Hold onto your hats; we're not just about laughs—prepare for a dive into the ethics of comedy. This episode features stories of awkward moments with tough crowds and hecklers, peppered with personal anecdotes about staying afloat in the unpredictable seas of comedy gigs. We'll also pull back the curtain on the delicate dance of impressions and joke ownership, all while dissecting the critiquing culture that comes with the territory. And if you've ever wondered how celebrities might fare in a mock prison, our take on reality TV's "Banged Up" will have you questioning the Grattan grading scale once again.
Hold onto your hats; we're not just about laughs—prepare for a dive into the ethics of comedy. This episode features stories of awkward moments with tough crowds and hecklers, peppered with personal anecdotes about staying afloat in the unpredictable seas of comedy gigs. We'll also pull back the curtain on the delicate dance of impressions and joke ownership, all while dissecting the critiquing culture that comes with the territory. And if you've ever wondered how celebrities might fare in a mock prison, our take on reality TV's "Banged Up" will have you questioning the Grattan grading scale once again.
I've also eaten erm vegan sausage rolls. Are you ashamed? I'm not that it's meant to be a monster hit for the famous fairs.
Speaker 2:I promise you, the President has a big step. But I'm telling you now, and not an old mate me now, I didn't want to say it as you've got to be a champion, but he will go right to the very top, right to the very top.
Speaker 1:If that is not a great tip, that's his job. Should we pour a little tiddler?
Speaker 2:Yes, let's have a beer, little vodka, dude.
Speaker 1:Do you know, like when I've said to people sometimes when I'm like you should definitely go for a beer, and they go. I don't really drink beer, I don't even mind, I'm like, well, yeah, it's just about like going for a drink have you ever had? People do. I've had about four people do. They go. I don't drink beer.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, yeah, I don't get. I've only had at least two or three people do that to me since I've said it and I'm like no we've got to have a beer.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so we're taking it quite literally.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, it's more about.
Speaker 1:You don't even have to have alcohol.
Speaker 2:Yeah, maybe I should say go to the pub. Yeah, I don't know, it's funny though.
Speaker 1:So I was saying like I remember once I said, like get a pen and paper, and they're like is it okay if I have a pencil, Right? Yeah, no, it's fine, it's more just, if you can, just whatever it is it's easy for you to retain the information, to do that.
Speaker 2:Stop taking everything at first value.
Speaker 1:That's French dude, it is funny, isn't it, when people take things like very literally.
Speaker 2:They're super seriously.
Speaker 1:Today. What was quite funny was someone in one of my classes. They people always go. Can I ask a question and really, like you, never know what's going to come? Yeah, yeah there doesn't really seem to be an in between of something mildly sensible. It's always either something good or really silly. Someone said oh, is it okay? Like I introduced it, are you allowed to tickle people? Of which I said just get on with the spa.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, just get on with it, yeah yeah, it was funny.
Speaker 1:Like the guy he's a, he's a, he's a really nice kid, like he always asked me questions, but he's just like legitimately, with a straight face. But are we allowed to tickle each other? Curious to see that I quite like he's, like he's a very curious kid, yeah, yeah, but you know like we yeah. I'm just. Sometimes, if you answer every question, you can't get anything done.
Speaker 2:Yeah, of course, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:You need to if anybody got any questions when I, when I, when I've taught, um, uh, jiu-jitsu and self-defense, like corporately, yeah, I would always ask people. I'm like, if they got any questions, ask them at the end Um, keep it to yourself, yeah, but people always the reason I did that. One, obviously, just to kind of. You know people will. If you're teaching like an hour seminar, um, you know you can cover a tiny percentage of things, yeah, but two, it's very, very amusing for me personally. Like someone would be, like someone said once um, what would you do if someone comes up behind you and wax you in the head with a bat?
Speaker 2:Falls to the ground and I know no no, no sense of humor.
Speaker 1:Just straight out, yet Like can you imagine how I answered that? What's a fucking idiot. I was like well, you just hope that A&E is running efficiently. It's such an alien concept.
