#043- The secret of successful dating beyond linguistic borders.

#043- In  this episode Gabi gives all the reasons why dating beyond frontiers is a great way to learn languages.

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Transcript

Welcome to the Learning Languages in Society with Gabby podcast, where it's all about the fascinating world of languages and culture. Let's rock! 

Hi everyone, my name is Gabby. I am your host and welcome back to learning languages in society with Gabby,  where we explore the fascinating ways language intersects with social issues. Today's episode is called dating beyond frontiers. And we're talking about the unique experiences in this episode that come with dating someone from a different culture.

or from a different country. So let's dive into how it impacts not just your heart, but your understanding of the whole world.  Now, have you ever wondered what it's like to date someone from a completely different cultural background and how it can transform your entire perspective on language and life? 

Well, in today's episode, we're going to uncover something fascinating, how falling in love with someone from another country not only opens your heart, but also rewires your brain to learn their language. and embrace their culture in ways you never thought possible. So trust me, by the end of this episode, you'll see things a little bit different.

You'll see dating beyond frontiers in a whole new light. So please don't miss out.  Dating someone from another country often naturally introduces you to their language. You pick up on conversational phrases, idioms, and even nuances that language courses might not teach. I'll give you a real life example.

When I was, uh, dating my Russian ex girlfriend, I found myself learning Russian phrases and expressions I would have never thought, uh,  I would have never thought of, uh, and these expressions obviously were not in the textbooks, uh, or in the grammar books at the faculty. So there are some funny expressions in Russian.

For example, uh, one expression that I learned, from her was,  which is a funny expression it means you know when you're waiting for someone and that person is really late and it's taking him such a long time or taking her such a long time to come  because you know when something's been sitting a really long time in one place it starts collecting dust right so that's kind of like the person is surprised that even though this person is late he didn't gather any dust gather or get any dust. 

Now, there are other, uh, languages, certain languages that have words which reflect cultural values. Like for example, saudade or saudade in Portuguese, which expresses deep longing, right? So the feeling of, of longing for something, for a past nostalgia and so on. So we will get to learn more deeply about that sort of thing a little later.

Now, imagine you're sitting across the table from someone you happen to have a crush on or you happen to like for some reason, but you don't quite understand half of the things they're saying. Maybe they drop a phrase in Croatian or Swedish or something, or their body language feels foreign. You're trying to piece it all together and suddenly the curiosity hits you.

So what does that mean? Well, when you date someone from a different culture, these moments are constant and they spark a journey where curiosity fuels learning. For instance, my friend Marco, he's Italian, he started dating this Ukrainian girl. He found himself using studying just to keep up with the, you know, her conversations at family dinners.

And within months, he was speaking Ukrainian better than he ever did in school. So he was motivated by the relationship, I guess, and not really by, you know, the grammar textbooks. So there you go. That's a great motivator.  Now, stay tuned because in just a moment I'll reveal a simple yet powerful way that dating someone foreign can make language learning feel like less a chore and more like an adventure.

So just a little later on that.  Now, when you date beyond frontiers, language becomes an integral part of your relationship. It's no longer about, uh, structured lessons. It's about survival. It's about. You know, rapid connection. It's about humor. It's about,  you know, keeping things active and moving forward because, you know, you kind of put, you have to, you have to put in that little extra effort in the relationship.

So you'll find yourself learning the quirks and subtleties of the language in the most authentic way possible. You discover how one phrase can carry a world of emotions that no translation app can truly really capture.  So, linguists like Noam Chomsky have long argued that the context in which we learn languages matter.

And, and,  and, and what, what better context is there than, you know, the context of a, you know, of a, of a fling or of a, of a relationship starting to happen, happen.  The ultimate motive, it's the ultimate motivator. For learning on a language acquisition thrives in emotional and personal context. So those are really important to spark people's attention, right? 

And, and push them to learn more. So you're not memorizing the vocabulary you're learning because you want to communicate with the person you care about. And so you have to take into account, uh, the context in a really serious manner. Because, I mean, for your best interest, you have to keep this thing alive somehow.

So you, I don't know if your cognitive abilities, they fire up and they start looking for ways, uh, to connect, you know, with the language and associations that make associations with the context. So as to, you know, keep moving forward. So it's, it's, it's interesting. It's cool. It's pretty good. It's like an adventure, really. 

And we know that this sort of thing. Uh, can lead to bilingualism, uh, and bilingualism offers, uh, significant cognitive and neurological benefits that lasts from childhood into old age. So research shows that individuals who speak more than one language process information more efficiently, which helps protect against cognitive decline as they age.

