imagine relationships with trial periods and quarterly reviews. We chew the fat on this workplace-esque approach to romance, complete with performance scorecards and the tantalizing possibility of avoiding that 'til death do us part' trap.
We talk helping people move and being volunteered for tasks on your day off, we get real about the art of saying "no. how dare you ?"
imagine relationships with trial periods and quarterly reviews. We chew the fat on this workplace-esque approach to romance, complete with performance scorecards and the tantalizing possibility of avoiding that 'til death do us part' trap.
We talk helping people move and being volunteered for tasks on your day off, we get real about the art of saying "no. how dare you ?"
I've also eaten erm vegan sausage rolls. Are you ashamed? I'm not, but it's meant to be a monster hit for the famous fairs. I promise you. The President has a big step, but I'm telling you now, and not an old mate me now, I didn't want to say it as in front of the people he will go right to the very top, right to the very top. If that is not, a great tip.
Speaker 2:That's his job.
Speaker 1:Ready when you are. Here we go. Gratton Rants.
Speaker 2:Yay, yay, the lads are back again. Hello everyone, Hello Erm. Another edition of Gratton Rants. This, I would say, is not really necessarily a gripe that I have with the world but more a suggestion, but it is a rant.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you well entitled Erm. My thoughts, mr Marrow, is that I think what would be a really good idea is if relationships would run like rolling contracts. How much of a game changer. What do you mean, rolling contract? Well, like you renew it like a month and then just have the option to just be like no, I don't want to do it. Like transfers, Erm, yeah.
Speaker 1:So you are you tied into a contract?
Speaker 2:No, so like, let's say, there's a kind of a commitment all like, because marriage is the problem with it, it's quite indefinite. Yeah, that's my big issue with it. Right, right, you're in it for the long haul. And then you know, obviously, people like Jordan Peterson. He loves marriage. Yes, well, even if you hate each other, you've got to stay married for the children, yeah, so, but what I think would be good, what would definitely like make me feel better, is if I got into, like a relationship with someone. Okay.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Erm, if it was like okay, let's sign a six week contract and you see how you do, like a six week review, yeah, how it's going. What do you have at work, erm? What's it called?
Speaker 1:Erm, that's like a review, isn't it An?
Speaker 2:employee review An employee? No, but you have like a period. What is it? Oh yeah, People keep an eye on you. Probation, Probation period.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:Yeah, where it's like, if someone says something a bit racist, it's an incident. You can be like look, we can't do this.
Speaker 1:Yeah, or if you're really racist and you like it.
Speaker 2:we're saying we're going to keep this, you get six months, don't you, most companies, six month probation?
Speaker 1:Is it Before you like.
Speaker 2:I think, yeah, I feel like what would be good. I think three months, let's meet in the middle. Yeah, if someone was like that, then I would feel so much better. I would actually feel way more relaxed about them, because it's like if I had the option in three months of being like look, erm, probably going to look for somewhere else.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:But you know it was fun.
Speaker 1:You could. Can you not just do this anyway? Are you on an official document?
Speaker 2:No, no, yeah, yeah. But the problem with it is that when you get into like a relationship with someone, is that there's an expectation that you kind of just go and go and go until it really doesn't work yeah that's the issue.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's people's emotional feelings though, isn't it? Yeah, because just let me play devil's advocate Some people will, just can just walk away from people or go after three months. Yeah, some people can do that, they can, but most people's emotions that keep them like that or they feel like, let's say, feel sorry for them or yeah, but the thing is is like so I've had this a few times, like as in are you familiar with situationships, maro, are you familiar? We're late at me. Yeah, I've been with ten.
Speaker 2:For people, yeah, so for people that don't know. I think most people. It's more like you use them on 25 year olds, so we're older geezers now, aren't we? Yeah, just in Germany. But situationships is like where you're not seeing someone. They might not be exclusive, or maybe you are just seeing them but you're not officially boyfriend and girlfriend. You have a bit of a less of a pressure around it. Yeah, but generalising for women wants a bit more Right.
