Ever thought your parents are narcissistic nutcases ? That's because they all are, especially you. we believe in a direct correlation between becoming a parent and being a psychopath. let us know what you think?
The therapy session continues in this weeks Rant.
Ever thought your parents are narcissistic nutcases ? That's because they all are, especially you. we believe in a direct correlation between becoming a parent and being a psychopath. let us know what you think?
The therapy session continues in this weeks Rant.
This is the Morning Glory podcast. We're here for the bands.
Speaker 2:Grad and Rant.
Speaker 1:I've been trying to push that as a thing for every episode, every Grand Rant.
Speaker 2:So this week we're slagging off parents. Oh yeah, just a bit. If you thought actors got it parents.
Speaker 1:Oh, you'll want to be a parent right now. We're ready to get both barrels and you will get both barrels, by the way. Fuck her up, yeah, parents.
Speaker 2:And everyone that I speak to is in terms of cohorts of people that are just abominable. Let's say, teenagers are one, parents are the other.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's like you become mentally ill after your first child and then it gets worse after each one.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's like they're psychotic, they're out of touch with reality.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, they're all just crazy characters.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's sort of like high functioning psychosis. Yeah, that parents allow to. I'll tell you something once. Right, when I was on the way to school, my dad right. Normally he'd just put my lunch in a carrier bag. That's fine.
Speaker 1:Do you know what he you?
Speaker 2:had a bit of a rough one, didn't you, do you? Know what this man did so. He didn't have a carrier bag right. He put it in like a really big crisp bag.
Speaker 1:What a dickhead. You can't do that.
Speaker 2:Can't be doing that I just remember thinking I was like.
Speaker 1:But no dad that can't happen.
Speaker 2:Don't do that. You realise that this is just putting a really big bullseye on my bag. Yeah, and it was like, yeah, we've run out of time, but they're like obviously, like Obviously, like it was mocks, rightfully.
Speaker 1:So I wonder where you get your lack of preparedness from Every time you speak about your dad.
Speaker 2:Not that you don't know what I mean. That is such a dad thing to do, though. It's such a dad thing to do, don't you think, though, that it's in here. Even talking about it, I feel like I'm in like a council, like he put my lunch, you know, like in like a six pack of like, like walkers.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:He put my lunch in there.
Speaker 1:Oh no, what a bellownd Little grann going to school with his I love dogs backpacking. Pack it Chris's lunch, bless you. Oh no, parents in the way, like I, by the way, case in point when we were sat in that bougie shit old cafe earlier In Peckham Not a patch on Chef's Delight, not a patch. But when them two women came in with the kids, they were all face. It was like somebody came in playing the big symbols and I was like Gran, you alright, you went, your faces really changed.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's just basically a really noisy kid and I mean just begging that they weren't going to sit next to us and the mums were just so oblivious to the chaos they were causing.
Speaker 1:People think their kids are great and they're just not. Keep them away from me. Honestly, that's right. Yeah, I don't want them. Yeah, but parents are just by me. Like I was telling you earlier about the group chat, I was in Borough Market this morning About 7 o'clock this morning I got off at London Bridge and before I get off On to the overgrounds, come see you.
Speaker 1:I was like I'll go in Borough Market and I got all the Christmas lights. So I took a photo of all the Christmas and it was beautiful big wreaths and lights and everything and I showed my mum and my mum put what a wonderful way to see the morning. Thanks for showing me this, love you so much. That looks sick, sister. That looks amazing. And my dad just put on the group chat. Have you ironed my shirt yet, tina? Ha ha ha. Obviously. Probably it's sat upstairs In his bed do you know what I mean?
Speaker 1:He's downstairs fucking making breakfast and I was like you, fucking nutcase. Have you ironed my shirt yet, tina?
Speaker 2:What a guy. Just dismissing the whole thing, yeah, of all your hopes and dreams. It's so funny. He's a funny gamer. I tried to explain to my dad once that I wanted to be like a jiu-jitsu instructor. To which he said have you ever thought about doing building management? Ha, ha, ha, ha ha ha. Burying a mind for the people listening. Yeah, I don't have. I have Struggle putting in light bulbs.
Speaker 1:And I also have an aversion to doing hard graphs. Yeah, it'd be like asking a snake To be an arm wrestling champion. You know what I mean. It's unbelievable.
