The Other Side of Fear
The most important life hack you'll need: A Holistic Guide to Get You Unstuck.
Self improvement topics covering mental health, trauma, limiting beliefs, mindset, spirituality, energy healing, mindfulness, and purpose.
The Other Side of Fear explores thought provoking stories about the types of fears that are triggered by our individual insecurities, conditioning and past traumas. We examine the role of societal conventions and how they function as a strong determinant, in how we often choose to address our most personal struggles.
Our guests discuss how they navigate through various challenges, while taking ownership of their true desires. Giving you a gentle push, to live in a way that honors your authenticity. What does it mean to lean into fear? How can we recreate our stories and embrace the unknown? What does the other side of fear look like for you?
This is a reminder that, your fears are as big and as scary as you allow them to be. Your purpose is greater than the fear that hinders you.
The Other Side of Fear
Redefining Death: A Conversation on Fear, Love and Healing | with Nicole Kerr
Key Takeaways:
- Most of our fears are irrational; they often do not represent Truth.
- Everyone and everything is connected.
- Control is an illusion. The only thing we have complete control of is how we choose to react/respond in any circumstance.
Death - it's a complex and challenging topic that we all grapple with at some point in our lives. But what if we could shift our fear of it to an understanding? Join us as we explore these profound questions with Nicole Kerr, a survivor of a near-death experience, who bravely shares her journey from fear to finding a deeper connection with life itself. With Nicole's insight, we delve into the heart of our human fears and how they can rob us of truly living.
Have you ever considered the power of love and interconnectedness in the face of death? Nicole's unique perspective reveals ten transformative lessons from near-death experiences, shedding light on our spiritual existence beyond our physical bodies. We navigate the profound significance of love, our interconnectedness with others, and the comforting absence of judgment in the afterlife. Nicole also uncovers the significant role of angels in our lives, enlightening us on the power of seeking their help. Tune in for a soul-stirring journey of overcoming fear, embracing death, and ultimately, finding a deeper connection with life.
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Hey, there you're listening to the Other Side of Fair Podcast where we talk about how personal affairs has hindered your ability to take that next step that will get you to where you aspire to be. What will it take for you to stop playing small and start playing big? Let's get into it. This conversation with Nicole Kerr has so much intrigue because we are talking about death, a topic most of us are not comfortable with, and I know that a lot of what we think about death is highly informed by religious doctrine. But this conversation is an invitation to open our minds to alternative perspectives.
Kertia:But to provide some context, the idea shared in this episode is based on what Nicole perceived during a near-death experience. These ideas are not at all foreign to me, because I too have encountered a near-death experience, so I can totally relate. But today it's not about me and I'd like to put this thought out there that our concept of God and spirituality is actually not as rigid as some of us make it out to be. And who knows, maybe death isn't so scary after all. But before we get into it, if you'd like to hear more details about Nicole's near-death experience and how it shifted her perspective on life and death. Grab a copy of her book. It's called you Are Deathless, and you'll find the link to that book below this episode. Now let's get into it. Okay, nicole, thank you for being here with me today. I'm so excited about this conversation.
Nicole:Oh, thank you so much. I'm very grateful to be on your show today and I really think it's important the discussion we're going to have about not being afraid of death, given what's happened in the US today with another mass shooting.
Kertia:Yeah, this is such an important topic. There's a lot happening in the world right now, so I know it may be a touchy topic for some people, but it's still an important topic.
Nicole:It's a hard topic to talk about. Death is. We are a culture of death denial. We don't want to think about it, we don't want to feel it and we don't want to deal with it until it happens. But I just want to first off, right off the bat, tell people we never know when our last day on the earth is going to be. If we lived with that awareness, we would be more present and we would live in a more deeper and meaningful way.
Nicole:Absolutely, and I certainly didn't think that I was going to die at age 19. Yeah, even going back to the Sandy Hook massacre those little first graders no one thought that they were going to die that day. So we have to start preparing ourselves, even though it's a difficult conversation to have, and what I would love to do with my story is to help change the narrative, instead of doom and gloom, about death and negativity and depression, that it really is my experience as, having survived several near-death experiences and hundreds of thousands of others like me, death is absolute beauty. It's light, it's loving kindness, it's everlasting peace. It's just like you're an astronaut in outer space, with awe and wonder. It's beautiful and we really, truly have nothing to fear.
Kertia:Yeah, you were involved. It's funny, just like you were saying, we don't know when, which day is our last, and you were involved in a car crash at the age of 19. What is the first thing that came to mind when you became aware of your predicament?
Nicole:Well, I will tell you, the only memory I had of the crash was bright white lights. So from the moment the wreck happened I was a passenger and another I was a cadet out at the US Air Force Academy. And I was the passenger and a senior cadet was driving and he, unbeknownst to me, was strong and, needless to say, my memories stopped the minute that we hit a boulder. And then I woke up in the hospital, in the ICU, and I just remember saying, oh my gosh, don't tell my dad, he's going to kill me. And that's how much I feared my father.
