Dalton First United Methodist Church Podcast
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Dalton First United Methodist Church Podcast
Six of Life's Most Important Words - Pastor Steven Usry
Six of Life's Most Important - June 24th, 2023
What if six simple words had the power to transform your relationships and personal growth? Find out how saying "I'm sorry" and "I forgive you" can lead to emotional and spiritual freedom in today's enlightening episode.
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You are listening to the Dalton First United Methodist Church podcast. To learn more about Dalton First United Methodist Church, visit us online at DaltonFUMCcom. We hope that today's message from Pastor Stephen Usry inspires and encourages you. I want to invite you, if you have your worship guide, to turn over towards the back of that worship guide. There'll be a message outlined there and located in your pew there in front of you in the little seat. Back there'll be a pin and I invite you to follow along in that message outline Today.
Speaker 1:Our technology failed us so it's not going to be up on the screen. You got to listen a little bit closer, but I do invite you to take notes. There's going to be at least a couple of things that you want to really take notes on today and walk away and remember, and I think sometimes the most important thing might be what you write in the margin there. That is God's personal word to you. By the way, we're almost to the end of June. Together, most Methodist pastors are not even showing up till the second week of July, but but the Lord blessed me with the opportunity to start being here in the month of April and then May 1st being full bore with you and I am so thankful I was sitting in a. I'm sharing this with you because I was sitting in a finance team meeting this week and I looked around that room and in just a short time I have gotten to know so many of you so very well and I'm just thankful that we're getting to do life together. I'm very grateful to serve as your pastor. This is move week for us. My wife is not here this morning because for the last three weekends we've been packing boxes and the movers are showing up on Tuesday and they're going to be moving us finally fully into the parsonage. So hopefully by next Sunday we will actually be living under the same roof again and and we'll be fully here with you yes, surrounded by boxes, but we'll be with you and I'm so thankful for the warm welcome that you have given to me.
Speaker 1:I was reflecting as I get ready to preach today. I was reflecting on that first Sunday that I stood up to preach. There was like this collective breath holding in the room. I felt like everybody in the room was going oh, my goodness, i hope this boy can preach. You know, but, but, but, but I. I just tell you God is up to some great, great things and you know, the staff and and some of the leaders were so worried as we began. You don't understand.
Speaker 1:Dalton, first is a traveling church. There's just gonna be so many people traveling during the summer. I know it. I know it. This is not my first rodeo, but I'm very excited that you're here. I'm very excited that we've got so many people that worship with us online every week. As we run into the fall, we're gonna see an especially good work that God is doing. By the way, choir, y'all did a phenomenal job today, don't they look good too, by the way, really good. Well, i heard a joke this week. I thought I'd start with it, i'd share it with you and it'll launch us into what we're gonna study from God's word.
Speaker 1:Today heard about a fellow that got on a train and he spoke to the conductor as he gave him his ticket and he said now, listen, i'm, i need to get off this train in the city of Philadelphia and I'm a heavy sleeper. I will sleep through everything. Can I count on you to wake me up, no matter what? no, if I'm groggy, if I'm, if I'm rebellious, just make sure I get off the train in Philadelphia. Conductor said you have my word counting it. Like I went to sleep, sure enough, woke up and he was in New York City. He was irate and angry. He went to the conductor and he said man, you told me you'd get me off in Philadelphia. I said, wake me up. You said I'll do it. And the conductor just apologized. And that guy that he lit into that conductor and told him what for. And there was a little woman watching the whole episode and when he finally got off the train in New York City she looked at the conductor and she said I am so sorry. I'm so sorry you have to put up with angry people like that. You probably do that all the time. He said that wasn't nothing. You should have seen that guy we put off in Philadelphia. You know mistakes happen. We make mistakes all the time.
Speaker 1:Today I want to talk to you about what I consider our six of life's most important words, two sets of three words that I think are hugely important, and since I don't have the screen, i'm going to play a little game with you and I'm gonna see if you can figure out the first three. Okay, i'm gonna give you clues of what those first three are. A study was done of a thousand people who had been married, both those who had successful marriages and those who had been divorced, and they found out in the study that those who had been married said these three words twice as much as those who had been divorced. Maybe you figure out what those three words? here's another. Here's another story behind those the power of those three words. The University of Michigan health care system decided in 2002 it was going to instruct its physicians to say these three words in certain very limited situations, and the physicians began to say these three words when certain situations happen and across the next four years. In 2006, they came to the end of that journey, where they had studied what had happened when those three words were said. And here's what they found that in 2002, they were receiving 262 letters per year threatening some type of malpractice, and those letters had been reduced to an average of 130 50% less, more than 50% of the letters coming in threatening legal action over malpractice. Not only that, they found out in that four-year period, their legal fees went from over three million dollars to just over a million dollars.
