Good things take time

In this episode, join me for a cozy chat as we talk about building meaningful connections as moms of an only child in a new location. We all crave those deep connections, but let's remember that good things take time. I'll share some park stories and simple action tips to help you start small. Be patient while building your community. From finding local playgroups and mom meet-ups to exploring community events and shared hobbies, we'll navigate this journey together discovering the joy of building lasting friendships as moms with an only child.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:02

Hi, my name is Four and welcome to The Love and Focus, the podcast for Mans where we explore, discover, build community with our only child. Let's get going. Okay, you know what I mean. Let's start with the program. Oh my goodness. Good things take time. Now, because I'm a foodie, I'm gonna give you three different scenarios. When I mean good things take time, I'll take a simple like example, like a cake. Now you can make a little cupcake, you can take a mixture of a cupcake, and you can put it in a cup, put it in a microwave, and depending on what how long you put it in the microwave for, I think I saw one for maybe like a minute or maybe two minutes, and you have a cupcake and a cup, or if you make cupcakes, like you get a box uh that's already what is it called again? You know, you buy a cupcake from a box, and you make it from a box, and you know, put it in a cupcake pan, put it in the oven, voila. Now, if you're making it from scratch, get all the ingredients, eggs, butter, whatever ingredients, what kind of cupcake you're having, and then you put it in the oven. Or there's actually a fourth scenario, you already go to the shop and so it's already baked for you. And then hit now that I'm saying that, the next one, or someone just gives you a cake, hey. So you're thinking, what's this got to do with good things take time? Well, when you are building your connections, you're making new friends, it's gonna take time. Some um, just like you get it that's already been made, and someone gives it to you, meaning that someone has already introduced you to someone else, they were the connector, and that happens like when I go to some events, like, oh four, have you met um so-and-so that in this parent here, um they go to the same, like, I don't know, art class as my daughter, and um that's how I know this person, so they would introduce you to that person, and sometimes, mom, it's gonna be you starting from scratch, meaning you are gonna be the one that's saying once again, hello, smile, you're smiling, and you're just asking small, small questions. Remember what we talked about our form topics, family, occupation, recreation, motivational message or money, anything that's for you. And the reason why I say it, it takes time is because with our schedule, and I mean I mean our when I talk to other mums with an only child, we are you know, we're busy too, and we are with our child, and then depending if you're working full-time or you're working part-time, or if you're starting a podcast like myself, and you have other commitments, you know, we have a full-on schedule, and then when with our only child, we want to be present and we want to be there with them, we're entertaining them, we're playing with them. I mean, it is a lot, and sometimes when you go to like events or you go out on an outing activity, depending on where you're at, you might have 15 minutes just to unwind by yourself while your child is playing, and so you might like, oh, I really don't want to, I I'm not sure. I don't want I I don't know if I can make a meaningful connection. That's okay, as long as you can step out of your comfort zone because you are wanting friends, just say hi, how are you doing, and just introducing yourself. And I say that because I've met other, I've had conversations with other moms with an only child and moms with multiple children, and depending where they're at, um it can it can take a long time because you're going to that same event and you might meet that mom, like hi, my name's four, or sometimes, hi, how are you doing? And it might take three months, it might take a little bit longer, or and because depending when you go to that activity, uh you might be checking your emails, you know, you're on your phone, you you're multitasking, you might not have enough time to engage with the other person, and I'm saying that because the other mom that you're talking to, she might have allocated that time to do other things while her child is busy doing the activity. So she, you know, you gotta look at from her perspective as well, the person you're talking to. You'll get that feel if she is like, Okay, I'm talking, but I really um I'm not engaging that much because I have other things to do, and I look, if you have missed that cue, like that body language, it's okay because I've been there. I have, like I said, I've asked another mom and I'm talking to her, and then she's like, uh-huh, uh-huh. But she's looking down at her phone, she's not engaging, she's pretty much lost eye contact, she's not even responding, and then she's slowly her body language. I can tell she's moving away, and which is saying, I just need to take care of what I need to do. And I'm like, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. So that's okay. If you misread it, that's all right, don't be hard on yourself. Just just learn from that, and um, the next time you see her, just slow down a bit, just get a read. Does she want to, is she engaging or is she doing something else? Because sometimes, you know, it just goes over your head sometimes. So don't be hiding yourself. And the reason why I say that, or you know, you yourself, you might want to um, you haven't had time, like I said, to really take the time to have some quiet time or get things done. But if you uh are like in a sp, if you're in a place like, hey, I can talk to someone, um, I have maybe 10, 15, 20 minutes, I'm here watching my my child do this activity and look around and just honestly look around and just when you see another mom, just say hi. And if they say hi back, you know, that's okay. That's a good step, remember. And the reason why I say it takes time, things take time because of the other person's schedule, too. Because everyone is everyone is living their life, they're taking care of their kids, and they're doing the best they can with the time that's given. And then eventually, after a lot of highs, how are you? and you're asking short questions, and there's an interaction with the other person you're engaging with over time, you're gonna notice that they're gonna be asking you questions first. It's not always you're