The Sullivanians:Through a Blue Window ((c) 2019 shelley feinerman's Podcast
CULT! This podcast chronicles the rise and fall of the Sullivanian Institute and its members. The psycho-sexual therapy] and institute existed on Manhattan's Upper West Side from the 1970s through the 1990s. Directed to abandon family and friends, as we all were, after five years my life was inextricably altered. The podcast begins with my childhood, then goes on to my time in the Sullivanians, and 20 years later, its self-destruction when it was characterized as a cult. It is entitled Through a Blue Window: The Sullivanians and is dedicated to mother, Ruth.
The Sullivanians:Through a Blue Window ((c) 2019 shelley feinerman's Podcast
Inside a Sullivanian Summer House - Annie and Shattered Trust
This latest episode continues to expose the machinations of the Sullivanian Cult
On a serene Labor Day morning, the summer house ignites into a tinderbox of drama and emotion after Sandra's inexplicable emotional breakdown behind the wheel of the summerhouse car. Annie, who is without empathy believes Sandra should be punished.
A month later, when Stan takes a stand against Cora's relationship with Ollie she is stunned by his ultimatum: invite Ollie to a group party or he would be forced to stop therapy. She complies but is left feeling vulnerable. Then at the party, after Ollie meets Bernadette Luden, Sandra's date, he abandons Cora. The following morning she is left to confront the feeling of neglect hanging heavy in the air.
Ollie's unexplained behavior, missing Maria, Cora's lost friendship with Annie, and Stan's betrayal. Listen to this episode and learn more about these events and how they combined and contributed to leading Cora away from the Sullivanians. And catch up on the other episodes you might have missed.
Thank you for your interest and support.
The complete documentary Through a BlueWindow can be seen on my youtube channel shellfein1. I would love to hear your thoughts.
Thank you
The strike at Reliable was in arbitration before the National Relations Labor Board and the picket line had come down. Pressured by Stan, and with Labor Day nearing, I'd arranged to spend the weekend at the summer house with the hope of reconnecting with my apartment and salvaging my deteriorating friendship with Annie. I was going to take the red-eye in the morning, so Ollie and I still had Friday night together. It was so hot and humid and without an air conditioner, I opted for the coolest thing I could find, to wear a remnant from my former life a red sundress I'd last worn on my Jamaican honeymoon, with its revealing bodice and flowing skirt. The tomboy in me felt self-conscious. Ollie was dressed as usual jeans, a clean and pressed shirt rolled to the elbow and, of course, his cap. When he saw me, he let out a slow whistle and crossed himself. Jesus and Mary, he laughed. He crossed himself. Okay, that's it, I'm going to change. I feel weird. I said in response. No, don't you dare, he whispered, pulling me towards him. I was kidding, you know that you look beautiful. He kissed my neck and I could feel that he was hard. Come on, I said. Let's get high and then we'll see about food.
Speaker 1:Our uptown stash of marijuana was hidden between the folds of the heavy cloth fire hose hanging in the vestibule, I couldn't take the chance of bringing it into the apartment. Members had been expelled from the group for lesser infractions. Usually we went to the to his side, from where we sat on the marble stairs. Are you shitting me? You look magnificent. His right hand found my breast, while his left hand slipped beneath my dress, his fingers between my legs. I kissed his earlobe. I have a surprise. He stopped for an instant, eyes wide. I wasn't wearing underwear. He smiled broadly and undid his jeans. Then I climbed onto his lap and he entered me, the skirt billowing around us like a red parachute as I moved to climax in his arms. As I moved to climax in his arms.
Speaker 1:The train pulled in at 9 am and Sandra was there to meet me. I volunteered you for the food shop. I figured, since I was picking you up, we would swing over to the market and we'd do it together. I loaded my bag and French easel into the trunk of the car and was immediately pulled into the hectic summer house schedule. After shopping, there was a summer house meeting. Finally, at four in the afternoon we were free and I headed to the lake for a swim. My apartment had a dinner date that night and after several rounds of the cocktail of the summer a golden paradise vodka, orange juice and amaretto the tensions between Annie and I dissolved and when we arrived at the men's house we were drunk and ready to party. I was the first one up the following morning and the summer-house was blissfully quiet.
