119. Watching the Wisdom, Honor Our Step-parents: Ray Wingert

When we sit back and reflect on the tapestry of our lives, it's the threads woven by quiet heroes that often stand out the most; those individuals whose sacrifices paint the backdrop of our everyday existence. My stepdad, Ray Wingert, joins me to unravel the intricate patterns of mentorship and the silent heroism present in our daily lives. Together, we share stories of resilience and the transformative power of genuine connection – from the hobbies that brought us closer to the unspoken wisdom passed down through simple acts of being.

Navigating the complexities of family and leadership, Ray and I dissect the profound lessons embedded in our actions. We examine the ripple effect of leading by example – how children mimic the behaviors they witness and the subtle art of teaching through living. The power of mentorship shines through as we swap tales of commitment and authenticity, acknowledging the weight of our influence and the enduring impact of our choices on future generations.

Our conversation culminates in a heartfelt celebration of the unsung heroes among us, particularly step-parents like Ray, whose presence can monumentally shape a child's pathway. We delve into the emotional landscape of caregiving, the nuanced gratitude for sacrifices made, and the strength that emerges from life's hurdles. Each chapter of our discussion is an ode to those who embrace their roles with humility and love, painting a vivid picture of the enduring bonds and the shared journey of growth that define the human experience.

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:09

Welcome back, Warriors, to Battlefield of the Mind. My name is Rick, creator of the Warriors Way Mindset, and I have an awesome guest with me today, One of my favorite guests that I've ever had. This is one of my mentors. This is one of the people who I have looked to even though he may not have known it for some of the guidance and mentorship in my life, and so this is my stepdad. This is Ray Wingert, and I'm very excited to have him on the show. So welcome Rayman Wingert.

Speaker 2: 0:41

Well, thank you, happy to be here. Thanks for that introduction that I don't believe I deserve.

Speaker 1: 0:46

That's a funny thing that we just talked about. I don't believe I deserve and I'm going to probably start with that. I just did a training right before this on shame and guilt and things like the things that we believe we deserve or don't deserve, and I often wonder the measurement tool of it.

Speaker 2: 1:04

How did you?

Speaker 1: 1:04

measure what you deserve and don't deserve.

Speaker 2: 1:08

As to what I believe, I've just my belief. What?

Speaker 1: 1:11

I believe I've earned. We just make it up, right? I just made up how to deserve it.

Speaker 2: 1:15

We make it up as we go along right.

Speaker 1: 1:18

Right, and so I'm going to offer a different perspective on this. And so you, being my stepdad, this is a job that I am now. I'm the stepfather to three girls, all teenagers. So it means, like you know, maximum sacrifice, very little acknowledgement. So you understand, and so it's kind of like one of those things is the belief system of what I deserve. Is it based on what other people tell me, or is it just something that I have created in my own mind for my own value? I mean just me saying it out loud. Even if you were to give me advice on my perspective, what would you think?

Speaker 2: 1:56

No, I just think, from my perspective, I'm the one that made that assessment. I guess is what I'm talking about, Because as I listen to you speak, it's like I didn't do any of those things that he says you watch quietly is what, and so I'm like all I did was be me.

Speaker 1: 2:26

Well, I don't know if I watched quietly because I was a loud asshole, but I would probably say I appreciated quietly Because I'll admit, this is me and my own growth Out of the people in this world I did not give enough recognition to, when they were doing what they did at the top of my list, people who gave and sacrificed everything for me to be able to be okay, and I was, you know, troubled teen in my own ways, and so I just couldn't, I couldn't connect to the sacrifices that you were doing. I didn't understand them in the time because I'd never had to ever sacrifice the way that you were, and you also had at least some form of troubled teen, and so you really didn't give me that much shit for me being a shit.

Speaker 2: 3:18

It was like you got it.

Speaker 1: 3:19

In fact, who turned me on to rock and roll and Metallica and all that stuff? That was you. You're like no, no, no, you want to see some shit Like you. Playing music that you taught me when I was young did give me an escape, it did give me a way to relate, and it is a big reason why I even picked up a guitar.

Speaker 2: 3:38

Yeah, See, that was just a matter of that was something I loved. I just wanted my kids to love it, I just wanted them to, you know. So that was and the fact that you and I could share that. You know we went to concerts together, you know that was just like I said. It was something that I loved. I just shared it with you. Now it's hoping that you jump on that bandwagon and it also as a teenager, that was my estate, that heavy metal, when I got into it, and it just it emotionally takes you to the places that you can't do out loud and in public.

Speaker 1: 4:15

So yeah, it's the same thing for me especially. I remember I had nerded out so hard on Master of Puppets.

Speaker 1: 4:23

Yeah, yeah, that first solo in Master of Puppets was like oh, and at the time, like it was, it was really cool because you were able to give us space in our house for authenticity, and so on one hand, we would be heavy metal, rock and roll, or the other hand, we'd be doing motorcycles. In fact, my first motorcycle, the motorcycle I had, was your old motorcycle and you encourage let's do dangerous things or let's go do tough guy things, which was fun. Motorcycling with you was a good time. But on the other hand too, we'd have Uncle Dave come over and we'll play Dungeons and Dragons for hours and stuff, and so on one hand, we'll go do bike or badass rock and roll, and then we'll have high level barbarians and paladins.

Speaker 2: 5:10

Exactly, and nerd out at the kitchen table eating popcorn and chili cheese dip and playing D&D.

Speaker 2: 5:19

Yeah, that was what I love, that too, the fact that you can, like you said, and I never considered it being authentic, it was just, these are things we enjoy and they may be opposite ends of the spectrum, but, yeah, and even to that end, like my brother was the opposite of my friends, you know, and I had that spectrum of acquaintances and friendships and that was just didn't matter who you were, be you, you know. Yeah, now I look back at it and it's like you know what I was accepting of people from all different aspects for as long as I can remember, you know. So nowadays, when that's the thing, that's the is you know, all this acceptance, it's like, no, I just love other people and love them as they are and who they are. Right.

Speaker 1: 6:18

Yeah, you think this message that's been around for thousands and millions of years or whatever, just hey, why don't you just love on the people you're around?

Speaker 2: 6:26

You think that that would have caught?

Speaker 1: 6:27

on by now right.

Speaker 2: 6:28

Yeah, yeah, you think that we don't need to separate people out based on their gender, based on their color, based on what religion they are. It's just like even Jesus said just love others as yourself. He didn't say love the white people different than the black people, he just said love others.

Speaker 1: 6:49

Yeah, it was a really powerful lesson. That, again, like I had to do a lot of hindsight, retrospect, to catch what you were doing. You know, and even that lesson you were saying right there, like as a young man I just wasn't developed enough to understand, in the middle of all of the things, that that's what you were teaching. I didn't get it at the time, I didn't.

Speaker 2: 7:11

I didn't get that, I was teaching it. I didn't get it, I was teaching it.

Speaker 1: 7:17

But I think that's the value in having that level of just authenticity that you were doing where you're like. I wasn't planning on that being a life lesson, but you were leading by doing and it wasn't meant to necessarily be that you weren't teaching a class, but you were teaching a class.

Speaker 2: 7:34

But that's also something that's just come to light just heck with your mother and me recently. It's kids learn from what they see, not what you tell them. Right, you know so you know. Even your three daughters were watching you and learning from you. So be careful what you're teaching. I didn't have a clue on that that when I was raising kids and step kids, it was a matter of you know. I wanted to teach them by telling them, but you're telling me that you learned by watching.

Speaker 1: 8:07

Yeah, I don't remember a shit.

Speaker 2: 8:08

you said Except the bad stuff there was really that much bad stuff yeah.

Speaker 1: 8:17

The bad stuff, if I like. Again, I look at hindsight and like any of the bad stuff that really came up like I was doing some dickhead shit. So I mean I can't really go like it was unmerited because I would draw attention to myself and then I would go do my own jerk teenager way of handling things. So I look back and like you guys gave me a lot of opportunity and you gave me a lot of things to make it so that it could be better, and I didn't really appreciate it and I didn't understand it. Like that was really it. I didn't understand it enough to appreciate it. And this is a thing for the step parents and even for myself. When I was doing my writing this morning I came up to a sentence that resonated really heavy with me and it's something that I ended up putting like who's the quote from? I put from like God and step parents would be who the quote was from, and what I wrote was I love you more than you will. Let me Like I'll love you, I'll sacrifice.

