Romans 8:28 (NIV) And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
Have you ever felt a pang of frustration when a well-meaning friend assures you that love will come when you least expect it? Connie and I, Renee Richel, understand that sentiment all too well. That's why we've dedicated an entire conversation to the trials and tribulations of being a single Christian in a modern world that sometimes feels like it's spinning too fast. Join us as we navigate the often unclear waters of maintaining hope while grappling with the occasional anger at God for the seeming delay in finding that special someone. We uncover ways to channel negative emotions constructively and shine a light on the importance of self-exploration to ensure our expectations align with our true selves.
As we continue our candid discussion, we delve into the sensitive territory of past mistakes and the longing for a love that complements our faith. Connie and I explore the idea that while God fills our spiritual cup, it's perfectly natural to seek a human connection that brings joy and companionship. We offer insights into becoming the best version of yourself, not only for the benefit of a future relationship but also as a testament to living a fulfilled, faith-led life. The episode wraps with thoughtful consideration on the delicate dance between actively searching for love and trusting in God's timing, and how modern tools like matchmaking and online dating can be navigated with a heart full of faith. Whether you're content in your singlehood or on the lookout for love, this episode promises to support and guide you through it all.
Romans 8:28 (NIV) And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
Have you ever felt a pang of frustration when a well-meaning friend assures you that love will come when you least expect it? Connie and I, Renee Richel, understand that sentiment all too well. That's why we've dedicated an entire conversation to the trials and tribulations of being a single Christian in a modern world that sometimes feels like it's spinning too fast. Join us as we navigate the often unclear waters of maintaining hope while grappling with the occasional anger at God for the seeming delay in finding that special someone. We uncover ways to channel negative emotions constructively and shine a light on the importance of self-exploration to ensure our expectations align with our true selves.
As we continue our candid discussion, we delve into the sensitive territory of past mistakes and the longing for a love that complements our faith. Connie and I explore the idea that while God fills our spiritual cup, it's perfectly natural to seek a human connection that brings joy and companionship. We offer insights into becoming the best version of yourself, not only for the benefit of a future relationship but also as a testament to living a fulfilled, faith-led life. The episode wraps with thoughtful consideration on the delicate dance between actively searching for love and trusting in God's timing, and how modern tools like matchmaking and online dating can be navigated with a heart full of faith. Whether you're content in your singlehood or on the lookout for love, this episode promises to support and guide you through it all.
Hi, I'm Renee Richel, the founder and president of 1 True Match. I'm here to help you find and cultivate the love of your life. For over a decade, I've dedicated my life to the importance, purpose and dynamic of human relationships. My team and I are disciplined by faith, love and integrity to help our clients find the quality relationship they've always dreamt of. Each week, I will be sharing the tools and tips I've learned that have rooted my success as a matchmaker with other leaders around the world. Hello, Loves, Welcome back for part two of this series that we have been chatting about. Now that Connie's back, we're so excited and we're going to dive right into it because I know last time I felt like we were going on and on, which is great because everybody wants to hear our answers for some of the most common questions that our singles out there are asking in today's crazy dating world.
Connie Sandberg:
Yep, and if you're listening to this this week and haven't listened to last week, it's in no sequel order.
Renee Richel:
Actually, I kind of feel like it is the first one's the most important, but you can listen to it in any order. You can listen to it in any order Doesn't matter. All the tips are very important. Just in case you're listening to this one.
Connie Sandberg:
First, though, make sure you do go to last week, because they all combine into one.
Renee Richel:
Yes, that is so true. Okay, so let's dive right in. So number five, no number four we ended on number three. So number four is questioning anger with God that he hasn't found you a spouse yet.
Connie Sandberg:
Well, this one is tricky, but we also pretty much every single that comes to us will say this. They'll say I am angry, I'm losing hope, I'm losing faith and I hate to say it, but that's the problem, right there, you know, like if you're losing that faith and that hope and you have a lot of anger there, it's no one else you should be, you know, pushing that out on and need to sit back with yourself and we'll say over and over do things that you need to do to get that anger out. I don't know. Go on a run, I don't know. If you have that anger, go, if that's. You know anger is just a feeling, so get it out. Go to a box size? I don't know, Go to a box size yeah diffuse it.
