GROW God Reveals Our Way
The podcast where we dive deep into biblical truths, explore inspirational God stories, and examine current events through the timeless lens of scripture.
GROW God Reveals Our Way
Episode 009 - Nicole Jansen - Be The Change
Embark on an adventure as I, Angelic Gibson, sit down with Nicole Jansen, a beacon of inspiration in the realm of faith and entrepreneurship. Together, we traverse Nicole's remarkable path from her family business beginnings to her impactful role as a coach and podcast host. Her story illustrates the profound influence of divine purpose in shaping our professional journeys and the significance of harnessing our God-given talents to not only elevate our lives but also to illuminate the lives of those we serve.
Confronting the complexities of love and commitment, Nicole lays bare her heart, recounting her journey through marriage. Our conversation candidly addresses the challenges that arise when life doesn't align with our expectations and the power of faith in navigating the uncharted waters of a relationship that demands more than we anticipated. This episode is a raw and insightful look into the depths of dedication, the resilience required to evolve beyond old patterns, and the courage to embrace true commitment.
As we conclude, we celebrate the redemptive qualities of forgiveness and the blossoming of a rekindled marriage rooted in common spiritual beliefs. The episode is an affirmation of hope, revealing how a bond, once severed, can be mended and flourish anew under the nurturing light of shared faith. Don't miss the opportunity to nourish your soul - join us on Grow for ongoing spiritual enrichment, as we affirm that with divine guidance, love can re-emerge in the most unexpected and beautiful of ways.
To learn more about Nicole and her business services, please visit:
https://leadersoftransformation.com/
Thank you for tuning in to this episode of Grow where God reveals our way. I'm Angelique Gibson, your host, and I can't wait to explore the vast riches of God's Word with you. So don't forget to subscribe and stay tuned for upcoming episodes packed with biblical teachings, inspirational stories and a fresh perspective on the world around us. Now let's get started on this beautiful journey. May God bless you abundantly. Welcome back to another episode of Grow where God reveals our way. I am so excited to have with me today a very special guest, who a dear friend of mine introduced me to, but she is an absolute powerhouse. You're going to love just hearing how God has been working in and through her life. I'm going to let her tell you some of the really amazing things that God has her doing in this season right now, but I'm going to introduce you to no other than Nicole Jansen. Welcome, nicole.
Speaker 2:Thanks, Angelic. It's exciting to be here and looking forward to our conversation ahead.
Speaker 1:I am too. We were just saying that we love divine appointments and our appointment was certainly divine. God is certainly mending a lifelong friendship and just so grateful that our friend John connected us Amen. So why don't we go ahead? Yeah, why don't we go ahead? I want to just kind of get people who may not be familiar with you introduced to you a little bit. I certainly have your bio in the show notes et cetera, but just a little bit from you. You're a serial entrepreneur, incredibly successful businesswoman. Tell us a little bit about what God is doing in this season of life, specifically in and through your work right now.
Speaker 2:Yeah, thank you. So you know it's all because of God and what he is doing, and so thank you for for emphasizing that, because I wouldn't be here without him. I mean in more ways than one, but really, in what I'm doing, it is by the grace of God, and so I have a podcast. I host the leaders of transformation podcast, and that was actually something that God inspired me, called me to do back in 2015. In fact, he woke me up at four 30 in the morning and said you're going to do a podcast and this is what it's going to be called, this is what you're going to do, go and, and so that is. That is such a blessing. We're almost at 500 episodes now, and it's just the people that I've been able to meet through that. It's been incredible.
Speaker 2:I also coach entrepreneurs and business leaders in growing their business but, more importantly, becoming who they were meant to be, doing the thing that God has called them to, living in their assignment. And not all my clients are Christians, yet we still get the opportunity to dig deep into who they are and how they're created, which also gives me an opportunity to oftentimes share about God and the God that created them. I always say that if you want to know the purpose of a thing, you ask the one who created the thing, and so we get to have those conversations. So it's a, it's a great opportunity that I have and, yeah, we're just, you know, working on building a platform and scaling our impact through some different avenues and really leveraging what God has given me and and just stewarding that as well as I can.
Speaker 1:Absolutely incredible and we're going to click into just the little bit that I've gotten to know about you how just amazing it is to see that you really live out what you actually help other people achieve, what you actually help other people achieve. So, you know, you, you help, coach and lead people to who God created them to be, and your journey, and doing that for yourself, I mean, you know, the best coaches are the ones who actually have lived through the experience of what you're trying to help others do. That's one thing, to to read and learn about concepts, but to truly live it out that's what really separates an okay coach to just an incredible coach of excellence, and I think that's really what you represent. So, before we get into that part of your story, I would love to hear, though, a little bit about your journey into becoming a coach, specifically around the family business that you had the opportunity to grow up inside of and just where your entrepreneurial roots came from.
