Navigating the Tides of Modern Masculinity: A Dialogue on Identity, Fatherhood, and Traditional Values

Have you ever felt the weight of being a man in today's rapidly changing world? Join me and men's coach Nico Lagan as we tackle the complexities of modern masculinity, shedding light on the struggle of reconciling traditional values with contemporary societal expectations. We wade through discussions on stoicism, the contentious idea of toxic masculinity, and how these concepts are reshaping men's identities. Nico's transformative journey from a troubled past to guiding others towards purpose serves as a beacon for those navigating the choppy waters of self-discovery and growth.

Fatherhood, or the lack thereof, casts a long shadow over the lives of many men. In this heartfelt segment, we don't shy away from the tough questions, probing into the effects of absent fathers and the emotional voids they leave behind. From my own story of growing up without a father to the broader societal consequences of paternal absence, we examine the critical role of both parents in nurturing emotional intelligence. We emphasize that through love and accountability, life's hurdles can not only be overcome but can pave the way for a legacy of strength and vulnerability.

As we wrap up, we hone in on the essence of what it takes to be a complete modern man. The conversation spans the importance of virtues like faith and courage, the life-altering impact of self-improvement activities such as martial arts, and the enduring relevance of traditional masculinity. We dissect the intrinsic qualities of a man as a protector and provider and lay out the essential virtues that carve out a meaningful existence. Thank you for joining the Revolutionary Man podcast, and remember—we're not just talking about change; we're embodying it, one man at a time.

Key moments in this episode:
03:12 Niko Lagan's Transformation: From Darkness to Light
20:33 The Power of Accountability and Purpose in Manhood
26:08 Exploring the Five Virtues of a Good Man
31:16 Navigating Life's Challenges with Determination
31:31 The Transformation Journey: From Corporate to Creator
32:56 Mastering Your Body to Master Your Mind
36:02 Becoming a Protector: The Essence of Masculinity
38:03 The Role of a Provider: Beyond Financial Stability
41:37 Temperance and Emotional Control: The Internal Battle
45:58 Exploring Faith and Its Place in Modern Masculinity
50:29 The Impact of Mentorship and Personal Accountability

How to reach Nico:
🕸 http://nicolagan.com/
📺 https://www.youtube.com/@nicolagan
FB https://www.facebook.com/realnicolagan
IG https://www.instagram.com/realnicolagan/
X https://twitter.com/BAndrewsJWilson
TikTok:

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

You know, if you're a man based deep in morals and traditional ideas of what masculinity looks like and feels like, and it's expressed like, then you're facing some pretty troubling times.

Speaker 1: 0:09

Right now, the feminist movement has been taken over by the ideology that men are no longer needed or even useful.

Speaker 1: 0:15

Couple that with the situation of some believing that being stoic and not engaging in household chores are signs of toxic masculinity, and it's not a wonder men today are having a trouble understanding of where they stand as men.

Speaker 1: 0:29

Well, no longer is that going to be the case, because today my guest is not going to hold any punches back here as we talk about what the really means to be a man today and we get the straight goods from from him today, and before we get in a lot, I just want you to know that being, as I just said, being a man today has never been more challenging, and so the pain for some of us is very real. Some of us feel how this pain is of loneliness and of unworthiness, and it's mass because we have anger and resentment, all because we're uncertain and afraid to take that next step. So if you're tired and fed up with where your life is at, then I'm going to encourage you to start your hero's quest, where you can become more, accomplish more and live more than ever before. So go to membersnet and start your quest today, and with that, let's get on with today's episode.

Speaker 2: 1:17

The average man today is sleepwalking through life, many never reaching their true potential, let alone ever crossing the finish line to living a purposeful life. Yet the hunger still exists, albeit buried amidst his cluttered mind, misguided beliefs and values that no longer serve him. It's time to align yourself for greatness. It's time to become a revolutionary man. Stay strong, my brother.

Speaker 1: 1:47

Welcome everyone to the Revolutionary man Podcast. I'm the founder of the Awakened man Movement and your host, Alan DeMonso. Before we get started, let me ask you a couple of questions. Would you consider yourself to be oriented towards a more traditional masculinity, and is there anything you would like to change or improve upon with who you are today? You know, listen, good men are needed today more than ever, and the challenge is that we thought of as being manly. Manly manliness is no longer accepted by mainstream media, corporate culture and sections of society, so what do we do about that? Well, today we're going to explore these questions and so much more about men, culture, society and where we are today, where we're headed and what we need to do about that. And so allow me to introduce my guest. He's been featured on Times Square.

Speaker 1: 2:34

Nico Lagan is an entrepreneur, a men's coach and the host of the controversial podcast, the Nico Lagan Show show. Growing up, nico didn't have a masculine figure in his life and so, without guidance, he associated with and idolized the wrong men. Before making this shift to who he is now, he lived the life of an addict and a drug dealer and, after spending more than a decade on the wrong path, working nine to five, he decided that he didn't love what he looked at, what he was looking at, and then looked to move towards doing something much different so he could find the fight within himself lead men to find the same version for themselves. Welcome to the show, nico. How are things brother?

Speaker 3: 3:14

Hi, what's going on? Man, we're good. I'm not in Canada, so we're good.

Speaker 1: 3:20

So we're good. That's right. Listen, as you know, nico, here at this podcast we always start off with talking about your own personal hero's quest or your journey, and so, while I revealed a little bit about some of your past, just tell us a bit more about a time when you had a crisis in faith. You know that time when you knew things had to change. What did you do about that, and how that experience shaped you into the man today you are today and the work that you're doing.

Speaker 3: 3:45

Man. The first time was when I was 20. Like my dad left I was 14. Within a year, I was doing drugs. I was dropping out of school. I was selling drugs. I was I didn't care. All I was is idolizing the wrong people. Like you said at the beginning, it didn't take long and I stayed on that path for a good six years, seven years, and you know, I remember being in my. I left my, I left my mother. I was 17 years old so by the time it was 2021,.

