The Favorite Parent

Welcome back to Love in Focus: Building Community with an Only Child! In this heartwarming episode, I delve into a question every parent wonders but may hesitate to ask: 'Who's the favorite parent?' Discover the joys of embracing these candid moments with your only child. Join me in navigating the beautiful journey of parenthood with laughter, love, and a touch of unexpected wisdom. You won't want to miss this delightful episode!

Transcript

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Hi, my name is Four and welcome to The Love and Focus, the podcast for Mans where we explore, discover, build community with our only child. Let's get going. Okay. You know what I mean. Let's start with the program. Oh my goodness. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. Woo-hoo-hoo! Okay, you know, in my heart, to me, I sounded like Mariah Carey. And now for those who actually do know what Mariah Carey sounds like, that is not Mariah Carey. It's more like a wannabe, but I just want to say Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. Now I am recording it's the 12th, 23rd, 2023. Now for those who are um having a lovely Christmas Eve, and you're listening to me, uh, I feel like maybe because it's going on quarter past 11 at night, I'm like, there's a show, uh radio station, and uh the lady who, you know, if you're listening in the evening, boys, they got that soothing, that soothing sound where you know you're listening to them and it just relaxes you in the evening. I feel like I am that person right now, but then as I'm talking, I feel like I have like every now and then I'm like, thank you for listening to the you know, love and focus, building a child with our building a community with our only child. But then for those who have listened to me too a while, I'm like may have a chippy like and a drink, drink my sprite, you know, I crack myself up. So what is this podcast all about other than me saying hello in my soft evening voice with a wanna eat a chippy or chocolate? It's uh want to talk about my relationship with my daughter and how my husband is the most favorite one out of the two of us. And I thought it was funny to talk about that is because she has told me when I give her a quiz. I'm like, darling, which one do you love the most? Now you're probably saying, Why would you ask your six-year-old daughter that? Well, every now and then I will ask her a question, and I'm like, I'm hoping she's gonna say mommy, and most times, like, okay, I shall say, You know, it's daddy, right? I think she says it, but then she looks at me, she goes, I love you both the same. Like, I love you know, doesn't it warm your heart with the child that you gave birth to, or the child that you held, and you held for a long time when they cried, you changed their depth, you know, then diapo, or if you say nappy, and then you bathe them and you clothe them, you hand them tight, and you sang songs, you made sure you're there all the time, and then you played with them all the time, and then the you know the feedback is daddy's my favorite. What do you do with that? You just look her in the eye, and I sometimes want to say, Daddy's my favorite, but I tell her, I love you just the same, even if you choose daddy over me. And then I wondered how come daddy gets to be the favorite most times, and it's when I asked my other mom friends, they say, Well, hello, daddy, you know, because I was a stay-at-home mum at the time, right? You know, we spent the whole time, and then we had to discipline them, you know, gotta say no most times, when because we're there all the time and they haven't gone to school yet, so we're home, and then so I'm the one that's like, no, you cannot do this, go do this later. We have a routine, and then daddy comes home, and daddy's the fun one, he has all the energy, you know. I don't know how much energy, sometimes it's longer, sometimes it's shorter, and then you know, and what else you say, and like if you're doing something and dad goes, okay, just let it do it. I'm like, What? So if you're going through that stage, I'm just gonna let you know it is okay because I'm gonna tell you how I deal with it. I'm like, that's okay. You know why daddy can be your favorite? Because he's the one that can read you books, he's the one that can take you out to you know, out shopping with you, and when I need a nap, and okay, my nap is a long nap. Like a one-hour nap. And then if I need another hour nap, or I need like some me time, I'm like, you know, that parent that you said that was a favorite, that favorite parent is gonna take you out, they're gonna just take you so mommy can have some me time, and you can have fun with it, mama. So if you're listening and you're like, but I do everything for my child, and she still picks the