Nicole:So when we talk about fear, my fear goes back a lot through most of my life. There's a lot of things. I feared God, the concept of God I was raised with. I feared my father, so I feared failing at the academy. There's a lot of fear involved that has run my system, my nervous system, and that has not been good for me for all these years.
Nicole:But what I did remember were these bright white lights and that is the most common occurrence people that have NDEs seem to have is remembering a tunnel of white light.
Nicole:It's not a blinding light, it's a clear, sometimes light, but it's just very cocooning, very warm, very embracing, delightful, beautiful. And so that's all I remembered until almost 20 years later, when I had gotten on with my life and, as best I could, was working at the Centers for Disease Control in Atlanta and I just went to Starbucks my usual routine and, lo and behold, my memory came back and it's called repressed memories. And what I remembered Kertia, the moment I was in the car, how I was sitting in the car, and then every detail of what happened next, including me flying out of the car, hitting the windshield, and when I got up in the air, this being and it's an angel and I call him in my book you Are Deathless Casper, the Friendly Ghost, but it's not Casper. Last year, right before I published I mean right after I published my book, my deceased grandfather on my paternal side came to me and it was so weird because I was just in my computer one day and I smelled cigar smoke and I was like where is?
Nicole:this coming from. And then I heard my name and I'm like, uh-oh, who's trying to get ahold of me here? And he said this is your grandfather, james, and I actually am the angel, I'm Casper. And I'm like, oh my God, granddaddy. And he said to me I didn't want to tell you this until you were the same age that I was when I died. My grandfather was 58 when he died a massive stroke or heart attack and he smoked cigars, he was overweight, he was an alcoholic the same as the driver, ironically and he said to me I came down and picked you up and took you to the other side with me and I'm telling you this now because you're 58 years old and you can understand it better and I was just blown away because in a lot of near-death experiences, many people were called, seeing deceased loved ones on the other side, and it's a very comforting feeling and I, after all these years, could never say it. All I kept saying was yep, casper came, there, was an angel, but it was Casper and it was translucent, I know.
Nicole:Casper's so cute. So when I realized it was my grandfather, he told me he was going to be with me through the remainder of my life here on earth and he was going to be protecting me. And he has, and it's been so heartwarming for me to connect to him in this way, on a soul level, to know that. He saw what was going on at the academy. He saw the abuse I was under. He realized my soul was in the wrong place. He realized I was only at the academy to please my father okay, not because I wanted to be in the military, and so I couldn't get out of it because I just couldn't quit. I just could not say those words I'm quitting after all I had done to get in to please him.
Nicole:So my grandfather understood all of this pressure and then, when the wreck happened, that was my way out, my soul's way of saying you're done with that life. But I didn't want to come back. Some people experience the option to come back. They're asked if they want to stay or go back, and I was told when I was on the other side that I was going to go back and I was like no, I don't want to go back.
Kertia:You weren't given the option.
Nicole:Yeah, I didn't actually see my body in the ditch all mangled up and I just said I don't want to get back in that body because there's going to be pain and suffering. I'm going to have to deal with my parents who are very religious and I don't know what my physical abilities are going to be and I don't want all these limitations and restrictions. And they didn't think I would walk or just you know anything. It was horrible and so I tried to leave. Two more times that you know. I had two more near death experiences one in the operating room where I actually I was a code blue, my heart stopped. They called the time and told my parents I had passed and two minutes later, out of the blue my heart starts working.
Kertia:Oh my gosh, you're relentless. I know.
Nicole:No, this is my James, my angel. He caught me. I was, I left my body again and he caught me and he says you know, you're going back in that body. And I'm like, oh no, but I had had a colostomy performed and that was just.
Nicole:It was more pain to me and more like, oh my God, I'm only 19. How do I? I've never even had sex. How am I going to explain this to a guy that I've got my bowels in a bag hanging out of me and you know so it's just a lot of just horrific pain for the most part, and I just was tired of it, you know, and I just didn't want to be here anymore. But I'm glad I'm here now and I'm glad I've had a second and third chance and I understand, after almost 40 years now, that it's taken me to get to this point, aligning myself with my mind, my body, my soul and my spirit. And it has been a journey for me as well as it is for anybody else, and I've gone from a near death experience to what I call a spiritually transformative experience and my whole world transformed as a result of going to the other side and then remembering what happened and the beauty of what happened on the other side.
Kertia:That is amazing. That is so beautiful. That is a lot. That's just the beginning. That is a lot, and I mean that in the best of ways, but you're still here.
Nicole:I am, yeah, I am, and thank God.
Kertia:I know it's a blessing, truly it's a blessing but I want to know at that time, was there any doubt in your mind that you'd survive?
Nicole:Oh yes, I was in a lot of fear being at the academy. I lived in fear day-to-day that I would not be able to complete the physical regime there, the academic regime, the military I mean, it is full-on. You don't have any free time. Fun is not a word they use at any of the military academies. It's not about going there to have fun like sororities or fraternities or college. My dad had three rules. He's like I want no drinking, no smoking and no dating cadets. Well, come on, kersh, that's what you go to college for, right?
