The Medicine of Acceptance with Reiki Women Podcast

In this episode of the Reiki Women podcast, Bronwen Logan,  Carrie Varela and Michaela Daystar explore the theme of acceptance. They discuss its significance in the context of healing, motherhood, modern life challenges, and spiritual practices. 
The conversation highlights personal stories of struggling with acceptance, the role of acceptance in facing life changes, trauma, and the process of grieving. They also delve into how acceptance is embedded in the system of Reiki, as seen through traditional practices and teachings such as esoteric Buddhism. 
Additionally, the discussion covers broader topics like societal expectations, the value of being present, combating the distraction of technology, and the simple, yet profound, impact of embracing acceptance in daily life. 
The podcast concludes with a reflection on making conscious choices, the paradoxical power of boredom, and the practice of gratitude as a tool for fostering acceptance.

00:00 Welcome to the Reiki Women Podcast
01:02 Diving into Acceptance
01:17 Carrie's Journey with Acceptance and Motherhood
06:19 Michaela's Insights on Acceptance and Joy
11:47 Bronwen's Perspective on Acceptance and Change
17:34 The Power of Presence and Acceptance
20:08 Embracing Boredom as a Path to Creativity
27:31 Concluding Thoughts on Acceptance and Choice
31:46 Gratitude and Farewell

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Bronwen Logan: https://ReikiwithBronwen.com
Carrie Varela: https://www.reikihealingsociety.com
Michaela Daystar: https://www.heartscapesinsight.com/

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Transcript

0:07

Hello and uh, sorry Michaela, open those eyes. Welcome to Reiki women, Reiki women podcast. And uh, I'm here with my lovely colleagues. We have the beautiful Carrie Varela, fresh out of the shower, I would say. Carrie, am I right? From the Reiki Healing Society. It's four o'clock where I am and I'm just happy that I got a shower in today. So, Being a mum, a worker and a podcaster. Okay. And, uh, then we have Mikayla Daystar. Hello beautiful Mikayla Daystar there. And Mikayla is from, Heartscapes, Heartscapes Reiki. And, today we're going to talk about, and maybe even like, Carrie, what we were just saying then, it's sort of like sometimes you've got to go with the flow, right? And you've got to, accept the situation that you're in and have a shower at whatever time of the day that might possibly be. Yes. So, um, we are going to be talking about acceptance today. So we need to sometimes accept our situations and if not, what do we do? So let's see what everyone thinks about that. Carrie, I'm going to start with you. Yeah, well I think acceptance is a really beautiful topic in the realm of healing, motherhood, taking showers at 4 o'clock in the morning, whatever that lands, but truly this is, we're filming this on like the day or two after Daylight Savings, and so my kids didn't get up early this morning, I didn't get up early, um, Actually, my whole rhythm with my kids is like, I'll get them to school and then I'll take a shower sometimes. It's some, on the special morning, I get up early enough that I can take a shower and get myself all the way ready with my kids and get them out to the door. But that's kind of the mom vibe too. A lot of moms just, you know, got their hair pulled back and, you know, their coffee teeth and a lot of things. I know that's not a topic, but acceptance. Acceptance. I I think that this is a really beautiful and profound thing to give yourself, um, and to do for other people. Um, and, uh, I don't know, I've seen it a lot in my relationship, I think, you know, sometimes, um, learning to accept people for who they are and not asking them to be anything that they're not, even though that we might want them to be, uh, to accept that people have changed as well. Um, accepting that yourself has changed, accepting that life has changed. I remember, uh, fairly recently, actually, this whole transition into motherhood was an unnatural thing for me. It was just like, you know, suddenly. door closed on my freedom and I could feel the weight of caring for my kids, you know, on my shoulders constantly and didn't get a lot of mom breaks and times to restore myself. So just years, you know, living on empty. And I think some part of that was my heart not really accepting that, that my reality was different, um, not accepting my life for what it was and, um, you know, learning how to take the joy of motherhood, which has been incredibly joyful for me. Um, but also challenging too, is to let go of how my life was before I had kids. And that was a slow process. Um, but when I realized that that was kind of really at the heart of why motherhood was challenging is that there was a part of me that wasn't accepting my reality as it was, um, right now. And that maybe if I could accept. all the beautiful things in my life, including my kids and including, you know, all the things that come from it and all the things that come from living a modern life, but you know, the busyness and, uh, having a small business and the pressure to earn and, you know, all of those things. Um, if I could accept where I was right now that I could enjoy my life a little bit better and I could, um, receive, you know, the more of the joy of, of being there with my kids. and letting that be enough, um, for, and knowing that, you know, I, I fully believe that freedom will come back and I will have more time and, um, you know, other things will open up for me. So remembering to trust the process. Um, um, I