Speaker 1:Let's get that out the way. Generally, generally speaking, speaking truth.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but, yeah, so like, but there's, there's, it's not like oh, let's, you don't verbalize. Let's see where we are in two months time, even though that's kind of what I'm thinking about my head, yeah. Yeah, I'm like you know this might doesn't necessarily have the legs to push it through, but I'm enjoying.
Speaker 1:I've just gotten an image of you with a clipboard going like Well, your banter is seven out of ten, which is good score, do you mean? But your conversations in Wagga Mamas? You've got three out of ten for that.
Speaker 2:This is what goes on. This is this is.
Speaker 1:This is how I actually feel about grading scale for the, so sometimes sorry you know, sorry so you. So you won an open.
Speaker 2:No, it can still be exclusive. Yeah, it can still be exclusive, but you just have an expectation. It's like, look, let's just review this in a little while.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so that's the way the video you want, like an understanding Between two of you that we're gonna see how this goes and no had feelings if either one of us wants to leave after.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's like. Look, that was written on the paper. Yeah, yeah, you say you can't argue with that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, isn't romance dead like that? A few it's already dead.
Speaker 2:You know, yeah, this is will delve into this. It is. It is already dead, though, isn't it? Who are you? Who are you, ben? I've got a really lousy podcast.
Speaker 1:Just won't say I think you're a great guy.
Speaker 2:I don't know why.
Speaker 1:No, but that's yeah. You mean, yeah, we've somebody you love, though you can't really do some people fall in love with in the first week.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but I mean, by the way, I do think that does happen.
Speaker 1:Yeah, a lot of people.
Speaker 2:I've spoken to people that like no, no, that doesn't happen. I think women women generally, you know actually like Across the boards, they tend to fall in love a lot slower slower than many things. Yeah, biologically it's probably a bit of better for them that they do that.
Speaker 1:Oh, yeah, yeah, I don't know the bungalows like us, do they?
Speaker 2:yeah, yeah, they're getting a bad deal. Yeah, someone like me where they're like. Oh, I really care about you, I'm just like well.
Speaker 1:I hate him, but he was.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we had to review everything we did kept on doing impressions, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't know Brian cloth is. Yeah, I doubt. Quite frankly, I don't want to know.
Speaker 2:They were really funny, but I don't know. I just think. I think like that would be if I had to propose like, saying like I was in government. That would be in my manifest, though I'd be like we're gonna do, like is, and there's no pressure around that, all right, okay, here's. Here's a big issue, right is that? If you not observed married couples, it's like, yeah, they get so bored of each other.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know like where you're just filled traps in your own bedroom and you're like I wish this other person would fuck off and I don't have to make another person a cup of tea.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, I bet 90% of the human race thinks like yeah. Being with somebody for a long time is a hard that there's anything with anybody.
Speaker 2:There's apparently a lot of like. There's celebrity couples I'll tell you afterwards I don't think that's a name them but where they literally live on like different wings of the house. Yeah, they both sort of know that they sort of bang other people, but it's sort of like, yeah, fine, but we're, but we're here for the kids and I do. I like 60% of your personality.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, because you can't like everything everyone does. No, it's very rare you find that in people.
Speaker 2:Yeah, generally nicer people are a bit more bland though, aren't they? Yeah, boring, yeah, generally, the better the person, I think Generally again, there are some exceptions, but generally when people are really nice, they generally don't kind of give you that like resistance to where you kind of have that flair. But on the other hand, people that are sort of dramatic and give you that resistance, it's untenable, because you're like I'm just emotionally exhausted by this.
Speaker 1:Actually that's the variables that wouldn't work within the contract innit, so obviously.
