125. Trigger Warning! (Live)

When the line between life and death blurs, it's the strength of our bonds that pulls us back. Listen to a powerful recounting of how one warrior's efforts saved another from the brink, setting the stage for an exploration of the emotional threads that hold us together. This episode traverses the hidden valleys of our inner lives, revealing the life-saving impact of community, the raw moments that escape Instagram feeds, and the heartfelt connections that can transform destinies. We're peeling back the layers to show you the genuine interactions and critical interventions that redefine what it means to be part of a supportive network.

Have you ever felt the crushing weight of trying to please everyone except yourself? We've all been there, and this conversation is an odyssey from the pursuit of external validation to the liberating shores of self-acceptance. By sharing personal anecdotes and insights, we navigate the tumultuous seas of emotional interactions and how they shape our personal growth. Along the journey, we challenge authority, confront societal norms, and advocate for the unyielding power of speaking our truth. The episode radiates a message of empowerment, urging men to find camaraderie, mentorship, and the unparalleled strength that arises from a community of like-minded individuals.

The finale of our episode is a gentle yet profound reminder of the basic human needs that often get overlooked—appreciation and the power of touch. We discuss the transformative effects of simply showing gratitude and the warmth of a loving gesture. It's a call to action for all warriors to face challenges with a full heart, to cherish every moment with those they hold dear, and to extend kindness universally. As the conversation wraps, it's not just a goodbye but a beacon of love and unity, igniting the promise of reconnection in our ongoing journey together. Join us, and let's embrace the power of our collective strength. Good night, warriors.

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:08

Looks like the main mic is good. I don't even know if we're on right now. Oh, it looks like we are.

Speaker 2: 0:14

All right, let's give it a minute for people to jump on, and then I'm going to kick it off.

Speaker 1: 0:20

There's the chats. All right, it looks like we're live on this thing.

Speaker 2: 0:24

We're not live on this one yet, not yet. We will be though.

Speaker 1: 0:27

Three, two, one.

Speaker 2: 0:29

All right, we're live on this one, let's give it just a little bit Cool, all right.

Speaker 1: 0:38

Hi baby, welcome Warriors. I don't know if our YouTube is live. We're trying to use this OBS system. It says that we're live.

Speaker 2: 0:45

Yeah, we're just so much later than normal though.

Speaker 1: 0:48

Yeah, so it could be throwing people off.

Speaker 2: 0:52

I'm trying to see, see, actually, if it's showing that we are alive right now. I think it's taking a minute, I don't know. Oh yeah, here we go. I just popped on, cool. So for those of you that are jumping on, um, this is going to be a little bit of a different start. Hi hi, ruth. I did ask rick. Rick doesn't know what I'm about to say at all. I've asked him for the very first time in doing this that I speak first. That's so unlike my character, because I would not do any of this, if you know, he's the show right, so I wouldn't do any of this. So, so we're gonna wait for several people to jump on and then I have something to share with you guys. So, um, so this is why it's going to be a little bit of an uncomfortable start, but I think it's important that we get as many people as we can on silence. That's what, if it really, it really feels like the moment of silence? Oh, oh, my goodness. Peter says I see and I hear you.

Speaker 1: 1:56

Good yeah this is Morgan and Jenna. You're always on with us, hi, snorlax. Yeah, yeah, good to see you, chris.

Speaker 2: 2:02

I'm just going to wait until we have some more people in on the old TikTok, because it's always a slow start and then we usually get over 100 people and it kind of goes back and forth. But for those of you that are jumping on, I just said we're starting this live very differently than normal because I'm the one that's talking. I know, surprise, surprise, um, but I had asked rick if I could start the life tonight, um, because I have something to share with you guys. But, um, of course I didn't tell him what it was about.

Speaker 1: 2:36

I don't know. I don't know what she's gonna say. Also, if you want the good audio, you guys should subscribe to the youtube. That's where the good audio is going to be. So like we have our, I'm using the obs system, so hopefully it sounds good there. But we all have our tiktokers. It's just the audio is not going to sound as good on this than it will on that, so we're just trying to serve as many people as possible.

Speaker 2: 2:57

Yes, and as we wait for more people to get on, we did, jenna, thank you. We had a great birthday dinner last week. We had a great time. He surprised me and took me to one of our favorite restaurants that we love. It has a beautiful atmosphere and environment. It was very romantic. And he gave me that notebook on the live which I shared. If you're in the women's group on the, there's one side. I shared it with only the one side of just a little snippet of what he wrote in there, which was so romantic and so so sweet. I love you. Okay, I love you too. So I wanted to. Maybe that's a good segue, jenna.

Speaker 2: 3:37

So we're starting off this live very differently, because I'm the one that's talking and leading this and that I don't like doing it, naturally. So here we go and I hopefully I'll be able to get through this without crying, which I know it's going to be hard, because I already feel like I'm tearing up. Okay, so I can't even start without crying. Oh, my God, just bear with me, because the story I'm about to tell you is amazing. So Rick gave me this notebook right Last week for my birthday. Very sentimental gift, beautiful writing in this notebook, okay, um, and he told me, like this is how quickly I would have something to write in this notebook. And so it literally happened just before this live. So I have to share this with you. Thanks Phil, this with you, thanks, phil. The reason I wrote in my notebook tonight is because at 5.55 tonight, no, we're not having a baby Jesus.

Speaker 1: 5:07

No, baby.

Speaker 2: 5:08

Chris, no, no babies. At 5.55 tonight his phone rings.

Speaker 1: 5:15

It's one of my warriors.

Speaker 2: 5:16

One of my warriors calls Let me tell the story my bad baby, you do your thing.

Speaker 2: 5:23

And one of his guys calls and there's a guy in the group Dang it that's not doing well and it's suicidal. And this man jumps on the phone with this guy and literally saved this man's life. And I hope he's on tonight Because when I had a brief moment to talk to him I was like you're part of our family now and watching Rick go through this experience. That's why we're late tonight. Right, we could have chose not to go on because it takes that's a big toll for another man, for anyone to have to take, right, but even a bigger burden for that person that's going through it, and it would be very easy for us to be like. You know, no, we're just going to take the night off. But I think there's a bigger message that needs to be shared here that is so heavy on my heart too, like for you as a guy. Like people see social media and TikTok. They look at our followers I don't even know how many, we have Over 300,000. And they see us entertaining. They see me bombarding you all the time. They see your podcast and none of that shit matters. It doesn't matter at all. And to see you be able to save a man's life tonight and this is not the first time this has happened at all. I was like none of this other shit really matters in the world Us coming on here on Wednesdays and entertaining people and you know. So grateful for you guys. But at the end of the day, the real work that this man is doing, no one sees, no one has even an idea of what he does for these men.

Speaker 2: 7:46

And I just want to take a moment just and this is in my notebook. I already started writing my first page because I heard this guy just not doing well at all To leaving that conversation tonight just feeling so inspired and laughing and wanting to be a part of your group. You know what the crazy thing is about this whole thing? It didn't cost this man one fucking dollar. There wasn't one conversation about it's going to cost you. This is how much it's going to be to join into the group. None of it. None of it. And I just felt like it was so heavy in my heart I had to share it because people don't see that and we don't talk about it enough. But this is the shit you do on a daily basis and you saved a guy's life and ask me for fucking nothing in return. Like that's the type of man that you are, and I'm so, so proud of you. I really am Thank you for me.

Speaker 2: 8:56

I'm honored. I forgot these people were here almost Because you know I can't see without my glasses. That's part of us. But the work you did tonight I was looking at you and just like praying internally, like this is what God's work looks like. This is what God's work looks like. You just you're so giving to these men and have their back and show up when it's inconvenient. And in fact, right before you jumped on the call, you're like God's calling, like, and you took the call, it wasn't like, oh, we got to do this. We're about to go live in five minutes. I can't take this call. No, it'll never be that for either one of us no and it's such a beautiful thing to see.

Speaker 2: 10:34

So I just that's going to be my first entry into this notebook, and who knew that was going to be the first one? And so it's a guy that, um, we just met tonight, that's now a part of our family, is on Jared's here. Who's my guy. We're happy you're here. We're so, so happy you're here with us and, like I said to you on the phone, it's great to have you a part of our family.

Speaker 1: 10:59

Yeah, it's an honor. We got some good road to walk together.

Speaker 2: 11:03

So anyway, thank you all for listening. I can't read the comments, I don't have my glasses on, but this was going to be. It just was different and it's you know what it needed to be said, because this is stuff you do all the time but I don't think people see it, and tonight was just so clear, like yeah.

Speaker 1: 11:22

Thank you, baby.

