Building Friendships

Dive into the vibrant world of childhood friendships in Episode 19 of Love in Focus: Building Community with an Only Child. Today, I share some heartfelt insights on the journey of building connections for your child. It's not always easy, and you might find yourself eagerly awaiting that call for a playdate. Trust the process; it will happen. I also share a golden nugget: it's not just about your child's playmate but also about connecting with fellow parents. After all, a comfortable friendship between adults sets the stage for delightful playdates. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:02

Hi, my name is Four and welcome to the Love and Focus, the podcast for Mans where we explore, discover, build community with our own each other. Let's get going. Okay. You know what I mean? Let's start with the program. Oh my goodness. Hello, hello, hello. This week I am talking about friendships. Now, friendships meaning okay, what kind of friendships am I talking about? I'm talking about my daughters, my daughters. Oh my goodness, let's start again, moms. I'm talking about my daughter friends, her friends. And it's because when you are the reason why I wanted to talk about this topic is when you are building the community for your child, you're going out there. Um, now that I have a part-time job, or prior to that, you know, I was connecting with mums in the community, I was organizing play dates or hangouts, or you know, you're having coffee with a friend, or you're meeting them at the park, or you're being invited to a birthday party, and you see Christmas cards, and you are you are the connector for your child, and then once you keep building that connection, it it flows on its own. And I wanted to say to let you know, like you ask yourself, I'm doing all of this, but does anyone call me back? Does anyone really the because you could be giving out a lot, and you could be like, I'm always the one that always texts the parent, I'm the one that calls or sends the letter, and I'm always the one that initiating it. I tell you, mom, if you're listening to this, just keep hanging in there, and then it will come back to you. It surely does. So we are at this stage where Olivia's friends, they love coming over to our house. And because of our schedule during the week, the weekends is a lot better because you know, she has school, school nights, and um, well, I don't know about you, you know, with your family, maybe you think, oh, you know, she can have a friend over at school night, that's okay. Or if they live next door, that would be fine, but her friends do not live next door to us, and so um it depending what friends come in of it, it could be like a 45-minute drive one way or 15-minute. But I started to notice that um she's having a lot of friends and she's not having to ask them, they will ask, and it's so cute because we have because she has a variety of friends, and because you know, her and I were me, you know, plugging in, and one I always like to I'm just telling you guys, maybe it's different for you, because there might be some slim pickings in your community. If my daughter's gonna be friends with that child, you know, I better like the parent because or at least get them well, because when if you if they come into your house and you know, the parent, I always, you know, let the parent know you're welcome to stay if you want to, because I know depending on who my child is gonna go and see, like a few years ago, or maybe last year, she felt comfortable with me staying at the parents' home, and so I didn't mind because I got on well with the mom, you know, the mama dad, and it was a joy for me to sit and just hang out and catch up with them. So I did not, it's it's a lot nicer rather than if she was, you know, had a friend and I did not like the parent, I'll be like, okay, you know, that's not gonna work. We would meet them like at a birthday party and then they'll be away. But I'm gonna say at the moment, a hundred percent of her friends, you know, I really do enjoy um the company of the parents, and so it has been wonderful. Now, I'm saying currently, and uh yeah, and so that might be a tip for you too as you are building the friendships for your child, really connect, you know. I hope that you're able to connect with the parent and just get to know them because it makes it such an enjoyable child. One, if you keep driving to their house, you know, you're not going to have this anxiety, like, oh my goodness, what am I gonna do? I've got to sit there. Especially if your child wants you to sit at the house, you know, while they play. And then it's not gonna be awkward because you know, they'll just know your vibe. And if the other parent doesn't like you, well then that's just gonna be that's gonna be really awkward, you know, and if they don't like you at all, they just probably won't invite you in their house. I don't know if they'll invite your child, but anywho, it's most likely, um, you know, it's always good to just to be friends and that you like the parent as well. And so that's why I wanted to talk about is Olivia's friends. And because of our car, you know, we it's only a four-seater, and I and I said to my husband, you know, a few times, a few like last week, I said, boy, if we had a van, I tell you, you know, we this car would be full of her friends coming over, but because I can only fit like one other child or you know, two children, well, if it's just me, then it's three kids, or if it's myself and my husband, it's only Olivia. Okay, wait, did I do the math right? But you get what I mean. So we can generally we only have one, you know, Olivia and a friend along, and it's so good. And I notice the different personalities of if she invites her only child versus um, you know, a friend who has siblings. Now, this may be a different observation for you. Well, I just notice, or maybe it's the age, but if she has a friend and they're two years older than her, and