Speaker 2:It's a it's an unsuitable job, but he said it with a straight face. Yeah, but, dad, what are you talking about? Like, why are you saying these things? Stop saying these things. Yeah, yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1:If you ask my brother, he's a musician and he's a bit of an eclectic singer Like. He's a bit like a Tom Waits, bob Dylan's type of sort of character and my dad once sent to him. He was like why are you fucking about with all this? I'm like a number one, single Ha ha ha ha, I'm a vomit that dad.
Speaker 1:I don't mean now, the parents are crazy. They are. If we go into the story. I told you that example. I was walking down the street with my mum once past a pub and two six foot blocks were knocking Shit out of each other and my mum was like, oh, do you want to go see if they're alright? I was like no, it's such a. I actively hope they're not alright.
Speaker 2:Yeah, let's ask them how they're getting on.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's funny.
Speaker 2:You like that? Yeah, that's calm down.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, mum and dad's a good creator. If you're a mum and dad, you're probably a psychopath, because it just turns you into some weird.
Speaker 2:It is. It's like I remember. So I worked in Pets at home and these kids. It was like it was around Christmas time and these kids came In wanting to buy a goldfish but they hadn't had their tank set up, which you need to ask people about, Otherwise it just burns. The chlorine in normal water just burns the fish and they died.
Speaker 1:Oh no.
Speaker 2:And then I was like do you have a tank set up? And it was like he turned around and he was like really sure. He was like I can't, so you just need to wait. Well, we need to wait three days, and then it's fine. And then he basically said to his daughter His kids were like why won't the man sell us any goldfish? And I'm like and then he was literally like it's fine, Christmas is rowing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, thanks, my son's crying now. Yeah, honestly, yeah, it's that thing in it. Parents are just psychopaths, all of them. My sister's quite good, she's just becoming your parent, but I can just see the. My nephew's lovely and he's so lovely. I can just see the worry on her face. I just imagine her when she gets older. She's going to be panicking Like my mum. She once phoned me because an ambulance went by and it was going in my direction where I used to live in Hull, and she was like I was making sure you're not and I was like I don't know, I just drove past her house. It was hard just to say an ambulance got past man on the way to yours. I just want to make sure you're not dead.
Speaker 2:Yeah. It must be difficult, like having to always just have that constant worry.
Speaker 1:Because also it's a very competitive thing. I've any kid like you see parents on Instagram. Now they're just the kids have got their own Instagram profile. Jesus, like some of them play football. So like they've got Steve undernance, like whole city or whatever, and it's like give the kid a break. He might never make it like let him enjoy it?
Speaker 2:Yeah, he might not.
Speaker 1:But no, I just think he's turning into like the ultimate psycho and you have a kid.
Speaker 2:I'm trying to think what I'd be like as a dad. I don't know. I feel like I'd be pretty right. I wouldn't really care about homework and stuff like that.
Speaker 1:No, he's teaching about life on your school. Hard knocks, exactly yeah.
Speaker 2:So you've got your own bars in.
Speaker 1:Yeah, exactly, you make a good dad.
Speaker 2:It's hard to say Do you want kids? I don't know. No, I don't know.
Speaker 1:I don't either, and I progress again, close and close to 40. Well, not really I'm 33. But like it's on the horizon, don't mean I still don't, I don't want them just yet.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't know. That's the luxury we have as men. It is Cheers to that Cheers mate.
Speaker 1:Thanks for being a man. Yeah, well done. Well done to you, no stresses, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, sorry for the female listeners.
Speaker 1:One of my, my apprentice, is one of my best mates in the world. He's just having his second kid and he's just like. He's like. I was like I'll feel terrible buying you play a session. Five off you for like 20 quid next week because you're not playing it, don't mean he's just not gonna be able to do anything and he knows he can. Yeah, bless him.
Speaker 2:He's so funny. I think having kids is about timing. I think it's better to have them later on, if you can. No, that's what?
Speaker 1:yeah, people say they want them early, so like when they're I think they're really enjoy your thirties. Yeah, definitely, yeah. Well then, mums who are best friends with their daughters that's weird, isn't it? I think, gross. Yeah, I've seen him on nights out and stuff. No, that's horrible. Yeah, we're just like best friends, like twins.