Speaker 1: 9:21

I will give, I will provide, I will create. I will give you all this opportunity and I will make it so. Your life has a better opportunity, better than it ever would, and I will love on you every single day and you will most likely block it, reject it, not appreciate it, not even know I'm doing it.

Speaker 2: 9:40

Right, and that's it. It's actually more than you'll ever know. Yeah, more than you could ever know. It's not more than you'll let me, but more than you could ever know.

Speaker 1: 10:47

Yeah, it was a volunteer job. You had no obligation.

Speaker 2: 10:55

Oh no, I took on that obligation when I volunteered for the job.

Speaker 1: 10:58

That's what I mean is it was a volunteer. You weren't like I guess I fuck and stuck here Like no, you had an option. You didn't have to. This was I chose that job, I took it on.

Speaker 2: 11:09

Right, right. Well, and that's what you do. When I choose a job, when I choose a path, when I choose anything, I live to that responsibility.

Speaker 1: 11:20

That is a lesson by doing Mm-hmm. So there's a class, even if you didn't call it class.

Speaker 2: 11:31

Yeah, like I said, and that was just, I'm amazed at the realizations we've come to over the last couple of years on just truths that are like this one that we lived through it, you know, and for good or bad. So kids all six of you kids learn from your parent or step-parent. You learn from other people, but you learn by watching more than you learn by listening, and it's just so. I'm glad that that in some aspects, I set the examples I did. There are other areas where I'm embarrassed for setting the examples I did.

Speaker 1: 12:14

I was still teaching class.

Speaker 2: 12:16

I was still teaching class. Well, like I said, the lessons can be good or bad. I mean because you remember how much I drank back then.

Speaker 1: 12:23

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2: 12:24

So those are lessons that you know and I know some of my kids watched it and said I don't want to be that Lessons learned.

Speaker 2: 12:31

You taught Lessons learned. I taught don't go down this path. Right, you know, and that's just an example. But yeah, so. But to be 57 years old and be looking back and saying, you know what? If I'd have known that when my kids, when I was raising my kids, if I'd have really integrated that and said you know what? My kids are watching me? What have changed the way I parented, mm-hmm, what have changed the way I live? Because my life was my, was class, like you, like you're saying you know how you live is how you teach, what you teach your kids. So, yeah, if I'd have known that back then, I would have, I would have been different just because I'd have known. And even in realizing that, you know what, as soon as you choose to have a child or take on a stepchild, you're choosing that responsibility. Your life focus changes and I tell every young man that, hey, my, my fiance is present, my or pregnant, my wife's pregnant, whatever your whole life, your life focus better change if it doesn't, and you're doing it wrong.

Speaker 1: 13:37

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 13:38

And and most of the time they step up and they it does. But back then, when I had kids, I didn't know that. I know in some aspects it changed, but in other aspects I was just selfish and living for myself and my own enjoyment my own. This is what I want to do. This is I'm just going to live life, be me, and the kids will just be, they'll be there. So, yeah, it's amazing that you got to live through life and then learn things in retrospect, but but so to that end.

Speaker 2: 14:16

That's why I do tell guys. I tell guys with young kids with motorcycles man, you have no right to have a motorcycle because of my motorcycle accident. If that would have happened when my kids were that small that this was right. After my motorcycle accident I had a buddy of mine that had a bike. I said if, if what happened to me happens to you or worse, and your kids are that small, just think what it'll do to them. I said, and you took on the responsibility of getting them to adulthood with you alive, so you need to not do reckless stuff. You know, once they're in high school or out of high school, then you know what they could. They could handle that a little bit. But, as young kids know, they need your dad especially. They need him.

Speaker 2: 15:02

Oh they need. Dad, you don't have any right to do reckless stuff once you've got kids.

Speaker 1: 15:09

Yeah, it's. It's a really interesting way to look at it, especially the consequences of selfishness that we don't really consider. Yeah, like we didn't really think about it. And I can admit too. It's like, well, fuck it, I'm just going to do what I want. Yeah, but you don't realize like there's a there's a price tag to everything that we're doing. You know, a lot of times we can look at our own price, like, yeah, well, if I get fucked up, I get fucked up, I don't give a fuck. And you're like that's you to you, but who does it affect? And you're like well, your kids don't have a dad anymore, and without a dad in the home, it fucks your kids up. And you're like well, I didn't think about that, right.

Speaker 2: 15:47

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 15:48

But I what's the job? And this is where you're pointing out leadership traits of like. You're saying it in a way to say like you don't have the right, but it's more of a feel obligated to your calling instead of you don't have the right.

Speaker 2: 16:04

As far as like like.

Speaker 1: 16:07

You've taken on the role of leadership by creating life. You guys have worked and made some humans. That's awesome. Highest honor, highest honor, right, but we don't call it highest honor in the moment we don't, and it's a sacrifice job.

Speaker 2: 16:23

That's the part that anybody can do. Yeah, anybody, any guy can get a woman pregnant. It's the being the father that takes the work.

Speaker 1: 16:34

Yeah Well, which is even funnier, is cause what it takes to make a baby has nothing to do with what it takes to raise one.

Speaker 2: 16:40

Exactly.

Speaker 1: 16:42

Exactly, I make jokes about that all the time. I'm like, yeah, I'm making a baby, is like going to your favorite restaurant and eating the food, and like my compliments to the chef. And they're like, well, if you really love the food here, you're going to love farming. You're like, what does farming have to do with eating the food at this restaurant? You're like, well, where the food come from. So now we're going to have you grow all the food, raise the food, maintain every day all of the work and activity to create the food, and then we can cook it. It's going to be awesome. We're like I don't want to be a farmer, no, I just don't want nothing to do with that.

Speaker 2: 17:19

No.

Speaker 1: 17:20

I just wanted to eat some food. I'll give you money is to shut the fuck up. I don't want to farm.

Speaker 2: 17:26

Yeah, but I want to appreciate the farmer for all the hard work he does and that was his choosing and his life and he chose that. And this is actually that. It just takes me to the thinking of you know, and all the crap I've been through and you've been there with me through a lot of it. I was actually asked this last night what it was, something along the what, what experience did you have that changed a part of you that other people don't know? And I said, well, it's not that other people don't know, but they don't know the part that it changed. So all of the stuff I went through, especially the cancer team that you were there with me through that that gave me such an appreciation of the medical field. Especially, and my new thing is, you know, I'm a pin cushion. I go get blood every three months. I get you know, and that's what that did for me is, hey, I'm not squeamish the needles because they always came at. Every time I went to a doctor's office they were poking with me with another needle. So you know what it's, but you know every time you do it what's the what does the nurse say Sorry, but there's going to be a poke. I look at him dead in the eyes. I don't you apologize for something that's helping me. You chose your life calling to help me in my worst time. Don't you apologize to me for that? I'm thanking you for doing this. And they look at me and they say that's a whole new perspective. Very few people come in here and thank me for jabbing in the arm with a needle and it's like this is your call. You know, emt.

Speaker 2: 19:08

I sat at a table with an EMT a week or so ago and and that's when he told me that that was his job I said man, you seem some horrendous stuff. He's all you can't even imagine. I said I don't even want to imagine you show up on somebody's worst day. You do things to the kid to get him out of that car seat which are causing him pain, but you know it's for his good and his survival. But you're willing to step into that role and do those hard things.

Speaker 2: 19:36

Fireman, you'll run into the burning building. Yeah, volunteer fireman. I think it's the stupidest guy on the planet. You left your family at two o'clock in the morning to go to a burning building to some save somebody else's dog. Wait a minute. Did you think about the ramifications of that If that building comes down on top of you. Now your wife and kids are home with them, but you're making that sacrifice for others because it's a necessary sacrifice and we need you. So God bless you for it, but you're still an idiot. I told the volunteer fireman friend of mine that exact same thing. I said God bless you for it, but you're an idiot. You leave your wife in the middle of the night for a call that you don't know. She doesn't know if you're coming home. I said, and you do that to her. It's just. God bless them for their heart.