the one engaging, and that's the wonderful thing about when you're making new connections and meeting new people when they say hi to you first, and they're like, How are you doing? Or I haven't seen you in a while, where have you been? Or it is so good, and then they might remember like a little conversation that you had last month, or you know, a few weeks ago. Hey, I remember you said that you enjoyed this book. How's that book going? Or, oh, um I remember you went on vacation. Did you have a good time? That is so awesome because one, they remembered you, two, they remembered that conversation, and B, they thought of you, and then they said, Hey, it was I missed you. Where have you been? And they noticed you were there. So isn't that wonderful? But it does take time now if and they say that to constantly remind moms who are wanting to build connection. I know because everyone you're longing for that. I just want to have a best buddy, or just a few friends to have um just to have a laugh with, and sometimes it can be lonely. Like when I went to um one time, went to the park, our local, one of our local parks, and there's two ladies, and you can tell that they were really good friends just by the body language. Now you're like, what kind of body language? I know just imagine you and your bestie talking and you're laughing, okay, and they're friend, and their children were playing together, and so Olivia is just it was the two families there, and Olivia and myself, and so Olivia um their children end up playing with Olivia, and I was like, Oh no, man. Um, I really want to talk to somewhere, I want to talk to an adult, um, some some people today, and so as Olivia's playing with their children, I'm always like, I'm always gonna follow Olivia, you know, close by, so I can see where she goes in the playground. So I go out to the mums, I say, Hi, my name's four, and this is my daughter. And um, then I asked them, Oh, what is your name? Um, but only because I feel comfortable. Now you don't have to say what are you know what are your names, because sometimes some parents don't even say their names, and that's okay. But remember, that's my personality and that works for me. So do what works for you, but at least you say hello. So you don't have to say your name, but if you can say hell hello, that's a great start. So that's a good action when you meet someone and you want to build a connection, or leave out you know, just say hi and say your name, or wait a minute, let's back up, just say hello. Because some people are like, I don't want to say my name. Good first action for you, remember, is say hello. Okay, so getting back to the story with these two mums, I said my name, hello, and I said introduced her to Livia, and then I told them, uh, I don't know anyone here. Um, will I be able to? And this is where I came out, like well, came out as in oh my goodness, I need a friend to be a friend. I said, Will I be able to just talk to you two while my daughter is playing? Now that is a first, I don't think I've ever done that before where where I said, can I just hang out with you two? Uh a group of moms. Like that is random. I mean, it worked. And if it had if it hadn't, I probably wouldn't be telling you guys now because that would be a funny story. But it did. These two moms were so kind. And the point is, you never know. You never know what the other moms are gonna say or the other mom. So remember, um you can be adventurous. So when I asked these two moms, do you mind if I just stay here and talk to you two while my child is playing with your children? And they said yes, and I got to know these two ladies, and it was um wonderful because they had their own businesses, they lived in my local community, and they were really, really good friends with each other. They've known each other for more than maybe seven or ten years, and so it was I spent about 40 minutes, 40 minutes I think, just listening to them and talking, engaging with them. And here's what I learned. Now, I think I met them, I seen them at the park the other times when we just say hello in other events, and even though I didn't end up being best buddies with them, and I never they never invited me to go anywhere, like another play date, or me saying, Hey, can you come and I invited them? I didn't do that, it was but when I see them around the town, I was like, Hi, I always remember their kindness, which always encouraged me. Like if a mom came to me with my group of friends and they she said, Do you mind my child is playing with your child? Will it be okay if I just talk to you all? And I remember the two ladies who were said yes to me, which remind I want to remind you, mom, when you start having your friend or two friends or three three friends, whatever group of friends, just remember how lonely or awkward it can be um when you're by yourself and when you're stepping in that and you were that person trying to connect with someone. Uh so I wanted to encourage you that as uh as my friend said, what's the action is to for you to be the connector for another mom to come in. Now I know I my I kind of felt that the other two mums, it was their time to catch up, but because they were so kind, they were so kind and gracious, because they kind of said, uh, yeah, you can come talk, but we really just want to catch up by ourselves. They didn't say that, they said, Yeah, come and talk to us. We would love to have you come and just chill out with us and hang out and have fun. That was just an eye-opening, and I was like, Thank you, and I thanked them afterwards. I said, Thank you for allowing me to come in during your time and just including me in. And it was so awesome having your children play with my daughter. And so when I look at other moms and I'm at the playground and I'm with my friends, I always think of that mom who's sitting by herself, but you know, she's not too close to us. But I had my group, and my group of friends were talking. I was like, hey, come and talk to us. And she 10 times out of 10, seriously, that mom is always gonna join in our group. We wanna because I remember what that feels like. So, mom, be the connector when you start having your group, or that one other friend and another mom. If she asks you, like me, can I come and join your group to talk? Or if she's beside you, my my action, is it action? I don't know, but my call to action for you is to be the connector and allow her just to have that time so she can be a connector to someone else, and as she's building friendships, she's like, Yeah, I remember that. That mom is so nice to me, she's kind. She allowed me just to talk with her and her friends, and they'll just they just um welcome me in. Okay, that's it. God bless, and I'll see you next time.