Speaker 2:Yeah, thank you, and to your point. You know it's funny. I've often said to God like, can I not just read this from a book? Why do I have to experience it all myself? Exactly, don't we wish? Not saying that we all need to experience everything firsthand and go through all the painful experiences, in particular Individually. We can learn from others, and there are certain things that God allows us. I don't think he causes us to go through, but he certainly allows certain things if it's going to shape and mold us into the person that he's created us to be.
Speaker 2:And so, yeah, when I started out in life, I grew up in an entrepreneurial household. My parents were hardworking immigrants and they knew how to work seven days a week, and so my dad owned garage businesses, my mother helped in the garage and did the paperwork and everything, and then, when I was seven, they started a home-based business and, because of our environment and the way that my parents I mean it was just really they were immigrants. So it was just the four of us my brother and myself, my parents, that was it. That was our family unit, and no extended family nearby and no extended family nearby. And so we just learned to be a team and we learned that you know when we win, everybody wins, and when we work, everybody works. Like so we were. We were, that was ingrained in us and so when my parents started that business, I immediately jumped up and said, okay, well, what can I do? And of course I'm seven years old, what could I do? So I started opening boxes because there were shipments coming to our house every week and I started opening up boxes and you know, tracking, inventory, and then gradually people would call with orders and I would take the orders down rather than just taking a message for my parents to call them back. And it grew into the point where when I was like I don't know 12, 13, 14, I was doing a lot of the ordering and supporting my mom in that and also then starting my own first official business. I always say official business because that was where I registered it with the government. Before then I had all these little side businesses at school and so forth, but that's when I started my first official business and started to get out there and sell and I sold fax machines door to door and then I quickly realized I wasn't excited about fax machines, so I started selling other stuff and I didn't know much about business other than helping my parents' business. But really, from an outward marketing and sales I didn't really understand much about it, other than the fact that I knew that you needed to have a product to sell and somebody to sell it to, and so with that I got started and just followed the promptings. And now I look back and I realize that God was leading me and directing me every step of the way, but I didn't know that at the time. Even though I was a believer, I was a new believer. I became a Christian when I was 14. So it's just this progression.
Speaker 2:And then by the time I was in my 20s, I was building my own business. I decided not to go to university. My parents' business was really thriving. There's a lot more to the story, but the essence was that my dad had set aside that home-based business and focused on his automotive business after having some failed business ventures. And then it decided when I was 17, came back into the business and we started to build that business and replaced his income from the other businesses and went full time. And then we continued to grow it.
Speaker 2:By the time I was in my mid twenties it was doing over $10 million a year in sales and this is a home-based business, you know, and we're in like 10, 11 countries and I started. I started partnering with my parents and helping them in that business more and more and eventually officially partnered with them and, uh, it was a great experience and I thought that's what I was going to do for the rest of my life. And apparently that was not the plan, because that business ended up falling apart. We were in business with some people that had different core values and different priorities.
Speaker 2:When there's a lot of money on the table, people's real motivations and intent it doesn't change people, and I love what somebody said once money doesn't change you, but it does reveal you, and so the the ulterior motives and so forth it started to create real problems and anyway, that business started falling apart and we ended up losing it and my parents lost everything. I didn't have much to lose because I was just investing everything back in the business and so I really wasn't concerned about because I thought that was going to be my future, right. So, but it did cause me to then sit back and say, okay, god, like what was that about? I just spent 20 years helping and then building actively this business, and there's nothing really on the surface you know visibly to show for it.
Speaker 2:But when I went back and I extracted all the lessons, I realized I had learned so much and so much on the way up, and also even more on the way down, about leadership and about human behavior and about team building and about business and operations and all the things, operations and all the things.
Speaker 2:And that's when I sat and I really prayed over like, what do you want me to do with this? You've given me these experiences, or allowed these experiences to happen, so that I could learn all of these lessons. What do I do with that? And then it was out of that that I became very clear on my purpose and my mission, which is to help maximum, helping people to maximize their potential to be the best that they can be, to be who God created them to be. And so I started to coach and train around that, helping people to discover themselves, discover their strengths, who they are, and then build teams around that and companies around that. And and it's been an incredible journey and then that's just been the evolution which has brought me to where I am today.
