Living Unleashed: Delving into Self-Discovery with Leadership Coach Gary Hibbs

Ready for an empowering conversation that dares to challenge the self-imposed limitations we set for ourselves? We're thrilled to welcome Gary Hibbs, a seasoned leadership coach and proud member of the John Maxwell team, who's here to inspire us with his transformation from living a life in hiding to leading with authenticity. Through his company, Hibbs Unleashed, Gary helps others break free from the chains of fear and self-doubt, embracing a life of freedom, integrity, and personal growth. In this candid dialogue, we go behind the scenes of Gary's own struggles with mental health and the critical role of wellness optimization in unlocking our fullest potential. 

We delve into the meaty topics of early career challenges, the struggle of living in fear, and the importance of authenticity and integrity. We explore the liberating concept of grace and self-acceptance and how it plays a significant role in leading a life that is true to oneself. This isn't just a conversation about overcoming obstacles; it is about understanding the power of small habits, the strength found in discomfort, and the hope and courage in personal growth. Whether you're just starting your journey or you're far along, one message rings true in this episode: it's never too late to chase your dreams. So tune in, and let's embark on this journey to living a life unleashed!

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

But my heart goes out to people now who are living in hiding. You know, and if you're listening and you're feeling that you're just not everything that you can be, and you know it, you know and you feel like there's a lid on your life or a separation, and really a separation, if you're living two different lives, you're not living in integrity, it's a lack of integrity, and if you're not living in integrity, you disintegrate.

Speaker 2: 0:28

Hey guys, welcome back to another episode of the Inspire Talks podcast, and we're super excited because we have the privilege and honor to interview Gary Hibbs, which is a leadership coach, part of the John Stil Maxwell team for plenty of years, and he is also the founder and owner of Hibbs Unleash. Gary, thank you so much for being on our show today.

Speaker 1: 0:52

Hey y'all, it is good to be here.

Speaker 2: 0:54

How are you feeling?

Speaker 1: 0:56

I feel great. I feel great being with y'all giving me the energy for this old guy. You know I love it.

Speaker 2: 1:04

Gary has so much energy today. Today we actually shot his first content day officially with us and we did a series of videos and content sharing his story, sharing just the information, the value he has accumulated over the years. So he did amazing, I'm gonna say.

Speaker 1: 1:22

You bring out whatever good is in me.

Speaker 3: 1:26

Yeah, it was good Watch his stuff because he talks about leadership.

Speaker 2: 1:29

Yeah. So before we even get into it, I just want you to kind of share, gary, like to the audience, a little bit about who you are and what you do.

Speaker 1: 1:36

Sure, yeah, I mean people ask me that, what is it that you're doing now? Because I worked in a company for, you know, 27 years, and before that I was an attorney. I was working with older adults, which I love. That. I absolutely love the career that I've had as a nursing home administrator. But you know, what I'm doing now is I retired from that last year. Yeah, I was in the largest continuing care retirement community, quite frankly, in the world and we had this little flu bug you ever heard of COVID.

Speaker 1: 2:06

Yeah, yeah yes, that was quite the run, but I've always been blessed to go to something that I love, never run from anything, always going to the next thing that I love. And so what I'm doing now is, yeah, I'm with John C Maxwell, I'm certified speaker, trainer, coach with the John C Maxwell team and I also do some health and wellness optimization, you know, with people that are looking to not just lose weight, but I work for a company that goes way beyond diets. You know it's where diets leave off. You know you have to have better habits of health. So I'm coaching a lot of people and you know people say, okay, well, what does all that mean? Well, I really one of the story lines and we all have a story.

Speaker 1: 2:53

My story is, quite frankly, I was hiding the gifts that I had. I was hiding, I wasn't, I was in my head and I was busy building a reputation and, quite frankly, a reputation is you know who people think you are, and I didn't have the two together. So what I'm doing now is I help people come out of hiding and unleash their gifts so that they can fully live and lead. So hopefully, this isn't you guys, but there may be some people listening right now that are feeling, you know I'm not quite running on all cylinders or you know I'm hiding who I really am, and I think that that's something that people want to be freed from, and that's what my goal in life is now, and that's why I started Hibbs Unleashed, so that people could be living a life that is unleashed, you know.