Speaker 2:Yeah, for three months you go. Do you know what? That was fun or that was boring. I'll move on. No one you know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I just think you can do that. Yeah, but I understand what you mean. You should be more accepted in society when you're with somebody. Like, was it you Were you near somebody when you were seeing a girl and then she was like you said I'm not that interested. She was like I can't believe you're doing this to me. I have to like one day and submit. Oh yeah, do you remember that? That was really weird. She was like I cannot believe. You were like you're an evil person. You was like I only met you last night.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that was a clanger, but I had 10 missed calls from her. But this is what we're dealing with on the scale of, but that's not even getting past the probation period.
Speaker 1:No, no, not at all, that is just you're fired.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I remember she came in. I'm sorry. She grabbed me outside for a chat, like two weeks later, and I was like when I was out with my mates and she was like why are you being like this, Jack?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I have the same thing and I was like what yeah? What was it? I remember going home with a girl. I was working at the pub, going home with her and then, like a week later, a friend saw me and she was like you haven't called her. And I was like, call them. She was like, and then that's horrible. Two months later she's like I'm going to Australia next week and I was like I have a really nice time. Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 2:As if I was going to be like don't go, it's a.
Speaker 1:It's a mess. We sound really bad, by the way. We sound like a bit of a Braggart wanker.
Speaker 2:We'll probably cut this out. But no, it's funky man. Bunch of cats talking. What do you say? Rolling on the backs, good idea.
Speaker 1:I'm trying to play devil's advocate against you then?
Speaker 2:Yeah, but you can't because you're like that's a great idea.
Speaker 1:It is a great idea, I think so. It's a great idea, Look I. I just think you take all romance out of it.
Speaker 2:No, that's fine, it's already dead For you. Yeah, no, it is for a lot of people. You think so. Yeah, I mean, there's people that I've observed, I've known, or friends. Let's say friends of friends, just so I don't discriminate myself, but I go fuck it now. How boring are they? Like it'll be. Like there's a certain stage where people sort of they do stop buying, like picture frames, and that's the Saturday.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:It's brutal, isn't it? Garden Centre's the best, Absolutely brutal. I'm like there is no fucking way I'm gonna live my life like that. Some people are really happy, like that. I had a chat with my brother and he said to me that he was like I just don't think you'll cut out for all the dad stuff and that.
Speaker 1:And I'm like I don't know if.
Speaker 2:I am.
Speaker 1:Your brother's a real motivational speaker anyway.
Speaker 2:He really, really isn't. I know a story where my brother said I did really well this week, you know.
Speaker 1:My brother said yeah, you're a knobhead, but you do breathe oxygen. Well, that's the one thing you do. You are a knobhead but, to be fair, you're also a wanker.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but I sort of semi-agree with that Because I've had friends right that they tell me that they're weekend. They're basically I'm like, what are you up to at the weekend? And I like, although I last met, I'm like, yeah, going on a few dates and I'm like it's so much fun. Getting drunk and going on dates is really really fun.
Speaker 1:Yeah, not everybody's got that ability to do that, have they?
Speaker 2:Yeah, but all right, I think people can go on dates. The majority of people can have fun going on dates, but it's a lot of fun. Because, dates can end horrendously.
Speaker 1:Closer can. Yeah, that's the fun of it, isn't it? Or they can be brilliant. You never know what's going to happen. Yeah, it's a coin toss, yeah no-transcript with one of my mates.
Speaker 2:I remember speaking to him a while ago and then I said what you doing with your weekend? He goes. Oh yeah, it's really annoying. Like one of my friends, they're moving and they've asked if we can help them move.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And I just thought, god, there's no way that I'd do that. No, absolutely not. Well, give it like as in. Let's say, like you're working hard all week and you've got to move stuff for six hours with your mate.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, fuck off Like man.
Speaker 2:Absolutely not like pay for a removal thing. I could not agree by the way, we'll all have a pizza, yeah.
Speaker 1:I could not agree. I went and stood up and clapped, then I could not agree with you more than like doing it now, that is.
Speaker 2:I would feel like that's your time of the week. How dare you ask me to help you move that? Is I didn't decide any of this. That is outright. If you get no time off and your weekend is helping other couples move stuff, I got a little bit of trouble once with my mate, Rob is moving to Manchester.
