Zach needs some major life changes. Sam's quest for love is up and down. Healing takes intention and courage. Get used to it.
Also sexual health is important!! Talk with your partner and when in doubt, wrap it up !
Zach needs some major life changes. Sam's quest for love is up and down. Healing takes intention and courage. Get used to it.
Also sexual health is important!! Talk with your partner and when in doubt, wrap it up !
HHT Episode 4
[00:00:00] Zach: Yo, uh, by the way, In a sign to show my masculinity, I started ordering milk at the, at cafes. That shows your masculinity? I like, when I walk into the cafe, The guys, you know, everyone's online, like, Uh, can I have my vanilla bullshit? Uh, oat milk please? Oat milk latte? Oat milk latte? Oat milk cappuccino? Can I get a coffee with oat milk?
I walk in, hey, what can I get you? Like, Let me get a coffee. And put fucking cream in it. And everything just drops in the store. There's like a, So I want to order cream. I see the girls, they're like, They're like getting flushed. Like, oh, a real man. And I, I bark it. I'm like, bitches, go back to your oat milk.
I'm looking for a real lady. I don't know if that really makes sense. This is Hashem's hot tub. This is Hashem's hot tub! Where we drink cream, baby! Yo, you want to hear a funny story? Um, I went to, uh, this coffee shop in, in the, in the, like, in the East Village. And I said, can I get a, um, an iced coffee, a mocha iced coffee?
Yeah, and the guy's like, what type of milk do you want? I said half and half. I'll tell you why. Half and half is like a fattier milk, so it has like a better like, like, texture, consistency, flavor with coffee. Like, it's the truth. Everything
[00:01:28] Sam: else is bullshit. Better than like, regular full
[00:01:31] Zach: milk. Yes, half and half is the best, is the superior milk in coffee.
And you only need a splash of it. You don't need like a whole glug of it. It's just a splash. It's fat. It's creamy. It's half and half. Anyways, so the guy's like, sure, you want half and half in your... I'm like, yeah. And he literally pours a full glass of half and half. No way. And I'm like, and I didn't say anything.
I was like, what the hell is going on? And then he basically like made me a shot of espresso and poured it in. I was like, bro, I'm not... Like, what am I? Like, do you think I'm like a sociopath? I drink a glass of half and half? He's like, oh yeah, well I thought, you know, like, I actually thought it was weird that you asked me that because, like, normally, you know, people don't get that in, like, our mocha iced coffees.
I'm like, bro, I just, I just want an iced coffee, put some mocha in it, and a little bit of half and half. A little
[00:02:29] Sam: bit of chocolate syrup, a little bit of half and half. Yeah!
[00:02:32] Zach: Guy was making, uh, his, I don't know. Well, mocha's
[00:02:35] Sam: like a latte. I don't know that. Mocha is more milk than
[00:02:37] Zach: anything. I thought mocha is
[00:02:38] Sam: chocolate.
It is, but a mocha, when you order at a coffee shop, is like a latte with chocolate syrup in it.
[00:02:46] Zach: Right, and you know what, man? I used to be a barista. Yeah, and now you know, I also was a barista for one week.
[00:02:52] Sam: And you didn't even know
[00:02:53] Zach: what a mocha was? Well, I worked for a very fancy coffee shop in Beverly Hills.
Then you would think you would know what a mocha was. Yeah, no, we didn't serve mocha. We only served, like, roasted coffee. The best, the finest of the finest. What was it called?
It's called Aaron's Coffee Shop. Really?
[00:03:14] Sam: Yeah. Called Aaron's Coffee Shop. Yeah. And this heard the best coffee in the
[00:03:17] Zach: world. I mean, no, but they think they did. I got fired from it, from the shop. I've been fired from multiple coffee shops. I don't know why I got fired. I think either because I, I like, at that time I was religious and I didn't wanna work on Shabbas Shabbat.
You got fired for not working on Chaz. Either that or I was talking to James. Vanderbeek for a little too long. We got into conversation. And you got fired for that too? Me? Possibly. I saw like on the corner of my eye, like the female owner seething with anger. Really? We don't talk to our guests. We serve our guests.
You are not. Sorry. Was it really like that? It wasn't, in my head it
[00:03:59] Sam: wasn't like that. But a coffee shop is like, I feel like talking with people is like, the job.
[00:04:05] Zach: Dude, that's the whole point of a coffee shop. Honestly, I go to my coffee shop every morning because I like talking to the guy. Yeah. That's it.
Like
[00:04:12] Sam: if, if the vibe isn't good, you don't go back. Yeah.
[00:04:16] Zach: 100%. What, what's on the floor over there? What are those? Oh, those are two condoms. Oh, nice. They fell out of my backpack. Nice, dude. Mac, what's Magnum?
Is it a brand? No, it's a type of condom. Oh, nice. Cool. You, you like, you like condoms? You're a safe guy. You're like, better safe than sorry. Or as Canadians would say, better safe than sorry.
[00:04:46] Sam: Um. I guess I'm a safe guy, yeah. I mean, I'd rather use a condom than not use a condom. It
[00:04:54] Zach: doesn't feel good, I've heard.
Have you never used a condom before? No.
[00:05:00] Sam: Um, yeah, it's not the same. It's
[00:05:03] Zach: not the same, it's like you're putting a glove on your penis.
It's
[00:05:06] Sam: not the same at all. A penis glove. But I get anxious when I don't use a condom. Shouldn't we call
[00:05:10] Zach: them penis gloves? We shouldn't
[00:05:12] Sam: call them
penis
[00:05:13] Zach: gloves now. I like that better.
[00:05:15] Sam: You would rather put on a penis glove than a condom? Yes.
[00:05:20] Zach: I want to be making romance with a woman and I'll be like, Hey, hey, hey, can you pass me the penis glove over there? You think she'll like, leave really quickly?
[00:05:31] Sam: Uh, I don't, maybe.
[00:05:35] Zach: Depends who you're with. And you know what, yeah. I mean, depends who you're with.
If you're with someone basic, you know, you just call it a penis glove, then like, she's out. I'm, I'm sorry, I can't do this. I mean, yeah, like if
[00:05:46] Sam: you could, you could play it cute, I'm sure.
[00:05:49] Zach: Yeah. This is a Shem's hot tub. I'm glad you wear condoms, dude. I'm glad, I mean, I'm not glad. It's probably, it's just a little sad.
But, I mean, I get, like, I mean, it just shows that you're, um, responsible little bitch. I mean, a responsible man. I
[00:06:07] Sam: mean, like, look, it's, I can't, I, I, I, I, I've had sex without condoms many times, and like, unless I'm with somebody who's like, I'm seeing them very consistently, and like, we have like a very trusting relationship, like, I'll, I get a freaking anxiety attack.
Don't you
[00:06:24] Zach: want children? Yeah. So, what's wrong, so then don't wear condoms.
[00:06:29] Sam: I don't want to just impregnate people.
[00:06:31] Zach: Why? Do a mitzvah, Sam. Is it a mitzvah to impregnate? Revu, which means in English, I don't know what it means. It's like, It's like, prosper, multiply, have many children, King Solomon. King David, all of our kings that we look up to, had hundreds of children with hundreds of various women from all over the world.
They spread their seed far and wide. Conquering territory. Yeah, I mean,
[00:07:03] Sam: I've just, I don't, that feels like too much responsibility.
[00:07:07] Zach: I know, I hear that. We don't live in the feudal times, we're
[00:07:09] Sam: like... Yeah, I can't just, like, be like, Alright, chill, see you later.
[00:07:13] Zach: Unless you're Andrew Tate. That guy, he wishes he lives in the medieval times.
Yeah,
[00:07:18] Sam: but isn't Andrew Tate, like, arrested for being a, like, child sex trafficker or
[00:07:23] Zach: something? I mean, no. I don't know.
[00:07:26] Sam: I'm pretty sure he was arrested for being, for like literally being a sex trafficker.
[00:07:29] Zach: Right, yeah. Let's shy away from Andrew Tate. I brought him up because I read, I saw that he's basically like, we should have children.
Elon Musk. I'm pivoting to Elon Musk. Elon Musk has many children. He's got 10 kids. He's also a billionaire, so. Yeah, it's different when you're a
[00:07:50] Sam: billionaire.
