How to Combat Parental Alienation, Estrangement, and Erasure Through Non-Violent Communication (NVC) Part 1 - Episode 36

Have you ever found yourself in the midst of a heated argument, desperately wishing for a lifeline to navigate the emotional chaos? That's where my encounter with Nonviolent Communication (NVC) revolutionized not just how I speak, but how I live. Alongside the wisdom of Mary Mackenzie, a seasoned NVC trainer, we venture into the transformative realm of compassionate connection. This episode is far from your average communication tutorial; it's a deep dive into the very fabric of human interaction. We unravel the threads of NVC that weave through the toughest conversations, turning conflict into opportunities for growth and connection. 

 Embrace the shifts I share within my own family, where learning to engage rather than avoid conflict fostered a newfound tenderness between us. We share moments where empathy broke barriers, from guiding my mother towards understanding responses, to the surprising adeptness of young minds embracing empathetic listening. This episode is a heartfelt exploration of the profound effects empathy can have on our most cherished relationships, offering a beacon of hope for anyone yearning to bridge the gaps that keep us apart.

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

We're just going to break down NVC a little bit deeper for people, like we're identifying people's feelings and needs and then, when we're responding to them, based from understanding what they're feeling and what they're needing, we're starting to connect with them from an empathetic point of view and we're removing, like, our perspective and we're just showing up to reflect back what's happening in their body and their minds. There was a time in my life when I was overwhelmed and underwater. Those days are the inspiration for this podcast. This is by far the ultimate healing journey for all of us. Healing ourselves emotionally, spiritually and physically is paramount to this journey. From this place of grounding, we can all go out into the world and change all our interactions and relationships. We can engage people from an integrated and resourced place. This is a journey of coming home to ourselves. In today's episode we'll start to explore some of these issues. Let's begin the healing journey today. Welcome to the Family Disappeared Podcast. Hi, my name is Lawrence Joss and welcome to the Family Disappeared Podcast. Have you heard your child or grandchild say I hate you, don't call me anymore, I never want to see you again? Have you heard yourchild say I hate you, don't call me anymore, I never want to see you again. Have you heard your parents say I don't want you in my life? Have you experienced rage, anger, frustration, loss, loneliness, craving? Then this show is for you. This show is going to be talking about MVC, which is nonviolent communication, and in those hardest, hardest of situations, in those I hate you and I don't want to ever see you again situations, mvc is going to give you an opportunity to transform those relationships and it's not a guarantee, but it is a framework that is going to save your life and save so many relationships. So stick with us. We're going to get into the show and if you're new to the show, please remember to like, share, subscribe. You can get hold of me anytime at familydisappeared at gmailcom with any suggestions, topics or anything else you'd like to discuss. Okay, that's enough out of me. Let's jump into the show.

Speaker 1: 1:50

I was doing a two-year Buddhist chaplaincy program at Chapaya in New Mexico and I was in the throes of parental alienation in the early days or estrangement, erasure, whatever you want to call it and I was in a lot of physical pain and I was scared of death. So I actually signed up for this two-year Buddhist chaplaincy program to make friends with death, because I really thought that I was going to die and a lot of my manifestations were physical and emotional. And I land up in this place and we had this wonderful trainer come in and he mentioned NVC in his talk and he mentioned it a second time and he said it was a framework for communication. It was based on empathy and for me back then I was so desperate as soon as I heard something twice I just showed up. So I left the retreat. I went home, typed up my computer and I found an intensive, an IIT, an international intensive training for NVC. I didn't read a book, I read the description. And IIT and international intensive training for NVC. I didn't read a book, I read the description and I just showed up and I consider myself really bright and articulate and I can navigate most any situations. And I show up at this place and it changed my life.

Speaker 1: 2:59

I started to understand all these conversations that I was having with everyone, not just with my kids and my grandkids Well, I didn't have grandkids at that time but not just with my kids, not just with my parents, not just with my siblings, but every person in the world. I understood how I was bringing an antiquated and outdated way of communicating. To every conversation People would get frustrated with me and I'd be reactive, and I'd get frustrated with me. They'd get angry. I would get angry, they'd be sad. I tried to fix them and NVC gave me a framework of just meeting them where they were, of getting my stuff out of the way and meeting them where they are.