Speaker 1:I made a pot of coffee, then found my way to a sec summer house car. A black Chevy circa 1970, ram into the stone fence surrounding the house, its front bender hanging like a cartoon car. The only thing missing was the tongue. Suddenly, the car reversed gears and revved back with such force that when it hit the rooster mailbox it went flying before crashing to the ground, bent and misshapen. The car doors swung open and Annie tumbled out of the passenger seat rubbing her head. Joanne and three other women who'd been squeezed together in the back seat stumbled out with abject terror on their faces.
Speaker 1:When I reached the bottom of the stairs, I could see Sandra still clutching the steering wheel with white knuckle grip. No one was moving, as though someone had called red light in a game of statues. I reached around Sandra and pulled the keys from the ignition. Are you hurt? I asked no, she said, barely audible. When Sandra stepped out of the car, annie came alive, poking and shoving her with her index finger like an exposed electric wire. Get in the house, get in the goddamn house. She screamed, pushing her towards the house.
Speaker 1:I tried to get between Sandra and Annie, but Annie had locked Sandra in the bathroom and the consensus was to drive her into town and leave her there. We should wait until I reached Elaine or Stan, I pleaded, telephone in hand. I was trying to locate Sandra's therapist, elaine Polisi. I say we throw her out right now. This was coming from Annie, who continued she can call Elaine later. I want her out. Then she turned in my direction this doesn't concern you. You weren't in the car.
Speaker 1:Sandra's parataxic rage could have gotten us all killed. You don't have to worry, she's not running away. I said, ignoring Annie's comment for the moment, trying to reason with her. You've got her locked up and she's sitting on the edge of the bathtub in a catatonic state and like hell. It doesn't concern me, she's my roommate too. Annie, you're not thinking straight. She needs help not to be abandoned. Okay, so she did something dangerous, but you're all okay and she's not. Why don't you call Beverly? Why did you come up here in the first place? Anyway? Was your boyfriend busy? Annie spat, I don't need to call Beverly. I know what she'd say. We need to take Sandra into town and leave her there. With my hand over the receiver, I pleaded will you wait a minute? I found Stan. He's in the diner in town and they're bringing him to the phone, but Annie couldn't be stopped.
Speaker 1:While I was explaining the car incident to Stan, annie and the others had left the kitchen and I could see them through the window pushing Sandra into the battered Chevy. When it pulled away, annie was driving. Stan said he could see me for a session. Instead, I quickly packed my things and called for a cab. If I hurried, I would just make the next train to Manhattan.
Speaker 1:Later that week, at a house meeting in the city, sandra apologized for her behavior, explaining in pure Arletian doublespeak that she couldn't handle going against what her mother had wanted for her, which was for Sandra to be depressed and lonely. It was almost exactly what Stan had said to me, and I silently worried if the therapist used the same script. She had had a paratastic episode and directed her rage at the women in the car, using it as a weapon. Sandra was barred from the summer house for Labor Day weekend and wouldn't be allowed to drive until next summer and wouldn't be allowed to drive until next summer. Afterward, annie continued her tacit disapproval of my relationship with Ollie at every house meeting. Sandra and Joanne remained neutral, but Annie and I stopped dating.
Speaker 1:Living with her obvious content eventually affected my relationship with Ollie, who thought I should leave. Why do you stay there, he asked. It was Labor Day weekend and we were in his apartment sitting in front of a large fan that was moving hot air around. And he's right. You know you don't belong there anymore and you'd be doing yourself a big favor if you did move out. I have nowhere to go, ollie, and I've been there for a very long time and I'm scared.