Speaker 1:That's absolutely incredible. There's not a lot of people out there who have, you know, led successful businesses from grassroots like you're describing. Go through the, you know, go climb the mountain and then come back down and to be on the other side to help other entrepreneurs and business leaders really take their leadership to the next level and, you know, become the person that God created them to be. So, just living it out, the experience that you bring to the table is absolutely incredible, and that's just from a few minute testimony that you're describing. So the richness in the well runs deep. So I just so appreciate even the little bit that you have shared today. You know, one of the things that really stood out to me is that you shared with me you're in the business of transformation and, even more importantly, you believe that the transformation can happen. So it's one thing to hope for transformation, it's another thing to truly believe in it. And you've also shared with me some of your key strengths, as defined through the strength finders assessment. And for those of you who haven't heard me talk about Strength Finders, you will now, because I absolutely love it. But it's this little assessment you can go out and take through Gallup and it will basically tell you what are the greatest strengths that God has created you to do like what's in you and work on those strengths, because they're going to get you further in life than trying to fix the things that quote unquote culture calls weaknesses. You can spend your whole lifetime trying to fix those weaknesses, but God didn't create you to take weaknesses and turn them into strengths. He's actually created you with strengths and he wants you to maximize those strengths for his work. So say all that to say, some of your strengths you shared with me were maximizer, so the fact that your mission is tied to maximizing the greatness in others and creating systems, relationships and spaces to allow people to really thrive for who God created them to be. You're an achiever, so you like to get stuff done. You're a visionary, futuristic Ideation. You can create and ideate with other business leaders, other friends, just people that God puts in your path, and it's underpinned by this strength of belief and just a little bit more around.
Speaker 1:That belief that really just stood out to me when you shared a bit of your testimony with me was your story in your personal life, specifically with your husband. It reminds me so much of one of my favorite books beyond the Bible, and that book is Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers and listeners. If you haven't picked up a copy of that book, whether you're male or female, I encourage you go get a copy, read that book, gift it out to many, because it is one of the best books ever written and it is the fictional story that is depicted off of the book of Hosea. In the Bible and in the book of Hosea what we find is we find a prophet for Israel, god's nation, and Israel was fornicating against the ways of God. You can pretty much look at America today and see that we're trying to take God out of everything.
Speaker 1:And that's the same thing that was happening back in the day in Israel when Hosea was a prophet, and what God did is a natural depiction of the spiritual decay that was happening in the land. He actually had his prophet Hosea marry a prostitute, someone who was unfaithful to the marriage vows and she would keep returning to the work that she was accustomed to prostitution. And so you see Hosea, just the pain that he had to live in day and the night that he had to live in through this marriage that God had him enter into, but because he loved the Lord and he was faithful. He did it and through that, god transformed his heart into truly loving her. It's actually a beautiful story and it's about God's heart, after his people, that we can turn away from him every single day, and yet he still pursues us with love and he wants to be in that covenant relationship with us.
Speaker 1:And so, nicole, wow, when I think about just pieces of the story that you shared with me and I'm going to let you share what you would like to share with our listeners today but you truly have the heart of Hosea, you have the heart of the Father. Where you can look at people and you can truly believe that belief. You can see the best in them. Where you can look at people and you can truly believe that belief. You can see the best in them and you can believe that they're going to transform to who God created them to be. So you live it out in your personal life and you let people you know really invite you into their space so you can help them do it as well. So, if you wouldn't mind just sharing a little bit of your journey with your husband and how it connects to you know the story of Hosea that we find in the Bible.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so it's not necessarily a calling that I desired. I mean, I remember being a young woman and talking to people about you know potentially, you know who my partner might be in the future, and I always said, oh, I'll never marry somebody who's divorced because, you know, in my, in my immaturity, I would the my, my thought was my arrogance. Maybe I thought, well, they're all messed up by somebody else, so I don't, I don't want to.
Speaker 2:You know, I don't want to go there, right, I want somebody who's never been married before. And uh, god has a sense of humor because he brought to me a man that has been married multiple times and divorced multiple times. And uh, and yet, when we met, um, I first of all I was not really looking for anybody at that point. I had been single and I was, you know, 35 years old and just really focused on my career and rebuilding and all of that, and so actually, when I met him the first time, I didn't even realize that there was anything there, and he stayed in touch for about three years and then we reconnected. I was 38 and we're having this conversation and it was just like all of a sudden, everything clicked and I'm like what did you say?
Speaker 2:And what did you say and what Like it? Just it happened so fast and we ended up getting married very quickly. He's an American. I was at that time living in Canada. Now I live down in the U? S and just became an American citizen. But I was living in Canada and so we're talking on the phone and it, just like I said, it just clicked and so I ended up coming down here and we ended up getting married and I thought I had married the love of my life and I thought this is amazing. He is so attentive and present and understands personal development and business and all the things. And we just, you know, just thought it was amazing and it was until it wasn't. And there was.
