Discombobulated with Bobby Jaycox

#70 Community College or Bust | Discombobulated with Bobby Jaycox

• Bobby Jaycox

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Ever wondered why New Year's resolutions seem to fizzle out faster than a New Year's Eve sparkler? Join me on a hilarious journey where I share my own escapades, like the time I found myself napping in my car between shifts as a ride-share driver. Adulting is a circus act, and I'm the clown juggling work, personal life, and the absurdities of our day-to-day routines. From the comedy club where patrons struggle with phone etiquette to the relatable struggle of choosing stability over passion, there's no shortage of laughs as we navigate the often chaotic reality of adulthood.

Let's not forget the quirky world of community college life, where being valedictorian is a title as unexpected as the peculiar campus smells. We'll poke fun at societal misconceptions, like the "blue blood" myth, and explore the random hilarity of social interactions in 2025. Caught up in the ever-chaotic world, humor is our refuge, especially within Austin's vibrant comedy scene. With tales of awkward mishaps and the art of calling out nonsense, you'll find yourself laughing and nodding along. Stick around for a giggle-filled ride and connect on social media for even more comedic insights and upcoming shows.

Speaker 1:

Be sure to follow Discombobulated on Patreon. For as little as $1. For just $1 a month, you can get bonus content like this. Make sure you sign up for just $1. $1? That is so cheap. It's the lowest you can bid on. The Price is Right and inflation's not getting this show. We're keeping it at $1. $1,. Bob Hi, welcome back to Discombobulated.

Speaker 1:

It is 2025. Happy New Year to you. How is your New Year's going? How's your first couple days into 2025? You posted about it online. You're like 2025, I'm going to bend you over, suck you and fuck you. And it started. And then it's like okay, you know, it's only a couple days in, you're not going to kill it. You're probably just going to do what you always do and wake up and try. Because it's funny that everyone was like fuck, fucking, sucked a dick in a half. But I bet if I went back and saw the beginning of your 2024, the end of your 2023, you were like I'm gonna kick you right in the dick this fucking time. I swear to god on my life. This year is gonna. I'm gonna fucking marry and divorce this bitch it. It seemed a little. It seemed a little dramatic once again, but we're all just trying.

Speaker 1:

I had a great 2024. You know a lot. There's a couple times I slept in my car more than I'd like to say would sleep in my car. Fold the seats down, drive, lift, had. The stinkiest person I've ever met in my car still had to sleep in my car, bobby.

Speaker 1:

That doesn't sound ideal. It doesn't go to college, get that degree, but I'm going to have a job. That's soulless for sure. But you know what? Also, you need nutrients and food. So nutrients and food. So if you want nutrients and food, go to college. If you want to live your dreams and have all your dreams happen and you have a cool Instagram post once a year, then do what I do. But if you want to have a credit score that isn't couldn't be the age of a person who is alive, then submit to some colleges.

Speaker 1:

Figure out what you want to do. That isn't something you want to talk about. What do you do for work? I don't want to talk about that. I sell something. I don't know what it is. I work. I sit down at a computer. I have a thing that moves my mouse. I had to get a new one because they figured out the algorithm of how that one moves. So that's kind of that's actually my job. That's pretty much what you do.

Speaker 1:

You go to college, you learn all these things like I'm going to change the world, you don't. And then you just work at a company and you try to let that company know that you're important, but you could never explain why to a physical human being. Only an email form. Are you like hireable? But I've talked. Okay, because, okay here, okay here's, I'll tell you this. This is how. This is how dumb human beings are Cause.

Speaker 1:

So I was working, um, I was working at, well, we'll just say, a comedy club, and I was like we were putting like phones into yonder bags, you know. And so I'm putting phones into yonder bags and before you do it, you're like, hey, you need to turn your phone off. And people are like I'm like you're already not gonna get your phone. It's crazy that they're like but can I just waste my battery and not have my phone? And so I was like, yeah, you have to turn your phone. It's not our rules, it's just if it's with the under thing, because then if, like you know, it's like an amber alert goes off or something, it's you're gonna, it's still gonna go off and then everyone was like I've turned that thing on.

