Part 3 Men's Mental Health - Rules for Thriving Under Pressure

What if facing life's toughest challenges could actually make you stronger and more successful? Welcome to part three of our special series on men's mental health, where we reveal the secrets to building resilience and mastering healthy coping mechanisms. Drawing inspiration from Carol Dweck's groundbreaking work on the growth mindset, we discuss how transforming adversity into opportunities for growth can lead to mental well-being and success. Hear personal stories and practical strategies that will inspire you to push beyond your comfort zone and embark on your own hero's quest.

This episode also features the inspiring journey of David, a high-powered attorney who transformed his life by embracing resilience and a growth mindset. Learn how the seven C's of building resilience—Competence, Confidence, Connection, Character, Contribution, Coping, and Control—can be integrated into your daily routine to enhance your overall well-being. Discover actionable tips for maintaining a positive outlook, practising mindfulness, and fostering strong relationships, all while balancing high-pressure professional roles. Don’t miss this insightful discussion filled with powerful stories and strategies to help you thrive in today’s demanding world.

Key moments in this episode:
02:46 The Importance of a Growth Mindset 
06:49 Practical Strategies for Building Resilience
14:20 David's Story: A Real-Life Example of Resilience
17:36 The Resilience Toolkit: Seven Principles
21:30 Conclusion and Next Steps

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Well, hello and welcome to part three, where we're going to continue exploring this special four-part series on men's mental health. And so, in our last episode, we discussed how to recognize and manage anxiety and depression, and today we're going to shift our focus to talk about something that's equally important, and that's about building resilience and developing a healthy coping mechanisms. For us, resilience is the ability for us to bounce back from adversity, our ability to adapt, and it's to keep going in the face of challenges. And so, for men who feel that we are in high-pressure situations or roles, that developing resilience and healthy coping mechanisms is crucial for us in managing our stress and maintaining our overall mental well-being. And so, in this episode, we're going to explore what resilience is, how you can build it, and share some practical strategies and tips for developing healthy coping mechanisms so you can thrive and survive in today's world.

Speaker 1: 1:00

Now, before we get into all that, we know that being a man today has never been more challenging, and so the pain we feel is real. It's a pain of loneliness and it's a pain of unworthiness, and it's masked by our anger and our resentment, and it's all because we are uncertain and afraid to take that next step. And so if you're tired and fed up with where your life is at, I'm going to encourage you to start your hero's quest. It's where you can become more, accomplish more and live more than ever before. Just go to membersawakenmannet and start your quest today. With that, let's get on with today's episode.

Speaker 2: 1:37

The average man today is sleepwalking through life, many never reaching their true potential, let alone ever crossing the finish line to living a purposeful life. Yet the hunger still exists, albeit buried amidst his cluttered mind, misguided beliefs and values that no longer serve him. It's time to align yourself for greatness. It's time to become a revolutionary man. Stay strong, my brother.

Speaker 1: 2:06

Welcome everyone to the Revolutionary man Podcast. I'm the founder of the Awakened man Movement and your host, alan DuMont, so let me ask you a couple of questions to get you thinking about mental health and resilience. First, how do you typically respond to stress? Do you have strategies that help you bounce back from difficult situations? Because when you really reflect on your current coping mechanisms, it can help you identify areas where you might need improvement. Here's my next question what healthy habits have you developed to manage your stress and maintain your health? Consider the practices that you've found most effective and how might you enhance them.

Speaker 1: 2:46

You know, as we dive into understanding what resilience is all about, we realize that it is the ability for us to adapt to adversity. We talked about being able to bounce back from our experience and just keep on going, and it's also not about avoiding stress, but rather it's about how do we manage it effectively, because resilience is truly like a muscle, and the more that we get to use it, the stronger it's going to become. You know what I really appreciate Carol Dweck's work, especially in her book, her bestseller Grit, where she shows us the power of resilience, as she highlights the importance of developing a growth mindset. So what's a growth mindset? Growth mindset is the belief that the abilities and intelligence can be developed through dedication and through hard work, and so this mindset fosters resilience, because it encourages us to view challenges as opportunities for growth, rather than seeing them as these insurmountable obstacles. And so what I really appreciate about her work is that it's led her to finding out a few things about how to build grit, resilience, as we're talking about today, and the first thing I've already mentioned she's talked about embracing challenges and that she's discovered is that when people have a growth mindset, we can see those challenges as an opportunity for us to learn and to grow, and they're more likely to persist even in the face of difficulties.