[00:07:51] Zach: It doesn't matter. Here's a question, Sam. If you're a billionaire. Yeah, are you gonna have would you have a multiple kids with multiple women? Okay, that's meaning.
Okay, you're a billionaire. Are you wearing condoms? Well, hmm. Wow,
[00:08:04] Sam: this is a crazy question. Actually,
[00:08:06] Zach: I know because like here's it. Here's the thing I even know
[00:08:08] Sam: later. Are you wearing condoms? Right? Probably I mean It depends on like where you're because also like it's not even just pregnancy, right? Like what about
[00:08:19] Zach: I think the lady that you're with is gonna be like, uh, uh, uh.
You slipped that, what do they call it, penis glove right off. Don't worry, I'm on some pills. And you're like, okay, if you insist. I mean, that would be nice. And then boom, she's prego. Oh, I wouldn't want that. You have a child. You know, whenever a girl
[00:08:42] Sam: has... There have been points where girls have been like...
Don't wear a condom or they've said that and sometimes I've listened to them But every time I've regretted it because I feel like that's like the least trustworthy situation.
[00:09:00] Zach: I mean, okay, so here's That's like,
[00:09:03] Sam: you know, I'm saying like like if she's telling you not to wear a condom
[00:09:06] Zach: Then I would imagine that she's not birth control.
[00:09:09] Sam: Yes, but also like how many other people has she not told? Worn a condom with and then I'm like, hmm, will I get herpes like
[00:09:20] Zach: Right, you gotta knock on that wood. I gotta knock
[00:09:22] Sam: on that wood for that one Like these are scary. These are real things that are out there sexual
[00:09:26] Zach: health, baby. Sexual health. I hear that I don't want to
[00:09:30] Sam: bring like some STD forward into my life.
[00:09:33] Zach: I get it. I guess that's why you carry Magnum Magnums around that's cool, man. You know what mad respect
For all the ladies listening, Sam is very responsible. I take sexual
[00:09:53] Sam: health seriously.
[00:09:57] Zach: I feel like, like, Okay, that's it. I was gonna call you a nerd. Are you gonna call me a nerd
[00:10:02] Sam: for wearing condoms? No, no, I...
[00:10:05] Zach: Only nerds wear condoms. That might be true. You know, I think a lady likes a risky man, you know? I like to live on the edge.
I like to live on the edge. Yeah, man, I don't know. You know, in certain cultures, people have a lot of kids. How many kids do you
[00:10:26] Sam: want? Do you want kids?
[00:10:28] Zach: Yes, I do want kids. I'll take as many as I can take, as I can get. Really?
[00:10:34] Sam: Yeah. You'll just get as many as possible? Yes. Are you worried about raising that many kids?
Or even like the financial burden of that
[00:10:44] Zach: many kids? So, I mean, contingent upon I'm in a place where the setting is conducive to raising many children. Right. I will take as many as I can get. Where I'm currently now in my life. I'm, I don't have kids. I don't feel comfortable raising kids. I don't feel like, like, I can't, I'm in that position right now.
It's very interesting because I feel like getting married or, or, or just partying up and having kids is it's kind of like jumping into the deep end of the pool. You either sink or you swim. I see it with people. I see it with a lot of young Jews that I grew up around who got married really young. No money, nothing.
It's like, Almost, this is what you do. You know, you learn in yeshiva for a few years, and then you get, you date for marriage. And you get married, and you like, maybe you learn for a year, and the parents support you, and you get a job, and you get an apartment, and then eventually, you know, it all works out.
Yeah. It has to work out. Look at, look at all these Jewish communities. Lakewood, it's working out. Right, you just. I'm sure that people are struggling,
[00:12:03] Sam: but like, but the, and the community also supports the community support infrastructure to kind of like create
[00:12:08] Zach: that. You're right, that's true. Good point.
There's a mad infrastructure to create that. It's a conducive, it's a condu, it's a conducive environment.
[00:12:15] Sam: Right. It's like once you're married and have kids, your uncle's like, oh, come work for my thing, and then you have a job
[00:12:19] Zach: and then whatever. Yeah, that's true. I don't want that life, so that's why I'm not married.
I get that. But if I was able to, if I had like a lot of money or want to have a lot of money, And I'm, and I'm able to, like, you know, I'm able, and I'm able to, uh, you know, get a compound off the grid. Self
[00:12:39] Sam: sustaining. Self sustaining, is that where you're gonna raise all your kids?
[00:12:43] Zach: In the barn, on a farm.
Yeah, I would like to raise my kids, like, in that way. I know that sounds crazy, but...
[00:12:51] Sam: All with one wife, or are you going to pull a King David
[00:12:54] Zach: slash Solomon? Yeah, you know, I do want one with one wife, because I don't know how to have two wives. That sounds stressful.
[00:13:02] Sam: What, with one wife? No, like, having multiple wives sounds very stressful.
It doesn't
[00:13:05] Zach: sound stressful. Really? Because I think this, in that, in the environment in that place was, that's, see, if you travel the world, when you travel the world, you see other cultures, there are people with many children. Like in Barbados. I know I'm not trying to sound racist here, but like, you know, you go to, or Arab cultures, right?
Or Bedouin cultures. There's like the Bedouin, you know, father, Abu Mazen. Is that racist? I don't
[00:13:33] Sam: know.
[00:13:34] Zach: Let's go forward. Let's check the racist, uh, uh,
[00:13:38] Sam: meter. I mean, is it racist? I don't know. And now we're back to, is
[00:13:43] Zach: this racist? But, okay, fine. Abu something. Abu means father.
[00:13:48] Sam: Yeah, Abu something. If we cut out the last name, then it's probably fine.
Alright,
[00:13:51] Zach: Abu Zach. Let's call it that, okay? Picture me. I'm a Bedouin, okay? Abu Zach. I live in a small village. I'm the king of the village. I'm like the head of the village. I have multiple women. I have multiple children. And it's like known, and it's said, and everyone supports
[00:14:06] Sam: it. Yeah, everyone supports your
[00:14:08] Zach: polygamy.
No, it just, yeah, it's like, it's like, I, I, I see it, I see it all, I, I've seen it, I've seen it in like, in like third world countries, where there's like one guy, and he's got like 12 kids from different women, and they're all like, they call, some people call it baby mamas, right? There's like,
[00:14:28] Sam: it's a thing. No, it's a thing.
[00:14:30] Zach: In our western... And a little cold. We, we have a very
[00:14:33] Sam: specific society tructure
[00:14:35] Zach: to it. It doesn't work. It's like you can't just go around impregnating people and, and, and it works. It doesn't, no, it does not work. Especially, yeah, we live in a society where like, you know, in our, in Brooklyn, New York, it's not gonna work.
But if you're like off the grid somewhere, not the grid, would, would
[00:14:51] Sam: you want to be in a place where it worked? Does that sound interesting
[00:14:55] Zach: to you? Oh man, that's actually a really good question. Would I want to be, first of all, if I can learn how to be comfortable with myself and love myself, and exude confidence with myself, and I learn how to play with other people, and I say play, play.
Life is about playing. Then, it's possible that I can have multiple women. I don't think it's possible, honestly, as I'm saying it. I think like, back in the day in the kingdom, in the Old Testament times, That was just the way of the world. It was a different time. If you're a wealthy individual, you have multiple women.
And maybe the women didn't really, you know, I'm sure they had the same emotions, like jealousy, envy, anger. But it was like, you were brought up in that way of life. Like, yeah. Yeah,
[00:15:48] Sam: and there was also, I mean, you know, an, an, an, uh, It's not the way of life today. Systematized objectification.
[00:15:56] Zach: You know what's funny, I realized during this podcast, I'm sounding like a misogynistic pig.
But I'm really not. I'm just trying to like, explore these realms. You're
[00:16:06] Sam: trying to explore the
[00:16:06] Zach: realms of misogyny. No, I'm trying to, I'm trying to explore the realms of like, of like having multiple wives, for example, right? Like, what does that mean to you? Okay, so today, in the society that I grew up in right now, 2023, I, of course I'm not going to have multiple wives, and I only want one wife.
You know? Yeah, that's the truth. I would love to have one wife who I love dearly, who I get to Ravage after a long day working the land. Working the land, I feel like, and you know, and I love her and yeah. And we raise children together. Mm-hmm. and we, and life's an adventure. And we have like, we pop out like six little blonde surfer kids and we, uh, Surf all day and eat coconuts.