Speaker 1: 20:24

Hero work. It's interesting for a hero work for all of us. In any cases, you noticed the value in hero work where. Don't apologize for the pain that's helping me. Don't apologize for you have to do hard things in order for us to get through them. The sacrifices that these people have to make were, like you said, the EMTs. I've helped EMTs with PTSD and stuff. They have to go into the nightmares. Somebody's worst nightmare is their reality and police officers same thing.

Speaker 2: 21:03

These guys.

Speaker 1: 21:04

I've got guys who are like. I was talking to that person the day before and I could have kicked the door in and helped them, but the next day we were dealing with their suicide. I feel responsible because I could have helped. Those are there and don't apologize for the pain that's helping me, but doing hero work is such a sacrificing job and how many times have you felt like bad where you've had to hard? Lesson us kids.

Speaker 2: 21:33

Yeah, there are times when I remember telling Kerry one time I make decisions based on your best interests. I don't do it just to be a dick. I don't not want you to go have that fun just so that you don't go have fun. I'm doing it in your best interest. Maybe you're not old enough to accept that. Maybe you might get yourself in a situation and maybe you won't. But as a parent it's my responsibility to hold you back from that until I know you're safe. You know that type of thing.

Speaker 2: 22:14

So, yeah, you've got to make hard decisions and hopefully you always make them with the child's best interest at heart. They may not see it, and that's where parents that want to be friends oh, I just let them go do whatever they want, because I don't want to make them an angry. They don't want to. No, no, no, you're not doing them any favors. You've got to set the boundaries. You've got to set the curfews, the time limits where you can go, when you can go and who you can go there with, not because you're being mean, but because they aren't mature enough to make those decisions themselves. I wasn't. Now God knows what. I went off and did.

Speaker 1: 22:57

Yeah, it's really tough on those ones and I can relate where sometimes you trying to protect you, trying to teach you, trying to provide a better life and be like all the sacrifices that are giving Sometimes you have to sacrifice being the best friend or the liked one. You have to be the villain to be the hero. Right, you have to risk it. I have to risk being a villain to you today and doing the things that you don't want. We have to do it with ours too. They'll be like I want to go hang out with my boyfriend today and we're like that's the way you want to do. This is really unsafe and it's really not a good idea. And you're not going to like the fact that I say no and you don't understand the reason I'm saying no yet.

Speaker 1: 23:39

And later on, when you see some friends whose parents said we're just your best friend, go have fun, and the bad thing that inevitably seemed likely there happens to them. You're going to go. Oh, and it may take years to that. They even conceive that could be you. Yeah, well, that happened to them. I'm like you were about to do the same thing. Well, I didn't. You made me stay home. I'm like you would have been in the therapy unit next to your friend. Like we, you avoided that.

Speaker 2: 24:13

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 24:14

You're like well, you don't, you're not my dad.

Speaker 2: 24:16

Oh yeah, you're not my, you're not my dad.

Speaker 1: 24:22

It's something that like again, somebody who liked the restaurant somehow gets all the praise but the person who takes up the farmer job as a calling doesn't get the respect. I didn't understand that, let me tell you. I didn't understand when you were being the villain, because you were trying to protect it and didn't get it. You know and these are tough lessons and I'm in it too Like I get very low respect for maximum service. You know, there's things that we don't appreciate, because here's one thing I noticed If you do a good job, you get less recognition for it. Hero work I say hero work is never done around this house.

Speaker 2: 25:02

Yeah, and it becomes the expected.

Speaker 1: 25:05

Yeah, do you need anything, citizen? That's what I do here. Do you need, do you require assistance, citizen, and they're like no, and I'm like consider it done. Another one served.

Speaker 2: 25:17

Yeah Well, my joke at work is I set the bar really low that way, when I trip over it, people applaud you set that bar too high. And then that's the expectation. Now, if I set a low bar and I trip over it once in a while, the that they'll applaud that.

Speaker 1: 25:33

Well, the the irony is is the humility, and even the joke shows your intelligence. And just having the humility of I'm going to go ahead and make a joke about setting the bar low sets the bar high, and that's why it's ironic when you'll see like no, no, no, I'm just going to try and keep your expectations low, and they go. What a humble dude. You're not arrogant, you're not a statistical, you're not being, you're not leading from selfishness, but you're being like no, no, I'll be humble about what I am, and that's. It's just being cool about things. How often do you have to walk around, um, trying to convince people that you're a good person? Do you want? Hey, I'm a good person. Hey, I'm a good person. Did you know I'm a good person? I'm a good person.

Speaker 2: 26:17

How often do you have to do that? Yeah, not. There are times when I have to tell people. Well, sometimes you know, I ride that edge but that's not that's not how I really am, but yeah but that's the thing because because you're right, no, good people don't have to. You know, good people don't have to. Just like if you do a good job at work, you don't have to promote yourself. You don't have to say, hey, look what I did. No, it'll just be, it'll be seen.

Speaker 1: 26:54

So well, there's a humility to like I'm setting the bar low, which really is. Just leave you watch the guy. He sets the bar pretty high.

Speaker 2: 27:02

Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1: 27:04

And that's pretty cool. I think it's a very cool thing.

Speaker 2: 27:09

I never thought about it, though, yeah.

Speaker 1: 27:12

Well, that's the point. Is good. People don't have to, we don't have to sell it.

Speaker 2: 27:16

Yeah, yeah, well, and we don't normally. We just like. I've told you, even when I was living as your stepdad, you know whether you were living in the house or you know you were living with your dad, whatever, I never thought about the example I was setting, you know so I still don't you know. You wandered away from me, so I don't know who I'm talking to. Beauty of these headsets.

Speaker 1: 27:39

Apollo's in here whistling because the girls just got home.

Speaker 2: 27:43

And here.

Speaker 1: 27:45

Oh, I can hear them Exactly Drive your crazy right yeah. That's my one, my, my autism noise, his whistle, just it's one of my few things where I'm like come on, buddy, stop please. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1: 28:00

Something about that whistle noise. It gets me, but no, I do. I do think it's very cool to watch like. This is where I pay attention to the things that you do, especially when it comes to humility and patience. I remember just watching the stuff that you could, you could just you take on like just this Atlas burden. Like you would hold so much, and while some of it you know in hindsight may not have been the healthiest way, your fortitude to continue, even though you were holding the weight of the world, was like I was like I don't have that.

Speaker 1: 28:32

My love system was flight, so I didn't have that fortitude. You have that like you're going to keep fighting upwards, even though it looks like you're pushing this bolder uphill. That's crushing you, right, and I'm like I would have fucking skipped that bolder a long time ago. And so I watched the stuff that you're able to do. When I try and take note of like I don't want to pray for patience, but I'm paying attention to the guy who did Because you're like taking on so much patience and that's something that whenever I find myself wanting to run away or quit or give up, I've taken that from your playbook to say like keep fortitude on this one Be patient, pay attention, don't make rash decisions and just run away. Stay in the battle and keep pushing.

Speaker 2: 29:22

Well, and I'm trying to think from my point of view, it's so what you saw as doing, that was a matter of living to the commitments. I made this commitment. I'm sticking with it, through the good, through the bad, you know, just like your marriage, brows always are through sickness and health, good, bad, all that, and that's what I do. And so I think in there there was a lesson for you as well as to don't make commitments that you're not going to be willing to stick to. Don't make, you know. Be careful of the choices you make. Make good choices you know, somebody wrote a book on that and be careful with those, because everything's a choice and real men live to the commitment of the choice they make.

Speaker 1: 30:09

Well, that was part of my issue is I took note of when you make a commitment, you stick to your commitments. Yep, Well, my fucking crazy brain was like well then, I won't commit to shit.

Speaker 2: 30:22

Exactly Yep.

Speaker 1: 30:23

If I don't commit to anything, I don't have to be accountable to anything, and that makes me just as good of a man, because I didn't play, than a guy who has to be accountable to a commitment.

