five kids with this man. I've been with him for 15 years. At that point I was like there's no way, like I'm not going to throw it all away. Hey, because let's be real, dating in this society is not for me, it's a no for me. Dog, I ain't doing it, it's atrocious, okay. So I'm like I'm not, there's no way I'm starting to work. So I'm like what do I need to do, right? So I'm thinking about it and I'm like, okay, accountability is the one thing I'm lacking.

Speaker 2: 4:14

I kept getting so defensive and so deflective, as many women do, and telling him that it was him, you're the problem, you need to fix you. And when I stopped praying for God to fix him and I started praying for God to fix me and start pointing out the things that I need to take accountability for. That's when I had a whole mindset shift, like everything just literally went and I was like, oh my gosh, like, but it's that awareness. I'm a big on awareness. When you're not aware of something, it kind of just like goes right over your head, right, but when we become aware of something, it opens a whole new like world that we don't even realize, right? So accountability is number one.

Speaker 2: 4:52

Number two we have got to stop letting our emotions drive us in everything. Okay, our emotions, they can fool us. Okay, we can feel some type of way. We can feel offended or triggered or upset about something, but the reality is most people don't take the time to pause and think when a situation happens. Right, correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't know the exact science, but I know that your brain, when it's in a heightened state, it needs like 20 to 30 minutes to calm down. Right, Am I right? Like, is that? That's true? Right, it's different for different people.

Speaker 1: 5:28

It depends on your training level, but I'm trained. It can be even longer, but even with even with FBI negotiations.

Speaker 1: 5:36

The higher the emotions, the lower the rationale, and so when somebody is leading with emotions they're most likely going to be making erratic decisions and doing things that are not Tactical. They're reckless and it may take a while to get clarity on. So untrained, it's probably longer than 30 minutes. With awareness and training it can be around 30. And the more you do repetition and practice with tactical practice, you can get it down to like five minutes Absolutely, and that's one muscle.

Speaker 2: 6:05

I like to refer to these things as the muscles you work out right. When you want to build and bolt, go to the gym. So a muscle that we, as women, have to work on is our emotional maturity. I'm sorry, ladies, I love you, and anything I say is not meant to condemn you or judge you. It's meant to just wake you up. Okay, and again, I've been there.

Speaker 1: 6:25

We're emotional If they get offended. If they get offended, that's good because it shows them the part they need to work on. So if they're getting, if they're getting upset about what you're saying, it's not because you're being something that they're going to blame, throw or judge. It's because it's revealing them to themselves and they don't like being exposed, and so it's the area they need to heal Absolutely.

Speaker 2: 6:45

So you know, I used to get really upset, offended and triggered over everything, like y'all some of the comments I'm seeing on my, on my platforms. It would have made me cry, like literally I would have bailed out and cried in a corner. But now I'm like you know what it's all about? Perspective, okay, perspective and awareness to two big things. But when we, as women, deal with situations, if we are in a heightened state of emotion all the time, we will not make rational decisions. I mean, you've been set yourself right Like it takes that training. And so once I started to work that muscle and realize that, hey, my emotions are something that I can control.

Speaker 2: 7:24

Now, in a situation where, like, adrenaline is pumping or something scary happens, like something actually scary, not something we make up in our head happens, we have to work that muscle to say, okay, is this an actual fear? That's that I'm creating or is this an actual dangerous situation? Because fear and danger are two different things. Right, fear is what we create, danger is what we experience. So I just had to realize that, hey, just because I'm feeling some type of way about something doesn't mean I have to react on. It Doesn't mean that not saying that your emotions aren't valid, because they are valid. But you have to wonder why am I feeling this way? So I always tell women couples because I talk to men too right, you have to ask yourself in a situation, why are you triggered, why are you offended, why are your emotions high in this? Is it because of past trauma? Is it because of something you dealt with? Is it something that a fear that you're creating in your mind? Right?

Speaker 2: 8:21

But once I was able to really get a reign on that, like my husband and I went from weeks of fighting to like we can have a whole argument and resolve it in 30 minutes, like just because I myself calm down. Because, let's be honest, ladies, when we are talking to our spouse and they say something, we automatically want to be like oh no, no, no, no, that's not how it is and we want to have a rebuttal. The problem with communication is most people aren't communicating correctly because they're replying with the intent to respond, not listening right, or they're listening with the intent to respond, not to actually listen and comprehend right. So we, as women, have to be able to stop, listen, comprehend what they're saying and actually like not twist what they're saying either. Right, I know a lot of men that are like, hey, I don't even want to say anything to my wife or bring things up, or how do I send this video without sending this video, because they know that it's going to trigger something.

Speaker 1: 9:17

Right, but if we don't start the topics, Christina, is it okay if I slow you down for a second here, because I'm starting to see the pattern for how you rock and roll and we've got like 10 subjects that you just breezed through very quickly that each could be their own thing. So I can see that you've got a wealth of knowledge. You can't wait to just uppercut, and I love it. But let's unpack a couple of these at a time here so we can do some, because I can see we got a lot of cool shit to go into. Let's go back I'm going to go back to your beginning, when you get into like like the elements of just the what marriage is and then how, the accountability part I want to get into like with my women. I have a women's group that I've been working with for a while and I just rebooted it, and the foundational pieces for me are authenticity, accountability, empathy. There are three things that today's societal women are missing completely. So I'm with you when you said accountability is one of the ones. I'm right there with you.

Speaker 1: 10:16

Women gaslight their own introspection Now, if you watch men or the shows, this is. I've been saying this for a long time. This means even my 15 year old she's 16 now said it. She was like us women are fantastic at everyone else's truth. Well, gossip will share it, we'll talk about it, we'll judge it. Really great at everybody else's truth, absolutely horrendous at our own, absolutely.

Speaker 1: 10:41

The accountability element can't be there because they'll gaslight their introspection. So if one girl is out I don't know being highly promiscuous or you know putting yourself out there and you know some sort of a sexual way Well, she's just about her business or she's living her best life. But if another girl does it, she's a slut, she's a whore, she's just a detention seeker and she'll judge in a very different way. But the very same behavior is called something very different and the same thing with how you treat your spouse. Other women are just bad wives, but me, I'm the best. Well, how did you get your fucking trophy? Well, I made it myself, yeah. Well, how do we measure that you're the best wife? Well, because I'm always trying to get him to be better and tell him what to do. Like, sounds like you're just not fun to be around, yep.

Speaker 2: 11:36

So how do we get this?

Speaker 1: 11:36

trophy.

Speaker 2: 11:38

Unfortunately, a lot of women feel like it's a lot about operating in the wrong roles. Okay, so again, you'll find for me I'm very big on the Bible and Jesus and the whole thing.

Speaker 2: 11:52

Okay, I'm not a Bible thumper, I won't throw it in your face, but I'm going to tell you it's a guidebook Okay, it really does have all the things you need to know, and the problem that I was facing is I didn't understand roles and responsibilities. I didn't understand. I understood masculine and feminine, but when you really think about it, a lot of women are operating way too much in the masculine. They're trying to take control, they're trying to be the head of the household, they're trying to do all these things. So you can't sit here and like, okay, I want to operate in these, these fashions, but I also want to be that trophy wife and I want to be able to be put on a pedestal and I want to be seen as this great wife, but I'm not willing to do the things.

Speaker 2: 12:40

I actually made a video that talked about a lot of women want to be married, but they don't necessarily want to be a wife, because there's a difference. Okay, we obsess over the wedding and the dress and all the things, and we want it and we want our special day, but then, like us, a flip switches when we get married, something happens where we're like, oh, I'm married, now I got the prize right, so now I'm just cohabitating with my spouse and I can just continue to do what I want. Do men do this too? Absolutely, but we're talking about women here. But still, you have to think about this. I'm always like, okay, we think that when we get married, that that's when it stops. Like okay, we don't have to get to know our spouse anymore, we don't have to date our spouse anymore, we don't have to do any of those things anymore because we already won the prize. But in actuality, we need to do those things even more intentionally. We need to more intentionally get to know our spouse, date our spouse, learn about our spouse, because I don't know about you, but I'm not the same person I was 10 years ago.

Speaker 2: 13:40

So if you're still living each day of your life and your marriage and you're not getting to know your spouse and who they are, then you might be missing out on them as a person. Like, again, I'm not the same person. 10 years ago I was childish and immature and stupid. I lived in the suburbs, I went off convience and now I own chickens, I homeschool my children, like I'm a totally different person. Right, I'm totally different. But I had to understand that what I need to do as a wife isn't necessarily going to be just I just cook and I just clean and all I do is take care of my children and that's it, Like I actually have to be a participant in the marriage. So many people. They say we are just 50-50. That's total bullshit. It's not 50-50. It's 100-100. Okay, it's supposed to be anyways.

Speaker 1: 14:31

But we're stacking Christina, You're going so fast.

Speaker 2: 14:36

I'm sorry, I'll throw down.

Speaker 1: 14:37

No, you don't have to be sorry. You're hitting bombs and then breezing by the bombs. I'm like well, some of these really need to be broken down because they're very, very critical to why relationships are falling apart. But we're throwing down answers. I like to throw down solutions.

Speaker 2: 14:54

Gotcha Yep.

Speaker 1: 14:55

So let's go into some of these things. There's a few some hard questions. One for you in the future I'm going to come back to is what's a wife's job? I want to be married but I don't want to be a wife. Well, what's a wife's job? That has been a tricky one for my men. We're like we don't fucking know, like they're not doing it.

Speaker 1: 15:13

Now, women and they're masculine, that's a whole category of things. This means that the control element this goes into the triggers that like that that get popped in. That's the fight, flight, freeze fawn. You're going to start seeing I need control in some way, shape or form. Now, even in my new book, the control elements are connected to some sort of grieving system. Something is not right and I need to control it and I'll use unhealthy behavior to control an unhealthy thing that happened. You're going to start watching how people start trying to force control. They give up control, they try to manage control or they'll like, just just give up completely. There's cash out to the done, like you're watching people do things.

Speaker 1: 15:57

Now I want to get into what's a wife's job, but I also want to get into this element of the 50 50. Also there's I did an entire thing where I had a woman come on our show and I gave her the men's side and then later on she just tripled down and we want to equal partner. We want to equal partners. So I said, well, what does an equal partner look like? And I did an entire list of what does a true 50 50 relationship look like. I'm just going to go ahead and and you know, spoiler alert it works really well in the men's favor. You ladies think you got all the heavy lifting. Let's go ahead and cut it down the middle. And the boys are like this is vacation. We get hooked up when it gets 50 50.

Speaker 1: 16:47

So let's start off with one thing a wife's job. And then I've got a whole bunch of info I've put through my men for, like, what's the man's job? What does it mean for a man to be a safe place? Right, well, what's a woman's job? And then, what does it mean to maintain having a safe place? So I'm going to let's put it in that ballpark right now, because I think this kills marriages, expectations, all these elements that get thrown in. So let's start off with well, what does it mean if, like, she has her role as a woman? Well, what's a woman's role as a good wife? What is just that by itself?

Speaker 2: 17:30

Okay. So I had to do a lot of reflection on this and a lot of research on this and just trying to figure out, because here's the thing, everybody tells us all sorts of things that we're supposed to be and we're supposed to be keeping up with feminism and all that stuff and we equal rights and all that stuff. So this isn't to say that you have to do this like the exact way it's laid out. It's not to say that a husband can't be a stay-at-home dad, or I'm not saying any of those things. Everyone's situation is different. Women's marriage is generally should be the same, but the details are different. Like, we all find about the same things, we all go through the same things and details are different. So, as a wife, we're the nurturers, we're the ones who are supposed to keep up with the home and make it a safe place for our family. Meadow is saying well, we're outside the home, you're inside, though my husband actually keeps telling me well, the house is yours. I'm like no, the house is ours. He's like no, no, no. What you're not understanding is the home is your place. That is where you are. I'm not saying you need to be in your place, you belong at home, but more like it's your place to cultivate, it's your place to make the environment and it is safe space for your kids.

Speaker 2: 18:47

For me, so, it's not to say that, wives, you're only good for cooking, cleaning, taking care of children, it's more the responsibility. We have to be strong and I think it's crazy to me that women are like I'm strong and independent woman, I don't need no man, right? But I'm strong and independent because of my husband, not apart from my husband. So, like, if anything ever happens to my husband, I can take care of my home. I know plumbing, I know electric, I know how to change the oil in my car. I know how to do things because my husband's taught it to me. But I go off the proverb 31 women, that's what I go off of. She is clothed with dignity and strength, she provides for her family. She's an entrepreneur. I'm an entrepreneur, right, I do things to make money still for my family.

Speaker 2: 19:36

Because people are like, oh yeah, husband goes to work, he makes the money, he provides, he protects. Yes, women can also do the same thing in terms of provision. Right, we can help out. There's nothing wrong with that. I think when people hear stay at home mom like oh, she just sits at home and cooks and cleans and takes care of the kids all day. That's all she does. No, you can work if you want to.

Speaker 2: 19:58

The thing is, we, as women, are to help our children grow up. We're supposed to nurture them, we're supposed to teach them, but when we are taken out of the home, we weren't meant to do both. Let's be honest. We weren't meant to work a full-time job and be full-time at home. We weren't created for that. You look back hundreds of years ago. What were the rules? What happened when women were at home? Men went to work.

Speaker 2: 20:25

That's not saying that we can't progress and women can't have jobs. Okay, because I know someone's going to come at me for that. That's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is we have to understand it depends on what season of life you're in. Right, as a wife, is your job to only stay home and take care of the kids and clean and do the things that are needed in the home, and you can't do anything else? Absolutely not. Your job is to be your husband's piece. Okay, to serve your spouse. People hate when I say that. They literally get all over me.

Speaker 2: 20:59

Serving does not mean servitude. It doesn't mean you're a servant or a slave. It means that you are your husband's support and he is your support. You serve each other. That's the problem. We get into this. Oh my gosh, a video I made went super viral. People are like freaking out about it because, like, oh, you lost me when you said serve, yeah, but serving is something that you're wanting to do. You want to do it. It's not something that you're forced to do or you feel obligated to do Something you do because you want to, because you love your spouse. It means taking care of them, supporting them, encouraging them, helping them. Right, it's not meant to be like you're my slaves, shine my shoes and pick up after me. That's not what it means. Right, you're also supposed to be.

Speaker 2: 21:44

I always say that the woman is like the neck or the spine, because she helps keep the family at right. Right, the husband's the head of the household. He's the head, he makes the major decisions, but really he leads and makes decisions that benefit the household. Right, but the woman helps keep the family upright. Because, I don't know about y'all, but my husband comes home on certain days and his mental health is not good because of what he's dealing with out in the world. I have two choices I can be his peace and create peace, or I can be the storm and create chaos.

Speaker 2: 22:19

I created chaos for so long that my husband any of y'all's husbands just sit in the driveway for 15 minutes and they don't want to come inside and they're listening to music or doing something on their phone because they know that the second they walk in the house they're getting railed Like oh my God, finally you're home. Take this baby. Oh my gosh, I have a shower all day. Oh my God, I have a shower all day. I'm like listen, I was that wife.

Speaker 2: 22:43

I get it, but my role as a wife is, when my husband comes home, I go okay, babe, I know you had a rough day, I can see it all over you. Let's go take your boots off, go sit down. You want to watch YouTube? You want to go on TikTok and scroll. I'll bring you something to eat, something to drink, snack, whatever, and you just decompress. You want to go take a shower? Go take a shower, decompress, because then my husband can take a moment to himself from his hard day and he can say right, I'm decompressed now I can jump in and help you wherever, and I think we just get in this mindset of like, oh my gosh, we're at home with the kids all day, that's what we're supposed to do, and we're tired.

Speaker 2: 23:20

When do I get my break? Blah, blah, blah, blah. I hate that break. It's a y'all. You're never going to get a break till you did. Okay, let's be real, we're going to go and go and go and do the things we have to do, because we have to do them, and the more you complain and get upset about all the little things, it's not benefiting you. Okay, so it really. Thank you, thank you, okay. Some people think that me, as a wife, I'm not doing what I need to do for my household because I go out and work a job, because I worked retail as a-.

Speaker 1: 23:57

Can we just go ahead and stop beating around the bush here? I have a big comment section. You have a big comment section, right? Is it the guys bombing on you for this one? Is it just? Men are just pounding on you? Men are just going nuts in your comment section judging you, telling you you're doing it wrong, you need to do it this way. Is it just the men going nuts in your comment section?