Speaker 2:I don't know the idea of like. What does it expect to be like on Club Van Damme? Well, I do a backflip as the bat was coming towards me. Hear the bat coming and move out the way. I duck, spin, kick and then probably do an energy punch.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's weird that. And I normally say like, okay, well, this is what I would do. If Francis in Garno, like um, punched me in the head, I said what I'd do is I'd curl up into a ball and I'll ask him nicely to stop.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I'd go, ah bastard. Ow ow, ow, that really hurts.
Speaker 1:What you should do is say ow, get off.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And phone the police. It's so funny Like people in corporate environments. Sometimes they are quite literal people If you've got people that just literally work behind the desk.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I was plastering some of these wall ones in a house and the woman was like how can you see which bit you've done? And I was like it's the bit I've just done.
Speaker 1:You know he kind of go well, it's, yeah, it's the bit.
Speaker 2:This is the first time I've ever done this. You see, it's really weird how people say things. Or I fit in the kitchen and some guy was like what do you do if you break like the wet top? I'll be like, I'll just leave it, I guess. What do you think? I'll get a new one, which is hope that we don't. What would you do if I do like, do we? I don't think you think differently because you've got the skill. I don't, I don't know, I think so. Whoever asked you about that bat thing absolutely has seen too many Steven Seagal movies.
Speaker 1:Combined with sort of having a lack of awareness and a sense of humor.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, if the ask it straight first.
Speaker 1:That was very you know like, where I sort of had to ask her to repeat us. I was like sorry, what like? What do you mean?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And then she was like no, what would you do if someone comes up on you? You're not an Avenger, yeah, and say, well, we go through an evolutionary process where we design eyes on the backs of our heads.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:And can move quicker Fucking hell. It's sort of like what would you do if someone put you in a bag where your legs and hands are bound and you've been thrown in the sea.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:You would probably breathe for three minutes and you would drown.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:That's what's going to happen. Really. It's like I'm very, you know, I'm limited to what I can really kind of give you here.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm not a magic Jiu-Jitsu coach.
Speaker 2:Yeah, your mom. Earlier I was fixing her door for it and she had Phillips head screws and one slotted screw. And I was like have you got a slotted screwdriver? And she went can't you just do it with that? And I was like no, I didn't think of that. Why did they ask for one?
Speaker 1:I was like no, I'm sorry, that's a very my mom's question.
Speaker 2:I'm sorry, she was so sweet. She was like, oh, does that not work on it? And I was like, no, that's why I'm asking you for a slotted screwdriver in the nicest way possible.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, I can really imagine her asking something like that.
Speaker 2:But Louis CK used to do a funny thing with like hecklers or questions. He was like I think it was Louis CK where he's like if anybody's got any questions or heckles, what I want you to do is write on a little piece of paper, fold it up, put it in your pocket and then, after the gig, kill yourself, because this is not a rhetorical thing, yeah it's funny, isn't it?
Speaker 1:Like the idea of heckling people. It's such a self-centered thing to do it really. For me, it really derives from somewhere.
Speaker 2:Really don't know to behave at a comedy gig, do they? Some people don't. Some people do it, some people want to be part of it. The majority of people do. What really makes me laugh is when people are saying like I'm getting kicked out for for doing nothing and I'll say that's not why they got up and that's why they're kicking you out. You did nothing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so yeah, exactly, let's play this scenario.
Speaker 2:I was in the bit where you were calling that block of dickhead for 15 minutes.
Speaker 1:Yeah, when you insulted his children.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:It's sort of like. It's sort of I was only a joke.
Speaker 2:Oh wait, the bit where you answered your phone in the middle of the thing. I mean we're doing nothing. It's no responsibility, personal responsibility, have you ever any really?
Speaker 1:rowdy crowds yeah.
Speaker 2:I've had a few. I've had some guys kicked out and threaten the bouncers and stuff and really yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's weird. I've waited for a comedy night. You know I people are here to laugh.