Speaker 1:

But the amount of people that had no idea, the amount of people that had literally no idea I don't know if, jack O'Fallon, I'm gonna fall off again the amount of people that had no idea how to turn their phones off is how you and then. But they all were dressed nice and they looked like they had jobs like good jobs and they didn't. You know who knows how to turn their phones off is how you and then. But they all were dressed nice and you know they looked like they had jobs the good jobs and they didn't. I, you know who knows how to turn his fucking phone off? Bobby Jaycox Got to conserve that power when power isn't just needlessly given to you. Both of these off, it's okay, I'll, we'll just sit here and wait while you freak out and panic.

Speaker 1:

And then the amount of people that would be like I'm sorry, can I, may I please get back in my phone and back. I'm like, yeah, and they'd be like, and they'd like stand there, like can I walk away? And I'm like you're an adult, you can do anything you want, except for bring your phone into that. That's the only rule we're giving you. And then I was like by the door and people would come out Cause like if someone needed to use their phone, we'd have to like unlock their back. But people would walk by and be like, is it okay if I go to the bathroom? I'm like you're 49 years old, you can do whatever you want. It's chilly in my apartment. My heat's still not fixed. That's why I keep pulling my fucking hood up. I'm a cold bitch. Sue me, sue, sue, studio.

Speaker 1:

I didn't make any new year's resolutions. I always just uh, what do I do? I just kind of you, just kind of keep trying. You, there's things that you manifest or whatever. There's things that you work for, there's things you try for, but I feel like for the most part, you just kind of you just try, I feel. Because I also feel like if I write something down too specific, it can feel like going to taco bell and like having your order and as soon as you're like can I get a five layer burrito? They're like we're out of any kind of tortillas. Okay, I'll have a baja blast. They're like we have. We have Mountain Dew, but it's the same color, but it's just Mountain Dew. All right, can I get cinnamon twists, yes, but I just don't want to. That's okay. We're all human beings on this planet together and we're not allowed to get mad ever, and then someone will get mad. You're like like that's crazy, but I kind of wanted to do that. I kind of wanted to go, just in public. People were getting it out on me.

Speaker 1:

I felt that too, when I was putting their phone in the yonder bags, people would look at me and be like, like it's my idea. But I've been there and I've done it too. Like a little bit, you know, we've all you know, been a little bit of an asshole. All right, you've been an asshole. You've been an asshole a time or two. You're not perfect. Who the fuck do you think you are? That's what I'd say to everybody.

Speaker 1:

And I'd put their phone in the yonder bag and, uh, while we were working, uh, my buddy curtis. He was helping, we were doing yonder bags and he goes, he's. I was like is there another company? He's like no, he's like I'm gonna make them. They're gonna be called ponder bags. And I was like curtis, that's an excellent idea, because I don't know what yacht to yonder means. I feel like that's like just one of those words that you just kind of see and you're like I see you word, but he was like ponder. I'm like that is what's happening because you don't have your phone. You kind of like have to ponder, and he said that I was like you should start it. But, like any great idea, we just don't and we just hang out. I've had a lot of great ideas Uber, my idea.

Speaker 1:

Self-driving cars not mine making the um, those Christmas tree, but there's zebra cakes, but they're Christmas trees making those all year round Not my idea. Wish it was. What came first? Was there zebra cakes? And then someone came in with those, like someone, like a zebra cakes were selling so good, and then someone came in with those Christmas trees and they were like hi, like they played dumb. They're like I just kind of tried to whip something up in the back their head. They're like I just made the best tree in the world, and so they uh, yeah, they uh, you know they made those. And then we all had to pretend that we like zebra cakes as much. I didn't eat any of those this year, though, because I am a monster, but as I get older, you just know you can't buy.

Speaker 1:

I live by myself. Well, I live with another person, but if he took one of my fucking Christmas trees, I would sell his soul to another country that we are not a fan of right now, and I can't keep up. I've heard a couple of them, but I don't want to talk shit, because don't we all have the internet and this is a pretty popular podcast? This podcast is fucking humongous. If 20 people is a big number to you, that's a pretty regular amount of views that I get. I'll wait while you're like God damn, I should check out other stuff from this guy. I have so many other things you can see. You can see the side of my head in a Hulu movie if you fucking pause the movie, fucking fast enough. Oh, my God, that's Kate Upton and like a fat Bobby Jaycox in the back. Yes, and then I was.