Speaker 1: 4:15

So think back of those times when you first encountered difficulties in your life. Maybe it's learning a new skill or starting to play a new sport, a sport that you're interested in, and you probably were very uncomfortable because you weren't that good. You know, for me, that shows up almost every time I get on the golf course. It's a sport that I enjoy playing, but I'm not really that good at it. But if I allowed myself, as I did in the early days, to not play because I was concerned about being able to actually do well. Then I wasn't able to really just challenge and stretch myself, and so we have to also learn to grow from hearing criticism. You know my wife is a pretty excellent golfer. You know, in the double digits, just barely a 10 or 12 handicap. And so when we first started playing, you know she tried to help me, to teach me how to play better and, you know, get the right swing, the right stance and all that. But it was tough to hear that criticism. The constructive feedback can be seen as a tool if I'm willing to see it and if you're willing to see it as well, and so we need to look at this criticism, no matter how it's delivered, as an opportunity for us to improve something, versus making it as a personal attack. And so this openness allows us to build resilience, believe it or not.

Speaker 1: 5:32

The other piece that Carol talks about is this effort as a path to mastery, and I'm a big fan of this, because we recognize the path to success is more crucial than us actually achieving the success. It's because it builds that muscle of persistence and resilience. So it's not about immediate success, but rather it's about that continuous improvement, it's the journey, it's taking that first step and then the next, and then the next. Then the other piece Carol talks about is celebrating others' success. You know, we can find ourselves in situations where we become judgmental of somebody else's success, where we don't put a shine of light on it, instead we try to downplay it. But instead we do that because we feel that we're being threatened. And threatened by somebody else's achievements really just shows a lack of growth mindset for us. We're really stuck in a fixed mindset and so be inspired, be inspired by others, be inspired by the people around you that are doing well, and it gives us an opportunity to see if there's a way that we can learn and grow from them. So it really helps us foster the supportive environment and again, when you have in that environment, that's where resilience can truly thrive.

Speaker 1: 6:49

What are some key points as we're thinking about resilience here today? Resilience is really dynamic in its nature because it's not fixed straight. It can vary over time and across many different situations. Think about it Now that you've had some mastery in a skill set, when there's a hard times in there, you're probably more likely to dive into it and go through that hard work. Why? Because you know you've done it before and you've seen some success, and so resilience is really pliable. It really changes as we learn new skills and we develop ourselves, and so taking that growth mindset the areas of how you lean into things, that you have some skills and applying it to areas where your skill set might not be as great, gives us that opportunity to really evolve and change as men. Also. A learnable skill, right Resilience can be developed and we've been talking about that already so much today is that it's a learned skill and it gets strengthened and we get stronger with it, especially when we have intention behind pushing through the challenges, and so it's not something that any of us are born with or without, but it is something that we can develop. We need to also consider that this is really a holistic approach, because building resilience involves not just mental and emotional, but it also involves our physical well-being and social well-being, so it's truly a comprehensive approach to dealing with our life's challenges.

Speaker 1: 8:19

So why am I spending so much time in this episode about resilience? Well, resilience, building resilience, is truly an important factor into our success that we have in life, no matter how you define that. It's a way for us to deal with stress management. It's the resilience and the individuals are better at managing our stress, aren't we? And we're less likely to experience severe mental issues like anxiety, depression, stuff we talked about in the previous episode. And so when we are in those pressure cooker situations, we can deal with them more effectively because we've developed some coping mechanisms. Also important because it helps us build our adaptability muscles, because really resilience allows us to adapt to and change much more easily because we have some experience underneath our belt. We have built a bit of some smaller wins for us to be able to show that we can actually make it through.

Speaker 1: 9:14

And so, whether we're talking about a major life event or just a daily stressor that comes across our lives, building resilience helps us adjust our mindset and our approach to dealing with those things. Believe it or not, building your resilience also helps you improve your relationships, because resilient people often have better relationships, because we communicate more effectively, we manage our conflicts well and we provide support to others. And so being able to be in conflict and knowing that you can work through it, versus not really addressing the challenges that are in our relationships, gives us more stress than we realize. And, of course, it enhances our well-being because overall resilience contributes to better mental health, emotional and physical health as well, so it allows us to maintain a much more positive outlook and coping mechanism when life gives us those ups and downs, as we know we're going to get. So how do we go about building resilience? And really I've embedded that so far throughout this episode, but let's talk specifically to a few of them.

Speaker 1: 10:20

Developing a growth mindset Right off the bat here we talked about Carol's work in GRID, so what is she talking about again there? The reminder is for us to embrace challenges and view them as opportunities to learn and grow, and then understand that effort and persistence are key to developing these new skills and overcoming our obstacles. Positive mindset when we cultivate a positive mindset by focusing on our strengths and accomplishments, life is much better. And so practice gratitude by acknowledging what you're thankful for each day. This simple act, I guarantee you, will shift your focus from what's not working and what's wrong to what's actually going right in your life.

