Hey there, friend. Do you ever feel like your mind is running on overdrive, every thought a pinball bouncing off the walls of your brain? You're not alone—ADHD has been our co-pilot, steering us through a roller coaster of impulsivity, fleeting hobbies, and the ceaseless quest for novelty that marks our daily lives. We've battled the shame of rapidly changing interests, but we've also found solace in each other and alternative means to soothe our minds that don't involve reaching for the cookie jar. Tune in and connect with our shared experiences in ADHD, feminism, diagnosis, and the weights and measures of medication.
As we navigate this labyrinth called life, we've stumbled, fallen, picked ourselves up and kept going, and in the process, we've learned a lot about our mental health. We've grappled with anxiety, depression, labels, and feelings of isolation and guilt. We've seen the dark corners of our minds, and you know what? It's okay not to be okay sometimes. Let's talk about how crucial it is to recognize ADHD in young girls and to have safe spaces where they can express themselves. Therapy has been a lifeline for us, and we're here to tell you why it might be for you too.
Finally, we'd like to invite you to join us for a heart-to-heart on emotional regulation and self-care. How does one handle emotional dysregulation and rejection sensitive dysphoria? We've felt the sting of criticism, the weight of societal expectations, and we've learned to navigate these waters. Self-care has been our anchor, whether it's indulging in new makeup, curating a wellbeing basket, or even reframing household chores. Listen in as we share how we're learning to stand tall, embrace self-acceptance, and muster the courage to stand up for ourselves. We've journeyed through the complexities of ADHD and mental health, and now it's your turn to join us on this journey of self-discovery.
Outro
This is a special edition episode recorded from a webinar.
Hey there, friend. Do you ever feel like your mind is running on overdrive, every thought a pinball bouncing off the walls of your brain? You're not alone—ADHD has been our co-pilot, steering us through a roller coaster of impulsivity, fleeting hobbies, and the ceaseless quest for novelty that marks our daily lives. We've battled the shame of rapidly changing interests, but we've also found solace in each other and alternative means to soothe our minds that don't involve reaching for the cookie jar. Tune in and connect with our shared experiences in ADHD, feminism, diagnosis, and the weights and measures of medication.
As we navigate this labyrinth called life, we've stumbled, fallen, picked ourselves up and kept going, and in the process, we've learned a lot about our mental health. We've grappled with anxiety, depression, labels, and feelings of isolation and guilt. We've seen the dark corners of our minds, and you know what? It's okay not to be okay sometimes. Let's talk about how crucial it is to recognize ADHD in young girls and to have safe spaces where they can express themselves. Therapy has been a lifeline for us, and we're here to tell you why it might be for you too.
Finally, we'd like to invite you to join us for a heart-to-heart on emotional regulation and self-care. How does one handle emotional dysregulation and rejection sensitive dysphoria? We've felt the sting of criticism, the weight of societal expectations, and we've learned to navigate these waters. Self-care has been our anchor, whether it's indulging in new makeup, curating a wellbeing basket, or even reframing household chores. Listen in as we share how we're learning to stand tall, embrace self-acceptance, and muster the courage to stand up for ourselves. We've journeyed through the complexities of ADHD and mental health, and now it's your turn to join us on this journey of self-discovery.
Outro
This is a special edition episode recorded from a webinar.
Good afternoon and welcome to our podcast. We are the ADHD Vaz and we are chatting about all things ADHD, feminism, diagnosis, medication. Welcome to our podcast. We do hope you enjoy and give us some feedback.
Speaker 2:I'm packing these boxes and then looking back at these things, I'm still breaking myself and thinking why you know I spent all this money. You were talking last week about how mistakes can be expensive and equally hobbies. Courses you start, and it's always been a way to kind of soothe my mind, finding ways to soothe my mind. I don't know if you found that, Apart from food. I think food does it temporarily for me, but then that has other really negative connotations in the long term.