Speaker 2: 24:21

No, it's actually the men that are saying oh my gosh, you're a great wife. This is a great example. Ladies, you need to watch this. And the women are getting on.

Speaker 1: 24:27

So this is where I'm watching the ladies element of things. Our comment section is generally mostly positive. I have a 50-50 audience, which is super rare, and so it's 50-50, but over 97% of our comments that are negative are all women, and we have a small percentage of the white Knights who just agree with everything women say, but mostly anything that has to do with negativity, judging, blaming, shaming, criticizing, saying what you're wrong and you're a fucking bitch for, and all that stuff seems to be the ladies with a keyboard. And so if we're going to talk about, like, why are we talking so much about women? Ladies, you are revealing yourselves to everyone.

Speaker 1: 25:12

This is what happens when you have the microphone. You have a chance to be able to find this level of compassion, understanding, seek to connect. You have this, nurture, this piece that you can bring. You have all these opportunities to show now that women have a voice. Here's how we're going to use it. And now I'm listening to you, like people say this and they say this and these people are this. I'm like is it these people and they and them, or is it just the ladies? Because who are you talking about?

Speaker 2: 25:47

It's mostly women. It's mostly women. There are some men okay, there are some men out there, but can I be honest, a lot of it is men operating in their feminine when they're the ones making those comments.

Speaker 1: 25:59

So those are the white Knights, the ones who are like women do everything better and like well, did we ever want to compete or just want a trophy?

Speaker 2: 26:09

Right, and here's my thing is there's a reason that we were built different. Everyone's about. We got to be equal, everything's got to be equal. But let's be honest, it's never going to be fair and it's never going to be equal, because we're not supposed to be. Don't take my, don't twist this. We're not supposed to be equal, okay, a man cannot give birth to a baby. Let's be honest. Okay, women are not as strong as men physically. It's just reality, okay, it's just reality. But when we get in this mindset of, well, it has to be fair, it has to be equal, you're going to disappoint yourself every time because there is no such thing, because fairness is a matter of perspective, because something that you might think is fair I might think is not fair.

Speaker 1: 26:58

Well, it's become that there's a few things that have become perspective. Truth has become subjective, Fairness has become subjective, these roles of the house have become subjective. It's not about fair because fair is equal. Like if I have three and you have three, that's fair. Well, if I'm bigger than you and I get four and you get two, well, that's not fair. But I'm bigger, Well, I want three and you should have three. So then it becomes like the equality element. I do a challenge thing where it's like which one is equal? Christina, You've got three different people and you got a four foot fence. They all have to get passed. Now, one person, they're three feet tall. Another person is five foot tall and another person is seven feet tall. Now is it fair that they all have a four foot fence? Or should a three foot person get a two foot stool and a seven foot person get on their knees? Now, everybody's five feet tall. Which one is fair? What's equal?

Speaker 2: 28:01

Yeah, I mean technically doing it that way yeah, making everybody the equal size, that's fair.

Speaker 1: 28:08

Is it? Is it? Or do we all just have different gifts and the three foot guy will dig underneath the fence, the other guy step over and the other one's got to be a little bit more ingenuity to get through the fence. Like it's at neck height and so it's like is it really fair that we start chopping knees out and giving step stools, or is it just the same fence for all of us and let's use our gifts?

Speaker 2: 28:30

Yeah, I mean I agree because that's a great point honestly, because, like you said, we all have different things that we can do better than others. I have I can speak on social media and be cool. Some people are scared to death of it, like, but that doesn't mean that somebody who is scared to death of it couldn't become a bigger creator than I am right, it's just we have to do what we can with the opportunities we're given, right.

Speaker 1: 28:55

Sure. So let's just say somebody's like it's not fair that you have been doing this for two years and you're ahead of me. I want what you have now. That's not fair. Well, that means chop your knees out so I can have what you have. That doesn't make any sense to me. You have the same platform, but again, it's mostly probably going to be ladies who are just making up fairness, want to play a fun game. You want to do a really fun game together. I do real like, I do real work, so I go and get real numbers here. I made a list because I wanted to see is it really? Let's do the fair, let's be fair, ok, and I want you please, if I say something that triggers like oh, add this to the list, add to my list, please. That would be really cool. Ok, what is 50? 50 look like.

Speaker 1: 29:42

Let's say, if we go with society's push, that women are supposed to be and I'm going to get to the comparisons for the moms, by the way for you have to be super mom, you have to be a super model, you have to be a boss babe. You have to be super wife. You have to be independent. You have to be a leader. You have to do it alone, like all your kids have to match. Everyone has to have 4.7 GPAs Nobody ever. You're on vacation all over the world selling million dollar deals just in your sleep, like all these bullshit comparison social media creates for ladies.

Speaker 1: 30:09

We're going to get to that, but let's go first with the societal push that women can do everything a man can do and better. Let's look if we really make it equal. So I'm going to go through a list our guys had and then you go ahead and tell me like, let's add this list or this would be different. Ok, first one court systems are no longer favoring women. They're just equal. So dads have just the same fight, moms have. So no more calling bullshit, no false accusations. You can't just create an order of protection off of just nothing. You're going to have to have real shit and whoever the better parent is gets the kids, or it's 50 50 period. It is no. Moms win. That's gone. The dudes were very OK with this, by the way. So good dads who have to do uphill battles.

Speaker 2: 31:01

Yeah, I mean equal courts. I agree with that because, honestly, I feel like men are being taken for all they have in the court system.

Speaker 1: 31:11

So Alamone is gone. By the way, that's gone. There is no such thing, because 50 50 is, if I work, you work. So there is no Alamone. You don't get that anymore.

Speaker 2: 31:21

I mean honestly my husband says this all the time, and this is one of those topics that will rattle people is men are better fathers than women. Well, I mean men are better parents than women.

Speaker 1: 31:30

My men just did this. That's on my list, christine. It's on my men. I just did the debate with 30 guys right before this. Put a pin in that, because we're going to go ahead and do some bombs with this. Ok, so you and me, I'm with you, I'm with you, all right. Next one All the bills are split on the middle. It doesn't matter how much you make.

Speaker 2: 32:45

Um, ok, so on this one it's more like 50, 50. Well, I mean, is she working or not?

Speaker 1: 32:55

She's going to have to 50 50. Everything's equal.

Speaker 2: 33:02

I mean.

Speaker 1: 33:04

Oh, everything is equal. It doesn't matter male or female, it is just person. A person be equal. Cut it on the middle. All bills, everything is right down the middle. Equal, it doesn't matter.

Speaker 2: 33:18

OK, so this one's like I'm not saying that because I'm like oh mention, because honestly, there's times when I make more money than my husband and he doesn't get upset or butthurt about it. We're making money. Who cares Right?

Speaker 2: 33:31

We personally, we don't split anything, we put everything together and we pay it all out together Like we don't see it. It's your money, it's my money, whatever we just. But that's just our mentality. I know people that literally have separate bank accounts and they literally split everything down the middle. Ok, is that fair? I don't know. I think it depends on your perspective. I don't think it's fair that that, like you, come together and people say this is my money, this is this is my money, and you know we don't commingle anything like I don't, because the premise of marriage is you're two people becoming one, but if you're becoming one and you, everything I can already see your stance.

Speaker 1: 34:06

You're not like in 50, 50 already.

Speaker 2: 34:10

I'm not liking 50 50, just because I don't think it's necessarily that cut and dry. Oh no, you're right.

Speaker 1: 34:15

Remember, though, we're going against the societal push at the moment. This is what ladies are calling for. They're making videos. We want men to be equal to us. We want men to step up and be equal. We want to be 50 50. We want equal. I have marriages that have ended because women have fallen into this narrative. We want equal. Let's just see so. All right, you don't like that 50. Listen, it's your, it's. The bills are down the middle period. It sounds good.

Speaker 2: 34:43

And they actually have to do it, and then they're like oh no, no, no, no, no, you're starting to see.

Speaker 1: 34:48

All right. So 50, 50 bills, no argument. I don't care if you make. If you make two hundred dollars just above what your portion is in bills, it's just bills. It doesn't matter how much he makes and you make, it's the same bills for everybody right down the middle. Alamone is gone. You have to work to, so there is no Alamone. Let's see the protection element Danger drafting, firefighting, crime fighting doesn't matter. If you're a human and you're around, you're in it. So you get drafted to war now. And if there's a bump in the night, it's rock, paper scissors or a coin. Toss, baby, I'm not picking that, nope, it's whoever hears it, it's your turn. That sounds. Personally, my husband wouldn't even allow me to do that.

Speaker 2: 35:28

He's like no, no, I'm your protector Again. So I get that, but I don't that push. I'm not with it. It's dangerous, terrifying.

Speaker 1: 35:36

It's not our most proficient fighter, so it's not our best bet, but 50, 50 right down the middle. So you just became security. All responsibility for security falls on your shoulders now. Well, I do it.

Speaker 2: 35:51

I could do it if it's time to rumble, but I don't want to have to do it. That's my thing, Ladies, if it comes down to any sort of physical altercation, you're at a massive disadvantage.

Speaker 1: 36:02

It's not even a close fight, but no, we want equal. Women can do everything better than men, even stand up brawling, so let's go ahead and put it on the table. All the dirty and heavy and dangerous jobs are no longer men's work. Construction, high rise window cleaning, garbage stuff, like everything. That's like the shittiest, grossest sewer cleaning, dumb, horrible. I hate working on the car jobs. Those are just 50 50. The roof has got a leak. We're both up there. Baby Snow, just a whole bunch of snow. You get your shovel, I get mine. Every horrible, crappy job there is, we both do that. We're both doing the worst of the worst. If we got to go and shovel 35,000 tons of gravel for our driveway, get your rake, baby. It's time to rock and roll. I don't need your rake, I need your hands getting calloused. So all the tough jobs, those are right down the middle. Everyone does those. It's just people time. The housework Ladies are complaining about housework, housework, right down the middle.

Speaker 1: 37:04

Boys got housework, girls got housework. We're okay with it. I don't get. I don't get nervous around towels. I can fold them, doesn't bother me at all. You think I'm nervous? The right way.

Speaker 2: 37:17

No, do you fall in the right way, are they? Are they a two-fold or a three-fold?

Speaker 1: 37:20

This is a part of it though, remember, particulars go out the window. It doesn't matter what you like, it's just done or not done, it's equal. It doesn't matter who likes what, because nobody gets to say whose way is right or wrong. It's 50-50. It's either done or not done. So all your particulars are trash. Those are gone. You do it your way, he does it his way. Done is done. You don't get to have a say anymore. That's gone. You want it equal. He gets to tell you how to do it just as much as you tell him how to do it. Nobody's right anymore. So that's gone. All your particulars are done. Those are toast. It's 50-50. We want equal, I want equal. So you don't get to tell anybody no one's the boss anymore, it's just your job by job.

Speaker 2: 37:59

Hey ladies, is this sounding fun?

Speaker 1: 38:01

Sounded cool. We're loving it. If you're noticing, for the dudes this is going really well already. Oh yeah, you're winning. All right. The pay Same dollars for hours. We're good with it. No problem. If we're both doing the same job, we get the same pay the hours for hours. I haven't had a single guy complain. They're like that's cool, we don't care If I make 20 and you make 20, that's fine, that's cool, whatever. So there's no gender pay gap. We don't give a fuck. It's just did you work as many hours as me? Probably not. So it's just get paid for how many hours you do Same dollars. Qualifications for size, strength and skill those don't. It's just you can do it or can't do it, and if you can't do it, you don't get the job. I don't care about your gender or your height or your strength or your build or anything. Can you do that or can't do that? You don't get the job.

Speaker 2: 38:51

You can't do it.

Speaker 1: 38:52

You can't do it, that's done. You're not equal. You can't do that job. So we're going to go with the best. Most qualified, that's it. There's no special treatment, there's no affirmative action, there's no, nothing. It's just do that or can't do that. Everything's equal. It's just. All of the gender, all of the race, everything's off the table. It's just can do it or can't do it Doesn't matter. Most qualified, that's it. Emotional support when it comes to empathy, grace, compassion and validation for feelings, it's equal across the board. So you no longer get to have no empathy for your men.

Speaker 1: 39:25

His feelings are going to count now. It's no longer just about your emotions. His emotions get to be on the table and if you do, blame, shame and judgment, it shows how unqualified you are for equality. You can't handle it so that's a big one.

Speaker 1: 39:40

Guys want empathy. Put back on the table for them, because all of you ladies with the big fucking comments, you're not showing even an ounce of compassion, nurture, empathy or understanding. You just want to blame, shame and judge, which shows you don't do this one. So you want your feelings validated. Start validating your man's feelings, not his well-being, his feelings. So we want equality there. This works really well for guys, by the way. We get to be humans again. It's really cool. All right, let's see the accountability element. This is the no blame and no complain. We just talked about that. Accountabilities across the board. Hey, if I fucked up, I fucked up, and if you fucked up, you fucked up, and nobody's an authority here. We just got to own our shit and grow from it.

Speaker 2: 40:22

Extreme ownership.

Speaker 1: 40:24

Period. So we're going to go radical accountability, benefits for men, get way better Grants, scholarships, opportunities, school all of this gets better because right now it's highly favored for females Highly favored for females. So we're going to get our sons and our nephews, we're going to get them proper education again and they get the same amount of scholarships, opportunities, grants and programs that females get. We are excited about that part. We want that equality back. We're looking forward to that Choice on abortion my child, my choice.

Speaker 2: 41:02

This is a good topic.

Speaker 1: 41:05

If he's a father and a good father assume good father, mom doesn't get to just kill your baby. I want to be a father and I look forward to being a father. It's an honor to be a father. And my buddy, he made a good point because he was like my wife and I if she's pregnant let's say she's four months pregnant you know, based on the current laws they had at the time, she could still just get an abortion. And let's say she just changes her mind one day and says I don't want to be with you anymore, I want to be with some other guy. And she can just go kill your baby and go be with another guy whenever she wants to and he's like but that's my son or daughter.

Speaker 2: 41:43

But you know what's funny If a man wants to get a vasectomy, his wife has to approve it. That's because my husband had to get my approval before I wanted it. But like the doctor was like unless you get your wife's approval, you can't have a vasectomy.

Speaker 1: 41:56

I'm actually kind of cool with that. Let's do equality. If you have to get her sign off for vasectomy, it's my child, my choice, and you have to get both parents to sign off. You can't just go and go, I kill your son or daughter because I felt like it. No, that's still my son or daughter and I take accountability, responsibility for raising that child. Happily, that's my child and you don't get to just kill it without my consent. That's not okay.

Speaker 1: 42:25

So, guys, get equal, say, we're putting that on the table, for that Fights. Equal, equal rights, equal fights. It's no longer men and women fighting, it's person. A person B Doesn't matter. You start shit, you're going to have to deal with it. Ladies, you want equal fights? Let's go. There's no more rules. Don't hit a girl. That's off the table. It's just your person. They're a person. And if you're not as proficient in combat, maybe get more diplomatic, because if you can't handle the business, don't start the business. And so arguments get different, because combat gets put on the table. Yep, guys are like shit, that's in our favor. That works out for us. If we could just. We could just box it out, or I can just set up the mats and see who chokes out who. My upper body strength is six times higher than hers, so let's do that Right. Yes, so that sounds wonderful. Equal, equal rights, equal fights. We're like okay, I'm sports. There's no more men and women's divisions. It's a, it's a player. You don't play. And if you can't play with the boys, you don't play.

Speaker 2: 43:30

I mean, it's just sports.

Speaker 1: 43:33

Yeah, there is no men's. It's equal. It's just your plan or you're not playing. So if you can't hang with the boys, you don't play.

Speaker 2: 43:42

Yeah, this is definitely favoring the men with the 5050. I get it.

Speaker 1: 43:45

Oh, we're crushing this.

Speaker 2: 43:47

What's the point? On paper like this, it's like oh, some men really don't have it all that good OK all right, yeah, maternity leave, we get the same amount.

Speaker 1: 43:57

Oh, they can't, maybe let's go Well.

Speaker 2: 44:01

I think a lot of women would actually agree with that, because then we actually get some help after two weeks, like our dudes, our dudes were cool with it too.

Speaker 1: 44:08

We're OK with it. We're like I get maternity leave because we also like to have a bonding moments with our children too. We like it. We do like that Absolutely, and we like being of service to our women.

Speaker 2: 44:17

Our good men do Well we do that Real men serve their wives Just we'll get there.

Speaker 1: 44:23

Well listen, we're setting up the stage. We're setting the stage. So maternity leave is the same. Toilet seats don't matter. If I have to check the seat to sit, so do you, don't complain.