Connie Sandberg:
Do something I don't know, whatever you may do but then also bring it back to yourself, because it's all in God's time in and you being angry is not going to help anything whatsoever. So get it off your chest, get it out the way and then also circle back to yourself. Go to church, go to whatever it may be for you. If you know right, then you're feeling too angry to go to church. I don't know, whatever it may be, but it's bring it back to the center, bring it back to God. Do what makes you feel good, whether it's worship on your own, ask friends to pray for you, whatever it may be, but you need to get their own anger out. That's why.
Renee Richel:
That's why they always love. County is very direct answers to things, and so I agree with what you are saying and I let Renee say it kindly and another perspective from the same scenario, because we do get this often. I wouldn't say every client or every match or whatever, but we definitely get this, quite like singles come to us Right.
Renee Richel:
When it's like you know they're, they're just in the truth is the word angry, I feel, is a little harsh, but you know they're frustrated maybe or whatever, but I know the world.
Renee Richel:
When we looked at these questions, what people are asking angry was the most common at the asked question, and the truth of it is is, you know, god designed us to have this inner peace, love, right and so, which it says in Psalms 51, 6, and it's so important that we're pulling into our inner self.
Renee Richel:
When we're angry because I can't express this enough when we're upset and we're treating others anger or we're like just getting down to our darkest place, it's because I say it's like Satan coming in, right, it's just, it's going to drive us down a downward spiral. And so I always say don't be angry that God hasn't found you the right person and if you haven't listened to our podcast before, we talked all about your identity because the only reason that person hasn't come in it may be because you're nitpicking people too much. Right, your expectations are higher than what your deliverables are out there. That you're putting out as well, right, and so part of the anger really isn't at God, but maybe you don't have anybody else to point it to. Is it really? I don't. I'm not about pointing fingers, but you're angry with yourself, yeah? And so Connie was saying it.
Renee Richel:
Look at Rene, he's direct Also right, I am being direct in that point of it, but no one can control yourself other than you. And the only time that somebody is angry I always say, like I mean for me. I'm like, if I can't figure something out, I'm like get out a piece of paper or get a pen like write it down, like try to now put this into a timeline so that you have goals to achieve to get yourself out of whatever it is the position or place or mindset which truly is in.
Connie Sandberg:
And that's the thing you've got to do, what you have to do. So, however it may be, or feel or do to get those anger and that feeling out is get rid of it, like God's on his mission figuring out your path. You never know your future husband, wife, so it might be the other side of the world, might not be here in your present moment, might not be in the same job at this present time. There's a lot of moving paths that have to happen for you to cross paths with that person.
Renee Richel:
So, instead of focusing on that plan, focus on your plan Right and so many times when people rush the process of getting married. I mean, the divorce rate is 64% now.
Connie Sandberg:
I didn't even know it went up to 64. Yeah, I thought it was like 61.
Renee Richel:
I think COVID had some portion to do with that and the percentages I really had to always know.
Renee Richel:
I mean, it just keeps rising Right like people got to spend more time with their mates to realize how much they can't stand each other right, which is a terror. That is not the reason you should get divorced by any way, shape and form. But if it wasn't a godly driven relationship from the beginning, it will slowly start to fall apart. And if you're in those relationships which of course that's not what we're talking to singles but if you know of anybody it's important that they do find their face so hopefully they can rekindle something if it's going in the spiral. But where I'm trying to say is when people say you know, I'm so mad that I haven't found that person yet. I'm 38 years old, I'm 45, and there was that biological clock and there's all these pressures and everything else.
Renee Richel:
We work with couples that truly they were not god driven relationships, that have gotten divorced, they're in their late 50s, 60s or 70s and they're finally meeting the love of their life.
Renee Richel:
So I'm not sitting here saying that like it's something that just like it's gonna happen at a certain timeframe, right. Obviously, when we work with our clients, it does expedite the process because we are reaching out to thousands of God's people, right, and we're interviewing them and everything else. But at the end of the day, my point that I'm trying to make is the truth of it is is you can't be angry at God for something that is His perfect timing, if you truly believe in God and the right person will come and when your story is revealed. There's nothing better when you have a timeline that actually shares all the years of missed time together, either A with somebody or B in general, to get to that journey, because there were so many more things that God wanted you to learn, that he wanted to put in your life and people that he wanted to be a part of that journey, for all the better things he has planned.