Speaker 1: 3:34

So this podcast today is fantastic. We have Mary McKenzie, who's a superstar ninja in the NVC world. She's a trainer and man. I think you're going to love the show. Let's jump right in. Wow, mary, I'm so excited to see your face. It's been several years and Mary and I met at an IIT, which is an International Intensive Training for NVC, which is nonviolent communication and always life changing. So we've asked Mary to come on and share some of her wisdom and strength with us and talk a little bit about NBC. So, mary, would you like to please go ahead and introduce yourself to the community.

Speaker 2: 4:11

I'd be happy to Thank you, lawrence. It's wonderful to see you again too. Yeah, so I'm a certified trainer of a process known as nonviolent communication, and I was certified in 2003. So I've been around the block a little bit and I'm happy to be here to talk to you.

Speaker 1: 4:29

That's awesome, Mary, and for our listeners out there. We've spoken about MVC and it's an empathetic form of communication. We've spoken about it briefly and in a little bit of detail, but never really a deep dive. So could you let everyone know what would your definition of NVC and what would be your blurb, your elevator pitch on what NVC is?

Speaker 2: 4:49

Yeah well, some people think of NVC as a communication model, but actually it's much more than that. It is, in a sense, a communication model. It's a way of speaking to people, to each other and even to ourselves, communicating with ourselves. But actually the thing that makes it life-changing is it's two parts. It's, first of all, tools for how to communicate with people and then also a philosophy behind it for why these things matter.

Speaker 2: 5:18

And it was essentially started by Marshall Rosenberg, who is our founder, many years ago, and he's a Jewish man and he incurred a lot of abuse in his life and he was doing a study one time trying to figure out why is it that some people can be so compassionate to others and others don't have that, and he himself was quite angry, so he didn't feel much compassion anywhere, and he was curious about that.

Speaker 2: 5:44

And he himself was quite angry, so he didn't feel much compassion anywhere, and he was curious about that. So he started studying Holocaust victims, who came out of the Holocaust with compassion for the Nazis, and it just blew his mind, and so he started studying why. What is it that happens in some people that causes them to have compassion even when somebody shows up in a way that's deeply offensive to them, and so this is a process of being and a process of speaking to people that tries to limit the distance between us, or the part of us that thinks of somebody else as other or not, as good or better than is essentially what it is.

Speaker 1: 6:25

Okay and like yeah. A lot of people say that it's a communication framework, and for me it feels very much like a lifestyle. Like a lifestyle I'm not just dipping my toe in, I'm living this. I'm talking to people, whether I'm at the grocery store or it's a family member, that there's acrimony between them, like I'm carrying this with me everywhere I go in order to connect with people, and I'm presuming that's how it manifests in your life as well, correct?

Speaker 2: 6:50

absolutely it's a thing to take everywhere, absolutely, even in my dreams I mean. I dream, I mean I'm having conversations with people in an in a NVC way in my dreams, absolutely it's, it's everywhere that's cool, like the whole dream nvc.

Speaker 1: 7:06

I haven't heard that before, but I guess as you practice this and it becomes more and more embodied, then it's brought into to every aspect of our life and I love that. You're dreaming in nvc, mary, that's. That's, that's like a ninja classification, thanks. So then again, if we're just going to break down nvc a little bit deeper, for for people like we're identifying people's feelings and needs and then when we're responding to them based from understanding what they're feeling and what they're needing, we're starting to connect with them from an empathetic point of view and we're removing, like, our perspective and we're just showing up to reflect back what's happening in their body and their minds.

Speaker 2: 7:44

Right, yeah, it's kind of like in most of our relationships if somebody said something that was offensive to you or painful, it kind of comes at us and we're going to start arguing about what the person's saying or the way they're manifesting it In nonviolent communication. We're actually looking behind what a person says. So what I mean is somebody saying something that's offensive and there's a reason behind it. We're trying to figure out what is that reason. We're trying to understand what causes someone to express anger, what causes someone to do something that we find so offensive, and we're trying to understand them from that place.