Speaker 1: 11:02

Of course we've been talking throughout this series is to have a healthy lifestyle. Maintaining a balanced diet, getting regular exercise, ensuring you're adept, you have adequate sleep these are important characteristics for any mental health piece. Anything through these last three episodes, and so you're going to hear us talking and continue to talk about that, because our physical health truly directly impacts our mental resilience and so if we're tired and we're out of shape, we have to consider that we need to do something about that. I'm not suggesting they need to go out and and try to achieve an olympic status, but I am suggesting that just a little bit of exercise each week, little by little, we have opportunity to improve and lower that stress in our life. Mindfulness and meditation it's so important today that we get out of our busy minds and slow them down, because incorporating a mindfulness practice really helps our daily routines to bring us back into the present. Most of the time, our thoughts are either in the future, worried about things that are going to happen, or stuck in the past, thinking about the things that did happen, and when we recognize that if we stay in the present, we have much more control over how our life is going to be.

Speaker 1: 12:14

I've already touched on also about building strong relationships. When we can foster supportive relationships with family and friends and colleagues, we can have a much better support system around us for those moments when we're in deep trouble, and we need that support, and so do take time to nurture these relationships and make an effort to connect with others and I'm saying that just as much for myself as I am for you so share in your experiences and listen when others are speaking with you, believe it or not. Another way to help build resilience is truly developing some time management and skills and some goal setting skills, because when we can prioritize and set realistic goals for ourselves and we can avoid feeling this feeling of overwhelm stuff I talked about in the introduction and then when we can break tasks into manageable little pieces, I think you'll find that life isn't so difficult and that elephant we're trying to overcome or trying to build is much easier to deal with. And so use some tools. You know, we took the guys through a book with Nir Eyal on how to do better in time management and really the concept of time boxing, and that book was called Indistractable and I felt it was so powerful for us to learn about different ways to manage the important things that are in our life. And, of course, self-care and relaxation are keys to helping us really engage in our activities that truly bring us joy and relaxation, and so it's about taking time to do the things that are important for you. What is it that gives you the juice of life, what really fills those tanks for you? And that's what we need to find time for, because, generally speaking, as high-powered men, we're so focused on the ultimate goal that we forget about the journey and the other things along the way. So take some breaks and allow yourself to rest right, because if we don't, ultimately we're going to get into points of burnout and really will increase the amount of stress that we're having for our life. You know what?

Speaker 1: 14:20

Let me tell you a little story about my friend, david. He's a high-powered attorney who built a resilience and developed healthy coping mechanisms that was influenced by the concept of having a growth mindset. See, david was always on the go, juggling multiple high-stakes cases, and the pressure was immense, and so initially he coped by guess what Working longer hours, but that only led to him being burnt out. He realized he needed to make a change when his health began to suffer, and so David started by incorporating mindfulness into his daily routine, and he began each day with a short meditation session, which helped him stay focused and calm. He also made time for physical activity, choosing to run in the mornings before work. His routine not only improved his physical health, but it also gave him a mental boost, and so, because he recognized the importance of social connections, david also reached out to his colleagues and his friends and built a support network. He learned to delegate tasks at work. He set some more realistic goals for himself. All of this, of course, improved his work-life balance.

Speaker 1: 15:30

One of the most important changes that I saw in David was him adopting a growth mindset. He began to see that challenges that he was facing were really opportunities for his growth, rather than these insurmountable obstacles, than these insurmountable obstacles. And so when he was faced with a really difficult case, instead of feeling a bit overwhelmed with it, he reminded himself that every challenge is a chance for him to learn and to improve. So David started viewing feedback much differently. Instead of taking this constructive criticism personally, he saw it as a valuable input to help him become a better lawyer. So this shift in perspective reduced his anxiety and made him much more open to seeking advice and, specifically, mentorship. And so David's new approach to effort and persistence also changed, because he understood that putting in effort is crucial for mastering the new skills and achieving long-term success.

Speaker 1: 16:18

And achieving long-term success, and so this realization helped him work more diligently, but also smartly, ensured he maintained a balance that supported his overall well-being. I think that's a really key point to remember. Over time, you know, these changes made a significant difference. So Dave felt his resilience muscle getting stronger, he was better equipped to handle stress, he wasn't lashing out at his partners or at his colleagues, his performance at work improved and he felt happier and more fulfilled because he was able to improve not only his work-life balance but especially his family. And so, by embracing a growth mindset, david learned to bounce back from setbacks and you each experience as a stepping stone to greater resilience. So I highlight David's story because it's a story of resilience and healthy coping mechanisms, and he combined that with using a growth mindset and it really transformed his ability to manage stress and improve his overall mental health.

