130. The Magic of Surrender with Kute Blackson

What if breaking free from self-limiting beliefs could transform your entire life? Join us as we sit down with Kute Blackson, transformational teacher and bestselling author of "You Are The One" and "The Magic of Surrender." Kute takes us on a profound journey to unearth our true selves buried beneath layers of societal conditioning and self-imposed restrictions. He reveals how the world we see mirrors our collective consciousness and underscores the necessity of individual self-transformation in creating broader societal shifts. We also delve into the balancing act of navigating the polarities of our dualistic world, emphasizing the critical role of personal integrity, alignment, and peace.

Throughout our conversation, Kute guides us through the process of breaking free from self-limiting beliefs and the chaos spawned by societal expectations, particularly for perfectionists. He shares powerful insights on the importance of self-accountability, letting go of control, and embracing interconnectedness for both personal and global healing. Kute helps us understand the journey from pure, unconditioned beings at birth to the contracted individuals shaped by childhood experiences and societal pressures. By facing uncomfortable truths and repressed emotions, we can embark on a transformative path toward self-awareness and honesty.

In the latter part of the episode, we cover a wide range of topics, including misconceptions around addiction and the balance of masculine and feminine energies. Kute emphasizes the strength that comes from emotional balance and the importance of surrendering to a higher vision. Through personal stories and historical examples, we illustrate how surrendering control can lead to remarkable personal growth and fulfillment. Kute also shares his own inspiring journey of self-discovery, from renouncing a predestined path to embracing an uncertain yet determined pursuit of authenticity and purpose. Tune in to gain profound insights and practical wisdom for your own transformational journey.

Connect with Kute Blackson HERE! 

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:10

All right, what's up, warriors, welcome back to the Warrior's Way Mindset with the Battlefield of the Mind. I'm back with Coot Blackson. We get to do this once again, redo. I may even put the beginning of the last episode up at the end of this episode. So we got about 15 minutes in and then my daughter had a car accident and we had to call it. But, coot, you were on fire that day, so I'm'm gonna probably just put that at the end of this episode so they can see what happened until that happened and that way they can catch up on your story, where you came from, your mom, your dad, all that stuff. Yeah, that means we could just jump in to say who are you real quick, and then let's like I got some fun stuff for you. I want to do some deep stuff. Let let's go, man.

Speaker 2: 0:52

All right so let them know that the elevator picture to to uh bestselling books. You are the one the magic of surrender. The last 22 years I've been transforming people's lives from around the world as a transformational teacher. I don't really coach people. I uncoach people from the patterns of conditioning that we all build up so that they can reconnect with their true, authentic selves and share their gifts for the world. So that's what I do One-on-one, small groups, large groups, you name it.

Speaker 1: 1:23

I love that. You just said I uncoach people. Yeah, yeah, that seems accurate. You know you were trained incorrectly, and there's only two kinds of people I found You're either trained or you're untrained, like you either know what to do or you don't know what to do. You either can or you cannot, and so I love that. You say I uncoach people. I want to do a fun game with you. Sure, coop Blackson, we got to save the world.

Speaker 1: 1:47

What is, the first thing that you would do is like this is where people are goofed up the most, and if you got your three wishes, we got to save the world. If I could help people get rid of this thing, that's where I'm starting. What would you start with? If you're like all right, this is the biggest problem, I see, where would you begin?

Speaker 2: 2:04

You know we have to save the world, but here's what we have to understand the world that we see out here is a mirror manifestation of the collective consciousness of all of us combined. The world that we see out here is a reflection of you, me and all of us. The world out here reflects to you your own consciousness, your own state of consciousness, and so, essentially, there really is no world out here, there's just the world out here. That's a projection of you. And so, if you really want to change the world, save the world, impact the world. It's not just about going into the world and protesting, going into the world and making new laws, going into the world and changing things out here, because the leaders we see presidents, mayors, ceos the leaders we see reflect who we are. And so if we really want a new world, a new humanity, a new society, we have to be willing to change ourselves. So I would ask each and every person to stop for a second, to breathe, to step back, look at the world and ask themselves what does the world reflect to you about yourself? What do the leaders reflect to you about yourself? People might say, oh, that person's full of shit, that person's a liar, that person doesn't have integrity. I would ask you, well, where do you lie? Where do you withhold? Where do you betray yourself? Where are you not in alignment right? And so I think, when we can look at the world and own our own projections, where do you drop bombs of self-hatred inside of your own consciousness? Where is there a war inside of you? Because many of us, we're at war inside of ourselves and we're not even conscious, we're not even aware. We have so much internal conflict and we wonder why we're not at peace. So if we want peace in the world but there's no peace inside of us, there will never be peace in the world. If there's not peace inside of us, the world is us. And so I think, if we really want to change you may not be able to change the government and society and certain systems, but what we can all do is change ourself to be more compassionate, to be more loving, to be more honoring, to recognize the innate sacredness and divinity of our own being. What we can do is we want peace in the world, but we won't pick up the phone and forgive our brother and sister. But how in the hell are we going to have peace in the world, you know, in Ukraine and Russia and Sudan and Somalia and parts of the world, if we won't even just forgive our neighbor. And so we have to be willing to take responsibility for our world and start with ourselves. And I think, when we can do, when I can do my part and you can do your part and that person can do their part, then we change our world and, as a result, we shift the fabric of consciousness of the entire planet. And that's where I think the world changes. But the way I see it, man is, you know. So that's step one change yourself first, bring yourself into integrity, alignment first. That will impact humanity.

Speaker 2: 5:08

The second thing is, I would say I think it's important that we understand the nature of the world. We live in a three-dimensional human experience. It's the 3D, it is the realm of, let's say, limitation. We live in a world of interdependent and polaric opposites, meaning that it's plus, minus, up, down, yin, yang, positive, negative, good, bad, good, evil, fat, thin, rich, poor. It's physics, it's duality. We live in a realm of duality, and so when I look at that, I don't really look to the world for perfection, I don't look to the world to be some perfect utopia. This dimension, I don't think, is really meant to be some infinite bliss utopia. It is a realm of duality, it's a realm of limitation. We are souls and we incarnate into this human experience in order to learn, to grow, to evolve as infinite beings. We incarnate into this limited dimension not to be limited but to remember, to awaken to, to tap into our true, unlimited, infinite nature and so to become masters in limitation, to realize who we truly are, as infinite beings, as consciousness, as spirit, as energy. And so there is no perfection at the level of the personality. There is no perfection at the level of the personality. There is no perfection at the level of the world.

Speaker 2: 6:34

So I would tell people, stop looking for perfection out here and instead connect with the spiritual soul, essence, consciousness. That transcendental dimension of your own being as source within the kingdom of heaven is within you. It doesn't say the kingdom of heaven is a Lamborghini and a Ferrari and the White House in a mountaintop is within you, right? It doesn't say the kingdom of heaven is a Lamborghini and a Ferrari and the White House in a mountaintop is within you. And so most of us, we're looking for some utopian perfection out here. It doesn't exist out here. The world is constantly changing, the world is full of challenges, the world is full of imperfections, so on some level, the world will always be messy, because this is the nature of the 3D realm of duality.

Speaker 2: 7:12

And so I think when we can understand that, we stop resisting it and when we can connect to our spiritual practice, our meditation, our yoga, our prayer, our contemplation time, when we can connect with our own nature as divine, as pure essence, as freedom, as freedom itself, then I think it transforms how we go into the world, because when we connect at that level, we remember who we really are. Oh, I'm not just this body, I'm not just this physical 3D body that is born and then dies. And so much of the world and society and media has no investment in you knowing who you really are. So much of advertising and religion and church and media and pharmaceutical companies are constantly trying to distract you from who you are so that you can forget who you are. Because if you're disconnected from your true essence and your true power, you will live in fear. You can be controlled, you can be easily manipulated, but when you know who you are as source, when you know who you truly are, you will live in fear. You can be controlled, you can be easily manipulated.

Speaker 2: 8:18

But when you know who you are as source, when you know who you truly are, then I think the beauty is, if I know who I am, then I know who you are, because at the deepest level we are one, and oneness is the inherent recognition you can say.

Speaker 2: 8:27

Love, rather, is the inherent recognition of our true oneness. And here's the thing talk about saving the world. If I know who I am, as energy, as spirit, and I know who you are is also energy and spirit, even though on the surface we look a bit different, but the same consciousness, the same life force, the same spirit is functioning you, it's functioning me, it's functioning all humanity. If I can realize that, then I realize we are not actually separate. We are one. And if we are one, then how can I harm you, how can I wage war against you, how can I truly harm someone else that really isn't someone else? That is an expression of myself. And so I think when we realize who we are, we tap into a deeper sense of oneness, which evokes a deeper sense of love, and from that place the world changes. That's what I would say to start the conversation.