Connie Sandberg:
Yeah, and also it's like okay. So say in your career, you're like, oh, my goodness, thank God that all this stuff's going on, it's so good. But then just in your love life you can be angry like no, no, no, you thank Him for all he does and that's it. And don't throw your toys out of the pram. I Stroller American.
Renee Richel:
Stroller Pram. As I said, I was like we're not talking in American here.
Connie Sandberg:
Don't throw your toys out of the Stroller Pram if you're in the UK, because what's it going to get you? Absolutely nothing. So you can't thank God in some areas of your life and then be angry and him in others, Like, stop throwing tantrums and really focus back on yourself and focus on those feelings and get them out of the way.
Renee Richel:
Because, like I always say, god truly knows the ones that are ready and those are the ones that have been. And it sounds harsh, as Connie was even just saying.
Renee Richel:
But it's not that you so like you know, it's not that you're doing anything necessarily wrong, but if you're using the word anger, that needs to be checked right. And then also, what are things that you can continue to do to prepare so you're truly ready for a relationship? Please listen to some of our other podcasts, because we have a ton of ideas of how to prepare and enrich yourself to be truly ready to when you do meet that person.
Connie Sandberg:
It's very clear to get that energy from the anger and put it into getting ready for the person. Like just switch it all around, I Amen.
Renee Richel:
Amen. Question number five out of our many questions that we have that are the number one questions singles are asking is questioning is there something wrong with me or am I not married because of past mistakes?
Connie Sandberg:
Well, I mean, it could be, it really could be that there's a bit of both here. Right, there could be things in your past that are still not safe, for example, wounds. Right, those wounds could still be open. They could be maybe more open than you even care to think they are. So many people come to us and don't realize oh, like we'll, literally we'll. Clients will come to us and say I'm ready to have a matchmaker today, and we'll do a deep dive and we'll say, actually, let's do some work before we can take you on as a client.
Connie Sandberg:
We have to do it more often than not, sometimes, and we'll go back and even like a year later therapy, so many things, but you'll forget, you won't realize how much wounds are still open. So that could really be affecting why you haven't met that person. And I know that's probably if you're listening to this heard the question. That's not the answer you wanted to hear necessarily. I feel like I've come on to this episode feeling by Stephen.
Connie Sandberg:
I know some tough love over here, not in the kindest way, but there is wounds that could still be open. So it's in both ways. It could be your past mistakes or it could just be your past. It doesn't have to be mistakes that you've done, but you could come over those. So it could be both right and then it could just be it's not your time yet.
Renee Richel:
Right and to add on to what Connie is saying, is the truth is, if you're asking this question, is something wrong with me or is it because of my past mistakes? Is why God is not blessing me with a marriage or the right person yet? First of all, I applaud you instead of slapping you, as Connie would do? No, just kidding. I applaud you for asking that question because the fact that you're no. I'm all about honesty which I love.
Renee Richel:
The fact that you're asking that question goes to show that you don't want to mess this up again.
Connie Sandberg:
Come yourself aware.
Renee Richel:
Right. None of us are perfect, right. And so our clients that come to us and say I want co-chain, I want to do this right. I'm not sure if I'm ready to sign up for matchmaking, because if I sign up for matchmaking and I keep going down the same path, that's the definition of insanity, right? So, like they want a different outcome, when they come to us, they say it's not working From what I've done. I don't know what to do. What do I do?
Renee Richel:
Those are my favorite clients and we often say, like you know, I have a course called Love Starts With you, with God right, like, if you are not your best version of yourself to do all the steps we talked about in the other questions, then you're going to continuously keep going down the same path. So it's not that you're not marriage quality or marriage like desired, it's truly just because you're not equipped with the right tools in your toolbox to attract the marriage-minded person that you truly desire.
Connie Sandberg:
Yeah, and I'll go on and on and on and on about this. None of us are perfect. We all know that, right? And if you listen to this and you think that that's the case, well, you know, none of us are perfect, right? So, going into this and be able to put your hands out and say, hey, I really need to invest in this, or there are still wounds that are still open or there are mistakes, you know, all your mistakes are forgiven and that's okay. It's just come in past that, past that, and making sure that you're addressing them the right way. And so I think that's the biggest thing, that is the biggest hurdle is being able to be self-aware and address it yourself and then address it in your day, in world too, instead of going it on and blaming other people too.