Where are you living? You're working
[00:16:57] Sam: the land and
[00:16:57] Zach: surfing all day? I'm just picturing myself as Jack Johnson. I don't even know who that is. He's like a singer.
Singing So you're like a tropical singer. What's up? Yeah, like
Singing I'm trying to get to the bridge, the chorus, but I can't
Oh, we're better together. You know that song? Singing I want a
[00:17:26] Sam: wife. I'm pretty stoked about that. I'm like, I think I've been honestly anxious lately about it, about like finding this, this like mythical person and like how it'll happen and when it'll happen. And if it'll happen, it creates some amount of anxiety for me lately.
[00:17:45] Zach: That is interesting. Go on about that. Because it's very, uh, what I'm saying is interesting is because I was thinking that Before we started the podcast, you said that you found your job on Birthright. I did. Yeah,
[00:17:57] Sam: I just started a new job and the I was very excited about And the CEO of this new company that I joined, I met him on my birthright trip.
We became fast friends and now we work together
[00:18:12] Zach: with colleagues. Right, so like, now you're saying that you're anxious about finding your wife. Hey, you never know. Like, just like you found your new job.
[00:18:21] Sam: Right, I mean, well that's the thing, and you know, this speaks to like a bigger, broader thing, which is just like trust.
Yeah. Just like fundamental trust that it'll work out. I don't know lately I mean, you know, I went through like a pretty minor breakup lately that kind of got me a little bit down and then
It's just it's been like an interesting time in dating an ex girlfriend of mine who I'm very close with just started dating somebody new and that's been like I'm
[00:18:53] Zach: very glad for her. No, no, no, not at all.
[00:18:55] Sam: Don't feel that way at all. Um, I'm very happy for her.
Actually, the guy that she's now dating is another close friend of mine. I think they could be an amazing couple and could make each other very happy. Um, but it definitely has like, led to some amount of anxiety on my part. Like, Oh, when is my time? When is my person coming? What am I gonna be like? In this partnership with somebody and feel like secure in it.
[00:19:26] Zach: Yeah, that's normal Everyone has those thoughts I'm not gonna sugarcoat it. It's a normal thought. It's a normal feeling. I It's so interesting man these past like few weeks I've been so cold to people not like to you not like it You know, but meaning that response like okay. I saw my friend Ben see the other day literally maybe today or yesterday.
Mm hmm And he just always sounds down. He's always down. He did just lose his dad like a month ago. So like that. But even before that. He was just always depressed. And then, I just told him. I'm like, yo, you're always depressed. I didn't say it like that. But I said it pretty much like that. And he's like, that's a bold statement.
I'm like, I know it's a bold statement. But I'm just pointing it out. Maybe nobody ever points it out. But like, I just noticed, even before your dad passed away. You've been really down all the time, you know? Yeah. So, like, what's going on? Like, tell me what's going on. Like, sometimes you gotta bring things to light.
Like, what's really going on? What, like, what, I always find that Like depression, anxiety are manifestations of un of like things that are being bottled up or un Totally. You know? And
[00:20:44] Sam: did you, did he like get into it? Yeah, he
[00:20:46] Zach: told me. Yeah, he did. He got into it a little bit. That's really cool. I felt dumb about it, like I just, I couldn't lie.
Because I was like, oh that's, you know, you don't want to make people feel bad or you don't want to make people feel like, you don't want to put them in more pain. Yeah, I mean definitely
[00:20:57] Sam: true but, but also with friendships it feels like, You know, like sometimes, sometimes friendships are more than just having a good time together.
[00:21:07] Zach: Yeah, but this friend is very interesting. He never calls me and says, Hey Zach, how are you doing? I'm always calling him and asking me how he's doing. I have friends like that. And then today I went to, I went to this plant, this massive garden superstore, like near my work. Massive. And there was a Zoltar.
You know Zoltar? Nah, I don't know that. Dude, Zoltar is a rare machine. Zoltar is like this, like, fortune teller. He's in a box. I know exactly what you're
[00:21:32] Sam: talking about. Yeah.
[00:21:33] Zach: Okay. You put a dollar in it and it tells you a rare machine. It really is. It's like, wow, Zoltar. Wow. dollar and he told me. He's like you have to let go of friends are not serving you no way I was like fuck, you know I like thinking of putting Bensy on like like letting him go dropping him off The problem is he does serve me in other ways.
He's like he but first in selfish ways I'm like he serves me like I'm meaning like he's got like a house by the beach and he's very generous When we go to restaurants and he's got money and you know, so like I feel like maybe I do Yeah, probably, like, you know, if I want to go to the beach, I just go to Benji's house, you know?
Mm hmm. And if he says, hey, you want to go out to a restaurant? I know he's paying. Mm hmm. So it's like, that's a very, it's not a healthy, I don't think it's the best relationship, if I'm being honest. I mean, it's not the best
[00:22:32] Sam: if you don't like
[00:22:34] Zach: hanging out with him. I don't like, I sometimes like hanging out with him, but like, but sometimes it's like, He's very emotional.
He's too emotional. But sometimes we have a lot of fun. Sometimes we have so much fun together. Like we play football on the beach. You know, there's a lot of good times too. Like we play football on the beach. You know, we'll go upstate to the creek, we'll like eat at a cool, like, it's, it's a, it's a good friendship.
We do, we do have a good friendship,
[00:23:02] Sam: that is the truth. I think that with friendships, it's also important to not just be asking like, how could, how is this person serving me, but also how can I be serving?
[00:23:12] Zach: I know I'm, I've, I'm probably going through a lot of shit too. That's the truth also. Well, that's, well,
[00:23:16] Sam: that's part of it, you know, it's like, it's like you, you also can't fill other people's cups until your
[00:23:22] Zach: cup is full.
I, I feel like I, yeah, I feel like our relationship is like, interesting. I feel like a very, yeah. So back to what you're saying about what you're about, um, about like, um, when's your time gonna come? I, I just feel, I feel like that's just a normal thought, you know, that. You have to just like see it as that.
Like, hey, there's that thought, there's that feeling,
[00:23:44] Sam: right? It's just like letting it in and accepting
[00:23:47] Zach: it. Yeah. Because the truth is like, bro, you're pretty active on, uh, you know, with
dating
[00:23:52] Sam: and Yeah, I am, I am pretty active with dating, but
[00:23:54] Zach: I feel like, and you're social and you, and you and you travel and you go, you go to new places, you put yourself in new situations.
So just, just like my brother, he met his wife on an airplane. Really? Yeah, he was flying home from Israel, home, and like, he was playing a game on his phone. I think he was playing Settlers of Catan on his phone. And I think it was like, girl picked over, nosy girl, and she's like, Hey, is that Settlers of Catan?
And he's like, yeah. And then, cool. And then, uh, and then he came home, he's like, Hey, Mom and Dad, I met a girl on the plane. But don't worry, I'm not gonna like rush into things, we're gonna take it slow. And then he got engaged like two weeks later. No way. No way. Two weeks later. I mean, I don't know if it's two weeks, but it was very, very quick,
[00:24:43] Sam: very fast.
And they're like, they're still together. They're happy.
[00:24:45] Zach: They're married. They got married. Wow. Yeah. And my brother got divorced originally, so it's like, this is his, he got remarried. Oh, second marriage. Second marriage. So like, my point is, is that hey, you never know. You'll meet your person. You can be your person, you know, any, anywhere.
It's a, that's the truth. It is the truth. And what are your, and, and, um, yeah. You know, these thoughts come in and they, and they make you feel like promise these. Intrusive thoughts are little fuckers, you know, they're such
[00:25:16] Sam: little fuckers, you know, especially when you like, you know, 'cause I, 'cause I, I recently had had a, like, I had a minor breakup.
Like I was kind, I wasn't, I was dating this girl like, for a couple of months, but it wasn't even, it was never very serious. But, but yeah, we broke, we broke it off. And I, and I took it personally 'cause I felt like I was, I was trying to give her a lot of myself and she was not willing to receive
[00:25:37] Zach: it. Yeah, well,
[00:25:39] Sam: and that made me feel like totally like down on myself, you know, and I know that that's not the case You know, like intellectually, okay I see how like X Y Z is happening in this person's life and like they're not in this place to engage and whatever and You know what also sometimes like the way that you feel in the way that someone else feels are not the same Like I've broken up with people even recently who like felt pretty strongly about me And I did not feel that way about them.