Speaker 1: 10:15

How we change the world. I got multiple pieces on this one. Of course, I got step one. I'm trying to break it down very simply. You have accountability In order to save you. You have to save you from you, so save yourself from yourself.

Speaker 1: 10:31

This means one thing I've gotten into is one of the biggest fears I've noticed in working with people means to come to the acceptance of the truth. People really struggle with reality, and truth I've noticed it's one of the denial is the part that most people are jammed up in, especially when it comes to addiction or, you know, self-loathing or all these things. It always starts with this thing is I can't accept what is and you talked about the how do we stop wars that war with ourselves or the war with what is that? Step one the accountability and responsibility of saving you from you and your world's a reflection. I like that thing that you said the world is a mirror of us and it seems correct. Why am I getting all these things? It's because you're reflecting your shit back at you. That's why you get it. I agree. Well done, yeah, yeah. Number two I put this into.

Speaker 1: 11:20

You went to multiple pieces here. I put under control because you said believe that, like the, the limits that we have on this unlimited spirit, this unlimited element of ourselves, we are an unlimited essence, but we create limits, or we have limits placed upon us that we agree to believe. To People say you can't do that, you're not good enough, you're too stupid, you're too fat, you're too skinny, your skin color, your race, your gender, your whatever you can't because. And they create a limit on an unlimited being. And then we believe it, we accept it and then, once we do that, now we can no longer be us. We try to control everything. Hence the perfectionism that you talked about, which I've noticed that perfectionists tend to create the most chaos. I don't know if you've noticed that too. People who try to make everything just right seem to get the angriest when it's not just right, creating the most wrath and anger and hatred and chaos for it not being the way they think it should be.

Speaker 1: 12:20

By letting that, go to know thyself and find thy oneness, you said you come to the acceptance element of. We are connected. It has nothing to do with all of these other limits or the physical element or whatever the things are is. We are all in this together and you and I are the same. We just create all of these polarizations to make it seem like we're not. But we are one. And going into accountability Yep, but we are one. And going into accountability. Letting go of control of things that are not yours to control, accepting thyself as your oneness and working in on acceptance gives you the path to be able to not only save the world, but save the world around you, just as a reflection of your knowing thyself. Did I paraphrase it well enough? Yeah, yeah, in essence for sure.

Speaker 1: 13:13

I'm trying to cliff note it as best I can. So that's like because I go the simplicity route and I like that a lot. Now, when it comes to the parts where people get jammed up on, I go deep into the grieving element, the control systems that are connected to it, even fear, doubt, excuses and distractions. I find all of these are correlated. Now, when you're working in on somebody to find where are people jammed up the most and trying to figure themselves out what are some of the obstacles that you've overcome, that you could really help people to go. Start here so you can start that journey to find thyself what is your best way.

Speaker 2: 13:46

Yes, there's a few things I would say in terms of talking about start here. Well, first, we are all conditioned. Let's just start there, just to provide a bit of a framework for how the problems begin, because we are born as children. We are born free. If you look at a child, we're in touch with our essence. You can look into a child's eyes and I think there is a reason that we all melt around a beautiful baby, because they're in touch with the unconditioned essence of the pureness of their being. They're in touch with the divine. A child is free.

Speaker 2: 14:25

A child will jump on a table and sing, and they don't care if they don't sound like Bruno Mars. A child will jump on a table naked and just dance. There's no self-consciousness and fear and what do you think? And they're just being pure energy expressing itself. And we were all that once, like I have a beautiful one-year-old, 13 months, and I'm like we were all like this once.

Speaker 2: 14:47

So what the hell happened to us where we got all contracted and mean and acted evil and acted all weird. And so if we were all that once, we incarnated into this human experience pure energy and we met our parents and God bless them. Our parents were doing the best that they knew how to do, based on their childhood and their upbringing and their conditioning, and maybe there was pain, maybe there was hurt, maybe there was trauma, maybe there was abuse, maybe there was neglect or some kind of dysfunction. So now, as these pure beings, we're born into a human framework, we meet our parents, who are human and imperfect, and maybe there's divorce, maybe there's neglect, maybe there's abandonment. And so two things happen as these pure beings First, we learn all sorts of strategies, unconsciously, to disconnect and not feel and, as a result, we suppress our emotions and our feelings and we feel pain, the pain of being neglected, the pain of being hurt, the pain of being hit, the pain of divorce, the pain of being abandoned, and that hurts. And so we suppress our feelings and suppress, suppress, suppress, suppress.

Speaker 2: 15:51

And, before you know it, throughout our years, layers and layers and layers of unfelt, unprocessed emotion and feeling build up over time, covering up the fullness, the truth of our light, and that light that we are, that we all feel inside doesn't express, because now our heart is closed, our heart is shut, we've suppressed ourselves To just function and survive. It's a survival mechanism. And so the truth of who we are gets buried underneath layers and layers and layers and layers and layers of protection mechanisms and unfelt emotion. And so we lie to ourselves about what we feel I don't care, I don't care that, that wasn't right, it didn't hurt me. And now we've become numb and we've become disconnected. So essentially we're kind of lying to ourselves about what we feel. We're in denial. We don't even know what we feel anymore.

Speaker 2: 16:41

Then we learn all sorts of strategies to go into the world and then we contort ourselves to become who we think we need to be in order for mom and dad and caretakers to love us. Oh, who do I need to be? Oh, I'll be nice, I'll be kind, I'll be sweet. Oh, I'll be the good boy, I'll get all A's. Who do you want me to be, mom and dad?

Speaker 2: 17:01

And so we look to our caregivers to get love, validation and approval, contorting ourselves into a shape, a conditioned pattern, shape of a version of ourselves that we hold on to so tightly, thinking that who we become is who we are, not, realizing that who we become is really a conditioned pattern from our childhood to get love, validation and approval. And the degree to which we hold on to the conditioning is the degree to which we are not free, and most of us we think we have free will, but we don't have free will. We are being run by unconscious programs that have been installed by society, by religion, by media, by social media, by advertisers, by parents, by grandparents, media by advertisers, by parents by grandparents, family systems and even sort of unresolved, unresolved karmic, unresolved energy that has passed down through generations that we are playing out, some of those energies and curses and impulses, so to speak. So now here we are thinking oh, this is who I am, but we don't even know that who we are is not who we are. It's just a conditioned set of patterns that we're holding onto and identifying as that sense of identity that we hold onto as ourself. This is ego, that's what we call. Ego is the sense of identification, and so most of us aren't even aware that we're not free From that woundedness, from that conditioned nature, from holding on to those false beliefs I'm not enough, I'm not worthy, I'm not lovable. Men are this way, life is this way, god is this way, universe is this way. Now we go out into the world and we create life From that limited condition, prison of a persona. We create life, we choose partners, we get married based on that, often unconsciously recreating experiences from our childhood, and we don't even know, we just think that we're living life. And so, until we become conscious and aware, first we have to become conscious and aware that we are conditioned. That's number one, because many times people say no, no, no, no.

Speaker 2: 19:11

I'll give you a scenario just to make it simple. Right, I had a client many years ago. Let me simplify the story. He came to me his wife was my client first, and then he came to me because he saw the deep transformation in his wife. And here was a guy, a strong man, when I met him, but but he was very shy, at least that's what he would say. He goes I'm just shy, and my wife is the outgoing person. And this is a man who, for 35 years of the marriage, was hiding behind his wife and she would do all the talking because he would tell me I'm just shy, I just like being the behind the scenes person. And when I looked at him, I said to him hey, you're full of shit, you're lying, you're lying, you don't even know. You're lying because you are a lion that is acting like a mouse. It's a long story short.

Speaker 2: 19:59

When I worked with him, we started to uncover layers of his condition. And in my work with him, in my deep work with him, I asked him some questions and what he realized was he started crying one day in the session with me. And what he realized is he says Kud, I haven't cried. I'm 55 years old. I haven't cried since I was five. He goes. I just had this memory, this awareness that when I was five years old, my uncle sexually molested me. He goes. I didn't even know this, I didn't even have any recollection until now. My uncle sexually molested me and he said what I realize now and what he came to was as a five-year-old.

Speaker 2: 20:36

He was this bright, outgoing, radiant, being full of life, and this bad thing happened. Something that should not have happened happened and unconsciously that triggered something inside of him where this abuse happened, right when he made up in his mind it's not safe to be seen when I'm seen, bad things happen, and so, as a result of self-protection, the ego's job is to protect you, to make sure what happened doesn't happen again. He started hiding because if you can't see me, then you can't hurt me. So he became shy. Shy was a conditioned response. He started hiding, he started not speaking up, he started not owning his voice, because if I'm in the background and no one can really see me, then nobody can hurt me. As, as a result and this became his entire life married a woman who was loved, being outgoing, and he could just be in the background and can't see me. You can't hurt me. And so this wasn't who he was, it was just who he was conditioned to be.

