Redefining Masculinity through Self-Awareness and Accountability

Ever wondered why so many men mask their feelings of loneliness and unworthiness with anger and resentment? Discover how to break free from these hidden emotions and embark on your hero's quest with transformative insights from Eli Libby and Kyle Nelson. Learn how personal losses and triumphs can shape your path toward a mission-driven life filled with purpose, passion, and accomplishment. Eli and Kyle's stories of resilience and self-awareness will inspire you to take control of your narrative and reach your full potential.

Uncover the power of resilience and accountability in moulding strong character and leadership. Through poignant personal stories, our guests highlight the significance of supporting others and reflecting on life's chapters. From business struggles to profound personal losses, their experiences illustrate that it's not the magnitude of the challenges but our response to them that defines us. With insights into creating a life filled with purpose and passion, this episode urges you to embrace resilience and take responsibility for your journey.

Unlock the secrets of aligning passion, purpose, and profit in your entrepreneurial ventures. Learn about Eli and Kyle's three Ps methodology and their success stories in co-founding businesses. Move beyond the traditional 9-to-5 model to achieve freedom and a balanced lifestyle. By focusing on the foundational pillars of masculinity, self-awareness, and self-discipline, this episode provides actionable advice for both personal growth and business success. Whether you want to start a business or achieve personal development, this episode offers valuable insights to help you find fulfilment.

Key moments in this episode:
03:13 Kyle's Heroic Journey
08:38 Eli's Transformative Experience
14:15 The Importance of Purpose
18:52 Passion, Purpose, and Profit in Startups
23:31 Shifting Life Narratives
27:48 Building Self-Confidence and Discipline
29:46 The Five Pillars of Men's Work
35:28 Self-Care and Breaking Stigmas
45:40 The Importance of Mentors
52:43 Final Thoughts and Contact Information

How to reach Eli and Kyle:
🕸https://peakfulfillmentcoaching.com/ 

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Now, what does it mean to live a life of purpose, passion and accomplishment? Well, that's a big question, and one that gets answered, that presents each individual with their true North Star. Now combine that with a set of guiding principles or pillars and you have the makings of an extraordinary life. So how do you go about defining a life of purpose, passion and accomplishment? What does that look like? Well, today we're going to explore that with my two amazing guests, whose own lives have shifted once they took responsibility for their life's narratives.

Speaker 1: 0:29

Now, before we get into that, we know that being a man today has never been more challenging, and so the pain that we feel is real. It's a pain of loneliness and it's a pain of unworthiness. It's masked by our anger and our resentment, and it's all because we are uncertain and afraid to take that next step. And it's all because we are uncertain and afraid to take that next step. So if you're tired and fed up with where your life is at, then I'm going to encourage you to start your hero's quest. It's where you can become more, accomplish more and live more than ever before. Just go to membersnet and start your quest today, and with that, let's get on with today's episode.

Speaker 2: 1:04

The average man today is sleepwalking through life, many never reaching their true potential, let alone ever crossing the finish line to living a purposeful life. Yet the hunger still exists, albeit buried amidst his cluttered mind, misguided beliefs and values that no longer serve him. It's time to align yourself for greatness. It's time to become a revolutionary man. Stay strong, my brother.

Speaker 1: 1:34

Welcome everyone to the Revolutionary man Podcast. I'm the founder of the Awakened man Movement and your host, alan DeMonso. Do you know what your life purpose is? And if you know that, great. But how do you know when you are on or off? Course, you know, creating a mission-driven life is something we dream about as children, and then when we were asked about what is it that I want to be when I grow up? But then adulthood creeps in and soon we find ourselves caught in the humdrum repetition of daily life. It's our dreams that soon fade away, sometimes all the way to the end of our lives. But it doesn't have to be that way. Life is a set of choices and from the moment that we wake up to the end of the day, we have agency over our lives if we're willing to take a look at them. And today my guests and I explore what agency looks like and how you can do that and start living with passion, purpose and power.

Speaker 1: 2:26

So allow me to introduce my guests. Eli Libby and Kyle Nelson are seasoned entrepreneurs with a rich decade of experience co-founding Peak Fulfillment Men's Coaching, driven by their passion to guide men towards their peak potential, and as Peak Fulfillment coaches, they specialize in empowering to reach unprecedented levels of fulfillment in all aspects of our lives. Drawing from the remarkable journey marked by successful exits and overcoming personal lows, they deeply understand the transformative power of self-awareness and discipline. You know what, gentlemen, I'm looking forward to this conversation. Welcome to the show, kyle and Eli. How are things, brothers?

Speaker 3: 3:03

What's going on? We're excited to be here.

Speaker 4: 3:06

Yeah, alan, this is awesome. Thank you so much for that introduction. Love the show, love what you're doing and excited to be here.

Speaker 1: 3:12

Right on.

Speaker 4: 3:12

Great to hear.

Speaker 1: 3:13

Well, as you know, gentlemen, my opening question for my guests is always about their hero's quest, the things that you've had to work through and overcome, and so I'm going to ask each of you to talk about the time in your life when you knew things had to change, how that shaped you into the man you are today, and the work that you're doing. So, kyle, why don't you start us off?

Speaker 3: 3:36

Absolutely Well. Thanks for having us on. I think there's going to be some great alignment in this conversation that we're going to have.

Speaker 3: 3:40

I think a lot of the same principles that you have is things that we also teach our students and really walk them through to really find that fulfillment in life and reach where they want to be. So my story, my quest in 2018, I lost my home in a very big wildfire in Paradise, california, called the Camp Fire, and it was internationally known. A lot of people know about it. It was the largest catastrophe in 2018. So I lost my home, as well as my wife and my child. I didn't lose them, but our home.

