Reiki Blog Companion: Can Shame Be Healthy: Reiki Wisdom Podcast

In this Reiki Blog Companion episode, we delve into the complex and often uncomfortable topic of shame using insights from Bronwen Logan's blog post, 'Can Shame Be Healthy?' 

We discuss the crucial differences between shame and guilt, explore how shame can serve as a moral compass and foster social cohesion, and consider the balance needed to prevent destructive shame spirals. 

Additionally, we look at practical tips for managing shame, including recognizing triggers and practicing self-compassion through affirmations and journaling. 

Tune in to discover how shame, when approached with curiosity and compassion, can contribute to personal growth and a more understanding society.

00:00 Introduction to Shame
00:49 Understanding Shame vs. Guilt
01:36 Shame as a Moral Compass
02:44 Shame and Social Cohesion
03:25 Balancing Shame: Too Much vs. Too Little
04:33 Navigating Shame with Reiki Precepts
06:03 Practical Tips for Managing Shame
07:35 Expressing and Releasing Shame
08:20 Conclusion and Key Takeaways

Bronwen Logan's Blog: Can Shame Be Healthy?
https://reikiwithbronwen.com/can-shame-be-healthy/

Transcript

0:00

Hey, everyone ready for a deep dive into something a little bit uncomfortable. Ooh, sounds intriguing. It is. We're going to be tackling shame. Shame. Shame. Yeah. And we're using this great blog post by Bronwyn Logan called can shame be healthy? Can shame be healthy? That's the most people try to avoid it at all costs. Exactly. But Logan. Oh, interesting. She suggests that maybe, just maybe, shame can actually be a good thing. Okay, I'm listening. So get ready to explore the difference between shame and guilt. Okay. See how shame can act as a moral compass. A moral compass. You'll see. And we'll even touch on how it plays a role in get this social cohesion. Okay, this is definitely not the usual way we think about shame. Not at all. And that's what makes it so fascinating. I'm ready. Alright, so first things first, Logan tackles this whole shame versus guilt thing. Yeah, I think a lot of people use those terms interchangeably. Me too, definitely. Yeah, yeah. But Logan makes a really important distinction. Okay, let's hear it. She says guilt is about our actions. Actions, okay. You know, that feeling of like, Uh, mess up. Right, right. But shame, shame goes way deeper. Deeper how? It's about ourselves. Ourselves, oh. Yeah, it's that voice, that whisper. Whispers what? I am messed up. Oh, wow, yeah. That's why it can feel so much heavier than guilt. That makes a lot of sense. So then the big question becomes, how can something that makes us feel so bad actually be helpful? Right. If it's all about feeling messed up, how is that a good thing? Exactly. But Logan has this really interesting analogy. Oh, I love a good analogy. She compares shame to a moral compass. A moral compass. Interesting. Think about it. When we do something that goes against our values, that shame we feel can actually help guide us back to our true north. Like a course correction. Exactly. Okay, I see where she's going with this. And Logan even shares this personal story. Oh. About lying as a child. Uh huh. And how the shame she felt afterwards. Yeah. Really solidified her commitment to honesty. Wow, so it was a defining moment for her. Totally. Yeah. It made her realize that lying just wasn't who she wanted to be. So the shame acted as that push. Like a wake up call. To realign with her values. Exactly. Now you might be thinking, wait, isn't that just guilt? I was just thinking that. Right, because she lied, that's an action. Right. But remember, shame is tied to our identity. Ah. It's not just about the lie. It's about the fear of being seen as a liar. Someone fundamentally dishonest. Exactly. I see the difference now. That's a really powerful distinction. And it makes me think about the social aspect, too. Social aspect. Logan argues that shame can actually play a role in strengthening our connections with others. Really? I would think shame would make us want to hide. I know, right? Sounds counterintuitive. Definitely. But think about this. Okay. Shame often comes up when we realize we've hurt someone. Right. Or violated some social norm. Exactly. It's like a signal. Signaling why. That we've stepped outside the bounds of acceptable behavior. Within our social group. Exactly. So it's not just about our own moral compass. Mm hmm. It's also about how we fit into the larger social fabric. Hmm. I'm starting to see how shame could actually be a force for good. Me too. But I imagine there's a delicate balance, right? Oh, absolutely. Because too much shame can't be a good thing. Right. Logan warns against getting stuck in a shame spiral. A shame spiral. Where we constantly beat ourselves up for past mistakes. Yeah, that's not healthy. It can be paralyzing. So where's the line? That's the million dollar question, right? Yeah. Too much shame can be paralyzing. Totally. It can lead to all sorts of problems. Social with anxiety. Even depression. It can prevent us from living our lives to the fullest. Exactly. And on the flip side. Oh, there's a