Speaker 1:

Oh yeah, the other day I went to uh, I went to cap city. I was on a show and I got there. I, I miss, I misread the time, and so I was early, but that's, that's always better, you know, I'm always I'm at least earlier. So then I had some time to kill, so I was walking around the cap cities in the it's in this place called the domain, which I always just thought was like an outside mall. But I had also. I've never I don't think I've ever seen this. It was an outside mall and it was. It's very big. But then I was walking by and I saw someone inside cooking and I was like what? And then I kept walking and then I saw that they were like there was another one. I was like are these fucking apartments? And I look around and these people, like live at a mall. I saw people working out at a mall.

Speaker 1:

You're not a real person if you do that, are you? If you work out next to a dick's sporting goods, are you alive? You're probably one of those people who went to college. You have a great job and you're like I feel safe here, I don't have to try, and I'll just be scared that one day my body isn't going to work as well, but at least I'll have money that the uh, whichever government runs America in the future or if America runs us still probably poorly we'll just be taking your money when you get older anyway. So they're going to take your money.

Speaker 1:

So do you want to go to college now or later, or never? I got. I went to community college. I got two years in. They gave me an associate's degree and we had a procession for it and I know that's what you call. I think that's what you call when there's a funeral, which is what it felt like. I just wanted to get it and my mom was like no, let's go to the ceremony. I'm like that would be like if you played a fucking football game and at halftime you all clapped hands as, and then you were allowed to stop, as if they're, and they're like. He played a football game. He got a degree in a football game halfway through. You got a halfway through a game degree, a community college associate's degree, the participation trophy of college this is what. If you guys want to know, this is what community college is like. I, for two days, was on the cheerleading team. You could just do that. You.

Speaker 1:

I was in a class with a guy who kept looking at me. They said my name and then he looked at me even harder and he was you, 20 years older than me. He goes, is your last name jay cox. I was like he's like I went to high school with your mom. I'm like I. I can't imagine something I don't want to talk about more. Is you knowing my mom and her adolescence? Like, oh my god, your mom used to get so fucked up. That's a community college, though you know what I mean it's not like. And there are also Like oh my God, your mom used to get so fucked up, that's a community college, though you know what I mean it's not like. And there are also parties. Disgustingly enough, I went to a community college party and, by God, was that not something I would ever want to go to again. Just fights someone's like.

Speaker 1:

There was a smell of smoke in the air and I was like I've never smelled that that smoke before. I don't know what you guys are smoking in here, but that smoke doesn't smell like a bonfire, it does smell like chemicals. It does not smell like you're maybe like burning, like bubbles. Are you burning scrubbing bubbles? Back there at community college, we ran out of incense, so we're just fucking blowing. We're just blowing. We're just blowing fire bubbles. Yeah God, what a crazy to live. And the party we went to was on site. Someone lived at Jefferson Community College Many people. Because you gotta get back to community college. Fuck living by your job, fuck making sure your family's okay. You gotta get back to college and you join the cheerleading squad and you're valedictorian, which would be the which would be the worst student at any other legitimate university. You got a 2.0 and you're somehow the valedictorian of a community college Go Vikings. It's so funny that there's a place that's that is going on, probably right now, called Jefferson college Still, like there's.

Speaker 1:

I I can remember some of my kindergarten classes so clearly and vividly. I can remember whole days of putting our hands in whipped cream or whatever and you know just color and just with no cares in the world. And I can't tell you. I don't remember the name of one of my classes in college Community. I don't remember any of them. I can't remember what I learned. You remember, you have like brief moments. I remember like trying to fall asleep in a couple of them, and then a couple people I'm like do they take attendance in this class? That's crazy.

Speaker 1:

I didn't know about, I didn't know, I didn't. I can't go to real college. Well, if this one goes well enough, maybe I can transfer, but I have to do it in time. Yeah, I don't know if I will. I know it's expensive. Yeah, and then you could also. There's like a sister program here, so technically I could be going to like SIUE, but at Jeff, so weird.

Speaker 1:

No, you play for the Cardinals but you'll never be on the field with them and be a legitimate member. God, what a weird experience. Community college, ugh. And I've never been in a job interview. Well, I've never been in a job interview, but I've never. And they're like, oh my God Says, you went two years to a community college. What'd you get your degree in the generalization of knowledge, something that they would use to categorize K through 12? Yes, how'd you do in high school? Fucking poorly.