Notably, these advantages are not limited to those who grow up bilingual, even individuals who learn a second language later in life can experience improvements in attention and cognitive function.  So I have an episode, uh, I don't remember which one, um, may add it later on, uh, so that you can, um, you can listen to it if you're interested in this sort of thing.

The benefits of being bilingual extend beyond just cognitive enhancements. So while some bilingual individuals may face challenges, such as, uh, difficulty with naming certain words, they also enjoy improved metalinguistic awareness. This means they have a better understanding of how language works and can manipulate it more effectively.

Additionally, bilinguals often demonstrate better memory, visual and spatial skills, and creativity. These cognitive advantages are complemented by social benefits, such as the ability to connect with diverse cultures and communicate with people who speak different languages. Now, overall, the positive effects of bilingualism high Light, the importance of understanding, how speaking multiple languages influences brain function and structure.

With a majority of the world's population engaging with more than one language, it is essential to recognize how bilingualism shapes our cognitive abilities and social interactions.  There you go, but here's where it gets even more excited. I'm going to tell you why this immersive form of language learning can help you learn faster than any formal class ever could.

And what's more, it sticks, so stick with me and find out exactly how.  Dating someone from a different country often forces you to question everything you thought you knew.  But is that really a good thing? Does it make you more open minded or just confused? So stay with me because I'll explain how dating beyond borders will completely shift your worldview in ways that might surprise you. 

Let me take you on a little journey. Back to the time when I dated someone from Brazil. So, everything was new and exciting, but at the time, At the same time, I found myself constantly questioning my own assumptions. In her culture, family was everything, and while I was used to weekend getaways with friends, she would spend Sundays at her grandmother's house with 15 relatives.

So there was, uh, there were cousins, uh, brothers, half brothers, and so on. Uncles, aunts, you name it. It was frustrating at first, and I couldn't understand why she valued, you know, that family time so much, until I did. Her perspective opened up my eyes to a different, uh, way of valuing relationships. So they shared so many things in common, and they trusted each other so much, that they had so much fun together, they would go out.

Uh, they would do sports together, they would do a lot of things together. So that's, that's, that was really nice, um, to, to learn. Anyway, stick around because in just a moment I'll share how these experiences not only deepen your relationships, but also make you far more knowledgeable about the world. And I'll give you a spoiler, you may never look at your own culture the same way again. 

When you date someone from a different culture, your conversations naturally dive into their worldview, politics, social norms, and even their opinions on global issues. And here's the thing, it challenges your own perspectives. Suddenly you start asking questions you never thought to ask. Why do we do things this way in my country?

Or what are the alternatives? You know, you start comparing things there to the things here, and you start Making conclusions and saying, okay, well, this thing is better over here. And maybe that thing is better over there. You know,  I mean, there's no such place as heaven, uh, anywhere in the world. So you have to, but yet you still, you still get to compare and see what things are better in one place, or at least what things you assume are better in one place and what things you assume are better in this place or that place.

So there's this, uh, these factors in the comparisons.  This process of questioning and understanding broadens your intellectual horizons, you know, you start to see the world through a more, uh, global lens, which psychologists say is key to empathy and critical thinking. Dating across borders literally rewires your brain to think differently, so more expansively. 

In the next part of the episode, I'll share the, uh, one unexpected way that dating someone foreign can make you a better problem solver. So it's a skill that you'll want to develop whether you're single or in a relationship. So stay tuned.  Now, we're going to talk about culinary adventures. So let's talk about something that's going to make your stomach rumble, which is food.

One of the best parts of dating someone from a different culture, well, the culinary exploration that comes with it. Think of it as a love language, uh, kind of a love language on its own. And trust me, you won't want to miss out on what I have to share next. Now, let me paint you a picture. You're in a kitchen attempting to make a traditional dish from your partner's homeland.

So maybe it's a complicated, uh, paella or a spicy Thai curry that are. Too many steps and you've got no idea if you're doing it right or wrong, but then you are, you are with someone, you're laughing, you're covered in flour or splashes of sauce and you're trying to learn the recipe one ingredient at a time.

So these are the kinds of memories that last a really long time. So I still remember when I tried to make, uh, arepas with my, I had a former, uh, girlfriend from Venezuela and, and, and,  and while they do things differently over there than they do. Uh, in Colombia, so I was, uh, trying to learn, you know, their way.

So let's just say that didn't quite, uh, the arepas didn't quite come out round as they should have. So that was pretty funny. Anyway, you know, there's lots of things like that. Anyway, in a moment I'm going to tell you why cooking together can actually strengthen your bond while also giving you a taste of the world from the comfort of your kitchen.