think of acceptance also really powerful, you know, in Inside of our healing. So, I mean, I talked about that as kind of a more specific example, but, you know, think about, um, you know, something really dramatic, like losing a leg or going through a cancer process or, um, losing someone we love that at some point the grieving process invites us to accept. You know, the situation or going through a divorce as well will be another Accepting that That is the way it needed to be or it is just the way it is and so if we spend most of our time Wishing it was something different wishing it was something else wishing we could go into the past and change how it turned out that we aren't able to live in the present and we're kind of divided between what our life is now and how we wish it would be. Um, and that can, can bring up suffering and can cause us to suffer. So those are my thoughts on acceptance. Michaela, come on. Sorry, I was fumbling to unmute myself. Had a zoom fail. Um. Yeah, this is, this is one of those topics that, you know, is so simple, but so important at the same time and, and is so deeply embedded into the foundational roots of the system of Reiki, you know, coming through esoteric Buddhism. And, um, it's one that I've worked with in a, in a variety of different, um, ways, you know, certainly with, with Reiki, but also with, um, working with the Book of Joy, um, as a, you know, it's kind of one of my, um, you know, guidebooks to life, but also something that I teach from quite a bit. And, you know, one of the structures that the Book of Joy is organized around is, um, you know, which is this conversation between the Dalai Lama and the Archbishop Desmond Tutu around, you know, what do these, you know, great spiritual leaders of our time, um, You know, what, what do they say about how to live a joyful life? And so the, the structure presents eight pillars of joy and eight obstacles to joy. And the third pillar of joy, the things that we can cultivate in our life to ultimately live a life that is rooted in happiness, that's rooted in joy. In the midst of everything that a life will bring to us. The third pillar is acceptance. Um, that once we first take perspective on our life, that we, you know, take a wider perspective that we can really see, you know, with a nonjudgmental eye, just the circumstances of our life. And then the second pillar, bringing humility, uh, to the circumstances of our life to see that, um, our life is entwined in this much larger fabric of life that, you know, yes, we have our very. individual experiences that matter to us quite a bit. Um, and there's this larger, uh, perspective that matters. And so approaching that with humility, then we can come to this place of accepting what is true in our life. And, um, you know, that is such a, a big one because Non acceptance causes us to fight with reality. It causes us to struggle with what is true right now. And that struggle, that, that resistance just to what is true, let alone the resistance to whatever we're going to need to do about that, um, becomes, um, this really, this, this, its own source of suffering, right? That, that fighting with reality. And so being able to be in a place where we can accept what is true in our life is a transformative step in coming to a place of being able to live with ease and, you know, with joy. Um, and It's one of those things that's easy to say but not to do, right? Um, hold on, I'm going to just pause just one sec, hang on. Someone's doing the dishes. My kid's got her headphones on and she's like cooking so she can't, she can't hear the sounds that she's making because she has her headphones on. And so she's being loud. Just, just like, just like be more gentle. I don't know what you're saying, dude. Sorry about that. Okay. What the heck was I saying? Um, Oops. Not sure. Now I got it. Now I got it. Now I got to back it up. Where was I? Okay. I'm going to start with a easy, easier said than done. Um, um, So this dynamic of coming to this place of acceptance where we're not fighting against life, we're not fighting against what's true and therefore bringing up this additional suffering, it's, it's easier said than done. Um, it's a simple concept that is profoundly challenging to actually live when we are confronted with things that are painful, that things that feel unjust, things that feel unfair, that are causing us pain, you know, that are really inconveniencing our life. to just to accept that that is what is true is profoundly difficult. And I think one of the things that makes it additionally difficult is when we conflate, we misunderstand what is meant by acceptance and we connect that with apathy. And we think that, um, you know, I've often had people, kind of struggle with this idea that accepting what is true in our life means that we don't take action about it. It means that we're apathetic to it, that we're just contrite and we just accept and, and don't change anything. And the paradox here is that coming to peace and acceptance about what is true in our life is a strong platform from which to actually make real change in our life. because we've removed that aspect of fighting against what is true. And I'm going to just pause there with that because I know there's a lot of juiciness to dig, to get, to dig into, and I'd love to see, Bronwen, what comes up for you. Yeah. So, there's something that, um, I used to say to my kid, I've mentioned this before, but there's something I used to say to my kid growing up, which was, accept or change. Accept or change. And, um, you know, Michaela's dealing