Speaker 1:Your therapist talks about the biological family and how it undermines personal autonomy, but the group has supplanted the family and now you're all dependent on Lewin and his paternal-like approval family. And now you're all dependent on Lewin and his paternal-like approval. Seth is a narcissist making a power grab and your so-called friends wouldn't be there for you if you turn against Lewin's laws. Ali was right. I'd seen it happen more than once. Most recently, jessica Linsky, a woman I'd been dating for a while, was thrown out of her apartment because she called her parents without permission. She was given a day to pack and leave her apartment and was barred from therapy for a year. I didn't stop dating her and, as far as Annie was concerned, this was just another black mark against me. I missed Maria. Her furniture and plants were intermingled with mine and I couldn't help but feel her presence. Though I'd been writing her multi-page letters, I couldn't tell from her response whether she understood the shifting terrain happening in the group between Annie and I and the apartment.
Speaker 1:In October, stan suddenly switched gears and his laissez-faire attitude towards my relationship with Ollie suddenly took center stage. I was endangering the group with my exclusive relationship and I was being compliant with my mother's wish to not succeed. Annie was right on all counts, he added. And then he directed me to bring Ollie to a party and boasted this with the threat that he might have to stop seeing me if I didn't comply. Feeling scared and paranoid, believing Stan himself had been given a directive, I reluctantly followed Stan's dictate and invited Ollie to the next group party. What made you change your mind? He asked, and when I answered I thought he might have fun. He merely looked bewildered.
Speaker 1:On the night of the party, ollie and I were in the kitchen of my apartment steadily drinking ouzo from the bottle he'd brought when Sandra and her date, bernadette Ludin, arrived. After introductions were made, ollie gave an imaginary tip to his dark blue cap he always wore, indoors or out. Hey, sandra, you and Bernadette should ever try this ouzo. It's great stuff, tastes like licorice. Holly had never seen attracted to the women in my apartment, but I noticed him trying very hard to ignore Bernadette as she flipped her dark brown hair and removed her glasses, gently, placing them on the table. With that simple act, her pinch-nosed expression had been replaced with one of myopic seduction. She'd positioned herself across the table from Ollie and when she reached for the ouzo she touched his arm and smiled.
Speaker 1:The party was particularly crowded and I was immediately pulled into the huge circle of dancers by friends and former roommates who I hadn't seen in months. I reached for Ollie and over the din I yelled come on, join the circle. No, no, no, he said, find me later, and then he melted into the throng. But when the dancers had come full circle I noticed Ollie and Bernadette together off to the side. When I finally broke free, I couldn't find him anywhere and I began to drink from the barrel of horrid punch and spent the rest of the night drunk, whirled around like a rag doll the image of Bernadette and Ollie spinning by in the opposite direction. Hours later I landed outside in the cold, throwing up on the curb.
Speaker 1:When I awoke Sunday morning I was in the bathroom floor of my apartment with a pounding headache and a vague memory of last night's cab ride uptown. Ollie was gone, but he left a note on my pillow. See you. Monday night I spent the rest of the day in bed with a hangover, knowing exactly where Ollie was and why. There was no answer at his apartment when I called. He arrived at my door Monday night holding a brown paper bag tied with a red ribbon. I knew what was inside the bag without looking.
Speaker 1:Ollie had brought me my favorite candy from Russendorter's, the confectioner on Houston Street, only a block from his apartment. Did you bring me the rum balls because you slept with her? I asked after he closed the door to my room. Your age is showing. I'm in love with you. He said, as though this was the answer to my question.
Speaker 1:You do this all the time in the group and I don't like having to explain my actions. I haven't dated another man since we met. Don't you think an explanation is appropriate? There are protocols in the group that are difficult for an outsider to understand. We could have talked first. Would you have acted like that if you weren't at a group party? I think not. It was rude, and you and my friend saw you being lured away. You could have talked to me. Would that have made it any better? Ollie asked, walking to my side as I stared out the window, bernadette seemed so sad and lonely and then she invited me to dinner. I don't think she likes it here either. I didn't know what was expected of me. Treating me with respect was expected, not coming to my apartment with a bag of chocolates. You two sure got intimate in a hurry. She asked me to stay and I and you couldn't keep your cock in your pants.