Speaker 2:No that's. I mean that there's a. There was a great thing. There's a comic on before me and it was the on the background. It was a. I think it was like Wickham comedy club. He said on it and this woman that we're talking about with different areas, and he was talking basically he was from the area and he's like this bit to shit all this bits of things. She's like, well, I've lived there for five years and I don't think it's a shit all. And he's like, well then, yeah, the other problem then he was giving it all that and so I don't think you should say that about these places. And he's pointing to the sand is like what do you think we are? He's not speak as cool.
Speaker 2:Yeah he's pointing to the comedy club. He's like do you know what? You're a comedy club. There's something dragged you here like.
Speaker 1:People are so silly.
Speaker 2:Yeah, she got so offended by it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, imagine like you should, I.
Speaker 2:I'm gonna take a stab at the back and say you shouldn't be here.
Speaker 1:No, I mean, I don't think you really get this.
Speaker 2:I said to a blocky and can you give this blocky's money back? Before he was in the front, a front crowd, you just staring daggers at me like, and I was like are you alright? He said he's like yeah, and I was like that's very defensive. Yes, Do you know me? But I was like I said to them I was like I cannot concentrate on anybody else because you look like I like have Did I like I don't know what?
Speaker 1:I've I done. What have I done?
Speaker 2:Do you know what I mean? I can't remember what I said to him, but he was just staring at like like I was one of the worst human beings he's ever seen and I was like you better give this blocky's money back, because he is not enjoying this whatsoever. Give Miss Money back. And I was like these people are laughing like yeah.
Speaker 1:But I wouldn't answer me. Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 2:He's like move on, keep going, move on. Sorry guys, we're coming over on this, bloke's just wants to. And he got up and left. Geez, it was really weird because I was. I was almost stunned. I didn't know what's what to say, like I kept asking what's mine? He's like move on, mate. And I was like I'm not moving on.
Speaker 1:So no, the thing is, you can't lose. Yeah, yeah, I said well, we will sit here.
Speaker 2:I'm not moving on to you tell me what the matter is. We was. I will stand there for 10.
Speaker 1:Got eight minutes left and the thing the thing is as well is that Like that's gonna be funnier than anything People and then somebody was like another bloke in the back was like get it, get him out.
Speaker 2:And I was like you got a new calm down as well. I was like did you all have a row before I got yet?
Speaker 1:It's like their Christmas did.
Speaker 2:Atmosphere's. A few peter files in testimony I.
Speaker 1:Turn it up to that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's a bad job.
Speaker 1:I didn't say that right but yeah, you know, I mean last time.
Speaker 2:Fucking hell. I know it was. It was weird. People's attitudes are strange, do you also?
Speaker 1:are I? I think this was at the first gig I ever ever did we so in Camden. So this was 2009. I'd sat back down in the audience and was watching everyone else and then the spoke was talking you know, like being being like he shouldn't have been talking or whatever but then one of the comedians like lost his right, like it was like went from humor To I think actually they performed on another night. So there was we were like splitting groups of two, but the guy from the other night. He comes over to this bloke in the crowd and I'm sat like three or four people away from him and he goes Mate, you want to stop fucking talking? I can take you outside and teach you some fucking manners if you want really Can't be doing that, so and also the comedian was about what?
Speaker 1:five foot nine. This bloke was like six foot five and he can immediately back down.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I suppose you're in a position of yeah, can't be threatening people, though, so I don't think so.
Speaker 1:I think like he all he needed to do was like make stop talking. But he, like he went off on this geezer, like, like, like, went right in his face and was like I'll teach you some fucking manners, okay now that's.
Speaker 2:That's another extreme like. I get it I think Stuart Lee do that got mental at somebody really.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, in Northampton. Yeah, because guy guys phone went off twice and he's stamping his feet going 10, you fucking phone off, really screaming at him. I've worked out, do you know what I mean? Hmm, yeah, yeah, that's a bit extreme, though. I've thrown somebody out for a fight.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's that's also not really acceptable, although you understand it.
Speaker 2:but it's not acceptable, I do but to that extent is a bit is a bit humorless, it is it was like you want to create a what's the word? Where you like set a tone, yeah, but it's not a very nice one to set that I would have people like did people laugh at his set afterwards?
Speaker 1:I don't think that he was on that night, but he was one that he was. I think he was the group that performed on another evening.