with her kid. Um, so it sounds like one is acceptance and one is change, but in reality, they're both acceptance. One is accept the situation. Yeah. or if you can't, then you need to accept that you've got to change something. So you're still moving in that flow, but you're being aware of what that flow is and, and what it requires. And acceptance isn't, which is what I think you've both been saying, acceptance isn't just laying back and, um, getting run over. So, you know, acceptance is, um, accepting something and knowing if you can deal, if you can take it the way that it is, okay, if you can't, then you need to accept that you need to do something about it. So it can be a very active, um, experience as much as it can be something which is a, um, letting go, if you like. Yep. So, um, uh, and just listening to all of that, you know, there was so many things that came up, just little sayings, you know, we, we think, you know, that thing about the grass is greener and it's all about expectation. And I think that, that is when we do that fighting that Michaela is talking about, you know, fighting against when we have expectations. And, uh, you know, like, um, Carrie was saying, like being a mom, I know that feeling. I know that feeling like one day, uh, I'm going to get it back or something, even though I love this. It's not, I don't know. There's something like when we're growing up, we think, Oh, this is who we are. We, we have these set ideas. We, we create thoughts about, I'm this sort of person. I do these sorts of things. And then all of a sudden. Life isn't that and it's different and it's like, oh, well, I'll move through this and then I'll get back to who I am and what I do. But in reality, that's not who you are. You are who you are in that moment of whether you're accepting the situation or not accepting the situation. And, uh, you know, we do tend to, I project we're always looking for, a better future. I think that is, it's what we're probably told to be doing most of the time in our society. And it's very hard for us to pull back from that. I was just talking the other day about, you know, like women and, um, gosh, how did I get onto that subject? But it was a bit like, you know, we think when you're a woman or when you're a young girl and you get your periods, for example, and you think, um, you're told, well, this, now you're a woman, right? So now you're a woman. But in reality, by the time you hit your late 40s, Your periods are gone. Um, you're still a woman. It's really weird. It's like this idea that, uh, now you're a woman. This is what you've been working for. This is now you are this thing. And, but actually being a woman is so much more than being a fertile creature. And, and yet it's what society tells us. So we sort of, that's an expectation of what it means to be a woman. a woman, but kids need to know that, you know, life is not just that girls need to know that, you know, it's like, Oh my God, now for the rest of my life, I'm going to have my periods. And, you know, and, and it's actually only for what I was thinking, 30, 30 years of your life. And yet we can live to be 100 these days. It's this very limited period of our life, and yet, that's not how the world envisions what it means to be a woman, or what we tell girls that, you know, what it means to be a woman. So, ow. Expectations are sometimes so out of whack because of how society supports us to, to be. And, uh, so who are we? Yeah, we are simply what we are right now. And that, and, and, and nothing more than that. And, uh, whether that's a joyful experience or not, but we can bring to that, and you know, you're talking about the, the joy thing. We can bring to that a, um, you know, the Japanese concept of mononooware. So that exquisiteness of the moment, it doesn't mean that it's a good moment or a bad moment, but it's exquisite because it's here and then it's gone. There is no other moment like this very moment. And it doesn't label anything within that moment. There are no expectations. There is no other grass. This is just it. And, uh, it is that pure acceptance of, uh, moving into every moment and, and, and going with that and doing what needs to be done in that moment, whether it's an active or a passive. thing that you need to do. Um, but being in that moment and fully experiencing that, knowing that and, um, making choices according to that. Yeah. I mean, I, it's, it does seem so interrelated with being present, right? Like that in, if, if we are to really be present, there has to be some acceptance of what is, of the, the quality of the moment that we have. Um, I think that a lot of suffering comes from, you know, our desire, want the, that the present moment be something different than it is. And, um, when we get stuck in that mind frame, we are just spending so much of our energy. Um, fighting what is it fighting, you know, the, the exact situation that we're in. And as I'm kind of reflecting back on my own experiences, I think some of it is kind of, um, is it is a regret to that, that we can be somehow trying to fix the past and that, that, um, in fixing it or learning that lesson from it, there can actually be a beautiful acceptance of it. Of what is to, um, so it can come a little part and parcel, I think, with regret and, um, You know, and regret. There's there's something to be learned there. There's something if we can learn whatever it is that we are regretting, you know, and looking a little bit more closely at that, um, and maybe, you know, processing it and releasing it that in inside of that we can bring that life