Speaker 3: 4:11

I had a child at the time and my parents. They lost their home and we lost our whole town, and so during that time, that was hard. You know, eli and I, we had our business. It wasn't doing so well as well at that time, and there's a lot that you have to go through when your home burns down and you lose everything that you own. In addition to your parents' home, that has everything that your childhood and that they own, and so you know one of the big words was resilience at the time that if I had to pinpoint what my life was like in that next year would be resilience.

Speaker 3: 4:38

But two days before that fire, me and my wife actually had a miscarriage and during that time, you know we were young, we didn't really know how to cope or mourn the loss of a child, even though it wasn't born, that you still look at your future and you still think of it as a beautiful baby. And so two days later our home burnt down and so we weren't able to process because we were in flight or fight mode at that moment. And so, through that process of being the rock of for my family and my parents and and really being broken down as much as a man really can can be, I mean, we all go through a lot but I was hit with two, two things at once and it was really really difficult. Luckily I had some kind of self-awareness and understanding. You know I had gone to some personal development stuff. I've spoken before at some different events and you know, really read all the stuff the podcast, the books that we all read. But when it actually hits you that hard like just a meteorite hitting the earth and you actually get torn down to really nothing, you're forced, you know, as an innate, quick, natural thing that just comes out, I was forced to just say, hey, this is what I need to do, this is what we the steps that I have to pull my family and make sure we're going into the right direction.

Speaker 3: 6:01

So, through that process from 2018 till now, you know, I learned resilience, I learned self-awareness, how to be self-disciplined and the goals and the milestones that I set for my family that, hey, we need to get into a house as quick as possible. We need to figure out all these different things and so, anyways, going a little bit fast forward, this past summer, me and my wife went through our second miscarriage, and so there was a lot that unfolded because we didn't get to process that first child. And so, with this second miscarriage, I thank God that I went through that process and everything that went through, because I was able to bounce back and be resilient and be self-aware of my thoughts and really how to process quicker and not that you need to process quick with trauma, but being able to get back to where you need to be and not be dragged down right, and not have to go through so much just depression and PTSD and all of those things and get back to homostasis, right, get back to where you need to be, and it was amazing how quickly I went through and processed, so you know, through all of that. At the end of the day, I would really just say you know, understand that, no matter what you go through, right, all you have to do is apply certain tools to really get back to and not get back to where you were, but to grow and to understand and to self-reflect to how to be a stronger man, not just for your family, but just for your community. Be a role model, saying, hey, Kyle went through all that. I'm going through this right now, let me reach out and let me practice the things that he did to move forward.

Speaker 3: 7:45

So it was a crazy journey so far, since just 2018, but I wouldn't be the man that I am today without going through all of that. And that's what really stemmed this personal development and understanding what is my purpose, what's my North Star, like you were saying, what is it? What I found is it's teaching men and helping men when they go through things, or if they don't feel like they know their purpose or not, how can I help them get there. And you know, applying the tools that I naturally just kind of applied myself and teaching them. So that's what Eli and I, you know, have really set out to do, just like you. It's just helping men get to where they want to be. What's their fulfillment looks like? What's their fulfillment look like, and really, what is it that they need in life to feel successful and to feel like? You know, at the end of the day, I left an impact right and I'm happy with what I did with my life.

Speaker 3: 8:28

No matter what age you are, you can make that mindset paradigm shift in your mind to get there.

Speaker 1: 8:35

Yeah, 100%, totally agree with that. What a great story, eli. Your turn. Tell us a little bit about that time in your life when you knew things had to change. How did that define and shape you into the man you are today?

Speaker 4: 8:46

yeah, absolutely. Thanks for asking. A big part of you know, going through life's ups and downs in these valleys, I always just kind of look at it. As you know, we're this big clay mold and every experience that we have kind of chips away and chisels that who we are. So we all kind kind of have these battle wounds that shape who we are. But I think it depends on how you take that battle wound and help influence other people. And that was something that I've learned from a really young age, which is be there to support. I've always been somebody behind and having somebody's back I always put other people ahead of myself. Been somebody you know behind and having somebody's back, I always put other people ahead of myself.

Speaker 4: 9:26

And resilience is something that really hit home back a couple of years back and that was, you know, kyle and I have been together working on businesses, building businesses for the last eight to nine years. We built multiple businesses together. We've kind of grown together not only as kind of best friends but in a partnership in life and being there for each other. And back a couple of years back it was a real. We'd been through some big struggles in the business and I felt like I was getting some chips on my shoulder and I was starting to be shaped as a leader and a co-founder with Kyle, and then went through a really, really rough patch and I, you know, I really do believe in kind of chapters of life and you know what you do and how you reflect and then how you move forward from those times.

Speaker 4: 10:17

A couple of years back I went through in the span of a two-week period we went through I went through a divorce, I went through a loss of my uncle, who was kind of a North Star for me. He really gave me a lot of guidance, he really built a lot of character for me and taught me kind of some really good morals in life. He was a really, really accredited Army veteran. And then, during that two-week period as well, our business came to next to nothing. We had to lay off basically our entire staff within a couple days and to me, my biggest thing about that and that one may have hurt the most because I feel like I'm accountable to people and I always hold accountability as one of the kind of top things that I pride myself in and when I have to let somebody down or let somebody go, that was one of the biggest scars that I've had. So that two-week period for me was this reflection of most people most men, would be derailed at this point. Their life would be down a gutter. They'd be drinking every day. There's suicidal thoughts that could peer into that. So that period for me was let's use this as you are a very well-shaped statue now. What are you going to do with that?