Speaker 2:Oh, so maybe this guy was winded him up over the course of time, or was the guy doing anything better?
Speaker 1:Yeah, he was just being obstreperous, like he was just laughing and like sort of slightly just Detracting from what's going on on the stage? Yeah so it needed addressing.
Speaker 2:That's fair.
Speaker 1:But not like that rule down it. Both of them are in the wrong.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:It was awkward.
Speaker 2:Have you ever done anything like heckled or done anything of that nature?
Speaker 1:No, no, I just think you get what you deserve if you heckle.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I agree.
Speaker 1:But I don't know, I feel like with people that heckles that they have a secret there. They sort of handed an underlying Need to Be put in their place. Yeah, I feel like it's sort of masochistic. It's like, please, please, abuse me.
Speaker 2:Yeah you've got a set set. Set the tone.
Speaker 1:Really I knew early on cuz I'm some of Jimmy Carrs DVDs. There's a there's the same heckler in like two or three of them.
Speaker 2:I reckon he sets them up me.
Speaker 1:So it's either potentially set up or the guy's like a perennial, like weird fan and he's turning up. But it's filmed, though, so you think they'd be aware of yeah, but I think some comedians Encourage it.
Speaker 2:There's a gig on Edinburgh that encourages heckles. I thought I just don't find it funny.
Speaker 1:No, is it just disruptive?
Speaker 2:Yeah, when they're not. Nobody ever know hecklers ever been. That funny has it Never been.
Speaker 1:A world-class heckle is they, I think sometimes people can of which it's bad. It's really bad for the comedian if the hecklers funny.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So that on that same Jimmy Carthing said, jimmy Carl says can anyone think of a superpower? And the guy says China, or like the US.
Speaker 2:That's funny, I think that's funny yeah.
Speaker 1:No, there was a Jason Manford one where he says like oh, is anyone here been mugged? And the guy bloke was saying goes, yeah. And he goes, where was it? And he goes at the bar Stuff like that's good, yeah, that's for me. That's quite innocuous, like that's quite witty. That's the.
Speaker 2:I don't think you interrupt in the show, really no, because he did ask a question.
Speaker 1:But I think I think that's the best you're gonna hope for in terms of the audience interacting. But then there's the people that would come into your gigs where they're like, well, I don't think it's a shit. I've had a few of them.
Speaker 2:Oh, when I tried to do a bit of material on the Tory party, but I'm not as educated as I'd like to be on the subject. So somebody came up to me after some days, come up to me after the gig, and there was, like you can't just say these things and just fuck off. I don't really entertain it.
Speaker 1:No, it's sort of like can you just contain these grievances to a toilet wall.
Speaker 2:I had a round with a comedian. Funnily enough I was doing a gig with coffee in Oxford years ago and this comedian had been on Britain's Got Talent. But he was doing impressions, but he was doing other people's material.
Speaker 1:Hmm.
Speaker 2:So you do an impression of Billy Connolly but he do billing like three minutes from Billy McBilly. Fucking hell from Billy Connolly, yeah, and I was like you can't fucking do that, like you're not doing an impression of him, you're doing his set. Hmm and he's like no, I'm doing, I'm doing impression of Billy and I was like you're doing his material, he's doing other people's material, but for some reason I was really against it.
Speaker 1:Like really, if he's going, oh, this is really probably walking into a fishmongers.
Speaker 2:No, no, he was, he was basically. He was doing his job. He did the long range snooker for dickheads and all the famous mints and the crowd were like loving it. That's odd. Yeah, it was really strange. It wasn't even that good of an impression either.
Speaker 1:It's weird, really odd.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because the guy's dad came over and he's like he's just trying to be entertaining and do it, and I was like, oh, fuck off, I mean you fuck off as well. Yeah, and coffee had to like come because coffee's, coffee's giggy had to come. A sort of calm it down. I don't know why I got on such my horse about it, but I just didn't like it. I mean he shouldn't be doing that. No I said.
Speaker 1:You said as well, as occasionally promoters will like give you notes and things like that.
