Dalton First United Methodist Church Podcast
Six Secrets to a Satisfying Marriage | Pt. 2 of Bless This Home - Pastor Steven Usry
Six Secrets to a Satisfying Marriage | Pt. 2 of Bless This Home - Pastor Steven Usry
Check out this week's sermon from Pastor Steven Usry!
Six Secrets to a Satisfying Marriage | Pt. 2 of Bless This Home - Pastor Steven Usry
Check out this week's sermon from Pastor Steven Usry!
You are listening to the Dalton First United Methodist Church podcast. To learn more about Dalton First United Methodist Church, visit us online at DaltonFUMCcom. We hope that today's message from Pastor Stephen Usry inspires and encourages you.
Speaker 2:Last week, we started a brand new series called Bless this Home. It's the first time I'm getting to do a series with you here at Dalton First, and I chose it to do it on the family. I believe God wanted us to focus on the family for the month of August, and so I invite you to take your worship guide, turn to the very back page, and there's always a message outline that I offer you there, and right in the seat back in front of you, you should find a pin, and we invite you to grab that pin. I'm going to be inviting you to circle some scriptures this morning and to fill in some blanks, and I want to invite you to go with me on this journey of talking about what it looks like to be a healthy family and asking God to bless your home. And I do want to pause for a minute and just welcome those who are worshiping with us online, who are worshiping with us via the televised broadcast. We consider it a great honor that you've invited us into your home. We want to invite you to follow along with us as well. We're talking about building healthy, strong, successful families. That's relationships. Last week we talked about the family.
Speaker 2:Today we're going to talk about marriage specifically. If you're not married, that's okay, because what we're going to be talking about is how to have a healthy relationship. Maybe you're in a dating relationship or maybe you one day will be all right. Today we're going to talk about how to have healthy relationships. You know so many times the goal in our relationships. What do we want out of them? We want harmony, we want intimacy, we want unity. Yet so many times the way we do relationships, it results totally different. Right? It looks like disharmony, it looks like disagreement, it looks like conflict. It reminds me of the guy that said when I got married, it started out ideal and it wasn't too long and it turned into an ordeal. And now I'm looking for a new deal.
Speaker 2:Guys, today we're going to talk about marriage, and the reality is it takes work to make a marriage happen. Good marriages, good relationships, do not happen by accident. The Bible says in Ephesians 4-3, the scripture you just heard Make every effort to keep the unity of the spirit. If you have your pen, I want to invite you to circle the word effort. It takes work to have healthy relationships, and it sure takes work to have a healthy marriage, and so today we're going to talk about six secrets of a satisfying marriage.
Speaker 2:You can call it six ingredients of a satisfying strong marriage. I'm going to run through them really quick. You're a smart crowd. You're going to do really good. All right, I want to invite you to take notes with me. Maybe the most important thing would be the things you would write in the margin. That are God's words specifically for you. But we're going to do more than just dive into some scriptures this morning. We're going to evaluate ourselves. All right, you'll notice in your outline you see those little one to ten. So as we talk about these six different ingredients, it gives you a chance to say, okay, well, how are we doing in this area? You can call it what you will. Sometimes we take performance reviews. Have you ever heard of those? All right, maybe today would be a performance review for you, to take a little test.
Speaker 2:Some of us do annual audits. This is a good moment to do an annual audit over your relationships. I like to think about it like this A state of the union. How's our union doing? All right, how are we doing? And I want to talk to you this morning about six ingredients for a satisfying marriage. You ready to go. Let's go Fill in that first one.
Speaker 2:The first one is this communication, communication. We've got to talk to one another. We've got to talk to one another in order for us to have a satisfying marriage. So, during statistic, did you know that a study was done here in the United States of the average time every day that a couple who was married talked to one another? And it was four minutes a day. Now that's sobering because on average, when that math is done all out, it ended up being about 28, 29 minutes a week that Mary Covels talked to one another, as opposed to 46 hours a week watching television About 46 hours a week watching TV. About 27, 28 minutes a week that we actually spend time talking to one another. Now, one of the reasons why we don't spend time talking is because men and women communicate differently. Would you agree with that? Isn't that true? Sometimes communication can be different and we communicate differently.
