Dalton First United Methodist Church Podcast
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Dalton First United Methodist Church Podcast
Becoming the Dad Your Kids Need - Pastor Steven Usry
Becoming the Dad Your Kids Need - June 18th, 2023
Dive into the world of biblical fatherhood as we examine the characteristics of an effective dad - being a leader, a priest, a teacher, and a lover. We'll discuss the questions leading fathers ask themselves to ensure their families' well-being and growth, and how they can foster an accurate view of God, create a home that honors Him, and grow in holiness. Learn from personal experiences and the wisdom of other fathers on how to be the best dad for your family.
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You are listening to the Dalton First United Methodist Church podcast. To learn more about Dalton First United Methodist Church, visit us online at DaltonFUMCcom. We hope that today's message from Pastor Stephen Usry inspires and encourages you To give you a little picture of the story of how my dad's ship fatherhood began. You've got to understand me. Sitting in a classroom at Emory University, i was working on my grad program, i was in seminary working on my master's or divinity degree. This was back before computers. This was back before iPads. So I was sitting there with a briefcase that tells you what kind of nerd I was And I had all my paperwork out on my desk when, all of a sudden, the door swung open And a person handed a note and the note went person to person across the room until it landed with me. It was a folded piece of paper. I was 24 years of age and I opened up that piece of paper and it said your wife's water has broke. You're about to have a baby. I can tell you I panicked. I got up and ran out of the room and somebody called my name and I lived back and they were passing all of my books and all my notebooks and everything back over to me.
Speaker 1:I went downstairs in that building at Emory University and I said I need a phone. There were no cell phones back then. Okay, this tells you how long ago that was And they walked me into an office and said you can call right here, just dial nine to get out. About three minutes later that sweet young lady came back into the room and she said why haven't you made the call? I said I can't find the phone. She reached out and put my hand on it, right in front of me. That's how nervous I was, okay, and she dialed the number for me. Sure enough, my wife was teaching, her, water broke and our first child, abby, was coming into the world one month early, four weeks early.
Speaker 1:I tell you that story, to tell you we were not ready. We were not ready at all. The house was a mess. We had things to buy and things to do. I guess we thought that due date actually meant that it was. You actually got a chance to go that far, right. But is there any father or mother who really feels ready? I daresay that any of us would right. But you certainly don't feel ready when you're having your first baby a month ahead of schedule. Well, god bless us with a beautiful little girl and fast forward several years.
Speaker 1:I remember at one point being on a playground with all three of our kids Abby, andrew and Alex and they were all doing their stuff. One was swinging, one was on the little round thing and they were all saying watch me, daddy, watch me, watch me, watch me. They were buying for my attention. I remember panicking. I remember thinking three, i can't even keep my eyes on one, right. I just want to express to you that even to this day, i'm still learning, and you know three is a challenge. I know, and some of you guys have had way more than three.
Speaker 1:I was when I was in youth ministry at Sandy Springs United Methodist Church. You want to hear a great story one day. Let me tell you about Bob and Adianne Monette who, when I got to the church, had 28 children and when I left the church they had 32. For biological, all the rest adopted Boy. I had something to learn from Bob Manette about how to be a dad.
Speaker 1:By the way, happy Father's Day. Today we're going to turn to God's Word and we're going to study the Scriptures and we're going to lean into what being a father is all about. And let me go ahead and apologize to most men in the room. Today is not what Mother's Day is. Okay. It's just not Mother's Day is, you know? massive attendance and flowers and pictures and great lunches. For us men, father's Day has never been quite that, has it? It's just dad, right, sometimes dads don't quite get the attention and the credit they deserve. If we were told the truth, right, honest to goodness, today.
Speaker 1:Today, i looked up Father in the Webster's Dictionary and right behind look it up yourself, get you a Webster's Dictionary Right behind Father and fatherhood is the word fatigue. It sits right there. It gives us a picture of what fatherhood is really all about. Yeah, we don't always get the credit that we deserve, that's for sure. Mark Twain said it this way one time. Mark Twain said when I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. When I got to be twenty-one, i was astonished at how much the old men had learned in seven years. That tells us about how we are often taken from our kids and you know that kind of thing.
Speaker 1:Hey, a few years ago I ran across a book and the book was incredibly eye-opening to me. It's called and I would recommend it to you Fatherless America, fatherless America. We actually know. We actually know there's an epidemic going on in our culture right now, and the epidemic is that fatherhood is being undermined. Fatherhood is really being discredited and not giving the honor that it is due from God's grand design. Now, i hardly ever read in church, alright, but this opening paragraph of the book was so powerful I thought I would read it to you.