Speaker 2: 21:41

So first we have to acknowledge that we are conditioned. Then we have to start looking at how was I conditioned? What were the experiences that happened in my life that contributed to me being conditioned? Number three, then we have to be willing to, shall we say, feel some of the suppressed pain that we have buried so deeply that the mechanism and the version and the persona that we've learned to become is a compensation for trying to cover that up and not feel that. So if we're willing to feel the pain that we've learned to suppress, then we no longer have to be the version of ourselves that we've learned to become, to not feel the pain. That's how we can start releasing some of our limitations. So we have to be willing to go through a process of actually feeling the pain and so conditioning awareness, feeling. But we also here's another thing I would say practically that people can do to begin the process of healing, you have to be willing to tell yourself the truth.

Speaker 2: 22:49

One of the things that keeps us stuck are all of the lies that we tell ourselves. We stay in relationships that we hate, we say yes when we mean no, we work jobs that we hate. But the truth is deep down, we know, we know, and so there is no real transformation without truth. There is no real healing without truth. There is no real healing without truth. There is no real freedom without truth. You can't shift and change something unless you tell yourself the truth about where you are at.

Speaker 2: 23:17

And that might sound like something, so I'd invite people to start asking themselves the questions what lies do I tell myself? What am I pretending to not know? What is it costing me? Because the ego will play this game of I'm confused, I don't know, I'm not sure, as a self-protection mechanism when, deep down, we know, and so if we can start with the truth, to me the truth is real therapy, it's real spiritual practice, it's real meditation, and the truth might sound like you know I hate my job. Tell yourself the truth. Might sound like you know I hate my job. Tell yourself the truth.

Speaker 2: 23:54

Now, what I will tell people is take the pressure off of yourself from having to even take any action so you don't have to leave your job. Like you don't have to break up. Like I am not in love with my wife and their relationship is not working. It can be scary to acknowledge that if you've been together for 10 years, 20 years, five years, three years, 30 years, you've invested so much time. It's like who am I going to be? What will happen?

Speaker 2: 24:13

And so often the fear of the consequence disconnects us or stops us from telling the truth, which then keeps us stuck doing what we've always been doing and nothing changes. So if we can say, okay, I'm going to take the pressure off of myself from having to do anything, let me just acknowledge I'm going to take the pressure off of myself from having to do anything. Let me just acknowledge I'm not in love anymore. Let me just acknowledge I have a problem with alcohol. No judgment, but just tell the truth. It's the truth that sets you free. It's only when you tell the truth that you can shift it. Then you can start feeling some of the feelings that come up as a result of telling the truth and move through that. So I think if we can just start there, it's a beginning. If all we did was began to tell the truth about who we are and what we felt, movement, healing, transformation would start happening.

Speaker 1: 24:58

I think it's awesome we're speaking the same language but we say it in a different dialect. Do you mind if I show you a really cool tool to help people with what you just did? Go for it. All right, you're going to like this. This is a. This is what I call my map, and I've run this by a lot of people, so I do want you to have your, your critical eye on so you can say can I use this or not? Use this? Okay?

Speaker 1: 25:22

Now what you just described right here is where our belief system is the core, where everything starts. Everything starts with our belief system, our values, our feelings. We can even argue, we can start with love, but let's go with the basics, for right now, in the psychology world, our beliefs are the brain system. Everything starts and ends with the brain system. Now, what you are talking about is a system when you're going through your feelings into loss, and your loss is a system where people are jammed up so you talked about the people are conditioned where we start off free and then we start becoming something different, which becomes our armor or our prison to be accepted, to be loved, and instead of being completely accepted, we are measured by the people who train us parents, teachers, the people around us who reject us, shape us, judge us, the opinions of others, in which case we start to lose our freedom and lose who we are. This goes into this sucker right here denial. We start denying what we are. That's that suppression system that you just talked about. Well, the suppression will lead to expression. So first I have to push down my authenticity and who I am to be accepted and belonged by you Meaning. Then, from denial, I have to go into compromising myself. So then I'll go into that law system of bargaining. Who do I need to be so that you approve of me? I need to change what I am. So what can I give you so that way you like me more, or you love me, or you approve of me. So I will start changing myself to match what it is you have been judging me to be Now. Then you said we have to go into the next part, after we've gone into changing me to be something different the mask I wear, the makeup I wear, the style I am, the car I drive, the swagger I have, whatever persona I create to be loved, approved and accepted of from anybody, whether it be good grades or big muscles, it doesn't matter what it is. I will change me to be loved.

Speaker 1: 27:25

Well, if you start denying these elements of ourselves anger and sadness it's going to start manifesting in a way where we do anything except for go into acceptance, meaning most of what we're dealing with is a loss system all the way around. Now, you're not wrong. The loss system is directly connected to your feelings, and you talked about, then you got to go through the feelings, but what, what? The thing with feelings, though, is it's the most vulnerable place for us. That's the way that your fear, your excuses, your doubt and your distractions get a free pass to come in here, because we live and die by our beliefs, but our beliefs are easily changed by our feelings, and so let's go ahead and see. You got all these different elements. Well, if these are getting tricked in with our fears of what could happen, our imagination and creativity system is triggering our emotions to make us believe that we should run away or we should quit, or we can't do it, then you've got your excuses system, which is linked to the anger element. Do you know how you can tell? Challenge somebody's excuses for absolute truth. They'll get defensive, and you'll know the doubts that come in through the motivation of what I believe that I could do. Wouldn't that be great? And no, you can't. That's stupid, it's not going to work. We'll make you feel a certain way to go to your belief system, which goes to the goal system. Of course, that's all linked into the sadness, shame and depression element. And then you talked about the one the most, and I'm going to stick on this guy because this is where you were at for most of what you just said.

Speaker 1: 28:57

Denial is one of the nastiest pieces on here because it makes it so I don't have to deal with the other ones. Denial is protection and what I do for the denial element is since I do not want to be hurt anymore by the people around me the parents, the teachers, the coaches, the bosses, the spouses. I don't want to be hurt anymore. I will deny my feelings, my humanity, my spirit. I will put limits on me. I'll have all these things. I change about me, I will deny who I am, but that is pushing down the pain. And so, since I pushed down pain, it invites one of the enemies within this guy right here to come on in.

Speaker 1: 29:41

And so the distractions come in through feeling good. Distractions are positive. This could be, like you know, online shopping, or playing video games, or alcohol, or drugs, or pornography or attention. Whatever your drug of choice is, it's going to make you feel good. Why do I need to feel good? Because the war with what is in truth makes me feel bad, and since I feel bad, I don't want to feel bad. I want to feel good, so I'm going to do anything at any cost to feel good.

Speaker 1: 30:15

If you look at the combination of denial plus distractions, which is protection plus fun, well, denial plus distractions is the recipe for addiction, and so your feelings that made you feel bad, that you've been suppressing for so long, go into your belief system of what I am, based on something I don't want to deal with. So I will create a version of me that hides all of the bad stuff, denies any authenticity, any accountability, any truth. I will do anything to feel good from that bad feeling and create a persona that you will approve of, which makes me then call it my identity. This is who and what I am. This is a blueprint of what you were just talking about, and I show people this to be able to say where are you stuck Now here's where most people get it wrong.

Speaker 1: 31:09

They start with identity, saying well, your identity is that you are an alcoholic and that's why you're an alcoholic. No, you are an alcoholic because you're told. You are an alcoholic because you feel really bad and are distracting yourself from something that you do not want to talk about. Mm-hmm, you aren't stuck in identity issues, you're stuck in your loss system. But once you realize that I can stop lying to me, go in and have training against the conditioning that I was taught that I am bad, I am wrong, I am not worthy all of these things that I have to hide from, once I get rid of the thing I've been denying, work through the sadness, the anger and no longer tell myself make-believe stories to bargain my way through it and have true and total acceptance mind, body, heart and soul. Once I accept what is, I no longer feel bad about it, which means I no longer need to distract from pain that isn't hurting anymore, so I don't need the vice that was getting me away from feeling bad, which means my belief system of I am an alcoholic is unnecessary because my identity is no longer associated to a pain.