Speaker 1: 17:20

So I'm going to give you a mental health or I should say a building a resilience toolkit, and this toolkit is an opportunity for you to maybe use some or all of these ideas to help you truly grow that resilience muscle. And so we're going to talk about seven C's to building, or seven principles for building and cultivating resilience, and the first one is competence. I talked about when we're starting to learn a new skill. We're not very competent, but continuously learning and developing a new skill that aligns with our goals and our interests helps us grow as men, and so we need to seek opportunities for growth, whether that's going to be through education, mentorship or pursuing a new hobby. It really helps us grow that resilience muscle Confidence, and we're not always confident when we try a new skill or we're stepping into something that's new and it takes us out of our comfort zone.

Speaker 1: 18:16

And so practicing things like self-affirmation or celebrating your achievements are ways that we can grow on our confidence, and I would suggest that if, when we start to embrace a growth mindset, we can view failures not so much as opportunities, as a failure opportunity, but really as a learning opportunity, so I want you to surround yourself with people who support and uplift you and also encourage you.

Speaker 1: 18:44

Connection, cultivating meaningful relationships and building a strong support network is so key to helping us build resilience, because when the chips are down, we're going to need somebody to answer that call when we reach out. So start by building and fostering open and honest communication, practice active listening skills and offer support when others are needing it. When you engage in these activities, you're going to get a chance to promote a sense of belonging and a community for those that are around. And character you know, reflecting on our, our values. Are we aligning our actions with them? Is our what we say, that we value truly the actions that we're displaying? And so when we embrace integrity and honesty and empathy in our interactions, we truly are living from a centered place, and so I want to emphasize that personal growth and embracing our challenges, the opportunities for us to develop our character, leads me to contribution, because, really, when we are in alignment with who we are, we begin to make a positive impact in other people's lives, and so engaging in acts of kindness and volunteering or supporting other things that are truly important to you For me it's working at a homeless shelter monthly to ensure that the most needy in this city get an opportunity to have a safe place to sleep and some food.

Speaker 1: 20:01

So finding that thing that truly brings you meaning and purpose in your life over the other things that we do on a day-to-day basis. And finally or not quite finally, but we've got coping, and we've been talking about coping all day today and developing healthy coping mechanisms to manage our stress. Just putting some keys we already talked about, so it can include practices like mindfulness and exercise and journaling we didn't touch on too much today or seeking support of trusted friends and professionals are great ways to help us develop some coping mechanisms. And finally, gaining control. We need to be able to identify the aspects of the situation that we're in and what truly is within our control. Is the locus of control internal or is it external? And when we recognize what we are truly in control of, we can let go of everything else.

Speaker 1: 20:54

And when we let go of everything else, we can have a better sense of who we are as individuals. I want to take some time now and think about what do you need in your resilience toolkit? These are just some ideas. Maybe there's other things that you can use. Tailor this however you like. The key is that you need to build something. So there's listen.

Speaker 1: 21:13

There's lots of different ways you can get resources to help you build resilience and develop healthy coping mechanisms, and from therapy to support groups, to online resources, to groups like the Band of Brothers, our group mentoring program, are all important ways that you can take that first step building resiliency. So, as we wrap up today's episode, I want you to remember that building resiliency and developing healthy coping mechanisms is essential for managing stress and maintaining your well-being, and so resilience is not about avoiding difficulties. It's about adapting and growing stronger through them. Start by integrating really small changes in your daily routine. Practice mindfulness, engage in physical activity, develop a growth mindset and build a strong support network, because, over time, these habits will help you become much more resilient and better equipped to handle life's challenges. So don't wait for stress to overwhelm you. Instead, take some proactive steps and build a resilience toolkit. Ensure that you have the resources so you can thrive rather than just survive.

Speaker 2: 22:21

Don't forget to subscribe, leave a review and share this podcast with others who might benefit from it and can find it.

Speaker 2: 22:28

If you're ready to take that next step in your mental health journey, I'm going to encourage you to book a clarity call with me. During this call, we're going to discover your unique challenges. We're going to create a personalized plan to encourage you to book a clarity call with me. During this call, we're going to discover your unique challenges. We're going to create a personalized plan to help you achieve better mental health and overall well-being. Just visit theawakenmannet and click the clarity call to schedule your call today. Your mental health is worth it.

Speaker 2: 22:51

So until next time, take care of yourself and stay strong Until next time.

Speaker 1: 22:56

take care of yourself and stay strong.

Speaker 2: 23:02

Thank you for listening to the Revolutionary man podcast. Are you ready to own your destiny, to become more the man you are destined to be? Join the brotherhood that is the Awakened man at theawakenedmannet and start forging a new destiny today.