Speaker 2:It reminds me of the woman who went into the judge and she said I want a divorce from my husband and he said well, what are your grounds? And she said well, we got about an acre and a half up in Ball Ground area. She didn't understand. He said I'm sorry. What's your grudge? She said we don't have a grudge. We park in the front of the house Frustrated with her. He looked at her and says does your husband beat you? She said no, I get up first every morning. He said man, let me be really clear. Why do you want a divorce? She said because we can't communicate.
Speaker 2:Guys, communication sometimes is difficult. Men and women don't think alike. We don't talk alike, do we? And sometimes it's hard. This is why we got to work at it, because communication is a skill. Read what the Bible says. The Bible says it this way Reliable communication permits progress. You might want to underline that word progress. You want to go somewhere, you want to get somewhere, you want to progress somewhere. What do you have to have to have that Reliable communication? It's a skill.
Speaker 2:Now, on every one of these points, this morning I'm going to invite you to take a little test on your relationships. So if you're married, if you're dating, whatever, I want to invite you to gauge yourself out. Now, before you do that, let me give you a little way to think about that. One through ten. Okay, if you would say number one, we never understand each other. We're always going different ways than you'd put yourself a little one there. Maybe if you said you know, sometimes we're on the same wavelength, sometimes we're, maybe you'd be a five alright, and then you're a ten. If you can say you know what, every week we schedule time together and we talk, we schedule, you can give yourself a ten, alright. Now I see a lot of y'all looking at me. It's time to write something down there. Okay, time to do a state of the union audit Circle. One of those. What are you doing at communication? We're talking about six ingredients for a satisfying marriage.
Speaker 2:Here's the second one. Write this one down Consideration. Consideration is just paying attention to what people say. Consideration is paying attention to what people feel and not discounting it. Well, I feel this way. We shouldn't feel that way. Right, that's not being very considerate. Consideration is just being respectful and kind and courteous, helping your mate or your spouse or the person you're dating any way that you can.
Speaker 2:The Bible says it this way in Ephesians 4, show your love by being helpful to each other. How do you show your love? By being considerate, by being helpful. Let me talk to the men for a minute. Men, if it's the fourth quarter and she pulls up with groceries. You still need to go get the groceries out of the car, even though it's fourth quarter. Alright, that's being considerate. Another way to be considerate is to let her get both legs in the car before you take off. Alright, that's just being considerate.
Speaker 2:Sometimes we don't do the smallest little things that can create just a world of difference in our homes. By the way, you want to know what the good news is? I want to talk to you about these six things today, and you don't have to go home and make major changes to see major differences when it comes to these things. Sometimes the most minor difference can have a major impact. That's the good news. And so, when it comes to being considerate, how are you showing your love? Are you being helpful? You know, I came across this cute little thing that I wanted to tell you. It's called the five stages of marriage with a cold, and we're talking about being considerate. Alright, think about that young couple that gets married and how, sometimes, when we start out, we're incredibly considerate, but something happens over the time. It says it this way First year, you get a cold.
Speaker 2:Baby darling, I'm worried about that sniffle you have, so I've called the paramedics to rush you over to Hamilton Medical for a checkup and a week of rest. I know you don't like hospital food, so I'm having the meals brought in. That's year one. Year two Sweetheart, I don't like the sound of that cough. I've called Dr Johnson. I've picked up some medications. Let me talk you in bed. Year number three you look like you've got a favor. Why don't you drive yourself over to CBS and get some medicine? I'll watch the kids. Year four look, be sensible. After you fed and bathed the kids and washed the dishes, you really ought to go to bed. And you're fine. For Pete's sake, you have to cough so loud I cannot hear the television. Would you mind going into the other room while this show is on? That cough sounds like a barking dog. You see where we're going right.
Speaker 2:It's so easy to let consideration, just kindness and goodness, slip out, leak out of our marriage. By the way, a mark of being wise is learning how to be considerate. So how you doing here? Going to that one through ten and rate yourself. Maybe this is the way that I'd get you to think about it. Number one you would say you'd mark yourself a number one if you say well, I'm considering when I'm in a good mood? All right. If you're in a good mood, you'd cast me at the right time. I'll be considerate, and maybe you would say number five I'm considerate. When she asks for something, I do. I help. All right, and you can give yourself a ten if you say you know what I look. We both look. Just we look for ways to lighten each other's load. It's like an active thing that we're always trying to do for another.