Kertia:Start experimenting and these are my dad's rules.
Nicole:My dad was a former Marine who went to the academy and we grew a very religious Southern Baptist in Lutheran. His word was God. Really, in my eye, the hardest part of all of this it was his blaming me for the car crash because the guy we stopped at a bar and I had two beers and I smelt my first cigarette and then got in the car and I later realized he was trying to make a sexual pass at me and I said no, that's when he got really mad at me and jerked the steering wheel and the Corvette convertible that's hot was out down. It fish-tailed and hit a huge boulder and flipped over and we were both thrown out.
Nicole:I have a picture of it here and I know for those who are not able to see it oh wow, you can see that it's just a mash of fiberglass. I mean the sheriff just took one look at it and said that is just not survivable and that's the passenger side. So he was right. I didn't survive it at the time. It was my angel. I believe in angels. They're human angels and the angels on the other side. But the human angels in my book were my EMT that found me that day and worked me until my vitals appeared, because I was clinically dead between 10 to 13 minutes.
Kertia:Wow. And what about the guy? Did he survive?
Nicole:Oh yeah, yeah, he had minimal injuries. He was double over the limit with alcohol. He got to go back to the academy. Any other kid would have been kicked out, but he had a dad who had three stars on his shoulder and brain has its privilege and so, yeah, we know how that goes. So I had this real sense of justice to be done when things happen. I think that's why Law Order is my favorite show, because I'm always looking for justice to be done.
Kertia:That is really interesting, I feel like for you, even the fair, because your religious background, your dad being in the Navy, oh Marines.
Nicole:he would correct me and say the Marines, they're a lot tougher than the Navy.
Kertia:Yeah, you're sorry that, your dad being in the Marines, I feel like the fear of disappointing your dad and letting him down in those expectations probably worse than the fear of death itself.
Nicole:Exactly. I know you laugh, but it's actually true the shame, the humiliation, the embarrassment of quitting something like this. He actually thought I was going to get well and could go back and complete it and I'm like what? Oh my God, you are just. No, I'm a 100% disabled veteran. I mean, I have so many injuries that it's just like he just couldn't grasp it, oh man.
Nicole:But yeah, my fear started really early in life when I realized I was supposed to be a boy because I was 10 and a half pounds and I was the second child born and he thought I was a boy and he had the nurse go back and check two or three times to make sure I was still. He couldn't accept that I was a girl coming out that big. He was like no, she's going to be a linebacker for the Dallas Cowboys and you know. So I feel like I disappointed him right off the bat because he wanted a boy.
Nicole:But the fear really started around the age of six, when that is the time in your life where you're starting to individuate. You know you don't need to hold mommy's hand to get on the school bus. I can do this. And if you're not allowed as a child to individuate. It really stunts you. And when you're raised in a household of fear, you have to understand that fear is coming from that part of your brain stem where the amygdala is, that fight flight freezer, fawn right, yes, yes. And then you're not coming from your prefrontal cortex, which is in the front part of your brain, which is where your executive reasoning functioning, is, where you can look at something pretty calmly and sanely and pros and the cons and make a good decision. Well, when you're raised in a household where you fear your father, fear punishment, severe punishment if you screw up, and you're raised in a religion where the concept of God is presented as God is dual, that means good or bad. God loves you, god's protective, god's going to be there for you.
Nicole:But on the other hand, there's all these rules, and here's the deal, Kersh there are so many rules there are more than the Ten Commandments Each church the Baptist church had their own rules. Then we'd go to Lutheran church and they'd have their rules, and it's just like and then they go well, even a thought is a sin, and you're going. Ok, there's no way I can win here. Yeah, and for the Baptist especially, which was hard for me is you were taught that you were going to go to a place called Hell and that you would be eternally separated from your parents and you were a sinner. That's a Catholic church, the Lutheran. You're a sinner, you're a bad person, and all because you made a mistake or you didn't follow the rule, exactly, you know, you had premarital sex or you did something like that.
Nicole:And when I went over to the other side, guess what? No fear, no, god is love. All of that fear that's instilled by religious organizations and other organizations that try to induce fear in you is all manmade. All of those things are manmade in order to control us and keep us at a very low vibration, because fear is a very low vibration, exactly. And when you have fear, you usually have its joint partner worry, okay, and so you're worrying all the time, and I did this for so, so long.
Nicole:I constantly was worried about my health, every little thing. I thought it was going to lead to something that would kill me, because I had so many times in the hospital where it was life and death. And so I lost my faith in God, that concept of God that I grew up in, because I would pray and pray and pray that you know I could get better, that something would happen, and nothing happened and I didn't feel a sense of God or a presence of God. I just felt fear and terror and pain for the most part.
Nicole:And so at that point, when my memory came back 20 years later, I really got it that, oh my gosh, god is love period. There's nowhere. That God is not. God is an energy. God is not some white man with a beard sitting up in heaven and judging all of us, like Santa Claus right in day on what you're doing, good and bad, and then, when you get up there, you're going to have to go before him and, like a tribunal, court, and you know, all this is just designed to scare you. And what I tell people is your beliefs about God shape your relationship with death and if you believe that God is dual and punishing and judgmental, and the wrath of God is going to come on you. If you're a sinner or a bad person, then you're going to die in fear.