Speaker 1:Have you figured it out yet? what those three words? Oh, i am sorry. Did y'all know that because it was on the front of the bulletin. I think y'all did I am sorry.
Speaker 1:Three words that should regularly come out of our mouths. Three very, very powerful words. You know, the Bible teaches us about reconciliation, specifically how to be reconciled to God. But God's not just interested in you being reconciled to Him. He wants us to be reconciled to one another, and the truth is we hurt each other and wound each other all the time. So being able to learn I really do think it's a learn behavior, learn how to say I am sorry is very, very important. You know, here's the basic principle that you'll learn in Scripture That when you've offended somebody, when you've hurt somebody, that you would go to them and ask for their forgiveness, say I am sorry to them before you go to God. Now we like to reverse it. When we hurt somebody, we would rather go to God first. But the basic tenet of Scripture and Jesus told on it is that when you've wounded somebody, it's better for you to go to them first. Now here's the big idea You can see them, you can speak with them, you can apologize to them. This is doing it with somebody you can see should be the first thing before you do it with a God that you can't see Now. You need to understand this.
Speaker 1:Even by the New Testament, people were trying to short circuit this tenet of Scripture about how we are reconciled to other people And instead of them going to each other to say I'm sorry for how I wounded or offended you, they were trying to just go to God and wipe it clean. And in Jesus' most powerful message, the Sermonal Amount what I believe is the greatest sermon that's ever been preached Jesus addresses us. Jesus says if you are offering your gift at the altar and there, remember that your brother or sister has something against you. Leave your gift there in front of the altar First. There it is. First go and be reconciled to them, then come and offer your gift If you have your pen.
Speaker 1:I just invite you to underline some things about that Scripture. One of the first things is Jesus said when you come to offer your gifts, what kind of gifts were they offering at the time of Jesus? They were sometimes animal sacrifices, grain sacrifices. People would come to worship and offer their gifts. Sometimes those gifts were offerings of thanksgiving, sometimes they were atonement sacrifices. The idea is they were coming to offer their gift to God. But notice those words and you might want to underline them or circle them.
Speaker 1:But if you there remember, have you ever been in church before I know I have When you were turning your heart to God's Word? maybe when you were singing a worship song and the Holy Spirit was close and began to work on your heart and all of a sudden you remembered something that you had done, a word that you had said. If you're anything like me, you roll through life sometimes and you might miss it. You might miss something that you did or said that wounded or offended somebody. And I've been in church before I bet you have Where all of a sudden God pricked my heart and I recognized I need to go to that person. See, jesus says if you're offering your gift and there, remember, remember that you've wounded The first thing you should do is just leave your altar there and go Go. Jesus is teaching the power of being able to say I am sorry, and Jesus is teaching how very important this is. Now, if you've got your Bible, you'd probably read the passages that I didn't read, which came right before this.
Speaker 1:Can I tell you something about the home I grew up in? I think I've already told you that my mother was a probation officer. She carried a pistol. I grew up in a pretty strong household okay, that's to say the least And in the home I grew up in there's just some things that we didn't say. I wonder I bet you've got your own set of things that happen in your house. In my home we never could say three things. If you said them, i mean it was going to be, it was going to be, there was pain coming your way, okay. One thing that you didn't say is you didn't say shut up. We never said that around my home Couldn't do it Off limits. Another thing we couldn't say in our home was you could not say this was hard when your kids together you know, i grew up with brothers and sisters you couldn't say you couldn't call the other person a liar. Even if they weren't told the truth, you couldn't call it okay. That's just something you could not do. And there's another thing you couldn't do, and it was an off. It was off, it was a four letter word. In my house. You could not say the word fool. You couldn't call somebody a fool.
