Beyond Attraction: Building Genuine Connections in Relationships

Would you believe that the spark you're looking for in dating is not found, but built? Let's burst the myth of instant connections together. This episode is a candid exploration of the misunderstood concept of 'connection' in dating. We discuss how true connection is not just mutual attraction, but an emotional resonance that requires mutual understanding and effort. We’ll challenge the common misuse of the term 'connection' in dating, where it's often confused with attraction, and provide you with strategies to discern who you should invest in building a connection with. 

As we continue our journey, we'll share personal anecdotes and practical advice on what it truly means to search for connections in relationships. We highlight the difference between seeking a genuine connection and merely looking for a good time. Remember, a connection is a feeling, and if it's your feeling, you can trust it. However, building a true connection requires time and effort to understand the other person's perspective. We promise you an enlightening journey through the complex landscape of connections in relationships, providing fresh perspectives and actionable advice. So, are you ready to unravel the mystery of connection in dating?

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:05

What up, welcome back to the come on. You know cast, I'm your host and Today, tonight, this evening, we're gonna talk about Something that is I don't. I don't really want to talk much about Dayton because we all kind of get it. We just act like we don't want to get it. But whatever I will. People solicit my advice and I'll give it to him. Why not? It's free. So before I like, I want to talk about the term connection tonight. Today, wherever you are, I do so.

Speaker 1: 0:48

I had a friend slash coworker asked me about it and and someone else that I know brought it up, and I really think that we misuse that term with regards to, with like, regarding to Dayton, and you know, you know I'm a genius, so I'll spit my genius science on you about that term and how it's used Regarding Dayton. So if I start that, like dude, I was going to, I was coming home from work and I was stuck behind a Pepsi truck. Who gets stuck behind a Pepsi truck, one who still drinks Pepsi to? Why are there Pepsi trucks Like it is? Is there like mad crates Pepsi inside of that truck? Probably not. Is like every lane that I switched, he switched, or it switched, or they switched. Switching back. They switch back. It's like come on, man, anyway, that dude was like following me home Well, he was leading me home, or to the podcast studio, but anyway, that's that. So like Back to connection.

Speaker 1: 2:11

Regarding Dayton, so Like, I have my own definition of Connection, and Rather not, you agree with me, I'm probably right. So there's that. So my bottom line up front is that People more, more, more then More than not, is that the right way to say it? Like I'm not, I'm not. I'm like it's not women against men and men against women. I think women use that term more so than men. Men use the term like. It's like, hey, I like to, women do too. But women say, hey, I wanted a connection, and blah, blah, blah. But to me, a connection is not something that you search for or look for or discover. It's something that you build. Right, if you disagree with me, disagree with me, but I'm right. It's also something that is developed. It's not something that you find. It's not a piece of gold. It's gold when you create it, when you develop it. But it's not something that you know. You go to California, you hunt in the hills, put on the boots, dig for it, and it's like oh, I found it, I found a connection. So like no, so we misuse that term. I think we misuse that term when we're talking about dating.

Speaker 1: 3:51

Connection is to me it's like a, it's a mutual attraction. It's not one side, it's not like, oh, I had this connection with this girl or I had this connection with this guy. It's like no, it's a two-way street. It's like it's comba-, combat comba that's definitely connection. It's like compatibility, it's more of an emotional resonance.

Speaker 1: 4:18

Why am I having serious shows? Anyway, it's like it's an intangible. To me it's a spark, it's a chemistry. People use the word chemistry, but it's not something that is just there. If something is just there, that's an attraction. So I'm giving, also kind of giving, like dating advice, tidbits or bet. I don't want to, but that's the thing Whatevs. So it's deeper than an attraction.