Speaker 1:He won't let me say this. And he was messaging me saying from London to Manchester and I live in Leicester. And he was like wondering if you can help me, like drive down in your van and drive me across the Manchester with all my stuff. And I was like you want me to empty my entire van out of all the stores on a Saturday? No, first of all. So he prefaced it with, like you three, at any point this week They've got a day off, so like. So he got in. And then you want me to drive your time to London, which is two and a half hours away. You live, took in traffic and then drive three hours up to Manchester, yeah, but these people think they are.
Speaker 2:We had a bit. I would never, ever insinuate. Even we had a laugh about it.
Speaker 1:And then on Instagram on his birthday do you know, when people post happy birthday I put something along the lines of don't ever fucking ask me to move you ever again, you selfish cunt. I hope we can go back 30 years ago when your dad before your dad made that mistake or something and I said it was a really mean thing. I said, but to me and him that was really funny and people were messaging me have you two really fallen out? All right, yeah, it was, it was, but I was living. He asked me to do it on my day off.
Speaker 2:I? Yeah, it's not even the fact. Of course you'd say no, but like it's even just someone asking you below, what was you like? No, if you're on the motorway stranded, I'll still say yeah, good luck with it, Best of luck but if you are on the motorway stranded, yeah, you help someone out, but just just sort of a removal van Pay 100 quid.
Speaker 1:And oh yeah. It's a factor into you moving as well. It's a piece. Yeah, it's like yeah, but I read your laugh with Robby's. He'd left, it's like last week and he said I didn't matter, so expensive it was, which translated to. I thought you were going to just say yes, yeah, yeah, absolutely not.
Speaker 2:There was one of my mates a few years ago as well. I remember he needed to like decorate his room and his girlfriend just went oh, would Jack help you with it? I was like no, no, I won't. No, I just was like I know that and what? I'm going to waste eight hours of my time. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I thought no, but it was the way that she tried to help me, to get me to do it.
Speaker 1:That's so that she and I was like no, why do people?
Speaker 2:I thought, of course I'm not going to do it. I was like, and I was like, but that, how would that be fun for me?
Speaker 1:Yeah, first of all, they obviously don't know you that.
Speaker 2:Well, I was like, no, like, I was like you joking.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I get volunteer for that sort of stuff all the time. You know, because I'm a carpenter, I get volunteer like Sam will come around and do it. Oh no, and I'm like no chance. No, they need the kitchen wall units falling off the wall and I'm like they live like an hour and a half. Yeah, but just.
Speaker 2:Are they paying you? No, that is a pester. No, no, no, no, no. These people can go fuck themselves.
Speaker 1:No, that's what I 100%. I was like they'll have to eat the dinner off the floor then, don't? I mean? I don't know what you want me to say. I don't care for the.
Speaker 2:It's almost like it's mate. I'm getting angry.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm actually, I'm actually living. I'm actually living.
Speaker 2:I'm apocalyptic about it, I'm getting well angry. No, it's I mean, but that is what it is. I mean. That does reflect married life for people, though.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you've got a very cynical view towards marriage.
Speaker 2:No I don't it's very realistic? No, I agree with you. I think it's real bore.
Speaker 1:I agree with you, although I do see couples that are happy and when, and who Just people I know who are like really fun people, like whenever I see them, like my brother and his wife, they're really content and fun and they have a good time. But yeah, now they must be fucking sick of each other. But I don't know if they'll give each other the space or whatever. I don't know, because I don't see them every day, but I know I couldn't do it. Also, I don't see the point in being married to somebody.
Speaker 2:I don't know. I just remember being in. Like the longest relationship I had was three years, but like it just got to the point. It's like I just want to go to the shops and get my own stuff, yeah, and I don't want to have to then go. Oh well, now I have to make food for you as well. Like I'm talking about. I'm not saying I won't, I'm never doing that, I'm just being like every day, yeah why does a bag of chips cost me 40 quid?
Speaker 1:No, I mean, do you think we're?
