Finding Common Ground: Building Connections with All Moms

Welcome back, dear listeners, to another heartfelt episode of Love in Focus: Building Community with an Only Child. In today's episode, I lightly dive into a topic close to the hearts of parents with an only child - connecting with those who have multiple children. I'll explore the sometimes challenging, yet rewarding journey of sharing your unique experiences with parents from larger families. Remember, understanding may not always come instantly, but the key is to keep the conversations flowing, and over time, true connections can form. Whether it's finding encouragement from parents of multiple children or the joy of meeting fellow 'only child' moms who just 'get you,'  Tune in, and let's strengthen our bonds and build a supportive community right here on Love in Focus.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:17

What I love about um raising an only child is when I meet other moms in my community that are also uh a mom of an only child. And it's because we have it's because when I have those conversations with them, it's like I don't need to explain myself. Uh especially when it comes to playing, you know, with your child, and they're like, oh yeah, and they're and they'll ask me similar questions. They're like, have you had the time where you, you know, organize a play day or you set up a time where your kid is playing with other families and they play all day and then they come home and they're like and they'll say, Huh, I'm bored. And I'll be like, right, yes, I've I have experienced that recently, and then we start laughing, and I love it because those types of conversations, when I am talking to a mother with uh multiple children, sometimes you know, they don't mean to say it, but they'll come across saying things like, oh well, you know, they just need to, I don't they'll say something similar, they'll say something like, Oh, well, my you know, my children, I don't have to um they don't come home bored because Sam plays with Tina, and I can just go and do what I need to do, or they find something else to do, you know, with their sibling, or they're in a room and they're fine. But here's the thing, I've and I'm like, yeah, but you know, Olivia, when we're at home, it's just her and I, because you know, her dad's at work, and so if she is wanting company with another child, you know, she doesn't have that sibling to go in the house, you know, she doesn't have that sibling to look at or a sibling to like bother, or sibling to ask a question, it's just her and mummy. And so with I find with parents, you know, with multiple children, they s it's the conversation is different. And I wanted to talk about that in this episode, is that when I'm talking to a a mum with an only child, there's almost like an is it how do you say it? Um, I don't need to explain myself, and because Olivia, regardless if um their child is a lot older, teenage years or 20 years older than Olivia, um, they say, Oh yeah, I remember that stage. I get it. This is it's normal or it's okay, it will pass over. And there's an understanding, there's an empathy, there's like, oh yeah, yeah. And they don't they're not coming with not to say that the other parents of multiple children, um, they're coming with judgment. I'm not saying that and just saying that I don't have to explain myself in some situations. I'm like, uh, okay, I gotta explain myself. I'm not saying Olivia is um, you know, she's bored, not in that way. It's just it's just refreshing when you are talking to uh a parent with an only child, and then they get you straight away. They're like, Yep, I've experienced that before, and I totally understand, or they'll say, Yeah, oh my goodness, I just did that myself, and so that's why I really enjoy um just meeting, regardless if I already know the parent, um, whether I'm at church or you know, I'm meeting one of my friends, homeschool friends. Um, it's just oh, or Olivia's at school, and I meet another mom with an only child. Um, the language uh experiences, the languages are the same. And so we laugh about it, um, me and the other mom. And it's usually coming when it's time to play. Like um, they're at home, they'll say similar the kids. We we notice that they say similar things, like, oh, oh, you know, I want a sibling, or you know, there's nothing to do, but we've just they've played all day with their friend. And that's what I mean. If I was to explain it to uh, you know, say that some of the sayings that Olivia would say to a mother with a multiple child, children, I don't in my experiences, they generally think it's something else, but they don't realize that they have multiple children, and their children, you know, once again, whether or not they want to play with each other, they can just sit in the same room. You know, they sit in the same room and their child is there where Olivia's not, you know, just like again I say it's just her and I in the room. And yeah, you you have animals, right? But um it's just for us and our experience, it's just not the same. Yeah, Olivia, most times. And she's kind of funny because she was like, Oh, you know, I don't know if you're at that stage where your child said they want a sibling. Now Olivia has been asking, um, you know, when are we gonna have is she gonna have a little brother and sister? And I, you know, I shared with her, um, mummy and daddy have decided that, you know, we're a family of three. And, you know, we had to navigate and still, you know, work that with her because she is wanting a sibling. And um, and that's okay. She I don't mind her sharing that because that's her heart. And so we continue to encourage her that she has uh lots of cousins who love her, and she has grandparents and uncles and aunties and friends, and we you know we create that community around her, that she is, you know, surrounded by love, people who do love her, and she can always see them. Um, but it like you know, we all know it's not the same. Um, having a sibling is different than having a friend or a sister. I mean, yeah, you know, sibling versus a cousin, or you know, is and you might say, No, it's the same. Well, I get it, I get what you're saying. So I wanted to share that with you. So if you're going through that stage where um you're getting around some of your other mom friends, and they and you know they have multiple children, and you might say something about your own experience and what your child is going, and they might come across differently, that is normal. Uh just letting you know. Um and if you're like, oh, sometimes I just even though with my mom friends, I might kind of feel left out because whatever reason they might think my life is a lot quieter or easier, you know, that is not true. I've talked to all my mom friends and family members with an only child, and we all agree it is a lot of work, and we do get tired, and it's full on because we are the mom