Dalton First United Methodist Church Podcast

Handling Criticism in a Positive Way - Pastor Steven Usry

• Dalton First Methodist

Share episode

Handling Criticism in a Positive Way - July 23rd, 2023

Are you prepared to handle criticism like Jesus did? Far from being defensive, Jesus offered teachings, setting an unparalleled example for all, especially leaders who often face more criticism. We illuminate how Jesus didn't let criticism sway his purpose, reminding us not to let harsh words define us but instead, be cautious of our own words when in the face of criticism. 


Speaker 1:

You are listening to the Dalton First United Methodist Church podcast. To learn more about Dalton First United Methodist Church, visit us online at dalton f u m c dot on. We hope that today's message from pastor Steven Usry inspires and encourages you.

Speaker 2:

As we prepare to study God's word this morning, always prepare an outline for you. And so right there in that worship guide, I invite you to turn to the very back to the scripture that is there and to also the outline that I provided. Today, we're looking at

Speaker 3:

a scripture from Matthew chapter twelve, and I wanna talk to you about how to

Speaker 2:

handle criticism. Now the reality is,

Speaker 3:

I don't know anybody in the room has been criticized. I don't know that you have been or you will be criticized this week, but I guess if you're sitting in a church and the pastor is talking about how to handle criticism, you might want to listen out.

Speaker 2:

They you might have criticism coming your way this week. In Matthew chapter twelve, matter of fact, I invite you to maybe grab your bible or your tablet or your phone and read the whole chapter. We're only reading a small portion a day, but Jesus has a tough day. Jesus had in tough days.

Speaker 3:

Jesus had a day where he was criticized. Now in this particular story, Jesus, he was a demon possessed man

Speaker 2:

and not only who has been blind, but he couldn't speak.

Speaker 3:

And Jesus brings healing, life transformation and frees him of a bondage, and in doing so, he's criticized for it.

Speaker 2:

Now, listen. That reminds me that Jesus had tough days and I probably will too. Have you ever had a crazy and tough day? You were kinda glad the day was over.

Speaker 3:

I had one of those not lost ago, it was a tough day. Right? And I was like, man, I just wanna go to bed and start for tomorrow morning. Right? Jesus had is where in fact, if you read Matthew chapter twelve, he's not just criticized in this moment. What happens before this. It's that moment where the disciples are walking through the

Speaker 2:

greenfields on the Sabbath, one of them plucked something up. Right? And he gets criticized for he's letting his disciples pick grain while they walk through a field. You keep reading and there's at least two more moments where people are critical of Jesus. Now listen church. If people were critical,

Speaker 3:

Oh, the sun of God, who came to the planet, who lived a perfect life, I think you can pretty much expected that you're going to be criticized too. And so we're gonna stay in

Speaker 2:

the scriptures today, and here's the big question. How does Jesus handle criticism?

Speaker 3:

And can we learn something about how Jesus handles criticism

Speaker 2:

so that when criticism comes our way, we will know how to respond.

Speaker 3:

So the big question of the day is,

Speaker 2:

how do you handle criticism. I want you to note something about the scripture that we just looked at together. A phenomenal thing happens. Jesus heals a man who has been demon possessed, but noticed a scripture. Immediately in some folks and a a beautiful thing happens.

Speaker 3:

The bible says it this way,

Speaker 2:

all the people were astonished. And they said, Could this be the son of David?

Speaker 3:

So you see while Jesus does a miracle for some people

Speaker 2:

in the crowd there at of fact, I dare say most of

Speaker 3:

the people in the crowd that day,

Speaker 2:

their faith was on the rise. Some of them were saying, This might be the Messiah. But notice the scripture right after that. The scripture immediately after that says, but when the Pharisees heard this, there were some folks who were gonna be critical

Speaker 3:

So what can we learn from the scripture about how Jesus responds

Speaker 2:

to their criticism? Notice that Jesus doesn't get defensive.

Speaker 3:

He doesn't wanna a fight with them. Jesus actually teaches

Speaker 2:

out of the criticism. The Bible says it this way. Jesus knew their thoughts and he said to them,

Speaker 3:

and every kingdom divided against itself will be ruined and every city or household divided against itself will not stand, if Satan drives out satan, he's a fight against himself. How then can his kingdom stand? And if I drive out demons by Bealls above,

Speaker 2:

I hope that your people drive them out. So then, they will be your judges, but if I drive out demons by the spirit of God, then the kingdom of God. Has come upon you. In the moment of criticism, Jesus speaks into it and he begins to teach.

