Embracing the New Year, go slow and steady for Couples

Unlock the secrets to a thriving love life with me, Renee Richel, as we take a heartfelt journey into enhancing romantic partnerships. This episode promises to arm you with actionable strategies for deepening your connection with your significant other. We'll navigate through the transformative practice of 'couch talk', a safe haven for unguarded dialogue that acts as a preventative measure against the emotional 'scar tissue' that so often hinders relationships. Prepare to rediscover the thrill of curiosity that keeps the spark of discovery alive in your love story, keeping it as enthralling as the initial chapters.

As your guide, I'll also unveil the vital role of assuming positive intentions and how it fortifies the bonds of love. By diving into personality assessments and love language quizzes, we foster empathy and understanding, essential ingredients for any successful partnership. This conversation is an ode to self-love and its undeniable influence on our relationships, highlighting the magic that flows when we embrace our individuality while working in unison towards shared dreams. So, whether you're floating in the honeymoon phase or steering through the challenges of a seasoned companionship, tune in for invaluable insights that promise to enrich your romantic voyage.

Transcript

Renee Richel: 0:07

Hi, I'm Renee Richel, the founder and president of 1 True Match. I'm here to help you find and cultivate the love of your life. For over a decade, I've dedicated my life to the importance, purpose and dynamic of human relationships. My team and I are disciplined by faith, love and integrity to help our clients find the quality relationship they've always dreamt of. Each week, I will be sharing the tools and tips I've learned that have rooted my success as a matchmaker with other leaders around the world.

Renee Richel: 0:39

Hello loves, Happy 2024. And if you listened to our other one, then this is probably not the right podcast for you. We just did one for the singles and I definitely wanted to do something for our now dating, engaged and married couples, because, at the end of the day, what we do is find people to love other life and we stay with them through the entire journey. So I want to offer some goals I'm going to call it maybe instead of New Year's resolutions that you can thrive to strive for in 2024 if you are in a relationship, so that it sets you up for success. So let's dive right into it, because I know you guys want the details and hopefully, if you're writing this down, you are not driving. If there's anything else that I can give advice to offer this, I would love to help, so I'm just going to jump right into it. So number one goal for my couples out there is to be more emotionally honest about your thoughts and feelings. Time and time and time again. So many couples that we work with and we talk to on a regular basis, it's like they're so good at communication up to the point that then they become in a serious relationship. It's almost like that honeymoon phase has kind of died and then they get comfortable and then they get relaxed and they stop actually working on the relationship. So if you find yourself you're in one of these positions or you're in one of these scenarios, it's so important we hit the reset button and go back to the beginning, and every tip that I'm going to give you on this journey that we're on all together is figuring out and to have the most thriving relationships is it's really, really important that you become an expert in your own relationship and what you practice and preach and do, that your mate will also be doing the same thing. Anything you listen to, they should listen to. You should have conversations right, because the goal in this next new year and for the rest of your life, should be working on a relationship that is growing and thriving together, because you both have those same common goals. So it's really important we always talk about and I always say this, couch talk. If you haven't done this, do it in 2024.

Renee Richel: 2:53

If you have no idea what couch talk is, it's not meant to be. We need to talk conversations. It's meant to be exciting and fun and a time where you listen as much as you talk and you just plug in to your mate, like we often do in the beginning of a relationship, where we care so much about what they're saying and we want to figure out what's most important to them so that we can also come alongside of them and be supportive and encouraging. And when we're not coming into a space that feels safe and a place where you can really express how you feel and your thoughts and we don't have that safe environment to be able to do that in, which is what we call couch talk then often so many times they're not discussed and then people's feelings and thoughts and emotions get put aside, which then over time it builds up so much terrible scar tissue that a couple typically cannot come back from so right out of the gate. It's so important that you put some couch talk conversations on your calendar this year. I always tell my couples to definitely try to do it at least once a month, quarterly for sure, and if you can do it more often on a regular date night, that's super important as well. And really just what it means is says I want to connect with you. I have other podcasts that we've done on what couch talk means, so I encourage you to listen to those as well, and so it's just. It's really, really important to be able to be with a partner where you can honestly emotionally connect, and it is really important that you also think, process, reflect, to be able to articulate in a very educated and knowledgeable as well as clear message when you're sharing your thoughts and feelings.

Renee Richel: 4:38

I think so many times we witness people just start sharing their thoughts and feelings in the moment where they haven't had the time to really process or think through how the other person A would receive it and B their own thoughts and emotions and feelings around it, and that's when problems typically surface. So if you listened to nothing more, I hope point number one and goal number one is that you spend more time emotionally sharing your thoughts and feelings, which is called couch talking. This year, goal number two is stay open minded and curious about each other, always, always, always, always. Hear me say this time and time again my dear mentors in the industry, pam and Bill Farrell, always say what makes their marriage last and thrive is because they stay emotionally curious about each other. I love that. Love that because it's so important that every day, you wake up right with a curiosity of things that you have going on in your life. It's so important that you're doing that with your mate as well and that you keep an open mind.

