Navigating the treacherous seas of online dating can be a daunting voyage, but fear not, as certified life and relationship coach Witlee Ethan joins us to chart a course toward safer and more meaningful connections. In a world where swiping left or right could mean the difference between a match made in heaven and a disastrous ghosting tale, we dissect the evolution of digital courtship and the emotional toll it can take. Witlee, through her personal journey and legislative efforts, shines a beacon of hope for those seeking love in the age of algorithms, offering strategies to protect hearts and personal data alike.
As we shift gears, the conversation turns to the increasingly vital role of matchmaking services in the quest for true companionship. With the digital age chipping away at the chances for organic, face-to-face encounters, we delve into how professional matchmakers are redefining the pursuit of love with a focus on privacy, safety, and emotional depth. Together with Witlee, we uncover the profound value of self-reflection and vulnerability in nurturing lasting relationships, providing listeners with actionable advice to combat dating fatigue. Whether you're a seasoned online dater or a hopeful romantic, tune in for an enlightening discussion that might just lead you to the partnership you've been longing for.
Navigating the treacherous seas of online dating can be a daunting voyage, but fear not, as certified life and relationship coach Witlee Ethan joins us to chart a course toward safer and more meaningful connections. In a world where swiping left or right could mean the difference between a match made in heaven and a disastrous ghosting tale, we dissect the evolution of digital courtship and the emotional toll it can take. Witlee, through her personal journey and legislative efforts, shines a beacon of hope for those seeking love in the age of algorithms, offering strategies to protect hearts and personal data alike.
As we shift gears, the conversation turns to the increasingly vital role of matchmaking services in the quest for true companionship. With the digital age chipping away at the chances for organic, face-to-face encounters, we delve into how professional matchmakers are redefining the pursuit of love with a focus on privacy, safety, and emotional depth. Together with Witlee, we uncover the profound value of self-reflection and vulnerability in nurturing lasting relationships, providing listeners with actionable advice to combat dating fatigue. Whether you're a seasoned online dater or a hopeful romantic, tune in for an enlightening discussion that might just lead you to the partnership you've been longing for.
Hi, I'm Renee Richel, the founder and president of 1 True Match. I'm here to help you find and cultivate the love of your life. For over a decade, I've dedicated my life to the importance, purpose and dynamic of human relationships. My team and I are disciplined by faith, love and integrity to help our clients find the quality relationship they've always dreamt of. Each week, I will be sharing the tools and tips I've learned that have rooted my success as a matchmaker with other leaders around the world.
Renee Richel:Hello, loves, Welcome back to another very exciting podcast. Of course, they're all super exciting, right, Because we have such great things to talk about Today. I am excited to have Whitley Ethan back on, who is a certified life and relationship coach. We have been working very closely not only with our clients, but also matches and, just in general, the topic of dating fatigue. Really, what's happening in the world today when it comes to dating? Of course, it's matchmakers. We see and we're in it every day with the feedback in the hand-holding relationship between two people. With that said, I'm going to welcome Whitley and have her tell you what's been going on and all the great things she's doing to make a big movement when it comes to relationships today and fighting for the ones who need that extra help to be able to take flight off the scariness of online dating that we're going to talk about today.
Witlee Ethan:Thank you so much for having me again. It's always so fun to either be being interviewed by you or have you on my podcast. It's always just a blast. As Renee said, I am a certified life and relationship coach. I actually work for Biodesign Transformation Center. I'm also an inspirational speaker. I'm a two-time contributing author on the Grace for Prosperity Box.
Witlee Ethan:I'm a victim advocate for legislative reform and I'll get into that a little bit more. I'm a host of Libby Today's Purpose and a brand ambassador. I actually received an award in 2018 for my work in advocacy in the fight to end domestic violence in North Carolina. With my legislative reform, I've written a bill we're going to talk a little bit about this because this is my story and my experience with dating apps. From that experience, I wrote a bill to better protect women, but also victims and survivors of sexual assault. That bill is right now in the works, worked on a lot of different members of the House and Center are involved to have it introduced before the House and Senate Not this session, it would be next session, because right now we're in middle of an election year. We're not going to be talking about that. It will basically better protect women moving forward, which I'm all about.