Speaker 2:They'll still say it's family friendly and stuff, until I don't say this and that. But I don't really pay any attention to that.
Speaker 1:No, but I like as in I've seen it before like where people like literally afterwards they go oh, this didn't work. Oh yeah, no, I've had somebody say that to me yet.
Speaker 2:Somebody said you should look at the crowd more or Do stuff like that, and I was like, well, I'm just I'm. That was years ago. It's really inappropriate. I'm just letting.
Speaker 1:I was letting my absolute if you walked up to them and said how do you think I could improve? That's fair, yeah, but I think other comedians just Giving each other advice or notes or whatever, when in the context of you don't really know each other, you're sat in the green room.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, I totally. One comedian told me my diction should be better. They should understand what I say more. And I'm like well, I'm northern. I mean, I've been alright so far.
Speaker 1:Everybody's appropriate.
Speaker 2:Yeah, also, I Stopped. Sure I didn't say it to him. I wish I did, but I was like you were shit. Yeah, I mean, but you can't get nice Sort of arguments. I wouldn't do that.
Speaker 1:I want you to now no, but that doesn't help anybody does it? Well, it helps me. I'd really enjoy that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, yeah, next time you come see me, we'll do that.
Speaker 1:All right, we'll start a Ruckus with how funny would that be. Yeah, that is odd. Like to me that's just so inappropriate, just sort of telling people how they people love. Subjective people love telling you how to do stuff or imagine if someone was like told Jack D, maybe you should lighten up.
Speaker 2:Yeah, exactly, that's not. His is. Yeah, yeah, somebody told. I remember somebody telling golf is well, he did a joke about coffee is my friend is a comedian and he does a joke about life modeling. And then somebody came up to him after us and I was like I thought you were going to go here with it, like you could have said this and that, and he was like thanks, but I just want to say you do it.
Speaker 1:Then yeah, Like yeah, that's really that is not appropriate whatsoever. No, that's all. Who do review think you are. So another segment of who do review think you are who review do you think you are?
Speaker 2:I kind of know who do review.
Speaker 1:Think you are who do review. Think you are, so this week review. Think you are who stop singing, so this week I'm reviewing banged up on. That's been on Channel four.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Do you know what I've realized? I don't do with any of the reviews is tell people what the stuff is about.
Speaker 2:Oh, okay.
Speaker 1:I just generally go, you're not like yeah, go on. You got something to say about what you say in the reviews are not perfectly structured.
Speaker 2:I'm not saying that, no, that's right.
Speaker 1:I'm really pleased with them. I'm really pleased with the way the review Do you think the? Great, good, I want to change the thing of them. Good, we'll leave that there. Banged up, banged up. So banged up is a mock up prison experiment where X inmates and sort of mid level, mid to lower tier celebrities go into a jail, to sorry, to a prison. It's Shrewsbury prison in. Britain and basically they are allowed, they, they, they recreate the environment and this has been sort of like criticized by other other other critics, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, not other notable Other really good critics like, but it's saying that it's sort of bullshit and there is a level of bullshit about it. However, you can see that the reactions from people when they're put in certain situations is quite visceral. Right, people are genuinely scared and people genuinely get put under stress. So they had Ricky from EastEnders.
Speaker 2:Ricky.
Speaker 1:If you're listening and you're not from Britain, just Google it, google it. Yeah, he's a British icon. Yeah, peter Hitchens, christopher Hitchens brother.
Speaker 2:Did he go in?
Speaker 1:Yeah, because he's got really strong views on. He's based at his point of view on most things as well. I just think they're being silly. They need to sort themselves out of like really. Yeah, he's also got very strong views on like drug rehabilitize, like that's very indulgent. They should be doing these sort of things and it's all very silly if you do drugs.
Speaker 1:He's very like morose and he's like well, if you just sat still and properly. He's very. Doesn't like labels on things. If you came to him he had this big thing on about dyslexia doesn't exist. He's very much like that. Right, he's quite. He's a typical conservative. It's very clever bloke, but he's very. You look at him and go, this bloke doesn't need to do a few drugs to lighten up.