Speaker 1: 32:21

I couldn't accept Meaning that if you try and change an alcoholic's identity by calling him an alcoholic like they do in AA, he will still be fighting alcohol and not fighting the pain that made him need to drink. Every man I have helped break out of alcohol addiction or people who have addiction issues, once I get them out of the loss that they were avoiding, they no longer need to get rid of the pain that isn't there, and now I'm no longer Rick the alcoholic. I'm Rick, a guy who used to cope through drinking, who doesn't anymore yes, beautiful. And so this is a really cool tool that I would hope that I'll send it to you if you want, because people who know how this works you can go where are you jammed and this is all part of my new book that's coming out Like. I will show you where you're stuck and the way that you just explain.

Speaker 1: 33:16

Explain the guy who was molested when he was a child. He had suppressed himself so completely when he was a kid as a protection mechanism. He was bargaining his way through life by creating a persona to keep himself safe and hidden that he completely shut off all of the emotions, especially sadness, and probably had massive shame around, anger, which meant he's not allowed to be human and will hide behind a parental figure to keep him safe, which, like you said, that's a lion posing as a mouse so that people don't hold him accountability to lionship. And so here he is with an entire belief system around I am whatever I'm trying to hide myself to be. If you get rid of the thing, let's go in and take your power back, not as a five-year-old, but as you. Now we can save little you and protect little you, like you always needed to be protected. And you take your power back, changing the way you feel about the interaction, which changes your belief system that I need to hide to be safe when you do not.

Speaker 1: 34:23

So I just wanted to show you a piece of something that, like here's how I saw what you were saying and maybe that's a cool tool for the future. Like, okay, this is how I can show where did you get stuck. So that way, all the teaching that you just said is accurate, but now they can go. Let me follow what Coot's saying step by step. That's pretty helpful. So I just wanted to share that with you, if that's like a cool way of how did I interpret the stories that you just said, where most people are stuck in loss, when people think it's identity which is fun way to just go. Hey, we've all just said the same thing. We're aggressively agreeing in different ways. So I appreciate the way that you break this stuff down and I really enjoy that. You have found the same things too. I love that.

Speaker 1: 35:12

Truth is one of the ones that you go into and you brought it up multiple times. That truth is at the core. It sets you free. But I will say it is the longest lesson for people to work through, people for some reason. And I will say I've noticed as far as the polarization I'm not a polarization coach, I don't go into that world. I acknowledge it exists Masculine, feminine, that is a thing.

Speaker 1: 35:38

But I have noticed also correlations with the men. The denial element they're jammed up in most is feeling and humanity. They have a hard time connecting to the surrender. What you keep talking about for heart and humanity. They have a hard time connecting to the surrender. What you keep talking about for heart and soul. They have to suppress and that makes them express generally in anger, which, for you ladies, if you don't know why your guy's so angry, well, we're not allowed to cry, so anger is how we cry, and so we will express anger because we push all of our sadness into anger. It's the only false confidence that we can walk around with. You don't fuck with the angry guy, but you do fuck with the crybaby. So we, at least, will push it into that direction.

Speaker 1: 36:16

For my men, feelings seem to be the hardest thing for them to go truth-wise. Can you open up and be vulnerable feelings-wise? Now, that's masculine side. The feminine side is the truth and reality. It's really hard for them to grab it because there's a lot of fear around being inadequate or not measuring up or being compared to, and so the truth and reality makes me feel bad, because most women or in the feminine energy, has been compared to someone else and feels like they don't measure up since the moment they are told to wear makeup. So, with those elements, I've seen the pattern of. I'm wondering if you've seen those patterns too. What have you seen when it comes to the masculine energy being able to open up the spirit, open up the heart to be able to accept the love of themselves for the love of others, and then the feminine energy of not being stuck in comparison all the time and being able to find acceptance in their accountability, authenticity, to even work towards an empathy towards themselves, let alone to others.

Speaker 2: 37:21

Can you clarify your?

Speaker 1: 37:22

question have you seen the battle between truth for the feminines and be able to see the battle of feelings and humanity for the masculine?

Speaker 2: 37:31

yeah, I mean I. I would just simply say that, in so many ways in this human experience, as men we've been conditioned and taught to not feel, uh, to suppress our feelings, to suppress our emotions. But the truth is, any form of suppression, what what we suppress, will find a way to express, often in unhealthy ways, right. And so, as men, we've been conditioned, as a generalization, to not feel right and and so women tend to there tends to be more of a space for the feminine to feel, as the feminine is naturally more free, flowing feeling. But I think we have to be willing, as men, to understand our feelings, to connect with our feelings, but also, you know, not get lost to those feelings. And I think it's it's the relationship with the feelings that are important more than anything else. And so a man that can stay connected to his strength, his unshakability, his, his, his unchanging nature, his, his drive for freedom, whilst connecting to his heart, becomes actually a truly powerful man. Powerful man, a truly strong man, a true warrior, so to speak, because a man that is connected to his heart. It takes real strength to connect to your heart and feel your feelings and not collapse into them, and not get lost to them and not be controlled by them, right than to just suppress them. You know, I'll give an example for myself.

Speaker 2: 39:12

When my mother passed away in 2017, it was tremendously painful. When she passed away, there was a tremendous grief that arose and I had to allow myself to feel the tremendous grief. And you know, as a man, we're often not taught how to feel grief and nurture the grief and acknowledge that part of ourselves. But I think it takes a tremendous strength to feel. So I allowed myself to feel and I would have these moments of just allowing myself to feel, and I would have these moments of just allowing myself to feel the deeper layers of sadness and grief in my heart. And what that was for me was there was a profound heartbreak. It was like I allowed my heart to break, but what I found as a man was in allowing my heart to break was in allowing my heart to break. My heart broke, but it was like my heart's current capacity to hold feeling, my heart's current capacity to love, my heart's current capacity broke open, and it wasn't that I was broken, but my heart's limitation broke open. And in that feeling, in the fullness of the feeling, there was more love. My capacity to love was even more and, strangely, as a result of my willing to feel and allow the heartbreak to break me open, there was a deeper strength as a man. There was a deeper strength as a man. There was a deeper power as a man, because once you let your heart break and you realize that your heart can't be broken and you're still standing, there's a deeper strength that arises from realizing your heart can't be broken than constantly trying to resist the heartbreak because you're afraid. And to me that's the power that came, as a man I would say, from really embracing my feelings.

Speaker 2: 41:12

But I would say it is important for us as men, as masculine energies, to not just get lost to the emotion and whatever arises. Oh, I just feel like ice cream, I just feel like cocaine, I just feel like sleeping with another woman that's not my wife. I just feel like because feelings are fleeting. So we have to realize that you are not your emotion and you are not your feelings and then, as a masculine being, you're able to hold the space for the feminine, to be the natural feminine being, as, as light, as energy, as feeling that she is. And many times here's something I would tell men many times.

Speaker 2: 41:54

Uh, a woman, your woman, will test you many times. She will test you and it will feel like she's pushing and poking and prodding and almost trying to collapse you. But it's not that she's trying to collapse you. So if you succumb and collapse just to the momentary fleeting frustration that you're feeling, she will lose trust in you, because what she's really trying to do is she's trying to sort of push and collapse you so that she can feel the unshakable strength of your being. She wants to feel your uncollapsible nature and strength of your masculine energy that is able to not simply react to her feeling or moments, and then she can relax and into her feminine nature and trust you. And so I think there's a great gift that we do provide the feminine in our ability to not just be run by our feelings, but we have to find a healthy way to feel our feelings at the same time.

Speaker 1: 43:10

There's two. Those are two different parts and I really liked the concept that you just did about the way that we are trained not to feel, and this is where I agree very much. I just did a call with the guys this morning where they were more they would be more okay with somebody coming into your house with intent to do harm because they can kick that guy's ass or they've got guns or whatever they can protect. I'm more okay with being in a fist fight with another capable human than going in and checking out my feelings. I'd rather fight with one arm behind my back before I go in and go into my feelings and be vulnerable and be open.

Speaker 2: 43:51

It's safer on one level, because the vulnerability of the feelings is a bit scary, right.

Speaker 1: 43:58

And this is where I said well, if we're going to be warriors here, warriors go and do hard battles. Now, here you are saying that, the physical one that doesn't seem as scary. Battles Now, here you are saying that, the physical one that doesn't seem as scary. Well, if the one with your feelings is the scarier one.

Speaker 2: 44:15

Wouldn't it take more courage to go?

Speaker 1: 44:16

and fight your feelings. I think it takes tremendous courage to yeah. So let's go do some warrior shit and go do the scary battle. What's in your heart? Let's go check it out. You're like, oh shit, can I just fight somebody? I'm like, let's go and see what you're fighting in here. That's where warriors go, we go with the hard fights, and so that's where it was very cool that you said, yeah, but my heart may be broken, and you know honor to your mother and honor to the stuff that you've had to go through that you said I allowed my heart to break, but very interesting the way you broke down when I broke my heart to break, but very interesting the way you broke down when I broke my heart. When it heals, it's bigger, and when it breaks again, it heals, but it's bigger. And when it breaks again, it heals, but it's got more space and I can.