Speaker 2:What about? I know that like we're like sort of girls might like talk to them about sex, like in more detail.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, no, we've been. We've been more comfortable about that?
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that shocks me. When I met like girls talking to their sisters about it, so like. And then when you get older men, men talk to their brothers about it. When we were younger we were really like.
Speaker 2:I can reveal a slight clanger actually. So my dad was moving house. Yeah, you know, just just with people that you know get just just just bear with me here Right when I was in the early 20s. This does make me sound like a bit of a nutter, to be honest, but when I was in my early 20s I bought a book on. It was like karma sutra.
Speaker 1:Yeah, excellent.
Speaker 2:So I have to go down on 10 tricks. And then my dad was moving house, yeah. And then I saw this book and I was like I need to hide it. And I was like well, he's still in.
Speaker 1:Oh, you bought the book separately. No, he wasn't your dad's book. Oh, no, no, sorry, let's clarify. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:And he was like no, my initials on there on the other one Return to the labry and put the book back out again.
Speaker 1:Return put the book back out.
Speaker 2:And yeah. So I was like, right, I need to hide this book and I'll throw it out later. And then I was chatting to him and then it was like, yeah, you need to start your room. And he said he referenced, he's like and your stepmom was rather Horrible to find that book about how to go down with, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:Oh god, I don't remember. That is super honestly. One of the most awkward conversation I've ever had my entire life Is when my mum and dad found and I was like sixteen, I lost my virginity my girlfriend a couple of times that week by phone the gym. By phone, the condoms on the side of the bed, and I'm going to clean the room I got on the light. Well, we're very proud of you. I'm not stop.
Speaker 1:Very proud of you for using the protection and yeah, you, so I hope you're alright, did it go okay? If you say another word, I would stab myself in the neck with this knife. It was the worst. It was the worst forty five minutes and my dad was like, yeah, like, don't be fucking about, like I mean I'm. I was like, oh, it was.
Speaker 1:Really, I didn't know any of that yeah, no, I don't know if I've ever told you that. Yeah, yeah, that was so funny. God, that's awful. What was really funny is we were having a conversation about like I'm, I was like if you need to know anything about the female body, and stuff like that. For some reason, it got on to like where do you know, women have free holes. Like right, they've got the vagina and they've got like and the pee out of a different hole. And my dad was like I never knew that. It was so funny, oh god it's very brutal.
Speaker 1:I can remember it now. Do you know when you get?
Speaker 2:only I only read, to be fair. I only really knew that until I was about twenty one. No, no, I don't blame you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's just like the treasure hole. Yeah, yeah, fucking hell, I think I'm getting warm now thinking about that, the awkwardness of that situation. That was really funny.
Speaker 2:But I mean, you are no any teenage boy. If it's like yeah, obviously, like you know, I'm gonna be like yeah, go on then, mum, yeah, please like yeah, I'd really appreciate that thanks.
Speaker 1:But this is the same family that used to turn over tv programs when any sex scene came on or anything. Do I mean? Or my mum would be like no, you should watch this. This is edgy. Like you're growing up and you know I was like jesus christ, oh my god. Because you can't talk about that sort of stuff with your mum and stuff, can you? Not at all, not even with dad, because I don't know if anybody's the same like that. But the dad is you like, yeah, go on, son, do I mean if it's a male and then if it's girl, like I feel like my dad and my sister have got a much healthier relationship, or stuff like that, like they, I think he's sort of I don't know what the cause they were talking about having kids and stuff, and there's bygones be bygones yeah, exactly, yeah, yeah but my hair husbands are such a he's a really nice fella so you won't play like I don't know.
Speaker 1:It's really weird that, but the awkwardness is what I've always felt that with sex with my family talking about it, it's such an awkward thing to talk about. It's really weird like we're better. We're better about it now. Yeah, but when we were younger it was an old area. We never. Yeah, correct, it was unbelievable, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, I totally, I totally see that point of view, yeah yeah, yeah, yes, that would be awful, yeah, that would be awful.
Speaker 1:And so, after real, what we were talking about, what was the original run?
Speaker 2:just for slacking off parents.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, yeah, yeah, I Think I'd. I think I'd make a good dad. Hmm, I think I would. I think, yeah, you'd be a lot. Yeah, I think I'm funny. I don't think I take things very seriously. I think if anybody like here's the thing on parents.