Speaker 3:

He to just multiple lessons. As a matter of fact, he goes on later on and even he even talks about our words. By the way, if you are criticized this week,

Speaker 2:

Be careful of your words because you're sitting in church today. Here are the words of Jesus. Jesus says later on, from out of

Speaker 3:

the overflow of the harps,

Speaker 2:

the mouthspeaks. The good man will bring good things out of the good stored up in him and evil man brings up evil. Now the evil stored up in him, I would tell you, be very careful of your word. Whenever you experience criticism.

Speaker 3:

So just a couple of faults

Speaker 2:

here real quickly. Reality check.

Speaker 3:

Okay? You're getting in church, reality check. You might wanna get get that pen and that seat pocket out there in front of it, fill in the blank, and I'm gonna get you to write some things in the

Speaker 2:

margin and maybe circle some things in the scriptures this morning. But here's the reality check. Everyone is going to experience criticism.

Speaker 3:

Every three person. If you are alive and breathing, you are going to be criticized. And as I said before, you're than church this morning, learning how to handle it. There's a chance it might even happen this week. Alright? And so notice that Jesus that Jesus is criticized all the time. Maybe you hear sometimes people said, Jesus is a wine bibrecher. Some people who don't say, he's a glut Other people criticized him. He he eats with sinners. Genius was criticized all the time and he was perfect. Listen, I would say to you if you are a leader, you you have even a greater chance to be criticized. And I used to have a mentor of mine that said leader have a big target on their back. It says, you know, that aim for me. Right? This is the way it works. And so if Jesus received criticism you

Speaker 2:

are going to receive criticism to. Jesus said this in John sixteen, I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace. In this world, you will have trouble, but take heart. I have overcome the world. When it comes to criticism, we need to model

Speaker 3:

and think and act like Jesus'

Speaker 2:

So reality check first thing is everyone's gonna get hit with criticism. But the second thing is this, there are two ways to handle criticism system when it comes your way. Write this in the blank there.

Speaker 3:

You can handle it positively or negatively. You can respond positively or you can respond negatively. By the way, that tells you out of the gate. Whenever criticism comes your way, you have a choice. You have a choice. How are you gonna respond? Right? Are you gonna respond positively?

Speaker 2:

Are you gonna respond negatively?

Speaker 3:

By the way, let me remind you church.

Speaker 2:

We are Romans eight twenty eight people.

Speaker 3:

Romans eight twenty eight says, and we know that in all things, God were should they go? So listen, if you get criticized, you're a Romans eight twenty eight person, you ought to know out of the gate that when whether it's whether it's it's it's for your good or whether the person means you mal intent. Romans eight twenty eight says God's gonna use it for your good. So you ought to look at it and say God, I am always gonna respond to criticism.

Speaker 2:

This is my goal. Always respond.

Speaker 3:

Positively, not negatively because I'm a Roman's h. I know you'll bring this for my good. The bible says, do not be overcome by evil.

Speaker 2:

By the way, that would be a negative response. Right?

Speaker 3:

Yes. But overcome evil

Speaker 2:

with good You wanna respond positively. You overcome with good.

Speaker 3:

And so how are you gonna respond? If you've gotten your outline,

Speaker 2:

I just I wanna talk about seven ways to handle criticism in a positive way.

Speaker 3:

And I'm gonna do it super fast. So, guys, I hope you got your band. As we study God, we're gonna lean into scripture a little bit more this morning, but I just wanna invite you to flip that page over, and then I want you to invite you to take some notes about seven different ways you can respond positively to criticism. So the

Speaker 2:

first one this understand the difference between constructive and destructive criticism. Understand the difference between constructive criticism and destructive criticism.

Speaker 3:

Now to see a bunch of you riding those here, but everybody look up at me for a minute because I'm gonna teach

Speaker 2:

you how to understand the difference between constructive and deep destructive criticism. Okay? So here's constructive criticism. Constructive criticism is when I criticized you. Destructive criticism was when you criticized me.

Speaker 3:

Is it Oh, that's not the way it works? Oh, that's not right. Oh, okay. Oh, alright. Let's try that again. In all seriousness now, gonna invite you

Speaker 2:

to write two h words in your margin. Constructive criticism has at its mode of help. This is somebody that wants to help you. Destructive criticism intends to hurt you. So I understand the difference between constructive and destructive criticism is really about looking at

Speaker 3:

the motives. You remember

Speaker 2:

by says Jesus knew their thoughts. He was looking beyond their words. Right? They hadn't even released Jesus was looking at their motive. Right?