And so I just had to like Cut it off because I didn't want to hurt them. Um,
[00:26:17] Zach: but, uh, How come you didn't want to cut it off with this girl? It's to me, based on what you told me just now, in this little limited time, Um, that, I
[00:26:27] Sam: don't know, something like deep in my heart told me that like, Told me that I wanted to explore what a relationship with her would look like.
Hmm, interesting. It was, it was totally instinctive. It was totally like... Got it. And we were, and it was interesting because we were getting a lot of like external reflections of positive energy. What does that mean? Like, you know, it'd be like we'd walk, be walking on the street together and then people would like stop us and be like, Oh my gosh,
[00:26:53] Zach: you're such interesting.
That's so interesting.
[00:26:54] Sam: Yeah, like that kind of stuff happened pretty constantly with her. Every time that happened, I was like, Oh, whoa,
[00:27:01] Zach: like that's like a matrix attack, you know, right? It felt like that dude. Yeah, there I go. Andrew tating again. What do you mean? He always says matrix.
[00:27:11] Sam: What does that mean?
Matrix?
[00:27:12] Zach: I don't even know what that actually, but, but I was using that in the context. You understood a matrix attack. Like the matrix, the people are like, Okay. Uh, you know, uh, uh, acknowledging something. Normally people won't do that. Right, exactly.
[00:27:29] Sam: Especially in New York City. Which made it feel like there was something
[00:27:31] Zach: substantial going on.
Yeah, it's like a, it's a mindfuck. Because normally, normally people don't, people keep to themselves. They don't talk to you. They're, you know. It
[00:27:38] Sam: was a pretty major mindfuck. Because it happened on multiple occasions.
[00:27:40] Zach: Yeah, well, okay, so were you guys at bars? Were people drunk? You know?
[00:27:45] Sam: No, there was one time that our first date we were sitting on like a public bench on the Upper West Side.
And some random guy walking his dog, like, walked past us and stopped, and I was like, Oh my gosh, you should get married.
[00:27:57] Zach: Yeah, that's very weird, man. People like to live vicariously through people, so it's like, I do it too. I get it. Ah, so they live vicariously through people, that's an interesting take. But this person, so this person who you broke up with, Yeah, like you had a lot of feedback from the the world around you which led you to want to explore it further I that
[00:28:19] Sam: I don't know if that was like the entirety.
I also liked her Like I thought we had a really great time together. We were kind of like spiritually on the sort of similar
[00:28:27] Zach: wavelengths Well, Sam, we actually have her Will you come out we bring bring out a Sam's girl
Can you tell us why you were not willing to receive Sam's love? Oh, you don't want to talk now? Okay, fine. Oh, you don't want to talk. Alright, uh, dude, that's crazy, Sam. I'm sorry. Honestly, based on everything you said, I want to say I'm sorry. That's tough. Everything is valid. Your emotions are valid. Thank you for validating my emotions.
You're welcome. Meaning like, that is, that's, that's a, that's a mind trip. It's a mind trip. It's a bit of a trip. Especially when you want to get married, or you want to be in a relationship. Yeah, and you know, it's um, And this person like, kind of felt like it's potential. Definitely, and
[00:29:25] Sam: that's where it was.
[00:29:26] Zach: And also it's like, it's like hope goes and then it goes pfft.
[00:29:29] Sam: And it's been relatively new that I um, Want to be in a relationship like that. Really? Yeah, it's been it's been in the last few months that I've been like really I mean, I've been open to it my whole life But I think it's been relatively recent that it's something that I'm actively like looking for
[00:29:52] Zach: Yeah, it's, it's, it is the time.
Life is beautiful, but life can also get lonely at a certain point, you know? When you're young, you're, you're, you're in your 20s, you're having a lot of fun. All your friends are like single and, or in relationships, but whatever, you know? And then you hit your 30s. Well, I don't know if you're 30 yet. I'm 28.
Right, so you still have some time. But people start taking their jobs more seriously, and then your friends kind of peter out. And then. It's like fuck. It's time. It's time to uh, settle down and get married and um, raise a family and See, a lot of people are gonna fight me on this. I mean, no! The truth is, like, life gets so lonely.
Like, Think about it. If you're 40 years old and you're, and you're single, or if A woman. You know, the window of having kids closes at a certain point, which is like, it's factual. Totally. And that's scary to think to know, but like, you know, when you're eight, when you're sixty, and you don't have anybody to, you know, like having kids is beautiful.
It's like. Right,
[00:31:03] Sam: it, it, it really sets the stage for like your whole
[00:31:06] Zach: life going forward. Definitely does. And it's also like kind of a
[00:31:11] Sam: part of the human experience. I mean, not for everybody, of course.
[00:31:14] Zach: It is, it is the human experience, not for everyone, but it, you know, it is part of the human experience. And, and it's also a lot, everyone who has kids who I know has said that kids are like changes our life.
Totally. For the, for the better. You know, like, it's, it's very interesting. We, it's, it's, we live in a sensitive time. What do you mean by that? We're like, you have to be careful, you have to like, censor yourself. I'm just sharing what I, what I want. I'm not saying what you should do. What, what do you, what do you feel like you're trying to censor right now?
Well, like, for like, the, for, if anyone, you know, is triggered by what I'm saying, based on like, starting a family, having children, etc. Fuck it, dude. Just say what you mean. I'm just, so, I'm just speaking for myself. What I want, I'm 33. I'm getting older. Time is getting, is going faster and, uh, I want to get married.
I want to, I want to get enmeshed in a relationship with a girl and, uh, start and, and have a fam, and have children with her and raise a family and live like, live, live, like, live, live life like that. Problem with me is, is that I'm, I'm all over the, I always thought like I'm like a free spirited. You know, eagle, who couldn't, who just wants to be in the air all the time and not land.
And that's why I wanted to live like, my dream is, my fantasy is to live a nomadic life. You know, with our family, we spend three months here, three months there. You know, like never one place at one time for a very long period. The idea of like, settling for the long haul makes me scared, but like, I can totally picture myself like, living in like, some nice land, somewhere in nature, relatively close to people, but not like, in, you know, smaller town, and uh, I forgot the, Mr.
Fantastic, have you seen that movie? No. With uh, who was the guy who played, who played uh, the king in Lord of the Rings? Not the king. Viggo Mortens. Yeah, he, so V, V, V, Viggo. I love him. I love him too. I really love that guy. He just, there's a movie, I watched on the airplane, I think it's called Mr. Fantastic or something.
Basically this guy, he like, you know, his wife passed away and he like moved out with his kids, all his like six children to like the middle of the forest and like he, he raises them himself. It's really, it's a cool, it's a fun movie. People will tell you it's not realistic. You know, I realize I've seen clips of that.
[00:33:53] Sam: I saw a clip of them like rock climbing. Yeah.
[00:33:55] Zach: Is that in that movie? I'm not sure but you know, I realize a lot of people say that's not realistic. It's not realistic. It's not realistic. A lot of people will crush your dreams and goals. You know why? I mean, well,
[00:34:05] Sam: just because it's not realistic doesn't mean it's not reality.
[00:34:08] Zach: Bro, you got it. I think you make your reality. Absolutely. I really do believe like they say Maya illusion, right? The world's an illusion. So, when you live in a society, New York City, there's a lot of people, a lot of energy, a lot of feeling, a lot of energy that you're feeling. A lot of people have fixed mindsets.
No, that's not possible. No, you do this. This is the way we do it. Right? And they project that on you. Because there's no way they could possibly see themselves doing that.
But I do believe that, you know, sometimes you put yourself in these... Positions where like the fourth wall cracks open and you're like, holy shit totally get a little arrogant. You're like, wow, look at me I'm surfing with you know with the cosmos.
[00:34:55] Sam: Yeah, and you know, it's like sometimes
Like when you really set an intention and you work hard towards it like serendipity just kind of happens Like yeah, things just kind of manifest into your space and then it's like whoa You know, even with this job that I just started, it's like, you know, I had a meeting yesterday with a executive at Netflix.
Who like works in their video game strategy department.
[00:35:31] Zach: Netflix is doing video games?