Speaker 2: 30:33

But then you made a commitment. Well, not make any commitments.

Speaker 1: 30:37

We don't call it that. It's more of a. I'm omitting the commitment to not call it that, so it's more of a denial system than anything else. Yeah, or justifying some bullshit.

Speaker 2: 30:51

No, you just made a choice that I won't commit to anything at the moment, but eventually you will, and when you do? You know I made a commitment now, not well, you've got three girls you made a commitment to.

Speaker 1: 31:07

Yeah, you look at that. The original system was like smart people outsmarting themselves. If I don't commit, then I'll never get hurt, but then you'll never also get love, right? Yeah, and that was the irony is I would run from love because love equals hurt, and so I don't want to be heard, and so to be tough and be strong, I just won't commit and that'll make me strong. But really it was fear.

Speaker 2: 31:32

Yep.

Speaker 1: 31:33

I was scared to be accountable. I was scared to have to be patient. I was scared to have to carry the burden of other people's pain. I didn't want any of that. It seems like a illogical point of view, but it wasn't emotional. Yeah, yeah, my Spock was kicking in. That's illogical, captain, highly illogical. It's highly illogical. It doesn't make any sense. Why would I commit to some crazy shit? It doesn't make any sense to me. I don't want to do that. But I didn't understand it either, and you don't understand the fortitude it takes to do a selfless or sacrificing job like this, where you take on the lives of other people, volunteer, even though it's like maybe 10 years until they go. You know what? All that dedication and all that hard work and all the nonsense that I put you through.

Speaker 2: 32:26

Thank you, and you're like well that took a fucking decade, Exactly Well that's the old saying that I use an awful lot. The older I got, the smarter my parents got. Yeah, you know it's like. Yeah, you don't recognize it for a long, long time.

Speaker 1: 32:47

And I feel the burden of that responsibility. Now, like I said, I've got three of these teenage girls. You are aware of them and the lack of recognition that I'll get for what I do right now it's pretty. It's pretty. Actually, just having the awareness of it is pretty, like awing sometimes because, like you're like fuck, like I just made it so your life is substantially better and you won't even high five me for it, right, you know, I don't even get noticed, you know, and those things are there and some of the stuff that I do. It's one of those things I'll probably, like you said, never really be understood Like I love you more than you ever understand.

Speaker 1: 33:29

There was a video for, like you know, the safety, security element of having a strong male in the house. One of my guys shared and it was about when I there was a pedophile there was Jack, something. He got arrested years and years ago and was just how to catch a predator, things, and he was very successful with what he did. He had a lot of really horrible moments, so that he created and they asked him how did you choose which children that you would choose? Like?

Speaker 1: 33:58

how did you vet that out? And he said what I would do is I would, you know, case the home. If there was a strong male present, I would skip that one. I would look for places that did not have a safer strong male. If there was no strong male, then I would, you know, now start investigating or casing how. I would you know, make my move. But a strong male around will detour these. These vultures, these predators Don't want the resistance, right. So it's things like this where you don't realize what the value of the safety, security that somebody in this position creates. Because you didn't have to fight any predators, yup.

Speaker 2: 34:41

And because the detorrent of having a strong male lead makes it so predators are a bear you don't really realize it no Well, and then you don't understand when that male presence is telling you, no, you can't go out to that place with those people and you're, but there's no, there's no risk, there's no. You know, I can. Just that's the way the kids always are, that's the way I was. There's no risk there, it's a safe environment. I, you don't know what you're talking about and it's like wait a minute, yes, I do, I just just the. And the funny thing is so even your presence in the house keeping them safe makes them feel too safe to where they're willing to go put themselves at risk. They don't even and they won't ever realize it.

Speaker 1: 35:23

Not until they end up in danger.

Speaker 1: 35:25

And that's a very frustrating thing that I try and teach the awareness of watch for dangerous situations. But the hard thing is is, especially having females is they've never had any of that conflict ever be reality, and so protecting yourself seems like an unnecessary skill Right Now. You know, I know Marshall Arves, I train with PT, I train with other guys. I have some pretty powerful things and I'm like ladies, I will teach you how to make it so you do not end up in victimhood, Exactly. And they're like, no, that'll never happen to me. And I'm like, yeah, that's that's what everyone says before it happens to them, Like nobody ever anticipates the bad thing until there's a bad thing. But that's going to be a hard. Hard lesson is I can only try and teach you awareness that I hope sticks in there, because I can't teach you defense because you never cared.

Speaker 2: 36:18

Well, and and I've just been going through this at work with my safety manager, so it's funny how it relates is the the time to prepare for the worst is before the worst happens. The worst time to prepare for it is in the middle of and we were having this conversation with gruffers that were going to be working on the edge of the roof. He said, okay, what's your safety plan? Oh well, we'll be tied off. Okay, and how long is that lanyard? Well, it's got to be an additional six feet so they can move around. Okay, so now he can fall over the edge of this roof six feet. If that happens, how do you get him back? Oh well, he'll have a safety rope tied on to him and you're going to lift that 300 pound guy on a safety rope and he's dead weight because now he's been hanging there five minutes, so he's unconscious over the gutter, over the edge over.

Speaker 2: 37:07

You know that's not a good safety plan. Let's build a better one, but we've never been asked this before, so you'd better have one. If that ever happens, you better be ready. You better know how that's going to happen. Same thing. That's why you, that's why you learn martial arts, that's why you're encouraging your girls to learn martial arts, because the time to learn it is before you need it, in the hopes that you never need it. But then, when you do need it, you've got it. I feel safer standing next to you. I'll tell you that because I don't know any of that stuff.

Speaker 1: 37:44

But you have a good sense and awareness about you to make it so you can problem solve advanced situations in a way that I can't, and so that makes us a powerful team. And so, like you have an engineer mind, those are very useful. I don't give a fuck how strong somebody is. Being able to build something that makes everyone's life better is better than someone who's smashy, smashy, yeah.

Speaker 2: 38:06

Well, that, and I carry an eye millimeter or something Also useful, that's engineer brain.

Speaker 1: 38:12

I'll just engineer a better weapon.

Speaker 2: 38:14

Well, and my theory these days with that is I just want to be prepared should something happen. Of course Everything goes down. In the movie theater that I'm in, I the only thing to take out a bad guy with a gun is a big guy with a gun who's trained in, willing to do the do the hard thing, because you got to be willing to do that and if Something goes, I would hate to be somewhere. Something goes down and me not be prepared. But I Pray Lord, give me the strength in the accuracy to do the hard thing so they come to that. So you know, even that's just being prepared.

Speaker 1: 38:51

Well, even still, you're not talking the way that the cliches try to point out, like you know, especially gun control, which is not the direction I was planning on going. But no, it's relevant for the way that you process. You didn't say that like I hope a motherfucker does. I'm about to put them all down. I can't wait to use this thing. It's not one of those excited to do harm, it's like. No, I pray that God gives me the strength to be able to do what is right when it is called, because I do not want to have to do that. But I'll be bright here to do it if I have to. And I think there's the lesson in that, where you know you prepared for the worst before it happens and Sometimes you have to think like a villain to stop the villain.

Speaker 1: 39:38

Like you say, think about the worst case scenario so we can prevent the worst case scenario. The six-foot rope of this dude just hanging there. You're like think, like, if it goes wrong, what happens? What's? What's the? How would it be used wrong? How could it be used incorrectly, with six foot? Enough for him to get tangled up in it and get hurt really bad. Is that a right rope? Like? Let's think bad. You know, if somebody does want to do harm, I don't want to be involved. But if I am in that, I want to have an option to be helpful yeah and these are tough.

Speaker 1: 40:09

Sometimes you have to be the villain to be the hero. Yeah, that's really tough for people today. They don't understand, especially what I always found it interesting. This is something for that and this is maybe gonna be like similar topic but different. I didn't have a problem punching someone in the face and we don't have a problem in movies watching the good guy punch the bad guy in the face. Nobody, nobody, panics when that happens. They're like yeah, captain America punched the bad guy. He's supposed to. Yeah, god, them right. But in real life, when you punch people, everybody freaks out. Yeah, it's not the same. You're not like yeah, you got him. You'll watch a movie where, like, the guy at the bar goes up, starts grabbing a girl and a guy goes and the guy gets blacked out and they're like thanks for helping me, that guy was annoying. Like, sure you want a beer. And then the show goes on. In real life Everyone's like oh my god, oh my god, like everybody freaks the fuck out.

