Unlock the secret to being happily single while keeping the door open for true love to find its way to your heart. Join Connie and me as we wrap up our three-part journey into the world of Christian dating, where we confront the dilemma of whether contentment in singlehood equals giving up on the dream of marriage. We're untangling this misconception and affirming that finding peace in your own company is not only a sign of strength but also boosts your desirability. By living a life brimming with personal passions and adventures, you become the most attractive and ready version of yourself for when love comes calling. This episode equips you to embrace your single life to the fullest, illustrating how partnership should stem from desire, not necessity.
Prepare to step into the realm of self-discovery and clarity as we navigate the terrain of preparing your heart and mind for a future lifelong companion. With Connie's heartfelt insights, we explore the significance of outlining your non-negotiables and core values to secure a foundation for a joyous and enduring union. We urge you to consider what truly matters in a spouse beyond the surface, from the everyday practicalities to the shared dreams that will shape your life together. This final episode is a lighthouse guiding you towards a deeper understanding of yourself and the qualities to seek in a partner, all designed to enrich your journey towards a loving, fulfilling marriage.
Unlock the secret to being happily single while keeping the door open for true love to find its way to your heart. Join Connie and me as we wrap up our three-part journey into the world of Christian dating, where we confront the dilemma of whether contentment in singlehood equals giving up on the dream of marriage. We're untangling this misconception and affirming that finding peace in your own company is not only a sign of strength but also boosts your desirability. By living a life brimming with personal passions and adventures, you become the most attractive and ready version of yourself for when love comes calling. This episode equips you to embrace your single life to the fullest, illustrating how partnership should stem from desire, not necessity.
Prepare to step into the realm of self-discovery and clarity as we navigate the terrain of preparing your heart and mind for a future lifelong companion. With Connie's heartfelt insights, we explore the significance of outlining your non-negotiables and core values to secure a foundation for a joyous and enduring union. We urge you to consider what truly matters in a spouse beyond the surface, from the everyday practicalities to the shared dreams that will shape your life together. This final episode is a lighthouse guiding you towards a deeper understanding of yourself and the qualities to seek in a partner, all designed to enrich your journey towards a loving, fulfilling marriage.
Hi, I'm Renee Richel, the founder and president of 1 True Match. I'm here to help you find and cultivate the love of your life. For over a decade, I've dedicated my life to the importance, purpose and dynamic of human relationships. My team and I are disciplined by faith, love and integrity to help our clients find the quality relationship they've always dreamt of. Each week, I will be sharing the tools and tips I've learned that have rooted my success as a matchmaker with other leaders around the world. Hello, loves, welcome back. We are so excited to complete this three-section kind of series talking about a topic that we are so excited to have Connie back on that we've been kind of holding out with all of the questions that you guys have been writing in Now that she's back from the UK to ask all the important relationship questions we're constantly getting and this is obviously continuation of the last two Thursdays, so get out your notepad.
Renee Richel:
If you haven't listened to the other prior, I encourage you to listen to those other podcasts. That's all about the popular questions that Christian Singles are asking today to navigate their way to finding true love, so we're going to dive right into it, and the reason we had to do this in so many sections is because there were such great questions. We really wanted to spend ample time answering each question individually, so let's dive right into this. We don't need to introduce Connie, or, if you don't know who Connie is, go back to any of our other podcasts together.
Connie Sandberg:
Yeah, because she'll see plenty of me, that's okay, I'm ready.
Renee Richel:
We're excited to dive right in. So question number eight, lucky number. This is questioning does being content mean I've relinquished my desire to marry?
Connie Sandberg:
I mean, everyone's views on this may be a little different, but personally and as a matchmaker, I would say absolutely not Just because you're content, that's great. We will go on. I will go on about how it's great to make your life good as a single in preparation of waiting for your person or marriage. So I do not think at all that it's. I mean, I don't think at all it changes anything. And I think that, if anything, it makes you a stronger person. It makes you an even more positive, complete person. And I'll say over and over you're complete on your own. You do not need someone else to complete you. You need to come together as a team. So I think being content on your own is such a like a powerhouse move. It is powerful, it's great. I think it makes you even more attractive that you can do it all you can do on your own. And it's not that you, when you look for a partner, it's not because you need them, it's because you want them.
Connie Sandberg:
And I think that you, being content on your own, is exactly that Like. It gives you that when you meet that person, you just want them. You fall in love with them. You're content of who you are. You've done a lot of self-worth work, I am sure of it, and you've also done a lot of work in finding on who you want as well. You're not going out there and dating anyone or making the wrong going with the wrong type, shall we say, or whatever it may be Like. I think if you're content, you're in your prime and you're ready to get out there.