Speaker 2:He came to Canada with me and we started to have some challenges and he started to check out and the old patterns started to surface and I was like God, I've done, you know everything quote unquote right, you know, I'm trying to do the right thing. I haven't done anything right. I've made a lot of mistakes in my life, but I felt like I was trying to do the right thing. Right, I'm trying to love the Lord, follow in his ways. And why me? Why this? You know, after all that my family had been through I had a bunch of health issues, overcame that. Here I am, you know, and and I'm just like God, I'm trying to do the right thing here, and I thought I heard, I thought I heard you say yes, like I thought this was the guy you know, and even the night before we got married because it was so quick I was like, lord, you know, if this is not the right person, just tell me and I'll just I'll walk away. And I just felt such a peace in that moment that I was like I knew God was with me. And so here we are.
Speaker 2:Now, though, it's like seven, eight, nine months later, and he's starting to distance himself. He actually went back to California sooner than I was still getting things wrapped up back in Canada, and then, at one point, he actually sent me a text and he said I'm sorry, a text message. It was an email. And he said it's done, I'm sorry, it's over. And I'm like this is an email. I'm like, dude, we are not dating, we are married. Where are you at?
Speaker 2:Like you're going to send me an email to tell me it's over. And so I was prepared, I had packed everything up and I was getting ready to fly to California and he tells me like, don't come. And I'm like what? And so, anyway, I waited a day. My mother, in her wisdom, said you might want to wait a day, and so I did. And then I, the following day, flew out to California and found him at his work. And you know just, I just said to him. I said, like this is not okay, this is not how this goes right. We don't just give up like that. And and so he said, okay, I'll try. And I've never been a good, you know, I've never been a big fan of that word try, because it's, you know, I think of Tony.
Speaker 2:Robbins who says you know, either try, you do it or you don't. What is it, yoda, do or do not. There is no try and so, but that was the most I was gonna get from him. So we, we started to try. He tried, and about a year later so I came down here 2011. And a year later, I had a franchise at the time, which was Crazy Town, and I ended up walking away from that franchise because the system was dysfunctional, and that was June of 2012. And a month later, I filed my application for permanent residency and I said are we in this? And he said yes. And a month later, he said my application for permanent residency and I said are we in this? And he said yes.
Speaker 2:And a month later, he said I changed my mind, I don't want to be married, and I almost lost it, so continued to fight for our marriage. First of all, he was putting it on me that it was, you know, some wrong with me, and so I went through that whole self-acceptance, lack of self-acceptance discovering that I didn't love myself and really, god healed my heart and use that time to help me to recognize how much he loves me, how much I need to lean on him for my value and and who I am, my worth and uh, and for me to learn to love myself. And over the next couple of years, we ended up moving into a place where we were living separately in separate rooms and under the same roof, and he ultimately moved out. And during that time he was unfaithful and he was lying about it. I knew it because I also am very discerning of a prophetic gift, and so I, uh, I would confront him and it just went. It went downhill and it was worse and worse and I kept trying to do everything I could to uh to resolve it and it just wasn't gonna, it just wasn't working.
Speaker 2:And at some point long story, sorry, I'm making it this, don't make it longer, but shorter um is that before he had moved out, I remember being at the beach and it was like, um, it was Malibu and I'm sitting in the car and I was there for like seven hours and I was like God, show me what to do. I mean, show me what I'm supposed to do in this situation. He's jamming up against all my values. Like I didn't get married young, I waited to get the find the right person, cause I want to be married for life.
Speaker 2:And here we are, and then he's lying and he's cheating and he's pushing me away, and and I and dawned on me that he was trying to be unlovable. He literally did before we got married. I said there's two things that I do not accept lying and cheating. Everything else I can work through a lot of tough stuff, but those two things, no bueno, and those are the two, very those are the two things that he did. And I was like what?
Speaker 2:So he was jamming up against my values and at some point I realized that he was also jamming up against his own, because deep down inside, he didn't love himself and because he didn't love himself, he couldn't possibly allow me to love him. And so he was pushing me away and he was trying to be unlovable. And it wasn't conscious, it was unconscious, right, but he was trying to be unlovable. And I'm like God, what do I do? And so I'm at the beach, I'm there, it's like seven hours, I don't hear anything, and finally it's starting to get dark, and so I I start packing up, and I had my journal there and I was waiting to hear from him so I could write it down. And and uh, and all of a sudden, he starts to speak to me, and the essence of what he said was I wrote pages and the essence of it.