Speaker 3:

And so one of the things we need

Speaker 2:

to do, if we're gonna think Jesus' way, if

Speaker 3:

we've got to see, okay, is this person trying to help me? Or is this person trying to hurt me?

Speaker 2:

You're gonna respond positively to criticism. I think one of the steps is being able to understand the difference and then figure out what's going on. Secondly, write this one down. Do not weigh time on destructive criticism.

Speaker 3:

Don't waste your time on it. Don't waste your time on fighting destructive critical. When I study the life

Speaker 2:

of Jesus, when Jesus was criticized and most the time it was destructive criticism. Okay? Jesus normally did one of two things when he was criticized. He would speak into it or he'd teach around it, or sometimes Jesus would just move on. You're the classic example, Luke chapter nine time Jesus has not received well in a certain area, and the disciples wanna respond. They wanna fight. They wanna Jesus says, no. No. No. No. No. Let's move on. Let's move on. Guys, as as your pastor, I wanna tell you, I've been a pastor for good little all. And I meet people all the time that when they were criticized with struck to criticism, they put that stuff on them like a garment. And they hold onto it and they wear it and they don't let it go and they don't move on and they bring that stuff into their identity. There are so many people who experience destructive criticism and instead of moving on and letting it go, they actually nurse it and nurture it and bring it into them. No. No. No. No. Do not waste time fighting destructive criticism. So number three,

Speaker 3:

let's talk about that. Try to understand

Speaker 2:

where the criticism come is coming from.

Speaker 3:

Try to understand where the criticism is coming from. If you're gonna respond positively, you've got to able to see what the other person is seeing. Maybe think like that other person who is criticizing you. You've got to kind

Speaker 2:

of get out of your zone and understand where they are coming from

Speaker 3:

classic example of this. Jesus is dying on the cross. It's a horrific horrific moment. If you read the scriptures, I mean, Jesus is having insults hurled at him. People are causing him. Some people are spitting

Speaker 2:

on him. And Jesus in that moment doesn't take it personal. He sees what's going on and he prays this prayer. He prays father forgive them. They don't know what they're doing. I mean, even in the moment when Jesus is receiving that kind of criticism, that defaming, she Jesus the perfect son of God forgives. By the way, I think forgiveness is when when we forgive somebody who critic sizes. It's one of the most beautiful moments for us to act like Jesus. Forgiveness is sometimes just the best positive response that you can have when you go through criticism.

Speaker 3:

And Jesus is our model. So trying to understand where

Speaker 2:

the criticism is coming from. I think

Speaker 3:

one of

Speaker 2:

the things you need do is you need to be able to

Speaker 3:

say, you know, let me

Speaker 2:

put myself in their place.

Speaker 3:

Let me see it through their eyes. Let me try to think

Speaker 2:

their faults. Why are they criticizing me? You need to understand the difference between constructive and destructive criticism. Don't waste your time on destructive criticism. Try understand where the criticism is coming from. And then number four, write this one down.

Speaker 3:

Don't just see the critic. See if there is a crowded. Alright? Now this is the idea that sometimes we we somebody criticizes us and and we'll we'll just we're we've become professionals of

Speaker 2:

being able to not pay attention to that. That's just them.

Speaker 3:

And then sometimes we hear the same criticism

Speaker 2:

and over and over again, and we we still pay attention to it.

Speaker 3:

He reminds me of that

Speaker 2:

old joke about a pastor. You probably remember a young clergy person fresh out of Seminary, took his first church, and he he started preaching. I mean, he he

Speaker 3:

worked his best. He knew he was green. And six months into it, he was walking out of church one day and he he passed this farmer and the farmer looked at him and

Speaker 2:

he shook his head at him and

Speaker 3:

said What's what's the problem? And he looked

Speaker 2:

at him you ain't preached a good sermon since you showed up.

Speaker 3:

And he had his feelings hurt. I mean, he'd been doing his best. He'd been working and and right behind the old farmer was a old lady walking out of church, and and he just looked at her. And I guess in a moment of vulnerability, he said, how am I doing? He said, this guy, but just he said, I don't know him, but he just told me I hadn't preached a good sermon since I'd showed up here

Speaker 2:

and she said, listen, don't pay attention to Joe.

Speaker 3:

Joe just repeats what everybody else is saying, and he ain't had an original phone. Hey, guys. Sometimes, We need

Speaker 2:

to look beyond the critic and see if there's a crowd. We only we in order to do this, here's the danger. You can't focus on the person who might be criticizing you. You've gotta look beyond. You've gotta see beyond them. But sometimes times,

Speaker 3:

if there's multiple criticisms coming on that have the same thing that we need to listen up and we need to learn, there's a place to learn

Speaker 2:

something in this moment. If there's a crowd and it's just not a critic.