Speaker 2: 11:23

Yeah, I'm proud of you.

Speaker 1: 11:27

Thanks, baby.

Speaker 2: 11:29

You're welcome. He didn't know I was going to do that.

Speaker 1: 11:32

No, no, thank you.

Speaker 2: 11:33

I didn't realize I was going to bow my eyes out either.

Speaker 1: 11:36

No, it's good and it's an honor too, and this is something where I understand that my purpose and my calling this is why we're here to serve you guys, even on this stuff, but it's not because we need followers or likes. I don't care about any of that shit. She doesn't care, we don't care it doesn't matter.

Speaker 1: 11:53

But to be able to say like, hey, now I'm connected with another one of my warriors. There's a guy out there who, like he's one of us and just didn't know where he was supposed to be yet. Like that's, that's what we're doing, like there's an entire place where this guy is going to fit perfect. He just didn't know where he's supposed to be yet. And it feels hopeless when we're out there fighting the world all alone and nobody's like got our back. But man, you're going to see brother. Man, when we're there with you, you're going to feel invincible. You're going to be like I can beat this shit.

Speaker 1: 12:25

You're going to be like really hell yeah you're fucking, you're tough and you're one of us and I'm excited. I'm like, again, there wasn't. Like. You know, give me your credit card, like no, it's just show up, dude, you come here with us and we'll be there for you. And there's a place where your knowledge and your wisdom and your heart and the things that you bring to the table man you're gonna be. You're gonna be making people's lives better and I'm excited for it. Yeah, yeah. So that's what I said. That's exactly what I said when our guys were like hey, one of our guys, he's in, I'm like God's calling. I got to answer.

Speaker 2: 12:57

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 12:58

There's no like, oh look.

Speaker 2: 13:02

There never is any hesitation with him, it doesn't matter if it's inconvenient or it doesn't matter, he will always do what's right first.

Speaker 1: 13:10

He's my dude. No, I'm super proud of the guy.

Speaker 2: 13:12

I'm very very proud, very excited.

Speaker 1: 13:14

And I'm looking forward to the road that we get to hang out together, man, because we got some cars that need fixing and some knowledge that you need to bring and some jokes that haven't been made yet. Just some good times, man, and you're going to find your place yeah.

Speaker 2: 13:27

And so it's an honor, I'm very proud. I'm very proud man.

Speaker 1: 13:33

Wait till you start doing it for others. Man, You're a good dude. I'm excited to be able to have some time with you. Man, I see you. I actually do see you.

Speaker 2: 13:41

Jared, I do see you and you can't get rid of us now because I told you you're in our family. Just keep showing up, man, I'll be there for you.

Speaker 1: 13:47

You just keep showing up man. Yeah, you're not a burden to me. Yeah, you guys aren't burdens.

Speaker 2: 13:54

And here's the thing too, you know, in this funny fucker just put this on here like where are you guys located? We're in Illinois, and here's the beautiful thing about this group and you know where we're at is we've met several people that are local, that come on and are just come over. We just invite them over. I'm like we probably should just be careful, but he's a good read of character, so we'll talk to the men first. We'll talk to the men first. But we've had a lot of people that we've met that have come over, and you know I'll always order them food, um, and feed them and make sure I have their favorite snacks. That's my job. Um, we'll do the rest. But, um, this group isn't where people meet, like physically meet, and I think that's where the power is too, because it's you can reach everybody by phone or video, you know.

Speaker 1: 14:49

Brandon, you already know I opened my door to you, brandon. We've been telling you, brandon, you can come over. We've been telling you I got a guest room.

Speaker 2: 14:55

And soon, if you don't start showing up, we're coming to you.

Speaker 1: 14:59

No, you're already invited, brandon. You already invited. I'll give you Brandon. You can come over whenever you want man.

Speaker 2: 15:03

Yeah, phil's been with us since the beginning. The magical snacks I will always feed you, phil.

Speaker 1: 15:07

Phil comes over, yeah.

Speaker 2: 15:08

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 15:11

Yeah, josh, yeah, someone said food Come over.

Speaker 2: 15:13

Yeah, come on over, I'll feed you.

Speaker 1: 15:15

No, yeah, it's honor though, going to say like and this is one of those things where, like you know, even when I got to talk to my my guy tonight like people watch our, our content and our shows or they listen to the podcast, or they'll go through the stuff that we create and, um, it's like the tip of the iceberg of what the purpose is for for what I'm doing. Like it's way bigger than that, but people will only be able to see a little bit at a time, and so we just, we just give them the stuff that they want, and then, when our guys are with us, we give them what they need. And so again, there's there are a lot of guys that are still alive right now because of conversations that I've had.

Speaker 2: 15:54

I know and I've seen it. I've I've seen it so much and I think that you always say you know what your purpose is. It's so much bigger than what social media will ever show, cause half of it's fake anyway. But, um, that's my judgment, I don't know. But, um, sorry, um, but it's like we're all humans just trying to do a good job and you know you really are serving a purpose and helping guys. And immediately when I heard you, the women can say cause I put in the women's group like women appreciate and love your men, like our men are struggling big time and so love on your guys, appreciate your men.

Speaker 1: 16:34

Also like just real talk, men need men.

Speaker 2: 16:36

They do.

Speaker 1: 16:37

We need each other. We are so good when your boys are like boys are with each other. Men need men and anybody who's trying to convince you otherwise doesn't really get it. We do really well when we can bounce off each other and then work through stuff and then bring it back to our pack. It's a leadership trait that men need men. It's because having advisors and counsel and brotherhood it makes it so we can bounce off information from each other and then bring it back to our wives and our kids and do the best that we can.

Speaker 1: 17:07

And we're trying our best to be the heroes in other people's story that we wish we would have had when we were younger. And I think that's a really difficult thing is like we're trying to be the kind of people that we wish we would have had, and that's a heavy sentence, but that's a very difficult burden to carry for ourselves. And so our brothers are just stronger together because, man, we lean on each other to go. How are you doing it? I want to try that. Oh, that's a better way. I never thought about that.

Speaker 1: 17:35

Or, oh, man, you're missing this whole piece right here. That's going to wear you down. You got to get rid of that, so you can do the thing you're meant to do and go. Oh yeah, good point, I'm carrying unnecessary baggage. That's right. We look out for each other and men are really good for men. We need each other and so having a brotherhood and what we've created with the Warrior's Way mindset man, like the community itself, is going to get very, very powerful because we do what is right, not who is right. This isn't a dictatorship. We really do look out for our men. We are there for our brothers and our brothers matter, and I think it's something where, like today, that's what's, that's the thing that's needed.

Speaker 2: 18:12

Agreed. It really is yeah.

Speaker 1: 18:23

Cassandra, you're probably making a very good point. I work with boys in residential and the women want power, but I keep telling them as a woman, cassandra, I'm actually very interested to see what you have to say Remember, if you bring them on here, they can't hear on YouTube. No, it's okay, I was just seeing if it was possible. I'm curious to see the end of her sentence. But in any case, thank you, baby, I love you.

Speaker 2: 18:51

Oh, let me smack you. Yeah, I couldn't even see it coming.

Speaker 1: 18:55

Yeah, I love you. I love you too. Thank you, I appreciate it. I'm glad that—.

Speaker 2: 18:59

Very proud of you I appreciate it.

Speaker 1: 19:00

I'm glad you get to see you know.

Speaker 2: 19:02

I've been seeing it for a long time, but I don't think that it's been this close to us being, you know, on a live, where you know it's just so fresh in my mind.

Speaker 1: 19:13

So, yeah, yeah, it's an honor to serve my brothers. It's an honor to be there for guys who just they don't feel seen, but they have so much to give.

Speaker 2: 19:22

there's so much value yeah, hi ben, hey, what's up?

Speaker 1: 19:26

there you go. I hope ben's feeling better. Is he feeling better? Because he told me he wasn't feeling good yesterday? Feel better ben yeah, that's our order yeah, do it all right, good stuff. Let's thank you guys, but but you know, jared, I'm looking forward to hanging with you tomorrow. Man, just Just jump in with us tomorrow.

Speaker 2: 19:44

It's so good.

Speaker 1: 19:44

All right, what else we got here?

Speaker 2: 19:47

Snorlax, seriously Go to YouTube and just rewind. It Is that what you say?

Speaker 1: 19:54

Just put it to the beginning whatever you say, rewind Is there still a thing to rewind?

Speaker 2: 19:59

I don't know, that's what I call it. Oh my gosh, it was just showing this guy a lot of praise for what he was doing tonight. And, corby, are you in the group?