Speaker 1:

Did they fucking have gym at communique? Did I go to gym? Did I fucking wear? Did I get a? Did I have to sit out one day because I didn't bring blue gym shorts? I didn't bring v gym shorts? I don't think I did. But I swear to God, if we were in the, could you imagine a guy who's been working at Chrysler his whole life and then they close the Chrysler plant and then he's like they were, like we'll pay for you to go to community college, and then he sits crisscross, applesauce as they go. All right, today we're playing with that, with that big umbrella, that rainbow parachute and throwing balls in the air and at one point we all get underneath it and we sit there and we go where did your life go wrong? Who's here? Who's divorced? Everybody I wasn't even divorced and they're like you'll be divorced.

Speaker 1:

As soon as someone meets you and you tell them they you went to community college, they will take you for everything you're not worth realize you'll fuck up their credit score. You can't find love if you've been in community college or that is just a fact of life. And if you're like, well, I went to community college, take a step back and realize what kind of love you don't have. Before you come at me listening to a podcast with 20 views you don't know shit about. Fuck dude, if you're listening to this podcast, you're going to community college and you'd be lucky to. You could go to discombobulated university where we teach fuck if we know and I'm selling merch now it's fucking discombobulated university and we are not accredited.

Speaker 1:

But isn't that the American way now? Kind of just going by the seat of your pants, saying sorry later, I mean, and then you know you get sued. What's more American than getting sued? You got served, thank you. Thank you for your service. When you get served papers now, you're a veteran in this country. Basically, you've been through some hard times. You've just been people just been trying to sue you or get payments from you and just like, just fucking out of the way. That is your. Give this guy a purple heart because he's not getting blood to his lungs. So you know his heart's not red or whatever color. By the way, that's not true. Your blood's never blue. Okay, google, is your blood ever blue, or is that a fucking lie?

Speaker 2:

My apologies. I don't understand.

Speaker 1:

Okay, google is your blood ever blue.

Speaker 2:

On the website healthlinecom. They say blood pumped directly from the heart is oxygen-rich and bright red. As the blood circulates the body and oxygen is removed by tissue, the blood grows darker. For that reason, blood returning to the heart and lungs often has a dark red appearance, but it's never blue.

Speaker 1:

I was an EMT, I should have known that. But it's never blue, honestly, honestly, you're silly. You're silly if you think shit like that. You're silly if you think the wrong shit. And if you think the wrong shit, you could go to community college, discombobulated university. We call ourselves a university but we're a cc community college. We got a billboard.

Speaker 1:

When you're, when you're driving home, when you're you're going back to your, you're just like where did my life go wrong? And you look up and you see a vikings billboard and a phone number that you're not going to be able to remember by the time you pass the billboard. But you remembered Vikings and you've seen the commercials. Why are you just laying down Give them a call, you're just fucking, you're taking bad shits anyway. Give them a call and then they you know you fucking. Anyway. Give them a call and then they you know you fucking.

Speaker 1:

You just had a bad night. You probably you cheated on every family member you've ever had in any capacity your wife with another person, your aunt. You called someone else, your aunt. You said I'll have you more because they would drink with you and you needed to. And then you drove home fucking too fucked up. And then you saw that you're like'm going to call and then you don't for about six or seven years and then the Chrysler plant closes and then you have to decide do I lose my family or do I go back to a community college and go you?

Speaker 1:

know I knew your mom back in high school before I met my wife. It's actually how I met my wife Uh-huh, yep, uh-huh, yep, uh-huh. Your mom and her. They were hanging out and I was like and I actually was hitting on your mom and she was having none of it. So I married Diane and then we got divorced and then I married Jennifer. You know Jennifer, she's your neighbor, she's a fucking bitch. So that's the life you could leave Lead I. That's the life you could leave Lead I went to community college.

Speaker 1:

I'm allowed to make mistakes, mistakes. Last one was actually fucking a little embarrassing. But who cares? Who gives a fucking fucking shit? Oh, I will say this is it's later in the podcast, but let's just do it now.