Speaker 1: 4:55

So we misuse it because I think we use the term connection interchangeably with attraction. It's like oh, yeah, this person likes the same things that I like, so we have a connection. It's like no, you are attracted to a person that likes the same thing as you like, but you can be like a person can like the same things that you like and you don't have a physical attraction to them or mental attraction to them. A connection is like, dude, we like a few things, but this person understands me, this person understands how I like travel through life, how I maneuver, and I love it. And this connection to me equals love, like I cannot deny that I love this person and that's right. So Not having a connection to someone is an excuse. It's like, oh, why don't I have a connection? It's like, well, you can't have a connection to me in the hour and a half that we had dinner or went to a movie or whatever. Like that means you can have a connection to a stranger. It's like, no, you can be attracted to a stranger, you can lust a stranger in an hour, you can desire a stranger, but you won't have a connection. So we need to kind of look at what we're talking about, look at what we are holding in high regard as far as who we choose. And this is right, I'm telling you this is right. And connection is subjective and not every date or person that you see will lead to this feeling. But it is a feeling. But you can. If it's your feeling, you can trust that feeling, but you're not gonna get it on the first go-round, like you connect with the person later on.

Speaker 1: 7:06

People think connections are instant. Attraction is instant. Connection is not instant because what you do is you are attracted to a person and it's like hey man, I'm connected to this person. It's like, well, you don't know. You're connected to the person because you don't know if that person is connected quote unquote to you. You're attracted to that person and you want to build something with that person because you think that attraction is solid ground, but you don't know if that person is attracted to you. Like a connection is like, dude, this person is my pillow Is pillow. Like I want to lay on this person and you know what I'm saying. You know what I'm saying. I mean it's connection is subjective, but you know when it's real. You know when it's real. Like a connection is not instant. It is not. You have to build it, you have to work on it, you have to learn.

Speaker 1: 8:16

Connection to me is understanding. You don't understand a person on a first, on a two hour date. You like them, you like them, you listen to them, you can admire them, but you're not going to understand them. You don't understand a person instantly. It's impossible, no matter like. If you are, like it's impossible. So I dare any scientist, psychologist, behavioral scientist, personal life coach, I dare them to challenge me. I'll go toe to toe straight up. But it's not.

Speaker 1: 9:05

Connection is built. It really really is. You know why, like the voices are horrible, people hate or people like have a bad time with the voices because they worked on the like establishing a connection, establishing it. It's like, well, we are focused on breaking the connection. That's what it's about. Nobody has a connection after the second, first, third, third date. It's impossible.

Speaker 1: 9:39

And if you think it's not, challenge me, but it is, it is. It's like it really is. But it can't be forced either. Like if one party is attracted to the other and you're trying to develop a connection, you know that's called not having one. That's what it's called. So it's developed gradually, like over time, as people get to know each other better, cause we are all people, whether or not you know you're a woman, man, whatever, question mark this that we are people and that's what we know best. We know that we are people. People know when like fake and funk this, that, but people over time, and that is actually A lot of times what people are scared of is learning a person over time, because it's like, hey, I learned this person over time and then I learned what I don't like and you don't want to like, not like stuff, but anyway.

Speaker 1: 10:50

So I know right, my, my, did I say my definition of connection? My definition of connection is learning. It's learning, understanding, loving. It's like man, I want to this person. I know their heart, their footsteps, I know their mind. I know they're going to like, help me when I'm trying to figure out this issue, this problem, or they won't help me figuring out this issue or problem, and it's just true, like knowing this. It really is. Why, why am I creating another show? That is not funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So anyway, here's my dating advice Sit down on a person, have a date.

Speaker 1: 11:44

You think you don't have a connection. It's because you don't. You're not going to have a connection over a 45 minute dinner. You're going to have an attraction. If you have an attraction and it doesn't lead anywhere, then you just had an attraction that doesn't leave anywhere. You have an attraction that leads to a connection. That means you wanted to know the person, you wanted to get into the crux of it, you wanted to snatch open that rib cage, dive into that heart, understand that heart and like just soak it up and what like. That boils down to what you want to do. What you want to do If you just want to be entertained, you're not looking for a connection. If you want to be loved, you are, like straight up investigating for a connection. If you just want to I don't know have a dinner, then you're hungry, who knows. Anyway, let me know what you think and that's all I got. Thanks for watching.