Speaker 1: 41:05

How could you do that? You're evil. You're like he was grabbing that girl. I stopped him yeah, like you're bad, and now I got to go to court and all these things for stopping a guy. It was being really inappropriate. Yeah, well hero is weird today.

Speaker 2: 41:21

Yeah, toxic masculinity like. Yeah, that's and that's what prevents people from wanting to be prepared. You know, if I'm prepared and I don't do something about it, then I, you know, then I can get sued for not doing something. I'm prepared and I do something about it, I can get sued for doing something about.

Speaker 1: 41:43

This is why it's it's tough to be like a good man these days. It's tough to do what is right when what is right is punished. Yep, we're in weird times. We're in weird times for that, and so like, again, I'm watching. How are people handling this, and so you know, you'll have a more tactical approach. Well, in these thoughts, I have to pay attention to. Well, what is a lesson that you're teaching like? Be tactical, pay attention, be prepared for your surroundings, anticipate bad situations. Don't run in swinging, make a plan first and then execute correctly. You know, and so I'll pay attention. While I may have a fortitude or aptitude in training for physical combat, it's the last damn thing I want to do. So I'm gonna run through all of your training before I have to resort to that.

Speaker 2: 42:28

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 1: 42:29

I'm paying attention, I'm watching what you're doing, you know, and so you're like I didn't know I was teaching a class on that. I'm like I'll still taking notes.

Speaker 2: 42:41

Yeah, that's. It's amazing, it still happens to. Well, you're too old to learn from me, brother, I have far more awareness now where? It's it's.

Speaker 1: 42:56

It's like the lessons were always there. I just didn't get it. Yeah, you know, like a third grader in a college class, you're like I don't know what we're talking about.

Speaker 2: 43:08

Yeah, but still got the concepts and later on it clicked. It's like oh, that's how physics works. Yeah, oh.

Speaker 1: 43:14

Physics is math. I just saw the lasers. I didn't, I didn't know. I Just knew we were bouncing lasers off of mirrors. I didn't know what was happening.

Speaker 2: 43:26

Exactly.

Speaker 1: 43:28

I just like we crashed the car into a little model. I just liked it and you're like there was math.

Speaker 2: 43:33

I'm like I didn't get that and there was lessons to be learned. I didn't get those for years. Nope, I.

Speaker 1: 43:40

Just like the crashing part. Yeah, it's funny. It's funny. But yeah, the lessons are everywhere around us and so we're watching. Like I pay attention, I watched the wisdom you know and well, and which that's a lesson in itself.

Speaker 2: 43:54

Right, there is to. If we're paying attention, there are lessons everywhere. Everybody's teaching us something. Oh, I don't want to do that. You know those are the best ones aren't from somebody else's mistake, or you make that mistake yourself, which I tried to tell you. Kids a lot growing up was you know what? Learn from my mistakes, don't you know?

Speaker 1: 44:18

Crash crash, crash. I'm not listening. Yep, yeah, we, you guys don't know.

Speaker 2: 44:28

Exactly. It's amazing. No, yeah, you don't. It's so different today. You know cars drive different. You know people are different.

Speaker 1: 44:36

You don't get it. You guys don't understand. I just watch. You guys do love wrong. I'll show you how it's done.

Speaker 2: 44:45

Yeah, it's amazing. I it's amazing. I made it through my teenage years alive and you're not still gonna take any. It might you know. I was saying with my parents you were never a teenager.

Speaker 1: 44:58

That's not a thing.

Speaker 2: 45:00

Exactly, you were always an old part. Yeah, you're always Dirty.

Speaker 1: 45:05

You don't get it. You've never had to do what I have to do. Later on you'll see, we did the same thing, you're fine. Yeah, I Like to. I like that.

Speaker 1: 45:17

I just said that watch the wisdom. I'm watching the wisdom. I like you may not be saying it, but I'm watching it and, like I said, it's the small acts of kindness, it's the, it's the, the generosity, it's the sacrificing, you know, it's the thoughtfulness, it's the, the lesson where you're like, hey, did you see how this thing connected to that thing? That's kind of cool. Or hey, we want to install this thing together. We got this, that hot water thing that makes endless hot ones, put it together. And I'm watching, I'm like, okay, so we got a gas pipes, we got water pipes, we got don't mix those up, because that gets weird.

Speaker 1: 45:51

I'm like, I'm watching. We got all these different things and all these skills and all these abilities getting put together and you're like, man, there's a lot of cool things here. You know how did you get these ones over to this thing and it not Look like a hot podge of mass here? This is. It can't be all. There's no 45s in this angle here. You got it all all mapped out, this is, and they don't touch each other. This is cool, you know and if you're a little bit off, it matters.

Speaker 2: 46:16

And that you can do anything you set your mind to. You know how much of the work that we did in that basement was our first time doing a Lot of it.

Speaker 1: 46:26

Even still, and these are the lessons to. We're like remember that, that basement. We're like all right, here's how you do these floors and we'll do some of them together. And you're like I gotta go to work. You do these floors and I'm down here to doing floors for hours because you showed me how to do the floors, and now I've done the floors here, I've done the tile work here. Oh, I've done the, the, the pergo floors in the front. Caitlin and I put those together.

Speaker 2: 46:52

Yeah. So some of those, some of those skills you learned when we did it together, but you've also taken that lesson that you know none of this stuff's that hard. I don't need to know how to do it. I especially with YouTube these days. Well. I watch some guy do it. I'll do it, I'll figure it out.

Speaker 1: 47:06

Well, you were. You were my YouTube before there was a lot of YouTube.

Speaker 2: 47:08

There wasn't exactly YouTube.

Speaker 1: 47:10

You were my exactly and so, like I didn't know, I was, I was watch, I was at YouTube University and my house, you know.

Speaker 2: 47:16

I didn't know.

Speaker 1: 47:19

Yeah, our tube and so, and so these are the things that, like you know in hindsight now that I didn't understand. I didn't understand the, the Sacrifices that were chosen and I use that word Direct, like deliberately the sacrifices that I chose. And this is something for step parents A lot of times they're highly restricted by parents on what you can and can't do. Those aren't your kids, but yet you're giving a higher sacrifice than a lot of the parents who just went to the restaurant.

Speaker 1: 47:54

You took on the farmer role but don't get the response to get more responsibility, less Accolades, and it's tough. You know there's a restriction and you know, andrea, I've had to have that argument to where I'm like, if they're at our place, I'm treating them like our girls and if you challenge me on that, they're not your daughters. You can't do that. I think you got the wrong guy, and so some of those are really difficult restrictions that step parents have on them. To hold those lines is because they volunteered for the job, but because they weren't there for the initial Wrestling match doesn't mean you don't, you don't have, like the, the Right, the ability to say what is best. Yeah, you know, and so, yeah, that's why I give a lot of step parents praises because they chose to take on the role. They weren't obligated.

Speaker 2: 48:44

Yeah, and, and it's funny, the dynamic that that creates when, even as parents that you know have children and go all the way through it, they're learning that dynamic through the whole thing and building that. Uh, how are we raising these kids together and what is your role? What is my role? Sometimes you'll make decisions that I don't like and you'll do it and I, like you said, we've got to take this in the other room because we always have to show United front and if we do something, but With step parents, you know so it's the same dynamic, but for some reason, that putting that word step in there and that you're not, you're not the paternal father. You didn't, you didn't inseminate me, you know so. So you don't have that right. No, no, no, no.

Speaker 2: 49:38

We got married and we understood the kids were a dynamic here. We knew that I made that choice, that these kids were gonna be my. So now we have to make that same united front and we're still Just learning as we go along, because every year is a new year with kids. You know, even. You know you just stepped into it late in the game. So with your girls, you stepped into a late in the game, okay, but from this point on, it's like I'm sorry, andrew, you've never been through having three girls in this stage in life ever before either. So we're both learning this as we go along. So whether you're the natural parent or the step parent, it's the same dynamic. It's just the dynamic.