Speaker 1:

June 6th and 7th, I got three shows headlining the Velveeta room. You got to see this the oldest, the longest running comedy club in Austin, texas. What they're going to let you headline? You're goddamn fucking right. You're goddamn fucking right. You're going to see some sponsored ads. I'm going to pay five bucks to the fucking Facebook. You'll see them. You'll get'll get them. You'll get on. You'll get fucking annoyed. You'll get annoyed at me spending some more money than I'll make at the comedy club promoting it to let you to fucking sell it out. We got godsmack on the show too. We got, uh, dj khaled is not gonna do it, but who knows, by june, who knows people? People's lives flop sometimes, so you got to kind of be on the watch for that, because if that happens I will, I'll have them on my show.

Speaker 1:

I'll do anything to make it now, and I know you're like I would do shut up. Everything we do is bad. We are. We live in america. There's nothing you do. It's good. So stop acting like you're mightier than thou. That's what I'm gonna do in 2025 is stop acting like you're better than everyone else, because I've never done it myself, because I'm fucking better than you. One of my personalities just said that and I'll just who cares to figure out which one bobby aren't you trying to heal? You know what, what I'm all fucking. You know what I'm all set.

Speaker 1:

You know, sometimes you just see a car and you're like you ever see a car so fucked up? You ever see a car so fucked up and rusted and nasty and stinky on the inside? That's me. You see a car so stinky, fucked up, rusted out and gross. Do you ever think let's get you back on track? No, let's just hope, to God, we make it to the grocery store. Maybe that's what 2025's about.

Speaker 1:

Can I fucking get out of my bed, pretend I'm going to stop whatever I'm addicted to today? And can I get in my car that when I start it sounds similar to my lungs when I wake up, like, if I, if, can I rattle, rattle, thunderclatter, boom, boom, boom, don't worry. Can I get groceries today? Just we don't make right turns in this car. Can I get groceries today? Just we don't make right turns in this car. You ever see that car and go? 2025 is going to be that year for the 1976.

Speaker 1:

I don't know cars because I went to community college and I didn't leave from Chrysler. I did better. I killed it in high school and my family was like couldn't express how much college was going to be expensive. And I got straight A's and they're like you get you know what? We'll give you the worst college experience ever, god. Well, my friend Stacy, she got straight A's, never missed, she got this award, Never missed a day of school. Did she get called by all these colleges to be and we'll be like we'll send you for free? No, that's how stupid school is and then eventually they trick you to trying to go back. They, you see a commercial and you're like I should do that while you're.

Speaker 1:

While you're watching, while you're watching, if it's from when I remember, you're watching episodes of a what was the with a girls gone wild, just them selling the DVDs of Girls Gone Wild. And if you bought, if you ever bought that, if you ever, ever, ever bought the Girls Gone Wild DVDs, I'm positive you're aware of this podcast in my existence. I'm positive you're friends with my dad, you're a fucking kind of a fat firefighter and you bought the girls gone wild and you still you're on the chive. Those guys, those guys know about this podcast and they bought the Girls Gone Wild DVDs. Sometimes I'll just be somewhere and I'll just play the pan drum, just ding, ding, ding, ding, and just see everyone just get fucking hard. Just kidding, they can't anymore. They gotta take Blue Chew, which this episode is sponsored by Blue Chew.

Speaker 1:

If you're chewing on something blue, tell a friend nearby about this podcast. We're not sponsored by blue chew. It's just a way to announce that you could tell anybody about. You could be sitting right now. Take your headphones out. In new york city we got a lot of fans more than you think in new york city and look at the person next to you and go.

Speaker 1:

Hey, I was just eating a blue skittle and it made me want to tell you you could listen to discombobulated, and they'll go, because most people in New York identify as cats, which I'm fine with. It's not. You can say. You can say a thing and not feel anything. Crazy, crazy for feeling, but life's good. You know what did we talk about today? Going to community college 2025, it's going to be your year and hey, if you did sign up for community college and this episode made you sad for what you have to get prepared for, hey, that's just who I am.

Speaker 1:

I say the worst things. I'm the bearer of bad news. Kind of on accident, I'm the guy that goes how's your dog? And you'll go put them down. Recently I'm like but at least I'm not the guy at the bar last night who said this. He was talking to our friend.