Kertia:Yeah that is so true. A lot of us are taught to fear God and you're going to be punished and going to be separated from everything and everyone that you love, and be separated from God if you don't follow the rules and all those things. But a lot of times people forget that the most fundamental rule there is is love, really, and it's not even a rule, it's just a way of being.
Nicole:Yeah, you know, in my book I talk about lessons learned from NDEs, and these are lessons. You don't have to die to get these lessons, but we need to start becoming aware and practicing these lessons now, because this can transform the vibration of planet Earth. We are not going in a good trajectory here with the way we are treating one another, mother Earth and all sentient beings. We have got to shift that, and we need to start now shifting that to more of kindness, respect, valuing and honoring one another. But the first one is we don't die. No, ok, and that's the title of my book we Are Deathless.
Nicole:Yes, our physical body dies, decays, but our soul does not die. When we die, we have an energy body around us. That energy body cracks wide open and our soul leaves it, and so your soul is what continues to live on. The second one is love is all that matters, as is the source of all that exists. And if you think of love being the source of all that exists, well then that's God, creator, source, higher power, whatever you want to call it, and it is all that matters.
Kertia:Yeah.
Nicole:The third one is everyone and everything is connected. Ok, I don't know how long it's going to take us to get this message that we are all connected, but the air in Canada, with the wildfires, came out of the way down to South Carolina, affected 132 million. I know Americans I'm not sure how many Canadians but that was wicked when you saw the ash and the color of the smoke and that is not good for our bodies to be breathing that in. So you almost became like a prisoner in your own home and think about the limitations that that put on us in terms of fires just getting out of control. What that does to you limits you. Same thing with water is a shared resource. If a company is dumping pollution upstream and it's going downstream, it's affecting everybody that gets water along that. We've got to become more aware and mindful and less tolerant of these things happening and start demanding action.
Nicole:Yeah, the fourth one loving ourselves and others is the most important thing we can do. So there we go again to love, absolutely Loving ourselves is truly one of the hardest things I think that you learn to do, because you have got to learn to unconditionally love yourself. That means quit judging yourself, quit telling yourself, your kids, your family, you should do this, you should do that. Should is a very shaming word and it implies that you know better than that person. So start becoming aware how many times you tell somebody or yourself I should have done better or you should do this. Cut it out of your vocabulary, because the language, yeah, words matter. Fifth one is we are more than our physical body and brain. The soul is what lives on, but look at how much time we spend on our bodies so much. Sixth one is we're never alone. Now, that one is a hard one for people because if you don't understand, the spiritual realm is right there and accessible to you. You will feel alone. All those years when I had given up on God, I gave up on the spiritual realm as well. What I know now is they were always there. I just didn't plug into them Exactly. The angels are there to help us, the archangels, the spirit guides, deceased loved ones. We are not alone. We just can't see them physically, but they are there.
Nicole:The seventh one we are not judged. I just talked about not judging yourself. It's one of the lessons you can start with right now with that, but on the other side, you're not judged. Yeah, everything is seen as a lesson learned. Not that you are a mistake. Our true selves are perfect and we are loved more than we can found. That's number eight, okay, and our true soul form were perfect. We've just gotten spiritual amnesia when we're born and we forget that we're these perfect, beautiful, radiant, glorious, amazing souls. There's nothing wrong with us, but we get conditioned and then we get filters put on us through authority, figures, parents, society, that this is what's wrong with you or you're not worthy of this, or whatever the lesson is. And we have to start remembering who we really are at our core level.
Nicole:The ninth one we will see loved ones and others when we return home. Now, that's exciting. They're not in their human form and the story that they had on earth is not with them anymore. So if it was an abusive relationship or they were an alcoholic, that does not carry over when you see them again, yeah. And then the tenth one is during a life review, and we will have a life review, but it's not going to be this judgmental review. We learn how everything that we said, did and thought during our physical life impacted ourselves, others and the world. So this is about being mindful and present that what you do to another person, how you treat others, how you treat yourself and the world at large does make a difference.
Nicole:And then I add the ones I was giving was not to be afraid of death, which falls into we do not die. And then to please ask your angels for help, because they are there and there are thousands of them there. They're willing to help us. We had just have to ask because we live in a society that has free will, choice. We have to choose to say angels, please help me with this.
Nicole:And nothing is too small for them, okay, even a parking space. You may laugh at me about that, but I just asked for one this morning and, believe me, I got the parking space right in front of the house. Okay, I couldn't even believe it and I just smile at my angels because it's like nothing's too small or it's not stupid or any of that. They love to help us and to give evidence that they're there working on our behalf. So those lessons you don't have to die, like I did, to learn them. If we could all learn these now and implement these now in our daily life, the vibration of the world would change and the cultural misunderstandings around death would change. We wouldn't be blaming God for the war over there in the Middle East, or whatever People using the name of God so inappropriately. It's not the cause of it. Those are lessons that we can start applying this moment, right now.
