Ever wondered about the intersection of ADHD and PMDD? You're not alone. In our latest episode, we invite you to join us on an insightful journey with our special guest, Cym, as we delve into the complexity of these interconnected conditions. Cym’s experience of her PMDD diagnosis leading her to an ADHD revelation offers a perspective that's rarely discussed, providing a sense of validation for those living with both conditions.
Cym didn't just stop at identifying her conditions, she leveraged this knowledge to create accommodations that fostered her wellbeing. She reveals how her coaching journey re-charted her course from the brink of burnout to a path of self-discovery, helping her build confidence, clarify her core values, and understand her needs better. We also touch upon the overlooked 'ADHD tax' and the profound effect an ADHD diagnosis can have on mental health.
Life with ADHD can be tough, but Cym’s story is one of resilience. We talk about the daily challenges of ADHD, rejection sensitivity, and the pressure of perfection, but also, how Cym is using her diagnosis to manage these challenges. We discuss the role of medication, understanding energy limits, and how to prepare for life's big events. Navigating ADHD is a constant journey, and we hope Cym’s tale will shed light on the path for others. Join us in this episode for a deep dive into ADHD, PMDD, and most importantly, self-understanding.
CONGRATULATIONS TO THE NEWLY WEDS… we hope you had a magical day!
Follow Cym here: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cymantharogers
Outro
This is a special edition episode recorded from a webinar.
Ever wondered about the intersection of ADHD and PMDD? You're not alone. In our latest episode, we invite you to join us on an insightful journey with our special guest, Cym, as we delve into the complexity of these interconnected conditions. Cym’s experience of her PMDD diagnosis leading her to an ADHD revelation offers a perspective that's rarely discussed, providing a sense of validation for those living with both conditions.
Cym didn't just stop at identifying her conditions, she leveraged this knowledge to create accommodations that fostered her wellbeing. She reveals how her coaching journey re-charted her course from the brink of burnout to a path of self-discovery, helping her build confidence, clarify her core values, and understand her needs better. We also touch upon the overlooked 'ADHD tax' and the profound effect an ADHD diagnosis can have on mental health.
Life with ADHD can be tough, but Cym’s story is one of resilience. We talk about the daily challenges of ADHD, rejection sensitivity, and the pressure of perfection, but also, how Cym is using her diagnosis to manage these challenges. We discuss the role of medication, understanding energy limits, and how to prepare for life's big events. Navigating ADHD is a constant journey, and we hope Cym’s tale will shed light on the path for others. Join us in this episode for a deep dive into ADHD, PMDD, and most importantly, self-understanding.
CONGRATULATIONS TO THE NEWLY WEDS… we hope you had a magical day!
Follow Cym here: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cymantharogers
Outro
This is a special edition episode recorded from a webinar.
So hello everyone and welcome to episode two of season two of our podcast, formerly known as ADHDVAS. But we've gone through a bit of a transition and we are going under the guise of she Thrives ADHD. Today, wednesday, and for me that means it's day three of the summer holidays, and that has been very difficult to come to terms with because the year is just speeding past. But also it means that I have the three children at home, which is not always rainbows and unicorns In fact, it's never rainbows and unicorns, not one part of it. So with me today I have my lovely co-host, louise, and the lovely Sam, who is based in the US, and it's currently 10 o'clock in the morning there and three o'clock in the afternoon here. Well, first of all, just say hello to Louise. How are you doing, louise?
Speaker 2:I'm going to say I'm good, but it's a lie, I'm not good. It's day three for you, but it's day three thousand eight five and yeah, I'm ready to give it up, just you know. So, no, I'm not good, but talking to you ladies is going to cheer me right up. I think yes, so it's great to be here.
Speaker 1:And we've got the lovely Sam. Do you want to tell us a little bit about your Sam? And yeah, just explore your journey, how you came to be diagnosed with ADHD and the conversation. Hopefully we'll just ebb and flow from there, awesome. Well, my name is Sam and I'm super excited to be here.
Speaker 3:Like you said, I'm in the US. I currently work both a corporate marketing sales job as well as an imposter syndrome coach, typically focused on the business side of the business. I'm a person with ADHD, so I love doing multiple jobs. I need multiple things going on in my life where I feel bored and just unmotivated. So my ADHD diagnosis story is a little bit different in the sense that I actually was diagnosed with PMDD before I was diagnosed with ADHD. So I was working with my coach and I was working with my coach and I was working with my coach and I was working with my coach.
Speaker 3:And one thing my coach actually does every week, which I really love, is a check-in on a scale from 1 to 10, what's your mood. And every single month on the dot I was a one and she asked me like hey, I don't mean to like be too personal, but like is this the week of your cycle or the week before? It seems that like there's a pattern I've noticed like you're about like a seven, eight almost every other week, but then you're a one or two and these like the last week of the month, and I was like no, I don't know, like I've been on birth control for God knows how many years. So I'd never really worried about that or thought, even thought about it. So I ended up actually bringing up with my therapist and she was like, oh yeah, you probably have PMDD. And I was like, well, I don't even know what that is, what is that? And then she explained how it is. You know that week before your menstrual cycle starts you get, you know, pms, but it's more severe in the sense that you know everything's a little bit extreme and you also have, you know, some suicidal ideation, severe depression thoughts. So it's kind of something that really talks about, given that it's kind of double stigmatized in the sense that you know it interacts with the menstrual cycle that no one wants to talk about, on top of being involved in the mental health, mental illness kind of space. So it kind of covers both of those, hence why no one ever talks about it.
Speaker 3:So I ended up going to my gynecologist, talked about it and she's like, yeah, this is 100% this, like on the dot. And it was like a sense of relief and just like, oh my god, I'm not crazy, like I'm not. You know something that commonly women think of that when they have this before they're diagnosed with it is like bipolar. It's like, oh my god, I thought I was bipolar, I thought I was losing my mind every month and getting that kind of diagnosis gave me that like rush of relief. But what was really interesting is the second question she asked me was like so I looked at your violin. I don't see that you're diagnosed with ADHD. Do you have ADHD as well? Because it was a new doctor of mine and I was like no, but why would you even ask that? And lo and behold, I found out that 50 or I believe it's 50% of women who have PMDD also have ADHD. So that then sent me down a spiral of hmm, maybe I do have ADHD.
Speaker 3:You know, I was in middle school nominated as the most talkative kid. I could talk to a wall. I was always put in the back so I wasn't a distraction. And, like growing up, I've found ways and tools and resources to, you know, mask make myself productive, be successful. But now that I finally got that diagnosis, I'm like that sense of clarity again, that validation that oh, I wasn't lazy, I wasn't crazy, I wasn't unmotivated, I just had ADHD and was undiagnosed. So getting both the PMD diagnosis, which then led to getting the ADHD diagnosis from a psychiatrist shortly after. That appointment was just like such a wave of relief and just opened so many doors for me.
Speaker 1:So you feel as if that was very insightful. You could look you kind of I don't know about you, but I certainly did. You kind of go through a whole reflection period of your entire life, don't you? You look at all the different elements that it possibly could have affected you, which I think goes a long way to well for me. I was treated with antidepressants because I just I didn't understand myself. I had really big emotions, but all those things which I suppose in the eyes of the GP, if he wasn't thinking along the lines of ADHD in those early 2000s, which they definitely weren't in the females they can be forgiven for missing terror, anxiety or depression. But were you ever treated for anxiety or depression?