Speaker 1: 50:25

You don't know what the matter of the nine do?

Speaker 2: 50:27

yeah, exactly the dynamic that's different is the dynamic between the parents, that's. The only difference is that you know what you stepped in later in the game Doesn't make the game any different really.

Speaker 1: 50:38

That's true. I still give higher honors to the person who volunteered to take it on than the person who you have to and they don't want to, right, you know, and I think like ugh, I just wanted to have sex. I didn't want to raise kids, I just like the food here. I don't want to farm you know, and you're like well, that guy, well, you got a farm now, and you're like I hate farming.

Speaker 2: 50:59

This is stupid and then you got the guy who's like I'll take on this farm.

Speaker 1: 51:04

I'll do it. I'll do it on purpose, I don't have to. And I'll happily do the farming for you. And this goes for step moms too. The same thing where you see, people who are highly restricted when they take on the volunteer role, but I think there's more honor and nobility in choosing than being forced.

Speaker 2: 51:21

Yeah Well, choosing and stepping in and taking on the responsibility you know, and that I'm going to be the parent. I'm not going to just be a friend, I'm not going to be a. This is going to be tough. We're responsible for making getting these children to adulthood as responsible adults as we can get them to be. So, yeah, it's a, and stepping into that role and making those agreements.

Speaker 1: 51:50

And the appreciation of the sacrifice of resources, time, finances, energy, knowledge, you name it. All the love, languages, acts of service, all of the things.

Speaker 2: 52:04

My turn to give it to you.

Speaker 1: 52:06

Okay, all the sacrifices that get made that were volunteered, not obligated. I think that's important, that's a big deal. This is something where I pay attention. I'm like damn how much. How much have you given, not forced to give, given like I'll give that to even like the three step kids. How many resources you think you put into all of us?

Speaker 2: 52:33

Like it's just your kids.

Speaker 1: 52:34

Your like the resources of the step kids Me, my brother, my sister. How many resources have you put on the table? You're like I don't want to think about it.

Speaker 2: 52:46

Everything I've got. That was the way I looked at it. Everything I have is yours. Just like I said, I may have stepped in late in the game, but I didn't take the responsibility any longer.

Speaker 1: 52:56

Yeah, any differently.

Speaker 1: 52:58

I find the highest honor. In what step parents when they do that, and it's the same thing. Is there something where I would watch you with my sister especially, or even my brother, or even myself, where you would give so much just to be not appreciated for it? You know, taken for granted Again, the safety, security, the provisions and the goodness that you would offer not because you had to, because you chose to would for some reason be disrespected more.

Speaker 1: 53:30

And I didn't understand it. I didn't get it at the time and I, you know, I'll just I'm gonna pat myself on the back because I feel like I was the least of the offenders, but it was one of those things where I'm like even I didn't recognize the. I didn't have gratitude in the moment for those lessons. It was only in hindsight when I went back and revisited, especially a heart side, to go like what was given there and going, damn, damn the amount of fortitude that it took to just go. I will give all of this to you, knowing you won't get it, you won't understand it, and I have to do that sacrifice now when it makes me highly appreciate everything that you did.

Speaker 2: 54:13

Yeah, yeah, it's. You appreciate it, because now you're going through it and you look back and you look back and if I got to do, I look back at my teenage years and boy, I was terrible to my parents, you know, and the only way I recognize that is because my kids put me through some of that. They didn't put me through all of what I did, they put me through some of what I did and yeah, it's just as parents at the time, at the time, boy, I wish they'd just recognize something, some little thing once in a while. But then again, you know, well, they're teenagers. I didn't recognize it when I was a teenager either, you know. So you just kind of shrug it off and just say this is such as life, right.

Speaker 1: 54:55

Well, that's the hard part, is I have to have them go through hard things to appreciate good things.

Speaker 2: 55:01

Yeah, yeah, if you save them from everything, they'll never appreciate anything. Yeah, it's like the rich kid that's given everything. They got no skin in the game.

Speaker 1: 55:11

Yeah, and they feel like they're better than others because they just have I have more.

Speaker 2: 55:17

If I wreck this car, daddy will buy me another car, you know, and it's like no, you know me. When I was, kids bought their own cars and they bought the parts. I'd put them in. I'd sacrifice the labor. You never got to pay labor to put anything on. But you know what? If I buy you a set of tires, you'll be out there burning those tires up like they're nothing because you got no skin in the game.

Speaker 1: 55:38

If you know how much those exactly.

Speaker 2: 55:41

If you know how much those tires cost, you will watch every time you push that accelerator Boy. This is wearing them out. I'm going to have to buy another set.

Speaker 1: 55:49

Mm-hmm. No, I'll admit there's certain cars that Cavalier, I drove it to the ground. That Beretta, I had some sweet jumps on that thing, like I'm just saying like there's some things that like. But I remember I had to buy that Escort. That was not that, it was a piece of crap car. I'm not saying I treated it well, I didn't know how to treat anything well.

Speaker 1: 56:08

But, I took care of it better because, like I was, like it was way cheaper but I just had to do more work to get it, even though it was a worse vehicle. You guys gave me good things and I didn't understand how to take care of good things. Yet I didn't take care of myself, so I couldn't really, you know, do the same. I was just like I was a reckless, reckless kid, but you guys would still have our backs on those things and you guys had my back on a lot of moments and it was an honor to be able to have your back when you guys were like, hey, can we get some backup? And I was like, yeah, absolutely, and it actually made me feel better to reciprocate.

Speaker 1: 56:47

And that was one of the things, even when I lived with you guys in Virginia, when you were going through cancer the first time on those things and mom was going through her stuff and they couldn't figure out what it was to be a part of the support to help you guys get out of that. Like I was happy to, you know, and I didn't have to at that point it was a volunteer because you know the money I was making in Verizon and stuff at the point before your cancer stuff, I was like I'm good I can go, like, hey, my work here is done. And you're like, hey, next task even harder than the last, and I'm like, all right.

Speaker 2: 57:19

Yeah Well, and you remember what I always told you no, no. I said that as long as you're more of a blessing than a burden, you're here, you're fine to stay. I said no, no, I haven't released you from that yet.

Speaker 2: 57:28

Can't leave, you'd say, well, I think I can go get a place of my own. No, I have not released you yet. You cannot go get a place. You might want to, you might not, you know, but no, you're too handy to have around. You know we enjoy having you in the house. And then that hit. And then you know I'd have I had a 10 pound weight limit. I still tell people this yeah, rick came home from working at Verizon and found out that I moved a heavy thing in the basement and he yelled at me it's like you're not supposed to be doing that. That's what I'm here for. I've got these guns. I lift the heavy things. All right, you leave it.

Speaker 2: 58:04

You're wearing rags on stuff and I'm like oh man, yeah, yeah, I tell people he yelled at me for it. You know, my kid yelled at me because I moved something and he was like don't you do that? That's why I'm here, you know.

Speaker 1: 58:17

And God bless it.

Speaker 1: 58:19

Well, in that moment I honored the difficulty of the identity struggle. You know, I didn't. I didn't understand, like I do now, but at least I was aware of it. Where I'm like well, what you are is the guy who fixes things, what you are is the man who takes care of all the difficult stuff, and that's what you are. And when that piece is removed, that's very heavy, Like, and so you're like no, but I'm the one who fixes that, I'm the one who builds that and I'm the one who moves. That that's what I do.

Speaker 1: 58:53

And all of that has taken away from an illness or having to heal and recover.

Speaker 1: 58:59

And you're like but you removed what I am so I can heal, and that's sometimes is a heavier burden than even, like, the cracked rib, you know, like, you know. So I could recognize that because I could at least empathize in the moment of like that's a heavy toll. So it was an honor for me to go like, I'm kind of salty at you for getting fucked up again because you're never gonna heal, you know. But I'm happy to be able to help because, like, until that you're back on your feet, which it did, which was awesome, like, I'll take on that load, but it was an honor for me because that's what you did for me for a lot of years. But I didn't have the awareness, or even still, my identity was so disheveled, I didn't know, and so I was so in my own shit that I didn't understand the burdens that you were taking on. Wasn't you showing me like I'm not good enough, but being able to show me that I have room to be able to heal, to be good enough?