Speaker 1:My mom had read the Scripture right before this one that I've shared with you today where Jesus said you know, don't call your brother or your sister rocker, you idiot, you fool. And so you see what Jesus is teaching He's just talked about to a crowd of people on the side of the Seashore of Galea. He just said hey, listen, don't use those words, don't tear down people, don't use derogatory terms. And, by the way, if then you come to church and you're offering your gift and you remember all of a sudden I said that to them, stop right there. Do you see what Jesus is talking about? Jesus is talking about how important it is to allow God to lead us in that moment of being reconciled with others. You know, we've all heard somebody.
Speaker 1:Can I get Ellen? can you come help me? this morning I didn't ask Ellen's help, ellen's gonna come help me. Be a little illustration, matter of fact, you get to sit up here this morning, all right. So I want you to pretend that, and this is a sweetheart. Why would I ever say anything mean or bad to Ellen? I don't know. But let's just say I wound Ellen. Let's say I said something to her. And when I do that, oh, you don't get to sit down. Yet when I do that, when I do that and I hurt her.
Speaker 1:One of the things that happens. One of the things is I give her baggage. All of a sudden she gets stuff. I brought some stuff, it was just stuff baggage, but I wounded you a lot, okay, so just gonna give you some baggage and you're gonna hold on to this for a while, all right. You know, the bad thing is we pretend like baggage isn't there, all right. But when you wound people, it's real, it's stuff they're gonna carry with them. You know, i'm just gonna keep going. Is that all right? Because evidently I said something really bad that really hurts you, all right. And so, yeah, i got a whole bookcase full, all right. So did you know you're gonna do this in church? All right. And so that baggage is real. I didn't think I hurt you that bad. I'll just stay right there. I mean, just grab a seat.
Speaker 1:Now, not only does the person you hurt have baggage, but the reality is that you carry something too. Whenever you wound somebody else, you don't get off scot-free. You carry some stuff as well. You know, i told you we're moving right now And I'd love to tell you you can move a house and never say something wrong to each other, but I don't know that that's possible. All right, just a couple of days ago my wife and I were talking about a bookshelf And I thought I was talking about one bookshelf and she thought I was talking about another bookshelf and I was rude. I was rude, i got short with her and I said and I knew I wound her when she looked at me and she said don't treat me like that, you know. Oh, by the way, you don't have a perfect pastor. Okay, it was not one perfect on this planet. We all mess up and we all wound, but when we wound we give baggage right, not just baggage the other person we hold on to stuff. And I was sitting there even in that moment as a husband, feeling that guilt and that shame, like I wish I could take those words back. We've all been there right. You've been there right.
Speaker 1:There's a book by the guy who wrote the Five Love Languages. His name is Gary Chapman. Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas wrote a book called The Five Languages of Apology And in that book they talk about five different pieces that make up an effective apology. Now I just invite you to write those down real quickly, and the first one is this what we might call heartfelt regret. Heartfelt regret is when you really are sorry. It's when the other person can actually feel that you are sorry. They see it in your face, they see it in your body language, they hear it in your voice. Heartfelt regret is when you really are sorry And they can feel that. The second layer of an effective apology is what they call accepting responsibility. Accepting responsibility is when you don't just say I'm sorry, but you say I'm sorry that I said this, i'm sorry, i did this, i am sorry and you're specific, i am sorry for this.
Speaker 1:The third thing that they talked about being involved in a very effective apology is what they called making restitution. Making restitution is when you look at them and you say, hey, what can I do to make this right? What can I do to help us move beyond this? And the fourth one is genuine repentance. Now, as Christians, we should all know what repentance is. Repentance is this idea of stopping going one way and going the other way right. So genuine repentance is being able to look at that person and say, best I can, best I can, i'm gonna try to never do that again. That's genuine repentance.
Speaker 1:But the highest level of an effective apology is level number five And hopefully you've included all of this. But level number five is what we call requesting forgiveness. That's what you say, not just I am sorry, but will you please forgive me, will you please forgive how I wounded you. You know, for Julie, when I messed up, what I tried to do was immediately say I'm sorry, but there was something in me that wouldn't let it happen in that moment. So a few minutes later I came back And I said Babe, i'm sorry, i'm sorry for the stress, i'm sorry for all that we've got upon us, but I'm also I'm extremely sorry that I said things that wounded you And that just wasn't kind and it wasn't nice. You know what she said. She said I'm sorry too. I'm sorry that you know.