Kertia:Absolutely. I love that, I love that message, I love that you focus so much on that concept of love, that way of being that we should all just permeate all the time. But it's easier said than done.
Nicole:Oh my goodness, absolutely.
Kertia:You know it's, of all the you say you come from a religious background of all the commandments that we learn from Christianity, that is the most important one, because really all the other problems are solved by holding that one the highest. Every other problem is literally solved by holding love the highest. Yes, so the wars, the things that we're seeing happening in society today it's just a huge has nothing to do with God. It's just a dysfunction of the human mind, a dysfunction of the human spirit, a disconnection from themselves. And, of course, if you don't love yourself, there's no way you can love someone else. Absolutely Right. And if you're separated from yourself, from your true nature, you will be separated from everyone else as well.
Nicole:So, and that's what it boils down to, and your life will be very empty feeling and then you start looking for outside things to fill that emptiness. And that's why we have a lot of addiction in this country and we have people that just I would say they wanna trance out. They would just wanna put themselves in a trance so they don't have to feel and they don't have to deal with pain or whatever the issue is. They just wanna whether it's alcohol, compulsive overeating, binge watching TV, it's a way to just escape and not have to deal with becoming responsible and owning your own truth instead of blaming others every time something goes wrong in your life.
Kertia:Yeah, that is so true. And you said something about you shedding the identities that you had. What was the process of you doing that? Just shedding yourself of those identities that you carry, that you associated with yourself to become the Nicole that you are right now?
Nicole:I will tell you that I've had to go through a lot of different healing modalities to get at a lot of ways to let go and understand what I'm shedding the people pleasing. I think I really got that when my parents really became very narcissistic and religious addicts, I would say, and they did not believe my version of God it wasn't the Bible and it was very disheartening and discouraging that they would not believe me and that they felt that I was actually dishonoring God by speaking my truth here, that I got it wrong basically, and I'm the one making the mistake here. And so I realized my whole life I was trying to please them and I finally just had to cut off communication with them. They live in Australia, distance helps, but I also had to quit communicating with them because every time I did it was criticism, judgment, and I'm a very sensitive, empathic person. I came back from the other side with heightened sensitivities and I can't be around negative people. Triggers me with migraines, smoke, toxins, loud noises, crowds, all that kind of stuff. I can't be around it. It makes me sick. So I have had through a long, painful process to just let go of people that I thought would love me unconditionally but realized there were some conditions and it's not easy. But when you look at the cost of what it was costing me to try to keep pleasing them and realizing it, it wasn't working. And I was the one suffering. I was the one feeling bad after each phone call. I was the one binging after each phone call because I just couldn't understand what I was doing wrong. I seemed to be the problem and the truth was I wasn't the problem at all, but that's how they framed it, that I was the problem. So it is especially with your family. It's a very for most of us that are raised that family is everything. Their blood is thicker than water. They'll always be there for you. It's a very hard lesson to let go and Spirit finally came and told me. They said, nicole, you didn't come back to police your family or to get their approval. You came back to deliver this message and this is the truth. And it's time for people to start awakening and letting go of generational belief systems, limiting belief systems that are no longer working for them.
Nicole:And I wanna talk about when you get in fear, you lose clarity. When you think about that, with the amygdala taking over, it hijacks this part of the brain, the reasonable part, you don't even. It doesn't even stand a chance. That amygdala just clamps down on you and goes being survival mode. Survival mode, we don't care what seems reasonable. And so, in order to regain your clarity, you've gotta address your fears, and many of our fears are unconscious, okay.
Nicole:And so to get at that, I used a process called neuroemotional technique, net, which has been around for about 30 years. But there are other techniques as well. There's EMDR, there's hypnotherapy, there's so many more different. The emotional code. There's different ways to get at these hidden belief systems that are driving you.
Nicole:And most of our fears, if you think about it, are irrational meaning. They're just not true and they come from that existence of limiting beliefs. Now, if you think about it, limiting belief systems cause you to perceive that things are not right, so that activates that sense of irrational fear. So, without limiting beliefs, you're gonna exist in a state of alignment, which is what I've been working on for the last 40 years, is to get myself in alignment, and the spiritual for me was the last to really come online. Alignment is the gold. That's what we need in order to reach this higher level of clarity. And when we're in clarity. That's when we can receive inspiration, be inspired.
Nicole:Right now, so many of us are in information load, meaning information is just being. They're coming at us like a fire hose of all these things, and so your nervous system is just cranked up in a sympathetic mode and you're always like, okay, the tiger's gonna come get me any moment, instead of getting in that parasympathetic state. So your spirit can't get through. Really, when you are filled with fear and worry, but in clarity you realize that everything happens for me, not to me, big difference. That spirit and that whole realm up there they are working for our greatest good. So it's happening for us, not to us. And the other thing about fear is you can tell when you get in fear.