Renee Richel:
I totally agree. I totally agree, okay. And then question number six, because we have so many to cover, is questioning if God is all I need, why do I still yearn for more? Like a relationship, obviously, which I think is a great question. That one's a tough one Because the reality of it is, especially during your single hood phase.
Renee Richel:
You are, you know, supposed to put all of your like focus on the Lord and focus on the things that he's provided for you to be passionate about. It's also a period of you know if, if you haven't met that person yet either, you're not doing all the things you can to for people to know that you are single, right? Not that I'm saying you're going to put a billboard out there, and you know, especially at churches, a lot of places they don't want to, they don't have too many singles things because nobody wants to label themselves as that. So you think, okay, well, renee, great, great idea. But where do I go? Right? And I always say, if you haven't filled out a profile, we want to know you exist, if you, if we haven't talked to us, is just even just consulting side of, not just our matchmaking side of things too.
Connie Sandberg:
Yes.
Renee Richel:
To seek guidance when it comes to, I mean, we can't say this enough but enriching yourself to be your best version of who you are. But the reason we yearn also for more, even though God is the one that fills our heart with daily love, so that we're never alone, which is one of the other things we talked about is because God gives God's all around us. Right, he gives us love every day, in our breath and everything that we do. But he also wants us to have a human love, right and so, which is a physical, you know connection, a romantic connection, to be fruitful, right, like it says that in the Bible too. And so that is why you yearn for a relationship, because two people together, kind of like going back to the well. Adam and Eve obviously didn't turn out so well, but we're going together, right, the goal was to be fruitful and obviously multiply, and then all of the details that unfolded from that. The reality of it is is God doesn't want us to be alone on Earth.
Connie Sandberg:
Yeah, and there's always that time in life right, where we look for more. That's what we're told. Like you said, it's God first, then our spouse and then children, like there's always more. So when you feel that it's because that is coming right, especially when you're single, yes, your focus is on God and you love yourself and we tell you over and over and over again that you have to. You know, put you first 100%. But once you've got all those lined up, then comes, you know, husband, spouse, whatever husband, wife, spouse. That's what I was going to say. It's so easy for me to say husband on here, but you know men listening to this, you know what I mean.
Connie Sandberg:
But then comes children. So, like it's just this order that I feel like a lot of the time, everyone will always want more. Just like anything in life, we tend to thrive and have motivation to search for more. Whether it's career, whether it's your single, whether you're married, there's always the next step. So I think, instead of thinking so much about the bigger picture of this, it's more like continue staying true to God, true to yourself, and the next is coming.
Renee Richel:
Right, amen, which is so true. And one of the scriptures we always love to share is the Romans 828. And it's just so important that you are just embraced with God's love so he can work through so many things in that regards. And yes, don't give up on love is what we're kind of also saying in many ways and it comes, it just comes from different seasons.
Renee Richel:
It does it totally does and just surrounding yourself around the right people. I can't express enough because so many times, especially as a Christian, we always want to help people, help people, help people right, because that is what we're called to do, right. But then what happens is we start surrounding ourselves around a ton of people that might not be strong believers and then it kind of just leads us off of our purpose driven life that God has really designed us to be. So it is also important, if you're asking a lot of these questions, think about your social circle. Think about, like, who do you lean on when you need somebody to connect with or talk to? Or maybe you need a relationship within a church or something like that, or whatever?
Connie Sandberg:
And also how big your circle is. If it's too big, sometimes you can't. You know you need to narrow it down. And who are those most important people as well. It's so easy to have lots of kind of this like a saying you know you can have all the friends in the world, but you know you always need your core, you need your team which is close to you. So in those times when you kind of get a you know lead astray or you know your mind wonders, think of those people that are really close in your circle as well.
Renee Richel:
Yeah, I totally agree and I am going to ask there. We have like a couple more questions to ask and I'm going to try to throw it into this, but at least one more question and then we'll go into a few more. But is the question is how active should I be in the process of finding a spouse, or should I leave it all up to God? Well, I get asked this question all the time.
Connie Sandberg:
Yeah, this one is. I mean, it's a huge question and as much as we'll say you know, work on yourself, work on yourself, enjoy single nurse. You know, enjoy the time alone. But then if you're not being proactive, what are you doing? You know, Like, yes, God is going to set up. You know, have these people, that person who is meant for you, but you have to be out there also trying to reach it. You can't sit there and expect everything to fall on your lap because if you're at home every day, it's just future spouse just going to walk into the front door. No, it's not, no they are not Right.