Speaker 3:So I unfortunately live in New England and New England is dark and cold for a good chunk of the year. We have, like you know, sunshine for maybe three months if we're lucky, just like old England. Yeah, new England is the same way. So I do struggle with seasonal depression, so I've been on antidepressants and struggled with just mental illness challenges in that realm. But I definitely have, you know, there's some underlying anxiety in there that I've been diagnosed with.
Speaker 3:But I think what really? Well, yes, it was relieving. It was also frustrating, I think, getting that diagnosis so late in life, thinking that, like I was the most talkative kid in middle school and yet the male and the boy that got nominated and won it was diagnosed with ADHD. Everyone's like, oh, that kid has ADHD, like we just knew him, like growing up. Like that kid like, oh, you know, did you take your dad out of all? And people would make jokes at him, where it's like it was never even thought of, like maybe she has ADHD too, which I think is really it's interesting and also yet frustrating, I think.
Speaker 2:It's really telling, isn't it? It's that disparity between males and females that we see almost everybody we speak with, and how long, sorry. How old were you when you had your diagnosis?
Speaker 2:So I got it a year ago, so I was 27 and have you found that, like Loris's, it's kind of everything kind of comes together when you get that diagnosis and I think it's really interesting that your gynecologist said that to you. It's really really interesting because, I don't know, maybe the culture's quite different or the advances in our knowledge around ADHD is probably quite different between our countries.
Speaker 1:But you know, I know psychiatrists who don't really understand ADHD or mental healthness myself didn't, would never have thought I had ADHD and so it's really really promising that you know a physical health doctor brought that up with you and actually I think that you know, I think that is a really interesting area to look at as gynecologists, because I think a statistic that I read last month and I don't remember where I read it but something like 70 to 80% of women with ADHD suffer with PMDD. So that's quite reflective of it's a big smile right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:So I asked and, as you say, it's even bigger in women with autism too. It's like 95%, is it? Yeah, so there's this whole, and I don't know how they run things in your country, but, like for us, it's like growing up you know, you learn about health, you learn about, like hormones and puberty all in like school, but it's taught at such like a high level, whereas like you're taught PMS like oh, it's not real, or you're just being dramatic and you get some cramps. No one ever mentioned PMDD. I'm like, I'm 27 years old and didn't know this, but like I've been getting this period for what? Since I was like 10?
Speaker 2:We've been so conditioned, we've been absolutely conditioned to think overall. Haven't we as females that don't make first, put up with it? Just, you know, yeah, you've got pain, but you should still be able to go to work and you know, I remember as a student nurse, so around 2019-20, I remember being in one of the nursing offices.
Speaker 1:Or the age of 19-20. I was like can you count on a 19-20?
Speaker 2:No, laura, not the year 19, I'll come on. I'm not that late diagnosed. I was around 19-20 years of age and, um, I remember them saying I totally didn't get this, saying I've never heard of it before. But these guys I was working with started laughing to themselves. I must have said something that was a little bit abrupt or a bit, you know, probably just sticking up for myself, god forbid. And one of them said oh, liverpool must be playing at home. I had no idea what this meant. You're like a young girl and I know now and I don't know if you get that, sam, because I know obviously you're in the US, so it's got probably even less significance to you. So Liverpool are a football team here who were red, so it was basically she's on a period that Liverpool played at. I didn't know what was going on and I just think, oh my gosh, but we're just kind of we're made to feel some shame and just be quiet.
Speaker 3:You're so small.
Speaker 2:I was just saying make yourself small, yeah, small in every way, isn't it? So it's upsetting. I feel, like you said, you've got that grief of a year around your background and everything you will have experienced and all those struggles.
Speaker 3:Yeah, no, I definitely feel that. I will say, though, I think that there's definitely changes that I've seen and, like you said, I think my doctor bringing it up was like that oh wow, someone who brought up ADHD without me bringing it up or me having to explain myself. She asked me, which I think was really validating. But also, actually, at my corporate job, something I think is really cool is actually last week we have a women's ERG group, employee resource group, and in that Slack channel someone asked menstrual cycles or something we all experienced, but no one ever talks about it because there is so much shame in this. So I want to just talk about what are the struggles you have about it.
Speaker 3:Do you bring this up to your manager if you're going through a tough time or need to take a break from work and a flood of Slack messages come in of women sharing their stories and things that you're like, oh my god, I mean, I get mine and obviously I struggle with PMDD. But some women are like, no, sometimes I'm on a call and I put myself on mute and I'm throwing up because I'm so sick or my cramps are so bad. I have to take my calls from bed and you're just like if any man went through this we would hear so much about it. But because of the outrage, can you imagine, and because we're women and we're told make yourself small, quiet, feel that shame. No one talks about it. So you feel so isolated, you feel so alone, whereas everyone around you is going through it too.
Speaker 2:And you've got to appreciate that also. It's not just men, it's other women, and I think that's probably even more distressing. But that's how we've been conditioned, isn't it? That's how generations before us have been conditioned you just get on with it. Why can't you just get on with it, just so what? You're in pain, you're bleeding uncontrollably and you feel suicidal. It'll pass, so get over it. And even Sam, listening to you talk just earlier on, when you were talking about your initial symptoms even the way you said it I felt really depressed, suicidal. It was almost like you're reeling off a shopping list, isn't it? But actually that's a really distressing thing for you to go through. It's really, really needs some validation, really needs attention and you need care during that time. But we're just so conditioned to think, oh yeah, I'll get over it, it'll be fine, so yeah.
Speaker 1:Have. Sam, I wonder, in terms of your corporate job once you were diagnosed with ADHD, did you disclose your diagnosis straight away or did you ask for any special accommodations? What differences have you seen between pre-diagnosis and post-diagnosis? Yeah, that's a good one.
Speaker 3:So one thing going into this job. So at my previous job I started a blog and just started writing about showing up as your authentic self, and this is pre-ADHD diagnosis and pre-PMDD diagnosis. I just was working with a coach myself. I started to really open up and really push that whole. It's important to show up as your authentic self in the corporate world as much as is in your personal life. So because I was posting in this blog and on LinkedIn when I was hired by this company, they kind of had that idea of who I was. So when I got my ADHD diagnosis I did start writing about it on my LinkedIn and my blog and my company was aware. And what's interesting is I didn't ask for any accommodations. I think in place I already kind of had accommodations.
Speaker 3:So I work from home. I jobs 100%, fully remote. I never have to go in. I only go in for parties or events or if there's someone coming into our local office I'll go in and say hi. But because I can work from home, there's so much freedom in how I spend my mornings. I'm not spending it in a rush commute and I'm stressed. I can spend it. I go to the beach. That's 10 minutes down the road.
Speaker 3:I bring my journal, bring a book and I can relax and enter my day with a clear head. So I kind of already had those accommodations built in already and now I think with the diagnosis it kind of made me appreciate them more and realize how important they are to me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's really important. Have you heard of the wooden spoon analogy? Essentially, you start your day with, say, 10 wooden spoons and if you are commuting into work and you're stuck in traffic you're frustrated because you might be running late and you've not had time for breakfast that's you giving away one wooden spoon. So you've got nine left and as your day continues, I don't know, you get into work and there's an emergency meeting about whatever it might be, which stresses you out and makes you worry, so that's another wooden spoon.
Speaker 1:Just those various examples of different things that might suck your energy for the day and make you less likely to be productive. So it sounds as if you are starting off your day with a good collection of wooden spoons and then you're able to almost preserve that because you're working from home, you live close to the beach, you're very well aware of your own well-being, which I think is super. But the fact that you had that anyway, just kind of quite intuitively because it's benefiting you, rather than you doing it because of your diagnosis and trying to figure that out, whereas I think for me it's been a little bit backwards. I started implementing those things because of my ADHD and I know I need to, because I was completely oblivious before really how to care for my own well-being. So I think that's really interesting how that's kind of like.