Speaker 2: 44:33

My husband says you should leave the seat for up for me after you're done, because I put it down for you.

Speaker 1: 44:38

Yeah, I have five girls in this house so my toilet seat is always down. But your heart, yeah, right. But on this one it should never be a complaint, because if I ever have to go and I hit number two, I take a quick gander before I just commit. So I think everyone should just do that. No complaining, that's off the table. You can't complain anymore. Here's one that guys actually liked. In some countries already have this as a law Shirts optional both sides.

Speaker 2: 45:05

Hey, victory for Well there are some states that free the nipple, but no problem.

Speaker 1: 45:10

Listen, boys are cool with this one. They're like everyone can take their shirt off, let's go. The boys are like all men are like.

Speaker 2: 45:19

I vote yes.

Speaker 1: 45:20

Equality, equality, let's go. I'm like in 50, 50 already, let's see. Then we started getting into some ones where I got a little bit trickier. Both kids have equal time with parents. Hmm, sorry, how do you?

Speaker 2: 45:36

measure. How do you measure equal Listen minutes Time.

Speaker 1: 45:41

Listen, this is just a time thing. If you get six hours, I get six hours, so I get just time.

Speaker 2: 45:46

Yeah, but here's the thing Six hours when they're awake and six hours when they're asleep. That's totally different.

Speaker 1: 45:52

So, hey, equals equal. I'm not making the rules here, this is just what's equal. Now, here's where it starts to fall apart. Here's where families start to die. Leadership, mentorship, power is all equal, so every disagreement is a coin toss.

Speaker 2: 46:10

Oh, that's hairy.

Speaker 1: 46:12

Doesn't matter who's right anymore. There is no qualifications, there is no expertise, there is no leadership, there is no. I know best. This is my field. It's just. If I disagree, whoever flips the coin, whoever wins the coin toss 50-50. It's up to chance. Now.

Speaker 2: 46:27

Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's how things get really screwed up.

Speaker 1: 46:30

No shotcars anymore. That's gone. 50-50. Everyone's equal. And then all the particulars we talked about particulars. That goes out the window. No one's correct. It's just done both ways. Now you're around the ladies. This is the list the guys came up with. What would you want to throw on that works in women's favor for 50-50?

Speaker 2: 46:54

Oh, I don't know. You touched on a lot, so like, where would it be?

Speaker 1: 46:58

Like, oh the ladies, we want equal. This would be what we want. Equal because our guys can only see from their side, and we even tried to make it as brutal on us as we could. We gave ourselves equal housework, we gave ourselves equal pay, we gave ourselves equal power. We did all equal. Even if it's not in our favor, we still put it on the list.

Speaker 2: 47:20

OK, so you kind of touched on it a little bit, but I would say, like promotions, ok, like we talked about pay, Did you see the reason why women don't get promotions?

Speaker 1: 47:29

They study the shit out of this.

Speaker 1: 47:31

Oh, I'm sure it's because women are more agreeable. It's not because women aren't qualified for promotion. It's women are more agreeable than men, and so men will ask for promotions more than women, which puts them in qualification. Because, you see, when they looked at gender pay gap, it was when it came to single women, single men, it was very equal, it was the same. But when it came to agreeableness, or mothers, they were paid less because they spend more time out of work or they're less confrontational, yep. And so it wasn't an equality issue, it was a personality issue.

Speaker 2: 48:09

Yeah, that makes sense, that makes sense.

Speaker 1: 48:10

So that's the only reason why women get promote. Single women get promoted just as much as single men. It's the agreeable women or the mothers who don't shoot those shots that don't get promoted. And they studied it because they wanted to break this gender pay gap, to go what was going on, and they found patterns like it's this specific group, it's not all women, it's this group of women.

Speaker 2: 48:36

And that makes sense, I get that.

Speaker 1: 48:39

So we're pro-promotion. Though, listen, we both got jobs. Heck, it's separate jobs. You get promoted as you get promoted. Same pay. Remember that's on here Same pay.

Speaker 2: 48:49

I touched on most of them. I can't feel like I'm trying to go through my wheel here and I'm like OK, well, we talked about childcare, we talked about housework, we talked about pay, we talked about strength, we talked about oh, when you didn't talk on Bring it. Sex.

Speaker 1: 49:08

Let's go what would be the equal element, because our boys don't have a big problem with making sure there is sex on the table.

Speaker 2: 49:15

OK. So equality in sex that's the hard part is because there's always OK, 99% of the time there's always one spouse that wants more than the other. Sure, ok, men, they could do it every day. Women are like, eh good, once a month, Right, but if it's equal.

Speaker 1: 49:33

I don't even know what it's like though.

Speaker 1: 49:35

Help me with that, because we have a very healthy sex life and once a month it's insanity in my mind, said, and Andrea and I are both like we're a daily couple, like we don't understand. How do you guys go to bed without this? I don't understand, like we don't get it. If you have an opportunity to have somebody who you love and can be intimate with and are committed to and that's my person well, how could you go a month, two months, three months, six months without intimacy and call yourself solid? I don't get it. What am I missing with this?

Speaker 2: 50:14

Here's the problem. And I have people telling me they've gone 11 years without intimacy and I'm like what? So I'm like, essentially, you're in the roommate stage, you're done Like that, it's not. But here's the thing, and I've done a lot on this topic and I get a lot of hate for this topic just because it's very like.

Speaker 1: 50:33

From whom?

Speaker 2: 50:35

OK, so there is one creator called Mending Me. Ok, do you know who I'm talking about?

Speaker 1: 50:40

I don't follow social media.

Speaker 2: 50:43

OK, well, good, Because, anyways, she taught. Ok, when you talk about the topic of sex, the problem is you have different mindsets for men and women. Ok, men are more, they want more of that physical intimacy. Women want more emotional intimacy. But here's the thing Men create emotional intimacy through physical act. Women like the emotional to be physical. So in reality, we all want the same thing, we all want to connect, but the way we want to connect is different, right? So we want more hugs and cuddles and romance.

Speaker 2: 51:20

And men are like I want to connect with you through the physical act, like I want to be with you, right? And so women are like oh my gosh, all you think about is sex. That's all you think about. And my husband's like OK, perspective, I want to have sex with my own wife. How is that a bad thing? Ok, he's like it's my favorite play toy. If I had my favorite toy that I could play with every day, why would I not want to play with it? Right?

Speaker 2: 51:45

And then women get upset because they're like well, he's bothering me all the time and he won't leave me alone. I'm like you're upset because your husband desires you. Is that what you're telling me Like? Why is that a problem? There are women out there begging for their husband's attention, begging for it, and men are like we want to give it to you, but there's like a mental block. So here's actually what I've really learned, and this kind of goes on the rabbit hole a little bit, but I'm going to try to rein it in.

Speaker 2: 52:12

Honestly, a lot of our hormones are disrupted by various things going on in the world the food we eat, the water we drink, the lack of exercise, the poor sleep, the stress, having babies, breastfeeding, all the things OK, and even the products we use. We have tons of things that are disrupting our hormones OK, on the daily. And I honestly think it's on purpose. Marriages are intentionally being attacked and destroyed. So it's funny because before we get married, what happens? We want to have all the sex in the world. Oh yeah, let's have sex when we're technically supposed to wait till marriage, right, but then we get married and it dies. Why is that? It's because marriage, sex and intimacy that's the bond that keeps us connected and together.

Speaker 2: 52:57

So if we're not connecting often which the Bible says often, meaning as often as you two, I believe, can compromise, because there are certain situations where you had a baby, you're sick, you're ill, whatever there are circumstances. But the point is to come together often because there is more temptation, there's more things happening when you're not connecting often and I think the things that the women are seeking they can get that through physical intimacy. It's just we see it as, oh my god, it's a chore. Maybe I don't find satisfaction out of it, maybe I feel like that's all he wants, like we have to break open these topics because it's not just because I even myself I was this wife I was like you just want sex, it's a physical thing, that's all you want.

Speaker 2: 53:48

My husband's like no, I want to connect with you. When I am physically intimate with you, I connect with you. He goes did you know that when I connect with you, I feel closer to God because he gave you to me as a gift and I connect with you on that deep, intimate level and I was like wait a minute. And so it got my wheels turning. That it's not just about getting off, it's not just about relieving yourself, because men can do that on their own. Guys like ladies, men can do that If they're true, if they're true motive is to just get off. They can do that on their own.

Speaker 1: 54:21

Well, if that was really the thing, though, there wouldn't be a problem with cheating. There wouldn't even be cheating.

Speaker 1: 54:27

It's because, if it, was just a physical act who gives a fuck Like now. Here's the part where it starts becoming a betrayal. I think that you're not wrong and we can probably get ourselves canceled pretty easily with this. What's going on with the world against marriages, which is true, but you know even the the concept of when I did that video. Did you watch my three thing? Men need Hungry, horny appreciation. Keep it simple. Ladies Like and our guys. Look at their comment section. See how many men are like. Nope wrong. Hungry, horny appreciation, and two of them only take a very short amount of time. Right, because not a hangry dude is very reasonable and a not horny dude gets very reasonable.

Speaker 2: 55:10

My husband's a different man when he's fed, and you know he's full and empty at the same time, if you know what I mean.

Speaker 1: 55:15

Exactly that guy you can have a deep conversation with and it's going to probably stay pretty even keel, yep, because he's not hangry, he's not horny, he's not pent up in either side, he's satisfied. Now you go into the deep one, which is the appreciation element. If you appreciate that guy, he'll. He'll fight a lion for you.

Speaker 2: 55:35

He will bend over backwards, and then some for you.

Speaker 1: 55:38

So now this is where it gets into that intimacy element that you said like, where people are going months to years without. If I make a promise, my life, my resources, my soul, my energy, my time, my body is yours. I commit it to you, only you. No other shall ever partake of my goods and services, and then I give you maximum restriction on access. Which of us is actually creating the problem in the relationship? The person who said I would like to keep my promise with you, or the person who said I'm breaking all of the vows that I made with you because I don't feel like it?

Speaker 1: 56:18

Yep which vows matter Christina.

Speaker 2: 56:22

All of them.

Speaker 1: 56:23

Well then, how can? We can break all of them, but cheating and that's OK, and then and then. Oh my God, I have a whole other thing too, with like what emotional cheating is. I don't even know what the fuck people are talking about. I'm like I don't. You guys, everyone's got a completely different answer for that, so I don't even know what that means sometimes.

Speaker 2: 56:41

So this is kind of we're getting in some hairy subjects here because, yeah, emotional cheating it's honestly in the eye of the beholder. I know like I have a friend who's like if my husband talks to another woman, that's emotionally cheating. Honestly, I guess, according to your, talk to both genders all day long.

Speaker 1: 57:01

We're emotionally cheating right now, apparently according to your friends' rules, and our spouses aren't here, so we must be.

Speaker 2: 57:08

We must be in a motion.

Speaker 1: 57:10

It's a recorded live conversation, but it's emotional cheating. We are busted, yep, ok. So even that by itself. That person just makes up a rule and now expects they get the accountability element. Remember blame throwing all the stuff we talk about who's? I get to be an authority because I had an emotion that I don't, I don't feel OK with. I have an insecurity. I'm not solid. I have an emotion that I don't like to feel, so I have now appointed myself the boss of everything and now I will blame, shame and judge everyone because I have, because I can't accept things for being what they are Somehow. That should be the boss. The person who can't deal gets to make the rules.

Speaker 2: 58:02

There's a reason that are supposed to be leaders of the household y'all. It's not just because they're men, it's because they just think differently than we do. We're too emotional based, like I said in the beginning, we're we just. That's why I don't know if don't shoot me, but, female president, I don't know. I don't know.

Speaker 1: 58:18

Honestly, there may be some highly in their masculine. There's a couple out there that I'm like, that one may make it, but they're not. They're not going to, they're never going to be on there because they're not controllable and they're not going to follow narratives, and so it probably won't happen that direction. It'll have to be somebody who follows narratives Any case. This, this restriction of love though, this restriction of intimacy, it's very confusing to me, because if you don't want to make love with your partner, why do you still have a restriction on who they can make love with them?

Speaker 2: 58:50

I don't understand.

Speaker 1: 58:52

I don't understand the element because men, it's, it's also a biological setup. We, oh sure. And then also they try to also control pornography. They try to control everything but won't feel it's it's. It's like starving a dog or something. It's like why are you doing that? It's because it's my dog and I can starve it, it's like. But it's, it's a need, it needs to eat, it needs to eat, it needs to. And if he gets food from anywhere else, he's a terrible dog, he's a bad dog and should be put down. And it's like you're starving your dog and then mad at him for being hungry and in fact you beat him for being hungry. And if he ever gets food that's laying on the floor, he should be beaten and thrown out or put down. He should be euthanized. And you're like is it a bad dog or is it possible you may be a bad owner.

Speaker 2: 59:42

So I get a lot of flack when I talk about the subject of cheating because I've dealt with that situation. But here's the here's. The problem is when we get into this situation. There's many factors. However, we have to like we're still focused on the act of cheating instead of understanding why the cheating happened. So we give more like, like we shame and and put on the person who cheated which they have to take responsibility for their fault. It's that personal accountability. But people like to say I'm victim, shame. So the, the cheated on is is the victim and the person who cheated is the is the villain, Right.

Speaker 1: 1:00:26

But just so I can have context, just for context, because they broke their vow of, like you know, staying with just you. That's why they're the bad one, is that right?

Speaker 2: 1:00:38

Yes.

Speaker 1: 1:00:38

They broke the vow of loyalty to just intimacy with just one person. Yes, yeah, ok.

Speaker 2: 1:00:45

They broke the trust, they broke the loyalty, the faithfulness. Ok, so people are like but you're victim shaming, there's nobody to blame but the person who cheated Me. Personally, I think that you should have the willpower and the discipline not to go and cheat on your spouse. If you're going to cheat and end the relationship plain and simple, like talk about it, communicate. Like when you get to the point where it's like I've talked to communicate, they're not listening. Don't cheat, just say I'm done with the marriage. Ok, that's, that's my first point. But when you say you have to look at what led up to it, like because here's the thing Some people see porn as cheating.

Speaker 2: 1:01:22

Some people see, you know, emotional, whatever, having conversation as cheating. But here's the thing is, my husband was like I looked at porn and I looked at other things because I wasn't getting what I needed. Was it right? Not necessarily. Is he in trouble for doing those things. Was it the right choice? No, I don't think they were the right choices. But I understand the reason why. Just like, if someone is 11 years without sex with their spouse and they're literally seeking that attention, are they really the only ones to blame for the cheating? Absolutely not.

Speaker 2: 1:02:01

If you are going to get married, you are vowing to your spouse Because guess what Bible even talks about? Your body is not your own but your husband's, and your husband's body is not their own but yours. You two are one. You're supposed to be together. You don't get to say my body, my choice, you don't get to touch me. You don't get to coerce me. Listen, when your spouse wants intimacy with you and you literally push them away, you are doing your. Not only are you hurting them physically, but you're hurting them mentally. So they're like. I actually did a poll. I said hey, fellas, ok, and I literally had 100% across the board. Yeses, do you feel like when you were rejected, denied or withdrawn from sex, that you feel unappreciated, unloved and you feel like you're loved, rejected and like not even a person, unwanted?

Speaker 2: 1:02:51

unworthy Every man, except, I think, one who was clearly operating in his feminine. You could tell for sure Everything one said absolutely I feel judged, I feel hurt. I feel I feel like the one person who I choose to love and who's choosing to love me is rejecting me. That hurts. Your family has to love you because they're your family. Right, you love your mom and sister, brother, whatever. But you're the person you married, is the person you chose each other. So when you choose each other and then you say I'm choosing not to engage with sex with you, that's the ultimate dis in my, in my opinion.

Speaker 1: 1:03:24

It's brutal. It's brutal and this is where that it's getting glorified for ladies to do these things. But this is also another part is it's a very complex things and women again leading with emotions. They're still getting whatever their their needs are met through social media and attention, and so they can still find it justifiable to reject their men in multiple ways because they do not have empathy for their man at all. Zero.

Speaker 1: 1:03:56

And I did a survey for my men. I said do your feelings matter to you? And every guy says yes. I said do you believe your feelings Not well, being not like, did you have a sandwich or did you laundry get done? Your feelings, how is your heart? How's my man's feelings today? Do you believe your feelings matter to your girl? I had all. I went to a hundred guys and I started to stop because three guys said yes, their feelings matter. Two of them were in the first two weeks of a relationship and those all ended. They didn't make it. And one guy was in complete denial about his marriage and soon as he like looked at his marriage for really realize he had zero empathy, but he thought he did and so that would be 100 percent across the board. Not one woman shows they care about a man's heart that hurts my heart, that hurts my heart.