Speaker 2: 8:24

Actually, in many ways it's a paradigm shift. So we spend less time talking about the way somebody speaks about something or their mannerisms, and more time speaking about why. And it comes from a place of understanding that people are different, more likely to be connecting with others easily if they are themselves not in any kind of specific pain. I mean, think about yourself. You know, if you've had a bad day, I mean you might be a little bit more short-tempered that day, you might be a little bit less patient with other people or a little might come across a little gristly. We believe that's true for all of us.

Speaker 1: 9:03

Right. So any relationship we're in or any conversation we're in, like people are bringing their baggage to their conversation naturally, and then MVC is a way to kind of like acknowledge the baggage and where people are and by doing that we get to connect with them. And can we do like a little show and tell a little thing here where I can just say something to you and then you can reflect something back to me so we can just give people kind of an example how this framework works.

Speaker 2: 9:28

Sure absolutely.

Speaker 1: 9:29

Yeah, I'm feeling a little bit upregulated today, Marianne, and what you're saying to me is really making me mad. I don't like the way you're talking to me.

Speaker 2: 9:37

Yeah, it sounds like in a way it's frustrating and maybe even a little unnerving for you. What I'm saying and you're wanting to make sure that I'm caring about you too, or that I care about what's going on with you, is that it?

Speaker 1: 9:51

Yeah, yeah, I want you. I want you to acknowledge that I'm having a rough day and it's rough, and just showing up here has taken a lot of energy. So, yeah, that that that feels pretty close.

Speaker 2: 10:00

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 10:01

And, and I would say yeah, like yeah, your, your, your words can affect me and move me in different directions. So there is some pain that comes along with hearing some of the stuff you're saying to me.

Speaker 2: 10:10

Yeah, so also wanting me to get the impact, the impact of what I'm saying on you, and you're wanting to make sure that there's space for what matters to you in our conversation.

Speaker 1: 10:19

Yes.

Speaker 2: 10:19

It's not just about me.

Speaker 1: 10:21

A hundred percent. Yes, I want to be seen and heard, thank you. Thank you, mary, and for anyone else out there that's listening, this might sound a little bit confusing, but what's happening is Mary's just checking in with me, what's going on with me, and she's putting herself, her agenda and what she wants to talk about, until I feel heard and seen and just connected and that creates attunement and then we can move on with the conversation. So before we dive a little bit deeper in here, I'd like to ask you this personal question, mary what brought you to the MVC framework on an interpersonal level, like what got you here?

Speaker 2: 10:54

I think I was in my 40s at the time and I just wasn't very happy. I had a lot of relationships with people I didn't enjoy, many of them with family or co-workers or friends, many of them with family or coworkers or friends. I felt actually pretty lost and I was really angry as a person. I just was mad at the world and I hadn't found a way to express that anger or even to understand it. So I was pretty pent up and a friend was going to be teaching an NVC course her first and she asked me if I would take the course just to be one of her students and I thought, okay, I'll do it for you, but I really wasn't expecting much from it.

Speaker 2: 11:34

And this particular class was on self-empathy and there were eight women in the class and we were all sort of, I would say, middle-aged. And she got to a part where she led us through this exercise, where we all came to understand that we just weren't happy in our lives. We just weren't happy but we didn't know anything to do differently and we had already tried a lot of things. And then she started talking about needs and helped us to start to understand what are the underlying needs that belie our behavior, and it was shocking to every one of us.

Speaker 2: 12:10

We were just like, wow, really, it's that simple. All we have to do is change our behaviors and we can live a happier life, like we don't have to figure everything out, we don't have to be new people. But underneath it, we were decent people and we just didn't know how to act. It sounds so basic, but for some of us who didn't have these skills, it's really not that basic. And so we went through this eight week class and got just a glimmer of what life could be like if we got better at speaking up for ourselves, if we got better at showing up for ourselves in our relationships, if we got better at listening to other people and allowing space for them and their needs to matter too in our relationships. It was just a tiny little start, but it was powerful, for me.