Speaker 4: 11:38

And I set out on this mission with Kyle, which was I want to show people that you can be extremely resilient whatever you're going through. And all of those experiences had an amazing impact on my life. And what I think the the one of the biggest ones is is how I was able to kind of overcome that and now met the absolute woman of my dreams. I mean, she is, she is absolutely everything, and I'm so lucky that that happened.

Speaker 4: 12:06

So my, my mission and the things that I I relate to guys is everything happens for a reason. Follow your purpose, follow your passion and do it on the back of resilience, and that's really what helped me get through that. And I think that is just that's where I am today. Today and that's how I am the kind of leader that I am today and when we talk to our students, those are some of the messages that I bring to them, and it's just a nice awakening, it's a nice breath of fresh air that they can see that light at the end of the tunnel, no matter what they're going through, because there's probably stuff way worse than what I've gone through and way worse than what Kyle's gone through. So I'm, the worst thing that's ever happened to you is the worst thing that's ever happened to you. That's all you know. So we really try to help guys through that and that's really just my guiding light.

Speaker 1: 12:56

Man. I just love that, gentlemen, for what you shared there. I was taking tons of notes all throughout the show today and the two words I wrote down was resilience and accountability, and I think those are key mantras or pillars in our, in our work here at the Awakened man as well, and and what I the other takeaway I get from this is that I think the challenge is for men, it doesn't really matter. The reason why I like to open up the podcast with asking about people's hero's quest is because it doesn't really matter about the magnitude of the challenge. It's about the. It's about the response that we have with it and sometimes, you know, the challenge may not feel as you reflect back on it.

Speaker 1: 13:35

Man, I can't believe that really threw me off, but it was the things that happened prior to that. It's the buildup of stuff, in my experience anyways, that we haven't paid attention to. That. It was the proverbial straw that breaks the camel's back. That totally brings us to our knees. And if we're willing to do the work and we're willing to reflect and take responsibility and you guys talk a lot in your work about life narratives as well about and really understanding what that is then I think we have an opportunity to reshape who we are. It's really about being in that forge and revealing character and then looking at it and saying, you know, I like that part about me and this, but on the other hand, there's this part I just don't care for. And what do I need to do to be better? And so I want to ask both of you about you know, we talked a lot already about purpose what would be your definition? How would you define purpose?

Speaker 4: 14:26

And I wonder if you can start and go with that, Kyle you want to jump in or you want me to go first.

Speaker 3: 14:30

I'll jump in, real quick yeah go for it.

Speaker 3: 14:31

You know purpose for me when I think of you, know what does it. You know, why do we teach men Find your purpose right. Without purpose, you don't know where you're heading, Like, where's your journey going? Where are you unveiling your future life? And you don't really have a destination that you're running towards. And so, without having a purpose, you're just kind of just floating through life. You're just kind of going to the next thing you're getting another job or maybe it's. You know, you're just everything gets mundane.

Speaker 3: 15:01

But when you have a purpose and you feel like, wow, this is what I was set on this earth to do, then you have focus of where you're going, you set up the guardrails and you charge forward and you get towards what you need to do and make that impact that you need. So I think my answer is really what's life without purpose? And then finding that purpose is really going to help you head towards that North star. Right, you're going to have the vision that you need to get to get there. So I would say, wrapping that up, eli, I'm sure you have a few things to add in, but I know that's kind of where we kind of stand with that.

Speaker 4: 15:34

Absolutely. Purpose to me is all about it's kind of a binary decision every day it's does it align with my purpose or does it not align with my purpose? Purpose is hard to find, though. I've spent the last couple of years really trying to dive into what is my purpose, really trying to dive into what is my purpose. I think the stereotype for us as coaches is they come to us thinking that we have this purpose that we've had from day one of being born, and that's so untrue because I think we keep finding it every day. But if you have a good idea about it and you can reflect on it, and to me it's all about happiness and that's what we teach, as well as whatever makes you happy, that you get up every day. You're pursuing something, you're moving that ball forward. That's purpose to me.

Speaker 4: 16:21

I actually just finished a book called Ikigai. It's the Japanese term for basically like direction in life or their term for purpose. And what's really unique about this Japanese region is everything that they do in their life revolves around purpose, and they talk about how purpose actually leads to longevity in life, and there's these kind of a couple different areas of this. You know, good nutrition, good movement and community and these kind of things make up. And then the last part of that longevity is to have a purpose, and that purpose keeps them going every day, even on the hard days. So purpose to me is absolutely everything. We preach it at peak fulfillment. That's one of our pillars. So you're hitting a buzzword that we absolutely love and talk about all the time.

Speaker 1: 17:14

Yeah, absolutely For sure, and same thing with our work. One of the first things we do is help men really define that in a way that makes sense for them, and I completely agree with everything that you've said, and I would build on that and say that the purpose is always in refinement.

Speaker 1: 17:30

Absolutely it's not a one and done thing, and I sometimes, when working with guys, I found that because I I'll ask them each year. So at the end of this year, we're coming to the end of 2023 here as we're recording this, and they've done. They've been asked to do this reflection exercise. I call it setting the compass. It's an opportunity to reflect on where the what they've accomplished, what were the things they set out to do this year, what didn't happen? And then, if they were to write a headline, what would that look like? And then I asked them to do the similar thing for the upcoming years, to then to set that start, to set that intention.

Speaker 1: 18:02

Because the challenge is is that when you start to look at it, we've changed. I'm not the same person. I was on January 1st 2023. I'm a different person. I've had life experience and I'm sure you're finding in your work as well that as we have life experience, our mission starts to evolve, starts to change a little bit and ultimately, it's about who we are aspiring to become is an ever-evolving and unfolding journey, and I think that's the beauty about doing this work is that it's not a one and done piece or it's not an ultimate goal. It's a continuous improvement process and I think, with looking at the work that you guys are doing, it makes so much sense. And I know you guys also do some work. You know you've already talked about had started lots of businesses before and you do some work in helping people get started in business. And so tell us what your experiences reveal to you about doing startups and helping individuals, and how does that align with purpose and passion and accomplishment?