Speaker 1:And when she started going through her own apology, you know church, listen. Now that's life. That's life. We mess up and we have to say I'm sorry. But you know, what I would say to you is that's actually the most effective way to live To say I'm sorry. Who wants to? does this look effective? by the way, look up at her. She's carrying all this back. Do you think this is the most effective way to live? for you to go around carrying baggage all the time.
Speaker 1:So you know what, if you really here's to assuming for a minute, ellen, step up for just a minute. All right, you can do it, ellen. All right, here you go, you ready, all right. And there we go, now, assuming for a minute that I apologize, no, no, you hold on to all that. That's your baggage, ellen, i am sorry. Now here's the idea. If I do that, effectively what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna unload some stuff. Is that all right? Just by saying I am sorry, i'm gonna begin to unload some of the baggage from her.
Speaker 1:But the reality is, just because I say I'm sorry doesn't mean I can take it all away, because you know, like I know, that it's up to her if she's really going to let that baggage go. Six of the most important words that you are ever gonna say in this life are I am sorry, and if she's ever gonna get rid of that baggage, she's gotta learn those next three words I forgive you, i forgive you. Sit with your baggage for a little while and figure out whether you're gonna let me free, okay, you know, something amazing about the person's baggage is just by being able to say I'm sorry, you unload your baggage when you say, well, you forgive me, now the ball's in her court, right, completely in her court, about whoa, what is she gonna do? I forgive you is huge.
Speaker 1:And, by the way, this is not to pretend that saying I forgive you is easy. It's not. It's very hard. As a matter of fact, it takes time. Sometimes it takes us years to be able to forgive somebody for what they've done. If I'm really honest, this week I actually went back 13 years ago. I have not forgiven the Auburn Tigers for the game we play Georgia versus Auburn, where Nick Fairley hurt Aaron Murray. I have not forgiven Auburn. I'm still holding a rudge. The reality is, sometimes it takes a long time for us to forgive.
Speaker 1:Right Now, listen to the words of Scripture And, matter of fact, i want these to be on the screen, but I don't have them, so I'm hoping you're looking at your outline there. I'm gonna get you to say these words full voice. Let's read the Scripture from the book of Colossians, chapter three, verse 13, together. Read it full voice. Okay, bear with each other and forgive one another. If any of you has a grievance against someone, forgive, as the Lord forgave you.
Speaker 1:Now here's the question Why in the world would Paul have to write this to a church that he planted in Coloss? And the answer you probably already figured it out It's because we regularly wound one another and we regularly need to not only be able to say I'm sorry, but I forgive you, and be reconciled to one another. We regularly hold on to baggage that we're not supposed to be holding on to And we carry the burden instead of forgiving as the Lord forgave us. You know, i like to think of it this way. I've been a Christian since I was a. I gave Jesus my heart when I was 11. I was in a United Methodist Church, just like this. When I was 11 years of age, i went through a confirmation class and I gave my heart to Jesus Christ and became a Christ follower. Now I've had a few decades since then.
Speaker 1:You know what I think by now. By now I ought to be what you call a professional forgiver. I mean, how many times have I asked for forgiveness and I've received it? How many times have I received forgiveness free and clear from the Lord? I mean, by now I should really know not only how to say I'm sorry, but how to say I forgive you. Those ought to be some words that just flow out of my mouth. Because it's happened to me so much. I should be a professional forgiver. What about you?
Speaker 1:As a pastor, i meet people in all kinds of walks of life who have different stories, but one of the most tragic things that I hear from time to time is people who have especially parents who wounded them and their parents are gone. Their parents have passed on. They're not coming back to say I am sorry. But those people, they don't know how. They don't know how to forgive and they're trapped. They're trapped and they're filled with baggage And it breaks my heart as I try to walk them through the journey of forgiveness so that they could be truly free.
Speaker 1:You know, in your little outline, there I'll put three things that you can decide to do, even if the person will never come and ask you to forgive them. And, by the way, there's plenty of people who don't know how to say I'm sorry and who certainly don't know how to say will you forgive me? right? What are the three things you can do, right there in your outline? You can decide to hold on to it forever, and some people do that. They live with that baggage. You can decide to let it go. And, by the way, we do this all the time. We just say you know what? life's too short, i'm just going to let it go.