Speaker 2:I've never got like the whole, like pushing for like an academic narrative thing. No, people love that shit.
Speaker 1:I don't care about that. No, I'm with you, I'm completely. Who cares?
Speaker 2:Yeah, things like where, like it's a very American and all like Potentially, like sort of I don't know, it doesn't feel like something that would be in this country so much. But you know we're like, well, he needs to get straight and then you can have that all we can have straight.
Speaker 1:It's like yeah, maybe they're not up to it. Yeah, yeah, no, we've just divs. Yeah, some people are divs. Yeah, yeah, I was a div. Yeah, he's one is yeah.
Speaker 2:No, I just like. I mean, then, being like nice people and being good at something I'd care about.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I do care about that, like as if they were like really good at something, if they were a proper like athlete or the low we're, like you know, some of them are interested in particularly as well.
Speaker 1:Yeah, good at it.
Speaker 2:I care about that if they literally wanted to do nothing. But you know it's like parents want their children to be like dentists or lawyers, or you're like they live the life again. What a waste of time.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I.
Speaker 1:I genuinely think the psychology that is like. It's like them living their life for their kid again being vicarious because they never made the right choices so they want the kids to do it like. But when you see probably the footballers who dance, it won't let me in the house unless I did 30 Kickups or whatever. So David Beckham's dad yeah exactly, yeah, yeah, I'll Peter Crouch's dad Really. Yeah, I watched his documentary. He was even worse.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's just not very nice, is it? You know it's funny is that? You know that that thing about like that. There's that quote from van Persie and it's on like and See, like Jay Comfort, his podcast, so you know he's just Jesus, it's like thing all over his money. Yeah, where the quote is, it's like van Persie's like kind of bragging. He's not bad, like, but he was just kind of going like, oh, my son was he's playing for final though, something like this, and he goes I should have been in team, you know, I should think I was. Son, you sound like a loser. Yeah, it's like I wanted to tell my son that he's sounded like a loser and it's sort of like gonna be inspiration, it's like. And then it's like, oh, fuck off, I know I'll give him a break. Yeah, fuck it. Like you're trying to give him some sort of Inspirational thing. It's like, yeah, he, probably he's nowhere near as good as you know there's nothing to do with fucking mindset.
Speaker 1:Yeah cock, yeah, no. Yeah, it's not a lot of it, isn't? It's not?
Speaker 2:If your starting point is that you're a seven out of ten. With a hard work you can get to eight and a half. Right. But yeah, if you are a seven out of like, you can get a bit more, but if you're a three you can't get to an eight.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's fun.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, not happening. Yeah, it's absolutely. Don't tell him he's a wingy loser. Not only is he a wingy loser, but he's also no good.
Speaker 1:No, exactly, we'll just say something else building management. Yeah, that is funny, though, because where's building management? Where, like is it?
Speaker 2:Where's he pulled that from?
Speaker 1:knowing me Barrow like that would be the last occupation.
Speaker 2:I don't know what I look like as in. If I was like an orthopedic surgeon or something I would literally there would be. I could live a thousand lives and never be qualified.
Speaker 1:I just can't ever see you.
Speaker 2:I've never seen you change your likable no chance. No chance I. No, no I just Like me, and that's not a fence.
Speaker 1:You've got so many other skills bud. That's just not on your own. Here's the funny thing. You know the iron?
Speaker 2:gym. When I got one at uni once, I couldn't figure out how to assemble it so I smacked it on the floor and broke it, burying a mic. Yeah, exactly that normally like is in. I think you have to have an IQ lower than 16, not out to work that one out.
Speaker 1:No, it comes with instructions.
Speaker 2:No, but I'm pretty sure there's videos of chimps assembling and then it's like and I went fucking hell like that, I spacked it against the floor.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, no, you won't be able to do it.
Speaker 2:Ben, Check right in the foreign minister.
Speaker 1:I can categorically say that building management is not for you. Also, I've met building management and the humans couldn't say it was so you wouldn't like it anyway.
Speaker 2:What job do you think that you'd be least suited to do?
Speaker 1:I don't know, gymnast Comedian. Yeah, I knew that dig was coming.
Speaker 2:Got him.
Speaker 1:Least suited to. It would have to be like middle management or something, would it?
Speaker 2:I said to you this morning I'm all that sick of a diplomat of some sort, like where are you? You'd be like, why can't we all just get along?