And there's one trick that I'll make even the hardest recipe feel doable.  Cooking is one of the most, uh, intimate ways to learn about another person's culture. You know, food carries stories, they, it carries family traditions, holidays, rituals, and things around it. You know, it's not just the food itself, but it's also the context.

You learn not just about new dishes, but about the values and histories behind them. It's a delicious form of cultural immersion, if you want to put it that way. And let's be honest, who doesn't want to expand their culinary repertoire? Whether you're making sushi, baklava, or anything else, cooking these dishes brings you closer not just to your partner, but also to their  entire culture.

Plus, there's the added bonus, you get to eat your creation.  But here's the kicker, there's something even more satisfying than the food itself when it comes to dating across cultures, so stick with me and I'll reveal what that is in just a moment.  Now,  you've got many interesting things, uh, about, uh, as you can see, dating somebody from a different culture. 

Uh, our next step is to look at travel opportunities.  Now imagine yourself stepping off a plane in a country you've never been to, all because you fell in love with someone from that place, let's say, or maybe you're dating someone from that place or whatever. So it's exciting, right? So dating beyond frontiers can turn you into a traveler.

Even if you never considered yourself a traveler, or you didn't really care much about traveling before. And the best part? Well, you get an insider's view of a culture, not just a tourist's glance.  So when I, uh, I dated a girl from Italy a very long time ago, and I found myself traveling to a small city near Rome to meet her family, and suddenly I wasn't just visiting as a tourist.

I was getting like a locals tour of the city. We ate at this hidden place. We strolled through neighborhoods that were not necessarily in the guidebooks. And I kind of learned the unspoken rules of the Italian culture. If you want to put that way, it was like being led in on a beautiful secret, uh, place right on, on, on this, on these really reserved thing. 

And I, in just a minute. I'm going to reveal why traveling to your partner's home country is not just about sightseeing, it's about truly understanding their culture on a deeper level.  Traveling with your partner to their homeland means experiencing their world in full. You're not just hearing about traditions or social norms, you're also living them.

So you see how your partner interacts with their family. With her family, with her friends, community, uh,  it's a chance to step into their shoes and view life from, uh, from her or his perspective. So  on the beauty of it, well, it changes you. It's like adding new colors to the way you see the world. Status show that traveling makes you a more open minded, more flexible.

Uh, they make, it makes us more flexible in our thinking. When you do it with someone you care about, the effect is even stronger. And trust me, I have one more story about how traveling with a partner from a different culture can lead to a surprise you'll never forget. But more about that, more on that in a minute. 

Now, uh, when you date someone from a different country, there's more added bonuses. You don't just learn about their favorite foods or quirky traditions, you also get an inside look into their country's laws, healthcare system, and work culture. But why does that matter? Can this really make a difference in your life?

Well, stay tuned because in a moment I'll show you how Dating Beyond Borders can completely change your perspective on how your own country operates. So I remember dating someone from Sweden a long time ago and being absolutely blown away when, uh, when she explained how, uh, their parental leave policy worked.

So in Sweden, parents are entitled to 480 days of paid parental leave. And the idea of splitting this between both parents equally was so normal. Which is really nice. Meanwhile, in other countries, I don't know, for example in the US, people are often scrambling for even just a few weeks off, which is pretty awful, I'd say. 

Here in Spain, we have it much better in that sense. So it's a closer legislation to that of Sweden, I would say. Don't really, um, haven't really searched for details, but, uh, I know for sure that's pretty much across the, um, the European Union that way.  Now, um, but here's the kicker. Well, I initially felt, um, a little bit of, uh, jealousy.

Uh, it also opened up, uh, this broader conversation about why we accept certain societal norms without questioning. If other countries can provide better alternatives for different things, why can't we, right? So  anyway, I would say,  Spain's case is, is relatively a really, um, interesting case. It's a great country.

It's got great healthcare, um, a bit in decline lately, but still a great healthcare system, great education, and overall a really nice work life balance, I would say. Not the same in different countries, unfortunately. Anyway, in just a moment, I'll reveal the surprising way that dating someone from another country can also make you question not just your culture, but the core systems you grew up with. 

Understanding the differences in legislation, healthcare, and work culture goes beyond casual dinner conversation.  Uh, it gives you kind of like a nuanced perspective on what really works and what doesn't in different societies. For example, I learned that in Germany, there are laws protecting workers rights to disconnect from work after hours.