flip side. There is. Oh, okay. Logan also cautions against a complete lack of shame. A complete lack of shame? That sounds almost scarier. It can be because without any shame, people might just disregard all the rules, social norms go out the window, it could lead to people exploiting others, making reckless decisions, even engaging in harmful behaviors. And that lack of shame could also mean a lack of empathy. Exactly. Making it hard to form meaningful connections. So it seems like finding that sweet spot, that middle ground between the extremes is really key. But how do we find that balance? Well, that's where Logan brings in her perspective as a Reiki practitioner. Reiki. Interesting. She believes the five Reiki precepts, the precepts can provide a framework for navigating shame in a healthier way. Yeah. OK, I'm intrigued. Remind me, what are the precepts again? All right. So. They are, for today only do not anger, for today only do not worry, for today only be grateful, for today only be true to yourself, and lastly, for today only be compassionate to yourself and others. Hmm. I see how those could be helpful. Right. Especially that last one about compassion. It encourages us to be kind to ourselves. And others. Even when we make mistakes. Exactly. Instead of getting stuck in that self criticism. Or judgment. The precepts offer a gentler approach. They remind us. To let go of the past. To focus on the present. And to cultivate gratitude. It's interesting how they shift the focus from shame as this negative thing. Uh huh. To something that can actually be used for personal growth. And positive change. Exactly. That's a really great point. And it brings us to this question. Oh. If we look at shame from this new perspective. Yeah. How might it actually help us evolve? And become better versions of ourselves. I'm wondering about how we can actually put this into practice. Yeah, like how do we take these insights and make them work in our everyday lives? Exactly, because it's one thing to understand it. Intellectually, it's another to actually embody it. Totally. So does Logan offer any practical tips in her blog post? She does and one of the things she emphasizes is recognizing what she calls shame triggers shame trigger Yeah, those specific situations or thoughts that tend to Activate those feelings of shame. Okay, I think I get it. So for some people it might be public speaking. Right. Or receiving criticism. Or maybe even just making a simple mistake. Exactly. Things that other people might not even bat an eye at. Can send some of us into a total shame spiral. Exactly. And Logan suggests keeping a journal. A journal for what? To actually crack those triggers. To keep track of them. Yeah, so by becoming more aware of what sets us off. We can start to come up with strategies. For managing those situations better. Okay, so it's like creating a shame map. Right. I love that analogy. A shame map. So we can navigate those tricky territories. A bit more confidently. Exactly. And once we know our triggers, Yeah. We can start to challenge the thoughts and beliefs that often come with that shame. Because a lot of times, those thoughts aren't even true. So true, they're just echoes of the past. Well, it hurts. Or limiting beliefs we've internalized. And Logan suggests using affirmations. Oh yeah, positive self talk. To counteract those negative messages. Like replacing that inner critic. With a more supportive voice. Exactly. Offering ourselves some encouragement and understanding instead of beating ourselves up. Which is something I think a lot of us struggle with. Oh for sure. It's so easy to fall into that trap of self criticism. And speaking of things that can be hard. What's that? Logan also talks about finding healthy ways to actually express and release shame. Because we don't want to just bottle it up, right? Right, that's never a good idea. So what does she suggest? Well, it could involve talking to a therapist. Okay, yeah, that'd be cool. Or journaling. Even creating art. Oh, that's a good one. Or maybe just getting some physical activity. Right, so finding those constructive outlets. Exactly, because shame thrives in secrecy. And isolation. By bringing it out into the open. Whether through creative expression or supportive relationships. We can start to take away its power. That's a really empowering thought. I think so, too. And it really speaks to what this has been about. It's been quite a journey. It has. And I feel like I've learned so much about shame. Me, too. So as we wrap things up, what would you say is the most important takeaway for our listeners? Well, I think the key message here is that shame is normal. It's a normal human emotion. Exactly. It's not something to be ashamed of. And in fact, it can actually be valuable. If we approach it with curiosity and compassion. Couldn't have said it better myself. And remember everyone, you are not alone in this. Shame is a universal experience. And by talking about it, by supporting each other. We can create a more compassionate and understanding world. Exactly. So keep exploring. Keep learning. And remember, be kind to yourselves.