Finding Balance Between Generosity and Personal Health
Feb 20, 2024
Cory Wallace
Have you ever felt the weight of the world on your shoulders, simply because you couldn't muster the courage to say "no"? This episode is a game-changer for anyone who's ever found themselves overextended by the demands of others. I unpack the transformative power of a simple "no," revealing how this tiny word can be a monumental step in protecting your mental and psychological health. By sharing personal experiences and adopting what I call a "banker's approach," I guide you through assessing requests for help with a keen eye on character, credibility, and capacity. It's a heartfelt exploration into how we can offer our assistance without tipping the scales toward personal detriment.
Understanding our limitations is not a sign of weakness, but a celebration of our humanity. We tackle the delicate act of balancing our desire to be helpful with the need to preserve our own well-being. I emphasize the importance of discerning when to lend a hand and how to gracefully decline requests that may lead us toward stress and burnout. By dissecting the distinctions between incidents and accidents, this episode arms you with the wisdom to provide support during genuine unforeseen circumstances, yet remain cautious in your aid-giving. Tune in for an empowering conversation that will inspire you to set boundaries confidently and reclaim control over your time and energy.
Have you ever felt the weight of the world on your shoulders, simply because you couldn't muster the courage to say "no"? This episode is a game-changer for anyone who's ever found themselves overextended by the demands of others. I unpack the transformative power of a simple "no," revealing how this tiny word can be a monumental step in protecting your mental and psychological health. By sharing personal experiences and adopting what I call a "banker's approach," I guide you through assessing requests for help with a keen eye on character, credibility, and capacity. It's a heartfelt exploration into how we can offer our assistance without tipping the scales toward personal detriment.
Understanding our limitations is not a sign of weakness, but a celebration of our humanity. We tackle the delicate act of balancing our desire to be helpful with the need to preserve our own well-being. I emphasize the importance of discerning when to lend a hand and how to gracefully decline requests that may lead us toward stress and burnout. By dissecting the distinctions between incidents and accidents, this episode arms you with the wisdom to provide support during genuine unforeseen circumstances, yet remain cautious in your aid-giving. Tune in for an empowering conversation that will inspire you to set boundaries confidently and reclaim control over your time and energy.
Speaker 1:
Alright, welcome back. This episode we're going to talk about the word no. No is one of the most powerful words you can utilize in your vocabulary. The reason why I firmly believe in this is no sets the boundaries for your personal well-being. That means your psychological health and your mental health. Think about it like this how many times have you said no and felt relieved Versus how many times you've said yes and felt absolutely conflicted? Think about that for a second. So here's what I'm going to tell you If you feel conflicted by saying yes, then that's the universe, that's your intuition, that's your gut telling you that's not for you to do and, yes, that's not what you need to do. So, with that being said, it's absolutely okay to say no.
Speaker 1:
I'm going to tell you my personal take on no as well. No means two things to me Not obligated. I am not and you're not obligated to take on other people's troubles and issues that you didn't create. You're not obligated to take on other people's troubles and issues head on. It's not for you to do that. The reason why I said it in that manner is because the word help is gravely misunderstood and it's abused. There's like this invisible notion in society that when the person that is asking you for a help thinks it's your obligation to help them because they're asking for it, and then, really, a lot of people or, excuse me, that particular category of people also believes you're supposed to help them, without question. So I'm here to first to tell you that couldn't be far from the truth. When you help someone out well, let me make it personal when I help someone out, I actually have a genuine feeling of happiness and fulfillment. I don't have any reservations about helping them out. I just feel good about doing it. The minute I feel conflicted, I listen to my spidey senses, I listen to my gut, I listen to the universe, I listen to my intuition. So when that happens, I take on what I call a banker's approach. It's kind of like my banker's analogy. See, when you go to the bank and you're applying for a loan, or especially when you're in person, you know, applying for a bank loan. Excuse me, you're really based off of five things, right, I'm only going to talk about three, and this relies in. This represents human interaction. This is how I approach it.