Speaker 1: 13:02

That sounds really beautiful and I'm guessing before you came in you didn't necessarily think that you had a huge communication challenge. You thought that you were navigating the world pretty well and the framework from your family of origin, I presume wow how I was talking to my parents or my siblings or something like that. That wasn't necessarily communication. Did you have that kind of like aha on the family systems kind of level?

Speaker 2: 13:35

In fact, I had a master's degree at that time, lawrence. I was quite articulate and I was quite well loved in my family, so all of what you say is true. I mean I thought I was pretty smart. I thought I was pretty well loved in my family, so all of what you say is true. I mean I thought I was pretty smart, I thought I was pretty good actually, but I didn't have basic skills for navigating conflict in a relationship. Well, I mean, I could yell at you, but what I mean by manage is how you want to stay in relationship with me.

Speaker 2: 14:07

Like how can you be mad? How can I be mad and we can still care for each other and work it out so we can stay in relationship. I didn't know how to do that. I knew how to cut tail. I also knew how to yell. Those are my two great skills, and I was articulate so I could overpower some people.

Speaker 1: 14:29

Thank you for that and I relate to you because I'm articulate and I definitely have an intensity that comes with me and I felt like I knew a lot before I came to NVC and then there was a paradigm shift, coming in here and seeing, oh, I was trying to fix people and change people and placate people and do all these different things.

Speaker 1: 14:45

I wasn't necessarily communicating and why this is so important and why I'm bringing this to the community of alienated parents, alienated children, estranged family members is this communication is a key and vital role to stay in connection and when we have the chance of healing, to have that healing stick and not just keep falling apart, because a lot of time it's this underlying. I'm going to yell at you, I'm going to tell you what to do, I'm going to fix you communication that tends to rip the family apart. And when you were saying what brought you here, you said just navigating conflicts in the life and you also mentioned family in there. And what did it look like navigating challenging situations with family after you started MVC? Because I heard you say before MVC was yelling, cutting tail, not necessarily coping in the best possible way, but what did it look like with those same conflicts after, in the beginning days after this, like eight week course or something like that.

Speaker 2: 15:40

Yeah well, it took me a while to find my voice. Let's put it that way. So at first I honestly think people didn't necessarily trust me. I wasn't a big yeller in my family. I was more like in the family. I was the more the one that was pent up and wouldn't say a lot or would talk about people behind their back. That was more my habit then. So stopping that pattern of talking about people was challenging. I mean, I had to actually say to some people I'm just not going to do that anymore. So that was a piece and I think in the beginning I sounded kind of rote. I think it was scary, actually quite scary, to start speaking up for myself at all. I remember the first time I got mad at my dad like out loud got mad at him. We were all shocked to no get out that I said anything. But it was actually really satisfying because he listened to me and he changed his mind based on what I said and it was an enormous victory.

Speaker 2: 16:39

And I wasn't yelling at him, but my voice was raised and I was being pretty firm about, I was scared about a decision he was making and so I was pretty firm about my fear about that and wanting him to change that. Years later my parents were I think they were both in their 80s when I came in, so they were quite old. But one year as a sidebar a funny little thing to say my mother I have six older brothers and sisters and one year my mother went to a bookstore and she found this book she thought would be so great for us and she got all of us the book and it was Marshall's NVC Language of Life book, marshall Rosenberg's book, and I just thought that was hilarious and she was telling me all about it because she thought it would fit with that compassionate thing you do is what she would call it. She called it that compassionate thing you do. But the thing is, lawrence, that eventually what I got was a really sweet and tender relationship with my parents before they died both of them, and I got about 10 years of that.

Speaker 2: 17:44

Prior to that I thought, after doing lots of work in a lot of other ways, I thought the best I could hope for was that I could not enjoy spending time with my mom and not feel guilty about it. So for me this took a lot of work because it meant I wasn't blaming me and I wasn't blaming her. I was just living in acceptance that, yes, it matters to me to have a relationship with her and I'm not going to enjoy it. I went from that to to really enjoying my time with her. We had lovely conversations. I ended up giving both my parents a ton of empathy as they aged for things like their bodies changing and their worries about dying and really intimate things that I would have never guessed in a million years. So it was worth it, it's been totally worth it.