Speaker 3: 4:19

I'd been living by myself for a while now, and I remember being sitting on the floor of my apartment. I was getting evicted. My stuff is all in boxes and you know, you hear about that in stories, you hear about that in movies, where somebody faces a crossroad. I had an opportunity to go deeper down the rabbit hole. I I was looking at a promotion. I had been working for some guys that were taking me off the streets, if you will, and putting me into a production type of I'm air quoting as in a job, but I was being able to produce the content instead of selling it, and you know I was sitting there contemplating what I was doing, but I was getting evicted. So I needed a span of time between the two. I was literally looking at becoming homeless and the phone rang. My mother was on the phone.

Speaker 3: 5:16

I never had the best of relationships with my, the best of relationship with my mother, but you know, we were on talking terms. She was always she's aware, she was aware of what I was doing and she just asked me a simple question are you happy? And you know, sometimes, when not sometimes, pain and suffering are the greatest of teachers, but it takes a certain amount of pain in order to start listening. We don't change because everything goes well. We change because we are in a situation where continuing to do the same thing is no longer an option. It doesn't make sense to continue doing what we're doing because it's not getting better, it's only getting worse. And this is the first time I actually looked at myself in the mirror, if you will, to just say are you happy? It's a simple question.

Speaker 3: 6:04

I became a philosopher over the years, so I look back 21 years ago and I'm like, wow, are you happy? Can you ask a more simple question than are you happy? It's three words, but it was. You know, it was asked in a way where it wasn't confrontational. It wasn't in a way she wasn't. She wasn't judging me. It wasn't in a way she wasn't judging me. She was just asking me a question. And it's interesting because my mother and I and to this day we have a very confrontational type of relationship. We don't believe in the same thing. We're very, very different. So it's surprising that she approached it that way, because that was out of character for her.

Speaker 3: 6:41

But you know, I don't believe in coincidences. I am a follower Like I'm a. I don't believe in coincidences. I am a follower like I'm a. I'm a christian, I believe in god. To me, god spoke to my mother. I'd like she spoke to me through my mother, and that was the first time that I really had to answer that question. And you know that same day, after having the conversation because my mother continued by saying this are you happy? If you're not, I can offer you a roof. I can't pay for anything. You're going to have to work, you're going to have to go back to school, you're going to have to do something, but I can provide you a roof over your head If you want to change your life I moved back that night.

Speaker 3: 7:23

That night I moved back to my mother's place and that single decision that I took more than 20 years ago completely, completely changed my mind. Like it completely changed the type of person that I am. And like, within the span of two to three years, I was like, give me a few months, I was drug free. I wasn't drinking anymore, I wasn't smoking. I cut off all of my friends that ever had to do with who I was hanging out. Until that day, within two and a half years, I had a high school diploma. I had a college degree. I had discovered the gym. I had discovered martial art, the gym, I had discovered martial art.

Speaker 3: 8:07

It's absolutely brilliant when, the day you take accountability, look at yourself in the mirror and say you know what, bro, you're not a good person, you're an asshole. You've done a lot of bad things. You've hurt a lot of people. You know when you're forced or you force yourself to admit what you are. And at that time, what was I? I was a drug addict. I was an alcoholic. I was a drug dealer. I was a thief. I had stolen from people that I loved just to support my habit. I was a thug. I did not care about anybody else than me. I was selfish. I could not think of. Like. Looking back, I cannot think of anything positive that I had to offer my loved one society. Like, whatever name it, I was not a good person.

Speaker 1: 8:54

That's incredible. And he called. I listened to that. They tell that story and I just was taking lots of notes and you'll see I'll do that through the list interview and and it's very interesting, it's always interesting for me to hear the side of an addict. I'm a father of a son who's an addict. He still continues to struggle with that addiction and making a good, healthy life choices. And when you said that your mom asked you the question, are you happy? It's a question I have yet to ask him and to your point, so simple three words to do it with love and compassion without judgment.

Speaker 3: 9:30

That's the key.

Speaker 1: 9:31

Really can make a profound change. You know, hopefully for him, but it's. We have a similar relationship in terms of very it's very contentious with us, yeah, and, and I wish it wasn't, but it's just the way it is. And so thank you for sharing that question, cause it really that really hits home for me as a like I said as a father to to look at that, because it now it also says that maybe he didn't know and maybe you felt this way too during your your during that time of of you know that darker time of your life where maybe you felt that nobody cared about you either. And you know that darker time of your life where maybe you felt that nobody cared about you either and that you had to do all this is the way you had to survive, and then you had to live that you had to make these hard choices until someone reached out and said that they do care for you, even though today the relationship isn't where you want it to be. And does that make sense to you?

Speaker 3: 10:20

It makes sense to me in a few things. So first off, I would say that you know, if you look at my behavior, my father was never present when I was younger. Like I've pondered this question, I love to think about philosophy, I'm a big fan of theology. I love philosophy, I love psychology and to me, I always think in that way, that's the trifecta of all my ideas, and I always wonder what's worse having a father that is absent or having a father that's not present? And I got to have both when I was younger. My father was always on the road, he was military, he was never around and one day he disappeared. So I got to experience both.

Speaker 3: 11:03

But I don't know what's worse, because one of the things that we don't talk about enough in society today is that men always look for other men. They're always looking to find somebody they can mold themselves after that, they can look up to, that they can surround themselves with, and we do it instinctively, like it's not something that we're necessarily aware of. And god knows, at 14 years old, what the hell did I know about what a man was. I wasn't a man myself. In my head I knew everything. I had nothing to learn. I was the man, but what did I know? Looking back, what the fuck did I know about being a, about being a man, truthfully and so I was a big fan of rap. And back then it wasn't like the sorry for the word, but the massive pussies you see today calling rap. It was the gangsters from we're talking the Nas, we're talking the Wu-Tang, we're talking Mobb Deep, we're talking Tupac, we're talking the original guys. So to me, those guys were idols of mine. They come from absolutely dirt, poor conditions. They sold drugs. All they do is talk about drugs, sell drugs, sleep with women, have nice cars. They have money. When I was 14 years old, that was my dream right there. So that's the first thing, right, it's really.