Speaker 2: 44:58

And when we, as when you know that your heart can't be broken. That's the real strength, that's the real power, like if you're a warrior let's just even take it on a physical level you know, if you've been knocked down, you know and and and you've, you've gotten up from being out for the count and you've gotten up and you've won then there's a whole, nother level of internal strength that comes from that than never having been knocked down and a bit afraid of being knocked down, like like you know that you can come back and rise again. And that's the strength I'm talking about.

Speaker 1: 45:37

Well, we learn far more experience from loss than we do from winning, yes, and so having your heart broken will show you who you really are, far more than having everything just work in your favor For sure. And so, yeah, that's a very that's a very cool way to say I have learned who I am and learned the space that I have in my heart of what my capacity is, because I had the courage to go in there and allow it to be broken so I can make more space to accept love. That's that's really cool method to be able to use that, and I think that's a very awesome way to say it. I'm I'm stealing that, by the way.

Speaker 1: 46:12

That's very very good, I'm going to let my heart get broken so it makes more room. Yeah, brilliant. Now I want to go into the shit test. The shit test is a good one to talk about, and I've come to the same conclusion with the shit test. Now I have it very simply said that women will test you because they need to know they're safe.

Speaker 2: 46:30

Yes, yes, yes.

Speaker 2: 46:43

And you said well, if you crumble under the please the matriarch and do anything that she says and, yes, dear mentality, she'll lose trust in her safety, in you, because you don't have the courage to be disagreeable. I would say you don't have the courage to live in the integrity of your truth. And if you just do what she says to please her, if it's not in alignment with your truth, then even though she'll be superficially happy in her soul, she won't trust you because she'll know that her mood and she'll know that she can throw you off your own integrity.

Speaker 2: 47:09

So it's not just I'm not going to do what she said, just because she said it, it's it's it's.

Speaker 2: 47:15

It's it's a because sometimes the feminine has deep intuition and insight into multiple dimensions that we as men don't, and many times she feels things before we even feel them, and so allowing yourself to feel and be guided by your woman in a certain way is also a profound gift that she gifts you. But she's not telling you what to do, she's just presenting you with different perspectives that we as men may not have on an energetic, emotional level, and to feel that, if it resonates with your truth, that's the key.

Speaker 1: 47:54

That sounds beautiful but I don't know if a shit test is as necessary to be a good team, and so these shit tests seem to be a part of where it's like. I need to make sure that I can trust you enough to give you that connection piece that you just explained, and we have to pass those tests originally. Now, you're right, clarification is necessary when I say disagreeableness, not just being defiant to be defiant and saying no just to say no. But if I truly don't agree that's what's best I have the courage to hold the line and say well, sure, I hear and understand you, but I'm still going to lead this way and I take accountability if it goes wrong. I've got you, I hear what you're saying, but I don't think that's the best way to do it For sure.

Speaker 2: 48:38

And I would I mean not to get onto men and women and that, but I would say a woman should not be with a man she doesn't trust to direct or guide her. If you don't trust your masculine partner to guide you in such a way, don't be with him, because you'll never truly relax into your innate feminine nature anyway. They'll go back to experience, yeah, and you will experience a internal contraction, you know, throughout the relationship.

Speaker 1: 49:15

We won't have the safety you need, and so you have to create the safety. And that's why you see women when the guy goes, yes, dear, and they go, you know what? I'll just do it myself, because now I know you won't hold your line against me. How do?

Speaker 2: 49:29

I know you won't hold your line against me.

Speaker 1: 49:30

How do I know you'll hold the line against things to hurt me? Yeah, it's well said. You're right and I'm not trying to get too much. I don't do polarity stuff. I'm not a relationship coach. I heal men, right. I work with women, but I mostly work in the man's department, so I love this department here to go.

Speaker 1: 49:43

Are you able to hold the line and be disagreeable in a way that you can stoically respond instead of emotionally react to her shit test? I need to know I'm safe with you and go baby, hey, stop, I got you, you're safe. We don't have to shit test right now. Do you even know what you need? Slow down, I'm not going to react because you made noises today. What do you need, hon? And I got you.

Speaker 1: 50:11

I think that one thing with my girl and I, we've gone through enough shit tests that she knows I'll hold my line and so she feels very safe and it's very rare I have to encounter a shit test these days because we've done enough. Where she goes, I know you got me, yeah, and I hope my guys can take a little bit away from like wait, so don't just do everything. She says happy wife, happy life. No, it's happy spouse, happy house. You're a team, but you got to know which part you have to hold. Now I love the way you explain that and, like this, it's just a big piece for the guys there to say to have the courage to go into your fields. Now what do you think about the guys? Cause we have a lot of untrained men and untrained women out there, conditioned poorly not to respond very well to what would be perceived as weakness, right, and so if a guy says, all right coot, all right Rick, I hear you guys. So I just go to my girl and just open up all my stuff to her. That's what I do. Yeah, it's not going to work, right, because she's not trained to be able to take an unload from you.

Speaker 1: 51:16

Yeah, this is where I would say men need men, and I mean that in two different ways. Men need men because I got gotta have somebody I bounce with, I compete with, I share with, I shoot basketball with, I work on the car with, I can vent to, I can bounce ideas with. But then men need men, men who stand for things, have high values, not be a high value man. You've seen that like six foot tall, six figures, six, six pack, and you're like those are superficial.

Speaker 1: 51:47

Where's his honor, loyalty, dignity, integrity, provide, preside, you know, lead, where's all of the elements of himself that is going to be there no matter what and has his priorities in order. He protects his pack and he's he's truthful and open. You know he has a vision, has a mission, has a dream and he's going for it. He's bringing you with him like guy with many values, not just tall or has money, and so, in which case we're looking at well, how do we train our guys to be able to still do their unload, but their ladies aren't made for the venting element. Now, have you also seen that if a guy's like coot, I'm gonna go ahead and just tell her all my shit. I'm gonna cry all over her. I I'm going to let all my stuff I'm going to.

Speaker 2: 52:29

You know, look, I think, to be honest, there might be a moment for that right, but I wouldn't say as a consistent common theme, because we're human beings and so I don't really believe in it should be this way, it should be that way all the time. There's something profound that can happen in a moment if a man breaks down and falls apart and his woman is there for him. But I would not advise him to be like everything, something's up, go to this woman and cry, because everything we talked about it just blows everything up. In that sense it doesn't create the safety. But should it happen, there are moments where it took a lot of courage for me to fall apart and have my woman hold me, and it was profoundly healing and it was profoundly transformational for us in feeling held by the feminine and also, in a different kind of way, knowing that she had my back as a feminine being, no matter what the fuck happened, whether we had to live in a tent, whether we had to live homeless, whether we were going to be on the beach. I'm like this girl is coming with me to the grave, you know. And so that was a profound experience where, as a man, I fell apart and she just loved me through it.

Speaker 2: 54:01

Now it's not a daily thing that happens. Or I go with every fleeting emotion, hold me no, and so what I don't want is guys get into like guys have to be this way, has to be that way. I mean, I think there's principles and there's essences, but I think if we hold onto it too tightly we become rigid in a certain identification, right, and so I think it's the relationship with that that's more important. So, yes, I would advise men right to have a strong community of men that see you, love you, hold you, that you can process with, and I would advise men to, however that looks, deepen your connection with the divine, because on a human, personal power, ego level, there's only so much you can do and handle, and there comes a moment when, as a man, when you surrender and connect to the divine source of life God, the universe, whatever, I don't care what people believe access it in your own way, but when you access more than just your own ego's capacity, you tap into another dimension of life, another dimension of power, another dimension of strength, another dimension of resilience that is beyond your human capacity, and that's where I think, as men, real greatness emerges where you're not just serving your own self and your own need and your own emotion, but you're opening to divine energy and inspiration moving through you and another dimension of strength that you can draw from, beyond just your own and the human level. And I think that, as men, is what's powerful.

Speaker 2: 55:50

And so I would say, yes, the community of men, your connection with the divine, to me that is key, because when you connect to source the divine, it requires that you, as a man, cultivate a spiritual practice where you are transcending yourself, because it's in transcending yourself through your spiritual practice that you are connecting to the dimension of yourself that is free, is freedom itself. And when you connect to the dimension of yourself that is that is free, then whatever the fuck is going on in the world the world can be blowing here and blowing there and the waves but you're connected to an unshakable source of energy, divine energy. That is the dimension of yourself that is not changing, that is not beyond emotion, beyond fear, and when your strength comes from that deeper source, it shifts things, you know, it transforms things, and I think that's what I would encourage. You know, that's what I would encourage.