Speaker 2: 3:47

I love that. I love that and that's something that you know resonated with us. You know, hearing your story today about that, just because we see that all the time with you know certain friends or certain associates you know in our community that are, they have so much potential within them but are stuck, you know, stuck with their own thoughts, like you were saying before, like that voice that's in your head saying that you're not enough or saying that you can't do certain things. And you know, like for us personally, we see how much how exposure to tools and resources like what you and John C Maxwell and the team is doing over there can do for people that aren't in hiding or they're looking to be freed. So what are some of the challenges you probably face in that area early on in your career and how do you overcome those?

Speaker 1: 4:41

Yeah, well, you know I mean a lot of things and I don't blame my mother and my father. You know they were great parents and they did the best they could. But, quite frankly, I was a very emotional kid growing up, you know I would cry really easily. In fact, my mother God bless her, I mean she would say, gary, you know, I can't stand the crying. Go into the bathroom, you know, and don't come out until I tell you you can, because I'm the fifth of six kids. You know she had a lot going on five boys and a girl, and you know.

Speaker 1: 5:08

So, one of the things I learned to do, quite frankly, to cope, was that I hid my feelings. I lived in my head, you know, because I was afraid if I expressed who I really was, gosh, you know, maybe I'd go to that proverbial tear room she actually dubbed the bathroom, you know, yeah, called the tear room After me. I became really careful in terms of who I was, you know, because if you really knew who I was, if I really expressed who I was, would I be accepted, would I be loved. You know, again, my mom and dad did the best that they could, you know, and they had their own hurts and pains coming in. But what it did was it taught me to live kind of a hidden life and you know I was afraid. So fear is a common thing, you know. And then when you hide, you know if you do things that aren't pleasing or you do things that are shameful or you feel guilty about, you hide it and you start to develop secrets. You know it's a terrible place to be, so you don't really live a fully and that's why I called it Hibbs Unleashed, an unleash life and I lived a long time with that.

Speaker 1: 6:14

And then, to cope with the pain, part of my story is alcohol. I would drink to anesthetize the pain because there was this tension and some people listening now may relate to that. I became addicted to that and quite frankly, I think we are all addicts of some kind and we're all in recovery of some kind when we cope with our pain in an unhealthy way. It could be shopping, it could be gambling, it could be sex, it could be food, you name it, but I think it could be approval. You know it could be workaholism. You know alcohol wasn't my only ism, it was working too much, you know.

Speaker 1: 6:50

So, quite frankly, with that separation and that lack of integrity. You know, when I was warned, I heard the voices of some people saying you know, you've got to really get some help with this, but I didn't listen to that. I tried to do it all on my own until I crashed, quite frankly, and I had to get healthy and, by the grace of God, healthy now, man, healthy, and I am so free. But my heart goes out to people now who are living in hiding, you know, and if you're listening and you're feeling that you're just not everything that you can be, and you know it, you know, and you feel like there's a lid on your life or a separation, and really a separation, if you're living two different lives, you're not living in integrity, it's a lack of integrity. And if you're not living in integrity, you disintegrate, you know, and a building that is not integrated crashes and that's what happened to me. So I am now free, I'm I'm, I'm living. I'm not perfect, I didn't say that, but I am free, I'm fundamentally free and I agree that I lean into life.

Speaker 1: 8:04

You know, I was afraid to really carry on conversations with people, quite frankly, because if I got too close to you, you might find out who I really am. Have you ever felt that? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and, and, and? That's hard because you know when we, when we, live that way and I know you as you reacted to that, you don't feel free.

Speaker 1: 8:23

And you, you know the army had a jingle years ago. It's a be all you can be. I love that. If the army didn't take it, I would have taken that. It would have been my tagline Be all that you can be. Because God created us, every one of us, wonderfully unique, wonderfully unique. And you know, quite frankly, you know it's not. I used to.

Speaker 1: 8:42

Then I got into perfectionism that's another of the unhealthy isms, you know. And perfectionism, that's not where it is. God accepts us just as we are. As a Christian, I believe that the core of the Christian message is grace, because as human beings we long to be accepted just as we are. You know there's a wonderful author named Brennan Manning and he wrote a number of books. One was the Raga Muffin Gospel and Brennan Manning's tagline in his ministry was God loves you as you are, not as you should be, just as you are.

Speaker 1: 9:19

And that has spoken to me in this freedom. So I'm no longer living kind of this separate, disintegrated, disintegrating life. But I'm free to lean into life and, quite frankly, when you get into yourself, it becomes about you, comes about you, and that's why, when you get into alcohol, it becomes more and more about you. How can I anesthetize the pain? And I would love people to be unleashed from that.