Speaker 3: 12:21

Our association with what we believe to be good is extremely skewed today, and although that what we're talking about is 26 years, 27 years ago, it's only gotten worse. Norm, and today I I'm just a statistic like it more than they. They estimate between 33 to 40 percent of young men right now, or boys, are raised without their fathers in the household. Yep, that's 33 to 40 percent. So minimum a third of boys are growing up without their father in the household, and women cannot teach a boy how to become a man. The same way a man cannot teach his daughter how to become a woman. A woman by herself cannot teach a boy how to become a man. And I'm the proof. I am the proof. How can you? People don't understand that there are gender roles. Women do things better than men, and there are some things that men do a lot better than women. That's a fucking fact.

Speaker 3: 13:38

And when you look, there's a reason why there's two parents. You're supposed to have a masculine person and a feminine person, because they have different things to teach their kids, especially when it comes to sons. And how can you expect a single mother to try to do both? What do you think happened? None of it is done properly.

Speaker 3: 14:00

So not only did I not have a father figure, I did not have somebody to teach me what it was to become a man, but my mother did not teach me emotional intelligence. She did not teach me what it was to be a loving mother, because this is what mothers teach their son. Our mothers are our first love. Yes, the first feminine love that you have is your mother. Yes, the first feminine love that you have is your mother. It will dictate the rest of your life when it comes to how your relationship works with anybody that you choose to build a life with.

Speaker 3: 14:35

And my mother was not a very touchy-feely type of woman, and you see it in my sister and I. I've been working on it. I'm very happy that my girlfriend is very understanding and she knows where I come from. But this is something that I will have to deal for the rest of my life. It's always going to be something. I'm very aware of it. I have to deal with it. That's my responsibility to make it better. But I see it in my sister too, like she is colder when it comes, she's not touchy-feely and she doesn't want to have kids. It's very strange, right, but it's not. When you look the way we were raised, psychologically speaking, it makes 100 sense. So it's very.

Speaker 3: 15:18

It's very interesting and, in your sense, for for what you were talking about, your son, the only thing I would say is make sure that if you approach that question, it is done from a place of love. If there's one thing my mom did properly that day was that she did not approach me saying you're a this, you're a that, you're a no good, this, you're a no good. That I would have turned off the phone and that would have been it, and I would probably be doing with what everybody that I know from back then are still doing. Like the people that I used to hang out with. They're still stuck in the same city, they still consume all the time, they have little jobs, but it's never developed in anything. They've never pushed the envelope, they've never accomplished anything worth speaking about and I'm not saying this in a bragging way, I'm just saying this as personal development.

Speaker 3: 16:11

Like the better you become as a human being, the better your kids are going to be. Like this is a gift that keeps on giving. If you, if you become a better person, you become selfless, you become part of your community, you become a role player, you become a leader. You teach that to your kids, your kids teach that to their kids. This is something that's always giving. You're making something out of yourself in order to give it back to your family, to give it back to the people around you, and it's sad because I should not be the exception. I should be the norm.

Speaker 1: 16:48

Yes, absolutely A hundred percent. You know you made a couple of comments there and you're talking about the rate of, of fatherlessness, homes, and you know, not only you know everything you said there is absolutely a hundred percent true and I agree with. But it also part of the reason why that's the highest. They have the highest crime rate as well. Coming out of that right, the. Those are the kids that are spending the time kids, I'm saying, but that'd be in their twenties in prison and it's because they don't have the role model, they haven't learned what that role model looks like.

Speaker 1: 17:16

And then the other point that you talked about was really this this your mother being the first love in it, and it's so true when you think about how we, our relationship, was formed and shaped. It's with that mom, and if we haven't learned how to to decouple that from her, then we struggle in our relationships as men. We struggle because we repeat the same relationship and we don't understand. Or she supplements you as that, as that male or masculine figure, right, and so that's that's, that's a, that's a challenge for us as men. And so we we get miss misconstrued ideas about what it means to be in in an intimate relationship and be in relationship.

Speaker 3: 17:59

And you see it all the time. You see it, you're, you're bang on, you're absolutely bang on, you see it all the time that single mothers treat their sons like it is a male partner of theirs and don't want to let them go. It is brutal. Like I'm a I'm a big fan of psychology and this is going to sound weird what I'm going to say, but I'm fascinated by serial killers, by the psychology behind them, and if you look at literally all serial killers out there had a really messed up relationship with their mothers. It's very, very interesting that most, if not all, of them had a really messed up relationship with their mothers. It's very, very it's. It's not a coincidence, like you were starting about. You were starting to talk about the statistics when it comes to boys, what happens to them later in life, when they they were raised without their fathers. It goes even further than that. Like. These are the numbers that we don't understand half of the marriages right now end up in divorce. 90 of the time women get the children. 90 of the marriages right now end up in divorce. 90% of the time women get the children. 90% of the time, and the facts are in. This has been happening for so long that they can prove it.

Speaker 3: 19:14

Women raising kids. They have an extremely high rate of runaway kids. 90% to 95% of homelessness come from a bro, from being raised by a, from a family that was raised by a single mother. They're more likely to be in prison, to be drug addict, to be depressed, to be alcoholic name it. They have higher chances. And if you really want to piss off women, tell them that the 10% of men that raise their children by themselves create better human beings. That they do. And again, those are the fact. Yeah, because men put the discipline, men will be rough with their children. Are those kids gonna miss out on the emotional portion? I'm ready to bet that yes, but academically, like when you talk about schooling, when you talk about the type of humans that will be participating in society, they do great things. It's very interesting, but that we never hear about that. We never hear about that at all. We never talk about the fact that men do a better job raising kids alone than women do. Yet they do it 90 percent of the time.

Speaker 1: 20:20

Yeah, completely agree with that. I've seen those statistics as well and I totally, totally, totally believe that. You know, in our work here we talk a lot about being, you know, really being able to work and live, have purposeful action or live with purpose. So why do you're finding in your work that men are struggling with finding purpose?