lesson, you know, into our day to day living. Um, but I think we live in times where it is. It is hard to be present. You know, we have so many distracting things from social media to our phones, to technology, to just this constant barrage of entertainment. And that is kind of the nemesis, I think, of a spiritual practice. Um, when we're just doing our spiritual practice to be entertained, you know, entertained by bright lights and energetic experiences, or even, you know, profound thoughts. Um, there's a real poignancy and just the stillness and getting out of that state of mind where we want to be entertained, where we just really actually need to sit and listen and accept the moment for what it is. So that's what's come into my mind. Yeah, Keri, I was jumping to that same space of like how well the thought that I had or the insight that I had was how much the experience of boredom is a teacher of acceptance because when you're bored, there's something about your circumstances that is. doesn't sit right, right? You're not entertained. Um, and the desire to, to, to shift that boredom into entertainment is so strong. Um, and so if we can, you know, learn to be in that space of, I don't have anything to do, or I'm not enjoying what I'm doing, you know, that becomes. You know, acceptance practice in a sense, and, you know, of course, with, you know, having these little entertainment devices just in our pockets all the time, um, you know, we're, we're told you don't have to ever be bored, you know, you can always find a pathway out of boredom. You can always change your circumstance, like, or, but what it really is, is you can stay exactly in the circumstance you're in and zone out into your device. Um, to satiate that boredom and, um, you know, my, my housemate has a seven year old daughter and, um, he really actively works with her on boredom practice. Like, you know, you got to spend 30 minutes at least, you know, outside with no device and, you know, figure it out, you know, or if she says I'm bored, you know, oftentimes it's like, okay, well be bored then until you, you know. you know, find your way to the next thing that you're supposed to do, you know, I am not going to satiate that boredom for you. You know, you need to be with it. You need to be in that experience and, and in that way, accepting that I am not going to fix that for you, um, decide to make the change. I love that Bronwen, the way that you said that, um, Acceptance leads to change. Yeah, that that part of what we're accepting is that there's a change that's needed. And when we distract ourselves, whether it's through social media, or it's through addiction, or it's through, you know, overworking ourselves or whatever the thing is that we have, that takes us out of the present moment that we habitually go to. Um, it's, it's, it's, it's, um. Preventing us from really accepting that whatever, um, stillness we need or perhaps what change that we need. And so often, you know, putting a little bit of space around that experience, putting a little bit of, of pause is. essential and, you know, bringing it back to the system of Reiki. That's one of the gifts of being in this practice is that it helps us to put more space around the moment, to put more space around what we're feeling, our boredom, our anxiety, our anger, our fear, our dissatisfaction with our, our experience. To have a pause, to put a pause in there so we can really observe, you know, what is actually happening right now. How do I actually feel about it? Can I be with it? You know, can I be present with it? And then from that place of presence, from that place of acceptance, uh, I can see more clearly, um, you know, the direction that I need to go from here. Um, and that's, it's. It always comes back to the simplest things make the biggest difference, you know, allowing ourselves to be bored, taking a breath, taking a pause, just observing what's happening. You know, these are very simple things, but we're so habituated to jump past them, to move over them, to disregard them. And we miss. the opportunity, you know, we missed the lesson and we stay in that hamster wheel of satiating the next craving that comes up, that's taking us out of accepting what we are experiencing in the moment. So it's, it's profound medicine coming to a place of acceptance, not apathy, right, not disconnection. Um, you know, not, not, um, uncaring, right. But seeing and acknowledging what actually is true right now and responding to it from a heartful place. And of course the precepts give us a guide for how that response can look. Uh, it can look compassionate. It can look grateful. It can look unattached to fear and anger. It can look true to ourself. Um, and it can be diligent. you know, a practice that we go to again and again. Um, so just, yeah, forever grateful for this simple path that we have that can have such profound impacts on how we experience life. Yeah. I love what you said about boredom, you know, um, boredom, you know, is the parent of creativity. It's that being space, yeah, being in space and, and all of a sudden things coming up. For example, I know like, if ever I go on holiday, yes, I always get incredibly creative. And it's just simply because you know, I sit into space and I just allow that space. I don't have all the normal distractions and can allow that just to, um, to come up. Um, the, I actually saw a thing recently where they were saying about kids and, and, um, devices that, uh, that one is that they don't get to learn that boredom can be. Uh, a practice, a technique, um, and the other is that