Nicole:When you wanna fix and control someone that is a lesson I learned about oh, I don't wanna deal with myself, I'd rather fix my husband or somebody else instead or try to control the illusion of controlling a situation, cause control really is an illusion. We have very limited abilities to really control a lot in our life. Yes, we can control what we put in our mouth and things like that, but there was a time when I developed compulsive overeating cause. I didn't get mental health help. Directly after the crash, my mother said to the doctor that Jesus was our psychotherapist and unfortunately that was not true. Jesus never did come down and sit down and have a conversation with me about my complex PTSD or my depression, but as a result I developed what is now known as binge eating disorder and unfortunately that lasted 20 years of my life, until from age 20 to age 40. And it was very shaming, very secretive, and so I needed to control things and so something like that wreck would never happen again. I was gonna drive myself everywhere, no one was gonna drive me.
Nicole:All these things that I was trying to put in place as safety guards and measures to control my life so that I would seem to be safe and in retrospect it's all a big illusion to think that that's what, that I could do that, but example of my limiting belief that I've had to work on is the fact for me that God is not a vending machine. God is not duality, god is simply love. That took me a long time to just realize. I experienced God in nature. That, to me, is the most intense connection is when I see the beauty of nature and all the creation that is around me and it just how it keeps me magnificent and diverse it is.
Nicole:And then the miracles of me coming back. That's something greater than myself. I didn't will myself to come back. My heart, my vitals were gone. That was purely a spiritual, mystical experience and a true miracle. So fear is something we all have to work on, okay, because we're human and the human part of us has fear, and there are some fears that you really do need to listen to, but the majority of them are irrational and those are what are running our systems and keeping us in worry mode, and that is not helping anybody, especially yourself. Be in a place of authenticity or enlightenment or at a higher vibration.
Kertia:Yes, exactly that is exactly it, and I feel like this experience, this whole experience that you've been through, was so important for you and gave so much meaning to your life and to the path that you are on right now. Taking all of that into consideration and what you've had to experience to have this insight, this completely different insight from what you were raised to believe, what are your hopes for yourself moving forward right now?
Nicole:My hopes for myself are that I can just allow myself to be I've been working on that for a while to not have to be doing that I can be loved for just being Nicole. I don't have to have a bestselling book, I don't have to do anything. Wow, that I'm just loved for me and all of my scars and flaws. I have had to work on loving me at that level first, unconditionally. That's.
Nicole:What I hope is that I can allow myself to just be in the flow of life and not try to push things or get focused on my ratings on Amazon or any of that kind of stuff that in the greater scheme of life means nothing, but in that moment it's just like oh my gosh, somebody gave me a one star review and they didn't leave their name and they didn't leave their review.
Nicole:And who would do something that mean. And we all get worked up about our own personal crisis in life and, just to always remember, the bigger picture in life is we're only on this planet for a very short, limited period of time in the greater scheme of our souls development, and I just want to leave it, this planet, with a sense of love and oneness. And if I can help people lessen their fears or let go of their fears, especially around death, the transition for them is going to go much easier, faster and more glorious if they're not in resistance. And it's time for us to start a new conversation around death, because it is the only shared experience every single person on this planet is going to have. Yet we don't want to talk about it and we need to start talking about it, and we need to start talking about the positivity in it and, I think, as we do that, and teaching kids about it as well.
Nicole:My sister's husband died 10 years ago from ALS, a very horrific illness, and the children were 10 and 14. And, of course, the first thing they said was mom, are you going to die soon as well? Of course they're scared and she said no, no, I'm not going to die anytime soon, you don't have to worry. And I thought about that and I said, you know, that's not nearly necessarily true. You can't guarantee your children, even though you're trying to protect them and their feelings and assure them that they're going to be OK, you don't have that guarantee. Something could happen to you and you could pass.
Nicole:And instead a more appropriate, in my opinion, conversation is to say I can't guarantee that, I don't think I'm going to die, there's nothing wrong with me, I'm not sick, but we never know when death is going to show up. And if it does come for me, then I want you to know that you're going to be OK, you're going to go live with Uncle James and Aunt Nicole and they're going to take care of you. And I provided for you, you know, and I'm going to miss you, but I don't intend to. But it could happen, you know. So that alleviates their fear and gives them a plan to know, ok, if something did happen to Mahami, that this is what's going to happen, I'm going to go live with so and so, instead of blindly just saying it's not going to happen, because that's not the truth. And we need to start being honest with children and let them deal with their feelings about it.
Kertia:Yeah, absolutely. We need to have these difficult conversations with children because it doesn't help, because we see every day parents die, women die in labor. Yeah yeah, Then there's spousal abuse. Death cause by spousal abuse, all these things, accidents anything can happen. I think that a lot of us need to find a way to speak to our kids in an appropriate manner about death and what it means, and have safeguards for them in the event that that occurrence comes about. So you're completely right on that, it's so important.