Speaker 2:So, six ingredients. Here's the next one Compromise, compromise. You want to help the marriage, you're going to have to learn how to compromise. By the way, 1 Corinthians 13.5 says it this way Love does not demand its own way. The mark of genuine love is that you don't demand your own way. What's a different way of saying that? That you're not selfish. You know what? There are so many people who are headstrong and they have whatever they want to have, and it's my way, and they will pursue that. They're just stubborn, stubborn, stubborn. I mean, how many times have I stood at the altar with a cup? You know they were getting ready to say their I do's and somewhere secretly in the back of their mind, maybe especially, she was thinking and when we're done with this. I'm going to redo him. I'm going to change some things about him. Now you know I'm talking a little bit of truth here, right? Have you ever noticed? By the way, there's a progression at a wedding Couples come to the aisle and then they meet at the altar and they say their bowels and then they sing a hymn, or there's come. Did you notice that Isle altar hymn? Did you see that? That's the way they're thinking. Sometimes I'm going to make the marriage covenant and then we're going to change some things, because I really don't like everything that I see here.
Speaker 2:Guys, compromise is important in a marriage. Couple of facts. You might want to write these in your margin. Couple of facts Every marriage has conflict. You're going to go through things, moments where you're going to have a disagreement. Secondly, you are going to have to compromise to get through some disagreements. So how do you do a compromise? Have you learned how to compromise?
Speaker 2:This past week, I was getting ready to preach this message for you and I just started writing a list of some of the places where, when you get married, you better learn how to compromise and compromise quick. You know, when my wife and I we first got married, I remember the first biggest spat we had because, man, we were fighting and fussing and she was crying. We were driving down the road. It was all about we were going to spend the holidays. We were going to spend the holidays at Thanksgiving in your house or Christmas at my house and, man, we had a war going on in that place because neither one of us were willing to compromise. So here's a few of the things I wrote down.
Speaker 2:What are some of the places that you're going to have to learn how to compromise One of them? What kind of vacations are we going to go on? Some people like to go on a vacation, but they just chill out, and some people like to go on a vacation but they run, run, run. You know, we're going to have to maybe balance that out and figure out what kind of vacations we go on. Another thing we're going to compromise on is maybe how we raise our kids, because we might think differently about that. One Another thing is how we spend our money. Talk about a place where we probably got to compromise how we spend our money.
Speaker 2:How about this one? This is what me and Julia were struggling in how often we see our in-laws alright and the different signs of the family and another one that I wrote down how would you get to spend your day off? You even have to compromise on that, because after you get married, you understand this you don't have a day off anymore, right? It's y'all's day off. We have a day off, right? And you got to compromise. Let me, hey, in all seriousness, listen church. More marriages die from inflexibility, then alcoholism, abuse or adultery.
Speaker 2:But people saying I'm stubborn, I'm selfish, I want my way and I'm not willing to bend. So how do you do it this? Take a minute, just to do a little evaluation for yourself. If you would say you know what, that's just the way I am, I'm stubborn. Give yourself a negative 10. I know, I know the chart. Just give yourself a negative 10, alright. But if you would say you know I try to get my way, then you'd give yourself a 1. Maybe you would say you know what? Number 5, we try to, we stay at it until we can come to some type of compromise. Or maybe you would say maybe number 10, if you both go the extra mile to make sure that the other person's needs are met. How do you do it? Compromise? 6 ingredients for a healthy, strong, satisfying marriage communication, consideration, compromise. Write this one down and it's hugely important.
Speaker 2:Alright, courtship, courtship, courtship is romance and tenderness and physical affection and us having fun to give Private obssesive this way. Let your mate's affection fill you at all times with delight. Let me just pause there. If you've got your pen, underline the words at all times. Here's the image don't stop courting. Keep courting. If you're in year 1, if you're in year 5, if you're in year 50, if you're in year 65, alright, keep courting one another. This is the idea. You need to keep courting. As a matter of fact, I'll say it this way if there was more courting in marriages, there'd be fewer marriages in court, would you agree? So let's talk about this for a minute.