they they have siblings, they tend to be more patient, um, and they'll just go with the flow. And so it's um just fun to watch that you know, and navigate uh helping Olivia and reminding her, hey, it's hey, your friend is here, and it's always polite to ask them what would what they would like to do, so she's really good with that. Um, and but when she has her um friends and then only child, oh, I love it because um, you know, they're more likely to say, No, we want to do this first, or um, they like the very wonderful leaders, and so you know, if my daughter says, Let's do this, they'll be like, No, I'm gonna do this, and you can come with me, or you do something else. Um, but it's really fun, and I like to see I just watch and observe, you know, how Olivia just communicates with her friend because you know, she loves being with her friends that are also an only child, and it's the conversations that they talk. You hear them and they say, Oh, you know, you're my sister, and um, and I guess there's a there's a different type of language when I hear the them talk, her and her other only child friends versus the siblings, the ones who have siblings. And I love it. I love it whether you know her friends are two years older than her, or her friends are about the same age, or maybe they're younger. Uh, Olivia, I notice the ones that if she's a year, if she's a year older, you I can see her playing, she becomes more of the sister role, and she's the one that's more patient with them, and just the way she talks. She you know, she says, I'm the big sister, and um and how she plays with them. So it's it's really good to see the different age gaps, the two years older and the one year older. And I wondered if that's the same for you too when you invite your, you know, your child's friends over in the different age gap, uh, and how they navigate that with the yip being, you know, as they're growing, how they share their time, and also, you know, how they handle with things that maybe, you know, their friend doesn't always want to do things like they want to do. And we've had to navigate that through some tears, and um just communicating with her, you know, just words that would be a lot more kinder to say. Not to say that she's not kind with her words, but just letting the other friend know that yes, I'm happy that you're here, and I I do want to do what you want to, you know, it's your turn to do things as well. And so yeah, I thought about that, and also I do get tired. I noticed just the the you know, the loud giggles and the reminder of okay, kind words. Like sometimes um I would need to say, okay, you guys, just making sure that you both listen, stay together, kind hands, kind words, and just to make sure I see it, like if we go places, um, so yeah, and if they say, Yeah, it's just so funny how kids are when you have more than one. And so, um, do I get tired in some ways? I think it's just more the noise, the more the noise. And then Olivia and I were talking about um siblings, and because I've had siblings, I mean I'm the youngest of five, so we talk about how siblings can, you know, um, you know, play and be rough, you know, like wrestling or tag or things like that. And so I was telling Olivia, you know, because daddy and I um, you know, well, we don't wrestle with her. You may wrestle with your child. I more like tickle her. We love to tickle each other, but because um I'm an adult, so uh, you know, I'm pretty I'm big um compared to her. So I said to her, you she goes, Mom, um, I said, Well, you know, when you go to school and it's okay to um if you know people she goes, she was talking about being them being bossy, and I said, Well, you can be bossy too, remember, sometimes. And then we talked about the playground area, and that um, you know, having siblings, she noticed that depending if um one sibling is, you know, needs help in the playground because you know, so they're having, I don't know, a kid is bullying them or I don't know, doing something to sibling, the other one would jump on and and she mentioned that. And she know she shared with me the one who comes and um you know sticks out for her or she sticks out for them is uh her friends. And uh it's always good to hear that. Um because she's an only child and she's built good friendships. She said, Oh, it's okay, Mom. Uh, even though I have a sibling, my friends, we stick together if someone's not kind and we walk away together, we say, That's not nice. And I said, That's good, Olivia. And I said, uh, that's you know, I'm so glad that you in the playground area, um, that you and your friends, that you guys stay together, uh, or if someone is not being kind, or if you hear someone that's not being kind to your friends, that you would say something like though, don't say that. So friendships, and then because Olivia is a I tell you, girl friendships. Now I don't know with you sometimes. Ooh, when I hear it, some days are better than others. Um, I don't know, and I would ask other moms, and they're like, Yeah, sometimes girls can be a little bit caddy, uh, and some days are better. But they said this, I believe it. They said, Oh, yeah, it gets worse in high school. I was like, What? Worse in high school? I don't believe it, and you know what? I'm gonna say that because my child is six years old, and I mean you may be listening, you'll be like, Yeah. But I honestly don't remember. Well, a I wasn't an only child, so it's not that I compare my childhood to Olivia's, but oh wee, I tell ya. All I thought was, don't they just go to school, have a wonderful time learning, discovering about education, you know, using their creative minds, and just having a wonderful time running around the playground area, having their yummy lunch. Now, as for lunch, I tell ya, I loved lunch. I mean, did I seriously eat to live and live to eat? I might have fallen in that category, like the whole thing, eat to live and live to eat, two on one.

unknown: 15:50

I don't know.