Speaker 2:Yeah, did his brother get all the charisma Do I mean? Yes, pretty much. It's weird that they're so different like that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but he was in last week's episode.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:And the prisoners kick off with him because he's sort of saying like well, marijuana is one of the most disgusting things that you know. The blue like saying how destructive, and I'm sure there's elements like, as in when I've tried weed it doesn't agree with me at all, so I'm not a big fan of doing it myself.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:But I don't think he hates legalization. Does he Absolutely he sort of said it incentivizes people to be criminals.
Speaker 2:Right, okay, it's criminal recognition.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but yeah, he also had a really funny argument with Alex O'Connor, who's got a big YouTube channel where Peter Hitchens storms off. Actually Does he? Yeah, I'll show you it afterwards, but if people want to watch that, if you go on YouTube Alex O'Connor and Peter Hitchens. Peter Hitchens basically acts like Don Logan from Sexy Beast for 15 minutes the last week. He's basically just shouting at us, going like you've led me on to false pretenses. This is and he's been. He was like no, no, I told you what we were going to talk about beforehand.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:He just loses it with him.
Speaker 2:Absolutely.
Speaker 1:Yeah Goes, Roy Keane Siphan. Sounds like a humorless constant. He does lack a sense of humor.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:But yeah, he was in it. Ricky from EastEnders, who else did we have?
Speaker 2:If you don't know Ricky from EastEnders, I think he's our denier of thought, absolutely yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:That he's all right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no need for have a popper in Maro. Who else was in it? The keys from Gogglebox, oh, but you do see the absolute stress because they get a cellmate and normally they're also they go into prison then yeah.
Speaker 2:Sorry, I didn't really. They don't just visit the prison.
Speaker 1:No, no, no, they have to live there for a few days. Johnny Mercer, the conservative MP yeah, and here's sort of angle. Just the way he speaks, it really irritates me. I mean he's, he's like one of those, like one of the lads conservatives yeah, everything is sort of like yeah, you know, like you, just kind of. Yeah, you know, you fucking do your time. You work in the city for a bit and you know you're like you're. You know I feel like prison is pretty good for people in a way. It's sort of that public school boy. Yeah, you know, I mean like you know. I mean my dad used to hit me but I thought it'd be pretty good in a way. You know like sort of put me in my place. Yeah, he's got that sort of vibe, sort of that windswept cunt vibe. I don't like him at all. He is a windswept cunt, yeah.
Speaker 2:Windswept cunt Do you know what?
Speaker 1:He's not terrible, but he's just got like he was really winding up the prison because he's going like, well, obviously, you know, if you go to prison like stuff like that, it's going to like teach you a lesson and you're not going to, but it's sort of like that. There is something to that, I hope you get shanked in the fucking title, but there's also, like as in, that doesn't really explain why such an outrageously disproportionate amount of people come from working class backgrounds, have learning difficulties.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 1:Like you're a child. If you have those, your challenges are going to prison, go up massively.
Speaker 1:Yeah, just a bit so it does kind of ruin the sort of personal agency angle of like, yeah, you've got free will in your. It's like there is that there's absolute cunts in prison, yeah, yeah. But yeah, so this series, yeah, they take some through it and there's something that reoccurs which happens in real present prisons, called G checking or heart checking in America, where basically the when you go in, people will really try on with you to sort of see how you react. And you do see that you can see that genuinely like they feel quite stressed but they'll be like I want you to go up to that bloke and smack him on the head and it's like the best thing to do is kind of refuse that offer.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Steve Parish I think his name is as well the conservative MP he went in there. You know the guy that watched porn in the House of Commons.
Speaker 2:Oh, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:He was like a sort of blubbering mess. He's a real like I really. I actually mean this in a in a non insulting way, but it's sort of more an objective way.
Speaker 2:He's a really pathetic man, yeah he's got to do some work on the thing. Yes, he doesn't.
Speaker 1:He, he's someone. I'm going Peter Hitchens on him that, but he really just needs to pull himself together.
Speaker 2:Yeah, he's always going.
Speaker 1:He's going. Well, I made a few mistakes. He just starts crying every two seconds.