Speaker 2:It is really progressive, isn't it the way you can really tailor your day so that, I suppose, so that your employers get the best out of you, right? Because, like you say you both just mentioned about commuting and all of those things that, if you're working from home and you're able to do those things that really optimise your performance but that's not the only thing is it's not just performance. It goes hand in hand with your mental health, with your emotional health, with your relationships and all of those things. And getting a little bit of sunlight if you've only got like three months of it yeah, being able to really maximise your potential, and that, I suppose, with the coaching. Just interestingly, I think I'm curious to know about the role of your coach before you were diagnosed and what do you do now with your coaching? Because I might be wrong in saying this.
Speaker 2:It's probably there are probably more of an uptake of it now, but I don't think people routinely have coaches here. I think it's growing and I think the importance of it is becoming more well known. But, yeah, so did you have a coach? Was it for work? What was that?
Speaker 3:Yeah. So I feel like my coaching story it's a very interesting one, but it's definitely a real little coaster ride. So I ended up I was feeling, in my previous role, just really really burned out, really frustrated, overwhelmed. I had no idea what I wanted to do. I knew what I wanted to do but didn't know how to get there. I wanted to be a CEO of a company. I wanted everyone to just be like she knows what she's talking about. She's got it all down Like she's running the show. And I was doing everything, saying yes to every project, saying yes to every added account to my book of business, and I just got to the point where I exploded and was like I can't do this anymore. So I ended up reaching out to my coach, ali Razakos, on LinkedIn. I met her in a couple of events put on by WISE, which is Women's and Sales Everywhere in the US. It's a community and after one conversation with her I was like your coaching seems like it's going to help me. I've seen your post on LinkedIn. I think you could really help me.
Speaker 3:So I started with working with her I've got to read it almost over two years ago and started working with her and I started working towards understanding myself better so that I could move up into maybe a manager role. So I worked really hard with her, did all these understanding my values, understanding what motivates me, what are my self-sabotaging thoughts Like, how do I hold myself back? She challenged a ton of my limiting beliefs and through that I ended up getting to the point where I was interviewing for that manager role. So I was like, yep, I got this in the bag. I've worked really, really hard. I basically burned myself out for this company. There's no way they're not going to promote me and I didn't get the role. And it was that like aha moment, like oh shit, even if you say yes to every single thing, you still might not get that role. The company is kind of they're going to do what they think is in their best interest. And it kind of gave me that point of reflection of, ok, what do I want to do? Like, what do I really want to do Now, learning my values, my two values being growth and impact.
Speaker 3:I realized that staying in that company and staying in that role wasn't going to do anything. I wasn't growing anymore. So I ended up moving to my new company and at my new company. I'm doing new things every single day. It's completely different, and that vision of me wanting to become a CEO has completely gone out the door, because I realized what I really wanted is I wanted to have influence, I wanted to impact people and continue to grow, and climbing the social ladder and the corporate ladder does not appease me anymore. It's more so, like how can I impact people?
Speaker 3:So by sharing my story and then also I brought it up to my coaches, like knowing impacts really important to me I want to help coach people on the same way you helped me. I gained so much clarity and confidence through your program, like I want to be able to help others do the exact same. So she ended up actually bringing me on board, so I now work for her. Oh, wow, not only should I coach, but I also is like my boss and now, of course, friend over time.
Speaker 3:And now I coach clients who are in my position or that were in my position, in the sense that they feel lost. They need clarity, they want confidence in their who they are so that they can figure out what is best for them, and typically these are people that are so passionate Almost every single client I think I've worked with has had ADHD or have thought they have ADHD which doesn't surprise me that I would track that type of client but it's been so rewarding and also so helpful in being able to coach others because I've been in their shoes. I understand where they're at and I love helping people understand who they are better. I think it's one of the strongest things you can ever do for yourself is just getting to know who you are better, because it's going to allow you to show up more authentically, which, when you're showing up authentically, it's just so much easier than having that mask pretending that you're not.
Speaker 1:Massively so. So you're an imposter syndrome coach. My question to you now, Sam, would be once you had your diagnosis of ADHD, do you feel as if you got a bit of imposter syndrome? Because Louise and I both experienced this to a certain level that your ADHD brain does you convince yourself of something and you learn everything there is to learn about it. And then I kind of felt as if, oh, am I just convincing myself that I've got ADHD now, or do I actually have ADHD? But the fact of the way that I was behaving and I was getting so absorbed in the research which that's a bit of a proofs the point. It's a bit ironic really. And then, after the diagnosis I think it takes a little bit of time for that to sink in you kind of doubt yourself, I feel. Well, I certainly did at different times, thinking but what if they're wrong? Maybe I just don't have ADHD. I'll get bored of this diagnosis very soon and I'll be looking for a different diagnosis, which, again, the irony is, it's palpable, isn't it?
Speaker 2:It's not lost on me for sure.
Speaker 1:Did you experience a level of imposter syndrome, or you're so in tune with your values and how to look after yourself that you never really experienced that?
Speaker 3:I think it's interesting. I never even thought of it like that, but I definitely experienced some in the sense of like what if this isn't real? But for me, in the same way I train and coach people on imposter syndrome, it's challenging those negative thoughts or those beliefs, whereas if that thought ever came to my mind, it's like this isn't real. You don't have ADHD. The first thing I could tell myself is okay, let's think back. You were most talkative girl in middle school, as the superlative. My peers nominated me for that. A kid that doesn't have ADHD is probably not winning that. The next one is Spanish.
Speaker 3:Learning a foreign language was so hard for me, but in environmental studies class, where I was super interested and involved and excited about it, that gave me dopamine. I had no issue getting an A. So things where I'd be able to look back in my past and provide myself with that evidence. As, like this is where it shows up in your life. And even now it's like I struggle with if I do online shopping returns. Oh, it's so hard to get a back up in the mailbox. That is one of the hardest things. Adhd tax actually wrote a LinkedIn post about it today. I went to Walmart yesterday for just a Bunt pan, because I wanted to make an Angel food cake. I left spending a hundred plus dollars. Couldn't tell you what I bought, except I bought one of these like crafting little tool, little kits for kids, and I did that all afternoon on the couch and it was lovely. But I'm like the ADHD tax is real. I told myself like, oh, you don't have.
Speaker 2:ADHD.
Speaker 3:Maybe it's not real.
Speaker 2:I think it's such a good way of saying it ADHD tax. It's like the kind of the forgotten cost of having ADHD. And I can I'm sure we all can relate to it. Like you say, the returns. I was living in the UK and I got pregnant and I didn't have any clothes that fit. So I bought all these clothes. They still didn't fit me. I went to return them at the post office I remember this vividly and the post office here wouldn't accept it. I had to go somewhere else. And then by that point I was like this is too hard. This parcel has moved with me from England to Guernsey and then to my second house in Guernsey, then from Guernsey back to England and then back to our current house here now, and it's just there's no clear away. So not only have I missed out on all of that money I could have got returned, there's the forgotten tickets, there's the forgotten bills and then the interest.
Speaker 2:It's like you're constantly punished for being well, you know, I think in, I think, a lot of time in our culture. We're quite, we're quite. I think we're probably harder on ourselves, just as a group of people, right, because it sounds like you sound so positive and so well informed about everything and I think, like I said, I think just culturally, as a group of people, we're quite kind of negative about ourselves and about other people. And then you throw in all of these other kind of what could be classed as failings or downfalls that we have, and self-esteem is just like just you're on the floor with it and it's and then you have anything.