Speaker 1: 20:15

I don't know, I don't think I don't know who Corby is. Let's see. Yeah, some of these guys I haven't got a chance to hang out with yet, yeah, good stuff.

Speaker 2: 20:31

It was so funny too, during this conversation. Jared's like but I've been watching you. I don't think he could even believe it was you that was calling him.

Speaker 1: 20:55

And I'm like it was kind of adorable, Like, yeah, we are human beings. I'm very proud of him. I'm proud of him for having the moment. I don't think people recognize what that means. We're in a society that's so judgmental. You can't see people for who they are. We judge them for where they are and you don't really understand that, Like we're carrying so much weight and hurt inside of us that people judge your journey instead of seeing somebody who's going through warrior shit. Very proud of him. He got to do something that I think is going to really be very beneficial. I think he's going to bring a lot of value to people. Very proud of him.

Speaker 2: 21:30

Yeah, it's awesome. Thanks, Joshua, for the gift.

Speaker 1: 21:35

Joshua, thanks bud. You're our number one giver right now, so we appreciate it.

Speaker 2: 21:41

And the only I don't know. So we appreciate it. And the only it's out of the houses on here, I don't know. Oh my gosh, all right, so what do you guys want to talk about now?

Speaker 1: 21:48

Yeah, well, we put something controversial out today and I think we're getting a lot of people who are going to disagree.

Speaker 2: 21:55

I have to say, though we are not hearing from the women.

Speaker 1: 22:07

It is the men that are like I don't know that's how they're saying it too.

Speaker 2: 22:09

I know the men that are coming. They're like, I don't know, just kidding. That's true, joshua. I think that anger is how we cry. Yeah, that's how we do it. Yeah, but people are getting confused. Still in the comments, I, I see them going back and forth. I was showing you the comments tonight. Um, I think acknowledgement is getting confused with validation, yeah, and so like there's this back and forth that's happening in the comments right now. Um, but it's, we worked it out last week. I feel very strongly about what we were able to come up with. I think if you take the emotions out of it, you'll start to see it a little bit clearer, not just like well, I want to see, I want someone to validate my emotions, so I must be right, you're not. You're not when you really break it down and understand what is valid. Validation mean. It means to be true, like to be true, right, yeah but then it's just your truth, not the truth.

Speaker 2: 23:02

How like you can take it away.

Speaker 1: 23:04

No, no, no. Go ahead, baby. They want to hear from you. It's. It's one thing for me, because if I say it it's misogynistic. If you say it, we can validate your emotions, yeah.

Speaker 2: 23:13

If I'm telling him to validate my emotions, that's just my truth, Right? So feelings, right. Feelings it's OK to have feelings, but feelings are also not facts, right? They may feel like they're facts in the moment, but they're not Well let's actually.

Speaker 1: 23:26

we talked about this this morning. Okay, this is where it just came up. When is it that people are demanding that their feelings are validated?

Speaker 2: 23:36

Oh, that's adorable, that's adorable.

Speaker 1: 23:38

Thanks, Wolfie. What's up? That's Ruth. Oh nice, Thank you. So when is it that people demand that I need my feelings validated when they are sad or when they're angry, when they're angry when they're mad. So is it a request or is it a demand?

Speaker 2: 23:55

It's a demand.

Speaker 1: 23:56

And that makes it count.

Speaker 2: 23:58

Validate my emotions. I'm not okay, unless if I came to reconcile, I'm so mad. I need you to validate my emotions, and it may not be those exact words, but I need you to do this for me, for myself, to be okay. If you chase that pattern, you will get to a place that's called a dead end. You won't go anywhere. There's no growth. That happens from that, because you're always looking for someone externally to fill this void within yourself. That's not within you. So you'll always be chasing that and you'll always want everyone to validate your emotions. And as soon as you have the guy that's like, I'm going to validate your emotions, okay, then I know that I'm right. It's like, but deep down, that's not the case. Also, if you want someone to validate their emotions and they don't, and then you get mad, that's also a trigger too, it's a demand?

Speaker 1: 25:04

Yes, you're demanding.

Speaker 2: 25:07

You're not requesting.

Speaker 1: 25:08

You're not making agreements, you're trying to control, and that gets very manipulative.

Speaker 2: 25:14

Yeah, and even as women. Women are very agreeable, and have you ever noticed sometimes when you say that you don't agree with a woman or you show them a different side of things, it's usually just as soon as you don't agree, they become very judgmental. Um, that's because you're not validating what they said. You can disagree. But then how do we handle it when we disagree with someone? Do we open up and like hear them out, or do we just judge them for having a difference of opinion?

Speaker 1: 25:45

Yeah, yeah, Just to say it out there. We agree with acknowledgement.

Speaker 2: 25:50

Yes, 100%.

Speaker 1: 25:53

Baby, you're in it, I can see you. I'll acknowledge it's the observation I'm not agreeing with you.

Speaker 2: 25:58

I see that you're crying. I see you're upset. I see that you're crying. I see you're upset. I see you're like about to have a breakdown.

Speaker 1: 26:07

I'm with you, I'll support you, but I'm not going to say you're correct.

Speaker 2: 26:11

I won't validate your rights.

Speaker 1: 26:13

but I will say I can acknowledge that you're in and I can support you, but that doesn't mean I agree with you.

Speaker 2: 26:19

And that, to me, feels stronger as a woman than you agreeing with me. Because as soon as you agree with me, if my mind and my emotions are out of control, and you agree with me that my mind says out of control, like it makes me feel a little like kooky inside, like, oh my gosh, this is normal to feel like this and not have any like logical standpoint of like these crazy emotions that are happening. There's more strength that comes from what you just said of like that feel stronger to me good, yeah, I don't, I don't agree with you yeah but I'm still here for you I actually prefer that

Speaker 2: 26:57

yeah don't agree because to me it puts me from like chaotic mindset or highly emotional to like Well think about how unsafe you get if I'm just like okay, babe, I'm sorry, You're right. Okay.

Speaker 1: 27:12

Okay, fine, you're right. You're right, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Okay, you have a feeling. Okay, then what do I need to do? You're right, no.

Speaker 2: 27:18

Sorry, no, Sorry. In that case I'd be like so now we're both out of control.

Speaker 1: 27:22

Yeah, I'm like whatever you say, I guess I'll just do whatever you tell me to, because you're right, okay, and your truth is the truth, okay. So whatever I believe is right is out the window, because it doesn't matter what I think, because we're only validating your emotions, so fine, whatever you say, babe, okay, how safe do you feel? Not safe at all, not at all. No, I see that you're going through it and I love you, but I'm not agreeing with you.

Speaker 2: 27:48

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 27:49

I'm going to still hold to what is right while you're going through. Who is?

Speaker 2: 27:53

right. I feel so much more safe as a woman to have that response than it does for you to validate my ever-changing emotions.

Speaker 1: 28:00

It's a good question. Rio de Janeiro, Is it Denario? It's a good question. Rio De Janeiro, Is it De Nario? That's a good, that's a cool name. What's up, Jessie? Good to see you, bud.

Speaker 2: 28:08

Hey Jessie.

Speaker 1: 28:09

All right. Also, yeah, I got some cool stuff for you soon, Jessie, I have to reach out to you. I had oh catastrophe I'll have to share with you later. But let's see, is accepting her opinion is not always genuine or valid. I think that if you're getting into acceptance is still like um, it's not the same as validating. I don't believe it's the same to say I can accept that you're going through something. I think it doesn't mean that it is right, True, Correct. It's just where you are.

Speaker 2: 28:39

I think it's acknowledging the observation of what's happening.

Speaker 1: 28:43

And that you have feelings.

Speaker 2: 28:44

Yes.

Speaker 1: 28:44

It doesn't make them because you're going to. They'll be different in an hour. Yeah, so they're only valid for the second. I don't know if I need to validate, Because that means I have an authority that I'm giving you permission to be.

Speaker 2: 28:56

Don't validate. And here's for all the women on here and I know it's not just me, women on here, and I know it's not just me but how many times have you had an emotion and then an hour later, you're like that was so stupid. Why did I do that? This is why it's important to not always have someone that validates your emotions, because they're ever changing. Sometimes we don't understand our own emotions. I have those moments. I'm like I hated everything about that. I don't know who that was, but that wasn't me. I don't know who that was, but that wasn't me.

Speaker 1: 29:24

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 29:24

Yeah, they can be different now, right, and so can you imagine a man? Just, I mean thank God for our men, because, especially the ones that can stay strong within that, because if I was as chaotic and you were just like, yeah, we're just going with it, I'd be like I don't even know who's in control here.