other parent. That's okay, use it to your advantage when you need to, but you know, like I notice when she gets sick, who does she call first? Mama. So we always have a way where they come back and they, you know, they want us. Why? Because I mean, I guess if I had my husband here, and it look because when Olivia is sick, it's not that he doesn't know what to do, it's just something about a mom's cuddle, you know, you're putting your hand on their head with a soft, you know, a cool cloth, or just the way we pray over them. Not to say a father's prayer is not awesome, mama's prayer is awesome too, you know, and we just just know how to take that that loving nurture care. Now you can leave a comment and say, Well, you know, I'm a dad too, and I listen, and I just know just as much. And I'm like, okay, amen to you, that's awesome. But I'm just talking about my own experience. So, and I think sometimes my daughter, she just likes to say daddy all the time because she just wants to get a uh a reaction out of me, and I'm like, that's okay, pick daddy anytime you want. Because the more time you pick daddy, I can get I can just do my own thing and relax, and I'm okay with it because I love you both. So it made me think about when I asked my other mom friends, and sometimes like they say, Well, my daughter will pick me. Like she the mom, my um, like one of my friends, she said, Oh, her daughter always picks her, and then when I asked more about the father, you know, he's working a lot too. And but then I thought, hello, my husband works a lot, and my daughter still picks, she still picks her dad. So I'm like, what the heck? And I'm the fun one. I'm like, I'm the one that takes me out on field trips, on arts and crafts, I'm like doing all of this, and yeah, my daughter still picks my husband. I think eh, it's okay. I'm really okay with it. And so my and my friend starts laughing. She goes, Oh no, I ask, and she says, She'll pick me. So I wonder, um, and then Olivia, she did ask me, she goes, if I if I had a brother or sister, who would you love more? And I said to her, I would love you both the same. And she goes, Would you really? I said, Yeah, I will love you both the same. And then I said, Okay, so because we don't have another sibling, we do have two cats. We have Hermione and Lilo. Now which one do you love the most? And she'll say, The same. I said, Okay, so I love you. If we had another child, I love you both the same. But then I thought, really? Like, do parents with multiple children, do they have a favorite? Because in my mind, I always felt I was the favorite one. Now, my siblings, if they're listening to this, they're like, really? Uh I'm sure I had my moments when I wasn't, but in my mind, like, that must have been the favorite one. But if you ask my husband, so he was an only child too, until later his mum got remarried, and so he has a stepbrother and stepsister. And I asked his mom that one conversation, and she did say, Oh, I have no favorites. But I it's an interesting conversation, and so I wonder if you've had that with your child, with your only child. Uh, but you're asking them which one is you love the most? And I don't know why we say that, because you're hoping that they're gonna say you, or you say both. I don't know, but I thought it was an interesting podcast episode, and just um, but then I sp I had another friend and another mum and she said, Did she pick her husband? I think she said she picked her husband, but uh, did she laugh about it as much as I laughed about mine? I don't know. I mean, I think about it, I was like, I don't think she laughed that much. I didn't think she was she thought it was really funny. Yeah, if I had her here, I'd be like, did you find that funny or did you find it annoying? I think she found it most annoying because of all the work that she's put in and a child, I don't know, child's eight years old now, nine. I don't think the father would still I think the child will still pick the dad. But I feel like Olivia will always pick Jeremy. And I'm like, you know what? Yeah, okay. That's good. Yeah, because I'm the best mom for you, and I say that, you know, so you can pick daddy because daddy is the best father for you, and I'm the best mom for you, and I say that, and you know, while she was picked, while she said, Oh mom, I love you, you're the best mom for me. Uh, you know, I'm saying you're welcome because I am the best mom for you. Hello, like, um, I wake up in the mornings, I help get you dress, um, I feed you, I give you encouraging words, and when I'm tired, I just love on you. But then I thought, you know what? Even though sometimes I complain, like, I'm so tired. And she'll probably, if she was here, she'll be like, Yeah, you kind of say that a bit. So, where am I going with this? I'm going with it's