Speaker 2:What is what he said is love your husband. And I'm like how do I do that? And he said love your husband. I'm like, okay, so I go back home and I'm like I love you, right, I believe in you. That made it worse. He was like I don't love you. I don't understand why you would love somebody who doesn't love you and will never love you. And he was not. He's not a, he's not a yeller and he's not somebody who would be like you know, verbally abusing me or calling me names or whatever. He was critical. He's an engineer type, right, so he's critical, but and judgmental he was, but it wasn't like he was you know foul language or anything like that, but he was just like I will never love you. And and then so he moves out.
Speaker 2:And then I said God, what do I do now? I thought that's what you I did, what you told me to do. And here we are and he's with another woman and another woman like what am I supposed to do in this? Right, he doesn't refuse us to talk to me and won't, won't respond to text messages. And God finally says I already told you love your husband. And I'm like how am I supposed to do that? I can't even talk to him. Silence, so in prayer and going like God, what do I do with this situation? I realized that I could pray for him, I could send him love spiritually, and that's what I started to do over the next 18 months. We didn't see each other, we didn't talk. He was totally checked out. I could tell on Facebook he had been with ex-girlfriends and an ex-wife and all that, and I'm just like Lord, have mercy, and what's he doing? And then I got to the point where I just kept sending him love, blessing him, wishing the best for him, and I got to the point where I realized this wasn't an exercise in me trying to get him back. This was healing my heart and helping me, teaching me how to love big, to love and to forgive, even getting to the point where I realized there's nothing to forgive because of the blessing that was birthed out of it. At that point I realized, wow, this was the lesson, this was what this was about. This wasn't about him, this was about I mean, it was, but it's about me, right, and my relationship with him and how much he loves me. At one point I remember saying God, like you know, he's committing adultery, or I think this is actually the second time. So we actually fast forward. So we went, so I'll come back to that in a second.
Speaker 2:He, at some point it was like two and a half years since he had been gone and I was like you know what? I need to move out of this place. We were in LA, or I was in LA at that time and I was like I need to move. I need to move somewhere else, like change the scenery. And so I contacted him, hoping that he would check his message and respond. So I sent him a text message and I said, look, if this is the path you want to take and you don't want to be married, then fine, let's just get a divorce. And so that's when we, um, we went to the courthouse, we met up there. I was like, if we're going to do this, let's just do this. And so I went to the courthouse and um met up with him there. And it was funny because he actually showed up and he gave me this warm hug and I was like, wow, that's interesting. But I was like, let's just continue, let's get it. You know, get it done. And so we did.
Speaker 2:And then afterwards we sat in the garage and talked for a few minutes and he was very chatty. It was unusual for him and he said I hope you can forgive me one day. And I said, dude, I've already forgiven you. I've already forgiven you. In fact, there is nothing more for me to forgive you for. In fact, I thank you for this opportunity because of what it has allowed me. God used it for me to learn so much about myself and about him and just to love, to love um, deeper. And so he says, wow, you're amazing. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, let's be clear, this is God's love in, in through me, because, honestly, I'd strangle you. But, um, god is gracious.
Speaker 2:And so, anyway, through the next number of days, he started to rethink it and, uh, the process was started with the divorce. But he came back to me and he said you know what? I'd like to give it another try, because I realized I might've been really stupid. And you know, I, I realize that that you're pretty amazing and I want to be with you, right? So I'm like, well, that's, that's really great, it's a nice revelation. But, and appreciate that, but what has let's talk about? About this, because I don't want to just jump back in right, I'm not going through this merry-go-round again. And so over the next number of months, we talked and got it all on the table. There was nothing off the table. I asked him for the details and I wanted to understand and help have him understand why this happened, like what, for him to recognize why he did certain things and that caused him to do that, so we could protect ourselves in the future. And we ended up getting back together and that was amazing.
Speaker 2:Until it wasn't, next year came around. My dad had passed away the year before suddenly, and then my mom passes away in 2018. And when I went to her funeral or to go home and deal with that and wrap things up, I just felt those old feelings. Something was off. He wasn't with me, but I just felt like something intuitively was off. We couldn't connect me, but I just felt like something intuitively was off. We couldn't connect on the phone and whatever.
Speaker 2:And so I came back to San Diego and I was like what's going on? And he's like nothing. And I went nope, something's going on. Anyway, it turns out he had been unfaithful again while I was away and in the meantime also, he had dismissed the divorce papers the day that he had dropped me off at the airport, but a week later he's in bed with somebody right. And so I'm like what is going on? What are we doing here? And I didn't know this. But a couple of weeks later, the paperwork for the dismissed or divorce was returned with an error a clerical error on it or whatever some typo and he took that as a sign and he finalized our divorce instead of resubmitting the same paperwork. And so it was about a month later.