Speaker 1: 56:59

I found it in like the yin-yang, like I know that it seems more like the polarization element. But you talked about having the men's community where you can work through things, bounce stuff off and then be able to, you know, to do hard things, to work out together, fix the car, to play basketball, do something where you interact with each other. That's mind and body. Here's tactics and strategy and we're doing action right. But then you said no, connect to the divine. Now we go to the other side. Heart and spirit have reverse rules. This is one thing that I was drawn to when I was looking through your information, as I learned that the word surrender on mind and body side is bad. That's loose.

Speaker 2: 57:34

That's failing, that's giving up. That's not good you will lose.

Speaker 1: 57:38

I never surrender, I'll never give up, I'll never lose, I always fight. But when you go into the faith element and you believe in something, it makes it so you no longer have to control everything and being able to say God, I will give it to you. And I found my purpose when I did the surrender also.

Speaker 2: 57:57

That's where the power comes. That's where the real power comes. You look at even Jesus, jesus would say it's not I, limited I, that does the work, it is the Father that does the work through me. And if you look at any great human, great man Jesus, buddha, gandhi, mother Teresa, mandela, martin Luther King at some point you know they all surrendered themselves in their own way. They all surrendered themselves to that deeper vision. They all surrendered themselves to that deeper vision. They all surrendered themselves to life and God or the divine, whatever label they put and in that surrender they transcended their human limitations. They tapped into another dimension of life. And that's when life used them, that's when God used them, that's when the universe flowed through them and manifested through them in ways that they could not have done on their own, they could not have done with the limited human physical power. It was beyond them.

Speaker 2: 58:57

I think that's when we tap into another dimension of grace, and grace flows. And as men, you know, as men, we are often very driven by making shit happen and will and intention and and manifesting, and it's great. But you can only go so far that way. There comes a moment, as a man, where you reach the end of your own ego's capacity to make shit happen, and that ending is really a new beginning into a whole, nother dimension of life, and that's the real power. That's the real power as a I don't want to say a superman, right, but the super adds to your man. And when the super adds to your man and when the super adds to your man, that's when greatness is unlocked and unleashed, because then you are in service to, uh, a vision, a mission, a possibility that is far greater than yourself. That's when you're used by life.

Speaker 2: 1:00:02

It's when you find your bar and I think, and I think in a strange way, that's when women will trust you even more, because she knows that you're not just following, just making money, building my business, doing this, buying a Ferrari, da-da-da-da-da-da, just for the sake of it. She knows that you are now. You transcended your own limited human ego survival desires, and there's something bigger that you'll surrender to survival desires, and there's something bigger that you'll surrender to so so, so. It's going to be much easier for her to surrender to that direction when she feels it's not just about you, correct?

Speaker 1: 1:00:37

really well said and it's very true. The surrender element makes you 10 times stronger on the spirit side and it works the same way heart side too. I think that people forget it's not force in love, it's fall in love. The reason it's fall, alan Watts would say it's the fall because you let go. You fall into faith that my heart will be able to grow in love and connect with yours. I don't force you to do so, and the same thing with God.

Speaker 1: 1:01:05

I had to give my mountains of pain. I did all the psychology, I did all the philosophies, I did all the work. I organized and diagnosed. I had it all in its perspective, little Ben's, but it was still a mountain of Tupperware Ben's, diagnosed with all these traumas and pains and hurts. And it wasn't until I said you know what, god, there's something that I'm missing and I surrender it. You can take my mountain and it worked. That blew my mind Because you'd think it was going to be something that in my ego that I can control this. I can defeat it on my own, I can do it myself, but once you surrender on spirit side, your mind and body side get a 10x boost. You'd never think that's the real 10x.

Speaker 2: 1:01:50

That's the real power. You know, we have this misconception that surrender is weak, that surrender is giving up, that surrender is waving the white flag, that surrender is for sissies, that surrender if you surrender, you won't manifest your goals, dreams and desires. If you surrender, you're going to get less. I'm actually saying no. If you surrendered, what if you got more? More than you could have planned, more than you could have even imagined with the limitedness of your human imagination? What if it was better and more and beyond? So to me, surrender is the most powerful thing that we can do. Surrender is the key to true manifestation and the real password to freedom. In fact, surrender is a death. It's a death of who you thought you were, and it takes tremendous courage to die to the limited identity and open to the infinite, to the bigger identity. And I think that's the process of life. We are all in a process of surrender. I mean, let's, let's, let's give the guys an example. Okay, you talk about surrender because some guys might be yeah, surrender that's just for the girls, that's for the you know, the yogis in the mountains. Guys, please listen.

Speaker 2: 1:03:00

I want you guys to imagine your most beautiful sexual experience. Let's get raw for a moment. Forget all this spiritual stuff. Imagine your beautiful sexual experience. Let's get raw for a moment. Forget all this spiritual woo-woo stuff. Imagine your beautiful sexual experience, orgasmic. It was beautiful. You're with your lady, it was just lights were flowing. It doesn't have to be the best one, I mean, hey, I don't know if there's a bad one, but just a lovely one, right?

Speaker 2: 1:03:22

Imagine a beautiful sexual encounter. Just, you were lovemaking and the energy was flowing and it was ecstatic. What made it ecstatic? Did you come to the bedroom with an entire sort of laptop of a plan of how it was going to go? Well, okay, honey, we're going to make love for exactly 44 minutes and, minute one, you're going to kiss me this way, then you're going to turn around at 94 degrees and then I'm going to kiss you that way. Then, minute two, minute two, we're going to do this. And you had your entire lovemaking experience scripted. Hell, no, that would be painful. What made it so beautiful, blissful, was you surrender, you let go. You let go to something. And something more came through you both, and that letting go, you as a personal sense of self, ego, identity, dissolved in the lovemaking experience. You weren't there. In the orgasm, you died and you weren't there. You were free of yourself, and that was what was blissful. That's surrender. Imagine if you lived life that way. It takes courage, but I promise you it's worth it.

Speaker 1: 1:04:36

It's a very good way to explain a climax for life, yes, but even the idea of let go and stop being in control of everything, that's still a courageous moment for surrender. I very much agree with you. My life changed completely years ago when I did this, and so it'd be hard to argue against you when I found the same results that you're talking about. You know, even before I heard of you, I also have found the same thing, which just validates Coot Blackson is damn well correct here. I found the same thing on my journey, and he is right. If you let go of controlling everything, give it to a higher power, give it to God, the universe or whatever you give it to, you are not the center of all things anymore. Allow the old ego, you that controls everything, to die and you emerge the phoenix that's allowed to express the energy in an authentic way. And this goes heart side. You just spoke of the emotional connection, of even orgasm or intimacy. That's surrender. Stop trying to tell your partner who they're allowed to be and enjoy them and appreciate them for the elements that they are, and you'll find connection. Now both sides do need to be doing this. So many people are like see honey. See what they said. You need to do it right. That's the mirror, that it's you Like. Slow down, telling your partners that you're the accountability parole officer for them you've got your own work, they've got their own work and then encourage and accept and love each other for working on yourselves, to let go of controlling everyone else. Yeah, it's powerful stuff, man.

Speaker 1: 1:06:22

Coop blackson is correct. I love it, man. I is um, what has been like? Let's just, let's just give you a really cool thing here, cause you got some cool stuff coming up. What has been what you would say like the best part of your year? You've been having a good handful of years here. It's been a really good year. What's the best part of your year so far?

Speaker 2: 1:06:48

So far. Oh, I would say it's, it's, it's. It's been an intense year. It's been a powerful year. Honestly, the best part of the year is is seeing my son grow and uh, incredible blessing. He's almost a year. He's 13 months old now and seeing him grow it's the best parts of my day. Seeing him grow, seeing come alive the feeling, the connection with him and seeing the connection in his eyes that we have together. It trumps everything. Honestly, in terms of anything I've achieved, done, it's like it's the best part. You know, it's the most meaningful part. It's been a huge blessing for me. So I would say that, and and the growth that has come from being his father, that's awesome man.

Speaker 1: 1:07:30

For people who act like us guys are just a bunch of robots walking around. We are natural givers and big lovers, man, and for you to go like my boy is the best part, my kid, that fills up, it fills me up and I'm with you, man, we have three girls and you see, you already know we just went through some drama here, putting putting in perspective the beauty of the people that we have in our lives. It really does tone down the selfishness and the greed and the ambition and the accomplishments and the achievements and the strengths and the controls of all the things. When you just take a second and go, did you notice the blip in life right now? That's temporary. It's happening just for this second.