Speaker 4: 19:05

I'll jump in. A big part of what we teach is passion in a startup. That is the baseline and the foundation to want to pursue something. We've done that in the businesses that we've been a part of. Kyle and I started a social network. We were co-founders in a social network for action sports sports. We were co-founders in a product photography business that was e-commerce based and it had that media background. Everything that we do and we teach is based on passion, and entrepreneurship is just an incredible vein to go down.

Speaker 4: 19:42

And when I I grew up playing a lot of golf and I heard something one day and this is what sparked my mind for entrepreneurship and going down this route, which was I was a relatively avid golfer, so I heard some guys in our group say the worst day of golf is better than the best day of work and it completely set me off on this journey of I never want to work for the man. I never want to clock in nine to five, I want to have freedom. Work for the man. I never want to clock in nine to five, I want to have freedom. And then, ultimately, when I do have a family, I want to be able to build that lifestyle around my job and that was why and that's kind of part of the mindset that we help coach is we help coach that mindset around. You know, build a business based on your passion and I mean, where do you want to fill in there? I think that was that's kind of what I wanted to hit on was passion.

Speaker 3: 20:34

Yeah, and part of our methodology is the three Ps right. So you have a passion for something. That passion can be turned into your purpose and that purpose can turn into profit. So let's say you're passionate about dogs, you absolutely love dogs, it's just what makes you happy and gives you joy. Well, that purpose could be starting a dog walking business, or maybe it's starting a place where people drop off their dogs to be watched, you know, to be boarded, and that could turn into profit.

Speaker 3: 21:03

So, helping people understand that you can really unlock, like you have the potential to unlock whatever it is that you need by aligning your purpose and passion together and it can be turned into a profit where you can do these things for a living and love it, which is so important.

Speaker 3: 21:20

Because so many people are stuck in this mundane of clock in, clock out nine to five I'm over it and they just never feel like they have alignment.

Speaker 3: 21:28

And a lot of people talk about the American dream here in the US of you work hard, you save your money up to your age 70, and then you finally get to retire and working for corporate America.

Speaker 3: 21:39

Well, for me that looks like the American nightmare. I don't wanna work for some company until I'm 70, putting money into my 401k, hoping that I have enough to live the last 20 years of my life, and so helping people understand like that it's a safety net option but you can take some risk but it can be calculated risk and understanding that there's things and levers that you can look at and pull to make sure you're walking into something that is safe, and allowing them to understand there's a process behind jumping in and really taking that step in faith. So we love helping people start businesses and guiding them in the right direction to do it like we've done, and it's really just a pretty easy, step-by-step process to really get to where you need to be. But it takes being risky and it takes having that mindset of all the stuff that we talk about in our coaching but apply it towards business.

Speaker 1: 22:28

So yeah, it's a great topic to help with.

Speaker 1: 22:35

Yeah, it makes complete sense and I like that idea of you know, passion, purpose and profit and putting them together in order to really to truly achieve things.

Speaker 1: 22:38

Because, in the end, you're going to need at some point in time, you're going to need a little extra passion to push through right and at times, you're going to need that, that purpose, to really go back and remind yourself why we're doing this and when we ultimately take that opportunity to do the work and we can be living in.

Speaker 1: 22:55

You know, we can live that purposeful life and and I like the other word that you, that you were using there, as well as alignment and I think alignment is so important that when we do things, and even when we do it because it's part of our purpose and and we're passionate about it that it's in alignment with our values and our beliefs and who we are, and sometimes those values and beliefs need to change, they need to make a shift, because there may be the things that are holding us back and no longer serve us, and so I really love the way you guys are putting that together with men's work now as well, as you know, helping people in their startups. And you know, at the beginning, I started talking also about you know life narratives. You guys talk about that in your work as well, and so tell me a little bit about how you needed to shift your life narratives, to make a change, and how you're helping men do that in their lives. And I'll ask you.

Speaker 4: 23:43

Eli to start first. Yeah, so in terms of just a life narrative, in terms of how mine has always been shaped, my purpose and narrative really came about like right when I started going to college I kind of blossomed out of kind of being more of a social type of person. But I found that everybody, and even in my past too but I knew that I was a people person and I know that I was a pleaser so and I love being just kind of that positive heartbeat in the room. I love to kind of come to a room and infect a room with positivity and then as we start, you know seeing some of these really hardship and these last of these last 10 years, you know seeing the pandemic, seeing a couple other big you know big headlines and news, I I really started to realize that people need some positivity. People need positive news. They need to see that light at the positivity. People need positive news. They need to see that light at the end of the tunnel. So my narrative kind of shifted to seeing a lot of people come to me just based on my gravity of being a positive person and seeing the glass half full at all times. And then I shaped that around.

Speaker 4: 24:46

A purpose which I've my my heartbeat every day and why I'm doing this with Kyle, is really to inspire people with positivity. And that's kind of my narrative and my legacy that I want to leave, which is I always want to be a glass half full guy and I want to inspire you when you interact with me. And that's why I love coaching is because I can put my narrative together and show somebody that you know if you're in that same boat or if you can even pick up a little nugget. I love just giving little nuggets away. That because that's how that was. Like you know, within mentorship programs that I've been involved in are people. I just try and pick up small nuggets what podcast, books, whatever it is and then you just build this tool chest and a lot of people just aren't aware of the tools out there. So what we're doing and again back to my life narrative it is around helping guys, inspiring them through positivity. That would be kind of how I would answer that one. Does that sound about right?