Speaker 3: 20:39

you know, one thing I say all the time is a man without purpose, like the life of a man without purpose is meaningless, like this is one thing I'll say right now. I do not believe in depression. I don't believe that men are depressed. I believe that men lack purpose. Have you ever heard of somebody that's depressed that had purpose? Never. Have you ever heard of somebody that has purpose that's depressed? Never. It does not happen. It is simply we've shifted the responsibility to society. Oh, I'm depressed because society is bad. No, guess what, if your life sucks, it's your fault. Be accountable for your actions. It is your fault. You have the power to mess up your life, like you have the power to make it better. That's on you, 100% on you. And accountability is everything when it starts to it. That's the game changer. That is the game changer right there.

Speaker 1: 21:37

Absolutely. We always say that when you're ready I know when men are ready and will be successful in our programs when they're ready to take responsibility for where they are. When men are ready and will be successful in our programs when they're ready to take responsibility for where they are, that means all the decisions you've made, everything that's happened from yesterday backwards. Take responsibility for where you are right now. Take responsibility for who you are, because you're the one who made all those choices. And then who? Who are you aspiring to become? What is it that you really? Who are you going to become? And I asked him to complete the sentence.

Speaker 1: 22:03

I'm the kind of man who and then, whatever that, whatever they finish that with, how are you going to live? That should dictate your action on a day-to-day, moment by moment basis. Does this put me in alignment with that or does this take me out of it? And when we don't? When they don't do, that is when I find that guys struggle with the program and then, generally speaking, they don't last long and then, and then they're off to do, to do their own thing, because, guess what, it's easier just to not face the dragon, as as jordan peterson would say. Instead it just I'll just suffer in my own, in my own pity, in my own wallow.

Speaker 1: 22:35

And and it's a it's unfortunate, but it's just the choice that some men make but it always starts there.

Speaker 3: 22:40

Like you know, you can break down any single problem in society to a lack of accountability. Name me a problem, I will show you why that's happening. And it's because somebody somewhere did not want to do their job, or somebody somewhere that says not my problem, somebody else's problem. And there you go, absolutely.

Speaker 3: 22:59

So, that's where it starts. There's a reason why you look at N, you look at aas, you look at any addiction recovery program. The first step is always to admit that there's a problem. Yeah, and you know what. The second, what, what comes right after you admit that there's a problem, you realize that, yeah, you're the fucking problem. This kind of goes hand to hand yeah, there, yeah, I, I am an addict. Oh shit, I am an addict. Yeah, I am an addict. Oh, so that means I'm the problem.

Speaker 3: 23:30

Well, yeah yeah, that's exactly what it means. Yeah, but it all starts there, right? If you know, people ask me this question all the time oh man, what does it take to be a good man? What? How do they find purpose? You guys are looking way too far down the road. Start here. Let's break it back. We're talking about step 10 here. Let's break it down to minus one.

Speaker 3: 23:52

Are you ready to admit that you're the problem? Yeah, yeah, that's it. And this is the biggest step, because the day that you admit that you're the problem, when I looked at myself in the mirror when I was 20 or 21 years old and I said you know what? I'm not a good person. I'm not a good person this is where my life changed, and it's always been evolving and evolving, and evolving and evolving. Because you know what I'm not saying. I don't make mistakes, because, god knows, I make mistakes and I'll continue making mistakes for the rest of my life.

Speaker 3: 24:25

But the point in the matter is that if there is an issue in my life, I know who to blame, and it's me. I don't look for other people to fix my problem. I don't blame other peoples for my problem. I will blame myself, but that's reclaiming my power. Yes, but that's the first step and it is the hardest step, right? Yeah, it is the hardest step to admit that we're the problem, because that means that you suck, that means that you're probably not a good person, that means that you probably hurt a lot of people in your life. Yes, and you know what? The next few months, the next few years, are going to suck even more. It's not that hard to be an asshole when you're oblivious, when you're trying to be good and you realize all the stupid things that you've done to people and you probably need to apologize and you need to face them with a completely new optic on the type of person that you were. Yeah, you think your life sucks right now.

Speaker 1: 25:21

Wait, it's going to get worse before it gets better, brother, yeah, Especially in the beginning, as you're learning and you're becoming more aware and wanting to change, right where you would like to be that asshole. And then you realize that, oh, I can't tell them what I, what I really want. So I got to find, you know, take, take my responsibility for it, and then do I, can I? So I got to find you know, take, take my responsibility for it and then do it. Can I say it in a way that that doesn't totally destroy everything? And it's and it's a, and it takes time to figure out where you stand. You're going to make mistakes, you just have to move. I know there's a saying that you know. It says if you're not cheating, you're not trying. I like to say if you're not failing, you're not trying.

Speaker 1: 25:57

If you haven't made a mistake in a day. You didn't do anything, you didn't challenge yourself, and so we need to do that Now. I like that. You talked about being a you know, really enjoying philosophy and theology and all that, and I noticed you came up with this five virtues of a good man. I was hoping you'd be able to share those with us today and how you came up with that concept.

Speaker 3: 26:17

I'm a big fan of Stoicism. Like I'm a big fan of stoicism, I will start by saying that I did not invent this. I repack talk about one because I think it was implied. One of them was really really implied, so they never talked about it because they could have never imagined that we'd live in society, that we would be arguing about what a woman and a man is. So, you know, I had to repackage something to make a bit more sense of it. But the five virtues of a good man are courage, being a protector, being a provider, having temperance and having faith. And I think the one that they did not have, not per se, is the protector part. Like 2,000 years ago, greeks were not arguing that men were supposed to protect their families, like this was not something that we had to speak about. But unfortunately in the world today, today, men are fucking pussies. Men are so selfless they don't even stand up for others.