Speaker 2:coming out of this world.
Speaker 1:It should be after that. Yeah, we're coming out of this world. We're not in the slayers, coming out of this world.
Speaker 2:I think this is such a bad PR. Do you know what? Everyone must feel like this. You're like. No, make your own fucking cup of tea. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, do it yourself. You useless bin yeah.
Speaker 1:Volunteer getting volunteered for stuff.
Speaker 2:When my mates go over and said, oh, jack will do it, it was like no, he fucking won't.
Speaker 1:No, oh, it's like oh, we've got Absolutely not yeah do you want to go see I don't know Fucking Some of the you would never be into. Like Nicki Minaj is on tour. I've got no his girlfriend. Oh god, I've got her in the crowd. Like they're super based. I wish I wasn't here, yeah, but I'm doing it for somebody.
Speaker 2:Do you know what, though? But, like I mean, this is separate, we can round off on this. But, like my family, I know this isn't necessarily related to rolling contract, but in terms of just being bored, and I know I've really had a rant on festivals. But it's good now, though, because I've really laid down a marker within my family of sort of just being like of not accepting things that aren't Fun for me.
Speaker 1:It's great when you can people accept that?
Speaker 2:you accept? No, it's gone like. So. Now For for my stepmoms birthday. I think they're gonna go and see Mulan Rouge at some point. Yeah, but my dad just said to me says, are you coming to that or you just want to come to the meal? Yeah, I'll go to the meal.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's fine, I don't want to sit so much, two hours.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'll Come to the pub after it's not I don't spend time with people, yeah, but you know, I just, I just want to leave at any point. I couldn't agree with you more. It's so bad.
Speaker 1:I did that. We're going back to what we said. I dip out a nice hour sometimes and stuff if I'm not really enjoying it. Oh, I'm sick of doing things I don't want to do. Yeah, I don't want to do it anymore.
Speaker 2:You do like this podcast, do you like it? Is that what you were? Yeah, and second view yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know having to come down to London.
Speaker 2:No but I think that's. Do you know what it was? As I went to the pub a few weeks ago, there was someone in the like and it was just rammed Mm-hmm. I was like I'm not, like this is, I can't, and it's so noisy, I'm fucking boy. Yeah, exactly I just want to leave.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm not enjoying it.
Speaker 2:I'm. I kept on thinking that are we gonna leave? Are we gonna leave? Are we gonna get? And when I get to that point, you're like this is bollocks. So I mean you spend another 15 quid on a drink like it's like this is bullshit.
Speaker 1:And then spend 40 years doing that, being married, oh god, no, I mean, yeah, it's a work is land dancing he's doing. He's land dancing because his wife what I didn't do it now, and it's just you just have to say no. Yeah, but he's like I Suppose you've got compromise Right people. Some people become the codependent. Only that's the thing with marriage and some people have. Some people have genuinely happy Married and have a great time of lovely kids, and some people turn into just narcissistic psychopaths.
Speaker 2:Hmm, first ex I had was a real drag, just a real down, yeah, yeah. I do know that relationships have different vibes. Yeah, but, like God, it was a drag, that was a graft. You remember when, like you know, when Rio Ferdinand so for those of the international, he's an English footballer when he used to talk about playing for England as opposed to Manu, he'd go. We all, we played against Lichtenstein. Of course, that was a graft. Yeah, that just felt like a graph just all the time.
Speaker 1:Oh, when you used to wake up in the morning like, are we gonna have a good day today, depending on the mood of the person who woke up.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, do I not miss that? I can't put that in your head.
Speaker 2:Sit down for two hours.
Speaker 1:Why would I defend it in any way?
Speaker 2:Right and I think People are gonna agree with us. I don't necessarily think we came up as well, but in terms of, I think, a relationship role in contracts.
Speaker 1:Yeah, three years from me. Yeah, absolutely yeah.
Speaker 2:I mean okay, everyone, we hope you enjoyed that.
Speaker 1:Bye Bye. I.