[00:35:33] Sam: Yeah, they're doing video games and we had a, we had a meeting with him and it like went pretty well and you know now he's like a connection of ours and we're, it's cool. I met him at a Shabbat dinner at my friend's house like three weeks
[00:35:46] Zach: ago.
Dude, that's wild.
[00:35:49] Sam: Like wild shit, like, you know, and it's like, you don't have to You put in the effort, of course, but then, like, if you just, if you just, like, keep your eyes open, your ears open, and your heart open, shit just kind of happens sometimes.
[00:36:01] Zach: I agree. I've had many of those experiences, but the past few years I've gotten really jaded in myself.
I got locked in because I'm in a dead end job. Yeah. Where, like, the environment is so, like, constrictive. Yeah. That I forgot what we're, like, as I'm talking about, I'm like, oh my god, I remember these beliefs that I used to have. I, but I agree with you. I believe what you're saying is true. Serendipity, serendipitous moments.
[00:36:25] Sam: And it's just about breaking out of that mindset, right? Like, if you're at a dead end job, I think what you're really saying is that you're in a dead end mentality.
[00:36:35] Zach: Dude, this job, it's very interesting. It makes me believe that I can't have any other job. Really? That's the environment. Like, you know, it's like a very high anxiety.
High anxiety. There's no leadership. There's no... It's very... It's, it feels like someone put talons in my brain and squeezing me into like par paralysis. You gotta get out of there, bro. It's so hard for me to get out of there, I've been trying to get out of there for like six years. What do you mean it's been hard for you to get out of there?
I hit a wall every time I want to leave. I hit a wall. Do you try? Do
[00:37:08] Sam: you find new jobs to not resumes, whatever? I'm
[00:37:11] Zach: scared. I'm really scared of like new jobs. I'm just, I'm scared of... I have this like belief that every next job is going to be the same as before. It won't be. I know, but this is my stupid thought.
Just like I thought I'm never going to take the train because I have a car. And now I took the LIRR to work and I'm like, oh my god, this is better than driving. You know, so that's that. My brain, my brain is broken. My thinking is attacking me. You know, there's like, thoughts and feelings in my brain, in my body, that fuel me, that are, that are not my friend.
Today in yoga, the past few yoga classes, I've wanted to rage so hard. Rage. Just rage, like, fuck you. I say it to myself, like, fuck you, you moron, like, get your ass in this position, don't give up. Like, I talk really bad to myself. Oh, wow. But then I realize, like, there's no point in talking bad. I get a little, I get a little, like, good feeling of talking bad to myself.
Like, it feels good. Which, which is not good, but it's like, it's like a double edged sword. You're, you're stabbing yourself while, while trying to defend your, you know, like, by you talking bad to yourself, you're, you're, you're harming yourself more. Totally. But it feels so good. It feels like validating, like, you, I don't know.
Well, are you, are
[00:38:38] Sam: you just validating your negative opinions of
[00:38:40] Zach: yourself? So, I'll tell you what I'm doing these days. These days... I have a lot of, it feels like my nervous system is like fried, and I'm always in flight slash fight mode, always, and I look around and everyone's a threat, and I've been reading not like super, not like a lot, but I'm familiar with like the polyvagal theory, which is uh, which is uh, a theory, which isn't a theory, it's scientifically proven that there's something called a vagus nerve in your body.
That is in charge of regulating your emotions. And you can either be in, there's three, I don't, I don't know the names right now. But there's three settings you can be in. Yeah. You can be in setting one, two, or three. I don't know the names. Okay. Dorsal, I think it was name of one, whatever. And one of the settings is you find you're, you're at peace.
Everyone is a friend. You feel good. You feel confident. Yeah. One of the settings is everyone's a threat. You feel on alert and the other setting is like you feel down and you want to kill yourself. Oh wow. That type of... Today I said to myself in class, I want to kill myself. Did you really? Yeah. But I don't want to heal myself.
You don't want to heal yourself? I don't want to kill myself. But I'm just... But I'm often fighting myself in my brain all the time. So I'm now just not fighting anymore. I'm just like... I'm saying... I'm just... Going with it, you know, like it's like a
[00:40:16] Sam: voice inside of your brain. Yes
[00:40:18] Zach: So this voice my set my voice my brain it says kill yourself, right and and then there's me Says no, I don't want to be thinking these thoughts and then there's a war in my body, right?
So instead of just like fighting my thoughts I go Okay I'll kill myself and I feel like if you like it like releases the ten the this detention inside my body. Who is that
[00:40:41] Sam: voice? Like, when you, when you really like, like, like, search
[00:40:45] Zach: Me. The voice is me. It's all me.
[00:40:47] Sam: Of course it's all you, but like, but that voice that tells you that you want to kill yourself.
Like, where's that coming from? Like
[00:40:55] Zach: It's coming from frustration. Of belief that you'll never, ever get better. In your life. And your life's always gonna be painful. Mmm.
[00:41:06] Sam: A belief that you're just fucked. Yeah.
[00:41:09] Zach: And so what's the point? No, like, you're not, like, you're just Yeah, yeah. Yeah, pretty much. Yes. By the way, I'm never gonna, I would never kill myself.
[00:41:19] Sam: I'm actually not worried about that right now. People have been. But I am curious.
[00:41:28] Zach: Maybe I will, I don't, right now I'm not gonna kill myself. I
[00:41:31] Sam: don't, I'm not, I don't think that you will right now, and, and, like, cause I, I've honestly had suicidal friends before, and like, I kind of know what that looks like, and I don't see that in you right now.
No, I
[00:41:41] Zach: mean, I Chris Scott out too, all the time, you know, these days. No,
[00:41:45] Sam: but, but, but I, but I do think that this is, this is something that
[00:41:48] Zach: like... of energy in me. Ultimately, I think what I really want is love, man.
[00:41:54] Sam: Yeah, this, exactly, like this is, this is something that you're like primed to address right now, right?
I just want love. Like, deal with this now before it's actually a
[00:42:02] Zach: threat. I know, you're right. Today, the teacher... Beautiful teacher. Gorgeous. Gorgeous black woman. And uh, and um, I feel like I wanted to say that because like, You wanted to prove that you to prove that I'm not a racist! Ha ha ha ha!
[00:42:25] Sam: Oh my god, bro.
[00:42:27] Zach: Sexy fucking black woman. I think that actually makes it more racist. I know it does make it more racist. I know, I'm sorry. Beautiful woman with the nicest shape. Shapely physique. And personality. The whole package. What does this have to do with? Oh, she was walking over to people in class being like, Hey, can I adjust you?
Can I adjust you? I'm like, why can't you adjust me? She would put like their hand, Like she would put her hand on their back. Or their leg and like adjust their position. You know? And everyone she was going over to, I'm pretty sure it was gay. Cause like one guy next to me was wearing like, Neon pink. Yoga shorts and he had like, you know, silver hair.
I don't know if that's gay. Maybe. I don't know. Yeah. Okay. But it happens to be the people that, that, the people that he, that she was adjusting were the people that I, that I think are gay. Uhhuh, . So maybe I thought in my head, she's not gonna come over to me because I'm straight. It's possible. It's possible.
And, and, and she knows I'll have, like, weird thoughts about her. But really, all I wanted was, like, a female hand on my back. You wanted attention, dude. Is that attention? Yeah. Attention. It's something nice, like, being touched. Totally. Dude, I haven't been touched in, like, a really long time. Really long time.
Really? Mm hmm. The last time was with my ex girlfriend. And after that, I, like, became, like... Never. You know, it's like, I don't know, it's so stubborn, I became like a... You became like jaded and
[00:44:14] Sam: stubborn after that. Yeah. How long ago was that?
[00:44:16] Zach: I want to say like, close to two years. That is a long time. I haven't been touched in like two years.
Wow. And I love getting, like, getting it on. I
[00:44:26] Sam: mean, it's not even like, it seems like, in what you're saying right now, it's not even like a sexual thing as much as it's like a
[00:44:32] Zach: comfort. You know, I happen to find myself really horny these days. Whereas I wasn't, you know, a few months ago. Okay. I don't know what horny means.
When I see attractive women on the street, I get, you know, I get like, aroused. Not aroused, like, you know, weirdly, but like, a good feeling in my stomach. Butterflies. I get that. That girl's beautiful.