Speaker 1:I'm just going to pause myself there because somebody just wants to go on a Maxi's house, sorry.
Speaker 3:Yeah, no, I um. Oh, go ahead, you go. I was going to say I completely. I was going to ask oh, here you go.
Speaker 2:I was going to ask what was it like in like in school for you? Were you kind of nurtured according to your strengths and and then your challenges, or was it, um, did it feel quite punitive if you were I don't know typically late for class or homework was done in a rush, those kind of things.
Speaker 3:So, schools, schools, an interesting one because I grew up in a household where, like, academics were like a number one value of my parents which, like, I appreciate a lot because it, you know, it made me, it forced me to focus on school and really try hard and put a lot of effort towards it.
Speaker 3:So, while school, you know I didn't struggle with, you know, showing up late or turning in assignments late because there was so much pressure put on me to like get the grades, be on high honor roll, you know, get good grades so you can get into a good college. So, like I spent so much time and energy on my school and like it was the number one focus for me, just like in the household I grew up on. But I think what was really hard for me is that, like, I struggled with school so much harder than my siblings my sisters are both the most brilliant people I know and I had similar teachers, them. I'm the oldest, so I'd have the teacher first and then I don't go on to grades that my sister would have the teacher and be like, how are you to relate it?
Speaker 3:because my sister easily, like get 100 on a test, whereas like I would study so hard and get like a 75 and I'd be like like why can't I get an A or a B, even like I studied so much harder than it seems like everyone else is, and why can't I still get those grades? So I think for me it was just a lot of extra effort and a lot of you know, working with tutors or like the extra help that like I could get to get the grades that I got. So I think it was just a lot more effort and I put so much pressure and gave myself so much anxiety on like getting those good grades. So I think if I had that diagnosis, then I probably would have been able to go a lot more easier on myself and needs that I probably could have or help that I could have gotten to make things a little bit easier for me.
Speaker 2:And do you think that, like you know, obviously, having being being intelligent, high functioning as you are, do you think that's a good reason how you're able to mask for so long? But equally I'm seeing this over and over and it's something Laura and I have spoken about is the stress that puts on on you as an individual to maintain that level of compliance or interest in something that you don't really have any interest in. But you've got that you. You've got the type of personality or background to know that you kind of have to. Do you feel that that that impacted you? Like stress, wise anxiety, things like really percent.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I was definitely very anxious kid, still am an anxious girl, but I think growing up it was way worse. Just because I was so afraid that like spelling was a really tough one for me papers like I would write a paper and reread it and reread it out loud and still return it and get like, did you even edit this? And I'm like, yes, I edited so much and I think that like pressure on myself that I put like yeah, I was stupid, like I must be lazy, I must be careless, like I must be.
Speaker 3:All these things, that and these lines that I told myself. I just added to that pressure and stress and anxiety, whereas, like someone could have just been like bro, you have ADHD, right, yes, yeah with this, but there are tools and resources that can help you with this, like here are some. So, like I think that's where I get frustrated a lot, just thinking back on, like I know, is where knowing that I had ADHD would have been a lot easier.
Speaker 2:It is a sense of grief isn't it, and it's a process to go through and it's it's sometimes, I think, it's hard to kind of come to terms with. I am, I've been quite kind of. It's taken me quite a while I mean not a while. I mean I'm not not massively new, I'm quite newly diagnosed months, but always struggled with my mental health, always anxious, like you say, the anxiety, and and then I've since gone through the process of my daughter being diagnosed, my 10 year old daughter, and it came to the day to day where she started her medication and she's 10, she's never taken a tablet whole. I don't know if that's normal or not, but she hasn't.
Speaker 2:So me and my husband like, just pop it in your mouth at the back and you know, let it Whatever. You know, we've all got different techniques, taken tablets. But I really surprised myself. I just had a complete meltdown then this morning just thinking I feel so guilty. I feel guilty that she, she needs, she has to have this, or Because I know all those rational reasons for diagnosis young age, and you can hopefully, like you say, those are tools as resources there's, there's ways of understanding yourself to kind of hopefully bypass a huge amount of that, that, those mental health problems that come alongside ADHD. But it's the, it's the realization, isn't it? It's actually getting done some interesting going on to know what you have. Yeah, you can talk about it and you know you can understand it, but at the end of the day, it's it's, it's. It can be quite debilitating and, like you say, looking back, it can be quite painful, can't it?
Speaker 3:Yeah, and I think there's things to that. I'm like, even if it wasn't ADHD diagnosis, I think just learning some things like I think the biggest like aha moment that I had with my ADHD diagnosis is like the all or nothing brain.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 3:I thought everyone thought that way. Like you think, thinking black and white, you think in extremes, like, for example, like habits, people are like oh, you know, you need to go to the gym, you know five days a week. And like, for me, I was like, if I go to the gym, I need to do every single thing, because I need to make it count, I need to do it. So I'd go all in on all of my activities, all my you know, and exactly exhaust myself completely, burn myself out. But I thought everyone else was doing this. So I either needed to go all in or completely do nothing and procrastinate. I didn't realize that there was a balance and I didn't realize that people can easily find that balance. They don't have ADHD, whereas like my brain, it's either all or nothing. So that was something like even just knowing that at a younger age I've been like oh, that would have been so nice.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, just to know that that's it's okay, just to just to be and not have to. You know, like we say that masking it's it's another level, isn't? It certainly has been for me and and like like you said earlier about being authentic, it's such a bloody relief, isn't it? I mean, I still struggle with it. I do, and I've said it to Laura before. You know, I had an appointment with my coach and then I there were lots of reasons I messed up my technology, I wasn't in the right place, and and she was like it's fine, we'll reschedule, because she couldn't hear me. But oh my god, the self loathing was horrendous and I said to her I wanted to think that I'm like I've got my shit together, you know, and I was like you don't have to do that anymore, especially with her.
Speaker 1:She's an ADHD coach.
Speaker 2:Don't doubt, I've got ADHD. I don't think she does that Exactly, even with an ADHD coach.
Speaker 1:Yeah, they're just so used to masking that it's really difficult to unmask. But also to know how to unmask, because that's something that I find I'm struggling with. I, when I had my diagnosis, I feel as if I was meeting myself for the first time, but also trying to identify from what was the real me and what was the mask to me is, I think, is very difficult to recognise those boundaries almost. I find that very difficult.
Speaker 2:Because I think it can be quite difficult not you personally or, but I think my experience as well is I can be quite disassociated from things, things that some people would find quite unusual, and then it always, it always crops up right to me on the arse at some point. But you know, friendships even when friendship I've been particularly my youth just so kind of willing to, I don't really like what they're doing there, so I'll just cut them out and just quite kind of going ho about it. And quite and as I've gotten older, I think why and why you did that, why, you know, I'm not saying that's necessarily ADHD, but it's that sense of maybe getting our emotions, our emotions sometimes the wrong way around. You know, getting really, really upset about something that's very fixable or not even real. You know our imaginations as people with ADHD are fantastic, right, and that's where the anxiety comes from. Yeah, so I just think it's.
Speaker 2:It's really interesting to look back and see relationships, how they've panned out. You know your actions, jobs you've gone for, jobs that you've thrived in, jobs that you haven't thrived in, because it all tells a real clear picture, doesn't it? Once you've got, like you say, laura got the handbook for you, I suppose, the instructions how it works. So with your, with your coaching, I'm interested to know if you're an imposter syndrome coach which you are, and most of your clients do they? Most of them have ADHD, or is that something? Or is it kind of good people I know you said that a good proportion are, I think they have it, but would you expect to have clients who don't have ADHD as well?