Speaker 1: 29:43

Yeah, so I can say like babe, I see you're in it, I hold solid to what it is, and then the hour she'll come back and she'll go. Ah, damn it. Yeah, you were right, I was just in it.

Speaker 2: 29:55

Yeah, I'm like.

Speaker 1: 29:55

I love you. Welcome back.

Speaker 2: 29:57

Yeah, glad to have you back. I'm like I'm glad to be back, but that's it. That is an important part in like this dynamic is having someone that can be solid when all the chaos is going on, because women will bring the chaos. We don't need our men bringing also heightened chaos just by agreeing either. Like that doesn't feel good. As a woman, I'm like that doesn't feel good.

Speaker 1: 30:25

Yeah, good call, babe. Yeah, gg, she actually worked this out too. She's like like I was doing my version of it up there, yeah.

Speaker 1: 30:33

Her notes are right here. She worked through her part, I worked through my part. Yeah, very, very proud of her Cause. She's like let me see, is this validation thing actually needed or not needed? And she came up where she was like every way that I do this validation is a dead end. I don't have to grow, we don't connect and it doesn't work. It doesn't seem like the best way to do it, but acknowledge to understand and then, you know, stand by what we believe is best and support each other is not the same as validation, and I think it's becoming a power play or manipulation the same as validation and I think it's becoming, um, a power play or manipulation. Now, it's not to say that all validation is bad, but I think that when it turns into, I'm making a demand that you validate me or else I'm not talking to you.

Speaker 1: 31:12

Well, then it becomes very manipulative yeah, now that I'm thinking about this even more, I think we live in a validation society well, it's a, it's a, it's the me, it's the me mentality, yeah, but if you think about it, how much chaos that people like have because someone just disagrees and doesn't agree with what they say.

Speaker 2: 31:36

like turns out what here's. Here's the thought. If we just said what we said about men and women, like I'm, I'm chaotic. If he agrees, then both of us are chaotic right In society, and this can be women to men too, or however you want to look at it. If the emotional side of humans, whether it's men or women, are just emotional, right, not logical thinkers and we have our strong men are the ones that are logical thinkers, being like okay, you're right, you're right, you're right, I'm like I don't know why. It's like a puppet.

Speaker 1: 32:13

I'm like puppet, puppet.

Speaker 2: 32:15

Yeah, I'm watching your puppets though, Then as a society, what happens is now everybody's chaotic because we don't have our strong ones being like okay, I hear you, have you considered we have. I don't like this. This makes me feel sad. I don't want you to feel sad and you're right, Like that's what's happening.

Speaker 1: 32:37

I'll do whatever you need to make you happy.

Speaker 2: 32:39

And what happens.

Speaker 1: 32:40

You're never happy.

Speaker 2: 32:41

It breaks down and creates just between a couple.

Speaker 1: 32:45

I'll sacrifice anything I can to make you happy. I don't know what I need to be happy, though. Yeah, I'll do anything for you, even not be me for you. Yes, well, that sounds great in the moment, but now I don't respect you for not being you anymore. Yes, because I don't know who I am anymore a hundred percent.

Speaker 2: 33:04

That's what's happening in society right now very fun. I like the puppets, yeah, I don't even know why I was doing that. It was like we need to get.

Speaker 1: 33:11

What's the last time mr rogers inspired. Yeah, marshall rosenberg. Yeah, we'll do the puppets that's true.

Speaker 2: 33:17

Yeah, I know, we don't even know where these came from we're doing.

Speaker 1: 33:21

We've never done. Guys, we can put little like eyes on here. They're like, hey guys, I'm really struggling today.

Speaker 2: 33:27

I'm like, and she said, no, I'm kidding.

Speaker 1: 33:30

But I want to know what's going on. Yeah, I'll put some eyes on my head, but I think too.

Speaker 2: 33:35

You know, danny said no constructive criticism allowed.

Speaker 1: 33:38

That's what's happening, because when you disagree, even in a relationship, you're judged, because it's different than what you want it to be, but you don't even know what you're doing. That's the tool of destruction. These days. This is where a lot of our armor training for people is just to be able to guard against the judgments of others, and people want to share their opinion, as though opinion now requires validation.

Speaker 2: 34:02

Yeah, it doesn't.

Speaker 1: 34:03

It does not. Because you have an opinion doesn't require everyone to agree or validate it. It's okay to have your opinion, but we don't have to change ourselves because you had one.

Speaker 2: 34:13

And I don't have to judge you because it's different.

Speaker 1: 34:15

And that's where people who don't know thyself and they don't hold their ground well enough will alter and sacrifice who they are because somebody has judged them and the judgment itself is making it so. People who are competent, strong and capable are sacrificing themselves so much that they don't know who they are anymore, and they're doing it to try to make somebody else happy. But the happiness that person requires is working on something within themselves, because unhappy people like you don't force them into happiness.

Speaker 2: 34:48

You can't sacrifice enough. Yeah.

Speaker 1: 34:51

You know, yeah, and so this is where holding your ground and giving that person the space to work through shit is far more beneficial than burning your house down so they can be warm for a minute.

Speaker 2: 35:01

Mm-hmm. Absolutely, yep, yeah, yep, yeah, I'm with you. I like to hear other people's opinions and observations too, mm-hmm.

Speaker 1: 35:11

Yeah, it's very rarely true. We have people disagree with us all the time.

Speaker 2: 35:14

Yeah, and I'll be honest with you, there's times where I'm like, no, I feel strongly in that I don't want anyone to like, I want to because most of my life I've spent with external validation, like that's what I've needed. And so, just you know, in the last I don't know, probably just year, really trying to be more authentic to who I am and not need that external validation, like it's okay to have my own opinions and hold strongly in those. Um, but I used to operate that way, like I wanted people to validate my opinions. If they didn't, that was okay, but I would probably shift to what it is that they wanted. So I wasn't really my mind wasn't strong, I was just kind of like a chameleon, you know.

Speaker 1: 35:55

Well, that would be part of the safety mechanism you're using. I'm leaning more into the people pleasers, the people who, like will compromise themselves to make other people's happy. It doesn't work you guys have noticed that a lot of times to people who have good hearts that want to help people but they're not doing well themselves, and so the way they get love is by helping everybody else. You're going to attract people who are takers. You're going to attract people who are takers, and so how many of you guys either you yourself or somebody you know who's just the biggest sweetheart in the world ended up in a very unhealthy relationship with somebody who, just you couldn't give them enough. You could do everything for them, and it's never enough, never good enough yeah and this is what I mean by the people pleasers.

Speaker 1: 36:49

I call it the negotiation style for fawning. It's more of a fawning technique for the bargaining system. This is the people who will attract people who need a lot, because if they need a lot, you can help them. If you can help them, that makes you needed. I need people who need a lot, so you don't leave me. Very important that I said it exactly that way. I need someone who needs a lot, yeah, so you don't leave me.

Speaker 2: 37:25

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 37:27

And when you have that dynamic, you realize you're creating a codependency based on your ability to fill a bottomless pit.

Speaker 2: 37:35

Yeah, a hundred percent. I agree with you, rio de Janeiro. You said people pleasers deal with resentment. Can I just ask you, don't answer this with you, rio de Janeiro, you said people pleasers deal with resentment. Can I just ask you, don't answer this, but can you tell me resentment of what other people? Where does the resentment come from? Resentment towards what Just don't answer?

Speaker 1: 37:51

it. Fair enough, baby, I'll let it go. Yeah, jesse, you have to. Yeah, I heard about. I talked to Jason. He telling me like man, something went wrong with Wheels for Warriors. I'd love to catch up with you and just see how you're doing, because I know that whole thing. Like the president had his thing, I'd love to be able to hear how you're doing, because I only know of, but I don't know, the full story. So obviously, you know Jason doesn't say negative things. We just said, hey, that happened, damn, and so I don't know. I'd love to hear what happened with you. Uh, cause I know that's a big loss. I know there's a lot of stuff going on with that, so I'd love to have your back.

Speaker 2: 38:34

Rio de Janeiro. So people please just put an extra work in the field. They don't. They don't deserve respect, praise or or loyalty People that know that someone different. So here's, at least in your experience, that's fair.

Speaker 1: 38:47

So here's something that I got to read it. People pleasers put in extra work and they feel like they're.

Speaker 2: 38:54

They don't deserve respect, praise or loyalty. They don't deserve respect, praise or loyalty.

Speaker 1: 38:58

You mean, they don't accept it when given. So people go. Thank you so much, but you're like no, no, no, no, no, please don't.

Speaker 2: 39:05

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 39:05

Because they feel unworthy of that praise.