Speaker 1:But I think God's best way is that number three to go to them in the seat reconciliation. You know, in Matthew 18, jesus told exactly how that was supposed to happen. You go one on one and you talk to each other about the problem that you have with each other and you seek reconciliation one on one. In Matthew 18, jesus says you go to that person. He doesn't say you go, put it on Facebook. He doesn't say you tell your trusted friend about how they hurt you. He doesn't say you tell your Sunday school class. He says you go one on one and you seek reconciliation and God will meet you in that place This morning.
Speaker 1:As I close this message, i just want to. I know what it's like to sit in church and hear this kind of message. God has probably brought somebody to your mind that you need to say I'm sorry to. God has probably brought somebody to your mind that you need to seek reconciliation with. So, pastor Stephen, how do I do that? Well, naturally, the first answer to that question is prayer. I'm so thankful that God is always available to when we cry out to Him to help us in our need. Prayer is a wonderful place to start, but this morning I'm going to close by just recommending four Rs to you that I think can help you if you're struggling with forgiveness, and I'm going to go through them real quickly.
Speaker 1:The first one is remember my own sins. I mean, if you're going through a hard moment, maybe you would ask yourself have I ever done something like that? Maybe they broke a confidence. You could ask yourself have I ever broken a confidence? Or maybe you'd ask yourself a different question if I've never done that, have I done something like that? When you remember your own sins, it gives you more empathy and compassion on the other person who's wounded you. Here's the second one You reframe the other person. You look at them through different eyes, if you will. You begin to ask yourself some questions like why did they do what they did and what were they thinking? And did they act that way because they were wounded somewhere in the past? Is that a learned behavior? Is that how they were brought up? And when you begin to reframe that other person, it lets you have more compassion, or maybe where they've come from and maybe why they hurt you.
Speaker 1:Third R recognize the high cost of holding onto your baggage. Recognize the high cost of holding onto that unforgiveness. You know, the Mayo Clinic did a study on bitterness and anger and one of the things that they learned is that people who can release bitterness and anger on a regular basis they have lower blood pressure, lower heart rate, lower stress, they have greater ability to move beyond the risks of alcohol and drug dependency and their overall depression and anxieties lower because they're found a way to let the bitterness and the anger go. I like to think of it almost like this There's sometimes you got to just be able to say to yourself I'm not going to let them kill me, i'm going to find some way to let this go. You recognize your own. You remember your own sins. You reframe the other person. You recognize the high cost of holding on.
Speaker 1:And then how about this one? You look for the redemptive blessings in the pain. You know, the beautiful thing for any Christ follower is that we know who our God is. Our God promises good from evil. He promises beauty from ashes. It reminds me of that moment in the book of Genesis when Joseph was betrayed and sold into slavery by his brothers and he finally looked at them and he said well, you meant for evil. God intended for good. He looked for the redemptive blessings in the pain.
Speaker 1:Okay, i got to close this message, but, ellen, i'm going to come back to you. Can you stand up, all right, you know, assuming for a minute that I made an effective apology, and not only that, i asked her to forgive me. And Ellen says to me and she really does, she forgives me, she lets the pain that I hurt her go. This is the best way to do life. Jesus came promising abundant life. That's why he said if you're at the altar, just stop what you're doing and go be reconciled. It's so very, very, very important, by the way. Thank you, ellen. If the Lord has brought you somebody to mind this morning, my word to you is don't go another day. Don't go another day holding onto the baggage. Don't go another day not reconciled. Don't go another day. Now is the time, wish.
Speaker 1:I think six of the most important words that we're ever going to know in this life are I am sorry and I forgive you. As your pastor, i want to model those words well for you And I want to challenge you to be a people who say those words routinely and regularly And if you've never known the freedom of being able to confess your sins and say I'm sorry to God and please forgive me God, and hear God's words that say I forgive you, you are my son or daughter, i'd invite you today, invite the Lord to forgive you of your sin, believe in him, trust him with all that you have for life, and today you can be truly free. Would you pray with me?
Speaker 1:Jesus, we thank you for your teaching. It brings us life, and this word today just reminds us that every one of us routinely and regularly stumbles and falls and all of us make mistakes. God, help us to learn from you, because so many times you've forgiven us. You've forgiven us unconditionally and immediately and you've not held our sins against us. God, help us to be sons and daughters of the King who are professional forgivers When we pray, even Lord, this week, that person that has been on our mind. Lord, today's, the day, now is the time. Help us by the power of the spirit to be reconciled to our neighbor. In the name of Christ, we pray, amen.