Speaker 1: 9:51

So you have to be healthy yourself before you can help anybody else. It's like that kind of worn out, but I'll use it anyways. You know, if you're on an airplane and there's turbulence in the air and those oxygen masks drop, you don't put the oxygen mask on your kids or somebody else that needs help first, as bad as that sounds. You have to take care of yourself first, because if I don't take care of myself first and I'm not healthy first, I can't help anybody else. So this is a part of just freedom and being unleashed, and it was only when I finally said I surrender, I surrender, I surrender. I can't do this anymore. Ironically, that's when freedom came. So that's where I am now and my hope is to use my story in a way that's redemptive for other people.

Speaker 3: 10:50

I know that somebody's listening to this and their life is about to change. So I love your story so much. We've talked a little bit when we first met and so I just thank you and wow, for somebody who doesn't know how to surrender, what piece of advice would you probably give them?

Speaker 1: 11:09

Who doesn't know how to surrender. Yeah, I mean, it's hard, I mean it's one small step. Let me use a word that sometimes has become kind of oh, that's a religious word, but let me use it anyways it's the word repent. People say repent, you know, but repent is a great word. It's a great word because all it means is the turnaround, just turn around, changing of the mind. Yeah, it's just to.

Speaker 1: 11:36

And everything begins with our mindset, with our mindset, you know, I mean, there's a great passage in Scripture, it's Romans 12, and it says, you know, don't be conformed. God, through Paul, said don't be conformed to the world. You know, and I was a conformist, depending on who my audience was, because I wanted to please you, I wanted to please you, I wanted to please you. It's exhausting, but don't be conformed, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. And the first thing is that's a great question, you know is to turn around, you know, to change your mind. You know, and in the recovery groups, you know, the first step is to say we admitted. We admitted that our lives had become unmanageable and that we were powerless. For alcoholics, anonymous, it's powerless over alcohol, and for others it's other things, fill it in, but we were powerless.

Speaker 1: 12:32

You know, I had been raised in the church and I could speak Christianese, I could speak all of this stuff, and I even thought I knew what I was talking about. But the fact of the matter is, I was trying to be God. I was trying to be God, I was trying to be in control, trying to be in control of my reputation, of your perception of me, but inside I was a mess. I was a mess and I crashed and and crashing. Quite frankly, it was a severe mercy of God, severe mercy, a great mercy, because I'm alive today. If I had kept going down that road, quite frankly, I had no doubt that I would have either killed someone, drinking and driving, or I'd be dead myself.

Speaker 1: 13:19

But by the grace of God, you know, I am where I am today and and I have to continue, one day at a time, to continue to focus on the fact that I'm free, that I'm forgiven, you know, and in the Christian faith, the gospel, the good news, is spelled done Don't. It's already done for us. I'm accepted Just as I am, and that's freedom, that's freedom. That's great, amazing grace. You ever heard that song? Oh yeah, oh yeah. Yeah, just kidding, of course you have it's, it's, it's incredible, incredible song, song and anybody listening.

Speaker 3: 14:03

That grace is offered as well to you. It's not for just one person, it's for everyone that Jesus came and died on the cross for our sins, for you and for me, and it's never too late to turn your life around. That's, that's I think that's why I love your testimony really turned.

Speaker 1: 14:19

Well, I was into performance, Christianity, jesus, and Jesus doesn't want that. He doesn't want our performance. He didn't come to make us good, he didn't come to make good people better. He came to make dead people come alive. And you know, for for the first time, it took me a number of decades, but for the first time, quite frankly, in my life Since I crashed, you know, I am alive and and I'm grateful for that, you know so grateful. So you know, hibbs Unleashed is about the, you know, becoming healthy to optimize your health. Whatever that means for you, you know, is to become healthy as a person, and it's only then that you're in a position to help other people unleash, whether it's in leadership, whatever it is. So that's what I do and I'm grateful to be able to do it.

Speaker 2: 15:10

You're killing it, you're crushing it, bro, and I just wanted to get back to Something you actually said you know earlier today, in the day that you talked about just the power of atomic habits. Can you just speak about where the habits you know for Someone that's looking to start, maybe, their entrepreneur journey or are on their entrepreneur journey early on, that they need to implement or learn Early on? Yeah where some habits they believe well, I think the first one.

Speaker 1: 15:42

We talked about it is, you know, one of the pieces of advice. You know, the first thing is you got to be honest with yourself. You have to be honest with yourself. You know and I think we were having this conversation earlier that you know, in Genesis God says where are you? This was after the fall, where are you? And it wasn't that God didn't know, of course, god knew God's God. God knew what he needs us to do. What he needs, needed me to do, it needs me to do every day is to say where am I? Because it's it's only when I know where I am that I have a chance of going where I want to go. And another question is John 138,.