okay, and I'm saying this okay, if your child for season is picking the other adult as their favorite. And I'm saying it's okay. Why? Because hey, you asked them that question. If you're gonna ask them that question, you may not like the answer. So if you want to know and you want to ask, just be prepared. Be prepared. Get your heart ready if they don't pick you. Like seriously, if they don't pick you and if you're annoyed by it, then you might have to ask yourself, why didn't they pick me? Like seriously. If you want to know something, then ask. If you don't, don't ask it. But mama, if you do ask like me, and you don't like, uh, just set for, you know, and then I don't know why I knew part of me. I think she'll always pick her dad first because a I don't know, maybe because it's a father and daughter, and they obviously dads and daughters have a different relationship with mums and and daughters. I don't know. But it didn't bother me one bit. I was happy because I absolutely love and respect my husband. And I always say, you know, I'm so happy that daddy's always your favorite too. Because in my mind, in my heart, I was thinking, you know what, she's gonna pick someone that she loves and respects when she gets married, or if she gets married, she may not get married, but if she does, I would I would hope she'll pick someone that she loves and respects, like I love and respect my husband. And so I'm okay with that. But then I said to myself, Well, I'm awesome too. Regardless if she doesn't pick me all the time. But every now and then she'll like, Mummy, I love you. And I say, Is it because daddy didn't let you do this or that? She'd be like, Yeah. I was like, Yeah, well, okay then. I'm the one that said, Yeah, you can have that extra candy or something, or sure. But I also noticed too, I am the is it the I'm like the peacekeeper of those two sometimes because they're the similar. And I wondered because if your only child is similar, like they have the more the is it similarities or the kind of the personality more the same. Like she's I always say she's a mini Jeremy. Their mannerism and just little quotes about them, they're the same. So I guess that's why maybe she picks them, or maybe because she's just a fun dad, and I tend to be more mama-like, no, everything's a no. Well, I don't think everything's a no, but according to her, sometimes it's a no, like, no, you can't do this, no, you can't do that. But I you know, I'm like, I don't think so. And I'm laughing because I'm like, hmm, that's her interpretation of that conversation. But anywho, I wanted to do this episode about if you're gonna ask that question, mama. It's okay, still, you are a wonderful parent to your only child, regardless if they don't always gonna pick you first. You love them, and you are a wonderful mama, you surely are a wonderful mama. Just look at you, look in the mirror, it's Christmas, you have made it woohoo! And made it, meaning you're still alive, you're smiling, you know, you look lovely, and you are doing the best you can with the time that's given. Hello, like you did the laundry, if you haven't done the laundry, you had to wake up and do the chores. And if you didn't do any chores today, look, you just got up and you showed up, and you gave your your child a hug, and then you're loving to your husband, you're pouring out to your community. And if your community is like, you know what, I live in a place and there's no one here. Well, look outside your window. Who do you see? Do you see a bird? Well, look, you said hello to the bird. Or if there's a cat. If you're like, I'm listening to this podcast and I don't have any neighbors like for miles. Well, if you get those binoculars out, and if they're really good binoculars, you can see maybe you can see a car go by there for a split second. I'm telling you, it's okay. But I just wanted to say, be kind to yourself and have a good laugh every now and then. You know what? Just have a good chuckle. Life has a lot of ups and downs, and your child is now six years old, and they're growing up really fast. I mean, I tell you what, Olivia and our conversations, I don't know if she asks a lot of questions at this stage. Honestly, I think she's more interpreting the questions that she's asking, and then I was listening. This is a fun thing. I had my headphones on, and I just wanted to. I was cooking dinner meeting ex on toast, and I had my headphones on because I was, you know, listening, watching a movie in the background, and she was trying to say something, and I'm like, Yeah, okay, not it. She said, Take that off, mom, take those headphones off. Now, the part of me is like, Oh, really? I just want some time trying to listen to this movie. But then I thought, wait a minute, I need to take it off because a if she does the same