Speaker 3: 27:29

Did you hear about the kid that just died? That died last week? He got jumped by 15 people in vegas. No, they were somewhere in nevada. So there's, there's this guy, there's 17 year old boy, he's near the high school. And there's this guy, there's a 17-year-old boy, he's near the high school and there's a mob of teenagers that are bullying one of his friends Like they just dumped him in a dumpster and they stole stuff from him and the kids stand up to his friend and there's a video online like I made a video on it too, but there's a video online that shows him getting beat up by 15 guys Like they're literally soccer kicking him and either way they put him into a coma. He was driven to the hospital and then he died about a week 10 days, later. But this is the society that we live in now. So we have a bunch of bullies, which are actual cowards that are taking. They're attacking a young man because they know he's defenseless and he won't stand up for himself, and when somebody stands up to him, instead of backing him up, people took their cell phones out and started recording, like just in the video. There's a video running and I showed, I took a picture of the video and I was pointing at it. There's somebody else recording it, so there's at least two different people that could have helped that guy. It's absolutely horrendous what happened. I'm very curious to see what's going to go on, like what's going to happen to those kids.

Speaker 3: 28:56

But just to say that this is the world we live in now. Like we, men don't want to stand up for the people in need because they feel that it's not their responsibility. But at the same time you kind of touched on it at the beginning where men are taken for granted, men are not respected, women believe that men are not needed anymore. Not respected, Women believe that men are not needed anymore. So I don't want to say that I understand, but I understand. I understand why men today are like you know what? Those women not going to help them. It's not my problem. They wanted to be feminist. They wanted to be to believe that men were useless, men are toxic. Let's let them live in their crap. But that is such a weak mentality. You know, at the same time, that I do understand. I, I feel you, I feel why guys are like this.

Speaker 3: 29:54

But that doesn't mean that you're right. This taking the high, like taking the higher path, being the, the change, as Gandhi said. Be the change you want to see in the world, be the leader that will inspire others. So this is why my five virtues courage pretty self-explanatory. It starts there. If you want to be able to do something, you must have balls, you must be ready to do what needs to get done when it needs to get done. That doesn't necessarily mean that you need to be a police officer, you need to be a fireman, ready to jump into a fire, but standing up for your belief. You know, and Canada is the perfect place right now.

Speaker 3: 30:36

Like Canada during the restrictions, I'm not vaccinated. My girlfriend and I, we refused to do it and we were part of the 5% to 10% of people that did not get vaccinated. That meant I couldn't teach martial arts anymore, I couldn't go to the gym anymore, I couldn't go to restaurants, I couldn't go to the movie theaters, I couldn't go anywhere, I couldn't even leave the country. But this is courage. I stood up for myself and I said you know what? I can't force I cannot. I will not force others to take decisions for me. You can back me up in a corner if you want, but you're not going to like the solution because I'm not. I'm not going to do what you think I should do.

Speaker 3: 31:16

But it's interesting because those whole restrictions made me go live by myself in the middle of the woods for two and a half years. The first year and a half I was by myself, but then my girlfriend joined me and then I've been on the road now exploring the US for 13 months. I was a sales engineer, very high paying job that I was in the corporate world forever. That's the reason why I don't work there anymore. It's because they put me in a corner. That's why I started creating content. That's why I started my first podcast three and a half years ago.

Speaker 3: 31:47

It all came from that. And why did I do it? Because I had the balls to believe that what I was doing was right. Yeah, that I would not. I refuse to live on my knees. I refuse to do it. So this is important, but it's as simple as standing up for your rights, as doing the right thing, even if nobody believes that it is the right thing, but you know it to be true, or nobody else wants to do what's right. Be that man, just be that man. Then being a protector sounds like it's self-explanatory, but it's not, because one of the things that I did with the virtues is I'm kind of hiding stuff behind it.

Speaker 3: 32:30

If, if you look at my life, for example, when I was, when I went back to school, I discovered the gym. I'm six foot one, I used to weigh 140 pounds soaking wet. Six foot one I used to weigh 140 pounds soaking wet. Now I walk more around 210 to 15, give or take. But all to say, I was a basketball player. I was a tall, skinny kid and I discovered the gym. It's been 21 years now that I've been hitting the gym five, six times a week, and this is a concept that most people don't understand. But if you want to master your mind, you must first master your body. Your body is a machine. It's just like your car. Like today, most people treat their cars better than they do their own bodies, like most people.

Speaker 3: 33:19

Look at Americans 42% of Americans are obese. 30% of them are overweight. Less than 28% of Americans are in okay shape. We're not talking, like me, that you're hitting the gym six times a week. No, no, no, no, no. We're talking acceptable physical condition. Cardone.

Speaker 3: 33:44

You know, the sales master there did a podcast with one of my friends and he was telling him the guy shredded right. He's like do you have abs? He's like yeah, of course I have abs. What are you talking about? But he looks at him. He's like okay, you have abs. Did you know that one out of ten americans is a millionaire but own, but less than one percent of american have visible abs. It is more than 10 times harder to have visible abs that it is to become a millionaire. Tell me that that makes sense to you, because everybody has the power to be in shape.

Speaker 3: 34:18

You don't even need to go. You don't even need to go to the gym. Just eat right, jog every now and then do a bit of exercise outside. That's all you need. You don't need to go to the gym like me and push weight and want to be muscular. That's just me. That's I love the way I feel right now. That's why I do it. But at the same time, it's so simple.

Speaker 3: 34:37

But you know, what's extraordinary is that stick to it for two months. If I can make you hit the gym and watch what you eat for two months, I'll change your life. It takes 21 days to form a new habit, but let's do it for two months, let's see how you feel after two months. It's visible too. It doesn't lie. You can't take a pill right now. If you take your shirt off and you look in the mirror and you're naked and you're like I don't like it. Well, guess what? That's your fault. Oh, if you like what you see, oh, guess what, that's also your fault. It's extraordinary, but it does not lie. And two months is enough time to make a massive difference on the way that you look. But then you're going to start to realize that you feel so much better yeah, that you're. Finally your engine is running with optimum gas. Before you know it, you start developing discipline. Yeah, before you know it, you start realizing your brain has never been so clear. There's a guy I I did a podcast with a few months ago. He runs a massive program to help men and he's like every single person that I run through this program within a year. If they stick to it within a year, they either got a promotion or they quit their job and they started a new, their own business. It is, and it all starts with the gym, but it's like.