A policy that seemed revolutionary when my, uh, German friend described it to me. So these aren't just fun facts, they challenge how we think about everything from human rights to economic systems. Psychologists argue that being exposed to such differences can actually boost your problem solving skills.

Obviously, you know, the more information you have, the more, uh, alternatives you have in mind. to solve similar problems later on in life. So when you constantly evaluate the strengths and weaknesses of different systems, you're able to apply critical thinking in all areas of life.  But here's the twist.

What I discovered about healthcare in, in, in Norway completely changed my outlook on what we consider standard care. So stick around and I'll share that story in just a moment.  Anyhow, so we're in this part of the show now, in this part of the episode, where I'm gonna start revealing things, right? So remember that I talked, uh, earlier, you know, I hinted, uh, at a simple yet powerful way that learning a new language through love feels more like an adventure than a chore, right?

I said this at the beginning. Well, What is the secret? It's emotional connection. When you're motivated by a desire to communicate deeply with someone you love, the words become  something completely different. They come to life. You're not just memorizing grammar rules or vocabulary lists. You're, you know, weaving language into the fabric of your relationship.

So you're using it to build trust, uh, you know, share jokes, humor. Or even resolve country conflicts. So studies show that language retention is significantly higher when learned emotionally significant context, which is exactly what dating, um, across frontiers, uh, do right.  And now I'm also going to close the loop.

Uh, one of the loops that I, that I opened earlier, so I don't know if you remember how I teased that dating someone from another culture can make you a better problem solver. Well, here's how. When you're constantly exposed to a partner's different views, whether it's, uh, how they approach conflict or their take on global politics, when you become more flexible in your thinking, you stop seeing things in black and white and begin to appreciate the complexity of multiple perspectives.

So psychologists call this cognitive, uh, flexibility, and it's a skill that not only strengthens your relationship, but also improves your ability to solve complex problems in all areas of your life, right? It's pretty, pretty interesting. Also, uh, earlier I mentioned that cooking with your partner offers more than just great meals.

It strengthens your bond. How? Well, shared experiences, especially ones that involve collaboration and creativity, deepen emotional intimacy. Cooking together requires communication, patience, and compromise. All essential components of a strong relationship. And when you finally sit down to enjoy the hard earned meal, You're not just celebrating the food, you're celebrating teamwork.

So the satisfaction goes beyond taste. It's about the shared journey from raw ingredients to a meal prepared, you know, with, uh, with your partner, with love, etc. So it's, it's great in that sense.  Uh, Also, I think I promised you a surprise. I promised before, uh, when traveling with a partner from another culture, uh, could be a surprise.

So what's the surprise is that traveling together doesn't just expand your understanding of your partner's world. It transforms how you view your own. I remember. Uh, standing in a small village in Thailand, realizing how much I had taken for granted back home, from material conveniences to social norms.

Being immersed in someone else's environment reveals new perspectives on your own upbringing, values and priorities. You come back not just as a traveler, but as someone changed, as someone who is different, with a more global enriched perspective.  Lastly, I teased earlier that understanding another country's healthcare system could change the way you view your own.

Well, when my Norwegian friend explained how their universal healthcare worked,  I was both impressed and perplexed. It made me question why some countries struggle with basic healthcare access, while others prioritize it. I know it's not just about the money, it's about the mindset. But more than that, It led me to reflect on larger societal structures, you know, what is fair, what is sufficient and what could be improved.

So these are things that you sometimes don't really think about, but, uh, but sometimes you start thinking about them when you run into different people like that and they tell you different things. So as you search, um, more, you start, um, let's say you start learning more and you start comparing more. So what works in one place doesn't necessarily work in another one, but, um, I know, I know that part is true, but, uh, but, but, uh, if you don't, you know, push hard for your rights, then you get nothing.

So  dating someone from another country also pushes you to question and redefine  what you previously accepted as normal. This kind of cross cultural insight doesn't just benefit your relationship, it impacts how you engage with the world.  in general, right? Now, closing thoughts. Uh, each cliffhanger and loop we've explored  in this episode shows just how transformative dating across frontiers can be.

From language learning that feels like an adventure, to problem solving, uh, that challenges your worldview and unculinary experiences that strengthens your bond. These moments go far. Beyond the typical dating experience. So whether you're just a swiping on a dating app or booking that plane ticket, remember stepping beyond borders doesn't just expand your love life.

It expands you as a person.  Okay. So I'm wrapping up this episode. Thank you so much guys for listening, uh, to me. I hope you subscribe to my podcast and please let me know what you think about, uh, dating, dating beyond frontiers, dating beyond borders.  Okay, guys. You're awesome. Bye bye.