Speaker 3:

And then number five, we got this one, oh, spin up

Speaker 2:

to see if you can benefit from the criticism. If you got your pin, I want you to circle the words open up.

Speaker 3:

Are you open to being able to benefit from criticism that comes

Speaker 2:

your way? Think opening up is one of the hardest things.

Speaker 3:

But it begins with you and I understanding that everyone needs criticism. Now you might not really believe that, but everyone, every one of us needs correction. I have a friend of mine who sails boats. I have a boat, but I don't know that much about sailing. And I was talking to him the other day, and he told me that when you admit some of you guys, you might actually

Speaker 2:

know sailboat, so you would know this better than I. He said, when you're sailing a boat, there is not an inactive moment. I mean, you're active all the time.

Speaker 3:

And then he explained to me, here's why. No boat will go straight all by itself. He said there's currents in the water, there's wind in the air, he said, especially actually sailboats. He said, when you're sail with a boat, there's always something that you've gotta do to keep the course on track. He said, you're attacking the sail left, right, up, up. You're always doing something to make sure that boat is getting

Speaker 2:

to the destination you wanna go. And it reminded me of the little boat that I got. If I take my hands off

Speaker 3:

that wheel for a minute, that boat will go wherever that boat wants to go. It will not go in

Speaker 2:

a straight line. I promise it. This is a reminder to me that every one of us. Every one of us as we move through life, we need corrective moments. We all need correction. There's not one of us perfect. We're all centers saved by grace. Right?

Speaker 3:

We're all still learning. We're all still growing. And every one of us needs to have this sail tact, every one of us, none of none of us are gonna be on a straight line all the time.

Speaker 2:

So the question is, are you open to benefiting from the criticism that might come your way. If you've got your pin, I just wanna give you a couple of questions right in the margin here. These are questions that ask to really think about if you're open to receiving the benefit of the criticism.

Speaker 3:

So the first question that you ought ask yourself,

Speaker 2:

is there is there any portion of truth to this criticism?

Speaker 3:

And if there is and you have something to learn, right, is there any a portion of truth

Speaker 2:

to the criticism that is coming my way. Here's your second question you might wanna write down. Is there any lesson that I can learn in this moment. You know, the writer proverbs said it this way, Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies, can

Speaker 3:

You know, the writer of problems are saying there,

Speaker 2:

he was saying there, it's so much better for somebody to stand up in my face. And rebuke me straight up, then they get flatter to thousands different times with little secret love notes. No. No. No. You know what he's saying? He's saying because the person that stands up and rebukes me in my face is giving me a moment to grow.

Speaker 3:

And every one of us needs to grow. Everyone of us needs. So the question is one more time,

Speaker 2:

are you open to receiving a benefit from the criticism?

Speaker 3:

We're talking about how to handle criticism in a positive way and I just got a couple

Speaker 2:

more things to share with you. Number six is this, seek to please god not people.

Speaker 3:

When you go through criticism, if you're gonna respond in a positive way, seek to please god

Speaker 2:

not people. Let's go back to Jesus. Jesus is in ministry and a demon possessed man is brought to him. He can't speak. He's blind. And Jesus radically changes his life.

Speaker 3:

You gotta get the picture.

Speaker 2:

This is a radical

Speaker 3:

transformation. He heals him. He frees him from not only the bondage of demon session. But freeze him to be able to see again and to be able to speak again.

Speaker 2:

This is a glorious moment. But even in this moment, as Jeetna, listen, even in this moment, as Jesus knows, there are people that are critical of him. You you're really gonna get this, you gotta understand what matters to Jesus. This is so important. I'm gonna come down here. Really close to you. Okay? Jesus, receives his directives from the father. Jesus is after pleasing his father. Does that mean that Jesus cares about that demon possessed man? Yes, he does. But that's not Jesus' ultimate goal. Does Jesus care about the family of the demon possessed man? Yes. Yes, but he's after pleasing his father. The people whose faith is increased in that moment and who are there, who are following him. Does he care about those people? Yes. But he is not after making sure they are pleased. Jesus is after pleased seen one. I like to say it this way. Maybe you've heard this phrase before. Jesus is living midlife for an audience of one. Jesus' goal is to please his father.

Speaker 3:

So when the criticism cuts his way, he'd no different than the name

Speaker 2:

or the fame or the applause that might come his way. Jesus is not about those things. Jesus is about the father.