[00:44:58] Sam: She's gorgeous. Sometimes I feel like that too. I totally get it. You know? And I get you saying that it's kind of seasonal because I kind of feel that as well sometimes.
[00:45:06] Zach: And I think that every time I was with a girl, sexually, physically, when I leave I feel like I just went through 10, 000 years of therapy. When I walk home. You feel like it's a healing experience. 100% sexual healing totally when I when I you know when I leave any form of physical contact with somebody you know you're able to express yourself yeah in that way I leave I feel like a million bucks I just got a car wash my body my brain my mind my soul you know well does that resonate
[00:45:40] Sam: with you yeah I mean sometimes there are other times to be honest where I feel like the opposite where I feel like Drained and, and gross afterwards.
Right, well
[00:45:49] Zach: that's, that's how you know it's not a good, it wasn't a good situation for you. Absolutely. But, very repressed is what I'm trying to say. And I think I have a lot of repressed energy in me. And it's coming out in very interesting ways. You know, and I think... We need to, I think, I'm not blaming society, but we live in a, I think we live in a, I think we're beginning to live in a more repressed culture.
Like, the 70s was a cultural revolution, right? 60s, 70s. Look at the 70s music. The music in the 70s. Look at the art in the 70s. There's practically, like, naked breasts on, on like, on, uh, what are they called? Not CDs. Record covers. I swear, go to the 70s, go through an old record store, look at the records in the 1970s.
It's like... You see some dude wearing crazy chaps, and like four naked women behind him, and it's like, you know, Martin Steel's. Yeah. Like Ator,
[00:46:49] Sam: you know, whatever. There's, there's definitely a, a, there's a
[00:46:52] Zach: sexual revolution. There's,
[00:46:54] Sam: there's definitely a movement against that. I don't even know if it's a movement against Texas.
I mean, certainly there's a lot of like sexual energy that happens in the world. There's definitely a puritanical sort of idealism that happens right now.
[00:47:08] Zach: When I was in I feel it myself,
[00:47:10] Sam: to
[00:47:10] Zach: be honest. It's not good, man. When I was in Italy, there was like There's literally, in Italy, vending machines on the street that have condoms and lube.
Because it's a sex Penis gloves. Exactly because it's a sex positive country, right? We need to have a sex We need we need sex pot. We need sexual positivity here here You know like I'm afraid to walk over to women and and talk to them I was talking about
[00:47:36] Sam: this with a good friend this morning
[00:47:39] Zach: The reason why I'm afraid is because I'm afraid of coming off as a creep, you know, like, Go
[00:47:42] Sam: away, you creep!
Me too, I feel that all the time, and the truth, the truth is that, like, it's a, not only is it a valid fear, but it's like a, it's a correct one, like, that, that's real, you know, and I was talking to a friend about this this morning, about how, like, dating feels like a numbers game, uh, and the friend, for context, the friend I'm talking to is a woman, right?
And I was like, you know, on, on it, on it, if I'm on an app, or even in real life, you know, if I'm at a party or whatever, walking up to a girl, talking to them, or like, you know, messaging somebody on an app, it feels like 90% of the time, they want nothing to do with me. 10% of the time, we're engaged.
[00:48:24] Zach: Listen, the dating apps are a whole other story.
Whole other story,
[00:48:27] Sam: agreed, but I feel like this is even true in
[00:48:29] Zach: person. Sometimes I just want to talk to people, women, even guys, without thinking. That I'm a threat. And I know that has nothing to do with them. And it's my projection. But my nervous system is fried. And I'm always in fight or flight mode.
And I'm having suicidal thoughts. Not really, but, you know what I'm saying, like, just a lot of The word
[00:48:55] Sam: suicide is coming up
[00:48:56] Zach: in your thoughts. It's just, no, it's like, kill yourself, you know? Like,
[00:48:59] Sam: just die. Yeah, that's in your thoughts. That's a suicidal thought, bro. So,
[00:49:04] Zach: I'm not primed to mate right now. But I want,
[00:49:08] Sam: is that even true?
I mean, I I think, I think that's also a story that you're telling
[00:49:12] Zach: yourself. The story is, the story that I tell myself is, feels so real. It's not true. That's not true. But it feels true. I'm stuck in an illusion, Sam. I'm stuck in this like You know what it's like? It's like, have you ever watched Rick and Morty?
Yeah. So you know when Rick and Morty, they're playing these video games on like, on like an alien planet, and Rick, and like Morty lives his whole life out? Yeah, the Roy game. Yes! Oh my god, the Roy game! I got stuck in this stupid game, I don't know when, and I'm like, fuck, I gotta respawn, quick, y'know? You are in control, dude.
By the way, when I was a kid, I totally thought, I believe this, I had these thoughts when I was a kid, when I was young, when I was a little, little kid. First, I thought, I tried to conceive of who Hashem was. This is Hashem's hot tub. And I couldn't really conceive of Hashem. Yeah. I got this like, vague, grey type of thing in the sky.
Didn't really make sense. But, I always thought, when I die... What's gonna, like, I think, what's gonna happen when I die? I'm like, oh. When you die, you're just gonna wake up and people are gonna be like, hey Well, you know like you were out for a long time. How long was I out for? You know, I don't know 104 years.
I don't know what I'm just you know, my point is like you're gonna wake up. You're gonna wake you know Oh, I thought oh, no. Sorry. That's I I'm mistaken. That's not what I thought. I thought that one day I'm gonna wake up and I'm gonna be back in my fort in fourth grade. Like I'm gonna wake up tomorrow And my mom would be like, like, Get dressed for school!
Like, what? And I'm, it's fourth grade.
[00:50:57] Sam: Yeah, but the reality is that that's not the case, and you know, maybe that even isn't the case, but we're here now. Have you ever thought that? It doesn't matter. Like, I actually think that questions like this are stupid.
[00:51:08] Zach: I'm not questioning, I just had this thought. Yeah, I
[00:51:11] Sam: know, but Fun thought experiment.
I've, I've, I've always and people have always said that to me. On like, on all of these like, whatever, these spiritual inclinations, whatever. The question of what happens after we die. Right,
[00:51:24] Zach: I made a mistake. It wasn't after I died. I think it I take it all back,
[00:51:27] Sam: by the way. I think, well, it's not even, I'm not even saying that you're wrong or like whatever.
No, no, no,
[00:51:30] Zach: I made a mistake. That wasn't even a question. I didn't think about that. And that was, I don't know why I tied that in. That had nothing to do with what happens after you die. I just had a thought, when I was a kid. That I'm gonna wake up and I'll be, and it's really me. I'm six years old. And I dre this whole thing's a dream, like right now.
This, what we're doing, is a dream, and I'm gonna wake up, and I'll be six years old. And I'm I have to get go to school. That's that. Now, but but I hear but, I wanna hear what you're saying now about, um, what happens after you die.
[00:51:59] Sam: I I think that people I think the qu the question, the great I mean, it's the great human question, right?
Like, death is the thing that we all experience. Rich, poor, young, old. Death is coming for us. And coming soon. And it's this great tremendous mystery that exists. And, and, and so many systems of belief, including Judaism to some degree, have, or, or are even sometimes constructed around stories. But what happens after this great moment, this great, terrible, fearful mystery?
I think it's so stupid because the truth is that it's the one question that we'll never have answers
[00:52:43] Zach: to. Why isn't that's so, it's so. Wow, that is incredible. Think, if you think about it,
[00:52:51] Sam: there's never been a person alive who knows what death really is.
[00:52:54] Zach: Well, there have been people that have had near death experiences
[00:52:58] Sam: there, people near death there.
There even been people who have died and then come back to life, you know, through like heart attack machines or whatever. Right? But even then, like they don't, they report back. They report back to some degree, but like
[00:53:13] Zach: they don't know what is that? It's very poss, right? Like it's very possible that the drugs people that take D M T.
You go through this whole, this whole, another dimension. I, I don't, I, honestly, this is another podcast. You ever heard of the Eleusinian Mysteries? No, what's that? So, in the Greek times, there was a temple called the Temple of Eleusis. Mm hmm. I think I might be pronouncing it right, but... Wrong, but there's a the Eleusinian Mysteries was a rite of passage for important people like Socrates and Aristotle People of importance of great importance would be invited to participate in a ceremony where they would drink this ergot blend Some sort of beer with ergot in it, and then they would be led down to this chamber, and they would have this experience where they would die And that would be like a pivotal experience for them.