Speaker 2:Ladies, ladies, I know when you got married, he was courting you. He was going the extra mile, he didn't stink, he put on good cologne and he dressed up nice and he was. But let me tell you something about men. Men love achievement. They're wired for it and he was trying to achieve something. Okay. And then, when you all got married and he was able to, you know, get you, you are like, all of a sudden, it seems like he stops courting and you're like what happened? And see, here's what happened. He shifted. He's still an achieving person. He shifted from trying to achieve that relationship and now he's thinking I got to look after and provide for the family. I've got to take here this family. So he's trying to achieve. He still loves you, his affection is still with you, but many times he is pursuing something else for you. And you are like what happened? I got a bait and switch. I mean, my goodness, I used to get candy and flowers, now I got burps and gas. I mean, where did he go?
Speaker 2:Guys, the truth is that we are supposed to continue courting our entire relationship. By the way, this is marriage, is supposed to be this picture of us and God. Right, One of the things John Wesley said over and over again was stay in love with God. Stay in love with God. Stay in love with God. It's this beautiful thing of. We've got to continue to pursue one another and court one another.
Speaker 2:The Bible says in Ecclesiastes 9-9, enjoy life with your mate whom you love. So how are you doing with this? Evaluate yourself for a minute and be honest. If you would say, man, our courting life is non-existent, then you'd give yourself a one, alright. But if you would say you know what? We still write love notes to one another, give yourself an eight. Alright, you deserve an eight. Or maybe you would say you know what? Every week we have a date night that we schedule every week just with each other. We are going to keep on courting one another. We're talking about healthy families. We're talking about strong marriages. Let's go on to number five. If you've got your pen, write this one down and it's huge commitment Commitment. The Bible says in Malachi 2.16,.
Speaker 2:I hate divorce, says the Lord. Make sure that you do not break your promise to be faithful to your mate. You know, there is a massive deterioration of the family going on right now and I think part of it just a small portion of it is because back in the 60s and 70s, when an entire boomer generation that came through and said you know what I'm gonna do, what I wanna do, I'm gonna do what makes me feel good. It was all about what is best for me. I'm, whatever is best for me. I'm gonna do what's best for me. Now, here's the truth. You don't have to do that. Matter of fact. The best way to live is not doing what you think is best for you and what feels good for you. The best way to live is for you to live by what God says is best for you, and you know what God says is best for you. Keep your commitments. Keep your commitments.
Speaker 2:My wife and I, when we were getting married, we had a beloved pastor of mine do our wedding and when we sat down to meet with him planning our wedding, talking about ourselves as a couple, julie and I began this conversation about our commitment. And here's what we decided. We decided, kind of metaphorically, that if we were about to get in a submarine and go deep, right, if we were gonna go deep, we were gonna dive off in this thing called marriage and we were gonna explore the depths of all that God had for us, that we were going to strategically go ahead and hit the button. Well, but you told me about Pastor Stephen. You know I've never really done a sub, but I think there's like a little escape hatch somewhere, like a little mini-sub that you can go over. You get in that and hit the button and if the sub is gonna sink, you know you can have this little escape pod right at the top. And my wife and I looked at each other and said when we make covenant, we're hitting the button and the escape pod is gone. You know what? I say it to you. It sounds a little joking, but I mean it in all seriousness.
Speaker 2:We said divorce wasn't an option for us and before we would commit divorce, we would commit homicide. Does that make sense? Before we committed divorce, we would commit homicide and we were done. If the sub was gonna go down, we were both gonna go down with the given. And so we began to insulate our marriage by doing some things. One of the things we did and this is just when I'm talking about commitment right, to make sure we never, we never, you know, stabbed at or axed at or cut into the commitment level we said we will never, ever, ever in our house, ever, ever, ever use the D word. We will never say it, we won't get mad, we won't use it as leverage. I'm thinking about getting a no. We said for us, it will never be spoken in our house, we will never say the D word. It was one of the small ways where we said no, we're committed, we're committed to the end together.
Speaker 2:And so when you're talking about, when you're talking about commitment, what is commitment Commitment is being willing to be unhappy until we get it all figured out. You might wanna write that down somewhere. What is commitment Commitment is being willing to be unhappy until we can get it all straight. And the world desperately needs people who are committed, committed to their relationships, not just with each other but with God. You know here's so many people say well, the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. No, it's not. You've probably figured out that by now. Right, you know where the grass is greener. Right, wherever you water it, wherever you cultivate it, that's where the grass is greener.