Speaker 3:

You wanna handle criticism in a positive way? One of

Speaker 2:

the things you gotta do is just say, father, you matter more to me than the folks who will clap for me or the folks who will criticize me. Help me please you in this moment. You gotta seek to please god Now here why is this important? Now listen church. I see this happen all the time. The normal way people respond to criticism is one of two ways and neither one of them is is right. Sometimes when people are criticized, they'll they'll back up

Speaker 3:

and they'll just If they didn't do anything wrong,

Speaker 2:

they just apologized for everything. Why? Because they wanna please the person who's criticizing them. Right? That they're after pleasing that person. Notice that Jesus when they criticize him. He doesn't apologize. No. No. No. He's got NOTHING TO APOLOGIZE FOR HE IS AFTER PLEASING THE FATHER. SADES IS NOT AFTER PLEASING PEOPLE. HE'S NOT GOING apologize for something that he doesn't need to apologize for. But the second way that people often respond to criticism is a They book up. They get defensive. They wanna fight. Right? They wanna argue. They wanna defend themselves. Else. Jesus doesn't do that either. See, one of the things we've gotta make sure because when when you receive criticism, there will be a temptation. Now listen, there will be a temptation to please people. And there'll also be a temptation to please yourself. But what are you really after? If you really want to respond to temptation in a positive way, you must see to please god first, not people or yourself. And then lastly, instead of being negative, instead of being defensive, take a positive action. Do something good do something positive whenever you are criticized. Don't get defensive. Don't get negative. Do something positive. I I put a little

Speaker 3:

I put a little Nugget

Speaker 2:

in my sermon this morning for Tennessee vol fans.

Speaker 3:

If you you might want to write the name Herman Hickman,

Speaker 2:

I had never heard of Herman Hickman and and and anybody who's a Tennessee fan,

Speaker 3:

you might wanna remember that.

Speaker 2:

And Herman Hickman played ball for the University of Tennessee football. He's a guard

Speaker 3:

all American. He went on the coach at places like North Carolina saying he was a head coach for Yale. I don't

Speaker 2:

know much about Herman Hickman, but I learned his name and I remembered his name when I heard a quote that he said one time, I thought it was a day and day of a quote. Herman Hickman said this. If you're getting run out of town on a rail,

Speaker 3:

get to the front of

Speaker 2:

the line and act like it's a parade.

Speaker 3:

Well, I've heard that. I held

Speaker 2:

on the Herman Hickman.

Speaker 3:

And I thought to myself,

Speaker 2:

you know what? What he's saying there is, listen, if things aren't exactly right, you can still do do something good and something positive. Even when times are tough. You know, the Bible says this, and this is this Now listen,

Speaker 3:

I'm gonna close with just

Speaker 2:

a couple of scriptures. Peter, when he was talking about Jesus in his letter, listen to the words of Peter and and listen in for how you might want to be and model and mimic and follow Jesus. Peter said, to this you were called because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example that you follow in his steps. He committed no sin and no deceit was found in his mouth.

Speaker 3:

When they hurled insults at him,

Speaker 2:

he did not retaliate. When he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. By the way, three beautiful words there you might wanna underline. He entrusted himself. This is beautiful picture of how Jesus believes criticized not respond negatively, but responded positively. He didn't retaliate. He he didn't throw threats back. Back. And then just one more scripture, from Jesus' most famous sermon, I think the greatest sermon ever been preached Matthew chapter five, the sermon on the mail. Jesus' words to you and me, but I tell you love your enemies and pray for those who persecute. You, that you may be sons. And I would add that you may be daughters of your father in heaven. Church one of my hopes for you is that when you handle criticism, you'll remember Jesus. And you won't respond just knee jerk reaction, but you'll actually respond the way our savior responded. And in every way, you will say, Lord Jesus, you endured so much more and you were perfect. Help me be like you. Would you pray with me? Jesus, we thank you that when you came to this dusty planet, you lived a perfect life even though you endured how position and threats and ridicule and criticism. And God remind us from your word today that we too as your followers will have that that same kind of experience. Lord made the word that you've planted in us today. Would you would you planted deep? So than the moment of our criticism, we may respond in a way that pleases you. Lord help us, Jesus, to model you, to mimic you and to be faithful disciples. We pray this in your most holy name Jesus. Amen.

Speaker 1:

Thank you for listening to the Dalton First United Methodist Church podcast. If today's sermon resonated with you, we encourage you to share it with someone who might benefit from the message. Join us for worship and stay connected at dolan f m c dot com. God bless and see you next week.