Speaker 2: 1:04:45

To hear that Like that makes me so sad. Like ladies, men matter to like well, we're humans.

Speaker 1: 1:04:53

Yeah, we're humans and at the core of us were little boys who want to impress our girls. I've done, I've got a lot of really cool surveys that I did, I created to go. Let's challenge to see if it's really there. What's a safe place for a man? What's a man's role? What's a man's role in a relationship? I really put these lists together to go. Let's do this for us. Let's do this what is right, not who is right, what is our roles? And we, we've realized that women have removed the, the, the part that they're built to do.

Speaker 1: 1:05:26

You talked about nurture. You talked about servitude. You talked about submissiveness. You talked about compassion. You talked about empathy. You talk about accountability. You talk about all these things that recognize each other as human beings. And yet almost every guy comes in when he, when he meets me, like I had to be the rock for my relationship. I have to be the foundation and the girls. You here's, here's how you can tell every lady you know your comment section, just like I do every single woman who says this sentence You're the issue. Yeah Well, what about him? Or what about me? Soon, as it goes into deflection immediately. You are the issue, you're the one now the accountability won't be there for that, because it's immediately authoritatively shifting blame into it's them, it's them, it's them. Oh yeah, well, that's been happening both ways. If you say that happens both ways, it's you, it's it's you. And so, when it comes down to empathy, I want my feelings validated, I want my emotions to be known. My emotions matter. I'm like well, what about his?

Speaker 2: 1:06:32

Well, he needs to man up, hmm, If he, if he shows his emotions, he's weak yeah.

Speaker 1: 1:06:39

If he cries, turn off. Yeah, Ladies, this is I'm going to. I uppercut women with this one. Um, I did a training with my women's groups and half of them wouldn't even do it. I said do you know the difference between your benefits and your baggage?

Speaker 2: 1:06:58

Hmm, hmm.

Speaker 1: 1:07:01

This one is a true Is a truth uppercut, and when I started working with both men and women, truth is the hardest element for both, but for different reasons. Women live in denial because the reality of what they are is not as good as they want and every aspect of how they protect themselves is fake and if ever challenged for authenticity, it will be exposed and that feels bad, which is why they blame. Throw in our first few weeks of working with women's groups. We have to stop them immediately from blaming everyone else. It is the first thing we have to do for the men. It's not even in the men's program. Men don't blame like women do. Men shame, yep, men shame themselves. The first thing they come in is go how come I can't make her happy?

Speaker 2: 1:07:55

Hmm.

Speaker 1: 1:07:55

What am I doing wrong? What am I missing?

Speaker 2: 1:07:57

Why doesn't she love me? Why won't?

Speaker 1: 1:07:58

she be with me. What did I do? What did I do that isn't working? Why can't she see my good things? Guy's shame. They come in on like what am I missing here? I removed blame throwing from the program for men. Women. It's the first thing we have to hammer. Stop pointing the finger, it's you.

Speaker 2: 1:08:18

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 1:08:19

Yep, and this is where it even gets into this element of you are showing zero empathy for your man, zero. Yet your feelings need to be validated before you continue. You are hypocrisy incarnate. You are the problem. Well, I don't really like that. I don't like that.

Speaker 2: 1:08:39

I don't like so much pushback. I really do because, literally, I stand up and I speak about the truth, whether it benefits me or not. Because, honestly, let's be, let's be truthful. There are some things that I know that I have to be accountable for and it sucks Like it truly sucks. But I can't grow as a person if I'm stuck in this little bubble of denial that I think that I'm just this, all that in a bag of chips. I'm, I'm great, everything's good, but in reality I'm a mess. Like I wasn't a mess. I was a complete and utter mess two years ago. Like I look, I'm a totally different person than I was two years ago. It's because I had to come to this realization that marriage is not about me by myself. That's the problem. We think it's about us. Like we are the bride, we are the wife. We should be put on a pedestal, and we're.

Speaker 2: 1:09:33

I did a whole thing on Princess. First. Queen Women have Princess mentality. They just want to be put on a pedestal, they want to be spoiled, they want to be loved. But a Queen a Queen has authority. A Queen is different. She stands up for herself, she supports her man, she's a rider Die. She does all of the and she doesn't expect her man to do over her. He does it because she does the same thing to him. He does all the things for him, knowing that when I do this for him, even if he doesn't do it back right away, if I do what I'm supposed to do and I feed mice this is the problem is we want to feed our own needs and wants. But if I learned if I can do what my husband needs, like I can feed his needs and his wants, he's going to do the same to feed mine, so everybody gets what they want. No one's lacking anything, but we're not self serving each other, we're being selfless and serving the other person. So we, we, but we don't have that mindset in the society.

Speaker 1: 1:10:33

Well, if you look at just the biology, to how many women are built, women are built to follow and I will argue the merits to it Now, I'm not being even biblical, I'll go into the psychology element of it. If women were really built to lead, they wouldn't be so easy, easily influenced for acceptance and approval. They wouldn't be there, they wouldn't be as agreeable as they are and it seems like they can be highly disagreeable to men but have a really hard time with other women.

Speaker 2: 1:11:02

Facts.

Speaker 1: 1:11:03

You know, and so they're not built with all commercials and they've done this all the way since, like the 50s, 60s, are geared towards women because they're easily influenced in comparison to men. And all that social media is an attack on women. I will take the argument, I'll debate it, because the uptick for mental disorders that come on men from social media is gone up a small percentage, but for women, middle school up, it's a bike ramp of issues and I believe it's an attack on women. Because look at the comparison curses, look at the thing. I'm not good enough and like you have this lady who's going to post up. She's super mom, super model, she's a CrossFit trainer, she's a boss babe and has six businesses. She's super wife, she's independent, does it all alone, natural leader, doesn't need a man but, you know, treats her man like a king and all these different things. And you're like who the fuck keeps up with this bitch?

Speaker 2: 1:12:00

Yeah, rare, rare breed. At that point Like but?

Speaker 1: 1:12:04

but then you find out they're getting a divorce next month and you're like oh, the social media posting is not the reality. This is where it's tough, because you're doing comparisons on a global scale not even on a global scale, not even community scale. It's not just Susan's awesome, it's the world. The point zero, zero, one percent now becomes compared to a 14 year old girl who's a freshman in high school. How is she supposed to even understand? And so you have to wear makeup, you have to get surgeries, you have to get things done to change or alter yourself. You have to get fake whatever, eyelashes, nails, waist trainer, high heels, but lift boob job, you know, lip implants, you name it. It's got to get done. Hair changed, everything has to be different so that that way you can keep up with the comparison on a global scale. And you're just a kid. Yep, we got three teenage daughters. We watch the influences of them.

Speaker 2: 1:13:04

Oh yeah, my 11 year old had on lashes yesterday and I was like what are you doing? When I was 11? I look like a hot mess. I don't know what is going on with this breed, but you're right, it's social media. It absolutely is, because we feel like we have to live up to this certain look and persona and all that kind of stuff.

Speaker 1: 1:13:21

If that is there because guys don't fall into the same, guys will still have dysmorphia for body. We still have it, but not nearly because we don't have the same burden of beauty that women have, and so it's still there. But we have to feel more competitive and we have to be proficient, and so guys will lean into strength or fitness or sports, you know. So lean into proficiency more than just beauty and so it's different for boys.

Speaker 1: 1:13:48

Now, when I'm watching what's going on with these girls, it is tearing them apart from the inside out. Now this is why I say they're not built to lead. Is their influence so much easier from outside sources than boys? So I went and surveyed my men. I said how many of you will see a Calvin Klein ad or you'll see some ad, and you immediately have to dress like that or look like that or be like that and like every guy is like I don't give a fuck about any of those things? Literally, they were like choosey, choosey dads, choose. Jeff, would you have to go buy that peanut butter? They'd be like I don't even fucking like that peanut butter. No, right.

Speaker 1: 1:14:26

But that works on moms and even if I work in marketing worlds, they say I had a guy who built like a phone for early kids. He said the way the way they market it to men is they say it's a tool, not a toy the way they market it to women is this is what 99 out of 100 good moms do, or this is what good mothers do. It's Jones affecting its comparisons. It's you have to be like everyone else.

Speaker 2: 1:14:55

We're in the world of literal selling people versus emotional selling, and I'm in marketing like I do that and I'm I've learned you have to sell with emotions, not literally sell Like I could be like, hey, look, there's this product, it's great, it's got all your daily vitamins and minerals and everything. Or I could go this killed my belly blow, this killed my, this helped my my gut be better to help my mental health. Like there's a different way that you can sell. I lost 60 pounds with this product. Like there's a difference in how you speak to women. Because they are emotional based, they will buy with their emotions. It's just, it's fast. Like, oh my gosh, look, oh, and I'm guilty of it too. Look, I live a lash lift kit. Instead of going to my lashes, I just lift them yourself at home. I'm I'm even guilty of it. Ok, yeah, by with our emotions. That's just how we are. So we leave with our emotions and everything.

Speaker 1: 1:15:50

Well, this makes you not necessarily worthy of leadership. You're influenced too easily by other things. Now, men are influenced highly by one thing they're lady.

Speaker 2: 1:16:05

Can I tell you how true that is?

Speaker 1: 1:16:08

No, I know how true it is. I run men's groups. I've done hundreds and hundreds of men. I know the truth.

Speaker 2: 1:16:13

My husband has. So this is one thing that I struggle with a little bit in my marriage and I will call myself out before anybody else. My husband has told me you know, you're part of my ha. Like, you're a big part of my happiness and and serving you and loving you and doing things for you and being with you that makes me happy. So when things are like difficult between us or whatever, I get angry or bitter or resentful or whatever. Because you're a big part of my happiness.

Speaker 2: 1:16:45

For me, I'm like, but you can't use me as your only bit of happiness because I'm gonna fail you sometimes. I'm a human too. Like you also have to find happiness and things, not not only me, sure, but to hear that and to hear other men say that, like it's so true. Like we are a big determiner of our, our environment at home, like we again, we can be the piece of the storm, and so if you understand that you can literally make or break a man by the way that you treat him, why would you want to treat him poorly? Why would you want to do that? If a man did that to you, holy hell you would have helped.

Speaker 1: 1:17:25

He's a villain. This is why I say women aren't leaders and this is why, when I did the empathy element for guys, I asked the guys who's more empathetic men or women? And the guys that we thought about it. I'm like I think the men are more empathetic than women are. Like, how do you measure this? Not when it comes to babies. Women can read babies better than men. The empathy element there, no argument. But we're like what about the pack itself? What about the group itself? You know, the kids, the husband, the wife who's got full empathy? Well, men can have empathy for other men. Men can have empathy for their wives and their feelings, their emotions and the kids, and the men can care about everyone else's feelings. We can care. Women have no empathy for their men. Yes, which means if you have a member of the pack, you don't care about how they're doing. You shouldn't be the leader. You can't be a pack leader if you don't give a shit about one of the members, especially one of the critical members.

Speaker 2: 1:18:25

That's a bomb drop Like that just clicked in my head, Like women are trying to leave but they don't have the empathy to lead and we think we're the empathetic ones, but we're not.

Speaker 1: 1:18:35

You're not giving a tool. You can't lead if you don't care about one of the members of your pack.

Speaker 2: 1:18:43

That is so freaking true.

Speaker 1: 1:18:46

So women are built for it. Now, this doesn't mean they do not have value. Women are the reason that we live. We will do anything, and this is why pay attention. And the boys to men and girls to women. The Princess Queen thing, that's correct. I do a different thing, but the same result. It's this element of do you understand that men are natural givers, women are natural takers? Oh, thanks. Now who's, who's the prize in the relationship? The person who gets stuff or the person who gives stuff?

Speaker 2: 1:19:23

I mean, the prize is actually. Well, the person who gives you would think so.

Speaker 1: 1:19:26

Right, and I do a lot of Disney bombs and blow things up Like who's really the prize? Is it Cinderella, who got a kingdom and a prince and he did everything? He does everything? Is she really the prize? What about sleeping beauty, who just passed the fuck out? And this guy Not only fights a dragon, maleficent as a dragon, and then comes back with true love's kiss his kiss, he did it, not her, his kiss breaks the curse and then she gets a kingdom and lives happily ever after. This bitch was napping the whole movie, wow.

Speaker 2: 1:20:10

That's a perspective I literally hadn't thought about. But you're absolutely correct. And we glorify the princess, but the prince is like, oh well, he's just there, he does.

Speaker 1: 1:20:17

He does everything. He's a prince. He does, he gets everything beauty and the beast. This guy's a cursed prince. He's powerful and reckless and chaotic and dangerous and untameable and uncontrollable. We know the bad boys. We get it. He's a cursed prince. He has a kingdom and power and status authority. He has all of these amazing attributes too. What is the best things about Belle? No, what did she do? That was like she needs a fucking kingdom, she needs a prince. What did she do?

Speaker 2: 1:20:56

She literally got lost in the woods and she was a part of life.

Speaker 1: 1:21:00

Well, her dad had to pay the debt, and so she ended up having to go into like this guy's prison because dad owed him a life debt or something Right, so she became a prisoner. Yes, so then she they're like well, she reads books, and I'm like she apparently didn't read about Stockholm syndrome, because she's a prisoner who fell in love with her captor.

Speaker 2: 1:21:23

Exactly.

Speaker 1: 1:21:24

Right, who was this aggressive bad boy? You know, you know monster, if you will. And then it breaks the curse, like what did she bring to the table?

Speaker 2: 1:21:35

Well, truth is she was kind of hot and then she fell in love with her, with her captor, yeah, and this is that's what I'm saying Social media, media in general, movies, tv, all the things they're literally making women feel like they're all that in a bag of chips and they're the priority and it's all about them, but it's not until they have to go, benefit to baggage, until you have to go.

Speaker 1: 1:22:04

What do you actually bring to the table that makes it cursed prince or even a prince shoes you. Now, here's the thing If you start moving your guys into even let's be generous the top 20% of values men, not high value men. High values man, loyalty, honor, dignity, you know, compassion, strength, confidence, leadership, high values, not just money, power, fame or six figures, six feet tall, six pack I'm talking high values. Good men have their shit together. Guys. Let's just eat just to the top 20% of being highly generous. By the way, those guys get all the options. They get all the options. Now, the higher up you move, more options. Yeah, 5% can just pick who they want at this point. And if you're six feet tall with six figures, which is top top, like two, 3%, that even exists they're just getting free casco servings all day long. Girls are just throwing themselves at them because they're tall. Talk about ladies. The hypergamy system is completely upside down. You're not rating a single value.

Speaker 1: 1:23:16

Here's a funny thing for the print the prince charming. What I did is I did a couple surveys with my ladies groups and it was a little bit split, but there was answers that still ended up being the same and this is to show how superficial are women's hypergamy systems these days. So I said let's check. I made a huge list called Prince Charming and it's a long list and if I go through this you can go like okay, it's like protector, provider, patient, calm, sensitive, badass, strong, confident, handy, good listener, smart, loving, funny, family man, loyal, generous leader, ambitious dreams, wealthy, tastes, care of me, college degree status. He's a crazy sexy. What doesn't like attention? Loves my kids, pays for everything, loves my feelings and interests. Has big dreams and goals, speaks well, has great style, reads books that I like in his interesting books, never gets mad, has perfect teeth, smiles all the time. He loves all the songs and movies I like. He does all the heavy lifting with the big smile, happily. Loves all my friends, loves all my family, never leaves a toilet seat up, will drop everything for me, only want sex when I do. He never needs praise and recognition. He knows how to fix everything. He's the best dancer, always humble, plays at least three instruments. He's an MMA fighter, has a huge penis and makes over 300K and I'm like that's my Prince Charming list.

Speaker 1: 1:24:31

I just made this thing real quick. I was being as silly and funny as I could be and the ladies were like this list is crazy with a K, it's wild. What a crazy list. So I said ladies, make your own list, help me out here. You can take my list and pick the ones you want, but make your own list. And they were like that's a crazy list. Our list is going to be way better. What do you, christina? Do you think the list came back shorter or longer?