Speaker 1:Listen to what how Fatherless America begins. The United States is becoming an increasingly fatherless society. A generation ago, an American child could reasonably expect to grow up with his or her father, but today an American child can reasonably expect not to. Fatherlessness is now approaching a rough parity with fatherhood as a defining feature of American childhood. This astonishing fact is reflected in many statistics. Here's one Tonight, about 40% of American children will go to sleep in homes in which their fathers do not live. Never before have we seen so many children growing up without knowing what it means to have a father.
Speaker 1:You know the guy who wrote this book. He asked a question, and here's the question why are effective fathers so vital? And his most macro answers to that question was really two-fold. First of all, he says that fathers are the primary shaper of kids' moral values, and then he goes on to say this what is the greatest indicator that will predict whether a child grows up and lives in poverty or has early teen pregnancy, or crime or commits violence against women? What is the greatest indicator that can predict that? It's not race, it's not economics, it's not gender? The answer is was a father in the home?
Speaker 1:See, what I want to talk to you about today is God's grand design. You know, when Jesus came to this planet, one of the things he was trying to do was to help people understand about his Father. There were all kinds of mixed up understandings about who God was, but with stories and sermons, jesus, over and over again, was trying to get people to understand about our Heavenly Father. And as he spoke, the light bulbs went off. Can I tell you my feeble hope this morning That, as we read some scriptures this morning, that I would be able to talk to you about what I believe is one of the greatest designs in the great economy of God, that he gave us mothers and he gave us fathers.
Speaker 1:Specifically, this morning, we're going to look at fathers and we're going to say what does an effective dad look like? What kind of dad do your children really need? Granddad, great granddads, what does that look like? Can we get an image of that? But the very fact that we have to ask that question really speaks of another thing. Why are there so many ineffective fathers? Why are there so many people who struggle to be an effective presence in their home? I think for many people that answer is they grew up without a great model. We follow a lot the models that we grow up watching And for many men they grew up not really having a good model of a father that really grew them up in the faith, grew them up teaching them, molding them, shaping them. And then I think, secondly, why are there so many men who struggle with being an effective father? because there's a lot of cultural confusion right now about the role of women, about the role of men, especially in society, but most certainly in the home. Today I know there's thousands of images of fathers.
Speaker 1:I want to focus on four, four snapshots of what it looks like to be an effective dad, and if you have your worship guide with you, i'd invite you to turn to the very back there. There's always a message outline. I'd invite you to grab a pen, if you will, and fill in the blanks and maybe underline some scriptures. But as we dive in this morning, i just want you to think about what does it look like? What is an image, what's a snapshot of what it looks like to be an effective dad, a biblical dad? So the first one is this He is a leader, an effective dad, a biblical dad is a leader, by the way. Leaders lead, leaders get out front, leaders show the way, and there is a desperate need in our society and in our homes And now listen in our church to have strong leaders. This is one of the most important things that I try to impress upon young, young dads that you are the leader of your home And it is really important that you take up that mantle and understand that God has placed this on you and he has equipped you to lead. And oftentimes they look all googly-eyed at me, right Me, yeah, you, you, just because I had a baby. Yeah, you Lead.
Speaker 1:You know Paul was trying to talk about his role in some people's lives one time and he gave us a picture of spiritual fatherhood and leadership. Listen to what Paul said to the church in Corinth. I'm not writing these things to shame you, but to warn you as my beloved children, for even if you had 10,000 others to teach you about Christ, you have only one spiritual father, for I became your father in Christ Jesus when I preached the good news to you and notice this, you might want to underline it. So I urge you to imitate me. You see, paul understands what leadership is all about.
Speaker 1:Leaders don't just lead Leaders don't just get out in front. Leaders model the way. Leaders say imitate me, i will walk in such a way as you can copy me with how I live my life. You know, the idea of a leader, of a biblical dad, is that you're going to take your family, your marriage, but especially your children, on a journey, on a journey towards God's preferred future And along that journey, along the way you are going to model Jesus in your home and in front of your children and in front of your grandchildren.