thing, who she's gonna learn it from me. So I took it off, but it's just the way she communicated, it almost like looked like something I would say to her in the mirror, the way I moved my face, you know, the way I did my head, like, take it off. Like, I was like, Oh my goodness, that's what I look like when I'm telling you to take your headphones off. So even though what I love about Olivia is that I can see myself in her now, when she's dancing, my husband goes, That's your moves. I was like, Yeah, she's got the heartbeat of an Islander because I'm an Islander, and I tell you what, man, she knows how to like jam, just keep to the rhythm. So that's what she's got, and I always tell her, I said, you know what I love about you, even though what I'm gonna say, you like the math doesn't add up. I always tell her, I love and respect your father so much. You have a hundred percent, a hundred percent of goodness from daddy, and you have a hundred percent wonderful things about mama, which equals all the hundred percent, and no, okay, that doesn't I'll go back. I see you always I see you have a hundred percent of so good stuff about daddy, you have a hundred percent goodnesses about mama, which equals a hundred percent of you, and God loves you so much. You're like, What? Meaning that all the good parts, everything we love about her is from mommy and daddy, and her Olivia, the way she is, the way she thinks. Excellent way she creates and innovates, it's her. So when she says, Oh, I always pick daddy, I said, Yeah, I won't pick daddy because he is so good. You look at all the good things, and we always talk about calling out the treasures, calling out the gold, meaning, see the goodness that God has given you and your father. You are so good like that, and all the good stuff about me and what I love about myself. Yes, pick those out, and I'll tell you about those things if you forget. And I always remind you about you are your own person too. So you come from wonderful mom, you come from a wonderful family, and a mommy and daddy who loves you, who loves you because you are Olivia, and we love you the way you think, you with the way you create, and you have all the goodness. I'm sure we all make mistakes, and it's okay, it's okay. That's how we learn, as long as we keep learning. So that's what I wanted to share about mama. If you ask that question, whether you're my friend and you get annoyed about it, and it's okay to be annoyed, but then afterwards, just ask yourself, Well, why do they pick? Why do they pick the other parent and not me? And maybe there's some things there might be a truth to it. Like maybe you might have to like ask yourself, okay, would I have picked myself? I don't know. Or you could be my other friend, and her daughter picked her mom. Like the mom goes, well, she picked me. And if you get to listen to her story, I say, Yeah, I I know why, yeah, I would pick you too. Or if you're like me and my daughter's gonna pick my husband, I'm like, Yeah, okay, I mean on that, and I'm fine with that. Why am I true fine with that? It's because I know that I am the best man for her, and I love her so much, and God loves me, I'm okay with that. And hey, because I know she says she's always gonna say something funny, but then she'll say, Mommy, I love you, and I say, Yeah, I love you too. And then I tell her, Hey, I'm gonna remind you when you get annoyed that you love me, and I probably need reminding myself when I I get annoyed at myself, but I just wanted to share that with you all. If you're listening, you're a wonderful mama, and I wanted you to let you know that have a wonderful and Merry Christmas. Please take care, do something for yourself as you're celebrating, you know, the birth of Jesus Christ, and celebrating with your friends and family, just having a wonderful time. Let you know just how much I appreciate you listening to my podcast, going with me on this journey, and remember, high-five yourself, give yourself a 20-second hug. I think last time I said 20 minutes, but give yourself a 20-second hug. You are doing wonderful, and then tell everybody else you're welcome. Take care of yourself, do something fun for yourself, and as you're listening to me, smile. You know what? If you smile, you feel good, and you know, I was okay. I'll talk about this other episode later. That's hilarious. It's like try and smile with your eyes. What does it even? You know, I'll save for the next episode. So this is for thank you to for listening to my podcast. For okay, I was gonna say something else. Thank you for listening to Love and Focus, building a community, one episode at a time for your only child, and actually, you're building a community for yourself as well. So, mama, have a Merry Christmas and a happy new year. I'll see you in the next episode. Bye.