Speaker 1:Yeah, but I'd be telling people to fuck off. You know what I'm mean. It's either or it's like. Why is I don't know. I had to argue with my boss not boss, but like he's like the area manager of the company and he said oh, we need to follow our core values. And I was like this sounds like a fucking cult. Do you know what I mean? I don't believe in hierarchy either, because we're all born, I think we're all.
Speaker 2:No, I don't.
Speaker 1:Yeah, exactly yeah. I do not believe in hierarchies whatsoever. It's all bollocks.
Speaker 2:It's a horrible euphemism, though we need to follow our core values. Yeah exactly, yeah. And he's regarded to take the lines that he thinks he has to say yeah, it's brutal.
Speaker 1:I don't know what. I would be less suited to Tell you. What do you think? What job would I be least suited to If we're going on a scale of more suited to.
Speaker 2:So yeah, manual.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm very good at manual work. I'm very good at what would you be?
Speaker 2:shit, what would you be? I think like.
Speaker 1:I feel like I'm quite creative, but everyone does, don't they? I feel like I'm quite creative. I think I'm quite.
Speaker 2:I don't know, I feel like if you worked in a restaurant like I did, like a restaurant house, I feel like you'd tell people to fuck on you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, you're absolutely correct, you're the only one in your rights to do. Yeah, although I did work in a pub for a long time, so yeah, but you did tell people to fuck on you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you worked in a pub badly, yeah, no, I didn't do it very well, son.
Speaker 1:I don't know. I'd like to think about that. Like, maybe be some like an official, like I don't know, some in an official capacity. You know where you've got to be very straight, like yeah, and I'm not trying to be myself, I just it doesn't compute with my yeah. I like to have a bit of a laugh, people and stuff. I don't know, maybe that sounds like I'm. It's like me saying yeah, yeah, no, like I'm basically a chilled out entertainer. So the Gestapo wouldn't suit me, mmm.
Speaker 2:She's eating too badly in the Gestapo, I think.
Speaker 1:I do really well in the Gestapo Nah, I'm joking Maybe somewhere where you've got to be super organised, yeah. Like if we're being like in a good way, like An event planner, yeah, like someone like that, I just can't be asked like.
Speaker 2:No, I mean it's really weird. I've met a lot of people that are like, oh, I work in events. I'm like that's well fucking boring. Yeah, exactly, Sorry, I know I've listened to some of it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, some people love it, and if you do, you do, but yeah.
Speaker 2:But it's got to be just like eh.
Speaker 1:What do you think you'd be listening to? Yeah, building management is probably your least suit. Yeah, it's like cleaning of any scene Cleaning.
Speaker 2:Cleaning yeah, If I was a professional cleaner like, the agency would get rung below this bloke. Yeah, no yeah, yeah, that wouldn't last five minutes, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you could even even wet the cloth, like I keep my house tidy clean, but not compared to some people's standards.
Speaker 2:I guess You're a bit like more like less thingy than me about it, living in a pigsty. Yeah, but you're not, but I'm all right with that. Yeah, well, fair enough.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I never thought it was a pigsty, but like, yeah, I don't know, it's funny, isn't it? What would you, okay, what would have you ever spoken to your dad? Like, for instance, my dad once said to me oh, I reckon I'd be a well-good stand-up. Oh, yeah, you know what I mean? I should have never said that to you Dad's thinking the funny thing.
Speaker 2:No, he doesn't I mean, but he often, like, tells me that he's got these premises of jokes. Yeah yeah, yeah, but they're often like half-cooked and I sort of say to him like but dad, like it needs, there's no like punchline there. He sort of gives me a quarter of a joke and then goes, yeah, you can do something.
Speaker 1:It never reflects how funny they are, though, is it? No, that's what you? I find it so interesting.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's a good point.
Speaker 1:So, like I think, my dad's really funny yeah my dad's funny, but if he ever tells me the premise of a joke like usually, yeah, it's normally something from like comedians that like like Bernard Manning would say yeah, yeah, yeah, like Frank Carson, like it's sort of like it's like they put in their own spin on a bad premise, like it's really weird. Yeah, so yeah, yeah, parents are fucking narcissistic, not jobs.
Speaker 2:As far as I'm concerned, yeah, cheers guys.
Speaker 1:Bye you.