Speaker 3:Yeah, so I've had clients that have ADHD as well as clients that don't. I would say majority of the clients that I've worked with have had ADHD. It's interesting, I think, for the clients that I tend to work with are typically perfectionist, hyperachievers or people-pleasers, and when it comes to masking, I'm sure both of you kind of have experienced all three of those. Like, all three of those are so easy traps because you know that perfectionist wants to come out and like I want everything to be perfect, I want to have control over as much as I can, and when things don't go a certain way, it feels like oh, it's my fault, I messed up, I'm broken and with hyperachievers, you know it's for me. That was my mask, is like I'm going to be give 110% every single day. Everyone's going to love me because I'm so hardworking, I say yes to everything. I'm that good girl and that led to burnout. But that was my mask.
Speaker 3:And I think with my clients, a lot of them come in as those hyperachievers. They have that mask and that is their identity. It's like I am the girl, I'm a yes girl, I'm a good girl, and it's like being able to like take that back and strip that back is like what's actually the reason why you're doing that? What are you trying to get out of that being that person and a lot of it is. You know, that's how I accept myself worth or that's how I, you know, see myself as worthy of love, and it's like these things that we're just at some point in our childhood, we like it's up and we're like this is the truth and can only be the truth, Whereas maybe it's again an undiagnosed ADHD or ADHD undiagnosis that has been missing. And just knowing that you're like you can start to unpack that and understand, like, where that kind of belief started.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and so that's the core of the, the kind of core beliefs that you're talking about, those, those beliefs we have about ourselves, that you said, if I'm perfect, and it sounds like the, it sounds like being that person, like you say, that good girl, that that girl who does everything she's supposed to do, and then I'll be rewarded and and and, like you say, with that job you weren't rewarded, and it's almost. It flies in the face of what we believe when we, when we activate our rejection of the disability dysphoria, or it's activated for us that I'll do all of these things to avoid the rejection, to avoid the criticism, to avoid the, the, the stuff that's really going to be painful for me to to cope with, and then it doesn't work anyway. So what's the fucking point? And then, like, like you said, you get to that point where you think, all right, now's the time to just think about what I need to do that's going to fulfill me Exactly and I think that's exactly it.
Speaker 3:It's for a lot of women with ADHD who are those hyperachievers or people pleasers, it's all to avoid that rejection, that discomfort, and I, I am the queen of that. I will do anything out of my way to avoid discomfort, absolutely. But those moments where you know you, finally you get comfortable with those uncomfortable moments, are the moments where you grow in, and, with growth being my number one value, I'm like I have to put myself in this position if I want to grow and like telling myself that has helped me get through a bunch of like challenging times where I've had to, you know, say no to something that I'm like if I say no, they're going to be mad.
Speaker 2:And I know they're not going to like me anymore. Yeah, and I find what I've done and I do it with with my clients as well is I say just test the waters, Just try it a little bit, Just try saying no to something that you want to say no to and see what happens. And the more like, the more positive. As for you, do you do it in a much more detailed way, but the more positive reinforcement you get, the more able you are to you feel able to be assertive, to look after your own needs, isn't it?
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, and I think it's. It goes back to even that spoon thing. It's like you only have so many spoons in your day. It's like if you say yes to every project, that's what you're going to end up with zero spoons at the end of the day and you're going to be lying on your floor crying. But if you incorporate those things where you're getting spoons back or you're getting, you know, that energy back through for myself, it's like through coaching, through, you know, going on walks outside, you know taking breaks, I'm able to end the day with some spoons left to feel good versus feeling empty, which I think is a huge like change that I've been able to make only because I've, you know, done the work of understanding myself, understand my energy limits, understand, kind of, what excites me and what drains my energy really quickly.
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 1:Sam, can I ask and I hope you don't mind if you're not comfortable to answer, then please don't Are you? Do you take any of the ADHD medications?
Speaker 3:Yeah, so I'm I'm fine answering that. Yes, I take Adderall. Okay, unfortunately, in the US we've been having quite shortages, so it's been a it's been a rocky summer, but you know, we're just out here going unmedicated some days and just trying to do our best, rationing it out. Oh yeah, lots of rationing it out.
Speaker 1:And did you notice what? What things did you notice when you started taking your medication and what kind of most apparent things for you that improved?
Speaker 3:Yeah, I think the first, the first day I took it. Actually, I noticed immediately I took it and I was like, oh, I understand why, how people can meditate and like do yoga and enjoy it, because for once, like every voice in my brain just stopped and I could have one stream of consciousness. So I was like, is this how everyone's brain is like? Doesn't have any ADHD. I'm like it's this quiet, like it's this like it was just a sense of just like quietness and I could actually get things done that I wanted to, versus, you know, thinking of like walking into one room getting something for getting something another, feeling just so like overwhelmed with all the things that my brain's telling me I need to do get done. And it's like every tab that I had open in my brain shut and I only had one and it was like, oh, wow, this is, this is so helpful.
Speaker 2:That's incredible that you got that positive response and then it's been so kind of life changing. I mean, it sounds like it's been quite life changing for you.
Speaker 3:Oh 100%, 100%. Obviously, with medication, you know there are people that are, you know, against medication, pro medication. For me, I think it's, you know, whatever works best for you. For me, it's something that like I need. I tell myself I definitely have that imposter syndrome. I'm like I don't need this, I don't need medication for my ADHD, what, why do I even take this? And I'll go a couple of days without it. And then I realize, okay, no, no, let's, let's take that again. And then I'm reminded those all the tabs shut and I'm like, wait, yep, this is why we take it. I think there is definitely like the medication is stigmatized, I think, and especially in the US. So it's like being able to reap those benefits and know that taking this medication helps me is like, so just like such a good reminder to have. Yeah.
Speaker 1:I think for me, I don't think I experienced a quieting, a quietening of all those tabs in my head. I have still very much got those, but I'm able to control them a bit better. If that makes sense, I I can rationalize that. You know some paths. I don't need to go down that rabbit hole. Let's just, you know, claw that back, go sit on it, give it some space, and if I'm still really keen to do it, maybe in a few weeks time, then then I'll explore it. But I'm certainly, I think I'm less likely to do the impulsive things that I was doing.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:But I think for me the medication has been very important to allow me to access the scaffolding that you know that helps to to keep me steady. So the coaching, for instance, and implementing all those kind of wellbeing strategies, because before I would have, you know, signed up to some kind of a block of therapy or whatever, and I would have done a few sessions and then I'd been like, oh, I'm bored of this, now I don't want to do it anymore. But I've been able to sustain that now and I've got my regular. Actually, louise and I share a coach. We have the same coach online and and and the minute because of the kids, but I've not, I've not spoken to her for a couple of weeks, but I definitely will be getting back on it because I feel as if it's sorry.
Speaker 1:I'm a little bored of you, if you'll please I don't know what I was saying there the coach and I think because what you said earlier on, sam, really resonated with me that you find it really helpful just to touch base with your coach on a regular basis and do that check-in, and, and so I feel as if the coach is somebody that really helps to keep you grounded. And I mean, a thousand things change from week to week. And she'll be like, right, so what's happened this last week? And I'll be like, oh my God, I've changed the world in this way, or I've, I've done the X, y and Zed, or I might be feeling completely miserable. And then she reminds me to you know, look at my menstrual cycle and all those things and where all my wooden spoons have gone over the past week.