Renee Richel:
They're not going to drop from the sea lane if we're not doing something.
Connie Sandberg:
Yes, God does miracles, but guess what? He's not going to fly him into your home, or them into your home and be like ta-da.
Renee Richel:
Right and I you know a lot of our clients will ask that question on a regular basis because they're also like struggling, like yes, there's an expense to this and am I putting the money towards the right thing when I could help charity or I could do other thing? That is God's field driven. But, just like we answered that question before earlier, is that God does not want you to be alone. And if you are wise in leaning in prayerful time with God and he says this is the avenue I want you to take, because we tell all clients to pray about this because equally we do the same thing Is this a client? We feel confident in representing them, that we can get them to not the finish line but the start line, we say in a relationship where we stay with them. And if they desire that connection and that growth and that plan of true immersing into a marriage and working on a relationship, then we are the pathway for them to walk through with God to have this enriching marriage and relationship 100%.
Connie Sandberg:
When a client even says I want to sign up tomorrow, I'm ready today. Well, good luck, because we've got a whole lot of work and you really need to pray about it too.
Connie Sandberg:
And that's how it works with the matchmaking, and even just like when people are online dating, that's not my favorite thing. Do I hear many success stories? No, but do I still say, go you for at least trying to get yourself out there? Yes, is it not the avenue that maybe is working for you? Okay, but at least you're taking one step out, or like it's little steps. We have people that will go out and go work from a coffee shop instead of working remotely, and it's getting yourself out there.
Connie Sandberg:
And you still need to get yourself into this environment of you know, even if it's how you represent yourself, we'll talk about this all the time. You know, represent yourself as like I would be, hopefully, I would be feel confident in myself if I met my future husband today. You know, going out for coffee or something, or taking your children on a school run, like whatever it may be. You have to be constantly aware, I feel, of what you're doing and putting yourself out there too, because it doesn't just fall on your lap. And then, if matchmaking is the route you're going to go, we always say pray, pray, pray about it. And you know, of course, consult with, consult with us, call up, have a conversation, but it doesn't happen overnight Like that's. The most important part is that you have God on your side, but you'll also be proactive in your decision making.
Renee Richel:
It's so true. And how many times do we reach out to? You know we reach out to so many different groups of Christians and things like that. Like be involved as much as we say, like stay offline, right, because it can also suck the life out of you and like make you feel you're less of a person because you're not keeping up with the Joneses of this way and that way and whatnot. But there is good, obviously, and so being a part of groups is really, really important.
Renee Richel:
And you know one thing in our company that's so important for us not only for our now married couples obviously are dating, single and engaged right All phases is we have like a prayer warrior group, which is so important to like get involved in, right, If you are single and you're like, oh, I want to do something new, like send us a message, figure out how to like you know contact us and we'll help you get into our prayer warrior group. Or and we always need more love angels, which are like recruiters out there spreading their wings and helping be a part of matching individuals, and you know, then they get to see firsthand who other people are out there and, you know, get a little royalty when it turns into a great match and there's another way to be involved in the single side of things and a great Christian community to be able to put yourself out there.
Connie Sandberg:
So God motivation to his work right as well.
Renee Richel:
So I think that was a really, really great, great question. I we are going to finish this off for this little segment and so that you guys can take notes, reflect, and then the following Thursday we are going to tie this up, wrap it in a bow. We love the questions that, of course, you do ask and we can't wait to continue to answer them. I think this has been a really good segment on just the single side of things, because clearly that's what we work with as well, on the side of finding people to love other life, and we hope you have found this beneficial. So tune in one more time next Thursday and we will finish up these most desired questions that people are asking today, or singles are asking that I think are really great.
Connie Sandberg:
So if you have a burning question in the meantime, also reach out to us on social media or email or any of those things, because we want to hear it.
Renee Richel:
We're going to love and leave you and hope you have a blessed day. Bye, it's been another great talk on this episode of One True Talks by Renee Richel. I look forward to our next chat. Please write in your questions and comments so I can be sure to talk about whatever it is you want to discuss in our next upcoming episode. Lots of love, God bless XOXO.