they're actually losing their verbal skills because they're not actually talking to anyone or interacting with anyone. So kids who are brought up on devices do have less, um, verbal ability, which is, I look, I love devices. Hey, look at us. We're all on it. But yeah, it's interesting. Good. Does anyone have any last words about acceptance and, uh, life, making the most of it? I mean, I don't think it's easy. You know, I think it's challenging. It definitely is. And there's a lot of challenge there. It's a lot of, um, wishful thinking in our life and maybe our devices really do bring that up too. I love how you said Bronwen, that, you know, grass is greener mentality. It's just an undercurrent inner subconscious. It's there all the time. If we really tuned in with it and if, if we really are in touch with our dissatisfaction, um, but then, you know, also just in the process of something big, you know, when, when a real traumatic life event happens, um, you know, leaning into that, even initially, you know, the things that we can't change. Being aware of that, sitting with that. Um, I think it really does have a capacity to do wonderful things for our mind and our heart. Yeah, yeah, agreed. And I, and I think that the final word that comes for me is, is to acknowledge the role of choice in this, that we do have a choice whether we work on accepting our circumstances. Um, you know, I, I was thinking about, you know, time when I went through a pretty difficult and protracted breakup. And there were moments in that, you know, months long, really difficult transition when I was fighting the reality and I was, you know, raging against it. And there were moments when that felt really good, when it felt really engaging and there was an energy that came through from being angry, from, you know, talking about it and like, I knew that I was not accepting. I knew that I was, you know, clinging to anger that I was, you know, in this place of, of not practicing what I preach, um, in that moment. And, but the, the difference from previous, you know, experiences like that was that I was very aware of that. And I was consciously choosing like I'm going to allow myself this period of time to be angry and I'm going to allow myself this period of time to feel sorry for myself and to rage against it and to fight, you know, and to be in the, you know, to be in all of the, the angst and the emotions of that and, and at a certain point it was like, okay, now I'm just suffering. like now it's like now I am just suffering and you know, can make that different choice. But, um, you know, whether it's the, the struggle or it is the apathy, I had a, a, a friend on her podcast recently say something that really landed, which was that there can be a medicinal power in apathy, right? The, the choice to just step back and kind of numb out to something that's overwhelming us. Like that can be a valid choice and a, and a right choice to make. in a certain moment in our life. The challenge is when we live there all the time, when we live in the fighting and the raging against the thing, or we live in the apathy and the disconnecting from the thing. all the time or as a habitual response. And so I think that's, you know, maybe on our pathway to bringing this simple and yet not easy practice into our life is recognizing our choice and when we're making choices and that it's fine to choose to rage or to be apathetic, but be aware. That that we're choosing that and that there is another other there is another way and we might get to a point where we would prefer to choose acceptance. And then we work on that. Um, but I, yeah, I just wanted to, like, have compassion for myself and for all of us in those moments where we're like, Nope, I'm fighting this. I am not accepting this. Um, and What finally got me to really work on acceptance was realizing that fighting against it was keeping me stuck in it that, you know, again, paradoxically, I wasn't able to change the suffering when I was fighting it. I was able to change the suffering and move on with my life and, you know, have a better outcome when I move towards acceptance. Um, so I'm glad I made that choice, but I'm glad I gave myself the time I needed to be extremely pissed off. Yeah, I think it links in with what I, the way I see it is that. in this moment, is this the person I want to be? Yes. Not, Oh, I'm going to be this sort of person, or I'm going to be like this, or I'm going to be a much better person. Yeah. I mean, we all think that, right. But in reality, sitting here in this moment, is this the person I want to be? And yeah, it might be, it might be. in this moment I might want to rage, you know, or whatever, right? But I mean, it is a conscious choice. Um, is this the person I want to be right this moment in my life? Is this it? Is this the person? If, if I'm going, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, then we have choices. We have choices for sure. So thinking about in this situation, in this moment, in this everything, is this the person that I want to be? Not do I want to be something else, but is this the person I want to be? So thinking about that, um, I think it's time for us to finish off for the day. And, uh, it's been lovely sharing that with everyone being here together, having a chat about that, being in this space together. and I think a really good antidote for a lot of stuff is gratitude. So bringing in a bit of gratitude. Thank you for sharing with me both Carrie and Michaela and anyone who's listening. Um, and have a beautiful rest of the day. Bye for now. Bye. I love you.