Nicole:Yeah, it's a reality, that can happen, and so Halloween doesn't help, because Halloween scares the wee wee out of the young ones about death. When you have coffins and Dracula coming out of the coffin or the skeleton coming up in the video games where people, you kill them but they come right back and it's like that's not the real world, not a realistic representation, and so I think we need to do a rethink around Halloween and like movies like Jackalette that scared me for years.
Nicole:It wasn't just a one off being scared that was my literal concept of death, meaning this could happen, and kids are very literal and so we have to really watch what we're showing them and teaching them and presenting to them through the media and through these holidays. Halloween is now the second largest holiday in America, you know, and it's spreading to other countries and I'm all for dressing up in fun costumes and candy and all that, but you think about November 1st being all souls day for the Latino culture? The word soul is never mentioned on Halloween in America. We don't. We don't talk about the soul and they talk about the soul and coming back and celebrating, and it's a complete polarization, I mean complete different stance on it, you know, and you think, wow, look at the difference in those two and so it's a huge difference. Yeah, and they're just little things, but they're important because they imprint into children and they help shape their relationship to death as doom and gloom.
Kertia:That is absolutely true, Absolutely true. That is something that I talk about with my daughters as well. There are times when I try to teach them things and I let them know, like listen, I'm not going to be here forever, I cannot hold your hand forever these things I am trying to teach you because you just never know All right. So I talk to them about it in an appropriate way or what I think could be the most appropriate way for them their age at the moment. But it's definitely. I mean, a lot of people might not agree with telling your kids about death and you not being around for them and things like that, but it is a reality of being a human being.
Nicole:Well, let me just tell you it's much worse on the other side if something did happen to you, and your children are left wondering and having all these questions and someone else is having to answer them for them. Or not answering them or not answer it, and they just have to go on and then it will come out in other ways as they get older, because those would become repressed emotions that at some point will manifest as physical dis-ease in your body.
Kertia:Yeah, the trauma becomes so much worse than the loss itself. Yeah, that's really important, but you mentioned something about the neuro-emotional therapy that you received no-transcript.
Nicole:Neuroemotional technique is a mind-body stress tool and it was developed by chiropractor about 35 years ago. It involves using acupressure points, muscle testing, which comes from the field of kinesiology and psychology. Basically, what you're doing is you're going to a current stressor in someone's life that is sabotaging them and they don't understand why. You have them think about it or say a phrase and to check their body's congruency with them. It's all non-invasive and you're using the muscle test, pushing down to see if their body is. It's not a lie detector test, but if they're congruent with the statement or they're not congruent with it, then if they're not congruent with it, you go to the acupressure points and you find out what organ is associated with it. The Chinese figured this out over 5,000 years ago, that our emotions are associated with different organs. The liver is anger, resentment, gauld, emotionally repressed, depressed. Your bladder, your kidneys. That is about fear. When you get in a lot of fear, notice if you don't start peeing more.
Kertia:Yeah, that is so true.
Nicole:That's another sign that you've got something going on. You're in a lot of fear and you run into the bathroom more than normal. You get the emotion and then you have them connect the two. And what is the hardest part about that for you? Whatever that statement is in the emotion Then it's like, well, my family is going to disown me if I quit going to their church, whatever that is. Then you work through the.
Nicole:Where did that even begin? Where you did not get your family's approval and you saw the result was negative. If you didn't get it, that could have been back at six years old or three years old or wherever. You picked up a belief system that is now no longer working for you and it's actually sabotaging you and you can have adverse reactions. You can have all kinds of issues come up and you don't know what it is and the doctors can't figure it out. It turns out it's a repressed emotion and you need to heal the source of where that belief system came from.
Nicole:It's like I tell this story in my book about how this family sat down for Thanksgiving and it was four generations and the newlywed couple fixed the Thanksgiving dinner and they had roast as well, so she had cut off both ends of the roast and presented that roast in the pot. Her newlywed husband said honey, why'd you cut both the ends off? She goes I don't know. Mom taught me how to do that. That's what I did. He looked at the mom and he said mom, why do you cut off both ends of the roast? She said well, my mother always did it and the grandmother was there. She said well, I'm passing it to great-grandmother, you know, because I just learned from her that's how I cook a roast. And the great-grandmother said I only had one pot to piss in, basically, back then, and it was this one pot, and the roast was too big, it wouldn't fit in it, so I had to cut off both the ends in order to get the roast in it.
Nicole:And the newlywed couple, the woman, looked at her new husband and she said oh my God, we got like five roasting pans in there and I had no idea that that was the whole history behind why we had to cut off the ends. You know, so things evolve. Our soul is here to evolve and not to hang on to past generations and their stories and their belief systems. If they're not for our highest and greatest good. We have got to let them go and wake up and become more conscious that the way we are living in this world has got to change in order for there to be more love and a higher consciousness.
Kertia:Yes, and it's funny that you mentioned that. That is a really interesting technique, because I've also read that when we have repressed emotions and when we have a lot of trauma or issues that we have not dealt with, that stays in our body and that could manifest as illness right, absolutely Autoimmune diseases and things like that, a lot of those things are also manifestations. They're not always random genetic issues or, of course, whatever you put in your body does facilitate the process as well, but a lot of illness that we have in our bodies are also manifestations of the stressors that we have mentally and emotionally and that manifests as illnesses with our organs and with our immune system not working the way it's supposed to work. So I really connected with that when you were speaking about this, this therapy that you did, yeah, and that particular way.