Renee Richel:Yes, I love that. I love all the things that you're fighting for for all of us out there, because it's not only that you're fighting for the women, you're also fighting for all of my good guys that want to find well-sounded women that have not been destroyed in some way, shape and form, or at least heal through the journey to be in a healthy relationship going forward. I love that. Let's begin to talk about what everybody's talking about how crazy the world has become when it comes to the dating place we're in today. I have so many people that I'm calling it dating fatigue, because there's so many people now that are just like I'm not dating, I'm out, I'm done. We interviewed several Gen Z individuals because I'm all about. I think we need to pump this information into the younger demographic, plant the seeds, so that then, when they're coming up and ready to date, they're that much more prepared and equipped for us to do what we do, which is match them with the right individual. What we did is I did a little bit of research to see when was it that we were all I don't want me to say infected by the virus of online dating, but in some regards, yes, now there are plenty of people out there that it has worked for and they are happily married For all those relationships. That's amazing. That's awesome. It's like a lottery almost out there right of what you're playing. In some regards, everybody knows that going into it, doing the research in 1995 is when the first online dating app launched, and it was by matchcom. Where it really took flight was in 2012, when Tinder launched. Then after that, now there's millions and thousands of apps I've heard from, even when we talk about this in the world of just safety and protection, even the trained cops and things like that out there have also said there's been so many reports of people that just start these scam businesses.
Renee Richel:I want to dive into a little bit more about your story as well. We're going to dive into what options people have, because we always want this to be positive. I literally got a phone call with somebody yesterday that's looking to become a client and it was a female. She honestly said she goes the first marriage. Obviously I totally chose wrong. The second one, I chose online. It turned out to be the biggest scam artist and I was taken. We've had that happen with a lot of our clients that we now work with today, which is so sad. Anyways, whitley, I've also had you on because you are where you are today. Share with me a little bit about your story. I know you wrote an article on this about your online dating experience.
Witlee Ethan:Yes, I actually, a few years back, wrote an article for FaithWire on the five dangers of online dating that Christians should know. The very five things I talked about was catfishing, stalking, harassment and cyber bullying, human and sex trafficking and victimization of violence. Because what I kept coming across and I had gone on I mean I'm not on there now, but years ago I probably tried just about every one of them that was out there and even now there's it's booming. There's tons more just showing up out of the woodwork of like different ones I've never heard of before, and some of the things that I would experience and why I don't like is they'll put in your exact like miles of how far away you are from someone. And for the men not all men, but for those men who are scamming and it's fake pictures and it's fake information they now know exactly where you are.
Witlee Ethan:And I remember traveling because it would you know whenever I travel, because I have my phone with me. It would either say I'm closer to the person or I'm further away. And one guy reached out and said so you're now 3.8 miles away. Where are you? I'm close to you and I'm like I'm shopping and like I'm running errands. He's like what shopping center, like where?
Renee Richel:are you?
Witlee Ethan:Oh, my gosh so creepy and I was in the changing room of the store and I'm like no block. I mean it was like that's like you felt so exposed. And I get that like dating sites when you went and have their address and make sure that, like people that are in a certain place are meeting with people in that same place and are, you know, 500 miles away. But the way that some of the dating sites go about it actually put people in danger. Yeah, and there's really very little of them actually like making sure that things are like they're not up on keeping safety. I mean, I remember there would be so many accounts that would just be inappropriate pictures of men and I'd have to keep reporting them because that would be the profile picture and I'm like I don't understand how this isn't flagged and then they would start a new profile picture because they would get banned. And I'm like, like this, this should be like automatic with all of our you know technology. If there's an inappropriate picture it's not someone's face, it should immediately not even be allowed to even be posted. And so there's just so many issues with safety and in this one in particular situation, I met a guy and this was four years ago and he seems great. He said all the right things, talked a lot about faith, had faith on there, and that was, for me, a big thing. I mean, for those that definitely didn't have anything about faith, I'd swipe, left Like I would just swipe. And so he talked about faith and he's like, yeah, he's like I, you know like talking about a church and all this, and I'm like, oh, that's great, and we met for a date and that turned into the date from hell, because, for those that know my story, I ended up being held hostage and repeatedly sexually assaulted. And this is how I have this bill, because this bill is basically a documentation of every injustice I experienced with an judicial system, because he has never once been brought to justice. He's never once been brought in for questioning.