Renee Richel: 5:39

And you know, we'll talk about other tips, obviously too, or goals to set, but I think so many times people then start to, you know, wake up and then they start to get into this rut of just oh, it's another day, it's going to be another scenario, and they've lost that spark of excitement that when a relationship begins and it should continue to be where they have that curiosity of excitement of what's today's going to unfold and what'll happen and what moments will we share that God knows that he has planned ahead of us to go through and instead of looking at the day. As you know, it was another just boring day at the office or it was another boring day at this is also throughout the day. Think about, you know, things that have happened that you can create into even a story that you know turns into something that is exciting and you know your partner looks forward to sharing your day because you stayed open-minded and curious about things that you want to do and just explore in that mindset. Goal number three please, please, please, please Obviously you're listening to this, so you are coupled is use we statements.

Renee Richel: 6:48

I can't tell you how many times I hear that when we sit with couples and we're going through just communication skills, one on one is that when you are coupled and you've made a choice to exclusively be in a relationship with someone, whether it be dating, engaged and obviously married this is a marriage commitment is that you make we statements? It should never be. I want to do this, I'm going to do that, I should do this. You should. You know it should definitely always be we statements and if you're in a relationship and obviously if you've ever gone through any type of couples retreats or things like that, it's so important we say things like you know.

Renee Richel: 7:24

One I love saying, especially after the holidays, to our couples is we should continue to do things that are good together and not just during the holiday season, which typically happens, right, you're doing all these maybe more than you normally would volunteer or you know, type activities together, and it really builds this great feeling. Well, I don't know why people just stop doing that after the new year, right, because now they're worrying about being the best version of themselves, which is important, obviously but I think it's important to also continue to do things together that are good things for others as you go throughout the year. Another thing I always say it sounds crazy, but we all have to be in the best physical shape, right To also continuously attract our mate, not only for our own self, so that we feel sexy and feel great and attractive is that it's important that our mate's doing the same thing. So one tip I always give couples is to make sure you're sweating together, whether it be doing something in the garage. I mean, how many times do we do these projects where it's like you know your husband or your wife or you guys go and do different tasks and, yes, there are certain things that you know. Maybe having your partner around isn't wise, depending on how you guys do tasks together, but choose something where it's like you're sweating together, and what I mean by that is doing something, whether it be an activity or it be doing a project or something because at the end of that you can both look back, spending time together, probably laughing through things that happen and also then seeing the achievements that you've done together, and I promise you, if you sweat together, you're staying healthy. The next statement you're gonna love more than anything that I always say is make sure we prioritize sex and it is something that sounds a little crazy, because nobody wants to be on a schedule when it comes to that department, obviously, but it is amazing how many times people then put that so far down their list and they forget, especially in the beginning of a relationship, when you are, you're thriving in your sex life, and so it's just so important that it's a priority to both of you, because that is something that's so intimate and so special between the two of you to share. That is something that has to continue. That God gave us that, obviously, gift in a couple and in a marriage to be able to have and cherish that. It's so important that that time that you have and you spend together in that intimate moments is really important and obviously is a priority on your list, along with incredible date nights that are really special and thought through, that aren't the same routine. It's also so number four I would say it's super important to stick to one.

Renee Richel: 10:12

I'm not gonna call it argument, but disagreement. At a time, so many times our couples will just they come in or they're sharing stories, or they're sharing this and they're sharing that. The problem is when you're heated about something and, trust me, we've all been there I've been there right, even as a relationship expert where it's like you start talking about something and then, oh, it's like you're in the heat of the argument, right, and then somebody brings up a zinger and I use that as an example of something that you know will just sting your partner. That has nothing to do with what your disagreement is that you're in the middle of and it just is so ridiculously unhealthy. So, first of all, I'm not about having an argument in the first place. I am all about having the know with all how to know when things.

Renee Richel: 11:03

Then the pressure is building to be able to excuse yourself, to take a breath, say I think it's time let's take a moment, let's come back at a better, reasonable time. Whether it be five hours, 72 hours, whatever it is, it's so important to communicate that you're just, you don't want it to get worse, and stop. Stop. Spend time reflecting, thinking, being on both sides, to come back together at a reasonable time so that you both can discuss this, instead of bringing up more and more things so that you resolve whatever the disagreement is and not let it keep surfacing. I mean, the reality of it is is when you get really good at communication. You shouldn't be bringing up things ever again from the past, because you're resolving each disagreement at a time and so definitely thrive in 2020 and going forward to resolve disagreements maturely together, one at a time.