Speaker 1: 18:39

That just sounds incredible. And the aging process and the death process without parents and be able to walk them home walk them home in this like emotional, caring, empathetic way, instead of actually needing to take something from them is magnificent. I love that you shared that. And my dad passed away about five years ago and a couple of years before he passed away, like I just let go of needing anything from him and all I used was NVC for two years, just reflecting back what was going on with him, what he was struggling with, and for me it opened up all these layers.

Speaker 1: 19:11

We started talking about God, we started talking about death, we started talking about how he was raised and where he was raised and I bring this up for anyone out there that's listening to this that there is magic out there that can transform any kind of relationship, and especially a child, parent, parent, child no matter what direction it's going in, it can really, really transform that. And while we're talking about families like our community, mary, people are really struggling with being alienated or estranged from their kids or grandkids or, on the other side of the spectrum, there's kids that are estranged or alienated from their parents and there's a lot of animosity in communication. So, nvc, we can talk verbally, we got texts, we got emails and would you say, any one of these frameworks kind of works the same way, or is there something specific about one of these modalities of communication that you feel is different? Or is it just translatable in every direction?

Speaker 2: 20:02

Well, I think it's translatable in every direction. I mean, when possible, I'd much rather speak to the person either in person or on Zoom, but I know that sometimes that isn't possible. If people aren't willing to talk with you, I mean that's not possible. So then I think, yes, in letter format or emails. I honestly for myself it might be my age, but I think text is more of a casual communication. So if I was trying to work out some, if I was trying to reconnect with somebody, well, I would use text. If that's their modality they use, I would use the modality that the person who I'm trying to bring to me or I'm trying to move towards, I would use the modality that they're most comfortable with. I mean, that's what I would do. I think I would much prefer talking in person. But I know with our daughter sometimes I mean she'll say things like, yeah, I talk to my friends every day, but what she really means is she texts with them every day. So it's different, for it's a different way of thinking about life.

Speaker 1: 21:06

Yeah, and we've had a tremendous amount of success in the community with working with NBC with letters and text, because for a lot of us it's the only way we can connect with our children, but it's also a connecting form of communication. But there's this cathartic experience that you alluded to in the beginning too, where it's really about letting people be heard. But this whole internal mechanism that's happening with us as individuals is kind of like an opening up and a freeing of our lives and our constrictions. And even though we're giving someone else empathy like when you were talking about your mom, you were showing up for her, but it sounds like your whole life opened up and the stress and anxiety kind of faded away with your mother. Is that accurate?

Speaker 2: 21:48

Yeah, absolutely, it is accurate. And you know what I learned Lawrence? My mom and I don't know why exactly, but she really didn't know how to have conversation exactly but she really didn't know how to have conversation. She knew how to talk, but she didn't know how to have conversation back and forth. She didn't know how to listen to other people. And so it wasn't that she was a bad person or didn't want to have those kinds of conversations. I think she literally didn't know how.

Speaker 2: 22:15

So I would imagine, in some relationships where there's been an estrangement, that might be hard to like, how do you even get started? And another idea that I have, actually is, if ever somebody did want to ask for time, like face-to-face time of some kind, to put a timeline on it so the other person might not feel so overwhelmed, like could we just have a 15 minute conversation? Could we start there? Could we just get on the phone and say hello so we can see each other and have it be 10 minutes. Any way that you can get your foot in the door and have a start, I think could be helpful. And the trick is you have to honor your agreement. So if you ask for 10 minutes, you say we're going to hang up now because it's 10 minutes. If the other person wants to do that, looks like People have their own agency.

Speaker 1: 23:22

And after five minutes, 10 minutes, three minutes, whatever it is that you know, the conversation's over and I'm going to respect that and I think that's a that's a wonderful idea. And I'm curious as you started this relationship with your mom and the doors and windows started to open, did you feel like your mom started communicating somewhat in that same style and reflecting back some of the stuff to you? Did you start to see a change in her too?