that is there for the child to play with, to cook, to clean, to tell stories. I mean, we're there, they don't have another sibling to bounce off ideas. We are we are there, and so it, you know, our attention is there, yeah, and it can be exhausting if you don't balance it out. Like I had to balance and work through that, what that really looked like, you know, learning to have quiet time, my own quiet time and Olivia's quiet time. And we're still working on it. But you know, because it's different with siblings, like I said, it'll be easier. In some ways, I I think it's easier, but because I don't have another child, I can't say that. But in my imagination, like, ugh, if she had a if we had another child, she could just play with them. But you know, I don't know because I don't I don't have another child to just share that story. So I'm not gonna talk about something I don't know. So, mom, if you're out there and but you do have friends, and you know, they have multiple children and they do get you. I I have a lot of other friends as well. I mean, I'm just saying sometimes they say things like that's not I wish that was my life, but that's not you know, they don't understand about mother of one, and that's fine, because I surely don't understand about you know having multiple children. But if you have friends who um are very supportive of you, I have l other friends as well who are supportive of me being um when I share my experiences and tell them, hey, I'm tired, I'm just as tired as you with a um with multiple ch with you having multiple children and I only have one. I get tired and they're like, Yeah, you know, you would be tired because and then you know they give me encouragement. So I just want to let you know, um sometimes it's gonna be like that too, and I'm sure sometimes I may say some things with um mothers with multiple children that doesn't make sense, and they're like, huh? Uh nope, you don't get it either. And you get you, you know, you might say something, and it really like what was that all about? I don't know. So I just wanted to encourage you that um it's gonna be okay. Um what's the point of this podcast? What I'm really and I'm hoping you're hearing my heart. Don't lose hope when you make friends with parents of multiple children. Sometimes in the conversations, they're not gonna get you. They're gonna look at you like um what you're sharing is like, huh? You don't, and they might say you don't understand, you only have one child, so I must be either whatever full in the blank. And you might think, oh, kind of feel left out. I just want to keep encouraging you. That is normal, regardless if you're a mother of one or multiple children, because not everyone always gets you, and sometimes people say silly things and they don't even know it. But I just want to keep encouraging you that friendships are important, and then when you meet parents of an only child, it is such a blessing. I love the mums I meet, you know, in our community because it's it's such an instant connection. I mean, all my experiences whether Olivia's going to the gym or she's at a swimming pool or she's at the playground or at school when I see and connect with another mom and like, oh yeah, my child, I have an only child, and they they say my child is too. There's something that lights up in me and they too because we just understand, and I really feel their heart, and they really feel like wow, yep. And then we start laughing because we shut start sharing similar experiences, and um, and there's I'm you know, there's some people, parents in my church, and their children way older, and then they just give me so much um encouragement and wisdom, and they said, Oh yeah, and I said, How long does it well it last that I just keep playing and playing and playing with them? And they said, Forever until they're a teenager, and then they don't want to play with you, you know, they just want to hang up their own friends, and I'm like, Oh my goodness, Olivia's six years old, and then they start laughing, and and and that's what I love about it, is that they say it with love and understanding, and so I wanted that, I wanted to share what conversations you're having. I hope that they're encouraging you, that you find friends that um that are encouraging you and that listen to your experiences, and also I'm praying that you also find parents with an only child who are also encouraging to you, and because each family has their own rhythms, I tell people, you know, our family, you know, our dynamics and how we um, you know, uh, when we eat dinner and what we do, family time, it looks different from other people, you know, what they enjoy, what they don't, and so I always tell people once you find your family rhythm, and it evolves like five years from now, Olivia will be of course a lot older, and so interests are different, so is mine and my husband, and so we all have different goals, but as a family as well. So I just wanted to encourage you as you find your rhythm and you're looking and you're connecting with new friends, and maybe you have old friends as well. Just enjoy the process, but also be kind to yourself, and remember that you are a wonderful mom, you are absolutely a wonderful mom. You're doing the best you can with the time that's given, and you are the best mom for your child. You truly are, you are loving on them, you're encouraging your husband, you're encouraging yourself, and you are like a gift, and I say that you are a gift to your family, and they surely do appreciate you and what you offer to the community as well. I mean, you are raising the next generation, and you know their heart, so be kind to yourself. I laugh and smile because I say I'm reminding myself I'm a wonderful mom. High five. And also, I want to leave you with this. You know, if you want to you want to have a friend, remember to be a friend and be a friend to yourself, be a kind friend to yourself, say kind words, and it's gonna be fine, it's gonna be okay. And I really, you know, hear my heart that you are a wonderful mom. So look in that mirror and tell yourself I am a wonderful mother for my child, I'm a wonderful wife, I am doing the best I can with the time that's given, and I am a wonderful friend. I tell myself that I am a wonderful friend, and then I say, You're welcome to my family. Some days they're like, huh? And I was like, You're welcome. Okay, then. So thank you for listening. You're listening to focus. Why was I gonna say focus in the family? Because that's another podcast, but you should. If you want to listen to focus on the family, go ahead. But this is love and focus, building community uh with our only child, and this is for uh building love. Why am I laughing? Oh my goodness, building love one episode, love and focus one episode at a time. Thank you for subscribing and listening, and I will see you in the next see you, you mean I will you will hear me in the next episode.