Speaker 3: 36:02

So when I say protector, yes, the goal is to be a protector, to learn how to defend yourself. I was bullied when I was younger. I had a victim mentality until I went back to school. And when I start facing all the crap that I've done in my life, I'm like, okay, I need to deal with this. I can continue to blame others. I can continue to be scared of everything, or I can learn to defend myself Within a few years.

Speaker 3: 36:28

I was not just defending myself, I was in a ring fighting. I became an amateur champion, north American amateur champion in Muay Thai. I had no intentions of doing this, but my coach kind of I don't want to say, push me because you choose to do those things, but let's say challenged me. Yeah, but it makes sense because, as a man, my job is to protect my family. My job is to protect my loved ones. My job is to protect my community. Men are the first and last line of defense, and my girlfriend now, and every single girlfriend that I've had over the past 20 years, you can ask them. One of the reasons they were with me is that they felt safe with me. And as much as feminists will not admit to this today, when shit hits the fan, who do they call A good man with a gun? When shit hits the fan, who do they call A good man with a gun? Just putting it out there. It's true.

Speaker 1: 37:24

It's very true.

Speaker 3: 37:26

But being a protector is so important because men are bigger, we're stronger, we're faster, we have a higher bone density, more muscle fiber, we have a higher pain tolerance. We are meant to protect. And my girlfriend's 110 pounds I'm literally 100 pounds heavier than her. Who's protecting who here? Like seriously, who's protecting who here? So this is why. So you have courage. You have being a protector, but protector has to do with the physical aspect of things, right? Then you have being a provider.

Speaker 3: 38:03

It sounds exactly like it sounds bring money. It's you're responsible for making money. But it's more than just making money, because, yes, you should discover what your natural skills are. It has nothing to do with oh, do you like your job or not? Now screw that noise. Your job is to be able to make money.

Speaker 3: 38:20

Women look for two things. The two main things women look in men are status, which the type of job that you have, how do other people see you and resources money. Those are the two things women look for in a man when it comes to long-term relationships. Women look for in a man when it comes to long-term relationships, instead, you know, young men, instead of focusing on trying to get women become the top 5% earners, the top 5% of men. 95% of women fight for the top 5% of men. Why even worry about it? Just develop your natural skills to make as much money as you can. Women will fight for you. You won't even need to do shit, bro. They're going to fight for you.

Speaker 3: 39:13

So spend your time learning how to fight, how to defend yourself. Treat your body like an engine and develop your mind. Develop your natural skills. Learn how to become better. Learn how to make more money. Make those connections of other people that are like you that are going to drive you to become better. Start your own business when you're young. Figure out how to do it. Become independent when it comes to the way you treat your body, to the way you think, and being a provider goes even further than that. I know you don't like the word that the the safe space expression. I know you don't.

Speaker 3: 39:44

I don't like that safe space, but there's only one time that a safe space is acceptable at home yes and it is your job as a man to make sure that your wife, your girlfriend, your family feels safe, and that means not only protecting them but being able to afford a place, afford a lifestyle that they. You are not in a survival mode yeah, that's you, cause if you're surviving, your brain cannot develop, cannot grow if you're surviving. So the first thing you need to make sure is to not be in a survival mode so that your mind can expand. And, as I was saying earlier, if you're capable of providing a good life to your children, to show them that you're a leader, to show them that you protect them, to show them that you care, to show them that you're there for them, you are teaching those things to your kids and they will teach them to their kids. And you know this goes with also choosing your partner.

Speaker 3: 40:50

Like, don't choose your wife as per what your dick thinks. Don't choose it based on the way she makes you feel about your penis. There, bro, you need to choose your wife with shared values, with common values, deep-rooted values. There's a good reason I don't have kids right now because I didn't know my girlfriend. She's the first woman in my life and I'm 41 years old that I want to have kids with. It's hard and I feel the guys out there that are single wondering like what the hell am I going to do to find a woman?

Speaker 1: 41:23

Yeah.

Speaker 3: 41:23

Don't worry about it. She'll come. Just become top 5% brother and you'll get your pick of them. Absolutely so, courage provider, courage, protection provider, temperance that's the hardest one out there. That, to me, is the hardest one. It's something I'm going to struggle with for the rest of my life. But you know, I called it the monster. I don't remember how Jordan Peterson calls it, but we all have all men out there have a monster inside of them, and this is what toxic masculinity is. Look at the guys today. Look at those school shooters. Those are extremely toxic men that lack masculinity, that let their emotion drive their actions.

Speaker 3: 42:11

Right, you know, right now, we're telling our boys that it's okay to just let our feelings go. No, it's not. It is not. You're supposed to be stoic. You're supposed to be in control of your emotions. You either control your emotions or they control you. That's it. There's no in between. That's it. Those are your options. I'm not saying that you shouldn't be emotional. What I'm saying is you need to know when, where and with who. You need to know when, where and with who. A man is a woman's rock, while a woman is a man's weakness. You want to be emotional? Do it at home, with your kids and your wife. But once you cross that front door, you're supposed to be stoic, you're supposed to take control of your emotions, because if you don't, that means you're easily controllable.

Speaker 3: 43:05

If I can, you know, I was watching a video when I was writing my first book. There's a video I even talk about it in my book and the guy is saying they're in interview, they're like a podcast, like you and I, and it's like you would make a comment about my wife, and the guy just like no, you can't talk about my wife. And he kind of loses his shit. And then there's the guy that posted the video is like I fully understand what that guy's talking about. If I was in his place I would have done the same thing. And I'm sitting there. I'm like, okay, cool, I have 21 years of martial art.