Speaker 2: 39:07

Maybe Because I was asking where does the resentment come from, was my question. So this is one thing that I've found. I used to think that resentment because I was a people pleaser for a very long time I would become resentful of the people, right, oh, that person is everything's external, was external with me. So that person, I don't like them because they took advantage of me, right. Then, as you grow up, you learn oh shit, I actually resent myself because I allowed myself to give so much, to give so much and not catch it. And I think that throughout my growth journey, um, going back to self rather than putting it on everybody else is much more healing. It is the hardest to do but the most rewarding. Like forgiving other people is easy. Try, try forgiving yourself, shit, shit. Then the stories start coming and you're like, oh well, there was this one person.

Speaker 2: 40:13

Then I did this and, oh my gosh, well, catch yourself, because this is what I started to do the justifications the justifications, or I would be like, well, this is what they did, this is what they did, this is what they did. And I'm like hold on a second. What part did I play? And when you start putting it back on yourself and you only talk about the part you did the accountability piece your world will change.

Speaker 1: 40:36

Damn baby.

Speaker 2: 40:36

You're welcome. That's all I got for that.

Speaker 1: 40:39

Damn.

Speaker 2: 40:43

My girl's on fire tonight. Yeah, don't expect this much.

Speaker 1: 40:44

Okay, Don't expect it all the time You're crushing it, babe. All right, that was good.

Speaker 2: 40:49

How did I enable that? Yeah, and then going deeper, right. This is the kind of conversations we want to have in the women's group, Like how did I enable that?

Speaker 1: 40:55

That's accountability. And so, Daniel, you're actually on the right path, because accountability, authenticity and empathy are the hardest parts. If you start with the accountability challenge, you go. How did I enable that to happen? It actually is your path to get yourself into authenticity, which is very, very good. Good question, Danielle.

Speaker 2: 41:15

Jenna says people pleasing is trauma response. From what I understand I know. For me personally it makes sense. Feeling I was never enough forced me into a position of being everything for everyone. Here's the thing, too, on that Most people we've talked about the Enneagram before Most people as they're growing up, don't feel like they're good enough for some reason.

Speaker 1: 41:37

Everybody. I'm actually Jenna. I have a question. I'd love to meet you. By the way, you're on with us all the time. We love having you here. I have a theory that some of the terminology that we use to diagnose is actually part of the curse and so to say, I have a trauma response. I don't think that it's a trauma response. I think it's just the way that you try to get love. Don't call it a trauma response.

Speaker 1: 42:01

I'm just trying to figure out the best way to love somebody, and I'm using systems, because how many ways is there to do it wrong?

Speaker 1: 42:10

There's a lot of ways to do it wrong, and so we're just trying to figure out how do we do it right. But I think calling it a disability or a trauma response or diagnosis as an attachment disorder or something like this, it creates a curse within the curse, to make it so like I am someone with a trauma response instead of like I'm just trying to figure out the best way to love. And I feel like there's one way to say. It makes me feel like I'm a victim and the other way makes it feel like I'm still learning myself and that's okay. It's like failure is good. Where the other one is, I am failure, and maybe that's just me reading into. But I think that when people use trauma response, they use terms like I have a diagnosis of attachment disorder and things like this. When they start identifying as a diagnosis, they start to act accordingly and then justify behavior around why I treat you the way that I treat you. I have a trauma response.

Speaker 2: 43:11

No, you're just trying to love Right, and here's a perfect example of validating someone's label.

Speaker 1: 43:19

Agreed.

Speaker 2: 43:20

And when you give a different perspective and disagree, how it can change the story. That was like a perfect example. You didn't probably even know you were doing that.

Speaker 1: 43:31

So again, the CPTSD even working with people who are masters at NLP and other systems they don't call it PTSD. There's just stuff that we've been through and they don't call it disorder because you can rework that stuff. And I've beaten PTSD and I've got guys who we have soldiers and first responders, I've got police officers, you name it. We have beaten through this stuff. But when you give something an unbeatable and impossible to defeat diagnosis, it makes your identity the diagnosis. And this is something I watch out for, because today's modern therapists are trying to keep you locked in and not get you out of the therapy office.

Speaker 1: 44:18

I think these diagnoses create more curses than they do cures.

Speaker 2: 44:22

Yeah, I agreed.

Speaker 1: 44:24

And again, I'm happy to work with you on that. I'll show you because, like I had to beat it myself.

Speaker 2: 44:28

And again, it's hard though like it's hard in the society we live in, when we put the trust into people of authority our counselors, our psychologists that has a ton of letters behind them. Right, we look to them as the authority. We forget sometimes they're still humans, like they still are human beings. So it's okay to challenge those people. But that's where, sometimes, when you're getting validation from people that you consider to be the authority, and then you grip onto that and you're like that's going to be me, because my therapist said so, there is a part of you, at least for me, that I would be like, but I don't know if that's right. Have I really put in the work and done the work and I'm not saying this, is you Jenna at all, just in general, to really see if this is the case? Or have I just gotten that label, attached myself to this label, because everybody's been validating it for me? I clearly have this. Now I'm acting like this. So now everybody knows this is just how I am. Get someone that disagrees and see if things change.

Speaker 1: 45:35

And challenges you to try to work through by practicing things to make it so you know.

Speaker 2: 45:39

What are the tools? The tools are the tools. The tools are missing. The tools are missing and I will share this with you guys. I am seeing someone that I am talking to. She's a therapist and part of it was like, uh, I'll be honest with you, because he does a lot of, a lot of work. I was like I'm just curious, what are they showing these days? You know, and we were just talking today I'm like I feel like this lady has become more of my friend than she has my therapist and we've having these conversations where I'm OK with challenging her. She challenges me because that's why I picked her, because I wanted someone that was going to challenge, and you would be amazed at some of the things that are happening in the world of therapy right now. You'd be amazed.

Speaker 1: 46:27

I've seen therapists. I just talked to a guy this week where the therapist actually is breaking up a relationship that had a good chance. But she suggested don't talk to your husband anymore, don't share anything. And he's like a good dude. This isn't like an abusive guy, he's a good guy. So he's not beating her, he's not abusive to her, he's not doing shitty things Like this isn't a bad guy, this is a good guy. And the therapist suggested do not share with your husband, don't talk to him, and then suggested that she takes the kids, leaves a note, don't try to work through the marriage. And this guy was just he's just going through a tough patch, but he's not abusive, he's not cheating on her, he's not doing anything shitty, he's just working through something difficult in him and like he had to like change jobs and going through tough times. But he's a good guy.

Speaker 1: 47:16

And the therapist is ripping this marriage to shreds, hurting the children and doing terrible things. And it's a guy who's like I'll go to therapy, I'll do the work, I'll help out. What do you need? Let's team up, let's do it together. He's not one of those guys who's not willing. And this is the kind of thing where we're watching this behavior, where you should have a moral obligation to really look out for the best interest of people and not just push your own personal agenda. And this is why and I say this loudly to everyone you need to challenge everything especially your people, who are like your gurus, your psychologists, your philosophers, your fucking experts, your coaches.

Speaker 1: 48:05

everybody deserves to be challenged, and if you're talking to somebody who gets defensive, argumentative, starts posturing up, starts saying then fine, don't fucking work with me then, and starts getting triggered, you're not working with somebody who has the competency to truly be there for you 100 and you just hear stories, and stories, and stories, and that we're not.

Speaker 2: 48:28

There are some really good people out there the therapist of course right.

Speaker 1: 48:32

No different than really good human beings. New wave. It seems like it's more agenda than it is.

Speaker 2: 48:37

Truth be very careful and the same thing with. I mean, we've we've fought battles just within our kids' high school of teachers. This new way of thinking and I'm like not appropriate for school, take that shit down. Like we've had to have our own fights too, where we challenge. And guess what? When we challenge, they quickly realize, oh, these people are not going to give up, or they're like maybe that that isn't appropriate, but people will continue to do things as long as they're allowed to do them when no one questions it yeah, we make it a point to be formidable.

Speaker 2: 49:12

We're a problem yeah and I'm not. I'm a little bit of a problem when it comes to my kids and to him. I come, I can't do shit, but I'm very protective with my mouth. Like I'll talk a lot of shit, like oh yeah, I'm a problem.

Speaker 2: 49:24

I can't do nothing if he's not by my side, like when we go to the school board meetings, especially the tougher school board meetings, like I have to. Yeah, I have to have him next to me because I'm like there's, he gives me that set, no different than on here.

Speaker 1: 49:49

He gives me that sense of confidence, to be like I know he's got my back, even if he disagrees. You guys have seen it. Oh, oh, let me know. Yeah, well, baby, baby, I'm like what I gotta, I gotta speak my truth, I'm like now you're going in the weeds. Uh-huh, get back on track yeah but that's the thing with us is like she'll share and she's. She's got a good, powerful presence.