Speaker 2: 1:00:10

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what I'm just absorbing, that I'm receiving it too, because we just appreciated everything you did, because you did, you just took it on that year. You just, you told your mom, even just I was still traveling at that time and you just tell your mom, hey, when he's traveling, you let me know. So I know to come home after work, because you didn't want to leave your mother alone. And all of a sudden, this kicked in and you were just yet, whatever you guys need, whatever you need, you just let me know. And when we had to leave for the bone marrow transplant, you had to stay weeks on in with the dogs. You know, you had the house to take care of and all that. And you did a phenomenal job and you went above and beyond and it was just like you know it was.

Speaker 2: 1:00:52

We appreciated it because we don't know what we'd have done if you hadn't been there. And you just, again, you volunteered to step into a role. It was kind of you know you're here by proximity, it's yours, but it was yours to take or put down as well. You know you could have at any time said you know what, hey, I got my own life, I got my own gig, I got my own thing and I gotta go do this thing, you know, but you never did. You paused your life for us and we appreciated that. I mean, your mom still tops it up. You were there, you were the one that you were on the spot.

Speaker 1: 1:01:29

Yeah, well, it was. It's a good observation. I wasn't there because I didn't have the resources to not be there, right, like I could. I had more than enough money. I could have gone whenever I needed to. I was fine. But you were right, I chose to stay and that's where I would say I would learn from watching. I was watching the wisdom, I was watching what you guys would do and how you would give, and when it was my turn to reciprocate, I was happy to do so. Yeah, I've seen how it was done. My turn, happily.

Speaker 2: 1:02:01

And you showed it that way. You showed us that you were happy to do so. You didn't do anything begrudgingly. You didn't like I said the one time that I did something you said no, no, no, that was mine to do and you took that from me and you're gonna hurt yourself doing that, don't you? Don't let me come home and find you, and that's the you know. But no, you were through that whole thing. You were happy to do that and it showed it was.

Speaker 2: 1:02:27

And that's what took the stress off of us was we knew the dogs were taken care of, we knew the house was taken care of and we knew that you weren't begrudgingly doing it, because if a person's that way, if a person's, well, if I gotta, you know, oh my God, you're gonna leave for weeks and I'm stuck with the house. Who's gonna cook my dinner? Who's gonna mop the floor? You stepped in, you did all. You know you mop the floor. You were videotaping mopping the floor and your mom was just, you know, because you knew that's what she would want she would be doing if she was there, if she was over the moon. For that she was just, oh my God.

Speaker 1: 1:03:04

Well, I knew that when she got back, she'd show me the spots I missed, but I would still try to do mine.

Speaker 2: 1:03:09

I would still try to do my best you did, yeah, but, like I said so, the fact that you did it all with a smile on your face meant so much because, like I said, that just relieves the stress of us having to leave and us having to hurt, having to take care of me, having to be there with me. You know, it's just that means so much and that is a lesson to a lot of people that you know what that's like. The people that we leave our dogs with when we and I think when you leave to when you, when you leave your dog with someone you can trust, so love them as you do. You just don't even worry about you know, I don't. When we leave our dogs with our friends, we don't. It just allows you to have a stress free vacation or where business trip, where we were going. So that's what that did for us.

Speaker 1: 1:03:57

Yeah, it was honor. I'm very thankful for those that we got to have some cool times in there. It was good to be able to give back, because I never got to appreciate you for what you did, you know. So there was never even a thought of like oh my fucking parents.

Speaker 1: 1:04:14

Like I was like yeah, I think. No, you guys have done this for me for years. This is only a couple years for me, no big deal, let's get it. Let's get through it together. You know, and you know, and you know it was cool. It was also cool to be like lead by example for the stuff like we can't eat that shit, right, you're just gonna get fucking sicker. I don't eat that shit, I'm not eating it, so don't even get it.

Speaker 1: 1:04:37

Like I'm not gonna eat it in front of you and be like don't do it, I'll do whatever I'm saying you guys can do too. So, no, it was. It was good times and I thought it was very valuable and I was, I felt good to be there, and you guys were also much better than I ever was when I was a kid at appreciation, because you're like, thanks, thank you, that's fucking helpful and I'm like no problem, happy, happy to like yeah, so that's just, it's just, it's good to see. Like these are the things that I was taking from you guys. You know the things I take from watching my parents and I got to have blessed to have four parents and you were one of the big influences for me to be able to, like, really become a better guy.

Speaker 1: 1:05:17

And this is something that, like, I couldn't.

Speaker 1: 1:05:20

I couldn't articulate it for many years because my heart and spirit side was closed off, so I wouldn't be able to give the articulation for how much value it was to have you be the guy you were, because I didn't, I didn't understand, I didn't, I didn't get it, you know.

Speaker 1: 1:05:39

But now that I get it, it's like man, thank you, like out of my heart, like, thank you, thank you for being one of the reasons that, like, I can be a better guy. Thank you for showing me what it takes for, like when I did my Chimera, you are a big part of my Chimera. The way that you handle things was part of the traits of the kind of guy that I want to be, and so you are one of the people that I took probably the most traits to go. I want those two and I have to practice those traits and so when I do the Chimera training of take the people that you admire, or the people that you love, what they do, or their traits or their aspects of themselves, even the silliness or the dad jokes or the playfulness you are a big part of my Chimera, you know, and so I'm just honoring you for that and thank you. Thank you for being one of the people that I would watch the wisdom, even if you didn't know you were teaching the class.

Speaker 2: 1:06:34

I was going to say thank you. I'm just going to receive that because I'm thinking it's just like and all I did was live my life, you know, and I think I did it okay sometimes and crappy other times, and I just so it's tough to be on the receiving end of something like this, but I do receive it. I thank you for acknowledging it's weird. Right for being the main you are, you know, it is really weird.

Speaker 1: 1:07:03

Well, this is where it's kind of cool and like I feel like I have more journey to go, but you know if any part where, like I'm proud of that kid, I just want to say well, you're a reason that I'm the way that this is, and you know. So be proud of yourself. You know, if anything, because you had to do difficult things and go through hard times to help create this as a byproduct, and so thank you. Pretty cool stuff.

Speaker 2: 1:07:34

Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1: 1:07:37

So now I just I really do. I love you a lot. I love you, you know. I love you too. You're my dude. So, yeah, I just wanted to honor you and appreciate you for all of it, you know. And so when you called me this morning, like what do I do on the show? I don't.

Speaker 1: 1:07:51

Do I'm like, let me do the talking on this one. I got you because the excuse that I was using this forest to honor you and to praise you, and so this is how is? One of the ways I can do is go hey, listen how loud I can be about how awesome you are to me.

Speaker 2: 1:08:08

Thank you, and I'm going to go back to the first statement I made is I don't deserve this.

Speaker 1: 1:08:13

Yeah, I'm like, yeah, that's maybe you do and you're just being humble about it.

Speaker 2: 1:08:20

But I am proud of who you are, who you become. There's a lot I can learn from you too.

Speaker 1: 1:08:27

Together we're stronger. So you got some future battles coming here and, just like always, you know, nothing's changed. If there's any way that I can support and be there for you, you guys just ask. We'll be there.

Speaker 2: 1:08:42

You can tell him turn the radiation up. So I turn into the hole.

Speaker 1: 1:08:46

Let's just switch it to gamma.

Speaker 2: 1:08:48

Yeah, exactly, they said they're using high powered stuff. Anyway, it's like, well, can it go a little higher? Maybe green is not my color, maybe it's blue or red or something.

Speaker 1: 1:09:00

You're going to be the red, the blue. Why so blue? You'd be like I'm the sad big Hulk or you're playing the blues. Yeah, there we go, yeah.

Speaker 2: 1:09:16

We're not going to be able to play the guitar when we're done with this.