Speaker 1: 25:51

Yeah, I love that. That sounds right to me. It's right for you, brother. I love that. How about for you, Kyle?

Speaker 3: 25:57

Yeah, you know, I found that I'm a servant, kind of like what Eli was saying I just like serving people, it's what gives me my warm fuzzies inside right.

Speaker 3: 26:06

It's just. It's what brings me bliss and joy and purity in my life, and so one of the one things that I hope that I can make impact on through my story and my life is there is no ceiling of potential. You really can do whatever you set yourself out to, and so many people will combat that Well, you know, whether it's the silver spoon or well, you're educated or blah, blah, blah, blah, blah it is. Everyone has the potential to get where they want. Getting out of college at $40,000 of student loan debt. I was on my own with my girlfriend at the time now my wife and we had to figure this out, and my degree was in entrepreneurship Right, so I knew I wanted to go and start businesses, and so I just started. I took a leap of faith and I just started setting stones afront in my path, not knowing what the outcome would be right and not understanding you know what this journey is going to be, but one thing I did have was a vision and a goal At the end of the tunnel. Where is it am I going to get? I knew the alphabet started with A. I know it starts with Z and there's 24 other obstacles to get to Z right. There's 24 other letters to get there and I knew that journey was going to be rough, but I knew if I could just get to the end I would be what I found successful. What I found was happiness in my life.

Speaker 3: 27:34

So you know, through all of that and the journeys and the businesses that you know I've started and started with Eli as well the ups and downs and all of that stuff I just know, you know, moving forward in my life, the impact that I want to make. I can do it. There's no ceiling. It just takes doing the work, educating yourself as much as you can, learning from people in authority voices. There's so much free information out there and all it takes is one ask. Most people are willing to help, give you some tips and put you in the right direction for free.

Speaker 3: 28:06

So it's having that self-confidence, building yourself up and then really, as you move forward, having the self-discipline to continue forward, but also be aware of the behaviors and the things that you're doing and looking back and reflecting okay, that didn't work. How can I turn this failure into a success? By learning and where those gaps are. So I know that was a lot, but just understanding that it doesn't take much to really just start the journey and just really have your North star, really where your focus is, and you will reach it, no matter how long it may take. You will get there if you just keep forward.

Speaker 1: 28:39

Yeah, absolutely. But I really appreciate from your both of your answers. There is that you have different life narratives but they complement each other so well. You have the positivity aspect of it. You need to have a positive outlook in life, especially when times are challenging. And then the beginning, when you're starting anything new, any venture that are the idea of that there's going to be challenges are going, is going to be present. So you need to have that and then to come in as that servant, that servant leader, to be there and to be able to have that vision and mission in place to help again carry you through and to keep that momentum going.

Speaker 1: 29:14

Because I think the challenge with a lot of us is that we we die with the music inside of us, as I said, and we're too afraid to take that risk or too afraid to lean into who we truly are, because maybe an uncle is going to tell us that that's a stupid idea or you know your best buddy is going to all of a sudden, you know, look at you with a, with a, you know one eyebrow, and wonder why are you making that decision? But the truth of the matter is, is that you know there's so much potential inside of us, and one of you had mentioned it being unlimited, and I completely agree with that, and you know it leads me to thinking about. You guys have this foundation in your men's work built on five pillars, and I think we've already touched on one with it being purpose. And so tell me a little bit more about the five pillars. How did you come up with them and how do they, how do they work in connection with one another? And I'll get Eli for you to start first again.

Speaker 4: 30:05

Yeah, we came up with these. You know, kyle and I sat down and really thought about let's look, let's reflect on our experiences. What are the things that have made us happy? We feel like we're very fulfilled guys. There's always that opportunity to become more fulfilled and to continue on that journey. But what is it that we look back on and what are our experiences? So there's a couple of stories that we shared earlier.

Speaker 4: 30:30

What are the cornerstones of those that build our pillars, that build us to who we are and how can we teach that to guys? And I mean a couple of them purpose is one of them. Ownership. These pillars are really what we do in in in all, with our students is we help assess where are they? Where are they low in these certain pillars that we have and our foundation, our methodology, where are they low? And then we help dive in on these personal plans. We create these goal structures, these worksheets, these things that they can work through. But the pillars are parts of our lives, reflected in our program, and I know Kyle I think he mentioned it earlier but we set out to build this because of our experiences and because it gives us fulfillment, and that's really where the pillars derived from Love that Go ahead, Kyle.

Speaker 3: 31:26

Yeah. So to kind of round up the five pillars, we have self-awareness, so being aware of your actions and your behaviors and your thoughts and understanding, you know exactly. You know, am I aware of what I'm doing right now, the decisions that I'm making? Are they the right decisions Then?

Speaker 2: 31:42

we have self-discipline.

Speaker 3: 31:43

When you go out and set a goal and you want to reach milestones, are you being self-disciplined enough to actually reach those? The next is goal setting. So understanding there's a macro goal and then bringing those down to micro goals and setting milestones to reach them. Understanding that there is a path that you can follow. And then purpose, as we've talked about where are you heading in life, what is it that you love and what's the impact you want to make? And then ownership, so keeping yourself accountable.

Speaker 3: 32:09

If you get fired from work, don't point your fingers at your coworkers. Look at what you did, reflect and say, ok, I need to own this, this is what I could have done better and move forward. So those really those five pillars we felt like are really cohesive because if you look at one of them, most likely another one's going to really need to balance. So if you don't have balance in all of those, that foundation can't be built right. The home needs to have built a nice, balanced foundation. So if you have all those five pillars built, you know, most likely you can get to that peak fulfillment that you're looking for.