Speaker 1:

We're all comics, but there's a couple. There's a guy and a girl, a couple of comic, and I know they're together, but there's a couple. There's a guy and a girl, a couple comic, and I know they're together, but this other comic doesn't, and I don't know if he, I don't know what he was doing, I don't know if he was hitting on the girl or whatever, but our other friend left and he doesn't know this couple and they're just standing there and he goes God, you're so pure, and she goes what? You are so pure, I, you are so pure, you should. I feel like Matt, you and Matt have the same energy. I feel like you guys would be great partners. And she goes what? And he just goes. You know what I mean. And we all were like no, and then her, her husband, goes oh, so what do you mean by like her partner? And he goes. I just mean what. I mean man, and we all, and then he walked away. We were all just like, and that's been happening more.

Speaker 1:

But you know, what I've been doing in 2025 is telling people how I feel you don't even have to be mean, you don't have to be like you're an asshole. You know what you can say to someone and they don't even realize you're making fun of them is they can say something and you can laugh. When they laugh, you can keep the energy going and then just go. That fucking absolutely sucks. And then they'll go. I know, I know I said my cat was injured and I never took it to the vet. And I know I said my dog was sick and I said I just didn't take him to the vet because I don't fucking do that. And whenever I tell you that that sucks and you should probably stop talking, you'll keep talking. And God, don't we all sit in a group and just go.

Speaker 1:

What the fuck was that guy all about? But hey, listen, we're not perfect. It's 2025, to know thyself. That's all 2025 for me. And I tell you what I know not everyone loves me. I know I'm a lot, but guess what Zebra kinks? They ain't changing for you. They're not putting Christmas trees out all the time, even though you get it and you want. Even though you want to get it and I'm not becoming anything different just for you, unless I want to Sometimes you have to do that. And then you tell your friends later I'll be like do you see how fucking weird I was to that guy? But hey, if I would have told him the truth, he would have fucking never accepted me.

Speaker 1:

Sometimes people just have to. You know, know that they suck assholes. And then sometimes people have to. You got to pretend that they're nice and cool. People do it to me all the time. There's nothing wrong with it. We're all trying our best and I'm glad that you're here with me to experience this. And 2025 is going to be it's going to be everyone's year. How could it not be? There's no way we're about to be in war. Like every single person. I've heard so many people who don't talk about anything at all all of a sudden saying the words three front war. Three front war never heard it.

Speaker 1:

You've never talked about war. Now you're saying three front, let's all play. Let's play chinese checkers. Yeah, let's play the game we never played in back. I know how to play this and as soon as anything complicated happens, you go oh, I actually don't remember what happens. Yeah, it's because you don't know what the fuck you're talking about. We all just Everyone's just talking in 2025, including me. We do it for clout, we do it for love, we do it for Godsmack, who's going to be playing at my show June 6th and 7th at the Velveeta Room in Austin, texas. The best city in the world to do stand-up, it's probably New York, but right now Austin's killing it, if that makes sense.

Speaker 1:

What about LA? You go out to LA, you. You tell me what you think about when you come back. I won't tell you what I think about LA. You go there and come back and tell me what you think about it. You go watch the homeless lady fucking, rock them, sock them robots on a fucking bus while you're trying to sleep because it's an hour ride to go and donate plasma in Los Angeles. While you're trying to sleep because it's an hour ride to go and donate plasma in Los Angeles. While you're visiting, trying to get on shows that didn't work out, because it just didn't work out. People make promises and then it just doesn't work out. And then you watch some lady punch another lady and then, whenever she leaves the bus and everyone chases her, you're the only one waiting with that lady who does not speak English and you try to help her and then she's scared of you and then she realizes you want to help and then you realize no one else has called the police and then you just go. Okay, la is crazy. You go out to LA and you tell me what you think about it, but I'll tell you what I think about this.

Speaker 1:

That's the fucking podcast. Thank you so much. I gotta run. I got shows tonight. I got spots all weekend. Check them out. I post about them. Follow me on Instagram, follow us here on YouTube, make sure you subscribe, make sure you follow us on Patreon. It's one dollar to fucking get bonus this more, more you want. I'm giving it out for free if it's a dollar paid, you know. So, yeah, yeah, that's it. That's the podcast. You're great. And how could you not be? Because you're listening to this. You're listening to Z1077. Bye.