Speaker 2:I just put my heads just.
Speaker 1:Yeah, the kids just steal the wooden spoons.
Speaker 2:They steal the wooden spoons as soon as I see them. They eat them. Help them.
Speaker 1:We're not going to fight you for them, just take them. Take all my spoons.
Speaker 2:And do you think the role of the coach? Laura? Sorry, I don't know, because I've had therapy before. I've never had actual coaching, so maybe you both can help me here. Are you supposed to be crying with your coach or not? Cause I just cried with her today and I'm thinking she's probably thinking that she will not doing any coaching here. Louise, you're just crying. I mean, is that? Do you do that?
Speaker 1:I've cried a few times as well.
Speaker 3:I'm an emotional girl, I will cry. I've cried, I forget almost every single coaching session and I think it's for that. It's also like it's a sense of relief, Like I feel, like for ADHD. I mean, like I have all these big emotions but because I spend, you know, sometimes still I catch myself still masking or suppressing those emotions. It's not really all, just presses down and down. My coach could ask me one question and it just unlocked everything and I'll start crying. But I think it's like. It might not feel like coaching, but it's still. Is that like that relief of emotions? Yeah, lets you to that next kind of space, or it frees up some of your, you know, internal just like space, like later, sometimes, after, just sometimes you need a good cry.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and actually I think there's evidence to suggest that crying actually helps to regulate your nervous system and we know that people with ADHD run on fight or flight most of the time and when you cry it actually helps to regulate that. So I think that's a very good and a very safe thing to do for your wellbeing. But additionally, the coach probably feels a lot like a safe person, somebody that understands, somebody that can empathize, somebody that's given you permission to say it's okay to just be you, louise, you don't need to.
Speaker 1:That's what it is, it's that space, it's that time, and place, yeah, and I think that can be emotional in itself when you you know, if you've not had that all your life, I think it's very powerful. So, you know, I think it's fine to cry. I'm sure she doesn't mind.
Speaker 3:When I have clients cry, I'm like. I honestly think to myself a little selfishly and like, wow, I've, like you said, I've created a safe space. Yes, stop me talking. Yeah, like that no, not that person, but I'm like, no, I think it's such a safe space that they can completely be themselves and you know, release whatever they're been holding on to. Yeah, and people always.
Speaker 2:I always find clients apologising and they cry and I do it. I cry and go, I'm so sorry and I always say I just I will not listen to an apology for crying. But then I'm not as kind to myself, I'm ruminating, thinking fuck, she must think I'm such a keen basket case just crying for 45 minutes. I mean, I did say some words in between the solves, but it wasn't just.
Speaker 1:I'll tune in and to watch you crying, I'm just gonna get up and cry, if you don't mind.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and.
Speaker 3:I think, well, I think too. It's like it's interesting, like, for I think I mean so much of things in life. You know, we were so worried about what others think, whereas in reality everyone's just thinking about themselves. Like again, like my client cries, I'm thinking, wow, I created such a safe space for her to be herself, whereas, like you said, you're thinking over there like, oh my God, she must like think that I'm wasting time just crying. It's like, no, actually, that we're both thinking about. Like I'm thinking about myself, you're probably thinking about yourself, yes, like we need to remind ourselves, and I need to even myself, it's like that everyone's thinking about themselves majority of the time. No one's really paying attention or worried or cares what you're wearing, what you're doing, what you're saying.
Speaker 1:At the end of the day, yeah, I was watching a video earlier on Tech Talk about. It was just a series of videos about rejection, sensitivity, and you know like for a long time I've struggled with friendships. You know when you send someone a message for example, send one of your friends a message and they have read the message and you can see that because it's got the two blue ticks, and then they don't reply. And then you go on a bit later and you can see when they were last sent, they were last active on their WhatsApp, but they still haven't replied to you. And then you see that they've then posted something on Facebook or Instagram or whatever. That really sets off my RSD, because I start saying to myself well, what have I done to upset her? Obviously I've done something, because she's not wrote back. Why should I not write back? She obviously doesn't like me anymore, she doesn't want to be friends. And then, before you know it, in my mind that friendship is over.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And I can't believe that. You know you've not wrote back to my message like where's your consideration for me? You know the whole thing proliferates and my friend knows absolutely nothing about it because I've created this whole scenario in my own head and I get really upset about it because you know I'm just being really horrible to myself. I'm creating this whole narrative of fictional information about how this person doesn't like me and if they did, they would have wrote back to my message, et cetera, et cetera, and actually I think it can probably come across as being very selfish, because you know it's that lack of consideration for what actually is happening in their day and then you know that then feeds back into it. Oh, you're so selfish. Like you know she's having a really tough day because of X, y and Z. It's happened for her.
Speaker 1:But I'm trying to be a little bit more forgiven to myself that I can't help that. It's my rejection sensitivity, it's part of my ADHD and that's just what it is. So I think just learning to have kind of more open communication with people about you know, when I send you a message and you don't write back for ages. This is how it is for me and I understand that obviously whatever's going on for you is going on for you within your day, but could you just send a small acknowledgement to say really busy, we'll text you back later, or so that I'm not then magnifying this whole non-existent issue. I just, I mean, I can't control myself sometimes, which I think is certainly. It certainly much.
Speaker 1:It affects me much less now than it did before my diagnosis, because before I just you know, I can specifically remember a new midwife coming to Guernsey and my friend and I were taking her out for some food upon her arrival and then there was someone else invited and then I thought, well, I'm not going, because it's much better if they just go, and then they don't really need me there because they've invited her, so they obviously don't want me to come. Like it was like a whole psychological tug of war that you have for yourself, and then that was it. I just went. I was like, well, you just go, because obviously you know you're inviting. I don't know why I was. Just, you know, you have that kind of restriction in your mind. You have an idea of what something's going to go like and then when there's changes to that, that can be quite frustrating really. Sorry, I was waffling on.
Speaker 2:No, I can relate to that and I had. I have a really really good friend who I've known for such a long time and really bad.
Speaker 1:Can you have another?
Speaker 2:friend, it's not me, ops, we don't speak to each other very often. Now, you know, our lives are quite different, we live in different places. But I think I found that I'd made the message a few times and she hadn't responded to me. And I was very much like you, laura, I was like okay then. And then you know this complete huge scenario in my head about what was going on and it was all like you said, sam, it was all surrounded in May. It was all about May, this scenario, what she thought of May and how it was impacting her, how I was, and then I mean it's really quite sad but I've really learned a lesson from it.
Speaker 2:But and it was kind of during lockdown, we reconnected it was the first lockdown here and I'd gotten pregnant and I can't remember how we got back in touch when we were chatting and it turns out, you know, she'd been dealing with some really shit stuff and her partner was Termally Ale, and I mean it just doesn't get shit in that during COVID and I thought, louise, just rein yourself in. And I've recently done something similar, laura, with another friend of mine who I've known for a long time and I would be quite kind of offended, or she hasn't responded to me, or she's obviously read it and I've just said something lovely to her and she hasn't got back. And then she'd say oh, I'm not going to bother. I'm not going to bother, but I sent her a message a few weeks ago and she didn't get back to me and I thought, Louise, just message her again, message her again. And I think that's what I was talking about earlier, that kind of cutthroat, kind of oh you've got a robot me.
Speaker 1:Obviously You've got a robot I'm not going to speak to you now.
Speaker 2:And I just look at, I'm honestly like I don't want to hassle you, I hope I haven't upset you but I hope everything's okay with you.