Speaker 2:It's like he can't.
Speaker 1:He can't, he doesn't, and it's like someone puts like a load of shit in his bed, like not literal shit, but they, they just put loads of like catch up and that in his bed and he's like, oh well, that's not very nice, is it? It's like he doesn't really have a grip on reality. No right, I need to go and get a cup of boiling water and pour it over the Cunt that did yeah, it's a little mommy's boy.
Speaker 1:He's, he's a pathetic man. Yeah, that's a shit. But I mean that in a way that I actually I have a feel really bad for him Really, because there's that video, there's that interview of him on I think it's maybe good morning Britain, where they're like um, it's let, it wasn't, but let's say it's Lorraine Kelly. They're like what are you doing watching her porn in house? Well, I, I thought I was looking at tractors and and it was an accident, and he starts crying. He's like Jordan Peterson.
Speaker 2:Yeah, every five minutes.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I like what's your favorite ice cream?
Speaker 2:Yeah, men can't enjoy ice cream anymore. It's considered gay.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, but it's a very interesting watch though, like yeah, it sounds interesting. I mean, I'd loved them to get like how do you feel like you'd get on first?
Speaker 2:house and stuff. How do I think I get on? Oh, I don't think I do very well, son.
Speaker 1:I think you do better than you think really. Yeah, I do. I think. I think you've been around Enough tradesmen which, if we're gonna say, are generally awful people.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, it's like being in prison. Yeah, I think.
Speaker 1:I think you'd go. Actually, I'm really used to really comfortable yeah. Yeah, you've been around Sugs and sexual abusers and and horrors. I think like you'd go actually thanks, man. Yeah, war of a duck's back.
Speaker 2:I know how can I get on well all right with the lads. To an extent I don't know somebody having that control of you. I don't like the guards, like they don't seem like nice people prison guys Do I don't know if they are or not.
Speaker 1:Do you think that they have the capacity to be bullied?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I've read. I mean we've said this before, but I really do. I really do. I really do. I Think I would go in. I don't know, I'd probably try, and I don't have a try and be funny. I try and just be. I don't know, keep myself to myself for a while.
Speaker 1:The thing is that if you do that, you also become a target, if you're like yeah, I'd lose my rag and then get killed by somebody. Think the thing is to befriend. You have to befriend people.
Speaker 2:Yeah, don't be in a group, though. Like they say in the American system, the white people yeah, the. Mexicans and the form like a race war and stuff, but I don't have that sort of Affiliation to it, so I guess you mean you're not a member of the bloods and crypts. No, it's not. Yeah, I mean, I've not been my application. It's not like, don't put yourself down.
Speaker 1:I think you'd be really good. Bloods and crypts.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think, and I think if somebody did that to my bed, I might, I might take the kettle and I think you have to, yeah, a lot of the time you have to do something. I don't know, but why do you reckon you get?
Speaker 1:them. I don't know. I Think I'd feel really stressed out by it. Yeah and I'd hope there would be someone in there that's done MMA or Gigi's, and I can be like, oh, like, where did you train? Yeah, just not a lot of justice in there Is the like.
Speaker 2:It's very. Also, I don't think I'd like the banders, or I've watched a prison videos come upon, yeah. Youtube show on hub, yeah, yeah. Well, yeah, I've seen sons of anarchy, yeah, and I've watched prison breaks. I reckon I'd get. I reckon I try and escape first of all.
Speaker 1:I think, if you try to escape, though, they just add years to your sentence.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, but I think I in my mind at the time I think what if I just get out, I'll go to? I think.
Speaker 1:I Think it would be really fucking stressful, and I think largely it just it's such a horrible, damaging environment that yeah they're not built.
Speaker 1:I mean, the big thing is it's like no one's really been rehabilitated there and, to be honest, it's like I understand there are some really bad people in prison. I think just inherently bad, yeah, or people that are irredeemably bad. I do think that, yeah, but I think there's probably a sea of the gray area where that it's like just putting them in a fucking lunatic asylum with each other, like just exacerbating each other's behavior, is like yeah, yeah it's not doing them any favors where it's like oh, who took my tuna right?