SPEAKER_00: 15:52

But friendship, socializing, and eating lunch was my jam, it was my cup of tea. I tell you what. So, mom, if that is you two and your child is six years old, and here's the thing: building friendships for me, because I had siblings, and I had a sibling who was uh closer to me in age, the closest one. She was like, we were like three years apart, so she was my um, you know, growing up, always looked up for up to her, and I'm laughing because she was taller than me at that time, and you know, and she was just so fun to hang out with. And at school, she was really cool. I always thought, you know, growing up at school, she was the coolest one because hello, she practically knew everything and everybody before me, and so and she had the coolest friends, and uh so with Olivia and her friends, you know, she's having to because she doesn't have a sibling, you know, she's she relies, I'm not gonna say she relies on her friends, but she just she really enjoys her her friends at school. Even though some days she's like, oh mom, you know, didn't go well, or you know, we had a disagreement, and that's okay, because that's life, right? Um she still thinks about them. And like, okay, they'll come to my birthday party, we send Christmas cards, and sometimes we'll go shopping, she'll ask me, Can I buy this for my friend? And I'll be like, Um, what about their parents? Why do they buy that? And sometimes we do, sometimes we don't, but um, yeah, friendships, navigating those friendships and helping your child to connect, it is worthwhile, like really, it is worthwhile, and I just pray that you keep building it, not only for your child, but build it for you. I mean, while you're building your child's friendships, one of the parents, you might connect with one of the parents more than the others, and so it's so fun to see them because when you go to places, you know, and you all go to the same place, like if they go to the same school, and the next minute, you know, if they do activities, like they could do the same sport, be in the space this the same sports group or you know, dance or wherever, it is good because you have another parent to talk to and just relax and have that conversation and uh they might know more people in the community and they they might introduce you to more people. So I'm just saying, uh, keep an eye out for the parents that your child is connecting with their child or their children. I'm serious, that's how I made uh new friends, just by getting to know the other parents, and depending on what your schedule is, like me, if you have a part-time job, I just say just take one, maybe one family at a time. And you don't have to host, like, oh, I don't want the parent to come over and see my mess. My house is a mess, you know what? Uh maybe if you have one room that's clean and the bathroom that's clean, that'd be awesome. And the rest you can just shove in the cupboard, shove under the bed or throw things on the bed because they're not gonna go rummage through your house. Well, they shouldn't. I don't. And but you know, the parent, they just love. It too because their child is happy and they want to be with your child, and your child is wonderful, your child is amazing, and they have a great heart, and they just a joy to be around with. That's why their child wants to be at friends with your child because your child is awesome. So um yeah, don't stress out about it. And if you really don't want them to come to your house, um, I just say if it's winter, then maybe you can go indoors. Like I always use the library because it's convenient, the library. Or I don't know, if you live in a place and there's a coffee shop with an indoor area for the kids to go, uh, do that. But yeah, I really recommend that you talk to the parent and then you get to know them and you like them. Okay, that's it. I wanted to say and remind you that you are a wonderful parent. I mean, you are amazing, mom. You are doing the best you can with the time that's given. Be kind to yourself because you are so giving to your child and to your husband and to your workplace and to the community. You know, you're cooking dinner, or you're using the microwave, or you're going to the restaurant to pick up your dinner. Either way, you're going, you're you're getting the dinner, or you're cleaning. I mean, hello, welcome, family. So, I wanted to let you know just how amazing, absolutely amazing, and you have so much love to give and to share, and also to give to yourself. Uh, take time for yourself, whatever that suits you, and maybe read a book, or maybe have an extra cup of coffee or hot chocolate, or buy something for Christmas. I mean, I am buying chocolates for myself because I love chocolate turtles. I mean, hello, Merry Christmas to me. And so, take the time, and when you see yourself in the mirror, just see how beautiful you are, you're absolutely beautiful, and you are amazing. I'm not just saying it, you're amazing, and you have so much love and you're so full of joy, and so just give yourself a high five and a 20-second hug. And I want to say thank you listening to my podcast. I'm for, and this is building focus, it is focus with love, building a community with an only child, and we are focused and building love with one episode at a time. Take care, and I'll see you in the next episode. Bye.