Speaker 1:
When I'm dealing with someone face to face, I look at their character, their credibility and their capacity. See, their character is pretty much not how I perceive them, but is how they present themselves to me. So I'm taking them at that value that they present to me, right? The credibility is our interactions Past, present. What have we done together? How have we interacted together? I'm basing it off that. And then, last thing, I'm basing it off their capacity.
Speaker 1:
Is this going to be a one-off if I give you help, or is this going to be a reoccurring type thing? So now I got to think about okay, how many times am I willing to help this person, or how many times am I willing to go through this with this person? Right? So that's what I call the bankers' analysis. That's my approach.
Speaker 1:
When I do it and I've been doing it for a long time now, especially, you know, being an entrepreneur, a business owner I had to find a way of giving help that does not directly impact me. And basically what I figured out is as long as I have an excess of, I can help, but I'm going to help within moderation, not within access. You understand what I just said. So I help within moderation, but not within access. So if I can help, I'm going to help them, but it's going to be within moderation. It's not going to be within access, and I'm going to take the bankers' approach. I'm going to look at your character, your credibility and your capacity. The last thing I'm going to talk about, or tell you because this is what had to have been told to me is I'm not a superhero. You're not a superhero. Now, if you do have a cake and you can fly faster than a speed and bullet, hey, have at it. I'm going to get out of your way, but for those of us that are regular humans, it's okay to have a discerning approach to lending out your help, lending out your time, lending out your finances, your money. It's okay to be very discerning with that, because that can impact you negatively, which you don't want. That that's fine.
Speaker 1:
Look, we all know incidents and accidents do happen. What incidents come up? Let's put it to you like that Accidents do happen. The difference between the two, though, are incidents are situations and circumstances that take place that you've never seen coming. You didn't see them coming, they just happened Like an uninvited guest. That's an incident like hey, you could have called, right, we'll get into that. No big deal.
Speaker 1:
Accidents, you can say the majority of the time, they have preventive measures so the accident does not happen. And when it does happen, those measures were not taken seriously. They were not done like drinking and driving using power tools naked, using I don't know a blow torch, without a face mask, stuff like that. There's preventive measures. There's checks and balances. Hey, don't do that, put it in the bank. Put it in the bank. There's checks and balances. Hey, don't do that. Put clothes on. Hey, don't try to weld some steel together and your eyes aren't covered, your face isn't covered. So the accidents happen in that capacity.
Speaker 1:
But incidents, I'm a whole-eyed, whole-heartedly believe those are things that you had no control over. And when those things come up, those situations come up, hey, I'm 10 toes down, I'm gonna help you out, especially when I have access. So, in closing, here's what I want you to remember Don't ever feel guilty for saying no. Troubles, issues, circumstances that you did not create. You're not obligated to fix them, simple as that. You're not obligated to do it.
Speaker 1:
Lastly, if you were not born with the super Kate or as super powers excuse me, if you were not born as a superhero, don't take on any more than what you can handle, because there's stress in that and you can't be of use to someone who is in need of help If you're stressed. You can't be of use to someone who is in need of help if you don't have the access. So you gotta really do a good check on that too. But for the most part, by my standard, one of the most powerful words you can use you know it says boundaries, and boundaries are good, they're healthy. No also means to me I'm not obligated, and neither are you. You're not obligated, especially if you didn't create it.
Speaker 1:
So usually when I am approached for help, I'm not gonna say I go on defense, but I'm not necessarily on office. I'm kind of just sitting in the middle. I want to see which way I need to sway, if that makes sense. And then, lastly, I know I'm not a superhero. I can do some great things and I've have done some great things, but knowing my limits, understanding my boundaries, it's priceless. I can't put a price on it A mental peace and no stress. So, with that being said, this was kind of a quick one and I think it needed to be shared because I have been asked a lot lately for help Everybody I can think of. And I wanted to share this with you guys because, more than likely. You are going through it right now. You have in the past or something's coming your way, and I wanted to share with you my personal take on the word no and how I navigate situations where I'm being asked for my help. So be well, and I'll talk to you in the next episode. I'm out.