Speaker 2: 50:02

I'm a problem hey, people know like yeah.

Speaker 1: 50:05

I'm too smart and I'm also physically capable. I'm a problem, and so that makes it so. When we protect our children, we protect our pack. We look out for you guys. I'm a problem.

Speaker 2: 50:17

Yeah, I'm the person that's like I get too emotional. You know I'm the person that's like I get too emotional. You know I'm a woman so I get them when it comes to my kids or comes to him, like don't mess with me. But I get really emotional when it comes to my kids. I can get very like angry if someone wants to hurt them or just, you know, sad crying. Usually I'm just crying all the time when it comes to him or the girls.

Speaker 1: 50:44

People listen to you, though, when you cry.

Speaker 2: 50:48

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 50:49

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 50:51

I'm just kidding. So as long as I'm like should I be crying?

Speaker 1: 50:57

I'm just kidding.

Speaker 2: 50:58

She's six feet tall. Not many people know that. They're like, how tall are you? Six feet tall, six foot tall.

Speaker 1: 51:03

Yeah, she's our mama bear yeah yeah, she's got it. She, like I said, she's, she's imposing, she's strong, but, um, you know, she's definitely she's easier to challenge. Now, when we go out there and people want to debate, I'm a fucking problem because I'm smart, I'm capable, I'm educated and I'm also too strong to push around. Yeah, like I'm a problem. And so even when we'd be on sport, like those board meetings, they're like. I hear you, sir, absolutely.

Speaker 2: 51:32

Yeah, no, I've never thought. Six feet tall. Yeah, Six feet tall.

Speaker 1: 51:36

Yeah, she's taller than me. Yeah, he's a couple inches taller than me.

Speaker 2: 51:41

Yeah, yeah, I think I might be shrinking. The last time I was a doctor, like 5'11". I was like no way, really, I don't know, but six feet taller than six feet. I don't know where I was going with that.

Speaker 1: 51:52

I was about to say my whole life.

Speaker 2: 51:53

I'm like that's not even correct.

Speaker 1: 51:55

Now you're lying your adult life I guess this is a really good question.

Speaker 2: 52:00

Yes, he is an Enneagram 8. Let me rephrase he's a healthy Enneagram 8. Who asked that baby?

Speaker 1: 52:08

I don't see it, erin. I see Erin, enneagram 8. Oh yeah, I see you there, you are Erin. Yeah, I'm an 8.

Speaker 2: 52:21

She actually thinks she's a 3, and I think she's got a lot of three, but her two keeps showing. Yeah, I'm a three. I've operated as a three my entire life, but there's a strong twos in there. And for me the deciding point is, you know, and I think that's a little bit of that mama bear too I was talking to Gail last week and she's like I don't know if it's the eight, but it's also could be that you're just like that mama bear in you too, which a lot of moms have that. But yeah, he's a healthy eight. Eight's unhealthy Sociopaths oh my God, he's a healthy eight.

Speaker 1: 52:54

Let's rephrase that Listen, I've played with sociopath behavior and even the family I grew up in there's a lot of sociopath behavior.

Speaker 2: 53:03

And you're right, danny and a lot of people that take the Enneagram test. A lot of the tests are just not accurate. By the way, if you take it in the ready test, the price just went up to 20 bucks. By the way, they went from 12 to 20. Inflation's real, but anyway, bastards that take the test at first, sometimes, depending on their level of health, which most people are average, sometimes a little bit unhealthy.

Speaker 1: 53:28

You can mistype.

Speaker 2: 53:28

Well, yeah, we'll mistype, although type as their stress type.

Speaker 1: 53:32

Yep.

Speaker 2: 53:33

And so.

Speaker 1: 53:35

We had that with one of our couples. We're working with. He tested as a five, but then, once we broke through his stuff, he was an eight.

Speaker 2: 53:42

Yeah, he was just in his unhealthy. I was like when he's stressed yeah, he was very unhealthy, so he thought he was doing stuff that a five would do.

Speaker 1: 53:48

But then later on he's like I'm a fucking eight bro. So we had him like he broke out and his warrior is strong. His protector came out. He's looking after his people now.

Speaker 2: 53:58

Yeah, people now. Yeah, aaron, you would be really. He would be a really good person to connect with.

Speaker 1: 54:03

Just so you guys know, like we have a whole organization that we really do share. You can, Aaron, just jump in, go to the, go in. You can jump in with our guys for free and just get an idea if you want to do, because we do real training, we do real training Enneagram is you can do free stuff.

Speaker 2: 54:21

There's a lot of stuff out there. You can just Google it.

Speaker 1: 54:23

There's an Enio app and all kinds. There's a bunch of free ways to do this thing to look up your Enneagram. It just tells you your personality type. I use it as a tool whenever I'm training people, just to get an idea of who they are or what their desires or fears are. It also teaches me how to speak, and so if you're an eight, you're one of the people that I can cuss with and that feels like it's an authentic connection, and other ones I don't really have to go that hard with, and so it's just those kinds of things. But, aaron, come and hang out, man. Come and see what we really do, because these are the lives. This is us just hanging out with you guys, but you know, all right, I appreciate that. It's Shelby, I get to see her tomorrow.

Speaker 1: 55:01

Yeah, so she'll give me this. Beard's getting out of control, you guys can see. So Shelby's the one who makes this thing, not shoot all over the sides.

Speaker 2: 55:09

Thank you, shelby. So, thank you, shelby. I told him just not to have it pointy.

Speaker 1: 55:14

She didn't like the point. I'm like, I like it. It's Kratos.

Speaker 2: 55:17

Shelby, just don't make it too pointy, because then it inspires him to want to braid it. Shelby, don't do that to me.

Speaker 1: 55:21

Oh, I think it'll be badass Viking braid.

Speaker 2: 55:24

Shelby, don't listen to him. Tomorrow I'll take a Viking braid when he comes to see you. Shelby, just be like, can't do it, Can't validate.

Speaker 1: 55:31

That's what you want. Don't validate my emotions.

Speaker 2: 55:33

I hear you, but Andrea said no pointy beard. Shelby, don't listen to anybody else. I'm going to braid it, Shelby.

Speaker 1: 55:41

I know where you work, I will come in there and say don't do it.

Speaker 2: 55:46

His beard is glorious.

Speaker 1: 55:47

Thank you.

Speaker 2: 55:47

Joshua, he takes very good care of his beard. Have you used that new oil I gave you? I use it all the time baby, it's good, right, I like it for my hair too.

Speaker 1: 55:57

Yeah, anyway, yeah, this thing gets wild sometimes.

Speaker 2: 56:03

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 56:05

Yeah, she's got you.

Speaker 2: 56:06

Thank you, Shelby.

Speaker 1: 56:08

Not too pointy.

Speaker 2: 56:09

Remind me tomorrow. Shelby remind me. I'm saying this out loud and if he forgets, shelby just know I gave it to him. He'll bring you something tomorrow for you from me.

Speaker 1: 56:19

Oh, right on.

Speaker 2: 56:22

As long as you don't make his beard pointing, okay, I'll come be like go take it back. No, I'm just kidding.

Speaker 1: 56:27

I'm just kidding. Yeah, all right, thank you, don't forget, all right.

Speaker 2: 56:30

Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1: 56:33

Good night, danielle, it's good to see you.

Speaker 2: 56:36

Date night. We is kind of ending up being our date night because at the very beginning of the live, um, if you didn't watch it, go on youtube and back all the way up. I think it's a very important message that we shared tonight, um, about something that took place right before the live, and I think it's, uh, definitely worth going back and listening to. Um, we started it very differently than we normally do because we had a very different circumstance that took place tonight, right before the live. So, if you were not on for that, go to YouTube and rewind it or back it up, whatever you want to do.

Speaker 1: 57:14

Yeah, yeah, we were like seven years together, baby.

Speaker 2: 57:16

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 57:17

We've been together seven years now.

Speaker 2: 57:18

And I know you asked another question has it always been difficult for a therapeutic background? I don't have a therapeutic background, nor have I ever said that I do. I am very involved in the Enneagram. I love it. Yeah, she got her certifications in Enneagram. But I have a corporate job and work like crazy. But I've been on a very personal journey for myself, been in a couple of programs and really um I also have her do other.

Speaker 1: 57:45

She doesn't do my program like she does other programs, and so she's working on her own stuff. That's not me.