Speaker 1:Each one of these points today for the dad out there that's saying I want to be the best dad I can be, i'm providing a little, a few notes for you, a few questions for you to ask, a few things for you to think about relative to the home that you are leading. And so, if you'll see, in that little outline there, here are some questions that I think leading dads, biblical dads, ask Where are we right now? And you think through every one of those children intellectually, emotionally, physically, spiritually. Children grow up so fast, they change a lot as they grow. Another question where do we need to go? What must we do to get there? This is a good question from a leading father And I love this one. How can I be a better model in my home? You know that takes a lot of self-examination and a lot of telling the truth. How can I be a better model?
Speaker 1:We're talking about four biblical snapshots of what it looks like to be effective dad. You know I pick up the Bible and I just want to confess to you there's a lot of models for men and fatherhood in this Bible and not all of them are good. Right, there's some bad models and there's some good models, but I think one of the models, a good model, says be an effective leader. Here's a second one. Write this one down You want to be a biblical dad, the dad your kids need. He is a priest. He's not just a leader, he's a spiritual leader of the home. He's leading the children and the family in the ways of God, but he's also instilling God's Word and God's ways in his children or in his grandchildren.
Speaker 1:Now, this is a harder concept for some folks. To get, pastor Stephen, me A priest. Come on, Me a pastor, absolutely. If God has given you the great blessings of these children or of these grandchildren, of these nieces, of these nephews, he's also entrusting you to be a spiritual leader, a priest if you will, a pastor to lead them in the way of the Lord. Why, why? First of all now, listen, listen carefully. You have been strategically placed to be the most effective priest, the most effective pastor.
Speaker 1:Now let me say that a little differently. I want to serve your family. I want to be a good pastor. I want to be a shepherd to your family, but I will never have the time and the power and the leverage that you have in your home. No, wherever you sit, however long you've been in that family, you have more power to be a leader and a priest than I will ever have. So think about that for a minute. What a beautiful picture of what it looks like to be the dad. Your kids need to be a strong leader, leading them, getting out in front and mauling the way, and to be a priest this leading them in the things of God. That's where we come to God's word for us today.
Speaker 1:From the book of Deuteronomy. Moses is speaking over the people of Israel. Listen to what he says. These are the commands that creeds, the law as the Lord, your God, directed me to teach you So that you, your children and their children Did you hear that It's this multi-generational thing? Teach it and let it be taught down through the ages, so that your children and the children after them may be fear the Lord and your God as long as you live, by keeping all his accrues and his commands. If you skip down, it says these commands that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children, talk about them when you sit at home, when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. It's this beautiful picture If we don't talk about spiritual things or God or the Kingdom of God only when we're in church. No, it's infusing who we are. It's around our home, all the time. We talk about it, when we're driving down the road, when we're waking up in the morning, when we're putting them to bed at night. This is a beautiful picture of what it looks like to be a priest.
Speaker 1:So what are some questions that I think a priestly dad asks?
Speaker 1:Do my kids know God? Do they have an accurate view of God? You know, aw Tozer, the great theologian, one time said the most important thing about you is your view of God. So the question is do your kids have an accurate view of God And are you helping shape that view so they really understand who God is? Look at that. Third question Does our home honor God And are we growing in holiness? Four snapshots He's a leader. He's a priest. Write this one down. He's a teacher. He's a teacher.
Speaker 1:What is a teacher? A teacher is a person who teaches the way, who communicates, sometimes the most complex things in the most simplest of forms. But can I tell you what a teacher is also? A teacher is a good model. That sometimes is teaching and you're picking up stuff from what they're teaching and sometimes you just catching whatever they're laying down. Every one of us knows that character is sometimes more easily caught than taught.
Speaker 1:Let me say that a little differently. My daddy had a seventh grade education. My daddy grew up poor but he's one of the wisest men I've ever known. My daddy didn't view himself as a teacher, like a schoolteacher teaching me truths here or there. You know, really, the only thing my dad could probably ever really teach me was math and money, but he could do those two things really really well. But the teacher that my dad was was in the areas that he knew well. He was teaching me, and in the other places he was, i was picking up his character. I was picking up his honesty, his truthfulness. He was teaching me, molding me and shaping me in the things that normally you don't learn at school.
Speaker 1:A teacher or a teacher, that's a beautiful picture of a biblical dad. By the way, one of the things I've learned and now my kids are a little bit older, i still call them kids there in their 20s. Is that okay? Once 28, once 26, once 24,. You know what I'm figuring out And some of you are five steps ahead of me on this You never stop teaching. You never. No matter how old they get, they're still looking at you to teach them. They're still making that phone call. Dad, i have a decision to make. Dad, i got a job, dad. What can I do here about these financiers or this investment? They're still seeking out you to be a teacher to them. That's a beautiful thing, but you must embrace being a teacher.