Speaker 3: 32:40

And so we have this cool assessment that we do with our students and it helps people understand. This is the one of the pillars I'm really strong at, like, hey, I'm awesome at goal setting, like I hit my goals but I kind of lack, you know, self-awareness. I, you know I probably could get these goals quicker, more efficiently, and that kind of helps us with our coaching program, how we create it and move them forward. So five pillars really took a long time for us to figure out, just going back and forth and like that's the right one. We probably could have 10, 15, 20 pillars, but yeah, that's kind of what we landed on and it works really well for us because it kind of hits all those different areas of goal setting and really, you know, trying to match where you want to be in life, absolutely for sure.

Speaker 1: 33:20

And what I really like about you know the more this is our third year into doing men's work here and just just prior to the, prior to the pandemic, and then working through it, and everybody has a little different take on how they get there, and it's through our life experiences.

Speaker 1: 33:37

What I really appreciate about yours is that you've really taken to heart the things that and looked at the things that you needed to improve upon and create a framework for guys to be able to come into into the space for you so they can they can actually do some work. You know, in our work here, we do do what, uh, I have to achieve, or a complete, I should say an integrity challenge. The integrity challenge is all about assessing themselves in six different areas in their life so emotional, physical, spiritual, in their career, slash, business, in their relationships and then, for the end, themselves, and what it ultimately does is give them a score on where are they excelling and what are parts of their of their lives. Are they totally ignoring and not making and taking any, taking any time to look at it, because my experience was that I was extremely successful in my early 30s as a, as a chef and, and you know, competing in color in the olympics and coloring olympics and that.

Speaker 1: 34:29

but I lost everything because I had so much focus in one aspect of my life that I took so much else for granted yeah it totally cost me everything, and I think we come to these frameworks through our experiences again go back to why I think it's so key for folks to learn about men's journeys and what, where they've come from, the things they've learned, how we're implementing them into our lives so we can become better, and then being able to complete that hero's journey by sharing that knowledge with others and hoping that they get that opportunity to do that work as well. And so kudos to you, gentlemen, for putting together a brilliant framework to bring guys in. It's another way of looking at it. That sounds phenomenal. I'm really sure it's doing great, great for your, for your clients.

Speaker 4: 35:15

Thank you, yeah, it's been amazing. We've just seen some amazing transformations.

Speaker 1: 35:26

It's so fulfilling for us to see that and that is our journey. That is why we set out to do this. Yeah, absolutely For sure. You know, when I think about society today, you know there's so many challenges. I talked about that in my opening here about it's very difficult for us to be men today and to be men as as comfortable as we would like to be sometimes. That the the way we we are portrayed is that it can be very toxic, and I'm not really fond of that idea of toxic masculinity. I think there's toxic behavior and I think that can come from anybody. But I think when we start to look at how we men today need to show up and how we need to really become better fathers, husbands and leaders, there's a different way that things are happening today. Tell me a little bit what you guys think about, what you're seeing in your men's work and how that, how society is impacting guys and making their decisions. So this time I'll start with Kyle.

Speaker 3: 36:12

Yeah, acting guys and making their decisions. So this time I'll start with Kyle. Yeah, you know, I think so many men you know in their thirties and forties you know that's usually people that we work with there are so many stigmas and what we have been programmed to understand and to live and to think and to do in our lives.

Speaker 3: 36:27

We all kind of grew up in a similar era and one of the biggest things that I've learned that men have, you know, issues on and this is kind of going on a on a side side route but the stigma of of not having self-care it is so important for men to to have that self-care, whatever it is that you need to do, to recharge and to love on yourself, to open, to understand who you are at your core and to just like unload and just like let go of everything, all the stresses and everything that's going on in your life, and just take care of yourself.

Speaker 3: 37:01

And you know, as you know, one of the most best things you could do is going through a coaching program, because they can help you with that and get you to where you want to go and teach you how to do real self-care and self-love and good self-talk.

Speaker 3: 37:13

So I think you know one of the big things that we really try hard to teach is to take care of yourself first in order to take care of the family, take care of your wife, take care of your work and your coworkers and really take care of any aspect that you were talking about with your six specific areas in your life. You need to first take care of yourself first, and so self-care is important, breaking that stigma and teaching men that it's okay, no one's judging you. In fact, most men that you talk to wish they understood self-care better and they had the time or they had the priority to give themselves the time to give themselves that self-care. So I think that's one thing that I would really touch on. You know, with with everything going on is, you know, focus on yourself first so you can focus on others.

Speaker 1: 37:57

I hope, brother Love that, love that Eli how about for you, I think?

Speaker 4: 38:02

I mean, one of the common things that we see is ego. Ego really gets in the way and for men especially having that, that masculine presence, For men especially having that masculine presence so if we can get somebody to drop their ego and really be open-minded to changing and you know some of the stuff about, like mindfulness, meditation, that sounds very hippie-ish back, you know, a couple of years ago and now it's just kind of something that we hear all the time. We talk about it all the time to our students. So breaking them down and letting them and allowing them to be vulnerable in a space where that's typically a very uncomfortable situation for them Hold everything tight to the chest until they boil over, like you said earlier. So creating a good space for that being vulnerable would be kind of how I'd wrap that one up.

Speaker 4: 38:56

And then the other one just to mention would be men having intent and setting intention and being in the now and being present in each situation that they're in and moving through their tasks with this kind of I think of of like a, like a battery, or you have this energy level and through your day you're depleting it. So you're and it's going to be depleted at the end of the day. So what tasks and what are you going to do to focus all of that energy as that battery starts to go down? And being present at every task that you do, so that you have energy at the end of the night to spend with your loved ones? If you spend all that battery in the end of the night to spend with your loved ones, If you spend all that battery in the beginning of the day, you come home and you're not the best father, you're not the best husband.