Speaker 1: 1:09:18

You know you're going to be like redding as soon as you turn a little.

Speaker 2: 1:09:21

Yeah, well, you know the doctor will say well sure, there's no reason you couldn't play the guitar after this. Well good, because I couldn't play it before.

Speaker 1: 1:09:31

Yeah, you'd be smashing the guitars, yeah.

Speaker 2: 1:09:38

Well, we'll see how that goes.

Speaker 2: 1:09:40

You know, it's just funny how new chapter is unfold right and, like we were saying about raising kids, none of us have been through this before. You know, I've never been 57 years old before, so I don't know how this goes. I've never had this before. This is all different than it was back in 15. I don't know how this goes. So it's just you know. You got to take it as it comes, you got to roll with it. Just you know what. Don't live into what is, because for everything, you say what if it goes bad? Well, what if it goes good?

Speaker 1: 1:10:12

Yeah Well, a lot of times we're so worried about the what ifs we forget to praise the what is.

Speaker 2: 1:10:18

Yes, exactly I like to live in the what is no only I only. Anything I'm anticipating in the future is just because of the data that I know today. I know that data may change tomorrow.

Speaker 1: 1:10:30

Well, we keep missing the beautiful moments we're in because we keep living our present, minutes and pasts that aren't happening anymore, or our futures that will never happen, and so our lives are just documentaries of watching time disappear. I'm not being present in the present enough to be able to say I can appreciate what is and thank you for being what you are, instead of saying well, it should have, could have, would have been this way. If only this and if only that we get into fear and bargaining pretty quickly.

Speaker 2: 1:11:00

Yep.

Speaker 1: 1:11:01

Yep, yeah. So that's why I say it's cool to be able to have these moments and if anybody's listening to this conversation so far, like, praise your parents even the mistakes they make is meant to be able to teach you something.

Speaker 1: 1:11:15

And you watch the wisdom and sometimes those lessons are learned the hard way. Some of those things that you've had to do, like you know, but even still the things that you you would say these are my mistakes, were also lessons. Like you're, like I was fighting through alcoholism. I'm like, yeah, but you tame that motherfucker because I've had beers with you and you haven't gone too far, so you've got to under control. Right, I'm like, well, that's a fucking battle, because anybody who's had to fight that addiction knows it's a fucking. That's a fight, yes, you know. And to say like, well, what's the lesson? We'll watch the wisdom without judgment, without shame, going right, they had to fight and beat that and he did.

Speaker 1: 1:11:56

What kind of guy does that, you know? And it shows strength and fortitude against you know, some of the toughest fights, as a demon that just haunts and he's very enticing, you know, because he uses distraction and pleasure as a way to make it so that you destroy yourself. Yeah, it's an interesting fight and you've beaten that fight. Or when you had the accident on the motorcycle, that could have been it. That could have been there, that could have been it and, like you said, most people have PTSD over this is he'll never get on a bike again how my mom does, even from your stuff, right, and you're like, no, you know what, I'm still going to conquer that. I'm still going to face that. It's a fear, sure, but what kind of life do I have if I live in fear and excuses instead of being able to have courage and authenticity?

Speaker 2: 1:12:42

Exactly, and it was, you know, to let that steal something that I love so much. And that's what my mother told me After I bought my new bike. Eight months later she was just. She told me I'm happy for you. Is that something you've always loved? And it would have been terrible to watch that accident steal that from you, steal the joy that you get and it was you know, amazing. It was like really, mom, you know, you were one of the ones I thought you'd have been saying why would you get back on that.

Speaker 2: 1:13:11

So he was happy for me, which is a thing. Be happy for people in their struggles, in their battles, in their, you know, in their overcoming you know. Be happy for people. It's like when your mom and I were watching competition shows and and some of the competitors are always dogging the competition is saying, oh, I can do better than that. I can do better than that. It's like no, lift them up, tell you know you want them to be awesome because they're, they're competing against themselves. You just want your end result to be better than theirs, but you still want their end result to be good. You know that's the way it ought to be. We all, out of each year and each other, are.

Speaker 1: 1:13:54

Yeah, we're so busy judging each other's journeys we're not learning from how we handle losses.

Speaker 2: 1:13:59

Exactly. I am my only competition. I just want to be better today than I was yesterday. I don't have to be better than you, and you taught me that in when we were working out. What little bit I worked out with you, you were don't know. Don't compete against me, compete against yourself. You know you do the way that you can do. Don't even worry about what way I'm doing. I'm doing better than I did yesterday.

Speaker 1: 1:14:23

Yeah, I'm trying to be me Exactly. I'm not trying to be you, I'm trying to be me.

Speaker 2: 1:14:28

Exactly. We're not going to be today. Well, and if that's the way I mean, it's not like you know. I know that, like in a foot race, there's only one winner, but still, did I do better than I did yesterday? Did I beat my best time? Did I do good? You know?

Speaker 1: 1:14:44

Yeah, if you had a person, the best. Are you really a loser?

Speaker 2: 1:14:48

Exactly.

Speaker 1: 1:14:49

You know, you just broke your own record. Did you really lose?

Speaker 2: 1:14:53

Well, or even the ones that you watch the race, and they stumbled and fell and twisted their ankle, but they still finished the race. Really, you didn't lose by any. In fact, more respect to you.

Speaker 1: 1:15:04

Yeah, you showed your character Exactly. You know, and so someone with that's, that's standing and that moral standing, and some of us are just gimping through with busted legs just trying to get to the finish line and people like you're not the fastest, you're like I don't think you get it. I'm going to finish with I'm going to finish what I started.

Speaker 1: 1:15:24

Yes, finish with integrity and finish with with confidence, and I'm going to finish with courage and I'm not going to quit and I'm not going to give away my power to something that wants me to lay down on the ground and be nothing.

Speaker 2: 1:15:41

Exactly.

Speaker 1: 1:15:42

Pretty tough. It's pretty awesome. Yeah, judge the journeys instead of learning from what we can learn from our losses. These are their cliches. But to be open, like it takes sometimes people years to go, oh, I get it.

Speaker 1: 1:15:56

Exactly so so love your step parents. This is a. This is that's the one thing. If anybody here not only is listening, because they have step parents, but if you're married to somebody who chose to be one, do not knock your, your, your partner down, unified front, because that's one of the hardest things. They're not your kids, so shut up, it's like nope, nope. You should honor the person who volunteered, both the step moms and step dads, the people who took it on and said I chose to take on the burden and the responsibility of raising your children, because if anybody has ever put raising somebody else's kid as a child, you're out of your fucking mind. Like no, it's not, it's taking on maximum resources with the lowest amount of appreciation until way later. And so this is something where I want to make sure I'm really loud about thank you for being the guy who did that, because I was a shit and I didn't know and I feel like I can't. I can't do enough to be like honoring you because it mattered, like it mattered a lot. You've done it.

Speaker 2: 1:17:12

Yes, thank you, thank you.

Speaker 1: 1:17:17

So you want to sell some programs or something you can do, something. You want to make a program you can sell for people. Let's get people promoting, like and subscribe to race channel.

Speaker 2: 1:17:24

Yes, yes, I haven't written a book. I don't have a YouTube channel, I don't have a self improvement channel, I don't have a home improvement channel, I don't have a work and I'm motorist like I don't have nothing. I'm not here to sell nothing, I'm just here to hang with my man.

Speaker 1: 1:17:39

Most of the people that come out are usually they have some sort of thing, so that's why it's the, that's the.

Speaker 2: 1:17:43

Exactly, you know, I know, yeah, and here's the infomercial at the end of the program. But wait, there's more.

Speaker 1: 1:17:50

Click the links like and subscribe. Hit the button Exactly.

Speaker 2: 1:17:53

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 1:17:56

Yeah, I love you.

Speaker 2: 1:17:57

I love you too man. Thanks, this was awesome.

Speaker 1: 1:18:00

Pretty fun, right yeah.

Speaker 2: 1:18:02

Talk to you later.

Speaker 1: 1:18:03

I hope we get some people who learn from this, because that's the point Me too, thank you.