Speaker 2:So how are you doing at that? Where it comes to your marriage, maybe you go ahead and give yourself that evaluation real quickly. So you know one to 10, maybe you would say you know what? I showed up at church today toying with leaving my marriage. You need to give yourself a one. But if you know, you would say you know. Every once in a while, when I do get mad, I throw the D word out there and I threaten divorce. Give yourself a two. But maybe you would say you know what, for us it's not an option. It's not an option, we're in it all the way to the end. We are committed. You can give yourself a 10.
Speaker 2:Hey, let me real quickly recap. We're talking about six ingredients that make a satisfying marriage Communication, consideration, compromise, courtship, commitment. But the sixth one you've got to have the sixth one in order to even have the power to really do the other ones the right way. Write this one down Christ. You want to really have a marriage that is satisfying. You have got to put Christ at the very center of it. Why? Because human love and human emotions. They wear out, they'll leak out. You'll run out of those.
Speaker 2:The Bible says in Philippians your attitude towards each other should be the same as that of Jesus Christ. You know what I've figured out? When my attitude is like Christ and Julie's attitude is like Christ, together our marriage is going to go so much better than if one of us is not having the attitude of Christ. I've got a little image here for you, this little triangle. I hope you've probably seen it before. But when a husband and wife are both growing closer to God, they naturally begin to grow closer to each other. This is the picture of what looks like to have the attitude of Christ in you, if I have the attitude of Christ in me and Julie has the attitude of Christ in her. I'll argue with Christ, right? So what does it look like to really say God?
Speaker 2:We want Jesus Christ to be the very center of our relationship. You know the greatest thing that you could do, you want a strong, healthy, satisfying, successful marriage. The most important thing you can do is put Jesus the very center of your marriage. Now let's get real practical. How do you do that? Here's three thoughts for you. The first one is this You've got to surrender your own personal life to Jesus. You've got to say Jesus, I want you to be at the center of my life and if you've never done that, there's no better opportunity for you to do that right now. Make Jesus your Lord. But the second thing you need to do is you need to, together, say Jesus, we want you to be our Lord, we want you to be the center of our relationship. You want a healthy, satisfying marriage. You've got to make Him Lord together. Then, thirdly, here's an idea for you you get involved with a church and a group of people who are committed to a godly marriage just like you are the same kind of standards that you have. You get around those people where you can, together, encourage one another, strengthen one another to have strong, healthy relationships. So how are you doing on that Real quick last evaluation?
Speaker 2:If you would say you know what? I haven't accepted Jesus as my Lord, you would say maybe a one or a zero. And maybe you would say you know what we talk and we go to church together and we discuss the sermon together and we are journeying together in our Christian faith. Then you put yourself as a five. You would say if you were able to say you know we pray together regularly, we read the Bible together regularly, give yourself a 10. Listen, church. I've got to close this message.
Speaker 2:Okay, I want to share two thoughts with you as I close down today. The first one is this God loves you and he wants your relationships to be strong and healthy. But it takes work, it takes effort. I pray even this week you will give effort to having a strong, strong family, a strong, strong marriage or a dating relationship. Second big idea this series is called Bless this Home. In the next few minutes I just want to pray over you and I invite you to pray.
Speaker 2:God, please place your blessing over our little home. Would you pray with me? God, we thank you for the people that you have put in our life, that we love so much, the people we get to do life with, and we thank you for how we grow, how we learn, the skills we learn to do relationships even better. God, even this week, help us to give ourselves to the healthy practices that build one another up. And, god, we pray, most importantly, that you would be the very center of our marriages. We ask, oh God, for your blessing, your blessing over our homes, your blessing over our church. God, that, like a blanket of your blessing, you would place them over our lives so that, wherever we go, whatever we're doing, we know that we are following and together under your Lordship. Thank you, god, for your goodness. We pray this in your most holy name, jesus, amen. I want to invite you to stand with me, if you will.
Speaker 1:Thank you for listening to the Dalton First United Methodist Church podcast. With today's sermon resonated with you, we encourage you to share it with someone who might benefit from the message and if you would like to see more of our worship, stay connected at DaltonFMCcom. We'll see you next week.