Speaker 2:And then she was just, then, it was fine and it all flowed freely. But I know for myself, if I see a message and I'm busy or I'm overwhelmed like those messages, laura, from the other day I don't open them because I think I'm not going to be able to respond, I'm not going to be able to, and then, if you haven't got, and then I think before what I would do is then I would just avoid contacting that person because I was thinking, well, I've been really shit-friend and I'll just make it easy for them, but there's just not the, like you say, just avoiding that discomfort, isn't it? It's always avoiding the discomfort, but sometimes it's okay to just go. You know what? I'm so sorry, I'm shit and I haven't done this and I do care. I'm just got a lot going on and remembering that, isn't it? Absolutely? Yeah, but it is that RSD, definitely. And I think that's probably the trait that we were talking about earlier, about kind of being a bit disconnected or seeming to be.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Sam, you've obviously noticed that I sit here and I twirl my hair and I do this, and if my so, this is because I had my hair done yesterday and it's very, very smooth towards the ends. Now, this time, tomorrow, my hair will no longer feel like that and I know that it will be needing washed. So I will not be twirling my hair tomorrow. What I'll be doing is picking my horrible fingers. So what I would like to ask you is do you have any body repetitive behaviours, BRBs, and what do they look like for you?
Speaker 3:I'm an Elvider unfortunately and I'm, excitingly enough, getting married in a week from oh trying to get in. But I have been growing out my nails for the last month, trying so hard not to bite them, so I sit on calls with my hands in fists sometimes or I have some fidget toys that help, but usually it's just like don't do it, don't do it, and I'm like just think about the wedding. But I'm worried about after the wedding. They will all be gone from.
Speaker 2:Oh, wow.
Speaker 3:Yeah, elvider, and it's a habit I've been trying to break since I was a kid. I've done the gross poison tasting nail polish. Oh yeah, yeah, and look, gel nails. If you get your nails done, but I'm like you constantly have to keep going back for them and I'm like, no, but also then you pick them off, that becomes another thing, doesn't it? And that ruins your nails. You're doing your nails.
Speaker 3:Yeah, dip nails, the powder stuff that they put on. I have not been able to bite through that, but it's expensive. Keep going to get that over and over again. So I'm like you know what, just embrace that. I bite my nails, but for my wedding that was my one thing. I was like I am not going to bite my nails until my wedding.
Speaker 2:Oh, congratulations, I always had these things.
Speaker 1:I must send you a photograph. I'm sure you'll be beautiful, of course. Oh yes, where are you getting married? What was that? Where are you getting married?
Speaker 3:Oh, Nahuat Mass, so right near the water. It's not too far from Boston.
Speaker 2:Oh beautiful. That sounds pretty lovely. And do you get the puppy before or after the wedding? Oh my gosh, after.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so that's the.
Speaker 2:Thing.
Speaker 3:It's like my August is. It's actually very European in the sense that I took a lot of time off of work. So I have a week off for my wedding, a week off for a honeymoon, and then I have another week off later in the month for my soon to be husband's annual family camping trip. So I have three weeks off in August, which is lovely, but then I end August with getting a puppy, so I'm like, and then we're back to chaos. So it's exciting a lot of dopamine, but also very overwhelming, stressful and a lot of emotions. You're going to be tired in September, oh yes, oh yes. Try to do things now to fill my cup up, so I've just as much energy as I can going into that.
Speaker 1:You're stalking up on your wooden spoons. Oh, stalking up, you're a pantry full.
Speaker 1:We like to end our episodes with sort of me. I'll ask you a bit of a serious question, then Louise can ask you the fun question, because I'm very serious and she's very fun. So we feel it's reflective of our personalities. Yeah, look at us. Look at us and I can't remember what my question is. Oh yeah, if you had any advice for someone who is thinking that they might have ADHD or they're waiting on a waiting list I don't know if you know much about the waiting lists over here in the UK. It's phenomenal. Women in particular are made to wait sometimes up to seven years before they'll get assessed because the NHS waiting lists are massive. What would be your advice to a fellow female who thinks that she may have ADHD and I kind of highlighting the importance of getting that help?
Speaker 3:Yeah, I think the three things I would recommend doing and these are the three things that I did once. I kind of had that idea but was waiting for that first appointment with the psychiatrist. How long do you have to wait?
Speaker 1:A week, but then it's all. Private healthcare as an animated cut.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you have to pay for it health insurance wise and you have to maybe hope that your company gives you health insurance. There's challenges in both, but it's definitely not as bad as waiting on the list for the NHS, like, oh, I have a couple of friends that I took an ADHD course with for coaching, and some of them have waited five, seven years. And I think for them, I think the advice that I've given them, or I've given people that are waiting or have ADHD and aren't ready for that next step is, first off, validating yourself. Like, just because you haven't been diagnosed by a doctor doesn't mean your feelings or emotions or the way you're acting isn't valid. It's just as valid whether a doctor says it or whether you said it. And I think the next thing is, you know, taking it as an opportunity to A get to know yourself better. You know, one of my favorite books is I believe it's ADHD A to Z. It's by Leanne Maxwell. Oh, yeah.
Speaker 3:It's such a good book and it's great for the ADHD mind because each chapter is a different letter. You can, you know, skip ahead, you don't need to read it in order. But that book really helped me understand like ADHD better so that I can understand how it shows up for me. For me, it's actually it's interesting when you were talking about the texting. I don't struggle with the RSD.
Speaker 3:When it comes to texting, I'm the bad friend that looks at the text that says, hmm, oh, that's so nice, I'm going to respond to that. Then I'm like, oh, I have to go do this, this, this, this, and I end up not responding. And then it's two days later and I look and I'm like, oh my God, I didn't respond. I'm a horrible friend. So it's interesting how, you know, adhd shows up differently for everyone.
Speaker 3:But starting to, you know, read books, hear other people's stories, you know, connect with other people that have ADHD there's so many on LinkedIn. It's a great way to you know, understand how your own ADHD shows up in you. And then I think the last one is hire a coach. Working with a coach is the best way to create a space for you to, you know, question those limiting beliefs, have them challenged and you know, get to know yourself better how your ADHD shows up and what tools and resources you're going to need to do or need to help fill your cup, so you're not ending the day with no spoons burnt out. So I think that those are the tips that I'd use and those are things that have helped me so much throughout my kind of ADHD journey.
Speaker 1:And thank you for that, because I think that is really important to acknowledge that you know there are strategies and things that you can put in place that, even if it turns out that you don't get a diagnosis of ADHD, they're still going to benefit your life right 100%. No, they're going to impact neurotypical people as much as the neurodivergent brain. So I think having an understanding of that is really important. And also, I think for me, speaking to anybody that's on a waiting list for a very long time, is that you know you don't have to wait for the diagnosis to start helping yourself. You can, you know, we can identify as anything these days. So you can, you know, identify your traits as being ADHD. So, and start implementing those things that are best.
Speaker 3:Yeah, exactly, you don't need it doesn't. Just because a doctor tells you you're ADHD, it doesn't make it like mean that you have ADHD. You can go ahead, and there are people I know that have never gotten a diagnosis and still have ADHD, and yet they found tools and resources and ways to make their life easier based off of you know the symptoms and how their ADHD impacts their lives. So, yes, it's waiting five years to you know. Start that journey is, I think, the worst thing you can do for yourself. I think it's like once you start to think that like hey, I might have ADHD, start then. Start, you know, doing the research, exploring who you are, work with a coach. There's so many courses out there. The ADHD works Ones are amazing. I taken a bunch of those and find them really helpful, and I know that they're based out of the UK, so really great resource to leverage.