Speaker 3: 43:37

I don't like you all. I all. I know all that. I know that I can do to you because I don't like you. I don't want to punch you first, so I'm gonna make you punch me because you're so easily controllable. You're gonna punch me that I'm gonna destroy you. Yeah, this is this. Is what it means. That means that whenever somebody wants to fuck with, you could be your boss, could be somebody at work, could be somebody in traffic, could be anywhere as soon as somebody is aware that your mind is weak, you're controllable 100 that's why meditation is everything.

Speaker 3: 44:14

Martial art and meditation changed my life, not only on the learning how to fight part, but get getting control of your mind, understanding what it is to be able to be relaxed, to live in the present moment. I'm a you know. My dog is just next to me and there's a reason why I like dogs because dogs are, they live in the present. They're very self-aware. All they think about is what's going on right now. I could beat the hell of that dog. 10 minutes from now She'll come back to me like nothing happened because she only thinks about the moment right now. And I'm not saying that's what we do. That's not what I'm saying at all. All I'm saying is the past is the past and the future is uncertain, so they don't even look there. That's why dogs are my favorite animals, for that reason.

Speaker 3: 45:04

But this is what temperance is all about is to learn how. What does it feel like to be normal when you're at peace with yourself, when everything is going well? How does it feel? Live in that moment through meditation, so that when you start, when you're in a situation where you're losing your cool, you're like okay, hold on. What the hell's going on? Step back from here. Okay, hold on. What's going on here? Why? Why is this happening? And this is it. Because, at the end of the day, you control three things. You control your emotions, your actions and your reactions. That's it. That's all you got. All the rest doesn't belong to you, but those three things, they belong to you and you control them. So learn to control them. A lot easier said than done. Granted, I will struggle with this the rest of my life.

Speaker 3: 45:53

This is the hardest thing to learn is temperance and then faith. To me, faith is not the last, because it's the least important. Faith is the last because it wraps everything together. I had a conversation a few weeks ago because I've been puzzling this. I'm writing my second book right now on the five virtues of a good man, and you know I've been. I've been debating which one comes first, courage or faith. I was talking to to my preacher and I'm like so which one comes first, courage or faith? And he's like man, that's a good question. I don't know. Even him didn't know. So I think courage comes first because in today's world, if you want to have faith, if you want to believe in God, you got to be courageous, because most people don't anymore Right, at least in North America, that is.

Speaker 1: 46:43

Well, I was going to say there's a lot of pretend. There's a lot of pretend Christians.

Speaker 2: 46:48

Yeah, what's?

Speaker 1: 46:49

they have faith, but they don't have the courage to stand up and do something about it.

Speaker 3: 46:54

You know, I recorded a podcast Well, not a podcast but more of an interview last week with a pastor and I asked him 25 questions. I have about 150 questions that I want to ask and my goal is kind of to bring people, to bring men that have questions, that they know something's missing in their life Because I wasn't raised. I'm in the South right now. I'm in the deep South, like I'm in Alabama. Everybody's a Christian here, but I don't come from a place like that. Like prior to a year ago, I had been to church maybe five times in my life. I was baptized as a child, baptized as a Catholic, but my family never went to church, never went to church. And this is what's interesting is there are a lot of casual Christians like very casual. They go there on Sunday. They will live their life like anybody else, go on Sunday, thinking that that takes away everything they've done during that day and gives them enough to go through the next week and then on sunday it's again. So there's a lot of casual like compared to authentic christian, as they call them. But this is how I like to break it down, because I know men today, and especially with what's going on today, men that were not raised with faith, that were not raised with certain moral values that the bible can teach. You have questions? There's something, there's somebody. Last week he's like I started posting about a lot more about my faith. I started recording some, a lot of interviews with that pastor. I was saying and I'm going to release. I released my first video today and I'll keep on releasing and releasing, and releasing. But there's a lot of men that have questions and I want to be an enabler. I just want to be a bridge to say you have questions, maybe you should check over there. And the way I like to explain faith is simple. To me there's three types of faith. And just for the sake of argument, we'll replace faith by the word belief, because faith has a religious connotation. Like everybody hears faith automatically, they think religion. In my case it is. But it doesn't need to be so if we replace faith by belief.

Speaker 3: 49:12

In order to achieve self-confidence, you first must believe in yourself. You must believe that you can achieve whatever you put your mind to. If you want to build a relationship with someone it doesn't matter that it's a friend or it's a partner you must first believe that they are the person they say they are. And then, if you want to find purpose, you must first believe that you were put on this earth for a reason, that somebody or something put you here intentionally, and now you change that by faith. In order to build self-confidenceconfidence, you must have faith in yourself. If you want to build a new relationship with someone, you must have faith in them. If you want to, first, if you want to find purpose, you must have faith that you have a reason to be here. So those are the five virtues of a good man. I would say he's a fastly explain, although I've been babbling for 20 minutes.

Speaker 1: 50:21

But I was outstanding, nico. Actually I was just fantastic. I love that. Lots of great notes there. You know all the through your journey, Bob, I'll make a big assumption here that you had one or two mentors that really had a profound impact on shaping you and getting you to where you are today. What was the best piece of advice that you were given by them, and how did it serve you?

Speaker 3: 50:45

You know, contrary to what you might believe, I don't have one single person that you know. My mother remarried eventually, like just a few years after my dad left. She found somebody else, but it was too late. I wasn't, listening, like I was lost already. I didn't care, but in my 20s and in my 30s he was. He was a great man. That being said, he's not even today. I would like he's dead now. He died of cancer years ago. But I would love to have a conversation with him today as the man I am today, because I don't think we would agree with a lot of things like I think I'm, I'm, I'm too traditional masculinity for him and although he was military, I don't think that he was. You know, maybe I shouldn't say that because I don't know, but that's my impression. But all to say that you know, what changed me is I've had one to probably four or five guys in my life that really changed the way that I. That I think. But it was never somebody that came up to me and say you should do this, somebody that came up to me and say you should do this. They were always people that believed in me, that saw something in me that I did not know was there Like the first guy that gave me a chance to get out the call center after I I?