Like how, how would they
[00:54:16] Sam: die?
[00:54:17] Zach: They wouldn't die. It was a, it was a, it was a profound psychedelic experience. It's like taking a lot of mushrooms or a lot of D M T. Ergo is the, is what's an L S D, right? Synthes. L S D is synthesized for me. Ergot correct it.
[00:54:33] Sam: I actually know. Yes. So I know, I know that D M T is synthesized.
Around the chemical that we secrete when we die in
[00:54:39] Zach: our brain. That, I've heard, but I know for sure that ergot, the, is a fungus, on wheat, is synthesized, is LSD is synthesized from that fungus. So, ergot, which is a fungus that grows in wheat, uh, they would use it to, uh, have profound spiritual experiences.
And it was normal. It was like a normal, like, look at, uh, Peru, people who live in rain, in the rainforest or in the jungle. Shamanistic cultures, they, it's, it's all about having a, a, a mystical experience, right? Like, ayahuasca. And, and, and
[00:55:13] Sam: simulating death to some
[00:55:14] Zach: degree. Well, that's ayahuasca. I've never done it, so I can't, I don't know, I can't, you know, I have no experience, but, yeah.
But, um, it seems like civilization has, that it was part of the practice of a civilization to have some sort of deep, profound experience where they would simulate death. Yeah. And, uh, so that you can live. Which, uh, is another podcast, because this is going down the rabbit hole, but, um,
[00:55:47] Sam: Well, I think this is all to say that regard, and the reason that I think the question of, like, what happens after we die is, I'm not gonna take, I'm gonna take back the word dumb, but say unimportant, is that the reality is that we're just
[00:56:06] Zach: here.
Right, you have to accept reality as it is. In this
[00:56:09] Sam: time, in this moment, we're here, we're alive, we're sitting here in my apartment recording an episode of Hashem's Hot Tub. This is, this is the life that we,
[00:56:18] Zach: What number, what number are we at? This is
[00:56:20] Sam: five
[00:56:22] Zach: or six. Wow, that's amazing. Yeah, I know. Snap, snap, snap.
That's awesome. Um,
[00:56:30] Sam: and the reality is that, you know, this is, this is the life that we've been given to a very large degree as well, the life that we've chosen. We chose
[00:56:36] Zach: to be here tonight. It's so wild, man. It's so wild that we're human beings. Having a human experience. It's absolutely crazy. Because you could, because like, anyone could, not like anyone could be, but there are other animals in the world, like ants and, and elephants, who have a totally different experience, and we are an animal, we are animal with, you, with god like powers.
It's unbelievable. God like responsibility. And here we are. Man was created in the image of God. And I, and I think
[00:57:10] Sam: that this is like the really critical part is like, and I think this, this speaks to a lot of the, the, the fear and the anxiety and even the, you know, suicidal thoughts you've been having is like, we're in control in this life.
There are things that are outside of our control. Of course, we can't, we don't control the world. We are not God. So why do, why does the same time, we
[00:57:39] Zach: control ourselves. Why does the illusion in my brain make me feel like, like I'm in control, when I'm not in control? Meaning, the serendipity that comes into your life is not coming into your life because you're controlling the situation.
They're coming ha haphazardly.
[00:57:58] Sam: But but but you're but you're putting in a and and and changing energy. And you're going with the flow. You you can walk into your job tomorrow and
[00:58:05] Zach: quit. I wanna do that. You literally could. And I'm so afraid that I'll have no money, and then I'll have to move back home with my parents, and I'm not gonna find a job.
It's like it's such bullshit. I don't have clarity. Like like, it's it feels like there's a gap right now, and I have to take the next step. I'm afraid, because I'm gonna fall into this deep, endless chasm.
[00:58:25] Sam: But, but, again, the word that you're using over and over again is afraid. I am afraid. And yet, what is
[00:58:32] Zach: courage?
I know, I don't, I, I need, I pray for courage. Courage, courage, courage
[00:58:37] Sam: is
[00:58:37] Zach: acting. I really do, I pray
[00:58:39] Sam: for courage. Courage is acting in the face of fear. Yeah. You're gonna be, I'm afraid all the time. You're gonna be afraid. I just told you that I'm afraid of being alone, right? I I just did.
[00:58:52] Zach: Worst case scenario.
Hanashem's hot tub. Great. Where dreams come true.
[00:58:56] Sam: You know, like, like, in, in the worst case scenario, if you did, you know, quit your job or whatever, you could find a new one. You could be a barista. You just told me that you've been a barista before. That's true, I could be a barista. There's a thousand things that, like, could be done to make scratch.
[00:59:09] Zach: I could make scratch. I could make scratch. I know that you could. Well, I need to return my car first. Once I return my car, I'll have more leeway. Because that'll be a big chunk of change that, like, That it's freed up every month. Yeah, that'll be, like, close to 700 bucks. A month freed up. I'm getting a motorcycle soon.
Are you? Yeah. For cheap, for like $177 a month. Oh wow. My friends are gonna rent me his, he's like, he's traveling the world right now. He's gonna go to China to, to to learn. Shalin. Kungfu. Yeah. So you can rent his motorcycle. It's actually cheaper than the train And the motorcycle's cheaper than the train.
Well, 'cause I work in, in Long Island, so like, not for long. Hopefully not for long Yeah, um, I want I want to I want to like see what I can do and believe in myself because like The thoughts in my brain are like making me, uh, believe that I'm not capable of it, et cetera. Right, but that takes action, dude.
I know, I agree with you. And, but, and it takes courage to act in the face of, I don't know, but yeah. And it takes courage,
[01:00:17] Sam: and also it takes commitment. You know, it takes commitment to yourself and a commitment to your actions to say like, to say, okay, like, this is what I want out of my life and I'm gonna hold myself accountable.
Yeah. To create the life that
[01:00:32] Zach: I imagine. I feel like... You know, I'm really hard on myself, like most people are. So, I don't know, actually I'm not going to say anymore, like most people are. I am hard on myself, and I don't feel like I'm working hard enough. And that may be so, maybe I'm not working hard enough.
Actually, I'm not working hard enough. But, I am doing this, I am doing enough. I am, I'm here, I showed up. You know, I go to work, I show up. Go to yoga, I show up. I have an apartment, you know, I'm doing, I'm doing things. Yeah. So, I have to just put myself in more, I have to put myself in more, in more situations.
And I also have to let go, and not rely on my, on like, certain beliefs in, in my body that make me, you know, like, put myself in more open. Before I came here, dude, I was like, going crazy in my head. Really? Yeah. What were you saying? No, I'm saying like, before I got to your house. Yeah, what was happening in your head?
I told you. Everything. Raging, bro. Raging. Oh, right, right, right. Yeah. I almost wanted to tell you like, hey, I can't do, I can't come. I don't want to come tonight. It's too much for me. Train, I'm on the train, I'm like, complaining. My brain's complaining. Yeah. Train is too hot. I'm carrying my 50 pound one wheel around.
I'm an idiot. You know, there's just a lot of these thoughts. Yeah. Like, dude, just stop it. I had a crazy thought about the holocaust and it sounds so crazy. I don't like, I don't even want to bring it up But I'm gonna bring it up. I was like thinking do you think the holocaust happened to like temper the Jews?
Temper, you know, like like you have to be you have to like go through hardships to like become a stronger Yeah, so like which is dumb. I don't want it. There's no answer to that There's no answer to that. I thought like oh like I don't know Do you think God wanted to shake things up like Jews were getting too comfortable?
God's chosen people were getting too comfy in Europe, and he's like, we gotta shake shit up.
[01:02:40] Sam: Maybe. I don't know. I can't speak for God's intentions.
[01:02:45] Zach: I can't speak for God. If I was getting too comfortable, I would, the answer is shake shit up.
[01:02:50] Sam: I mean, I've been that. I've been there, you know, I've, uh, my first girlfriend, the first love of my life.
I literally broke it up with her because I was too comfortable.
[01:02:59] Zach: Wow. Oh, like you were too comfortable?
[01:03:02] Sam: I was so comfortable in that relationship. I was very comfortable. We were like, I was like, you know, not fully, but I was kind of living with her. She was like living in this like beautiful apartment in Chelsea that her wealthy parents were paying for.