Speaker 1: 16:22

You know, jesus said as they're walking along the beach, he turns to them and he says what do you want? What do you seek? You know, or do the paralytic? You know? Do you want to get well? You know, I used to read that and think, duh, of course I want to get well, but do we? Sometimes we're more comfortable in our dysfunction than we are in getting well, and we just become comfortable and change is difficult. So I think it's to be comfortable with being uncomfortable, which sounds weird, but you have to be willing to do that. And the atomic habits, you know James Clear wrote this great bestseller came out in like 2018, it just went crazy on the bestseller list. And it's because atomic meaning small, small particle, little habits, one little habit at a time. You know and I do coach in the health area you know it's small habits of health one little habit at a time to move in that new direction.

Speaker 1: 17:28

After you've turned around and you know you've got to find a tribe of people that are going to help you and have gone before you, you know. You know John Maxwell talks about you don't want to consult a travel agent who's never been there, but you want to go with a tour guide who has been there before. So you get a tribe of people who have gone before you and you take suggestions and you humble yourself. Don't be God, it's a big job. You can't do it. It's a big job. So humble yourself, be honest with yourself, be open to what other people who have gone before you are saying to you and take those suggestions and be willing to not just, you know, say yes, I agree with that, but it's about action and take those small steps that get you in the right direction.

Speaker 1: 18:23

And then what happens is you start to, even though it's, you know, it can be like suffering, because it takes a long time, it can feel like a cross bearing that cross. But what happens is and Scripture talks about this you know, when you go through suffering and you persevere, you build character which brings hope. So I was in despair and I got to hope through going through, and this is the biblical process, quite frankly. So you know it's developing new habits. You know almost 50% of what we do is habitual. It's just who we start to become.

Speaker 1: 19:01

So that's how we transform, little by little, one small step at a time. You know, in this Atomic Habits book again, it's a great book, but you can have all the goals in the world, but if you don't have a structure, if you don't have a process that brings you along little by little and practice, that, you're not going to get there. You know we want everything right away. I mean we're kind of a microwave society. You know we don't believe in the crock-pot anymore, where it's simmers, and you know crock-pots are good, you know.

Speaker 2: 19:31

I love the prime. I'm his own prime person.

Speaker 1: 19:36

Yes, well, I mean, you know Jeff Bezos was a fairly bright person. Yes, and yes, I mean I order it now and it can be there tomorrow morning. You know it's something, but yeah, little by little, facing the right direction. To answer. You know, the question that you were talking about is how do you do it? You know you can't have it overnight. You know that's one of the things you got to put in the work. You know, John Maxwell, a lot of people go to John Maxwell. You know he's been doing this for 50 years. He's written more, spoken more on leadership than anybody else. And people will say to him I want to do what you do. And he'll look at them and he'll kind of laugh and he'll say but do you want to do what I did? Oh, you want to do what I do. Do you want to do what I did? And I'm thinking, huh, yeah, that's that's, that's profound. Yeah.

Speaker 2: 20:27

And you know that's something that I learned early on that you have to put in the work like no matter what you have to put in the work, and it's not pretty. You know people are not going to see what's going on behind the scenes. Right now we're filming this, you know, after 10 hours of filming earlier. You know throughout the days right now is nighttime, but you know this is the work that you got to put in to to see greatness, you know, to what you have seen in your career and you know John and his career. So we appreciate everything you said today. Thank you so much for that and the value. Before we wrap up, I just had one last question. What would you say to the person that, since you're a little more seasoned, how are you saying I'm old?

Speaker 1: 21:10

Did you mean mature? Oh, thank you Okay. Yes, it spices up the food. Yes, okay, thank you. Okay, I'll accept that interpretation.

Speaker 2: 21:23

It's a little bit more seasoned than our audience probably is right now, currently in their life. But for the people that are, at me, the level or stage in their life as you that are looking to still step out with their comfort zone, still step out into their purpose, but feel like they're probably scared or maybe it's too late, you know they probably have these dreams that they put in the back burner. What would you say to that person?