Renee Richel:
It's so true, and talking to our clients on a regular basis, right, I mean, the reality of it is is so many times people will say, well, when is it going to happen? You know, it's been a couple of months, I still haven't found the up person. And blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And exactly what you just said, our clients. That it happens faster for in finding true love is because they give it all to the Lord, even though they've also given us the mission in helpers right To finding that right person. But they are, they are so content in their love for the Lord and that is why they've come to us, because they know it's a huge task to find a needle in a haystack. Yeah, Right, and that's what we do all day long.
Renee Richel:
We are looking for a needle in a haystack right, or you know, the shiny diamond that's in the rough right, and it's so important that that person, being you, being single, that you are content, and again somebody is not going to, like you just said, complete you. And so I think so many times people feel that when this person comes in my life, I'll do this or I'll do that, or I'll start this mission, or I'll do something different, or I'll do whatever. And we're like why are you waiting to work out? If you want somebody that's healthy, be healthy. If you want somebody that's like, active, be active. Right, yes, you want to do it.
Connie Sandberg:
Do it Like that's one of my least favorite. Renee knows that that was one of my least favorite things. When people say I'm going to wait for that person, yes, you're going to make memories with that other person, absolutely, if you want to travel. So many people do this to me when I'm in a viewing oh, I'm waiting to travel with someone else and I'm like no, no, no, no, go find, go do it on your own. Go do it with friends, because they'll only make you more excited about your experiences and who you are when you get to that person and you can then go show them. Show them what you've done.
Renee Richel:
Right and when you do it by yourself, you don't have a story that you did this with an ex right, which we all love to hear that story, that was like business or it was just for fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's a whole.
Connie Sandberg:
Yeah, people are like I've traveled the world with my ex. It's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, make sure it's really truly the right person when you start doing all of those things, so being content alone and being that like just just living your best life, right, and I think the flip side of this question that when we were brainstorming all these questions of which questions to put out here on the podcast and talk about is like you know.
Renee Richel:
So the question is is being content relinquishing my desire to marry? Here's the thing. There are a lot of people out there that are so content with their life and they've gotten so used to this way after so many years of like. You know, I don't want to call it scar tissue, but in some regards it is taking them away from the desire to be married because they have seen so many people around them that struggle in marriages. So then people then start to say maybe I'm better alone than I am to be in a relationship with somebody.
Renee Richel:
My answer to that question, which is kind of a spin off of this question you are, but marriage because that's the question do you want to be married? Is a lot of work but very rewarding when you find the right career. I say with the right person, because the just the endless amount of love and just unconditional, like love that you're obviously sharing. There's no better person to have by your side than what we call like God's helpmate in your life that he's designed for you to be with too. So I think it's the problem, the flip side of it all and I'm usually, I'm always not, I'm very positive, obviously, but the flip side of being content is you want to also make sure that you're having a little bit of room to add somebody into your life if you truly want to be married.
Connie Sandberg:
Yeah, if you want it, always save the room. And then also, if there's something that arises, take the chance. See what gets to know that person. So say, for example, you're like, oh, I don't know. You know, I'm really happy on my own, but this person just walks in, give it a chance. I think you'll be really pleasantly surprised with what happens. Right, you don't want to close it off just because you are content.
Renee Richel:
I always say give it a try and you never know what God's plan is Absolutely, and finding somebody else that's also content is very important. So two content people can also then blend their lives together in compatibility 100%. And so our wrap up to all of these previous questions is questioning this last question, number nine, is who do you want to share your life with? I think is super important, as, like the final question for the other eight questions we asked prior, and again, if you have no idea what we're talking about, go to the other last two, last other two Thursdays that we talked about, all these questions leading up to it. So what's your answer?
Connie Sandberg:
Yeah, so this almost reflects back to number one. Number one and number nine. So now you know your identity, now you need to look at what you truly want and I'm talking a list that is short enough that it's realistic, but long enough for core values we're not talking about. They have to be six foot five. They have to be this, they have to be that. We're talking about someone's personality, who you want to share your life with. Someone else is a spouse and that's like, after listening to all of these nine questions and hopefully three weeks at this point you've listened to us and these questions is give yourself time, give yourself some homework after this to create this list of your non-negotiables, things that need to happen. Like you know, you're loving God and you know that's that should be on everyone's right.
Connie Sandberg:
And then you're once you know you would love for them to be a family person. You know, they're just like examples. And then also things that are like fun. You know, maybe you want to share some hobbies together and as simple as this seems that I'm saying this out loud you're probably like, yeah, okay, but have you ever sat down and done it? The answer's probably no. So take this time. Once you've listened to all three weeks actually, I always say Renee always says, well, 48 hour rule, I would actually wait 48 hours to do this list or reflect back on this. Take 48 hours to reflect and then really focus. What are you looking for? And maybe it'll look a little different from the first week that you listened to this. It won't be. It'll be less materialistic, less hey, I care about the eye color, the height. You know all of this, that that of course you want to be attracted to that person. We understand that.