Witlee Ethan:Male DNA was found. They still won't bring him in. His male DNA is actually in the federal friends like index. That's crazy, crazy. But here's the thing he is a licensed insurance broker across the nation in 12 different states and he's on dating sites. So it's very easy for someone like this to be putting together a profile. It moving from state to state. With them. They can say whoever they want. They can say somebody else. They have no idea who they really are and now they're gone.
Witlee Ethan:And a lot of times women in the situation they either don't go and get help right away or they do, and there's not enough evidence. If you've taken a shower, used the restroom, all this stuff, there's so many factors that can cause there not to be the DNA there that they need to catch him. It was by the grace of God that there is DNA there, given everything he put me through over this 10 hours, and so my goal has been to keep him from doing it again, because now not only is he a threat in North Carolina, he's also licensed in Florida and so he's licensed in so many other states and then he's traveling from other states that he's not licensed in to get to those states, and it's creating even more people to be at risk of being harmed by someone like him. And I immediately reported him to Hange, which is where we met, and it did seem like they did remove him. But I know in the past where there's been other guys that have been reported.
Witlee Ethan:Dating sites haven't been very quick to report them or handle it or remove it. It's kind of been like well, he said, she said you're saying this, what would he say? And it's like you know, when you're having to protect a great multitude of people, you really need to be on top of this, and so what I like about matchmaking is there's a lot more. I mean, you're walking through it hand in hand with them and you're making sure that every T is crossed, every I is dotted, and, of course, you're also assessing safety. You're not going to be putting your clients, or even who their potential mate could be that you're introducing them to. Neither of them are going to be put at risk, and I do like that better.
Witlee Ethan:Again, not that people haven't had success on dating apps, but because it's the big dark web. There is that layer of risk that we do have to be aware of and be careful of, because there's been other stories in the news of things happening and someone being unsafe and someone getting harmed, and so just, I think, always, always, practice safety and precaution. If you don't feel right about something, block, do whatever you need to do. You know, call the authorities, call someone. Always let someone know where you are. End of story.
Renee Richel:Yes, amen, and you're on a date whoever it might be.
Renee Richel:Even with our clients, we know when and where they're actually meeting. We obviously do the first interaction of people when they're having a phone call and we're staying in touch with them. Not that we don't trust them, but yet we always say what happens in the first 24 to 72 hours of getting to know each other is critical when it comes to relationships that can take flight or also totally fail because of the smallest little things that have the most like the best potential right. So I completely get that and I am so sad that you've had to go through the warfare I don't know what else to call it or whatever right Of the dating, online dating world. When we were talking earlier to why I would say the Gen Z generation is now kind of turning away from apps, the majority of them said I mean they are younger. So, like I want to focus on my career, I want to focus on the things that I want to build, because, at the end of the day, the traditional way more of a man providing is not as common right. So it's also. And women want to go after their dreams and figure out their own path or their own purpose and their own calling, which I'm so encouraging, right, because it's important to have an identity, because you don't want to lose your identity if you never built an identity too young on. However, we were also talking about if you go back to and I'm not ageing, I'm not putting my age out there but if you go back to 1995, when this first came out, I would say the average person is now probably in their fifties, and so the reality of what's happening is we find more and more viewers are listening to us in that age demographic right, because they've now been, I hate to say it, but like divorce started kind of becoming more of a thing before then. I mean it's crazy. The divorce right now is at 64% right, like it keeps going up and up and up.
Renee Richel:And so what's happened in the shift of time is now those 50 year olds who then kind of went through the trauma in the self growth of starting to realize they don't deserve to be treated the way that they are. They don't deserve a partner it was a complete fraud to who they supposedly married, right, and so they get out of those relationships. They go on to online dating. It was so new back then, there was probably a little bit more success, but it's called online, which we all know what that means. That's publicly online, right In their own little app. And then it's called dating. It's not called like build a marriage or build a relationship, right, and so you're just getting anybody out there and dating is what it is right. Dating is just to date, just go on a date. And so when we all get upset when that doesn't work out, it's if you're not fishing in the right pond, you're not going to get the creme de creme of what you're looking for, and so like I get it.