Speaker 1:You know the Bible says in Ephesians 6, 4, fathers, do not exasperate your children. Instead, bring them up in the training and the instruction of the Lord. By the way, that's a command Bring them up in the training and in the instruction of the Lord. I like how it says it in the message fathers, don't exasperate your children by coming down hard on them. Take them by the hand and lead them in the way of the master. It's this beautiful picture of what it looks like to be a teaching presence in your home.
Speaker 1:What are some questions that teaching dads ask? What do my kids need to know? What do my kids need to do? What do my kids need to be? Where are they in their thinking, with their head, in their emotions, with their heart In their hands, with what they can do and not do for them? Here's another one How do they best learn? You know every child learns a little differently, right, and so seeing the difference of the nuance between one child and another and being able to teach them in the way that they can understand. Just a couple more when and how will I teach them in this season of life, and what and how can I train them, formally and informally?
Speaker 1:I think a biblical dad is a leader, he's a priest, he's a teacher And write this one down He's a lover. I like to tell people if you come to my church, you're going to learn how to be a better lover. I think that's something you ought to be able to say out in the community. Come to my church. You want to be a great lover. Come to my church right Now. I'm talking about loving God. I'm talking about loving your neighbor, but I'm also talking about loving the people that God has entrusted you, given to you as a phenomenal stewardship, right? What does it look like to be a great lover?
Speaker 1:I think for any biblical dad, it means loving their mother. Loving your spouse, i mean loving her. Well, how are you doing it? Loving their mom, you want to be a great biblical dad. You must love and serve their mother, but not just that. You got to love them. I mean, you got to give them your heart. I like to think of it this way There's no place for withholds when it comes to our kids, the idea is that we need to give them our heart, give them everything that we are. This is a beautiful thing. Well, how do we do that, pastor Stephen? It means you tell them you love them. You do it with your words, right? You do it with affection and touch. You do it with affirmation and appreciation. You build them up with your love. You know, this is really the heart of the matter, isn't it? How well do you love your family?
Speaker 1:In Malachi 4-6, when the prophet is receiving a word from the Lord about the Messiah that is about to come into the world. I want you to hear these words He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children and the hearts of the children to their fathers, or else I will come and strike the land with a curse. You must get this beautiful image. It's this symmetry and this response, the idea of a heart turning, a father's heart turning to the child, and when that truly happens and many of you have experienced this before you giving your heart, you giving your love, there's this beautiful echo. Let me say that, differently, children respond to their parents. Children echo the response that they are given from their mothers and their fathers. So if that's criticism, if that's harshness, they will echo it back, if not in the family, to the rest of the world. But if you will give them your heart, read it. He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children and the hearts of their children to their fathers.
Speaker 1:I wonder, even as I preach this message to you today, if you would just think about the lives that God's entrusted to you. Think about those faces, think about those names. Maybe the best prayer you could pray is today God, turn my heart to them. Turn my heart to them. Oh God, help me to love them the way you have loved me.
Speaker 1:Here are some questions I think loving dads ask Am I loving my mate with words, touch in action? Am I loving my kids with words, touch in action? How are my kids really doing? Sometimes that takes digging in a little bit and not just looking at them on the top level, but asking how are they really really doing? Do they sense my approval and my acceptance? Are we connecting at a deep level? Am I providing my love and acceptance unconditionally? Am I providing tough love when necessary? You know I'll say it again the Bible is filled with a lot of images of God.
Speaker 1:Today, i'm trying just to give you four quick polaroids of what it looks like to be a biblical dad and what I would say to be the dad that your kids need.
Speaker 1:These are powerful models, leader, priest, teacher, lover. As I close this message today, i want to invite you to think about our Heavenly Father for a minute. I want you to think about how He models the way for us, about how He is leader, priest, teacher and lover. Now share that today with you to say, if you might be here today and you've never asked, if you've never asked for God to become your Heavenly Father, you know, the Bible tells us about our Heavenly Father that if we will receive Him and place our full faith and trust in Him, he will not only forgive us of our sins and promise us eternal life and the life that is to come, but He will adopt us into the family of God. He will be our Father. And if you've never accepted Him or asked Him into your life, i would strongly encourage you today. What better way for there to be a happy Father's Day in your world, right For you to say, oh God, i want you to be my dad.