Speaker 1: 1:08:15

He's only going to be this age, for this day. You know this only happens for such a short time and because it's not supposed to last and because it's so short, that's what makes it so beautiful. You're in the middle of it right now and most of us are skipping our blips in the moment and missing what true happiness is because we're trying to control the next minute. Yeah, yeah, and like honor to you to go like, if I just have presence in the present, I get to watch these minutes that my kid has when he will never be this age again and I get to be here a part of it.

Speaker 1: 1:08:46

And it's fantastic this age again and I get to be here a part of it and it's fantastic. Pretty awesome man. Well done Kud Blackson. You got some cool stuff coming up.

Speaker 2: 1:08:57

How the heck can people plug into the stuff that you've got coming up? Simple man, I've loved the interview, so thank you for the opportunity. I would say get the book the Magic of Surrender Amazon, wherever you want to get it. It's simply written and provides a roadmap. The second thing I would say I would say one of the most powerful things I do, one of the most transformational experiences that I offer.

Speaker 2: 1:09:18

I've done this for 13 years. This is my last year doing this particular experience. I'll do others, but this is my last year doing this. It's one of the things I'm known for. It's a 12-day experiential seminar, training without walls, in Bali, and it's called Boundless Bliss, the Bali Breakthrough Experience. I've done this for twice a year.

Speaker 2: 1:09:38

For the last 13 years, we've done 23 events in Bali and they're radical, they're healing, they're transformative and we've had people from all walks of life come on it Billionaires, celebrities, entrepreneurs, some folks you would have heard and we dive deep. It's unlike any experience in Bali, any experience on the planet, to be honest, and so if you're someone in your life where you're at the stage where you feel as though you've been put on the planet for a purpose bigger than yourself and you feel ready for that next level. You feel ready to heal and transform and connect with your power and share your gifts with the world. This December the 5th through the 16th, that's 5 through 1 6, we're doing what will probably be the final event that I do in Bali, and so you can find out more wwwboundlessblissbalicom. That's boundlessbliss balicom. That's boundless bliss balicom. Go to the website, watch the video, apply for an interview and we'll go from there. And uh, yeah, my podcast, soul talk, and my instagram is cute blackson, keep blackson on all social media channels been such an honor, brother.

Speaker 1: 1:10:44

I appreciate you so much for coming on here, click all all the things, hit all the stuff, subscribe to all the stuff and see you guys in Bali. Coot Blackson, I appreciate you so much, man, thank you. Thank you All right, welcome back, warriors. This is Rick from the Battlefield of the Mind and I'm here today with Coot Blackson, and if you don't know who that is, he is the author of Magic of Surrender, and you are the one. But, coot, you've been doing speaking events everywhere and I think I just wanted to give people your own introduction. Go ahead and fire off Like who the heck are you, and let's get started.

Speaker 2: 1:11:24

Who am I man? That is the ultimate question right From millennia. Who am I? I'm everything and nothing.

Speaker 2: 1:11:33

I was born in Ghana, west Africa. My father's from Ghana, my mother's Japanese. I grew up in London, I live in the US and that's why I say I'm all of it. Young age I didn't feel like I fit in anywhere and I didn't feel black, I didn't feel Japanese, I didn't feel British. And so I think it was a blessing, because it forced me, as a young boy, to go deep inside, to question my own sense of identity. And it forced me, as a young boy, to go inside to really connect to a deeper sense of identity, of this, the real essence of who I am, you know, beyond the body. And so it started a journey as a kid, a spiritual journey. I didn't know it was a spiritual journey, but it started a spiritual journey of self-inquiry as a young kid.

Speaker 2: 1:12:20

My first memories too as a young boy I remember seeing a crippled woman crawling on the floor. She picks up the gravel that this man walks on, wipes it on her face and stands up. Week after week, I grew up seeing blind people see and deaf people hear, and people stand up out of wheelchairs. The same man whose gravel she picked up would look at a person in a wheelchair and say, hey, why are you in this wheelchair? Stand up. And she would say I haven't walked in 10 years. And he would say haven't walked in 10 years. And and he would say well, do you believe? Yeah, I do. Then stand up and a miracle um, people were coming with crutches. This man was my father. He was considered the miracle man of ghana, miracle man of west africa, um, and he built 300 churches in ghana, a huge church in london, aj. I started speaking in my father's churches.

Speaker 2: 1:13:06

14, I was ordained as a minister, given the mandate to be my father's successor. Long story short, 18, I left everything behind, uh, renounced the church, renounced my father's sort of my father's vision for my life, and I felt a different calling. You know, I think, when your soul guides you, or when your soul calls you, it's not always, it doesn't always make sense to your mind, it's not always convenient, because your soul doesn't really care about convenience. Your soul cares about evolution, your soul doesn't care about comfort, your soul cares about growth. And your soul has its own intention and its own trajectory. And so, for me, I felt my soul calling me to America, and the reason, I would say, is because as a young boy, I would sneak into my father's office where he had probably 1000 self help spiritual books on Eastern mysticism, western Louise Hay, wayne Dyer, deepak Chopra, marianne Williamson, to the Oshos and Krishnamurtis of the world, and from age eight I started devouring these books, and so by the time I was 18, I read probably 800 books in the field of psychology, spirituality, but a lot of the modern living authors Jim Rohn, tony Robbins, marianne, louise Hay they lived in Southern California Deepak Chopra and so I wanted to come and meet these people and I had a vision of going into this field and writing books and inspiring people.

Speaker 2: 1:14:33

I would sneak in to my father's church in the middle of the night with the lights off, in the pitch darkness, as an 11, 12-year-old kid for an hour or two every night and I would give seminars to the empty chairs, imagining I was speaking to thousands of people in an auditorium, and this was my training. But when I turned 18, I knew what I had to do. I tried for the longest time because my life was set out for me. My life was scripted for me by my father and he was iconic and I think, like many of us, as young men, we idolize our father and I idolized him. So to go against my father's wishes was akin to death, felt like I was killing my father. But I really believe that every man, in order to become a man and own his power, felt like I was killing my father. But I really believe that every man, in order to become a man and own his power, in a sense, must metaphorically kill his father to reclaim his own self and his own power as a man. And so I tried everything I could to fit myself into a box, to be who I thought he wanted me to be, to be who I thought the world wanted me to be, to be who I thought society wanted me to be, to be who I thought the world wanted me to be, to be who I thought society wanted me to be. And I became miserable in the process, depressed in the process.

Speaker 2: 1:15:54

So when I turned 18 and I saw this vision of going to America, it was so clear, but it didn't make sense. I mean, I had no money, no university degree, no college degree, knew no one in America, no skills other than preaching in my father's church, not a great recipe for a future as a young man, and no family support, didn't come from a very wealthy family. All I had was the support of my mother. But when I looked into my future, I realized I had a choice to follow the expected path. But when I looked at the expected path, all I saw was pain. I could be successful by the world standards, fulfill my father's wishes for me, but if I didn't have myself, if I didn't have my integrity, if I didn't have my truth, what the fuck do I have? I have nothing, and what kind of success is that? And so the pain of that also made it crystal clear. Success is that, and so the pain of that also made it crystal clear.

Speaker 2: 1:16:53

And that's when, at 18, a pivotal moment for me as a man of becoming a man was having the conversation with my father and letting go of everything and leaving everything behind, and my father and I we didn't speak for two years, which was another monumental experience. But I knew what I had to do and there was a part of me that was willing to completely be responsible for my actions and responsible for my life. And so that's when I grew up, you know, and grew some balls and grew up and said I will never compromise my soul in my life and that's guided me. And so, long story short, I ended up winning a green card in the green card lottery, literally, and came to America 18 years old, as green as can be, ripe around, you know, ripe as green as can be, but just so innocent in a certain way. You know, with understanding how life works, but full of drive and determination to fulfill a destiny that I didn't even know what it was.

Speaker 2: 1:17:58

I just felt like something was driving me and landed in the US two suitcases, $800 in my pocket, in Los Angeles, knew no one in the country and went and found teachers and mentors that I read about, studied with some of them, and then I got to the point, a couple of years after that, where you know, honestly, I was tired of reading the books.

Speaker 2: 1:18:17

I was tired of reading, you know, words from Deepak Chopra and Wayne Dyer and I'm like that's great for them. But I want to know. I want to know God for myself, I want to know truth for myself, I want to know freedom, liberation. I want to know who I am truly for myself, not because Gandhi says it or Buddha says it, but like I want to taste it. I want to taste my own true awakening, and so that sent me, as a young man, on a path where, again, I'm giving you the condensed version but shaved my head, broke up with my girlfriend. A series of events led me to feeling like a complete failure in life, and I felt like I reached the end of my own ego's capacity to make shit happen.