Speaker 4: 39:38

So what we teach and our goal here is to be present and fully, fully, you know, have the intent of what you're working on, so that you can keep that battery charged and really sustained the entire day and be present for every single moment. Child is one of the best that I've ever seen is being able to wear so many different hats and the energy level that you need to have to be a dad, to be a leader, to be an entrepreneur, to be a coach. There's so many different hats that we wear as men that we really teach to be present, be in the moment and have intent.

Speaker 1: 40:16

Man. Love that Aho to you as well, my friend. Just perfect, perfect ideas and ways to look at us. And for sure self-care is so important and being able to be able to drop that ego and I used to say in our work is that one of the things that we create is a safe space for men to be free of shame. For sure we want to make sure that shame is no, no longer present, free of judgment.

Speaker 1: 40:39

But then I started to reshape that as I thought about when the accountability comes, a little bit of judgment, that's how it's done, it's how it's delivered, and having compassion for that individual and just saying you know, and just saying, hey, kyle, if I said you were going to do this, what happened? What could you know? What could you have done to get back on track? You know how can I support you? So I'm still, it's still holding you on.

Speaker 1: 41:03

It has a slight tone of judgment, but it isn't what we're used to when we see it happen. You know, I think back as a child and playing sports and how we would pick on each other and tease each other and, depending on our energy level, you know we maybe could take that okay and let it roll off our back and other times we carry that, we carry that judgment with us. So for men, it's about learning how. For me, I find it's us learning how to be emotional, express our emotions and be vulnerable enough to say it's okay that somebody can tell me that I need some work and that.

Speaker 1: 41:43

I'm going to be all right, and it doesn't mean that I'm nothing or that I'm worthless, and so great stuff there, guys, absolutely. You know you've talked about, you've read tons of books. We all have done that and we're on in the personal development space. We haven't read at least one. But tell me about one book that there was maybe something profound that really changed the way you think about something in life and how it helped shape some of the work that you're doing. So I'll start with you, kyle, to tell us about that.

Speaker 3: 42:18

I'm actually almost done with a book called the Mountain. Is you Great book? Right? And I think one of the most profound things that hit with me was you know, we have all these ideas of these mountains that are ahead of us. Right, we have to get over them and we have to figure out how are we going to deal with this. But really you are the mountain that's stopping you. You're doing your own self-sabotage to make yourself believe you can't get over that mountain, when really you, you are the mountain, you move the mountains and you keep continue moving forward. So it's a great book.

Speaker 3: 42:44

I'm not quite done with it, but just the whole concept of like all these people talk about, you know these, these big obstacles in front of me, there's this mountain I can't get over and then they're like no, you are the mountain, you move it yourself, you make the path and the journey that you need and understanding that who you are and being self-aware, you have to understand yourself.

Speaker 3: 43:07

Sabotage first. You are sabotaging yourself and mind by not implementing positive thinking and understanding that you can reach anything at any peak that you want to get to. So super good book. I'm excited. I'm about 80% through it, so I'm excited to wrap it up, but that really hit me recently. I was like man, I've never really thought of it like that Because there's so many books you could talk on that everyone's read how to Win Friends and Influence, know all those great books but it's just so many good books that are like no change. Change the metaphor to this and thinking of a different way and it'll kind of actually like trigger some like oh, that's a good way to look at it, yeah.

Speaker 1: 43:43

Love that. How about for you there, Eli?

Speaker 4: 43:46

Mine has always been extreme ownership by Jocko Willink. I just love it so much. But I'm reading a new one right now and I'm only a quarter of the way, so I'm not going to speak too highly on it, but I do think it may slide into the spot. It's called the Way to Win.

Speaker 4: 44:01

I think it might take the spot, but for now it's extreme ownership and as a leader, as an entrepreneur, as a CEO, when we have people accountable to know, accountable to us, that book to me puts it all into an amazing framework that we own every decision that we make.

Speaker 4: 44:25

We have the opportunity to you know, take whatever path, that we want, and that we need to own that if we, if we, if we're accountable to that, as well as the flip side of that, which is giving ownership to somebody else, whether it's a personal relationship, giving ownership to your kids or giving ownership to your employee that they own everything up until this level and you give them full trust. Anything above this line in the sand they can come to you, but below that it is all them. They have to own it and you have to trust that employee. And it was a monumental book because of what I was going through, but as well as what our business was going through, absolutely love that book. I love his message and I love I just he's very inspiring to me and everything he reads and puts out and podcasts I follow very closely.

Speaker 1: 45:09

Outstanding outstanding. I just love asking that question, Thank you. It's a great question yeah no-transcript, goggins, but we have to do jocko too oh, very cool. Yeah, that's awesome you know, obviously you wouldn't be where you are today didn't have mentors along the, and so the next question I have for you is about what's the best piece of advice that you've been given and how has it served you and Eli, I'll start with you this time.

Speaker 4: 45:51

It's a good one. I was going to mention something about mentors here, kind of in the end, but mentors I'm going to kind of talk through this as I hope I come up with, because there's so many amazing, amazing tips. But mentors to me are somebody that you have to have in your life, and have multiple of them, so that you can bounce off different ideas and kind of cross-triangulate what you're trying to get to with a couple of different people. I'm trying to think of the best piece of information that I've got. Do you have one right now? There's so many that have come into mind.

Speaker 3: 46:26

Yeah, I think really, when it comes to so, eli and I actually share a very same mentor, pretty much. He's walked with us for about six or seven years now and what I think we've learned from him is understanding that impact can be made with just one small conversation, in a sentence of a conversation, and being self-aware of the words that you're putting out. While you're loving on somebody and you're teaching them and you're helping them, there may be an hour conversation with an individual. They might only hear 2% of what you're telling them. So as you're talking to that individual, make sure all of it is pouring into them and giving them a hand up and lifting them up and really supporting them and being in the moment, Give them eye contact.