Nicole:Net really worked for me, so much so that I actually went and got certified it and I had my own private practice. I just closed it this past January, but I loved doing it because I was a dietitian before and I would, oh my goodness. I worked with people on all kinds of diets you know diabetic diets and stuff and it's just like as soon as they had a stressor, out came the pineaben and jerrys and the whole pine. It wasn't even half a cup, because nobody can. It's like you can't eat just one laced potato chip. You're not going to eat just one half cup of Ben and Jerry's, exactly, you know. And so I was like you totally get thrown off your food plan and I had to start looking at wait a minute. These people know it's not a knowledge issue. They know that doing this is not good for their system, and so what is going on on an unconscious level that is sabotaging them? And that's when I realized, oh my God, I've got my own issues with this, because my stomach would start belching and I was like the GI doctor couldn't find anything wrong and I was like, you know, oh my goodness. So at 50 years old I went into this and the doctor that was doing it for me goes Nicole, this is your mother and your toxic relationship, without being able to sit boundaries with your parents, and it is just. It roars up in this belch. You know, every time you just push it back down because you don't want to upset them, you know, and so I really realized. Then I got to start dealing with this and it's not going to be pleasant, but this is my truth, and there's a great book out by Dr Bessel Vanderkul called the Body Keeps the Score, and it's about trauma and your body does keep the score. Okay, your memories are stored in your hippocampus, but your body keeps all of those traumatic memories.
Nicole:And I believe it took 19 years for my memories to come back, because I needed safety, a sense of safety. I needed a sense of support from people and a team of healing health care professionals that were in different healing modes, where I could get the support for whatever memories came up that they would validate that for me, because we have a hard time in this country validating people's memories that come up 10, 20 years later, whether it's sexual abuse or like my memory, and discounting people saying, well, how do we know? That's true, you know, and so that makes you doubt yourself. And what I'm saying is it took me a while to believe that this all happened to me. I was like good Lord, but I couldn't make any of this up. You know, it just is like and that's the thing about NDE's and all of this is is it's not. This is your own experience, and every single NDE is going to be different because we're all different, but they all have those same lessons that I talked about earlier. At least 99% of them there's a small percentage, that is are distressing, but that's a whole another topic.
Nicole:But you know, I guess I would just like to say to people if you get my book, I would love for you to share it as a book club book, because there's a whole section at the end there's a fear checklist and there's questions for book clubs and I want this to become a bigger discussion. So if you have it in your book club for people to talk about death, you know you're going to find out so many things about these people. It's going to bring intimacy to your group, for one thing, and you're going to be able to just lessen your fears, to just actually name them out loud, you know. So I hope you will do that, and if I'm available by Zoom, I would be happy to pop in on your book club when you decide to discuss it and be there. I offer that Also.
Nicole:If you go to my website, wwwnacolkerrcom, I'll send you the first chapter of the book for free. I have a ton of podcasts already on my website, where a lot of them I went into really graphic detail of what happened early on in the rec, and now I've tried to speak more about the positive parts, you know, instead of just the actual accident itself. But I just, I guess, would like to say that, having had several near-death experiences, just as my hope is that there's an awareness with all the humans that we are love and we are oneness, hence everyone and everything is connected, and that we need to awaken ourselves to this truth and start treating Mother Earth, one another and all sentient beings with the respect and equality that we all deserve, Amazing, amazing.
Kertia:I love that. I just have one more question for you, because I love this term that you use. You said that you are an eternality advocate.
Nicole:You got it right. Yeah, that's a hard word. Most people can't say it right. Did you have to practice?
Kertia:No, Okay you got it.
Nicole:You did. That's what I call myself. I'm now in my vocation part of my life, not in occupation, this is my vocation. That is amazing, and that term is actually. It's a real word. You can look it up in the dictionary. William Faulkner even used it in one of his novels. But eternality means you go on and on and on. There is no end and world without end I'm in right, and that's what I want people to know is that your soul goes on without end and it's maybe news for some people, but it incarnates many times. This isn't our first rodeo on this earth and we all choose to come in to evolve ourselves and our soul. And this is what it's about. And part of this is learning these lessons that I brought back, that others have brought back and that collectively. This was done through science to collect all of these lessons, plus my own, all positive and all encouraging to people about what happens when you pass over and you will.
Kertia:Amazing. Thank you so much, nicole. Yes, thank you, I really enjoyed having this conversation with you.
Nicole:Me too. You have made my weekend.
Kertia:Nicole shared so many gems, but if you're not yet told on what we discussed, you can actually get access to the entire first chapter of Nicole's book from her website, which is linked below. Thank you so much for listening and I'd love to hear your feedback on this episode. So head over to my pot inbox and record me a message. I see and respond to all your messages, so don't be shy.