Speaker 2: 1:19:03

And I gave up, gave up, I would say, surrendered. I surrendered, I said okay, god, I don't know what the hell you want from me anymore. I've tried everything to be successful and things haven't worked. And at 21 years old I think, I traveled and I walked the Camino in northern Spain for a month. Then I ended up in Israel, ended up in Thailand, ended up in India, and it was my three months in India that really cracked me open to another dimension of freedom, reality, purpose and a real experience of who I am. And that was a turning point of my life. And that's when I came back to LA and began coaching people. This is before coaching was a popular thing, and it was. You know, everyone's a coach now, but when I started, there was no such thing. And that's when I started coaching people and working with people and slowly, without any clue what I was doing, started devising my own methodology of how to help people transform. And that's that's. That's a short version of the journey.

Speaker 1: 1:20:02

That's the short. That's the short version. I like it, but I got. I got some stuff in here. There's some good things that are put together on this thing. I'm going to jump around a minute here, but it's a pretty big deal for you to be able at your age at 18, to go. You know what? I've got to go make my impact. I've got to go do my thing. That's a wild thing.

Speaker 2: 1:20:22

It didn't seem wild at the time, oh for sure. Now, when I think back and I see 18 year olds, I'm like holy shit, what, the what, what, what was that? You know?

Speaker 1: 1:20:31

yes, it was beyond me a lot of courage to just say, dad, I'm turning, I'm turning away from the path that you've been paving for, like, paving for me, like he's like I'm gonna give you the keys of the kingdom, son, I got you, you're gonna be good to go. You're like I have to go my own way. Yeah, that's a lot of courage, that's a, that's a high amount of bravery, courage and probably, like most people would call it stupidity. Like you don't know what you're doing, you're going to be, you're going to go fail. And then when you go and do it, you're like it's one of those things where, when you did the ego death and I think I want to get on that for a second here when you said I had to go find my discovery of God in self, and you said you did the surrender at 21. And I actually didn't do that full surrender thing until 38, ironically, like that was when I did that. So for you to be at 21, discovering that element was like just shows how strong you are, part spirit side, like you were like able to surrender early.

Speaker 1: 1:21:27

There's something about rock bottom, that point where you shaved your head and broke up with your girlfriend. There's something about that that people try to avoid at all cost, but don't realize it's the most important part of your life, it's the thing that you need is the point in the story where you said this isn't working anymore. I need to do something different. I can can't use excuses, I can't justify, I can't pretend, I can't deny this isn't working and I need to do something different. And so I think this is one thing I want you to just jump in on, as far as, like when people try to avoid the pain of rock bottom, what is your experience to say?

Speaker 2: 1:22:05

this is why you should embrace and not run away to say this is why you should embrace and not run away. Yeah, I think many of us we do spend our entire lives running away because we're afraid of the consequence, we're afraid of what's going to happen, we're afraid of who we're going to be, we're afraid that things are going to fall apart. So we try to hold everything together, but the thing that we are holding together isn't real. Often the thing that we're holding together, or the version of ourselves that we're holding together, isn't authentic. It's not bringing us fulfillment, it's not bringing us happiness, we're not living in alignment, and so we're holding together a kind of charade. We're holding together a lie, we're holding together an illusion, and we wonder why the hell am I not feeling fulfilled and happy? Because we've been conditioned in such a way that the version of ourselves that we've become and, as a result from that version, the life that we've created, is not necessarily authentic. Let's just back up and then I'll back into the question.

Speaker 2: 1:23:18

As children, we're born free. We are these free, pure, unconditioned beings in touch with the divine. You look into a baby's eyes, man. They are unconditioned, pure. There's just God looking at you right. And so, with these pure beings, we have no fear. We don't have fear. Hip rock bottom my son one years old, jump off the table, hit the bottom of the floor. He'll keep going, he doesn't care. So we don't know before we could. He has no fear. This is good, this is bad, don't do this. And so we're these pure, unconditioned beings. But now we incarnate into this human experience and we meet our parents. God bless their souls.

Speaker 2: 1:24:00

But our parents. I don't know about you, man, but the more I get older, the more I find out. I had some interesting parents, more interesting and crazy than I knew, and so they were just doing the best that they knew how to do, based on their childhood and their conditioning and their programming, and their parents and their trauma, and their grandparents and ancestors, et cetera, et cetera. So now we are born into a karmic sort of framework of conditioning that has been conditioned from generations and our parents. And maybe that is crazy, maybe mom is an alcoholic, maybe there's fighting and trauma and pain and abuse and what have you. Maybe they're good people, but they just didn't know how to meet our emotional needs and that was painful.

Speaker 2: 1:24:38

So two things happened. The first thing is we started learning all sorts of strategies as young babies and toddlers, and you know, five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10 years old, we started learning all sorts of strategies to shut down, disconnect and not feel, and we started to suppress our emotions. Suppress our emotion because to feel dad not being around was too painful, to feel that helpless and that hurt. So I don't want to feel that. So let me just disconnect, not feel, and layers and layers and layers and layers and layers of suppressed, unfelt, unprocessed emotion builds up and starts to cover up our authentic nature, who we really are, and the true light that we are gets hidden and buried underneath mountains of suppressed feeling and emotion. Then we learn all sorts of strategies to become who we think we need to be in order to get mom and dad to love us. Oh, let me be nice, let me be kind, let me be sweet, let me be funny, let me be the good girl, let me be the bad girl, let me be this, let me be that, let me be the independent one, let me take care of everybody.

Speaker 2: 1:25:41

So now we contort ourselves into a shape, to become a version of ourselves that we think we need to be, to get love, validation, approval, to avoid pain. And now we've become this contorted shape and we think that the version of ourselves that we've become is who we are. And now we're living inside of a prison of our conditioning and a prison of patterns that we hold onto and it becomes so identified with as me, I'm just this way, is just who I am? Well, is who you are who you really are, or is it just who you've been conditioned to be? And so now, when we live inside of this prison of conditioning right, I'm this way, I'm shy, I'm this, I'm that we don't know that this is just a set of patterns, it's not who we really are. So now we're so disconnected from our truth. So now we're so disconnected from our truth, disconnected from the real reality of what we really feel and are, that we're living inside of a prison.

Speaker 2: 1:26:37

So from this prison we move into life, we become adults, we start doing relationships, we start getting older, and so we learn a way of being, to function and survive in the world, to be successful, to get love, to get people to like us. And so we now, from this false sense of self, end up creating what often ends up being an inauthentic or false life based on the false sense of self. And now we get reinforced. So we've learned to create life a certain way, and now we hold on to life a certain way. And this is why it's a bit scary to hit rock bottom, because even though we're not happy, even though we don't feel fulfilled, even though we don't feel alive, even though we don't feel in tune, it's all that we know. And we've learned to even be successful this way. We've learned to make money this way. We've learned to get love, validation from the world, credibility this way. And so now you're saying wait.

Speaker 2: 1:27:38

To hit rock bottom means to sort of let it fall apart. Wait a second. That's a bit scary, and so I think it's natural that we feel afraid to let go, because the fear is I'm going to die. It's an ego death. The fear is, if I hit rock bottom, who will I be? If I hit rock bottom, how will I function and survive? How will I make it? How will I create, how will I operate in the world, how will I be successful? And so it is a certain death of the ego that we are avoiding, in that well-intended intention to keep things together so that we can see the ego's job. The ego's job. Ego is that perceived sense of self that we believe ourselves to be, and the ego's job is to protect you from getting hurt. It's true, we hold ourselves together and the ego's job is to reinforce its existence, which is where we hold ourselves together. And so many times, the ego doesn't want to change the ego wants to stay the same.

Speaker 2: 1:28:48

The ego wants you to change. The ego wants your wife to change. The ego wants your want to change. The ego wants to stay the same. The ego wants you to change. The ego wants your wife to change. The ego wants your kid to change. The ego wants the freaking president to change, but the ego doesn't want to change, and that's the self-preservation mechanism of the ego. Now, often it's only when tragedies happen, it's only when that car accident, it's only when we lose everything, it's only when a divorce, it's only when certain things shatter our grip on ourselves and life that we we're so broken open, hopefully we're so heartbroken that we can no longer hold on to life as we know it and we're forced to let go.

Speaker 1: 1:29:32

Okay, okay, let me call Andrea. Okay, all right, my daughter just got in a car accident and she's getting medevaced to the hospital right now. I have to go take care of that code. Oh, wow, yeah, like this is good, but I mean like my daughter's going to the hospital.

Speaker 2: 1:29:54

I have to go take care of that. Yes, you have, I didn't, so I didn't see that it's not.

Speaker 1: 1:29:59

you don't be sorry, I just