Speaker 1: 21:53

Yeah, who's later in life? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I don't think it's ever too late as long as you have breath. And quite frankly, I mean I am living so rich right now, you know I'm free. Yeah, I mean there are consequences to staying kind of locked up in my brain for so long. I've lost relationships, there's no doubt about that. I've lost a lot of opportunity, but it's never too late. The story's not over till the last chapter's written. It's just not. And I still have a pen in my hand. I still have a pen in my hand and I'm still writing. So I don't care how old you are and I mean people have done great things into older age. So, yeah, I'd say it's just never, never too late. And, quite frankly, it's the failures that have enriched my life.

Speaker 1: 22:47

There's a great guy that I just got exposed to recently through Maxwell, a guy named Ryan Leake. If you haven't heard of him. He just wrote a book called Pursuing Failure. He's the funniest guy and he's had such a great articulation. You know, if you pursue success, you're going to kind of be conservative, you know, and you're not going to be unleashed. But if you pursue failure knowing and it sounds weird pursue failure what are you talking about? It doesn't mean fail on purpose. What it means is pursue some things that are maybe just beyond your reach. He tells a great story about trying out for the NBA. He was a good basketball player but he was D3, you know, and the chances of him making the Phoenix Suns. He tried out for the Phoenix Sun Long. He has a great story, check it out.

Speaker 1: 23:33

But his point was that if you're pursuing, if success is the only way that you think you're going to be successful, that's not success and failure is not failure. Failure is only failure if you fall and you just don't get back up or you never try. But it's in the failures that you learn the greatest lessons. You know, and quite frankly, I'm thankful. I never thought I'd say this before, but I'm thankful for the things where I have failed, because it's taught me my greatest lessons. It's taught me what real grace is all about. It's taught me about community that didn't walk away when I was at my worst, which a lot of people did, but the people that stuck with me and are still with me. I mean that is deep, that is rich and you know I'm fully alive. So it's never too late. It's never too late, as long as you have breath. You've got the pen in hand, so keep writing.

Speaker 2: 24:30

Keep writing. I love that. Yo, gary, you made me cry, really, really bad crying cams. Well, man, this man has so much wisdom, guys, like you guys understand, like it's crazy.

Speaker 1: 24:41

Well, I'm grateful for y'all and you taught me a lot about what's it called Instagram. But just learning so much you guys are so talented. You know one of the coolest things Guys are going to go on? A guy named Tim Elmore wrote a book called the New Kind of Diversity, which is fascinating.

Speaker 1: 24:58

We really need mentors, not just younger people being mentored by old, but older people being mentored by young. You mentor me on social media. You mentor me on what the whole world looks like now. I was just telling you when I grew up back in the old days, we didn't even have shoes. No, that's not true. No, I'm not going down that road. Hey, right, but you know, I mean like I grew up with NBC, cbs and ABC and maybe one other ancillary four TV stations and all that's, of course, my parents, they said we didn't even have TV.

Speaker 1: 25:29

I need to be mentored by you and we need to mentor each other and see the value in each of the generations. You know this whole thing where old people sit there and I worked in retirement communities and all the young people these days. People have been saying that for generations about the younger generation. No, no, no, no. We all have different gifts to bear. You know what I mean. Just open up, lean into life. Don't be in hiding. Lean into life. There's just so much out there and I'm just so grateful to have been spared if you will and have made it through some tough stuff.

Speaker 3: 26:03

So and, that happening, you're able to be here today and I know your message is going to reach someone, and I just want to be you when I grow up Pretty much.

Speaker 1: 26:13

You're funny. You're awesome, Gary. I appreciate you all having me. I really do.

Speaker 2: 26:17

No, we appreciate you even being on and extending your day with us to jump on the podcast. Thank you for everyone that's listening in on Spotify. If you're listening on Spotify, please leave a review. Let us know what was your favorite takeaway of this video or this podcast today. And if you're on YouTube, please subscribe and like the channel and let us know in the comments who you like to us to bring on next or what information or topics you want us to talk about next time. Before we end, Gary, how can they find you on social media if they want to stay connected?

Speaker 1: 26:47

It's Hibbs Unleashed. That's what my what's my handle on Instagram. That's his Instagram. Yeah, actually in the midst of writing a book, come out of hiding to have people become unleashed so that they can fully live and lead. So that's what it's about. That's what life's about. So, yeah, hibbs Unleashed.

Speaker 2: 27:05

That's coming out Coming soon. Y'all stay tuned for that. We're super excited for that new upcoming book. You guys go purchase it. We're going to put in the show notes when it comes out. Thank you guys, so much for listening and tuning in to the Inspire Talks podcast and we'll see you guys in the next one. Take care, bye-bye.