Speaker 1:Yeah, awesome. And then Louise.
Speaker 2:Well, my question is we've all got some funny stories that we might have of things we may have done when we've been disorganized or forgetful, or all of the above. What would what? What story do you think you could share, because you seem like you've got all together.
Speaker 1:What is the?
Speaker 2:most. Adhd thing that you've done and I want to unpick this. Oh, come on, give it to us.
Speaker 3:I mean I, I've, I've. I mean, I think yesterday when I went to Walmart and spent $100 plus dollars and left more craft supplies than I ever needed, that was quite funny. I went for a gun can. That was $4. I'm like why I could have spent $4, ended up spending $100. I think, oh, I have found in my calendar as of recently a couple of events Not, they haven't happened yet. That just says appointment at 10 o'clock, appointment at 10 am. Do I?
Speaker 2:know what you're going to work?
Speaker 3:Absolutely not. Am I praying that I get the text from the whoever's doctor appointment? I hope that reminder comes in the day before so I know where I have to be.
Speaker 2:But I don't know I don't know if there are many or anything I know, just put appointment. Oh, I'm just doing something.
Speaker 3:I'm supposed to be doing, something Don't know what, don't know who, don't know where. I have an appointment a couple of times. That's pretty. Also, I've had a bunch of doctors I'm not sure how it is in your country where is like I have doctors that work in several different offices and I'll just put like a doctor's appointment with so and so doctor and not remembering which office I actually need to go to. So I've gone to the different wrong office. I walk in confidently like hey, I'm here to see doctor so and so you know, I show on dot. Like I'm not, I'm showing up on the dot, or maybe like two minutes late. So they're like she's in the other office. So I'm like, okay, great, can you call them and tell them I'll be there. I'm rushing over there sitting in traffic upset. Finally I get there and like if they're able to squeeze me in, I'm able to see them. If not a couple weeks, couple months for that next appointment. So yeah, I've definitely had no couple of.
Speaker 2:You've got to try and find humor, haven't you?
Speaker 1:And it's not always the most easy HD moment this week.
Speaker 2:I've got loads. I've got loads. My sweet's been really bad. Double booking things, putting things in, putting things in my calendar, and they're not checking my bloody calendar and then places.
Speaker 2:It's been. It's been chaos, absolute chaos. And then when I get a phone call, okay, I'll tell you what I did. My daughter went for a sleep lesson. I'm trying to get her to keep it up during some holidays, so otherwise she won't practice. So I drop her off. She's an hour there, so I thought I'll go to the supermarket get a few bits. I was really pleasing myself because I was really kind of productive. Then, when I got back to the car, I had a work call and I thought I really needed to hit this call, even though it meant I'd be a few minutes late picking her up. So I was on this work call and I thought, right, I'll go back and get her. And I drove back to where I thought the house was and I got completely blinded. I did not know where I was. Have you ever done that? Well, please tell me, you've done it.
Speaker 3:I am so bad at directions I use a GPS to get anywhere.
Speaker 2:Even if I know where I'm going. I was a little bit complacent because I got there okay, take, dropping her off, because it was only the second time I'd been there and I was like, am I at the right roundabout? And I was so disorientated and then I had to put my Google Maps on to find them and I figured out what I'd done, because I'd come from a different direction but I'd still gone off the same exits. But it was just this sheer kind of panic, like I don't know what I'm doing and how the fuck have I ended up here? And I think actually, in hindsight, that was probably the most ADHD thing I've done this week, because it, like most ADHD things, when you do things like that that are actually quite funny or amusing In the moment, they're not, are they In the moment they can be really upsetting and I was really upset with myself. But now I'm like I'm over it. But yeah, what about you, Laura? What's the most ADHD thing this week?
Speaker 1:Well, I know exactly what this is because it happened yesterday and it's related to that ADHD tax that you were talking about earlier. Sam, I parked. So I live in Guernsey, in the Channel Islands, which I don't know if you're aware of. That is, sam. It's somewhere between France and the UK, so it's a bit closer to France than it is the UK, but it's a small island.
Speaker 1:I don't know why that's relevant, but the parking is you don't need to pay for parking here, you have like a little clock. Most parking spaces are three hours before you'd have to move the car to a different space. So yesterday I went into the town early to get some work done and then I had a coffee meeting. I mean, actually there was a series of things. Yesterday I sent Louisa oh my, God.
Speaker 1:I sent Louisa voice note. I thought I'm trying, I'm trying out like this kind of power dressing. And you know, I had some makeup on, my hair is done and I had on a nice dress that I'd bought from a charity shop. It's just great, A little bit of a charity shop bargain. I went to sit down on a chair outside a cafe and I had my coffee in one hand, I had a glass of water in the other and then my handbag hanging here and I went to sit down in the chair and I hadn't properly looked at the chair but as I sat down the chair was broken at one side so I just kind of fell slightly over. Obviously my coffee, then half of it, was spilled all over the table. But I just kind of got up and was a bit like oh, I'll just steal it out, pretend I meant that Just sat down, continued about my business, anyway.
Speaker 1:Then I went to work for a couple of hours in the afternoon and I was walking back to the car. I had managed to get a 10 hour space in a small car B which. I thought my car was a small car, but apparently it wasn't small enough. In the bay that I had parked in, it said that the car was to be 3.7 meters or less in length to park there. So I thought, oh, my car is definitely less than 3.7. I parked in there beautifully the best bit of parallel parking that you've ever done in your life but I came back and had a ticket, because it said that my car wasn't less.
Speaker 1:Normally I would have been like, oh my God, I can't afford another parking ticket. And I was adamant, though, that the traffic warden was wrong. So when I got home, I said to John could you just do me a favour please, because I don't think the traffic warden has got it right. Can you get your measuring tape out and measure the car? So they were where five o'clock last night, out at the car. He's holding one side and I'm holding the other, and he's like, yes, four metres. Oh, no, for fuck's sake. So in fact, I was bigger than 3.7. So I don't mind paying the fine, so much now. I was ready for a fight, though, to say like mm-mm. However, yeah, so the ADHD task that was my yeah, yeah, I missed.
Speaker 1:John's saying 40 quid.
Speaker 3:I think what's important, though, is both of you you have ADHD, but are managing yourself and children. So like I feel like it's so important, even more important to make sure you're giving yourself, you know, grace, and being able to laugh about those moments, because there's so much going on in your lives and you're not only responsible for yourself, but a whole family, which is even more pressure.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:Are you just depressing me, reminding me of it?
Speaker 3:Because then I was bigger than the other. I mean, I'm very, so impressed with both of you, like I'm just, I'm stressed thinking about having a puppy in the house. I can't even imagine being responsible for children on top of, you know, managing my own ADHD currently, so it's definitely yeah, it'll just cause more anxiety.
Speaker 2:You don't need it, don't imagine it.
Speaker 1:And I don't, I don't recommend it.
Speaker 2:Hey Oz, particularly because then your children end up usually being neurodiverse as well, typically. Yeah, extra pressure. It's been so lovely to talk to you.
Speaker 1:No, it's been really lovely.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much for sharing your your story, because it's there are so many parallels to other people's, but so many you know differences as well.
Speaker 1:It's really really interesting and I think this is a lot of people who have PMDD, you know they'll be able to relate to that and kind of give them that reassurance, and also to any of my gynecology friend doctors maybe consider that going forward the next time that you're reviewing someone for premenstrual dysphoria disorder that perhaps there might be, you know, a neurodivergent aspect of that and recommend that they get assessed further. Yeah, thank you very much. I'm just going to press.