Renee Richel:Why these Gen Z generation are, like I'm going to do it so different? Because they're the generation of the 50-ish, your old children now out there, like pre-college, now in college, and if you don't meet somebody in college, I mean we have so many parents now that are hiring us for their children because they didn't meet somebody in college. If you think about it, people are working from home more now. They're not these big corporations. Where and how are you going to meet your like-minded people, unless you're an alumni of some sort or your parents help introduce you to their like-minded individuals?
Renee Richel:So again, obviously I'm not trying to put a plug in for matchmaking, but clearly I am In the regards of the questions, the background checks and the things that we're able to do prior to ever even meeting somebody, but also work with the very serious, relationship-minded people, and so I think safety is obviously number one. But what I find over and over again and all of these dating apps and I think right now I looked it up, I think eHarmony has rise back up in like one of the more number one and the more recent dating apps, which is great because I think they do a great job of really asking. I mean, I've had so many people say, oh well, they ask too many questions and I'm like you can never ask too many questions, are you kidding?
Renee Richel:me, and if you're too lazy to fill out maybe like 101 questions, then that's the hate to call it the people that aren't serious about wanting to date that you don't even want them in your club, right, or you don't even want them in your circle. So I love that, like eHarmony does that. The only challenge with all these now apps trying to get more into like the matchmaking space is they're coming up with like talkify Then really took a growth in their numbers, or or just I would say, volume, is because now they're hiring like matchmaking pros. They call it right, so they're trained by the company, but they're not coming from a background of a testimonies or success of Relationship ready, ready people. That is a matchmaker. We're obviously really able to pull out the clients we choose to select and work with Just based on their background. So, like what Whitley does and our other life coaches and people that are so Around our circle, even like our pastors, our prayer words and things like that, it's all like the stepping blocks to get you to the start line of a relationship To them.
Renee Richel:What do you do after that? Because you have to continuously grow Once you actually find the right relationship. And what's happened over the years, as people get into a relationship on love and lost and they're like it all just work out right, because they see this fairy tale like life, and then they put it on the shelf after two or three years and it starts to really fade. And why is that? Because they never continuously enriched that relationship.
Renee Richel:So I want to ask you I mean, our clients are anywhere between, I would say probably Like mid 30s to like early 50 range. We're getting more and more of our 23 26 year old clients, which I love, I totally love that right, because they don't want to go on these apps, they want to be private, they want to be safe, they want to find, they're truly ready to like find that love of their life and like that'll be their mission for the rest of their life, on top of all the other things they do. What is the average, like age, that you're finding that you're speaking to? Maybe it's just who you're drawing in, naturally, but also really who you're finding needs the most help.
Witlee Ethan:I Would say for sure, late 30s, okay, early 50s. You know a lot of my client it's kind of Especially my female client will say I'm so frustrated. You know, like I'll meet a guy and then you know it's like there's no, are we gonna get together? Like you know, I don't want to be too aggressive, I don't want to be like asking him out, but he doesn't seem to be it. Just it seems like I know we've kind of talked about this in past interviews there's been so many things with roles that have happened and and everyone's kind of taking kind of a very relaxed like I think it has a lot to do with the divorce rates.
Witlee Ethan:So many people are so hesitant, because of past breakups and because of past hurts, to get back into it, because it's like well, diverses on the rise and kind of set my ways, I don't want to change for anyone. I don't know if I really want to make room for anyone. Like how much of my life is gonna change if I invite someone in. Like I'm lonely and I want to hang out with someone and yeah, I want a relationship, but but there's no action behind them really wanting a relationship. Like there's a lot of people saying they want a relationship but they're not really doing the work to want a relationship. And now in coaching, as there's so many things coming out that people are like Well, now I also need them to be self-aware and I need them to have social skills, I need them to have emotional intelligence things we didn't think about 10 years ago 15, it was like Am I attracted to them? Like what, what do they do? And like all these superficial other things that we were more focused on. We're now like oh, yeah, okay, based on these other relationships, I can't go through this again. So I need someone mature, I need that, I need that and it's like, but it's hard to find them.