And I was just kind of like hanging out there all the time. It was very comfortable. Got it. And, and I told her that I was moving to LA and I, we broke up and I
[01:03:25] Zach: ran away. I got it. I understand. That's good. That's a good move.
[01:03:31] Sam: I... It's a hard move. It broke my heart. Completely, but I don't
[01:03:37] Zach: regret it at all.
Yeah, that, you have to rip off the band aid. Totally. I gotta rip off the band aid. Yeah. But I don't have it, I, yeah, I gotta rip off the band aid. Hashem, hook it up, hook, uh, grant me the courage. Yes. To, and the fortitude, to quell the constriction in my body. And to allow me to see and feel and experience.
The expanse, the expansive, the great expanse, and take a step into that direction. You
[01:04:16] Sam: can do it. Just take the step.
[01:04:18] Zach: You can do it.
[01:04:20] Sam: I know you can, dude. And you're supporting, you have like, friends around you that care, like, you're in a great place.
[01:04:29] Zach: I like this. It feels good. As I was praying just now, I felt like this space open up around me.
It's very interesting. I've somatic things in my body. So if I say Hashem, like God, please, like, I want more money, I'll feel like this constricting in my lower area, like my perineum area, like I'll tighten that up. And then I think that maybe that's not the way to do it. Like you have to like be, like, you have to like be relaxed.
Oh, instead
[01:05:00] Sam: of the
[01:05:00] Zach: constriction, it's the expansion. Yeah, you have to be like relaxed, let everything go. And then, and then you can, you're in a space where you can commune with. Hashem Wow
[01:05:19] Sam: Thank God You're gonna get there dude.
[01:05:27] Zach: I want to say I hope so but like I will also want to know I will get I have To get there you will dude. I had these overwhelming thoughts, bro. You're 33 years old. You're not a relationship You're a dead end job purely take care of yourself. You know, it's all these thoughts Mm hmm. You get those you ever get those thoughts to all the time It's crazy and
[01:05:49] Sam: you know, it just, and, and that, and those thoughts are the reason that my practice of prayer and meditation are like so important for me because without that stuff to ground me, I wouldn't be fell fallen so deep into those thoughts so many times over and thank God every morning I wake up and I pray and I meditate and, and all of that because every morning at like.
Gives me the space to, like, attack the rest of the day. And sometimes I get lost in my shit. Of course, I'm human. Like, I'm not... And I'm an anxious person. Like, as much as I'm also a chill person, like, deep inside, there's a lot of anxiety. Um, but I'm so thankful that I have given myself the diligence to create the space to remind myself daily.
I'm here. I'm human. There's something beyond me. I'm grateful. Let's move forward. It's so weird. It's like, it's changed
[01:06:52] Zach: everything. You know, next time, next podcast, I would love to, uh, take, we should, I would love to go through a meditation with you. Sure. Like, uh, a practice. Yeah, we
[01:07:05] Sam: can do
[01:07:05] Zach: that, for sure. I think, like, it's really important to learn from each other.
That's the Havrita. I haven't been, I, and I, I think one of the reasons why I'm so stuffed up in my, in my emotionally is because I haven't been communicating with people. I've been like, spending a lot of my time alone, and my thoughts stewing in the horse manure.
[01:07:33] Sam: Yeah, I mean, when we isolate ourselves, we lose the reflection that other people give to us. And it's really important to have those reflections. Because without them, like, we get so lost in our shit, you know? I was, I had this morning, this morning I was, you know, I'm very down on myself about women in particular.
I mean, it's funny because I've been like going on dates and like I have a lot of people that are, have been interested in me and I've been a bit interested in them, but whatever. I've been dating is the point here. And, you know, but there's like this one girl that broke off with, broke up with me and then there's this other girl that I had a crush on who kind of ghosted me.
And, um, I was very down on myself. Very down on myself. And. My close friend who I spoke with this morning, who's actually an ex girlfriend of mine, Um, it was so beautiful. She was like, Sam, any woman would be lucky for you to like, come up and want to talk to them. And I, I never even heard that. I never even considered that.
That's so
[01:08:39] Zach: weird that your ex girlfriend's telling you this. I never even considered that. It's like a dream. It's like she's died, and she's like coming to you in a dream and saying
[01:08:46] Sam: She's so sweet. She's the greatest person. I love her so
[01:08:49] Zach: much. Is she hooked? Is she connected? Does she have a boyfriend? So she's the one who just
[01:08:53] Sam: recently started
[01:08:53] Zach: dating another friend of mine.
That's so weird, Sam. It sounds like a perfect girl for you.
[01:09:01] Sam: I don't know, there's always, there's always something about it that like held
[01:09:04] Zach: me back. I get it. I understand. You know what it is? I'm a stories person. I love stories. Yeah. I see the whole world in stories. Yeah, so do I. So, the story sounds good.
Yeah. I saw John Wick on the train today. Uh huh. Not like the movie, but the actual guy. You saw Keanu Reeves? Not Keanu Reeves, I saw this guy. At the end of the subway car, he had this like, it looks like he's been through hell and high water in his life. Maybe in his fifties, early fifties. And he had this beautiful, like, old, um, like German shepherd.
Yeah. On the elderly side. He like kind of wired his mouth shut with rope. Sorry, he had like a little string that he like used as a muzzle. Yeah. But it kind of felt bad for the dog. I saw this, like, hardened man in the corner of the train, like, slumped over, like, giving so much love to the dog, like, scratching him behind his ear.
And I'm like, this guy is the real John Wick. Like, I'm just waiting for people to come and kidnap his dog. And then, you know, he's gonna go crazy. And that's what I thought about, like, be fun. I thought, I looked and I saw in the mirror and I saw myself very white. I was like, imagine I was a vampire and no one knew on this train.
And then I thought, what would it be like to be, to like, have a community of vampires in New York City? But no one knows that there are vampires. And then you told me about this movie, this show called What We Do in the Shadows. Yeah. Which I gotta watch. I never watched it before. It's really good. Waika Taika.
Yeah, Waika Taikiti. Yeah, dude, he's directing a movie next year. I don't know when, but soon. The Inkal. Which is very important. He's directing the in call. Yes. Interesting. To the in call. So Alejandro Roski is like, yeah, he's, I really wanna meet him so badly. I gotta, I gotta meet him. He's, he's like, he's, he's getting up there.
He's in his nineties. Yeah. He's old. We gotta go. We gotta go to France. Could we do that? You think? We can do that? We can go to France if we want to meet him specifically. He doesn't speak English. Oh well then, or French real quick. Speak Spanish and French it to Spanish or French very quickly. Like Alejandro, heal me, heal me.
I'm ready, just heal me. What do you got to do? You want me to get naked and bathe myself? You think he's gonna heal you? Yeah, I think Alejandro's gonna heal me. And this is how he's gonna heal me. He's gonna say, get naked, bathe in clay, then the clay's gonna harden, and then I'm gonna knock the clay off of you.
Bro, you can't
[01:11:30] Sam: rely on other
[01:11:31] Zach: people to come and heal you. I, I know. But I want to. Heal yourself. I know.
[01:11:38] Sam: You can. You have the ability.
[01:11:42] Zach: Who heals? Who's the healer? You.
[01:11:45] Sam: I am the only person that can heal yourself is you. Maybe some, some, maybe some people can give Hashem, give you tools. Hashem will give you the strength of you.
I'm Hashem. But you exactly. You have to put in that effort because Please. 'cause you are, you are the aspect of Hashem that will, what did I this work
[01:12:00] Zach: out for you? Okay, fine. I will heal myself. I'm healing myself. Good. Do you think it could be like, done like this? Like, I'm healed? It can start that way.
Before we end this podcast, I want to make an announcement. Yeah. To the people, whoever will be listening. Yeah. I am not a racist, a sexist, a misogynist. Sometimes I explore my crazy thoughts, you know, in an open setting. So that's that. But I'm like a lover of everyone, everything. Yes, you are. All creeds, races, religions, sexuality, I don't care.
I love you all.
[01:12:45] Sam: A lover, a healer, a
[01:12:49] Zach: mensch, a friend. A mensch, yeah.
[01:12:53] Sam: This is Hashem's Hot Tub. Have a great night.