Speaker 3: 47:20

My wife we do alternative education she's a Waldorf teacher and one of the things that they talk about is the eyes is a window into the soul, and when you have somebody that truly is looking at like eye to eye and sometimes you're like, whoa, this is a bit too much that's because they're like there in the moment and they're like being present with intention with the conversation.

Speaker 3: 47:42

So all of that wrapped up is, when you're having a conversation with somebody and maybe it's your mentoring with somebody or you're giving them advice, make sure you know as much of that conversation there's takeaways, because they only may be picking up 2% of it because they've got so much other things going in their mind. So I think just having intention and conversation and making sure there's intention with it is one thing that that our mentor really, really taught us, because every conversation we have with him it is exactly that there is so much intention and so much that he pours into us to help us with.

Speaker 4: 48:16

So, yeah, that's amazing All of the mentors that surround me are. They drive self-awareness really hard. The one that Kyle's talking about that's a perfect definition of that, but I think the best aside outside of him. Another mentor gave me a piece of advice when kind of working through a relational conflict and it's hard to do and it sounds weird to do but a tip that I heard from a mentor was in the middle of an argument try and pause the argument and then argue from that other person's side Quickly. You become very self-aware that you may be arguing the wrong side or you start to become conflicted in your mind and it breaks down your barrier very, very quickly and then you can get resolutions a lot quicker. So that piece of advice was absolutely amazing for conflict resolution in business, personal, whatever it was. It was an incredible piece of advice that stopped me in my tracks and changed a lot and really has helped me throughout the years.

Speaker 1: 49:18

Man, I love that. I love both of those. One about the relationship, but that's phenomenal. What a great mind shift for us, for both parties involved to get into. You know, man, okay, I get it. I think I've got some more work to do.

Speaker 4: 49:47

Yeah, we all do.

Speaker 1: 49:48

That's awesome. You know, gentlemen, of everything that we spoke about today, maybe there was something we didn't get a chance to touch on. If there was a piece of advice you'd like to leave our listeners with, what would that be? And, eli, I'll start with you again.

Speaker 4: 50:00

Yeah, I kind of have two. I'm going to just one of them's quick and I'll go to the other one. It would be buy a mentor, or buy somebody that you're inspired by a cup of coffee. If you can get in front of them, that's good. Try and get comfortable in uncomfortable situations. That ability for you to step out of your comfort zone and buy them a cup of coffee and pick their brain for 30 minutes, that could be life-changing. Robert Greene wrote a book called Mastery and then one of the big parts about his book is all about having a mentor and that is a foundational piece to become a master in something. So buy somebody a cup of coffee, that's it, and that will lead you to be uncomfortable. The second one would be really just embracing the power of purpose and really aligning your actions with your morals and that moral compass that we all have. That would be kind of where I would start, which is take time to reflect, look back, journal and kind of try and build your purpose if you don't already have it.

Speaker 1: 51:01

Love that. How about for you, Kyle?

Speaker 3: 51:05

Yeah, you know we touched on it indirectly, but it's really cultivating a growth mindset, right? So adopting that growth mindset really means, you know, looking at challenges as opportunities, all the setbacks we go through look at and self-reflect as lessons and always strive for personal development. The word self-help, the words personal development, self-improvement, they're words that are, you know, they're categories, now right, they're industries, but think about the word personal development. I am working on me as a person and developing me and growing me and developing me and growing me. So having that growth mindset, always working towards it, will help you evolve, transform and really help you get comfortable with being in the uncomfortable.

Speaker 3: 51:49

The only way that we grow in life is you have to be comfortable with being uncomfortable, putting yourself into positions that you may not always really feel like this is right. There's something going on. I don't like this, I'm nervous, I'm anxious. That's you and your mind and your body and your soul stretching itself. That is the moment that there's so much pressure. That's where growth happens. So you have to get comfortable and really just cultivate that growth mindset, and that's something that we try so hard to teach our students Like you. Just have to push yourself, otherwise you're just back in the mundane. You're back to the day to day. I'm not pushing myself to get better, I'm not personally developing myself, I'm not self-helping myself, I'm not self-improving myself. So, yeah, just cultivate it, live it and grow is really, is really what we try hard to to really push on on our, on our students.

Speaker 1: 52:41

Oh, gentlemen, that's phenomenal. What a great conversation we had today. I want to say thank you so much. You've been able to show us that all of us can live with passion, purpose and fulfillment, and so if men are interested in getting involved with your work, what would be the best way for them to do that?

Speaker 3: 52:56

Yeah, head to our website, peakfulfillmentcoachingcom. We have one-on-one men's coaching that we utilize our five pillars of fulfillment methodology. We also have an online course. So it really is just shrunken. I get a better price and it's called the peak Academy. But at the end of it all, take our peak assessment, it's free. You'll dive into the five pillars of fulfillment and where you need focus, love it.

Speaker 1: 53:18

Perfect. Well, I'm going to make sure that information and any of your social contacts are also in the show notes for today's episode. Once again, gentlemen, thank you so much for being on the show. Loved our conversation.

Speaker 4: 53:28

Thank you, Alan.

Speaker 1: 53:29

Thank you.

Speaker 3: 53:29

It was a pleasure.

Speaker 2: 53:37

Thank you for listening to the Revolutionary man podcast. Are you ready to own your destiny, to become more the man you are destined to be? Join the brotherhood that is the Awakened man at theawakenedmannet and start forging a new destiny today.