Speaker 2:After that I was like where are we at, talk to me, like what's going on? And he started to check out again and I had said to him look, if you want to get some help for this professional support, I'll support you through that, but this, this isn't going to work unless we do something about this. And uh, and that's when he told me that we were actually divorced already. He'd already finalized it and didn't tell me at that point. Um, he said something to me. He said you know what you deserve better. And I said you know, you're right, I do, and so do you. And in fact I said to him I said do you know what you deserve? And he kind of leaned back in his chair. He was sitting in his chair in his office and he you know our office and he leaned back and he was just like bracing himself and I said you deserve to be loved.
Speaker 1:So powerful.
Speaker 2:And yet it seemed I had to understand, I had to respect his decisions, right, his actions. I still loved him. The difference the second time around was that the second time around it didn't shake me in my worthiness. I was disappointed, but I wasn't shaken because of where I was standing with the Lord. And so I said I love you and I believe in you. And he said to me he goes oh, you believe in my potential. I said I love you and I believe in you. And he said to me he goes, oh, you believe in my potential. I said, no, I see you as God sees you. That's what I believe in. Yeah, it's your potential, but it's who I see you to be. Anyway, I said but I also have to respect your decisions and so if this is the path you want to take, then I'm going to.
Speaker 2:So when I moved out, and he was actually surprised that I moved out and I'm like well, you just divorced me, what do you want me to do? So there was, like this conflict I say that because and I know I'm drawing out this story but this conflict in him, but there's so much there, right, which hopefully somebody who's listening will encourage them. But anyway, I went on this journey with the Lord and he just said come away with me. I went on this journey with the Lord and he just said come away with me. I just lost my father, my mother, my husband, my home and my business had fallen apart because I just there's just a lot going on. Personally, I just didn't have the energy and the emotional capacity to focus on that.
Speaker 2:And so he just said come away with me and rest. And then he said do you trust me? I'm like I rest. And then he said do you trust me? I'm like I trust you. He's like do you trust me? Do you trust me? I'm like I trust you. So I walked that out and over the next three years, just really walking with the Lord, rebuilding my life, coming back, I went to Canada for a little while, came back, knew I needed to be in California and then three years later I get a. I get a Facebook message hey, I'm moving back, cause he had moved up to Oregon and Arizona and wandering around and and uh in different places and stuff, and and um, and he says I'm coming back to San Diego and I'm like good for you, enjoy, right.
Speaker 1:And Nicole, this is Nicole. This is where I want to say don't take the Facebook message. That's like, that's my fleshly reaction when I'm hearing your story and I, I'm sure like listeners are like, oh, he's coming back on the scene again. And if you read the book of Hosea, I'm telling you that's what Hosea walked out. And so go ahead, nicole, keep going.
Speaker 2:So I get the Facebook message and it was early morning and I'm like what, right, and what I told him was good luck with that. But inside I was, I was mad. I was mad. I was like he wasn't just coming back to San Diego, he was coming back to San Diego to work for his former boss, which was best friends, which is my best friend's husband. And I'm like, really, you couldn't find anybody in all of the U? S to hire as your auto, you know automotive tech. You had to hire my ex-husband back. Like now he's going to be back in my space, right. So there was like a lot of emotions, even though I had forgiven him. But I was like I just didn't want to go back into that space, right, and to be confronted with that. It was just like I'm over this, I want to move on. And so, anyway, long story short, kept reaching out and, uh, sending me another facebook. Hey, you know this that I'm like what is he doing? Finally, it was a few months later. I finally said, god, what is this? And I just felt God's peace and I said, like should I respond to him or what do I do this? And so we ended up having a conversation. He wanted to apologize, he wanted to complete, and I said, fine, done. And then we started to talk again and I'm like I can't do this again. Was this the third time around? What am I nuts, right? And I just trusted him Like God, I need you in this moment.
Speaker 2:I had such a strong relationship with the Lord at that point. It was him and I going through life together, right and um, my brother was still there. He's in Canada and he was going through a lot of stuff there, so I was a support for him. I really just it was me and God you know, and I'm like Lord, what is this? And uh, anyway, long story short, so at some point I said to him. I said, look, you know what he was like. Well, maybe we should try again. I said, look, here's the thing we're divorced now. Last time around we were separated. We want to try it again. That's one thing. This time around, we're divorced. The next person that I marry is going to be aligned. I want to be evenly yoked. I want a person. And I showed him my little short list, which is not my perfection list, but it is a list of non-negotiables, and I had it on my wall actually in my room and my in my closet, and I said, look, this is what I'm looking for. I'm not saying you need to change, I'm just saying this is what I am looking for.