Renee Richel:
But hopefully this is what you have, really the core values of what you're looking for, but also to enjoy the time on your own in preparation for that person Absolutely, and I think you know when it when you talk about sharing life with somebody and we're talking about like you're talking about the needs and wants analysis we go through with everybody is. So many times people say, oh, I want a family, right when you're single and you haven't started a family yet. That's a great like big picture. But I encourage you to dissect that question even further, because just wanting a family without thinking about it sounds really crazy. But God wants to hear our specifics.
Renee Richel:
He wants us to admit, like I want a man who is heavily involved In my child's life, or I want a man that's going to provide so that I can be a stay-at-home wife, or I don't know, or I want like. I want a woman Right, I mean for both male and female listening to this like I want a woman that Continues on her career and then we have like an au pair or a nanny that comes along on our trips, because then that way we I don't know what that looks like for you, but really think whatever it looks like think about it before, right, because what happens all the time?
Renee Richel:
when you just meet somebody and you're attracted to them, what? And there's so many other things you're like thinking the lines. But then when life starts to happen and family begins, or blended families or whatever it is, we weren't really that specific, so it's kind of just like out there, yeah. But then you're realizing, wow, this is nothing that I wanted. And why is that? Because I really wasn't being specific Enough to the details of what that life would look like, that I desire.
Connie Sandberg:
Yeah, and also making sure that you're like mentally prepping for this too, like you said, when it comes to families, you're not just oh, I want three children. What does that actual look like? Like? Instead of thinking and I will spill talk singles so often I'll be like, okay, what does this person look like? And it's literally like a square right, I want a wife, I want two kids, I want to work and I want a dog Okay, great. So what dog do you want? What do you want your house to look like? What? It sounds so silly. It's all like. What do you want? Like when you want a wife, what personality do you want her to have? What characteristics do you want?
Renee Richel:
What do your lives look like? I mean down to the daily routines, even right.
Connie Sandberg:
What are you wanting to say? People are like.
Renee Richel:
What difference does that make? I'm like it makes a difference. Are you something that needs eight hours, or you're using me that needs four hours to sleep? I mean, all of those things sound absolutely crazy, but once you get through the honeymoon phase of dating- the reality hits in right, and so you know.
Renee Richel:
The question is Do you want to share your life with somebody? And if your answer is yes right. If you've written yes and not just like lowercase yes, but all capital yes right, with a lot of exclamation marks after that Then practice all the things we've said so that when you are in that place and of course we have a ton of other tips, tools and suggestions to also make sure, if you're like dating somebody right now or you're kind of wondering to be able to have that clarity because you've done all of these steps then you can and you will have a healthy, happy marriage because of all of those things you've done to prepare you, to equip you, to be in the right relationship.
Connie Sandberg:
Yeah, and I would say, after you know, really reflected, make that list. If you have any questions, ask us, because some people don't realize. It's just not surface level. When you're out there dating, you have to do the digging first, and then you do the digging not only for yourself, then what you want, your future wife and then your future family, and then you know this creation that's about to come in your life. So you've got a really deep. You know much digger than much You've got to dig much deeper than you think that you should be and hopefully that these questions really make you feel that way and make you realize that if you do that work and you realize that you'll quickly, you know, be surprised at how these people come into your life and also how you view dating differently.
Renee Richel:
Right, amen. And I also say all day long the biggest investment you'll ever make in your life should be your love life, because everything good that comes from our love in God right, because it's supposed to be God, and then your mate, and then your family and everybody else. The next investment in your life, if you're not feeling fulfilled or content, should be yourself and your future mate.
Renee Richel:
And then everything from there which is your career and your purpose and your family. Everything will be the fruits of that labor, because you've invested in your love life right. Without love, we're lonely. Without the right relationship, we're broken, and so it's so, so, very important that you know all these questions that we're saying you're asking obviously yourself, and, gosh, we would love love to meet with you if you've never spoken to a matchmaker or contacted our office before to help walk you through that journey. Yes, so anyways, we hope you have found this very helpful and beneficial and to please tune in to our other podcasts that we have prior Go do your homework.
Renee Richel:
Go do your homework, continue to write in questions. We love answering these questions, especially for our singles out there trying to just navigate, finding the right person. We also, obviously, work with our dating, engaged and married couples today. Now we are with them through the journey, the lifelong journey of unconditional love, just being their biggest cheerleader, supporting them, because we understand relationships are not easy, and so we want to be here as your resource, your tool, your guide, your cheerleader all the things that we do do when it comes to love and relationships. And we need the world to not only help you but also help others to spread the love. So there's many ways to get involved in a community and be active as a world so we can continue to spread the love to all the right people that God has designed. So we are going to love and leave you and hope you have a blessed week in tune in next Thursday for more great topics and conversations we'll share.
Connie Sandberg:
It's love and leave you Bye.
Renee Richel:
It's been another great talk on this episode of 1 True Talks by Renee Richel. I look forward to our next chat. Please write in your questions and comments so I can be sure to talk about whatever it is you want to discuss in our next upcoming episode. Lots of love, God bless. Xoxo.