Speaker 2: 23:44

I didn't, but I did in. One brother in particular you talked about, I think I'm just not sure my parents knew quite what to do with it. Like I said, they were in their mid-80s when I was starting to learn this. But one time you talked about your parents. One time my brother, dan, and I were having a conversation with my parents about God, and my parents were raised in a particular religion and we were as well, and Dan and I were kind of expanding our idea about God, and I think I was in my mid-40s and he was a tiny bit older, just to put it in perspective and every once in a while mom would get really scared and she'd say, oh, you know, she tried to shut the conversation down.

Speaker 2: 24:31

So I'd give her a moment of empathy and say something like oh gosh, mom, it sounds like it's getting kind of scary, like you're really comfortable in your belief about God and are you afraid that we're trying to talk you into something? And she'd say, yeah, because I really like the way I think about it. And so then I'd say, well, yeah, we're not trying to talk you into anything and I love the way you think about God. I'm just trying to have a conversation. So this happened a couple of times. The third time it happened, my brother, dan, gave her empathy and it was thrilling for me, it was absolutely thrilling, I thought, and it was thrilling for me, it was absolutely thrilling, I thought he gave her empathy and then mom said yeah, and we continued the conversation until the four of us were ready to end the conversation. But it was remarkable to me to see him do that. So, yeah, I do think that people pick up on it around us. Some do anyways.

Speaker 1: 25:18

Yeah, and I get goosies when you'd say your brothers took over the empathy mantle and, you know, stood up there and kind of like shared that. And my experience is interesting because I actually talk with my mother about empathy and when I just want to be heard or just listen to, I kind of like give her some direction. I'm like, hey, mom, that doesn't necessarily feel useful. I'm just want you to hear that that my back hurts, so I just want you to hear that I'm really tired, I don't need to fix or change anything. And as I give her some direction, I'm seeing her starting to reflect back stuff to me that feels like. Sometimes it's like what are you, my mother? That was like ninja MVC and and it's just from having conversations, you know.

Speaker 2: 25:58

Oh, I love that, I love hearing that, and you know that. If I mean, imagine how that is for her, lawrence, for her to know that she's giving you so much pleasure, that she's actually supporting you and that you're enjoying the connection, I mean, don't you think, as a parent I know you do that would be wonderful, wouldn't it, for all of us to have that kind of opportunity?

Speaker 1: 26:23

A hundred percent. That's a very rich reflection. I don't know if I really sat in that like her enjoyment when I'm actually oh yeah, mom, that's it, that's exactly what I'm saying. She must get a kick out of it, cause I definitely push back sometimes and say, hey, hang on a second, so that that might feel jolting at times, and 95% of the time I just I, and 95% of the time I just reflect back. But sometimes I feel like, hey, listen, this is what I'm really saying.

Speaker 1: 26:45

And another interesting thing that I'm experiencing is I'm talking about this with my nieces and nephews, with my little brother, and they're younger, they're 19, 14, 22. And they're listening and they're practicing this along with me. Practicing this along with me, and to see young people pick it up really, really quickly and start to get into that groove feels like there's so much possibility. You know, when people are in their twenties, teens, early thirties that I came to this at, it was probably right around 40, a very similar age to you. Are you seeing this with young people being able to pick this up quicker?

Speaker 2: 27:15

Oh, I think way quicker and I think even younger still. I think with young, young children, like five, I've seen parents just exasperated, not knowing how to make something work, and they'll ask the kid you know, I just I don't know what else to do. What do you recommend? And the kids lots of times have a better idea about how, what could happen that would support everybody's needs. I think they're more creative, they're more curious, they're not so scared of the things that we're afraid of, like paying bills and getting everything done and getting to work and you know all the things that we worry about as parents. They don't have that.