Speaker 2:And that person loves the Lord, because I've tried it, I've tried it, we've tried it. You know he grew up in a Christian home but it kind of strayed away and he's an intellect, so you know he's got all the logical reasons why the Bible is not and all the things whatever. But I was like searching right, constantly. He was searching and so I just said this is is what I'm looking for.
Speaker 2:And one of the things that he had done in that journey was he had gotten to the point or that three years he'd gotten to the point where he loved himself, which was great and that is that's important. But it's not just the love that we have for ourself, it's the love that god has for us is so much, even like beyond. That is so much more important. And he hadn't quite got to that point yet and I was like I'm so glad that you love yourself, I'm so glad that you have accepted everything that you are and everything that you're not beautiful. I need a guy who loves the Lord and who walks with him. I want a three cord strand. That's what's going to make a marriage work.
Speaker 2:And so, anyway, um, at some point in in that, I was like, look, you don't need to change, I'm not saying, I'm just telling you that this is why you know, uh, where I'm at. And so he asked to come to church. He came to our sir I've you know. I was like, I don't know, do I want him to come to our church? It's a small church, um, but he came and, uh, he heard the message from our pastor and he turned to me in the service, like it was a couple minutes in, and he goes this is different.
Speaker 2:And I said I know Cause you say churches like this and churches like that. He grew up in a hypocritical church and they say one thing and do another and all this stuff and um, and very small town, oppressed religious church and he goes. This is different and I said yeah, it is, it got his attention.
Speaker 3:He came for me, he stayed for him and so he stayed he dedicated his life to the lord he got baptized, he got in a men's group.
Speaker 2:He's serving he's actually serves in security. Now he heads up the team. We do facilities together and cover that team. It's been amazing and yeah, and he asked me to remarry him and so we ended up getting remarried in May of 2022. So it's been almost two years it's so good. And to your point. I had a lot of people that said to me in some form or other are you nuts Like? Either you are a masochist and you're just this is three, I said to him.
Speaker 3:I said, look, it's, either this is three, three times the charm, or three strikes you're out. I'm not sure, but the but. I said, the time will tell, but but I have to believe that transformation is.
Speaker 2:I know God is in the business of transforming lives. Be transformed by the renewing of your mind. God can change somebody's heart. I can't change somebody's heart. God can change somebody's heart. I can't change somebody's heart. Nobody can change somebody's heart. God can change, just like in the story of Hosea with his wife is God can change somebody's heart to soften their heart.
Speaker 2:And for him, for my husband, it's really becoming who he's a. He's a kind, sweet, sensitive, gentle man. He's like a gentle giant. He's six foot three. Doesn't raise his voice. He has, actually, he doesn't even realize it, boy, he didn't. He does now.
Speaker 2:He didn't even realize that he had the spirit of the Lord in him, but he didn't really recognize it because there were signs. I could see it, I could see the potential in what God was doing in his life and that's why I, that's why I, I just I was like trusting God. I'm like, okay, now there was a point, even as we were leading up to the, to the wedding, and I was like like, what happens if right, what happens if this happens again? And it was like can I trust my heart with him? And it was like God saying can you trust your heart with me so powerful. It's not about him. It's about him, but it's not about him. Can you trust your heart is safe with me, no matter what happens, and from that place I can move into a marriage with somebody with a history like that and believe and trust. And there has been times where I've been triggered since getting remarried and you know, in the last couple of years I have been triggered at certain times and I've had to bring that to him and bring that to, most importantly, to the Lord, and be like God. Help me to heal those parts of my heart that are still wounded Um, so that I don't bring the past into the present and into the future and God just continues to remind me.
Speaker 2:This is why the Bible says you don't trust in man. I'm not saying I don't trust him. What I'm saying is you don't trust it. You trust in me and I know everything. I'm beginning from the beginning to the end. I know it. I'm the alpha and the omega. I know all, I see all. Trust in me. Amen.
Speaker 2:If there's something that you need to see, I'll show it, but don't go looking around looking for it, because all you're doing is you're trying to be God and you're trying to protect yourself from getting hurt again and in the process, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, right? So it's been a journey of trust in God and experiencing the peace of God, knowing that he's got me and he's got both of us. And, of course, I pray over our marriage, I pray over my husband, we pray together every night and you know, I just I'm declaring peace and I'm declaring that we are safe under the shelter of his wings, right? So, anyway, but yeah, transformation is um, is not something that you can teach and or coach about from a position of theory. You kind of got to walk through, you got to get it. I mean, I, you got to get it and you got to get it.