Speaker 1: 1:24:55

Longer it was, a longer list it was more and with weirder stipulations, like one of them was he needs to be smart, because intelligence for me is huge, but if I'm able, they said I need to be able to have healthy debates and conversations, because if I feel mentally dominant I'm turned way off. And I said wait a second. That would mean no matter how much you grow and how intelligent you become, he has to always be further ahead than you always. You can never know more than him or you're turned way off.

Speaker 2: 1:25:31

That's not even plausible. Half the time.

Speaker 1: 1:25:34

What, the what rule did you just add there?

Speaker 2: 1:25:37

Yeah, I'm like where did that come from? Okay, like wow.

Speaker 1: 1:25:41

The judgment. Now, this list that came in, we had a whole. It was way longer. It came down to very specific things and it got more and more crazy. So I said, listen, I'm going to give you guys your like 70 something list here. I'm going to give them everything. Like I said, I'll give them a huge ding dong and I'll make it so. He. He's the, he's a ninja and he can defend you against 20 guys. He'll Bruce Lee people. I'll make him the baddest dude ever and he's got everything on your list money, power, fame, you name it, everything you would ever want in a guy. He's amazing, best guy in the world. They're like I like that, not to mention at all what you would bring to the table to this man. We don't even get to that, just like that. I like that. I'm like here's the only issue. He's five foot four Inter out.

Speaker 1: 1:26:32

Oh, most women would say out the greatest man on earth because he was born a height he can't control and he is not. It's not for lack of like ability Heck, I'll give him a 10 inch wiener. Like I don't give a crap Like he, it's not for like, he's just a small person. He just happens to be short. He's five, four and most of the most of the girls said deal breaker, even though it is an amazing life.

Speaker 2: 1:27:00

This is like literally the perfect man. It is a perfect.

Speaker 1: 1:27:03

He's just not taught. And you would throw away the perfect guy for height and date, a total fucking asshole, because he's taller. And somehow ladies are the. You should be calling the fucking shots. We can't even do rational conversation at this moment.

Speaker 2: 1:27:21

And women wonder there's no good men out there?

Speaker 1: 1:27:24

They're all over the place, you, I that's what I keep saying.

Speaker 2: 1:27:27

I'm like, actually, men are really amazing. Honestly, I resonate more with men than I do women, if I'm being honest. When I, when I was growing up, I had more guy friends than girlfriends because, honestly, I don't do the drama, I don't do that petty crap, I just don't. I also I can be friends with other females who are better friends with men and don't like women. Those are the women that I can be friends with. But the the problem is women set these high expectations, like and, like you said, we're not even talking about what she brings to the team. We're not even talking about what she brings to the table. Because, first of all, how can you even compare to all that Like you would have to be high value on your P's and Q's, to to literally a tape, like be able to keep someone like that, because you can't just be a lazy sloth and just do whatever you want and you're like I have this great man.

Speaker 1: 1:28:14

Love me for who I am, but you have to love him for what he? Provides.

Speaker 2: 1:28:19

I don't like you because of what you do or don't do, but you have to love me as I am. There's a flaw that you have, you have to fix it. But if there's a flaw that I have, you have to deal with it.

Speaker 1: 1:28:28

And that's why equality out the window gone. That's a wrap, that's a wrap. So this is where we had the same thing. I'm like all right, guys, let's do your list. And their list was substantially shorter. Of course, Now there's only one subjective piece on here. That was very subjective, but I'll give you the list that men had for women, because we got to be fair right.

Speaker 2: 1:28:50

I want to. I want to hear this honestly. I want to know what men think.

Speaker 1: 1:28:52

This was the men's list and this was a pretty decent size group of guys that we did the survey for. Now, the first thing was the beauty is subjective element of it. And guys, what level do you think guys were like? These women have to be at least at this level for us. Like on a one to 10, what would you say guys? This is where they're at. They want 10s only. Like what do you think?

Speaker 2: 1:29:15

I'm thinking like six or seven.

Speaker 1: 1:29:17

Good guess it was six or up, it was just. And it was, it was just. It wasn't be perfect, because six is just above average. That's just enough to just take care of yourself.

Speaker 2: 1:29:28

Right.

Speaker 1: 1:29:28

Like take a shower, work out a little, eat okay, you don't even have to be perfect, just try. And guys were cool with that. We're like at least try. That's how low the standards are for dudes.

Speaker 2: 1:29:41

You can wear sweatpants but put on a pair of jeans and like maybe some makeup every once in a while, Like that's what my husband is and I'm like a sweatshirt and sweatshirt or sweatshirt and sweatpants. Go for it Well.

Speaker 1: 1:29:51

I did a real thing with my women's group because our women had a whole thing for like. He only likes me when I dress up and if I'm supposed to be authentic, why doesn't he like me in my pajamas and my like my lazy clothes? And I said you missed a category. I said I'll do the survey for you, ladies, if you want. Do you like her better when she's dressed in the nines or when she's with her PJs? I'll do the survey for you. But I'm going to add a category you may not have thought in for the for the guys. My third category was ladies. If you want to be loved for authenticity, lose the shirt. I'm not talking about your outfit, talk about you. For you, no gimmicks, no dresses, no, nothing. Now I said guys, would you take naked? Would you choose dressed to the nines? And where you choose pajama clothes, what order would you put your favorite and naked one every time? So if you want to talk about authenticity, he loves you. He loves you without the stuff.

Speaker 2: 1:30:47

It's you he's after. It's not what you wear, what you look like. It's you, he would choose you.

Speaker 1: 1:30:53

I love you for your mind I love you for your mind.

Speaker 2: 1:30:57

Of course, you're great to look at. I love looking at you.

Speaker 1: 1:30:59

You're hot, it's great, but I'm here for this and I'm here for this Right, and this is where these ladies will come up and they'll go like, well, my value comes from, you know, my body, or I have a vagina. I'm like that's crazy because I haven't met a woman yet without one. That's not really a rare commodity. Like, what makes you different from other people Isn't a physical element, because that's a depreciating asset. You know what are you bringing here. So this is the rest of the list for the six and up. This they did the hot crazy scale. So I need you at least six and up. At least try what level of crazy where the guy's like we can't have it anywhere beyond this. Where was our crazy line?

Speaker 2: 1:31:39

Okay, so is one least crazy, intense, most crazy.

Speaker 1: 1:31:42

Yes, what do you think, guys? You said three, so we can only deal with three crazy, and then it's a deal breaker.

Speaker 2: 1:31:52

Oh, deal breaker. Okay, I would say like halfway, I would say five five, all right, very generous, all right.

Speaker 1: 1:31:59

It was eight and under. That's how low the ladies set the bar for our fellas. They're like I'll deal with absolute insanity. Just don't key my car and kill my kids. That's a high number, very high number. You're willing to deal with all that. Oh, ladies, we do. We like like you. Like you just said, I'm not friends with other girls. Try dating them. My lesbian girls I always had my heart goes out to them. They're like oh, not only are they crazy, but I have the same system. Yeah.

Speaker 2: 1:32:32

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 1:32:32

All right. So it was six up, hot, eight under, crazy, very, very lenient. That's our, that's the men's. We don't have this. You have to be a Victoria's secret model and a psychiatrist. We didn't do this Like.

Speaker 1: 1:32:49

We were very, very open for like lots of room here, not to mention the beauty is subjective, you know. So my, my baby is not a small girl. I'm down with the thickness that's me. So my buddy who likes a small, my buddy who likes the small girls, we wouldn't even be in competition. We just like different things. So beauty is subjective. Our guys don't have the same standards that women have on women. We have different things.

Speaker 1: 1:33:14

All right, let's go through the list. We want loyal and trustworthy, which we will also uphold to, will hold ourself to this too. The big one was be kind and nice and a lot of our stuff. Guys would, guys would sacrifice most of these things for just be fucking nice. Again. That, ladies, that's how low you guys are. Hold your, your. Your representing is guys like just just be nice. We had a video on this. Just be nice. That's it. Appreciative, encouraging and supportive. Just appreciate us for what we do and encourage us. We'll do anything for you. Just be cool. Be respectful, which is a little bit subjective because it's a big term, but, you know, show respect to each other. Right, caring, which is probably under nice, but caring shows effort, like tries. You don't have to be perfect, but try, like, just like, put effort in, like I didn't do it right, but I tried my best. I'm like we can do a cool with that. Um, have enthusiasm towards sex. Dead fish is not sexy.

Speaker 2: 1:34:20

That one right there, yes.

Speaker 2: 1:34:23

That's actually like Exactly, and I, like women, are like oh well, I don't understand, because I'm having sex with my husband and he just not, like I'm not apparently, I'm not apparently fulfilling his needs. I'm like but do you want to be there? Because men can, a hundred percent. Okay, I'm being real, real with you right now. Okay, I'm going to be, I'm going to be authentic, okay. So my husband and I would like to take videos and tell us sometimes, whatever. My husband has a video from years ago and I look miserable being there. And when he showed me that it literally flipped something in my brain, I was like oh my gosh, how would I feel as a wife if I was with my husband and he looked so unhappy to be there? That would break my freaking heart and I'm like please delete that video because it makes me feel so bad. But he's like no, I need to keep it as a reminder for both of us.

Speaker 1: 1:35:15

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 1:35:15

And I'm like well played. I get that, but, ladies, initiation goes a long way it really does. I'm preaching on myself too Sometimes, like I got to initiate more. I got to initiate more too. Men just want to feel loved and wanted, and the best way you can do that is by initiating.

Speaker 1: 1:35:39

Well, you, this is. This is how. That's how you caught him, though Remember, before marriage, you were highly enthusiastic.

Speaker 2: 1:35:48

Oh for sure, Because that's how you thought you were going to get him and keep him.

Speaker 1: 1:35:52

And I got him so.

Speaker 2: 1:35:53

I don't have to do that anymore.

Speaker 1: 1:35:55

This is the craziest part about this and I'm going to get to a pretty heavy topic after this, but it's a very, very hard thing, for, like the maintenance dues to having a relationship, they should be as much, if not more, than what it took to get them. Yes, I'm going to get to a hard line on that one later, but enthusiasm towards sex Good story, by the way. That's important one is the reality check and accountability. To what kind of lover are you really? And you saw you and you're like I looked miserable miserable.

Speaker 1: 1:36:26

And like could you imagine if, like you're like hey babe, I want intimacy, he's like oh my God, oh fine, I don't feel good, tonight I got a headache.

Speaker 2: 1:36:36

Oh, my Tommy's wrong. I don't feel like it.

Speaker 1: 1:36:39

I guess, I guess, I'll screw you tonight.

Speaker 2: 1:36:44

Like you. Would feel absolutely miserable as a woman If your man literally was like yeah, no, I just mm yeah, what. Today, so I don't want to have sex with you.

Speaker 1: 1:36:56

The mentality of women as soon as she's rejected by her man. What do most women today's Instagratification Society do as soon as he's not?

Speaker 2: 1:37:05

They go find someone else that will give them attention.

Speaker 1: 1:37:08

That's emotional cheating. That's emotional cheating, you're cheating. You're cheating. No, I'm not cheating. He's not meeting my needs, gaslighting my own introspection.

Speaker 2: 1:37:18

So my husband said this and I was like, oh my gosh, that's so brilliant. Women cheating and men cheating are different Most of the time because men cheat for the physical. When a woman cheats it's emotional. So there's a big gap here. Like a man will do it because he's like, okay, maybe I need some attention, but I'm really just trying to feel a connection with somebody and just and just get off maybe at that point. But women, they start a whole relationship and do this whole thing before they cheat. So, honestly, women cheating is worse than men cheating in my opinion which means women are the emotional cheaters.

Speaker 1: 1:37:51

They're trying to control their own thing.

Speaker 2: 1:37:57

Yep.

Speaker 1: 1:37:57

Women are trying to shame men for the thing that they do.

Speaker 2: 1:38:01

Exactly, and I get that a lot. I get well, you know, I did all this things for her. She's still cheated. And I'm like but women are like, oh, but he's just a sly, sly lion and cheating. I'm like, yeah, but here's the thing. Like, when you don't get what you're seeking you, you so are easily influenced by attention. So, even though your husband could give you attention at home, but when you're at work and somebody flirts with you, you're like, oh, another, another story, I got another story for you.

Speaker 2: 1:38:31

Okay, so my husband calls me beautiful all the time, all day, every day. He thinks I'm the hottest thing on this planet. Okay, but years ago, when he would tell me that I was like yeah, okay, you're supposed to say that you're my husband, but we got kind of like into some things maybe I shouldn't have gotten into, and I started having men message me, give me attention, tell me I was beautiful, and I fell for it. I was like, oh, yeah, I am, I am hot. Like, all these men are giving me attention, I must be hot. I didn't listen to my husband tell me for 10 years, but the second, somebody else did. Now I'm like, I'm attracted by people. Why do we do that Like come on, ladies, we should not be so enthralled by the attention of other men. We should be enthralled by our husband.

Speaker 1: 1:39:14

The shoulds get dangerous. The shoulds are hard. Again, we're watching the, the application of this thing in our lives Like we don't. The psychology world is watching what the fuck is happening to people right now. This is technology that's way beyond our evolution as humans, and so when we're in like small scale, it's a lot easier to manage if it's just like neighborhood or community or even, like you know, city, like we can manage much easier if it's only like up to about 2000 people you even interact with. Right, when it turns into millions to billions, it gets very complicated and we don't know yet what the ramifications are. But we are paying attention to what do people do when they have these things, and I will point out it is destroying women way more than men.

Speaker 2: 1:40:08

Oh, for sure.

Speaker 1: 1:40:09

But it's not not even close, but astronomically different. The issues that are coming into women for self harm, self loathing, self worth, for attention, for addiction through social media. It's off the charts what it's doing on women. For men, I think it was a two or 3% difference Because we really don't fall into it. Even the concept of the detriments of pornography versus the detriments of social media. Pornography is not. The studies have shown it's not all negative. Some relationships have been able to do better with it and they do it together and it's helped in some cases. It's not all, but some it's been a benefit. And also they were like well, studies, how often are guys doing it? Maybe once or twice a week, maybe. Well, if I called you an addict because you were on social media for 30 minutes a week, would you really be like that's an addiction? No, I just don't like that you do it. I don't want to compete with another thought. They're trying to control it. But the? What are these social ramifications?

Speaker 1: 1:41:16

Now, the guys who were like six hours a day on porn were definitely having issues, yeah, and the young kids again young guys, 13 or wherever. These things were like mobile porn hubs, like when they did the studies. For teenage boys, these things were just porn First, that's access to all of it, no question. And so there's a there's when they have hours and hours and hours of just pornography, without intercourse or relationship. It did start to goof up young boys. Again it's. This has been weaponized.

Speaker 1: 1:41:50

But guys who are like in there, like you know, later in age 20, late 20s, into their fifties, it was only maybe a couple of times, at most in a week, and there was little to no detriment to their psyche. They weren't fucked up. They weren't not able to go to work, they weren't able to. They could still sleep, they could still work out, they still took care of themselves, they still took care of their jobs, they still did their stuff, still to care the kids. Everybody was still fine, and so it didn't fuck them up. It would just be like I needed to, like, eat a sandwich is the equivalent of this. The psychological spike, it was the same.

Speaker 1: 1:42:24

And so, with with that element, okay, okay, pornography having its issues, okay. Well, what is social media doing to our ladies, even our three teens and teen girls, all the way up into women? And you're seeing a dramatic decrease in values, a dramatic increase in self esteem issues. You're seeing a massive women to women increase in cyber bullying. You're seeing things go dramatically reckless and painful exiling, closing, unonfollowing, unliking people the negativity that women will share through our comment section and through things we're watching. What are women doing? Women in the workplace has become more and more toxic and less and less cooperative, and we're watching.

Speaker 2: 1:43:15

also, I dealt with this is people reporting you because they don't like what you have to say, like literally, I have a circle of friends that I have and they're all reported because of the things that they say. And we get into this power heavy triple like well, if I don't like it, I can just report it or block them or whatever. And it's again.

Speaker 2: 1:43:33

we're going off those emotions, like we're letting our insecurities be the driving force for what we do, and I've even pulled my social media audience and they, I said, you know, what do you think is like the biggest downfall of marriage, or like what's what's affecting us most? And a lot are saying phones and social media, and I get it and I get why. And that's what we have to be able to like. I don't think there's anything wrong with being able to go on the platform, connect with people, maybe maybe work online, whatever but there has to be like okay, I got to put this down and I got to like live my life.