Speaker 1: 27:55

Yeah, that's interesting that you talk about the creativity of young people. I was interviewing a gentleman that's a previously alienated child out of Turkey and we were talking about English as his second language and he's so much more honest in his communication than I am because I can hide out in my words, and he called it a lack of creativity because I know the language so well I'm actually put myself in a box versus having English as a second language. He has creativity and could move around because he's not stuck in all these different constructs and ideas, and it seems like younger kids' minds might work a similar way.

Speaker 2: 28:27

That's really interesting. I've noticed that with humor too. It's harder to have humor if you just know a little bit of the language. It's hard to have nuance. I guess that's what he's saying. It's hard to have nuance. It's harder for him to have nuance. I guess that's what he's saying. It's hard to have nuance, it's harder for him to have nuance. So he has to be straighter, more direct.

Speaker 1: 28:44

I don't think it lands that way. Like his nuances are like so intense and like lightning bolts, because he can't hide behind the language. He comes up with these analogies and just the way that he communicates it's just like I'm like whoa, like I'm not having that conversation with people where English is their first language and you see all the energy in the conversation kind of like spurting up in the air. It's really curious and it's really neat Just sticking with this topic of because so many people in the community are struggling with their kids and grandkids, and just this idea of communication and how we can reprogram the way that we communicate and it can have an effect on different family members. Like I'm working with different people where they're sending these emails and these replies that are hard to read sometimes because they're trying to tell people what to do, they're trying to fix people again and stuff like that, and once they start just giving empathy and just meeting their kids and their grandkids where they are, they're creating so much less harm. So, again, just to play along with the community, to give them a couple different ideas. Like, say, I'm getting a text from my 16 year old daughter and our uh, you know, our, our relationships acrimonious and I'm asking her if she's going to see me this week and she's like hey, no, dad, I'm not going to see you. Um, I, you know what, I don't have any time. I don't really like you right now. Like, how would you respond in a short text to something like that? Wow, wow. You know, I just uh a conversation with uh one of my old guests on the show and he went, wow, like he was doing the while that I do and uh, what a great first half of the show and uh really love what mary has to say. And uh, non-violent communication is a game changer in connecting with anyone in our lives and for for me, especially, with my children, with my parents, with my siblings, it's changed every relationship and it's not easy and it's not quick and it's not a quick fix and the community support and getting empathy from other people that are using the same way to communicate is life-changing.

Speaker 1: 30:46

If you're feeling dysregulated, angry, desperate, don't know what to do, this is an intervention that's based on self-agency and it's something you can practice at home and with friends and with groups, so there's a really low threshold to practice it and I highly encourage everyone check out the links, get involved. We're going to start our foundational trainings up again in mvc and then we're going to have running classes to learn and practice and practice groups. So be part of the community. And again, just to remind you, we're a 501c3 nonprofit. These foundational trainings, this podcast, everything we're doing unfortunately costs money and we need you to help participate in letting us continue to bring this stuff to you, in letting us continue to launch the foundational trainings and keeping them going year-round.

Speaker 1: 31:35

Unfortunately, we need financial support and there might be someone out there that doesn't have financial support to offer, that can volunteer, and there might be someone out there that can offer $5, $10, or $20 a month. And there might be other people out there that have resources of $500, $100, $1,000 a month Anything. Might be other people out there that have resources of 500, 100, a thousand dollars a month. Anything you know would would be greatly appreciated and we'd love to continue bringing this content to you. And, uh, please like, share, subscribe, let people know what we're doing, share it on your social media, if that feels um safe and useful.

Speaker 1: 32:09

And in case someone hasn't told you yet today, I love you. You you know what I mean. Like, this is a tough gig that we're going through and it's good to have other people out there. You acknowledge your pain and your struggle and also acknowledge that there's some beauty and love and loving to life too. And just being able to say I love you to someone else, even to a camera and to my audience out there and our audience out there, is just such a pleasure and a privilege. So thank you for coming along for the journey and we will see you in the neighborhood. Thanks for taking the time to join me on this episode of Family Disappeared Podcast. Do you know someone who can benefit from what we're discussing on today's episode? If so, please share this podcast with them and anyone else in your community that might be interested in changing their lives. Together'll continue the exploring, growing and healing journey. I will see you on our next episode. Until then, happy days to all.