Speaker 1:Amen.
Speaker 1:And you know, gosh, I just love the notion that you lead with you're in the business of transformation and you gotta you gotta be the change, you gotta believe in the change and the fact that you get your strength and source of uh just wisdom and knowledge that the transformation can happen from the Lord.
Speaker 1:Uh, that's the source of everything, and so I just thank you. I mean, wow, just to to be so transparent, authentic, vulnerable, willing to share your story. There's so many people out there Maybe they don't have the exact story that you have, where we marry our husband and then we get the opportunity to remarry him again and go through the hardships, but every marriage has pain and hurt and it's called life on this side of heaven. And so I know without a shadow of a doubt that your authenticity and vulnerability in your story of redeeming love uh is just an inspiration to all those who are listening, and I hope the listeners uh share it so other people can also be inspired and to really understand where does the source of change come from? It comes from him above, and I want the whole world to connect with you.
Speaker 2:Can I say one more thing on?
Speaker 1:that yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 2:Can I just say one more thing on that Is that this idea of soulmates is a popular one that you know. This idea of soulmates is a popular one that people talk about finding my soulmate, you know, and my husband at one point said I thought it was supposed to flow, it was supposed to be easy. You know, everything's supposed to be smooth and I'm like, oh, it takes work, Anything takes work, Right.
Speaker 2:And I saw it in my parents, saw it in my brother's marriage, seen it in many others. It takes intention work, not in a hard, negative way, but in an intention about building something, anything of value. You know, it takes work and it occurred to me at some point that I realized this whole idea of soulmate is that with, with calvin. You know, we actually sometimes, I guess, soulmates bring out the best in you. Right, that's the idea. Right, they bring out the best in each other. But sometimes they got to bring out the worst in each other to bring it to the surface so that God can do his healing work. Work.
Speaker 2:Calvin brought out the worst in me, in my own lack of self-acceptance, self-loathing, self-hatred, judgment, criticism, and I brought the worst out in him so that part could be healed in him. Now we're not perfect, but if we actually recognize that that's what's happening, it's not that, oh, you know what. Maybe I made the mistake, maybe we shouldn't be in this marriage, this person, I should go find somebody else. What if we actually looked at it like, wow, you know what this person is helping to bring something, it's a gift. That's why I say there was nothing to forgive him for, it was a gift. I'm grateful, thank you. Thank you for this experience, the total reframe on it, because of how God that's really. It's like God. What was meant for our harm, god turned for our good. Joseph reframed it and said thank you for doing that, because if you hadn't sold me into slavery, I wouldn't be here, I wouldn't be able to save our family and save all these other families.
Speaker 1:And he also says what's in the dark, bring to light so it can be dealt with. And so many times we just want to push it down, we don't want to deal with it, we want to ignore it, and that very thing is allowing the enemy to take the territory. And so let it come into the light and deal with it, and God will turn it into good, amen. Well, nicole, I just thank you so much for your time today. You're such a blessing, certainly to me and I know all the listeners. I've gotten so much out of this. I've been married for a little over 20 years and all your nuggets of wisdom are just going to it's literally seeds into a fertile ground of my heart. I hope it's fertile anyway. That's going to just bear fruit for the Lord in my marriage. And I know so many and I want so many people to connect with you, and so you can find Nicole at leadersoftransformationcom. There's just a tremendous amount of information out there that she has available, that you can connect and learn more about her work and how she can even help you on your journey. So with that, I'm going to pray us out, okay. So, heavenly Father, thank you so much for this time that you've given us today. I just thank you for your testimony in the life of Nicole. I just thank you for her marriage to Calvin in the life of Nicole, I just thank you for her marriage to Calvin and I thank you that it's just a living, breathing testimony of the power of your redemptive love, that when we truly fix our eyes on you, anything is possible.
Speaker 1:Lord, I just thank you for every listener and I just ask that, as we leave this time together, that you continue to protect and guide each and every one of us and just continue to reveal our way. Lord, we love you. We do this for your glory and your honor. In the name of Jesus, we pray Amen. Thank you for joining us on this episode of Grow, where God reveals our way. We hope you found inspiration, wisdom and encouragement as we continue on this faith-filled journey together. We invite you to subscribe to Grow so you never miss an episode. Stay tuned for more biblical teachings, heartfelt testimonies and insights that will nourish your spirit and deepen your relationship with God. We appreciate your support and participation in this podcast. Until next time, may you grow in faith, love and knowledge of his divine plan. May God bless you abundantly.