Speaker 1: 1:44:09

Moderation, discipline, moderation and discipline. In order to be able to fight distraction, you're going to have to have some sort of moderation or awareness. But the issue is is remember, if you're in denial which every woman I've ever worked with operates under denial their entire system, even make up itself, is considered a system for denial. It's made up, it's not real, and so denial is the main curse core for every woman I've ever worked with. I have zero exceptions to this, and so if I can't accept the reality of what is is my core functioning protection system, then you go into denial.

Speaker 1: 1:44:47

Plus distractions is a recipe for addiction. That's how you do that, and so then, what's the addiction then? Well, it can be the comparison courses. Going into social media, it can be. Attention becomes the addiction, and also there's a lot of praise for very negative behavior from women, especially the feminism things, which is creating narcissistic trolls of women, highly narcissistic, manipulative taking. They will isolate and milk somebody dry and then throw them in the garbage and go to the next one. Tell them how they were. Garbage Like, like. This is a very, very toxic behavior that's happening heavily in the female side.

Speaker 2: 1:45:30

And see, this is the thing that I don't think, because, you know, women are out here. Oh men, they're terrible, these guys. Blah, blah, blah. But here's the thing A lot of women are turning good guys into bad men because they're tired dealing with the same bullshit over and over and over again. And and same with women too, though you could have a woman who's actually really amazing and she gets with the wrong guy, who's been treated by bad by the wrong girl, and it's this toxic cycle over and over and over again. And that's why a lot of relationships are going south, because we're taking past experiences, past relationships, and we're bringing that into our new one. So it's like, oh, my ex was a cheater and a liar and all this stuff, and so we're bringing that expectation and we had that wall of. We go into a new relationship and we treat them as if they are our ex. We don't get grace, we don't, we don't trust them.

Speaker 2: 1:46:20

And they need everything they do.

Speaker 1: 1:46:22

Yep and they need to be the cure for the old person's behavior, but we don't have any agreements or conversation about it. You just need to know.

Speaker 2: 1:46:31

Right. You just need to know automatically what I've gone through and the stresses that I've been under and the things I've dealt with, because if you do those things it's a deal breaker.

Speaker 1: 1:46:37

And I'm going to break someone else's heart. And I can abuse you. I can abuse you as much as I like, because I was hurt from somebody else.

Speaker 2: 1:46:46

Exactly, exactly Hurt people, hurt people justifying. We go, we have to broken. People should not be in relationships. Okay, well, they should not go with the controllable.

Speaker 1: 1:47:00

Have a better system for vetting so you can recognize a broken person.

Speaker 2: 1:47:05

Okay, yes, I'll go with that.

Speaker 1: 1:47:06

Because, remember, when I actually do real training, it's not about controlling everyone else, it's about how you handle what things are. And so whenever I work with women, I'm like I would be hard pressed for some of these ladies if I looked at your qualification system for how you chose a mate, if it wouldn't be somewhere on par with like are you going to cheat on me? They're like oh yes, oh yes. All your friends, all of them, maybe your mom like okay, do you have reliable transportation? Nope, gonna fuck your car right up. What's your credit score? 380, gonna have you cosign everything and I'm not paying shit. And they're like when can you start? It's crazy, I'm like.

Speaker 1: 1:47:47

Or I see a lot of women who have so such low self worth beaten down from other women, that, instead of shopping premium for a good man, they go to lost and found and they just try and get a busted ass, old one and thinking that they're going to find a guy because they're dating down so far that he'll never leave her. No, you've got an abusive one and you're dating down that when he abuses you, you picked a terrible one on purpose or like you want a project like oh, I'm going to fix him, or we're broken together so we can heal together.

Speaker 2: 1:48:20

Yeah, but that's the problem is, you're bringing toxic things from both sides into it and you're just creating a shit storm of toxic toxicity, like, literally, you're just which.

Speaker 1: 1:48:29

Which leads which leads to one of the biggest issues I have. I didn't finish. I got two more things on my list, but it leads to one of the biggest issues I had, for I've been doing this for years. People don't know why I really do real deep work. I do deep work, transformational work. You know it transcends psychology, coaching and all the stuff. The stuff I do is insane and I was having a little bit of a crisis because I was realizing I was causing far more divorces than saving marriages by a large margin.

Speaker 1: 1:48:57

It was becoming noticeable that there were more couples split in than staying together after they trained with me there's a video of it. It's up on there where I was in a group of guys and I was sitting in a hotel room talking with a large group of men on advanced training and I'm like I'm a little worried that I'm doing a disservice to you guys and they were all like you. Stop right there. They're like you are the reason I'm no longer in a toxic relationship. I was unhealthy and I chose an unhealthy partner.

Speaker 1: 1:49:29

Now women have hypergamy, which means for the most part, they date equal or up, which means they were dating at least equal, and I was a very unhealthy man and they chose an equally unhealthy woman. That means we have an unhealthy relationship and then one person works with me and becomes a confident, healthy, strong leader, a pack leader, a good man, honorable, noble. He will preside, he will protect, he will provide, he is good and he's with a woman who's still unhealthy, expecting him to treat her like a fucking princess when he's now gone, like I'm no longer this piece of shit I was. I'm a good man now, but now I need a good woman. And they're like I will not budge, I will not grow, I will not take accountability, I will not be authentic, I will not show empathy, I will not even change one thing and they'll start sabotaging him to make him feel shamed, blamed and judged, to pull him back down to her level and my man, go. No, you have to go.

Speaker 2: 1:50:36

So this and I love that she said that, because part of what I do when I, when I coach people or counsel people and give them advice, is they're like well, what should I do? Like my spouse is a changing, they're not taking accountability, whatever. And I was like here's, here's the deal. You have to work on you. You have to grow yourself as a human being, as a person. You have to grow and change and become accountable. Right, because one of two things is going to happen.

Speaker 2: 1:51:00

And this is for husbands or wives, I don't care who you are, this is for everybody. Okay. When you start to elevate yourself and become better, one of two things is going to happen. They're either going to be like, oh shit, they're leveling up I got to level up too or you're going to grow apart and you're going to realize exactly what you need to know. So when people like, should I get a divorce, I'm like I'm not going to tell you to get a divorce. That is not my place. Pray about it. You got to figure that out for yourself. But what I can tell you is you need to work on becoming the best version of yourself.

Speaker 2: 1:51:30

And and because that's what happened with us, my husband was like you know, these are the things that that I see, that are flaws. The intimacy is the problem, like all these different things. And I was like well, these are the things I'm seeing in you. And so when he pointed out these things to me, I'm like what if? What if? I just became extremely accountable for my thoughts and actions? And instead of just deflecting and getting defensive, I just like own up to stuff. And he said when he saw me leveling up, he goes oh shit, she's she's game. Okay, I got to level up too.

Speaker 2: 1:52:01

So we're now in this, this constant battle of leveling up, and, okay, we're out serving each other. How can I serve you? Oh, no, I'm going to serve you. It's funny like I love serving my husband his plate Okay, some people think that's weird. Some people think that I love making his plate and serving it to him. I love it. People get on me for that. He's a girl man, he can do it himself whatever.

Speaker 2: 1:52:19

But we fight to take each other's dish to the sink, like I will go and grab me, say no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. And like we. It's. It's something we do, but we're trying to level up and be better for the other person. The worst thing you can do is not become a better person. I don't care who your spouse is. You should always become better, despite what they're doing. And if you can do that and you can grow and become better, if, for some reason, you're splitting, you're becoming better for the next person and you can move on. But if you say stuff you're like, oh, I can't, I don't want to level up. It's hard, life is hard. Get over it. Like, elevate, become better.

Speaker 1: 1:53:01

Well, you chose at that point to make yourself not qualified for the prince, for the king you have chosen. I don't want this position and you want to still be the princess who takes and not the queen who gives. Well, said, that's a good, you bonded on that one. That was good.

Speaker 2: 1:53:21

Yeah, I mean and that. But seriously, when people like, but what made you take accountability? Like that's my question I get asked the most what made you take accountability? And I was like the fact that I was about to lose everything because I was being a dumb ass. Plain and simple.

Speaker 1: 1:53:36

Rock bottom. It matters, it is important and this is something where, with a lot of the couple, especially women remember, women live in denial. Accountability, authenticity, empathy If any woman can do these three I built a women's group and that's the three foundational things this will put you in a single digit woman. You'll be in top 10%. If you can do these three things accountability, authenticity and if you can have empathy for your man, you are in one of the greatest women on earth.

Speaker 2: 1:54:07

You're top tier. You're that unicorn wife. You talk about everyone's like you're a unicorn wife. I'm like, listen, I love the title, but I don't want to be a unicorn. I want all women to be like this. That is. My goal is to help women become the best version of themselves for their husbands.

Speaker 1: 1:54:21

Well, according to this side, you're a black sheep at the moment. So I'm in the same boat where I'm hurting black sheep at the moment. When I find the women who are sick of the bullshit even their own Yep, I'm putting them in because a lot of the girls had the same thing that you had is I can't trust other women. They're gattie, they're two-timing, they're shady, they talk behind each other's backs, they gossip, they put each other down, they bully behind the scenes, they are always comparing. They're like can we just get a loyal friend for a while?

Speaker 2: 1:54:49

Yeah, for sure, exactly.

Speaker 1: 1:54:51

I started pushing women towards a group like this because they're tired of that behavior too, which puts them in like we're not part of the regular herd, we're the black sheep. For what is regular, and which is really disappointing, is to go well, what's regular? Gossip, betrayal, shatiness, selfishness, all of these behaviors that are regular. Ladies, this is your chance. This is your chance. Ladies. You have people who have fought for you to have equality. You have people who have fought for you to have a voice. You have people who have fought for you to have a chance to lead. You have people who have like. We'll give anything to show that women, if we are in control, the abuse will stop, there will be nurture, there will be compassion, there will be kindness, there will be empathy, there will be love, there will be. We will show you how to lead.

Speaker 1: 1:55:42

Men were brutal leaders and they were abusive monsters. If we only had our shot. We'll show you how it should be done. And, ladies, you're in the middle of the experiment right now that if we give women the chance, what do they do with it? They destroy other women, destroy other women. Just look at your comment section. They're not. They're not girl power. They're ripping you apart? That's what girls do when they have equality and a chance. What are they doing? They're destroying their sons. They're destroying their men. They're destroying their husbands. They're destroying everything for selfishness. Swipe right, get more. It's all about me, and if I don't get my needs met, I'll go get another one. Ladies, you're showing us your cards. If we give you the wheel, you're showing us what you do if you have control and if you have power and if you have authority, and it's becoming abusive.

Speaker 2: 1:56:50

You know what's really sad to me? Because I I love marriage, I love talking about marriage and the trend on my platform now is men are saying don't get married, there's no benefit, do not get married. And honestly I I usually get really mad at them. I'm like, no, don't tell people that, but I'm like I get it now, like I see that there is no, there's not a lot of benefits for men in marriage anymore.

Speaker 1: 1:57:14

It's become tricky. So I'm not on red pill or migthow, like I don't go that direction. But they do have good points, you know. So, like the rich coopers and the guys who are out there who are like marriage, stupid, it's bad business deal. If you remove emotion, what's the business deal? I'm like all right, christina, here's the sale. We're going to get together. I get all of your resources, I get all of your provisions. I get all of your stuff. Everything you have becomes mine. I can, at any point in this deal, do anything I fucking want to you. I can go and cheat on you, I can steal your shit, I can fuck you over, I can abuse you. I can do anything I want to you and, guaranteed, from this point on, you will lose all of your things that you have. I will then get money that you'll pay me for so I can go be with other people after you and I will be have any children that we have will be weaponized against you.

Speaker 1: 1:58:14

And that means I will get them. You can't even fight it, Even if I'm a terrible person and you're a good person. I just win and you have to pay me for them and you can't see them except for when I tell you to. And I am going to make it very difficult for you to be a good mother. I am going to guarantee it is going to be a nightmare to be a good mother. I will ruin it. I will talk bad about you to the kids when they see you.

Speaker 1: 1:58:44

They're going to hate you and I am going to do my and I have no consequences. I have. I can make up any reason. I can go cheat on you and you give me half your retirement and you pay for my alimony. I can go do anything I want and you will be punished. You'll be punished, Punished even if I cheat on you or leave you or destroy the relationship. You still pay for it when we sign up, isn't?

Speaker 2: 1:59:12

it like 70% of women actually initiate divorce.

Speaker 1: 1:59:15

Yep, because they're getting. They're getting prizes they get. Is it become? It has become. You get a treat for bad behavior for women, again, there's a lot. If you look at the men's rights activists that are the loudest right now, it's women because they're going hey, ladies, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You are fucking us up right now. This I've been saying this for a couple of years. Just look at the writing on the wall. In the next handful of years, women get annihilated and they're setting themselves up for it. I have three teenage daughters. I do not want this outcome. This isn't me being sexist. I just see the writing on the wall.

Speaker 2: 1:59:58

I agree.

Speaker 1: 1:59:59

They will lose privileges. It will get complicated because it goes one or two ways here. We either just go straight 5050 and women get fucking blasted, or women lose privilege and they no longer get a say because they cannot handle responsibility and power. And they have now been removed and we have done the experiments long enough to know it turns into universe 25. And we become extinct. If women call the shots Thanks. This is not good for ladies. So with the transgender stuff too, women don't even have a trophy anymore, so the guys will just win everything.

Speaker 2: 2:00:38

Don't get me even start on that topic, I'm just saying I've got transgender friends and they're even.

Speaker 1: 2:00:43

They don't like some of this shit. They don't even like this shit. It's going way wrong for everybody and so it's these kinds of behaviors that we're watching that I'm like. This is bad for ladies. And right now the guys there's good guys, the Me Too phase and all that stuff the guys are coming out going. We don't like that either. We want to be good men, we want to be good fathers, we want to be good, and women are now using authority as the reason to do maximum damage to good men. Now there are bad guys out there. I'm not defending the bad ones. In fact, the bad guys hate me. They don't like me because I call their shit out. They don't like me. But good men, good men, are in tough fights with bad women, and bad women, with no consequences, will do maximum evil. This is exposing you, ladies. This isn't. This is going to be glorified by the small groups and later the masses will go. We can't give women authority. They just destroy everybody. We can't.

Speaker 2: 2:01:43

I mean, let's be real, like if we go back to the beginning, who ate the apple? I mean, just prove right there that even something as simple as just don't eat from this tree, like you have every other tree, but this is the one you can't have.

Speaker 1: 2:02:02

I'll be a little bit. I'm a little bit different on this one. I understand the story for Adam and Eve, I get it. But when it comes down to this one, can we just be fair, at least in Eve's favor a little bit here? Who could outsmart an archangel who knows all, when you've never even heard a lie before?

Speaker 2: 2:02:21

That is true.

Speaker 1: 2:02:22

Like, let's be real, if I had Lucifer come down, that boy would be convincing Like he's very, very, very convincing, so I can't really fault her for that.

Speaker 2: 2:02:33

It's not all on Eve either. I get it Because, if you honestly look at the story, Adam was informed of this before Eve was ever created.

Speaker 1: 2:02:42

Well, no, well, adam fucked up pretty hard, but he had to make a tough choice and you could look at it. I even wrote a thing for Adam and Eve, where this is arguably a very romantic situation, because Eve got deceived by an archangel who is way smarter than her by an astronomical amount. It's not even a saint, it's not a. It's a university professor, brilliant PhD. Convincing a three-year-old to get candy Like it's not a fair argument. So she's deceived.

Speaker 1: 2:03:15

Adam, he did one of these things where he's like oh no, fuck, babe, why did you? We knew not to. Oh, if I do this shit, I know that we lose everything and God's going to do this. But you're my girl, but God, and he's weighing shit out, he didn't go, you're in a couple. Oh, he didn't do that.

Speaker 1: 2:03:44

Adam is like son of a bitch. Oh, my God. Oh, I know how this goes, I know what this means, I know what happens if I do this. And so now I have to choose sacrificing my job, my purpose, my reason for existence, my paradise itself, everything that I have, everything that I am, everything that's good, my God, my everything, or my girl. Right now I have to sacrifice. I name the animals and I am a man that's. I serve God. I do this every single ounce of what I am as a person. I now have to sacrifice all of it to be with my girl. He's like fuck. He chose. He wasn't deceived, he wasn't tricked, he wasn't, he wasn't fooled. He was like I absolutely know what this is. He's like baby, I love you so fucking much. I'm about to betray everything. I am for you and that's why Adam got fucked up. It's because he knew and did it. She got tricked by an archangel. You didn't have a fucking. You didn't have a fighting fucking chance. Now, I'm not saying she didn't do her shit. I'm just saying that's not really a fair fight.