Renee Richel: 11:59

I would say goal number five would be. In addition to that would be don't blame your partner. How many times do we get into this blaming game of wow, it's all your fault, or if you did this, or if you did that, or if you were better at this, we wouldn't be in that scenario. Everybody knows. Again, things should not be accusative where you say you are and more expressing, I feel this way about something and it just it takes the shield of armor of who you're talking to when you're accusing them down to be way more able to receive what you're saying, because it's in a much more loving and caring matter than when you are blaming your partner, because that only turns into a complete spiral effect of just obviously going down.

Renee Richel: 12:50

A bad, bad habit, and definitely I would say number six would be don't sweat the small stuff. I am always telling myself this. I feel like I wish if Connie was here she would totally agree that sometimes we get so worked up over the littlest things just because we're perfectionists, we're very detail oriented individuals, but at the end of the day especially when I was talking about on one of the other podcasts, the setting New Year's resolutions is to actually try to put less on your calendar to do more better because you're focused. So it's really important and I'm trying to do this this year. Going forward too, is to like not get so upset about the littlest details that happen and spend more time of the details that do matter, which are the people maybe in the event or whatever environment you're with, instead of worrying about what glass they have or what napkin they have, which, of course, I am all about those details, which is really gonna be a hard resolution for me this year, but it is possible. And the fact that you admit that to yourself and you say that out loud to your partner it's also a way of saying I know I'm not good at this. Help be my accountability partner, don't yell at me. Maybe just make a comment or a joke or something about how fun it was when we had this other event and it didn't matter if the glassware didn't match or things like that or whatever, and how much fun we got lost in conversation and remember the highs instead of all the things that we sometimes get upset at because of the smallest details.

Renee Richel: 14:26

Number seven, I would say always assume your partner has good intentions. You married the person or you chose to be exclusive with the person that you were with for a reason, and truly it was because they had good intentions, and they still do have good intentions, and so so many times you know, at the end of the day, god made us opposite sex for a reason. We are good at certain things and we are not so good at certain things. We all have our strengths, we all have our weaknesses. One thing that's really, really important, I think and I say this all day long is to really sit down, take a personality test, take a love language quiz, sit down, bring down all the facts and just have open conversations about that, because, at the end of the day, your partner has good intentions, but maybe they're just not great at something, whether it be their good at, you know, words of affirmation and they're terrible at acts of service, or maybe they're really good at acts of service and they're terrible at words of affirmation.

Renee Richel: 15:27

These are things that are so important to know that your mate, your partner in life, right, has good intentions and to assume that they always have good intentions. I hate that word assumption, but this is where I feel like it's really it needs to be used where you assume your partner means well and look at the good and maybe the things that weren't perfectly planned out, that they tried to do, but see it from their eyes, knowing their skill set and how God's designed them to be and truly their intentions behind something and, again, lead by example. So if you want something that intentions are even or you know what it is you're looking for are even more will also do to them and share with them during couch talk conversations, when you're talking about your feelings and thoughts, that will evolve into something more in what you're looking for, which is an expectation, because you've now communicated this with your mate, which only sets them up for success in the future. And goal number eight, I would say, would be to obviously it's so important to love your mate as yourself. So so many things we go through were constantly. You know, I want everybody to be their best version of themselves so they can be the best version in their partnership. But it's so important that you remember to love your mate as much as you love yourself, as obviously God intended love to be, so that together, when you're both your best version of yourself and you're loving your mate, you know as yourself and more that God designed marriage to be, then you two together, I always say, will have superpowers to do so many great things as a couple. So, instead of being so angry or upset at your mate, lean in together, instead of running to the hills when you're in your moments, and start working as a team, because otherwise there's no point in a marriage or a relationship if two people aren't working together to continue to grow and thrive in that relationship. So my huge tip for this year is to make sure you plug into one another. You prioritize your conversations, you know, dream together and make sure that you set goals that you can both achieve in this new year.

Renee Richel: 18:01

I hope that you have found this helpful. I love it when you all write in. I can't wait to be sharing more tips for not only just our singles, but also our dating, engaged and married couples that we're so proud of over the years, that are doing so well that we can plug into them and keep them thriving in every area of their life. Gonna love and leave you and hope you have a blessed day. It's been another great talk on this episode of One True Talks by Renee Richel. I look forward to our next chat. Please write in your questions and comments so I can be sure to talk about whatever it is you want to discuss in our next upcoming episode. Lots of love, God bless XOXO.