Speaker 2: 57:51

I don't coach her, no no, I share stuff with her, but she resists me, even if I'm correct and we learn together and we grow together and we'll share ideas. But yeah, he's not. The spouses can't be each other's coach. No, it doesn't work.

Speaker 1: 58:05

And like we've been through too much shit. It's kind of like if you find one of your buddies who becomes like a mental health coach, who used to do like coke lines off a urinal, you're like that guy. I remember when you were things where you know we've been through so much that I'm not trying to be her coach or therapist or expert I'll give her points to go like baby, that's the fastest way. If you're going to take it, take it. If you're not, you're not Like. But that's one of those things. Yeah, you knew Tony too. You knew Tony. Yeah, the coke lands off a urinal, we knew Tony.

Speaker 2: 58:41

Oh, you knew Tony. Yeah, the coke lands off a urinal. We knew Tony. Oh, I didn't know Tony. That's a joke, baby. Oh, I didn't get it, that's a joke.

Speaker 1: 58:46

Everybody knew fucking Tony.

Speaker 2: 58:48

Yeah, I didn't know that. Let's see there was a question. Oh, thanks, danny, so I'll share this with you guys too. So I you know. They say like what is it? The body follows the mind.

Speaker 1: 59:06

That's what I say.

Speaker 2: 59:07

I say your body is a reflection of the health of your mind 100% and I've been going like I've been trying to do personal development for a very long time. This goes back to even when I first met him. I was like saw Tony Robbins, whatever I would call that. Now, looking back, it was just like what I say is like meme therapy, like you know the good things to say, but you're not doing that shit. Like you know, like living my best life, you're not doing that shit. And so you know all the right things to say, but no one's doing that.

Speaker 2: 59:38

And and I joined a gym. So we also have the Facebook group, just a Mile a Day, which I've said that before, if you haven't joined you can join, but anyway, that really that was a little plug, but that really burnt me out from social media. And also like posting workouts every single day, like for years we did this and it burned me out. And I got in a point where I was like, okay, as I started going on this mind journey, I joined this new gym about 12 weeks next monday it'll be 12 weeks and yeah, isn't it crazy? Never have I ever I can do a mile like we used to post our miles every day. We got up to like 500 something days in a row. Fine, easy, no problem. Working out like really working out lifting weights, running, running. I freaking hate running. I started this 12 weeks ago. I weigh in again Monday, but so far I've lost 18 pounds. This is why I like this gym 18 pounds of fat gained, eight pounds of muscle.

Speaker 1: 1:00:39

I'm actually really happy she's measuring on the correct scale and not just a weight scale.

Speaker 2: 1:00:44

Yeah, cause that will mess your mind.

Speaker 1: 1:00:46

It messes her up.

Speaker 2: 1:00:47

Yeah, so anyway. So thank you, danny, for saying that yeah.

Speaker 1: 1:00:52

Also, we encourage people find your way. We don't train together because she doesn't like doing my type of workouts and she's doing something that I encourage her to have her own thing.

Speaker 2: 1:01:02

I also like to work out early in the morning and he something that, like I encourage her to have her own thing. I also like to work out early in the morning and he's like I sleep whenever.

Speaker 1: 1:01:07

Yeah, she wakes me up when she gets off of the gym. I work out in the middle of the day like that's my workouts yeah I need to be awake, but I do dangerous lifts. I lift heavy things yeah I can't like be half asleep and do some some of my lifts.

Speaker 2: 1:01:19

I'd kill myself yeah, you wouldn't, you're too.

Speaker 1: 1:01:22

I'd just be like I wasn't fully focused on that lift and just crush myself.

Speaker 2: 1:01:26

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 1:01:30

We're in Illinois, we're middle of the country.

Speaker 2: 1:01:34

Central.

Speaker 1: 1:01:35

Central time. This is good, you know what our show isn't. I watch action movie stuff. She hates most of the shit I watch.

Speaker 2: 1:01:50

What's up, Josh? Yeah.

Speaker 1: 1:01:52

I'm with you, Shelby. I grew up in Detroit, dude.

Speaker 2: 1:01:53

I like crime too. I like crime shows. I like Making a Murderer, I like all that stuff he does not. I don't like that shit.

Speaker 1: 1:02:00

I work with hurt people all the time. I'm not really. Yeah, I'm fascinated by what makes somebody tick like that, but a lot of those shows aren't about what makes it tick. It's more drama and I don't really care for that.

Speaker 2: 1:02:10

Yeah, I think it's because I don't have drama in my life. Sometimes I like to watch it, I don't know. But um, we don't. I don't really watch much tv at all, like we really don't. Movies here and there. You like anime stuff?

Speaker 1: 1:02:23

yeah, I do, I watch. I watch a lot of nerd stuff. I like psychological stuff, I like thriller stuff we're in northern illinois yeah, what's up stew? Yeah, you guys can give us like like again, we like meeting with our people like we really do real stuff we really do. We talk with our people. We burn ourselves. Sometimes we're just talking too much, but yeah yeah, christy, she knows I've nerded with Christy on some stuff.

Speaker 2: 1:02:46

Yeah, good job Ruth, keep us posted. I know we said last week.

Speaker 1: 1:02:50

Way to go girl.

Speaker 2: 1:02:50

But if we forget, fill us in and share in the women's group too. If you're in there, I want to share more about that.

Speaker 1: 1:02:59

She's in there she's in the women's group.

Speaker 2: 1:03:02

I think she joined last week Did she.

Speaker 1: 1:03:04

Like I said, she's always interacting with us. I'd love to be able to talk with her.

Speaker 2: 1:03:07

I like psychological shows too. I also like documentaries.

Speaker 1: 1:03:14

Thanks, Frank.

Speaker 2: 1:03:18

Anime for life. You got to send a hat and mustache.

Speaker 1: 1:03:21

That's cool. We don't really do a lot of this. We only do this once a week that we go live like this.

Speaker 2: 1:03:29

That's it.

Speaker 1: 1:03:29

Yeah, yeah, you're on today, baby. I'm very proud of you.

Speaker 2: 1:03:33

Thank you. Yeah, dan, it's like the women's group is growing, lincoln Bio it is growing.

Speaker 1: 1:03:43

Yeah, I meant to go on with you guys today. I ended up doing almost two hours with the guys today, so I didn't do the women's group today, but we'll probably do more, especially for the girls in, like the Sisterhood one.

Speaker 2: 1:03:53

No, it's the other one.

Speaker 1: 1:03:54

The real women one. Yeah, we want to get real. I think that's where. The solutions are out, I'm going to do some more stuff for that group. Yeah, I'm going to do some more stuff for that group, yeah.

Speaker 2: 1:04:06

Oh my gosh, you go to sleep watching crime shows. We watched what did we watch the other night and I was like I can't do that again.

Speaker 1: 1:04:15

It messed me like I couldn't sleep, Baby Driver.

Speaker 2: 1:04:17

Oh yeah, the Baby Driver. That was a good movie, but I was like Too intense for you. Yeah, she doesn't like the action stuff. I don't mind action, but like not right before I go to sleep.

Speaker 1: 1:04:31

Yeah, no, I watch, I like, I like watching, like the blow-up stuff and things go crazy. I'm okay with that. She doesn't do well with that. I can watch scary movies.

Speaker 2: 1:04:38

She doesn't watch scary movies danny said men are needy, just kidding. Kidding, just kidding. You sound like me, lol. Yeah, you're not a needy guy. I wouldn't consider you needy. I know she's kidding, but no, she's a good friend yeah.

Speaker 1: 1:04:54

No, it depends. Here's a fun fact. Actually, here's a fun fact when my guys here's a love language thing for you guys, almost all of my guys language thing for you guys, almost all of my guys we just something that we brought up we talked about this this week in the group is that we show love one way, but almost every guy that I have, almost every man, touch, is the receive. It makes sense Something to think about. Every guy will do acts of service or quality time or gift giving. They'll do something that they do, but the number one way that they receive was touch, like almost every guy was physical touch or words of affirmation, which is funny. That video we did, like what's the two most dangerous? Yeah, almost every guy is.

Speaker 1: 1:05:42

I just want her to appreciate me and touch me yeah I want to feel wanted and appreciated yeah and that one to receive for men, very important to know. Now, we don't show it that way all the time. Because we like to do things, we'll fix things or build things or do something, but but we love when you go.

Speaker 2: 1:06:03

That's my motherfucking man and you give them like some touch or some appreciation.

Speaker 1: 1:06:08

The appreciation and touch combo, that's dudes. Now, ladies, accountability challenge. How many of you hold back on that? Oh yeah, how many of you restrict?

Speaker 2: 1:06:26

Ladies, are you doing that?