Speaker 1: 2:05:02

And at that point, my opinion listen, I'm pro God. He's my boy. I think there's a lot of flaws with how we interpret it. In my opinion, god should have been like I'm not going to be punishing all a mankind who had a chance against an archangel in an argument who? I mean, that's kind of fucked Like. That's not really fair. So I'm like he didn't. Neither of them could have outdebated him. He's, he helped me eat everything. He was part of it. So Right, I have a little bit of a gripe in some of those areas where you know even Jesus dying, I have my own thing for it, because I'm like Jesus had to die for all our sins to reset all of it, because when Adam died he created sin and all that shit. I'm like, well, who made the rule after Adam? And Eve did that. Who made the rule for, like everyone's in sin, who made that rule? Well, god did. Well, the wise Jesus got to die to break God's rule, because isn't that God's? It's?

Speaker 2: 2:05:57

very complex.

Speaker 1: 2:05:58

Yes, I'm like I'm scratching my head a little bit. So the Adam and Eve thing, for like who opened Pandora's box, and almost every religion does have like the women are the reason why everything is fucked Like. It doesn't matter what it is. Almost every religion has women made a problem.

Speaker 2: 2:06:15

It takes two. It does take two, like it's not just one or the other. Is there a majority of women doing a lot more damage? Yes, absolutely. But it's also in how we respond to things, too. Like I think we got to put that on the table is like so one thing I always teach my kids is just because someone does something to you, how you respond is literally everything, and it's the same thing in your marriage. How you respond to the things that happen to you is where is what? Is what comes down to it? Like OK, I can choose. I actually made a video that talks about like OK, hey, I pick up my husband's dirty clothes. He leaves next basket, he leaves beard on the sink. Like I wipe it down. Like all this stuff right. And everybody got upset because of like oh my gosh, your husband's lazy, you have to start your truck, you have to serve him.

Speaker 1: 2:07:06

But not everybody, not everybody.

Speaker 2: 2:07:09

Not everybody. Everybody was pissed. Everybody was pissed. Said that right, but I was like you missed the point. The point was I get to choose how I respond. Ok, my husband actually does more for me than I do for him. A lot of the time Does he leave his dirty laundry everywhere Sometimes? Ok, but so do I. My point was in saying I could either nag him and be like oh my.

Speaker 2: 2:07:32

God, you left your beard hair everywhere. Oh my God, you left the seat up. Oh my God, you did all this stuff. Or I could just say you know what, maybe he had a long day. Let me just do it and not just think about it. It's how we respond to situations that determine where things go. So we can sit here all day and point blame and nag and be controlling and all this stuff, but how you respond is everything.

Speaker 1: 2:07:57

This is called the Epictetus Compass in my program. Epictetus, a Stoic philosopher, you know. Over 2000 years ago he had a quote and it was. It was more gender is more like. You know, circumstances do not define a man, they reveal him to himself. So let's just PC it up a little bit. Your circumstances do not define you, they reveal you to yourself. And so here you are in a circumstance where your husband does certain things, he sacrifices day, and then you just take care of a few things when he gets home. Now you're seeing the women who are bitching, complaining, nagging. He shouldn't do that. He should be a grown man. He's you're, not his mother. All of these things.

Speaker 2: 2:08:37

He's a child. You have another child.

Speaker 1: 2:08:39

Look at all of the judgments being thrown around, as though, because they're mean, because they're cold, because they don't have compassion or empathy, because they don't know you or don't understand you, they're revealing them to themselves. You're not a nice person because you wouldn't like being treated the way you treat people. You speak and blame, shame and judgment. Yet you feel like, because you're opinionated, you should be an authority of how Christina and her husband live their lives Exactly. But you would hate being told by someone who doesn't know you at all how to be. You've revealed you to yourself, do you see? You and your comment section, ladies, are. This is why I say denial is the main, the main curse. They feel completely justified and speaking in cruelty, as though there should be no accountability to the way that they treat others and, as it stands, there is no consequence. It's glorified behavior until it's going to hit the wall and the guys who protect, the guys who provide, the guys who are good men are all going to say we don't need you at all.

Speaker 2: 2:09:55

Yep, that is so true.

Speaker 1: 2:09:58

Real talk, real talk. And I'm not even pro this, I'm just. I'm in the psychology world. You ladies will be competing with sex dolls soon. It's going to be a legit competition too, because they're going to AI future models of these things, and it's not just about the physical element. These ladies, these dolls, are going to know their whole personality, type, their profiles. They'll listen to understand, they'll be interactive in a way that's more compassionate, understanding. You will actually have real competition, and it won't even be a real person. Yep, you ladies are setting yourselves up for failure.

Speaker 2: 2:10:39

Exactly. They're doing it to themselves because, if we're honest, men don't need women. They don't. They can do everything by themselves. They can't have, obviously, they can't have kids without a woman and women can't have kids without a man.

Speaker 1: 2:10:51

But we're getting to an incubation point, though, where, well, if we have an egg, we may not need a woman. That's not, it's true, it's getting there. That's not healthy. It's getting there Right.

Speaker 2: 2:11:04

We're at the point where people are so sick and tired of dealing with this crap that they're like I. It's honestly more beneficial for me, like I said, to stay single is what a lot of these men are saying. They're like I can cook by myself, I can clean, I got to work and provide a paycheck, I can buy my own home, I have a dog and I have a hand. I'm good, or an artificial white, whatever the case.

Speaker 1: 2:11:26

Well, guys are unifying right now. My men, even my men, like, when I was looking up the emotional cheating element, I realized, myself included and my men, we were all emotionally cheating with the brotherhood of men because it was the only place anybody was compassionate about your heart. Like, bro, you got a broken heart today. Dude, I'm with you, man. Hey, how can I be there for you? Man, I'll just stay up all night and hang with you so you don't feel like alone. Man, I got you Like, we'll just hanging with each other. Dude, you're valuable to me, you're important, man, you're one of us. Bro, like we were realizing that all of the emotional support that we needed from our partner was coming from brothers. Just like a guy was like, dude, I just got blasted today. They're like, man, my heart's with you. Bro, that sucks, I hear you, man. Man, how can I be?

Speaker 1: 2:12:15

there for you. What do you need?

Speaker 2: 2:12:16

And that's crazy, that women don't think men have empathy or feelings, because they really do.

Speaker 1: 2:12:21

We have massive empathy. Women just don't acknowledge it because they blame, shame and judge these days, remember when you started taking accountability, you started seeing your man's heart.

Speaker 2: 2:12:33

Oh, absolutely. And let me tell you. Let me tell you this my husband thought for years that he could not tell me or talk to me about things because he was going to be judged, shamed, whatever. So when I came to him and I said I want you to know that you can tell me anything and I'm not going to judge you, I'm not going to shame. Talk to me like we're best friends, Gender not involved, Just talk to me like we're friends, Talk to me like and when we did that. And I said that I have never seen my husband open up more. Because what is it? I mean, I'm sure you've heard this too. I don't tell my wife things because she ends up using it against me later.

Speaker 1: 2:13:07

It is absolutely. What do you know?

Speaker 2: 2:13:10

What do you know? What we say? What's going on with?

Speaker 1: 2:13:11

everybody about it. You know why your guy doesn't talk to you because you're not safe to talk to.

Speaker 2: 2:13:16

Exactly If they know that when you talk to them, you're going to go and tell your mother and your co-worker and your cousin and everybody about it and you don't get to say you're part of the story. That's why I, honestly, when I talk to couples, I'm like your relationship is between you two and if you have either a pastor or a coach or a counselor, that too needs to be in your marriage. Not your mom, not your sister, not your best friend, not your cousin, not nobody. Because here's the thing when you go to your whoever about a situation, they're obviously going to side with you.

Speaker 2: 2:13:47

They're biased, they're their best friend, of course, if you tell them oh my God, my husband did this. They're going to go screw him. No, no, no, don't stand for that Right.

Speaker 1: 2:13:56

The agreeableness.

Speaker 2: 2:13:58

You can go home and fix the situation, but your best friends aren't going to build a case against him in her head. And then, when everything's good with you, she's still like, oh that son of a bitch. And then you go back six months later and you talk with someone. I told you to leave him six months ago. They're building a case. We got to leave other people out of our marriage because, honestly, when you put people into your marriage, you're causing for disaster every time, because when people don't necessarily think the way you do, they don't have the same values as you and they're going off their jaded view and perspective of whatever they've dealt with.

Speaker 1: 2:14:27

Correct. Boys don't do this, just so you know. And ladies listen, I've run both men and women's groups. Ladies, you have to really do work to stop them from doing this. Men do not do this. Ladies, If you think men's groups just get together and bitch about you, you don't know what you're talking about. We removed all of that portion out of the program because men don't do that. Men will come and go, guys.

Speaker 1: 2:14:54

Here's my scenario, and I felt like it was really fucked up. But what do you guys see? And you'll see guys who give 10 different points of view, some empathizing with her, some empathizing with him, some being completely down the center. You'll see all these different points of view and go all right, now pick which one feels the most right for you, because the smartest man is a guy who can see it from the most perspectives. And so, men, that's what we do for each other. And then we go now pick which one feels right. Bro, You're like that's it, and I go. Man, I didn't think about that one for how she sees it. That's a good call. That really calms me down, man, Good call. You know, we look out for each other in that way, Women. Screw him, leave him swipe right, get another one. I just left mine, you should just leave yours, no thoughts.

Speaker 2: 2:15:39

And we're also getting advice from people, like I said, with Jada's opinions.

Speaker 1: 2:15:42

Oh, my God.

Speaker 2: 2:15:43

It's crazy too, because it's supposed to be edifying in public and correct in private, right? Well, for men, yeah sure I know my whatever people talk to me that I've hung out with my husband, like your husband speaks so highly of you, like he talks about you all the time, he loves you, he speaks so well of you, but then you hear about a woman talking about her husband and she's berating him and she's bashing him and she's calling him out. We should be edifying our spouse Despite the flaws we all have flaws. We need to be encouraging, supporting, loving and edifying our spouse to the people around us.

Speaker 1: 2:16:18

We're revealing ourselves Backstriple. Yes, absolutely. We reveal again. Like that you reveal you to yourself If you go and talk behind people's backs, you gossip, you complain, you nag, you bitch. It's not everyone is wrong, it's. You're showing you who you are.

Speaker 2: 2:16:38

Showing your true colors.

Speaker 1: 2:16:40

And now, this is why I say women gaslight their introspection. They don't call what they're doing bad, but they hate when they see someone else do it. Of course, that's the denial, that's the core curse for all women. Yep, as I cannot be truthful even to myself about my own behavior because it will hurt my feelings, you should love me for who I am, and I'm a pretty princess. You should just give me. And if you don't just give me, I'll find someone who will.

Speaker 2: 2:17:08

Exactly. And then how many later does it take to get to somebody who's falling, willing to put up?

Speaker 1: 2:17:13

Which, oh good hit. And then also, women are also trying to say I want you to measure me for what my value and worth is. And, guys, you want to. You don't want me to love you for who you are, you want me to love you for what you provide. Well, this 50, 50 thing is fucking awesome. Let's do it Right, let's you want to compete with me? You're out your damn mind. Let's go. You don't want to trophy, you don't?

Speaker 2: 2:17:41

want to compete. This makes me think, though, of like conditional and unconditional love, right.

Speaker 1: 2:17:46

We're going to get in All right. I think it's all conditional.

Speaker 2: 2:17:52

Chris Rock said it best Women, children and dogs are love unconditionally, but men their love with condition.

Speaker 1: 2:17:58

Well, they're love for what they are and what they can provide.

Speaker 1: 2:18:02

Yeah, men are love for what they provide. I don't. I don't think there's anything is unconditional love. I don't think everything's got a condition. There's some condition to it. And so I've got a spirit. I got a guy who's a doctorate in theology and I've got a guy who's like a pastor at Dead Sea Scrolls who run my spirit side stuff for my guys. Like we get into the deep spirit talk, not just religion, like energy, spirit source, like a God. We get in all of it. And that's why we don't judge our journey in the warrior's way, mindset Like you'll find it and you just keep finding. You'll find God. Just keep searching, keep going, you'll find the source at some point. Start with the law of attraction, I don't care. Start with manifestation, start with karma, I don't give a shit, you'll find it, just keep going Anyways. And so when we started getting into the, well, we just talked about this. We had went into the theology, went into what was I? Just we were just on a topic and just lost it.

Speaker 2: 2:18:56

Conditional, unconditional love.

Speaker 1: 2:18:57

Yes, thank you so much. Well played, all right. So we got into unconditional love. Unconditional love and I'm like I'll be very open with you I don't know what that is, I don't have any context to it, I've never received it and they're like well, god gives unconditional love. I'm like, maybe after Matthew in this book, but pre Matthew in this thing, god's flooding people, burning down places, blowing shit up, killing armies, letting guys get hit in the face with rocks and their heads cut off, like Samson's knocking buildings down on people. God's whooping ass in the first half of this thing.

Speaker 2: 2:19:37

Yeah, so wrap it on.

Speaker 1: 2:19:39

And then that seems like a condition. He was picking sides. Pharaoh had plagues on this boy, he was picking sides, and so that seems pretty conditional. If you lived in Sodom and Gomorrah, there was conditions. He had like, hey, I got some lines here, that's conditions, and if you don't like it, I want to rain fire and brimstone from the sky.

Speaker 2: 2:20:05

I think the sin part of it, though, is what breaks that. It's like I don't know. I mean, that's a great point, but I think that's exactly why Jesus came to Still a condition.

Speaker 1: 2:20:19

Even in Revelation there's going to be a harvesting, you know, the wheat from the weeds, the sheep from the goats. Well, that's a condition. He's going to stay like hey, you're good, You're not good, that's a condition. And so now can he forgive? I have a very different, you know, concept for the forgiveness element yeah, you can forgive, but to say no conditions at all.

Speaker 2: 2:20:41

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 2:20:42

If you're full blown anti God and against him, that's a condition he doesn't like. He's a jealous God.

Speaker 2: 2:20:49

Yeah, for sure.

Speaker 1: 2:20:51

That's a condition. You can't pick a different God and say like, yeah, I'm still good with you, but I don't like you. I've picked this God. He's like that's a condition.

Speaker 2: 2:20:58

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 2:20:59

So I don't know what unconditional love is, because even my baby I love her. But there are conditions.

Speaker 2: 2:21:07

And I get that point, I get that point.

Speaker 1: 2:21:10

There's certain things I know I can't do.

Speaker 2: 2:21:13

I think it's more like this. It's kind of more like I love you for what you can provide rather than just who you are as a person. And we get a lot on the topic of, like narcissists, abuse, that kind of stuff. Well, how can I love that person if they're doing these things to me? Because the thing is we have to love the person, not the sin. Obviously we don't like the behavior, but the point is to love the person for who they are. Do they have flaws? Do they have things that they're dealing with? They show us absolutely.

Speaker 2: 2:21:41

But at the same time, we have to be, we can't just be like, okay, well, you have all these things to screw you, I just can't love you because of these things. Now, of course, in our minds we all have our thing that will break us right. We all have the thing that's like this is a deal breaker, like if you do this, you're done right and I get that. But we also have to understand that people, like they go through things, they experience life and they have things that wear on them harder than maybe, like I wouldn't necessarily understand going to a job all day like my husband does. He works a hard physical job. He works with a boss who sucks Like I don't necessarily understand or deal with that. So when I'm trying to counsel him and tell him things like oh hey, like it's okay, like what a big deal. He's like, no, you can't understand.

Speaker 2: 2:22:28

So for me, when we talk about this conditional love, like I can understand loving somebody through a hard time, but yes, there is a point where you're like I don't know, like I can't. Maybe I can't agree with you on that. I can't love you in that way of being like and I tell my husband this, we had this conversation yesterday I love you, but some days I don't like you and that's okay. Okay, I'm like, and I'm sure there are some days that you didn't like me but we still love you. But if you can't treat a person like they're a second class citizen in their own home just because you don't agree with everything that they do or you don't necessarily understand why they're doing the things they do, because sometimes my husband gets mad about things and I'm like why are you so mad? I don't understand it, but he's mad for a valid reason. Maybe I don't agree with the way he gets mad or that kind of thing, and maybe he doesn't understand what I do, but he's still got to love being on those bounds.

Speaker 1: 2:23:22

What other emotion is okay for him to show when things are catastrophically not okay? Can he just break down and start ugly face crying over things at work? Baby, he broke my job. It was so hard, it was so hard. Would that be like?