Witlee Ethan:And I feel like on the dating sites you kind of get just just get stuck swiping and then talking and then it goes nowhere and You're really not getting some. But with the matchmaking it's like okay, like here's the dates I've connected you to. This is when you're dated, like Go on your date, let us know what happens. Like you're kind of Helping to push them into, like out of their comfort zone, but actually helping them to get out there, whereas maybe if they had been on dating site, they would just still be swiping or just you know Endless, endlessly just texting or messaging while sitting on the couch, do nothing, but really there's no Like motivation to do more, and so it's been really hard with trying to.
Witlee Ethan:I would say, hope the clients who are so frustrated because there's this other element of the other people who you're not talking to and it's like, okay, let's work on you and get you prepared to be exactly who you can be, the best version of yourself, is why I work on my clients with and then everything else will fall in place. And God's timing, because I I can't, you know, speak to all. Again, my clients are females to what's going on at the men, just like for my male clients. I can't speak to their issues with what's going on the females. I think it's just a thing of our society and where it's at. I think people are kind of like I'm done, like I don't wanna try, right, and I mean.
Renee Richel:I always say all day long when you're dating in your singleness, right, so you're dating like alone and all you have is your own mind and your own resources of friends. But at the end of the day I can't tell you and maybe this is like too much, but there are times clients will put them in like adult time out chair, Like it sounds insane, but there are moments where we have to have like these very like direct, heartfelt but conversations, because at the end of the day, when you all you have is yourself and your own resources, you're sometimes in your own psychological warfare, right, and so, like you're questioning this, you're questioning that. I mean I can't even tell you the number of married couples today that I've touched. Not, I mean, my team does as well, obviously, but I've been personally involved with those particular clients where it's like I mean they've talked themselves out of this person five times prior only, and I always say that means we're actually getting close because it's going so well.
Renee Richel:It's almost like they choke up to be like, well, there's gotta be something wrong with them, right, and not everybody's perfect, but at the end of the day I'm like part of falling when you know you're in trusted hand with somebody is also taking that leap of faith that the two of you are gonna have to compromise on a few things and this and that, but yet ultimately you guys have all the tools in your toolbox that you need to be successful. So do you choose the toolboxes that's equipped in full and not rusty and stale and missing a few bolts that we typically do when we're lost or on just lust around these apps because all we have is a broken toolbox?
Witlee Ethan:right. So what would you, like you're whole saying about?
Witlee Ethan:like get out of your own way, like get unstuck, because it's so true, and I think it then comes down to fear. I think when they especially those that are older 40s, 50s I think there's a lot of wounds they might not have healed and I think it's the fear of this can't happen again. I don't want this to happen again, and I think that's when they start to retreat. And so, as a coach, I've been having to. Okay, so let's go back to where this might have started and see if we need to like, uncover some things and rip up those roots, because if not, you're gonna still be taking this into your next relationship and it's going to hinder that relationship, because we are all relational beings. I mean, that's how God create us to be, to be in fellowship, to be in relationship. We're not supposed to be alone Because of how hurt we've been when we put up all these layers and these walls.
Witlee Ethan:And then the first moment that these walls could possibly be penetrated or hurt or anyway, we're just like, okay, that's it, I'm stepping back, and then we what's wrong with them? So here's this, and I really didn't like this about them and I also had this issue and we literally talked, like you said, talk yourself out of it trying to justify why it won't work, rather than being like okay, this is why I'm feeling, this is why I'm feeling it, it's because of this previous relationship and they're not them, and so I can't compare and you need to just fight through and walk through it, right, the only way you're gonna heal. I mean, you have to go through and process the emotions and go through it and you can actually use it as a moment to get closer to your partner, because if you can be authentic and have a conversation which is so important communication and say here's what's happening, I'm feeling this and I think it's because of why I went through in the past. I don't know how to navigate this. Can you help me?
Renee Richel:Right.
Witlee Ethan:That will.
Renee Richel:They will guy or girl will be like wow, they're being so vulnerable, they're being so authentic, they're like Well, and they're also being relationshipally mature, because at the end of the day, I always tell everybody when relationships fail it's because they have never self-diagnosed themselves first to actually know how to communicate all different highs, lows, emotions, feelings and everything that God has beautifully designed us to have.