Speaker 1:I'm gonna fucking stab you.
Speaker 2:It's hard and it's on you suggesting that it's not been thought out as well as. No, they're there to be rehabilitated. I just locked away from everybody.
Speaker 1:That's the age old question, it yeah, because it's sort of like sometimes, like if you're, let's say, someone's done something to your family, you want to see justice done.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you might not necessarily want people to think, oh, this person's coming out with qualifications and it's very, it's very. It's a philosophical question and a moral question, right, yeah? Yeah, it's like do you want the person that's, you know, been involved in a manslaughter of your family member, who's reckless and a lot of it as well? What's when, if you watch, like these videos on YouTube, forgot what the channel's called? But you can watch interviews with ex criminals, but Sometimes they're not that remorseful, they're like oh, you know I mean, but he looks at me the wrong way.
Speaker 2:I know that's the way.
Speaker 1:Yeah, they're all stupid yeah so I took fucking took a baseball bat to the head.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I just think they don't think it's real. I don't think. I don't think there's any like. Do you know when somebody I've seen somebody like People talk about fighting and stuff and he's like, oh yeah, knocked him out. And I think there's a large portion of the male but population that think punching somebody, knocking them out, is like a cartoon and they don't know that they can kill somebody like a blow to the head will like it's like they've seen too many Hitting your head on concrete.
Speaker 2:Yeah they seem too many films where somebody it somebody with a shoe and it knocks them out and the wake up yeah it's like you can kill somebody.
Speaker 1:You know what's funny though is that, because I've met someone that works in prison and they said they said that the thing about the short shank redemption, where everyone thinks that they're innocent she said that that's true. Oh no, I can imagine that everyone thinks that they're Unjustifiably there. Yeah it's like that, my family member thing. It's like well, if you asked all of us, does everyone else have a lack of self-awareness? Everyone. That's the one thing that we would yeah, everyone would agree.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that would be same for most families, I think yeah, but what's funny is one of the geysers in banged up. It was a like basically pimp. Well, he was pimping girls, but he was like no, I took him off the street.
Speaker 2:To live. Yeah, he was like you know, I mean otherwise they'd be fucking doing all sorts.
Speaker 1:But I gave him like it's like, believes are on bullshit. Oh, they believe in your absolute fucking bullshit.
Speaker 2:It's like shut up. Yeah, there's no accountability in this one.
Speaker 1:He's like my family don't talk to me, it's bullshit. Yeah, you're like Mmm. I went with a pen and decorator that had been in prison.
Speaker 2:I learned he's trade in prison. He was a very nice fellow, but he didn't go away for anything. What did he go? If I, maybe I should. I don't say his name and I Think he's. They set fire, even if some kids set fire to something when we younger yeah, like a shop or something for like a day fuck.
Speaker 1:You see that that's like. It's very hard to tell whether that's malicious, because I know a lot of like what I would say, like good people that have grown up that would Never dream of doing that now, but when you're a kid, yeah, you do. Really, fucking stupid stuff.
Speaker 2:He was very remorseful of it and he's like he was like I didn't think we would cause any damage, like, and it was like he's causing damage. You set fire to a fucking shop, yeah and he was like no, but it was it was a laugh. I think yeah, I think it was like the shop keepers have been rude to. Yeah, he was like be, it sounds like how being dickheads how you would want to handle people being rude to you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I know I would. Yeah, yeah, I feel like you would do that. That's why?
Speaker 2:yeah, I'd not talk myself out of make a Molotov cocktail.
Speaker 1:Hmm, please that look.
Speaker 2:I reckon I'd have a way to an iron in the fridge just ready.
Speaker 1:Unless you drank them first. Yeah, yeah, yeah, like yeah, I think a lot of people think that they're sort of I'll be few people, getting them all the tough cocktail through the window.
Speaker 2:If it was it to me, if. I, if I let myself goes that, that dark energy. My dad place now, by no way am I saying I'm a tough person in any way, but yeah, I would.
Speaker 1:I would mad at somebody Okay.
Speaker 2:Yeah yes, oh, the end of the podcast.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, oh.