Speaker 2: 2:23:36

totally, he might not have enough reward, but if he did, like Well, you say that.

Speaker 1: 2:23:41

And this is where women say that, until it happens. And I talked to guy after guy after guy who's like. She said she wanted me more vulnerable. She said she wanted me to open up to her. She said she wanted me to unload and I did that and they got friendzoned, sleep in separate bedrooms and then she left them for another guy, all pivoting from the moment he became undesirable to her when he showed I am not the strong one to lean on, I am not the foundation, because I, ugly face, cried over something you didn't deem enough for.

Speaker 2: 2:24:20

If I, if it's me, in my honest opinion, if a guy can cry in front of me and show that emotion, I find that attractive.

Speaker 1: 2:24:29

I'm not talking about one beautiful stoic tear when the deer dies at the end of the movie I'm talking about. I can't handle this Like ladies don't do well with it.

Speaker 2: 2:24:41

If it's every day.

Speaker 1: 2:24:43

Oh see, now we started getting how much frequency is okay.

Speaker 2: 2:24:47

Because here's the thing is okay, here's the thing. My husband is a strong man. He doesn't like to show emotion, but I give him that space to do it if need be, but he's not one who feels the need to have to do that. Are there men out there that maybe?

Speaker 1: 2:25:03

do that he does. He does. Women don't give empathy to men, though, so he can't be open the way you think he should be. There's too much judgment, not enough empathy. When I did the video, and I've been training this for years, which is why I blew up even on the To Be Better podcast, where men have to lean into anger. It's the only option. We're trained from teenager to even do. We have to, because if we go into depression and if we go into sadness, it is shamed and judged, we are rejected, we are thrown away, we are discarded and we are unworthy across the board. We learn at a young age. Tears leave you lonely. We learn we take all of that energy and convert it into anger. Why anger? Because anger gives you respect. Anger will back a motherfucker off. Anger looks like you know what you want. Because you're loud, you're boisterous, you make yourself bigger, like your. Anger looks like yeah, you've got, I've got power, I will force things to be. It can come off as like he knows what he wants.

Speaker 2: 2:26:16

You know what's really funny, though, because I actually duetted that video, y'all and I was like oh my gosh, that even light bulb for me. I was like oh my gosh, men, don't cry.

Speaker 1: 2:26:25

They did anger instead of crying. Anger is how we cry. We convert our tears to anger because anger gives us a better result. So when he's really going through it, anger is how we cry is a real thing. For men, that's the only thing we're allowed to do, so this is where I say the empathy for women. If your guy is like, oh, I'm so mad, like he's mad, instead of going, oh you're bad, you don't control your anger, go. He may be sad and his heart is hurt.

Speaker 2: 2:26:59

Yep, I agree.

Speaker 1: 2:27:00

If you switch it, ooh, the whole game gets different, because now you don't look at someone with judgment, you look at him with compassion and go baby, baby, what happened? And I'm here for you, Instead of going like you're an asshole.

Speaker 2: 2:27:13

Yes, yes, I agree, Because even just yesterday my husband was having an off day. He wasn't. He was mad about something and he got upset because I he knew that he was upset, he knew what he was upset about and he knew the way he was upset about it. And so I came to him and saying like let's talk this out, let's. And he's like it doesn't matter, I don't wanna talk about it, but I'm like but you need to talk about it. I know you need to talk about it because you gotta get it off your chest, you gotta get it out. If you hold it in, you're gonna make it even worse. You're gonna make it even worse.

Speaker 1: 2:27:47

But you're forcing compliance to make it so that he does what you think he should do in the middle of him saying what he needs.

Speaker 2: 2:27:55

Maybe yeah.

Speaker 1: 2:27:56

Yeah, he's like give me some space, let me chill it out. I got it, I don't need anything. And you're like no, what you need to do is you need to talk about it. You need to let it out. You need to do this. He's like no, I didn't ask you what I needed. I told you what I needed. Let me cool down, give me my space. I've got this. No, you need to talk it out right now.

Speaker 2: 2:28:19

That's a toxic trait, that's my toxic trait, because and now that you're saying that, what I'm feeling like is we're doing what we we wanna do, what we need to do. We need to let it out. We need events.

Speaker 1: 2:28:31

Correct.

Speaker 2: 2:28:32

And we want them to not necessarily fix it, we just want them to feel for us right and so we get upset which guys we're not built for but can do.

Speaker 1: 2:28:43

We don't like it, but we can do it.

Speaker 2: 2:28:45

But here's the thing I've learned with that Cause we do something called fix it or feel it, Like, okay, is this a fix it situation or a feel it situation? So I know, but we end up when we're feeling we fix it Because we talk ourselves into whatever we were freaking out about.

Speaker 1: 2:29:00

I have a theory for that. We'll get back to the anger of Ben in a second, but I have a theory for that. I believe men need men and women need women and women need to get healthier period, especially for other women, because I think that women can vent to other women and that's okay. But then take the two things after your 10 vents, take your two things you actually do want fixed and then bring those to your husband, cause we don't do as well with 10 or 11 things. Give me the two. All right, I got you babe, but if you do the 10 things, I'm like I don't know what the fuck you're talking about.

Speaker 2: 2:29:31

Right, and they're all like off the wall of different things and you're like these don't even make sense to me.

Speaker 1: 2:29:35

Yeah, cause it's all different categories but women have them all linked to an emotion. So it could be just frustration and you're like my frustration is the kids relate to school. Your mother-in-law calls too much. I don't like the way that work, does this thing, and then my show got canceled, and then this thing. And you're like these are all the frustration and you're like the guy's like these are all totally different things. What are you working on?

Speaker 2: 2:29:58

And we understand it, cause it's us. But they're like that's like a whole compound of problems in one, like let's have a one of them, even with my baby.

Speaker 1: 2:30:07

I love her and I'll write down her stack. I'll start. I'm like here's your stack, I'm listening, I'll just listen and document. And then I'll go like, okay, this is 10 different topics, let's go back on the first one. What did you mean by this? And then I just go to another page because I know it's gonna be a whole new stack of all different things and then I'll pick one and then it'll be a whole another stack and we never actually get anywhere.

Speaker 2: 2:30:32

No, we never fixed the problem. We're just venting about things. And so when I talk to people, I'm like, listen, I'm all fine with having a five minute pity party where you just vent and you get upset. But if you're gonna come to me have a solution, we're not just gonna sit here and cry and vent about it. We're gonna actually figure the frick out what we're doing Like we're gonna have a resolution to the problem. That's the thing I cannot stand.

Speaker 1: 2:30:53

And when you have a problem, then maybe you and your that's you and your masculine energy, though that's you and your masculine Fix the fucking problem. Fix the fucking problem, like, hold on, get in flow, girlfriend, Get in flow, slow down, it's okay, you're trying to fix the problem. No, no, no, just be there for it, be there. The lady's side is actually, if ladies get in there, feminine, it's a lot less stressful.

Speaker 2: 2:31:20

Oh, for sure.

Speaker 1: 2:31:21

And that's where I'm watching. You know you watch like how much are you trying to control things? Show us how much you're not in your energy. Now I'm not big on polarization, but I do acknowledge it exists, like there are elements that do seem genuine, that, if done in an authentic way, does work. Now, it's not universal. Some people in polarization will say the men do this, the women do this. There are exceptions to all relationships. Some people really do find it's authentically compatible with certain traits. You know so it's not perfect, but I do believe that there's merit to it. But when women try to control things, I believe again, I don't think they're built for leadership. They don't have empathy for a member of their pack and they can't control their emotions enough to be in control of everything. And when they are in control of everything, they get overwhelmed and fall apart.

Speaker 1: 2:32:14

Well those aren't leadership traits, that's just traits. Those aren't leadership traits, and so they become unhealthy because they're not built to process how men do. Men compartmentalize and we process in a way that's very, very different, which allows us to be more logical and make a better outcome of what is right decision, not a who is right decision for the pack, for sure, for sure, and so that's why this isn't even biblical. That's just how do we operate as people.

Speaker 2: 2:32:45

I'm like I don't have anything coached right now, Like I feel like you know, like I was, like I was starting to be coached on this call. I was coming on here to give my viewpoint, but this is good. This is why I like this like collaborative culture style thing, because there's things that I learn and maybe there's things that you learned or sparked a thought or whatever, and that's why I love these, because even the master can be schooled.

Speaker 1: 2:33:13

Well, we're all experts in different pieces. I'm not a relationship coach, I'm a. I work in the psychology world, so I'm observational and have high discernment, and so I and I work on the self element, on both. Whenever I work with relationships, it's a little more complicated. So I'm not, I don't like to work with relationships. Even when I do, she's on her missions, he's on his missions, and they are not the same Yep. And so that's where, like, I work with people for themselves. That's why I work with majority men on purpose. I'm building the leadership, healthy pack leaders. Remember, the boys are conquesting, taking, getting, trying to rack up numbers, getting power, getting money, getting fame, trying to get, get, get, get, get. I wanna fuck everybody and get all the money. Like that's boys, but at some point you get enough. Or you have a family, or you have a child. There's some break point same thing with women where the take and get turns into protect, give bill support, make sure everybody is good and okay, Like it changes from getting to giving for men.

Speaker 1: 2:34:23

That's why if I see grown guys who are still in boy mentality, they're trying to get theirs, get theirs, get theirs when men like, build others up. A real alpha builds other men up, builds other people up, supports and provides, takes care of, gives to all, serves openly. Real alphas are good men, you know. And so people are trying to say alpha is money. No, it's not.

Speaker 2: 2:34:52

Alpha means yeah, yeah or alpha means aggressive.

Speaker 1: 2:34:56

No, that's boy behavior. Yes, real alphas. Don't get intimidated by the loud guy who smashes a can on his head. We're like what a weird behavior. Dude.

Speaker 1: 2:35:05

Right exactly Can't follow that Right you know, and so this is where I look at the behaviors for both the men and the give, the take, the I'm trying to get, I'm trying to give and we're watching people who are in take, take, take, take, take, take and these relationships and start going like how do I switch you to give? Because if you, like you said I really enjoyed how you said we're both trying to out serve each other Well, if you're in a mindset of we're both serving each other and our video that we came for, like what's the reason for a relationship, like it needs to be better together than if you just weren't at all, exactly, and if you're operating in a deficit, Exactly you're supposed to compliment one another.

Speaker 2: 2:35:48

Compliment one another, not compete with each other, and I think that's the problem.

Speaker 1: 2:35:52

I think that you're right. Yeah, cause people can people compete, and then they think it's supposed to be you complete, which is codependency, and then you're supposed to compliment yeah, agreed, Agreed. And that's why I like. I like finding common answers with other people who are like we're in the battle too and we figured some shit out when we walked out of hell. We figured it out.

Speaker 2: 2:36:11

We went through the fire draw by fire.

Speaker 1: 2:36:13

We had to do it. Well done. It's good to see you warriors doing what you're doing too. It's very, very cool. So I feel like this has gone very, very cool. There's so many pieces that we didn't get to really cross into that. I think we could do this for 10 hours.

Speaker 1: 2:36:28

If it's cool with you, I'm gonna run this in through my guys and my people and we're gonna post some things up with you. We're gonna put clips up for everything on this, because I think that we need more women and more men's conversations about this. I need more women to be standing up for the women side, and so, if it's cool with you, let's do another one of these. Sure, absolutely, yeah. So anybody listening to this? We're gonna do another one at some point, but I think, like now we're like let's get the guns. You're gonna have notes ready. You're like I'm gonna kill these topics. I know what I'm gonna destroy. And I wanna keep going further, because I have five pages here that I got just from our conversation that we only got to about a third of the stuff we could have done.

Speaker 2: 2:37:12

That's crazy. There's a lot on the topic, so Hopefully there's we.

Speaker 1: 2:37:18

I would really argue because I was listening to stuff that you were saying and I know the stuff that I'm saying. If anybody listened to this episode, if you took notes and listened to this episode four or five times, you'd have different stuff you added because you were dropping bombs. I think people would miss and, like you, were going very quickly and saying things that were profound, very fast.

Speaker 2: 2:37:39

Yeah, when I get really passionate, I talk really fast. So that's something I have to work on. As, slow your roll, you wanna have an impact, right? So that's something that I'm working on. I just get really passionate about certain subjects and so I just kind of hammer it, so Be authentic, lean into it.

Speaker 1: 2:37:54

If you're passionate, be passionate. If anybody listens to it, slow it down and take notes because she's on fire, so roll with it. It's an honor to have time with you. Thank you so much for being on today's episode.

Speaker 1: 2:38:07

We went a couple of two and a half hours and I think that we have more to conquer and I want more opinions from the women's side, because right now me being as objective as I can it's starting to look like women are self-destructive and sabotaging themselves and I'm like this is not looking beneficial in the future for our ladies. And who gets affected? The husbands of today and the sons of tomorrow are gonna be wiped out Absolutely.

Speaker 1: 2:38:36

I think it's gonna do a lot of damage and the daughters will pay and there'll be a lot of happy cat owners, or just happy cats. Oh, because there's gonna be a lot of ladies that just made themselves no longer part of the dating pool.

Speaker 2: 2:38:49

And I think too, I've gotten in the mindset for a while that I was like I gotta call women out, I gotta do all this. But I'm taking a shift in my content where I'm like, instead of just calling women out, I wanna like let's build you up, let's help you transform into that woman. I know who you can be. You just gotta do a lot of work within to get there. Because one, it's not fair to your husband for you to be this way, but it's not fair to yourself. I mean, let's be real, like it's not fair to you to be this way. And just because society puts whatever they put out there, I like common and normal Things are common, but that doesn't make it normal, okay. Like you gotta be careful of saying well, it's just normal. Women are like this it's normal. No, it's common, but it's not normal.

Speaker 2: 2:39:36

We should not be this way. We should not be self-destructive. We should not always be in denial. We should not always be pointing blame. We should be saying how can I better myself as a human, how can I become the best wife, the best mother, the best human friend that I can be? But that takes a lot of realizing what is going on within you and once you can realize that and start to work on those things, I think we're gonna have, I think we could have a shift in society. Honestly, I'm like I'm gonna change the world. I do, I wanna change the world. How we do that. It's small steps at a time, but like if we could help build up the mentality of women, what can we do?

Speaker 1: 2:40:14

I'm just saying We'll talk more later. There's community stuff that I think we're both doing. If we can combine community options to make us so women have a fighting chance, cause I don't think we're gonna change the whole world, but we can sure put a dent in it, you know, and so I'm cool with that. Yeah, there's gotta be a place for the ladies, who are also sick and tired of the bullshit, to go where you can actually be loyal, honest, open, authentic, accountable, empathetic, caring and not gossip or backstab or do shady or sleazy behavior to each other and don't compare and cut each other down and like. There's gotta be a place to do this. And so we're building a version of it, and if you have one too, let's make us a.

Speaker 1: 2:40:59

Ladies, have a damn chance. As much as I got the boys my boys listen your husband with anger stuff, I'll give them new weapons. He'll be like I see what I'm doing, I'll help him with that. But there's gotta be a place for the ladies, because the truth is I'm hard, I go rough, and so some like it to the but I can't say but then I can't get it. Yeah, they like it to the point if they're with me. But even with my female coaches. We call it hammer and a blanket. I'm gonna hit them and they get the blanket and go. It's okay, we all had to go through it, it's okay.

Speaker 2: 2:41:32

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 2:41:35

So let's do some team ups in the future, but this has been really, really fun. Do you have anything that you wanna promote at the moment to be able to help more people?

Speaker 2: 2:41:43

Just follow me on my platforms, guys happyspousehappyhouse. On TikTok. You can find me on Facebook, christina Michelle Robertson. There's a whole story behind that but I won't go into. And then Instagram, it's Christinamrobertson. You can find me on there. I put all marriage content out there. I have mostly predominantly men, obviously, because the algorithm is showing men all the stuff. You'd think I have a lot of lady followers, but I do not, and so I'm looking to expand to help everybody really, but to really focus on women and help them become better. So if you're a lady watching this, just know I love you with my whole heart. I promise it's not to be mean or judgmental. It's really to help you grow, because it's what I needed, and I'm literally talking to my old self when I talk about these things, and that's why I feel like I have the credentials and the space to speak on it, because that was me and I know how to grow and change. Will it be exactly the same for you? No, but we're gonna grow, we're gonna work on it.

Speaker 1: 2:42:40

Well said, All right. Thank you so much, Christina. I appreciate you very much.

Speaker 2: 2:42:45

Thank you for having me. It was a lot of fun. Love it.