Speaker 3: 52:09

Um, when I went back to college, I first started answering call for, you know, rogers home internet. I used to pick up the. I used to do call center for their residential customers. So I used to do tech support. That's what I was doing after college. Within 10 years I went from being answering the phone to being a sales engineer wearing a suit, selling million dollar contracts. This is the span of like eight years. But that's because there's one guy that took me out of the call center, that gave me a job in a network operation center where I was configuring high-end equipment. And then there's somebody that looked at me and was like, hey, you should have a suit. You're very technical but you're good to speak to people, so let's go. But did they tell me something? No, they just gave me a chance and because I had courage, I just said you know what? Let's do it, love it.

Speaker 3: 53:03

If you look at my best friend, same age as me he's like a year younger than me, but about seven years ago he gave. He asked me to read the alchemist from polo coelho, my favorite book to this time. I read this book once a year, always learn something new. I just finished it a couple of weeks ago, but since then I've man, I must have read 300 books maybe Now. I average a book every two weeks, give or take Once a week. Once every two weeks, it's just now.

Speaker 3: 53:32

My books are study like they're study manual almost. I'm highlighting everything, taking notes. All my content starts shifting. I start adding new things into it.

Speaker 3: 53:44

But this is one of my best friend is ex-lawyer. That comes from nothing, comes from parents, immigrants that were super poor. Now it's probably worth 20, 30 mil. All self-made, all just brilliant, brilliant men. 60 met him on a diving trip in belize. We were diving. He was on the same boat as me and my ex. Back then we hit it off.

Speaker 3: 54:06

I'm the I'm literally I could be his son. Age-wise he's like 26 years, like older than me, but he's just a brilliant, brilliant man. But I don't have one specific person that is telling. That's told me something. Just, I see good men, I'm attracted to them and I just spend enough time with them. It just, you know, some people are good at seeing something in other people.

Speaker 3: 54:34

If you look at great coaches. I'm such a fan of sports, such a fan, especially martial art, but one of the reasons why is you know, look at a good martial art coach. He will use the fact that you're passionate about the same thing as him. Like you, both are passionate about martial art. Is he really? Is he teaching you martial art? Yeah, absolutely. But what is he really teaching you Life lessons? Martial art? Yeah, absolutely. But what is he really teaching you Life lessons? If he's a good coach, he is teaching you about life through a shared passion.

Speaker 3: 55:04

And this is why, you know, single women have approached me after they hear me talk, the way I talk, and they're like what can I do? I don't have a good man in my son's life. I don't know who to look for and I'm like you know, it's simple. You don't need it to be a partner. It could be a friend, it could be an uncle, it could be a grandfather. If that's not possible, find him a martial arts gym. You don't know where to start. Tell me where you live, I'll find you somebody. I know people around the world. We but put your son in martial arts, even if the father is still there. Put your son in martial arts. Your son needs to know how to defend themselves so they can defend their families later on. But martial arts forged me as a man If it wasn't for that. Yes, going back to my mom changed everything, but what really changed everything is when I stepped into that martial arts gym. This is what changed my whole life.

Speaker 1: 55:55

Yeah, absolutely. You know what I really like about your answer. There is that, and here's the. Here's the best, here's the best piece of advice that that all distill from what you just said for our listeners, and that is is that in life we're going to have people that I would call advocates. Just be awake enough, unconscious enough, to recognize when someone is pulling you out, suggesting that you do something, because they see something in you as, as you alluded to, that you don't see yet you. It's a latent gift within us, and when we listen to that and we take that call on and move forward, look what happens to our lives. Our lives transform, and so I'll take that lesson. Is that that best piece of advice is to is to look, is that there will be moments that you will have an advocate. Lean into that and and do and do them right by actually following what they have to say.

Speaker 3: 56:49

Be coachable.

Speaker 1: 56:50

Yeah, a hundred percent, and so my closing question for you today, nico, is, of everything that we spoke about maybe there was something we didn't get a chance to touch on what would be your one takeaway for our listeners?

Speaker 3: 57:01

Just be accountable, start there. Like I was saying earlier, I took you over a path of 21 years within the span of an hour. It's 21 years, bro. That's a long, freaking time and it's only getting better. It's not years, bro, that's a long, freaking time, and it's only getting better. It's not getting easier, it's getting harder, because the path to greatness is a lonely one. But it all started the day I looked at myself in the mirror. If right now, you're not hitting the gym four or five times a week, you're not careful about what you eat. Go, take a good look in the mirror and tell yourself, ask yourself, are you happy? Because it starts there? It really is that simple. Look in the mirror. Are you happy? Because if you're not hitting the gym, I guarantee you you're not. I can guarantee you that if you're not hitting the gym, there's no way you're happy. I don't believe you. Show me somebody that's not hitting the gym that says he's happy. I'm going to show you a liar.

Speaker 3: 58:00

Yeah so this is where it starts. Take control of your, your physique.

Speaker 1: 58:05

Love that. Well, I just want to say once again, brother, thank you so much for being on the show today, and really you showed us that traditional masculinity is still alive and needed and required in life today, especially today, and so the more that we stand up and live virtuous lives and the better it will be for all. And so if men are interested in getting ahold of you and participating in your work, nico, what's the best way for them to do that?

Speaker 3: 58:29

Nicolagancom. All my stuff's there.

Speaker 1: 58:33

I'm going to make sure that's in there as well as all your social feeds, and people can creep you on the net and get a chance to participate with your work, argue with me or call me names.

Speaker 3: 58:43

That's okay too.

Speaker 1: 58:43

Whatever they need to do.

Speaker 3: 58:44

Yeah, all good.

Speaker 1: 58:46

Thank you so much, my friend, for being on the show.

Speaker 3: 58:49

Yeah, thanks for your time, man.

Speaker 2: 58:58

Thank you for listening to the Revolutionary man podcast. Are you ready to own your destiny, to become more the man you are destined to be? Join the brotherhood that is the Awakened man at theawakendmannet and start forging a new destiny today.