Speaker 1: 1:06:27

No, this is no judgment.

Speaker 2: 1:06:28

No, I was just talking about the pulling back, yeah.

Speaker 1: 1:06:31

Yeah, something to be able to go like I show yeah there you go, meg.

Speaker 2: 1:06:35

Thanks for being honest. Yeah, I don't. My man is hot, sadly. Yeah, yeah, Good job being honest. Thank you Meg Good job.

Speaker 1: 1:06:56

Yeah, if you're withholding words of affirmation like I appreciate you so much and you're not touching your guy, you're missing his main receiving languages. Guys are very rarely gift receivers. We're very rare to be that we don't require you to do acts of service nearly as much we. Just we prefer to do that rather than you do that for us. We still appreciate it, but, like if you really want your guy to be like, damn, my girl's got me, you grab that dude up and go fuck, yeah, I got me, yeah, I got me a good one.

Speaker 1: 1:07:22

He'll be like I'm going to fucking organize the garage for you right now.

Speaker 2: 1:07:26

You want to see what else?

Speaker 1: 1:07:27

I can do yeah.

Speaker 2: 1:07:30

Both of our love languages is both touch. Mine didn't always used to be that, though.

Speaker 1: 1:07:34

Ours is quality time and touch. Yeah, it's quality time and touch yeah.

Speaker 2: 1:07:37

But we're usually always like we'll walk past each other in the house and you just know like someone's going to touch each other and if we don't, there's a quick correction. So like, if he walks past me and doesn't like touch me or like slap my butt or something, I'll be like, uh, let's try that again I'm like my hands are full. I'll be right back I'll like stick out my butt, or like stick it, you know.

Speaker 1: 1:07:59

Be like gotcha, you know anybody's been around us know that we we are, we touch a lot.

Speaker 2: 1:08:04

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 1:08:05

Yeah, phil, you know, like I'm always, I'm always touching on her.

Speaker 2: 1:08:08

Yeah, that's my baby, you're my baby. Yeah, show, show the men some love. And yeah, when's the last guy when? Here's the question for the ladies I don't care how long you've been in a relationship, but let's say maybe a couple of years, because I feel like that's when it kind of fizzles out for women to like greet their man at the door. But here's my challenge to the ladies When's the last time that your guys come home from work, or maybe just for being gone a significant amount of time? And what does that greeting look like when he comes through the door, is it? I can't wait to tell him all the things that he needs to do. I can't wait to tell him how frustrated I am that I was here all by myself, had to do it all by myself. What does that look like? Or is it like do you go up to him and give him a hug and a kiss and say I'm so glad you're home today?

Speaker 1: 1:09:07

I'm glad you're home, baby yeah.

Speaker 2: 1:09:10

I like it Good good.

Speaker 1: 1:09:12

That means the world to the guy. There's a lot of guys who I know, who, like wives, are really dropping the ball on this, where there's guys who have to sit in the driveway for a minute and just get ready Because they're like man. I know that as soon as I go in there it's not going to be positive.

Speaker 2: 1:09:28

But here's the thing that's easy. It's easy at the beginning, right when you're five.

Speaker 1: 1:09:33

I think there's more acceptance before there's ownership. That's my hypothesis. It seems like the more commitment a man gets, it seems like there's a more room to criticize. It's like the more safe you feel, the more you tear your dude down Less appreciation Because remember, look at the beginning of a relationship. Yeah, his hobbies, he could be a, he could be level 10 fucking call of duty with his buddies and he hangs out with his dudes all the time and he's working, but he's got his own place and it's a bachelor pad all the time.

Speaker 1: 1:10:04

And he's working, but he's got his own place and it's a bachelor pad. It's fucked, you know. So there's no pictures on the wall, it's very just. He's got a mattress on the floor. His couch is just two fold out chairs or, and one of them is an outdoor chair like it's you're like okay, I can see you can probably use a woman's touch here yeah but I appreciate you for who you are.

Speaker 1: 1:10:21

Your potential is high. You're a good dude, Like there's that thing, and then once you start moving in now you're like we need a couch here, let's get a box.

Speaker 2: 1:10:30

I think that's that's how we start Also the time Are they someone that I know Shelby has said. You know her guy was in the military. Very different because that's a very long time and you are. That's the excitement. You're excited to see someone when you're living day in and day out with somebody and it's becomes everything becomes routine. How do you keep the positive routines also going with the negative ones that now you've created too?

Speaker 1: 1:10:53

Yeah, yeah, it's just something there, but there's a how to win friends and influence people, as Dale Carnegie.

Speaker 2: 1:11:00

I have the book in there.

Speaker 1: 1:11:00

Yeah, and so one of the chapters that I really liked is greet people like a dog, and it doesn't mean like you're a bitch, it just means like when a dog you come home to your dog, your dog's like, yes, you're home. Yes, I'm so excited, you're home.

Speaker 2: 1:11:16

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 1:11:16

And like nobody's ever like man, fucking dogs are the worst. They're like that dude is happy as hell every time we walk in the door. My dogs are like hell yeah, my dog jumps and stuff. He's like Dad's home, he's jumping. He's jumping off the door. He's like hell yeah.

Speaker 2: 1:11:33

And that dog doesn't care how many other dogs are around or how many other kids are around, they still are like that's my guy, that's my lady, that's my owner, that's my guy, that's my lady, that's my owner, that's my person, they're home, they're home, it doesn't matter who else is in this house. They're still there. So I think their thing is right, with commitment to it also happens, naturally, when you have children, especially little ones, because they take a lot of time and your energy to also create that level of excitement too. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1: 1:12:06

Greet your dude like a dog. Be so excited he's home.

Speaker 2: 1:12:10

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 1: 1:12:10

Love on him as soon as he jumps in here and say I appreciate you for what you did today.

Speaker 2: 1:12:14

Even if it's been years since you've done it.

Speaker 1: 1:12:16

Yeah, make it weird.

Speaker 2: 1:12:18

Make it weird. Make it weird.

Speaker 1: 1:12:20

Get a new pattern and just go. You know, I'm really grateful that you're home today, and it's vulnerability, it's positive vulnerability to do that, by the way, yep, and you're going to have some guys that are like ah, whatever, whatever, whatever. Or be like are you drunk Right?

Speaker 2: 1:12:34

What are you doing?

Speaker 1: 1:12:35

Yeah, be like a little bit. Yeah, Drunk on love for you yeah like, like be weird.

Speaker 1: 1:12:46

I think there's a playfulness when you first started dating that people forget and um, show appreciation and show touch to your guy and you'll watch a guy who will pretty much do anything for you yeah and I'll put the challenge on the table for the guys, because I was looking at the love languages for all of my men and they were like we like to do things to show love, but to receive love was appreciation and, uh, touch and that was the two main things, like like be thankful and appreciative of what I do and want me you show and it doesn't always have to be intimacy, just go like yeah motherfucking dude yeah, if you do that, you'll have a guy who's like man.

Speaker 1: 1:13:22

I feel I'll do anything for her. Yeah, you gotta remember, inside of us boys is that thing that wants to impress our girl, and if you get impressed by the things that we do, we'll do more. It's true. That's part of how we work. There's a little, there's a steward inside of us that's like look what I can do, look what I can do Like I built this, I built this, I fixed that, you know that kind of thing yeah.

Speaker 2: 1:13:44

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 1:13:44

Yeah, good call. Hell yeah, daniel, later, buck, I'll see you tomorrow, bud. Speaking of which, yeah, I got to go. We got to hop off of here too, but appreciate you guys. Thank you guys for hanging with us on a Wednesday night, and I want to just encourage everybody.

Speaker 2: 1:14:00

if you didn't watch the beginning part of the live, it was a little emotional from my side, but take a moment and go back and watch it on YouTube. It gives you a better idea of what it is that we do. This means nothing compared to the story that I shared earlier in the night.

Speaker 1: 1:14:16

Yeah, our real story. And, Jared, if you're still here with me, buddy, I'm seeing you in the morning. I'm looking forward to hanging out with you more. So, to all our warriors out there, go ahead and do some fucking hard things, do some awesome stuff. Love on your people, protect your pack and be good to each other, and I will see you guys next Wednesday when we're on. I love you guys interacting with us, and if you guys disagree, I love it even more because it makes us so we all have an opportunity to grow, so challenge your gurus. Shelby, I'll see you tomorrow. I guess we have a gift for you.

Speaker 2: 1:14:47

Yeah, I'll send them something for you.

Speaker 1: 1:14:49

And then, yeah, for the rest of you guys. We'll see you guys next week. So thank you guys. So much, all right, good night, everybody, good night. All right, let's see if we can shut these down.