Renee Richel:But again, like you said which I love that you say it too is I'm always like we're all in our own way if we have any relationship that fails, because what it goes back to and I'm not trying to be harsh, but it goes back to your own self, right.
Renee Richel:So if you've never self-diagnosed or tried to figure out how to be your best version of yourself, because something's not working and you're like, oh, and then you just get into that next relationship, even if you have the luck of getting into another relationship, the likelihood of it then struggling down the road because you never had that self-diagnosis time to really do something differently this time and to also be a really mature relationship communicator in your relationship, it will fail. And if you choose a partner I hate to say it, but that doesn't care or would never do that, or doesn't start growing with you, all you're left with to do is pray for them, right, which is so valuable and so important. But if you're single out there today and you have the opportunity this is the best opportunity of your life to really really do the work so that when you do meet this person, you're going to have a better relationship than the people that you probably admire, because you're going to have something that much deeper than they probably ever had or will maybe.
Witlee Ethan:And I think so much emphasis a lot of times is put on intimacy being physical or sexual, but there is this emotional aspect to it that you need, because the physical and sexual isn't always going to happen I mean, it's not a 24-hour everyday, 365 days of the year but the emotional aspect is a consistent and so if you can be authentic and vulnerable with your partner and let them know, you will not only bond and have that intimacy, but that will make every other intimacy so much better.
Witlee Ethan:And there's a book by the D'Lorenzo's, the Six Pillars of Intimacy, and it talks about all the different intimacies financial, just experimental, or whatever, emotional, mental, all these different kinds, but how each one has a place and is important. You need to be able to kind of bring out your child side and be playful and flirty and have fun and like, be spontaneous and go and do fun things, because, like, you'll bond. It's all about bonding and so you have to get over the. I don't want to communicate, I don't want to let go. Oh my God, I don't want to show my feelings. You're not going to be able to have a successful relationship if you can't do that Right. You have to get past that.
Renee Richel:That's so true, and so you know, obviously I always hate when we have to like end these calls because I know we can go on forever and ever and ever. So we're definitely going to have to have you back on. But if you are somebody since this topic is about dating fatigue if you are exhausted of being alone, which you've probably gone to the opposite or it's like forget it, I'm not dating, which is just an extreme right Because you know that you're not going to like that's. You're just telling yourself that psychologically, so you're like not thinking about it, but ultimately you want it. My two, three suggestions for you One fill out a profile as a candidate.
Renee Richel:We want to know you exist on our website.
Witlee Ethan:Send to all of your friends, anybody and everybody that you know that is truly wanting and serious and ready for a relationship.
Renee Richel:We need to know they exist. Fill out a profile. There's nothing but like it's confidential, it's complimentary, like there's nothing to lose from filling out a short questionnaire. Be become a client and we would love to talk to you, explain to you what we do, create a roadmap of how we would find this person, show you even some really great confidential people that we probably already have that are possibly already dying to meet you. We're ready to have a client that's ready to meet you that we don't know you exist. So set up a consultation, set up a call and we will talk to you, obviously because we want to hear everybody's story and whatnot and B, if you are in this state of mind where I'm talking about being your best version of yourself, whether it be coming to us.
Renee Richel:We've got relationship coaching. We always love working with Whitley as well, sending her out amazing leads that we're like we need them to be totally ready by the time we work with them. So, please, we try to pair our coaches with people that have gone through similar stories. Whitley has so many incredible tools in her toolbox. I say that God has sharpened over the years so that she can not only live out her purpose but also be something that inspires you to get through the hurdles that life unfortunately throws you for whatever the better is that God has planned for you, and the minute that we take off that bandage and we actually heal whatever those wounds are or whatever those scenarios, and we look at it for the good they were that much closer to our destination of wherever it is. God is leading us towards to have this forever love.
Renee Richel:So, with that said, we hope that you had found this beneficial and helpful and don't get stuck into the online dating world. If you don't, obviously, if you haven't already, please come to us or whatever, and ask any additional questions you have. So we are going to love and leave you, and thank you so much, Witlee, for joining us and always being an inspiration to so many people. We spent another great talk on this episode of 1 True Talks by Renee Richel. I look forward to our next chat. Please write in your questions and comments so I can be sure to talk about whatever it is you want to discuss in our next upcoming episode. Thanks a lot.