Speaker 1:In terms of food, though, do you think that it's like particular types of food, like do you crave sugar, like all the bad things, or it doesn't matter?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, I wouldn't wake up in the middle of the night and think I'm going to go and eat some sliced cucumber, because I wouldn't necessarily crave that, because the foods I'm craving are the high sugar, high carbohydrates yeah, exactly.
Speaker 2:Or maybe, if you were a pregnant adult, just loved cucumber, whatever's in the house, because it's been different since I've been on my medication. But and this is a real sore point for me, because I think in the future which we should dedicate a whole episode to the link between ADHD and obesity and overeating and binge eating, something I was never aware of, but it's ticked all the boxes for me. So I would have anything in the house. So quite frequently I would say I'm not going to get anything in, and the kids might been at a birthday party or something and have some rancid like violet, what they called little tubes of yeah, like tubes of sweets or something, and just I would remember where they are. Like an addict, I am an addict with food and that's really, really hard. It's so hard. When people say just move more and eat less, I was like no shit, really Didn't think of that.
Speaker 1:I never realized that there was such a big relationship between addiction and ADHD.
Speaker 2:No, I didn't.
Speaker 1:But the more things that seem to be reading. A lot of people who maybe have ADHD diagnosed or undiagnosed, can suffer addiction, and I suppose that comes in a lot of different formats, doesn't it? Because, yeah, like I'm a kind of dopamine chaser, if you like, it's whatever's chasing the novelty of things. Yeah, I just seeking, but I think you know there are ways for it to be positive. I don't know if you found this, but after my diagnosis I completely absorbed myself and everything in ADHD so that I feel as if I could have a degree in ADHD knowledge. Then I would have one by now because I just done so much Reading.
Speaker 1:My whole life was just absorbed in ADHD, completely wanted to learn absolutely every single thing that there was to learn about it. And this past couple of weeks I've been thinking in my mind about when I decided I wanted to be a midwife and that came after Jodie was born, because the midwife that was looking after me I just thought she was brilliant, like I'm really good at supporting me, and I thought I could do that. And then it's almost a bit like I became fully absorbed in learning everything that there was to know about having a baby and how to look after someone in labor. You know all that knowledge. You become fully absorbed in it and become expert almost, and that's great if you can put it to good use and make a career out of it. But you know, sometimes you have stuff is a waste of time, isn't it? Like almost you kind of you really think that you're finding the benefit of whatever you're into at that time, but for you to wake up the next day and think, oh, I'm both that. Now, moving on to something, else.
Speaker 2:It really is quite crushing, isn't it? And what I find about that, laura, is I find it embarrassing. I find it, I get embarrassed that I've said to people I'm doing X, Y and Z and then the next time it's in the light how's it going? I'm like, yeah, I'm doing that now.
Speaker 1:Oh, that was like six things ago.
Speaker 2:Six things ago. This is the last year. Well, you know, because it just feeds into this sense of I can't finish anything, you can't, and then, and equally then, succeed at anything. You know what you I'm saying you as employer, you don't mean you specifically because you, like you, said the midwife thing that you that was put to such good use, because you are a really good midwife. I'm speaking from experience. Okay, we later and that's amazing that you committed like that and you did that and I equally, look back and think about my professional training, think I don't know how, I'm not really sure how, I managed to get through that by. Somehow I did, you know, just on a wing, in a prayer, probably, just to be sure I am actually qualified nurse, I didn't just qualify on a wing in a prayer.
Speaker 1:She's in fact glad to eat and has had jobs.
Speaker 2:But when it comes to learning, laura, this is another thing I find quite interesting about you is you write really well. You seem to absorb that information and it's a good you. Should you think about the courses that you're doing at the moment as well, your master's in particular? My experience is very different when it comes to academic stuff. I can probably just scrape by if I had to, but I'm much better absorbing things on a practical level. In practice, I can't usually make sense of kind of a big chunk of text that might be talking about something that I've got no interest in. It's just so hard to absorb it, and I think that's why I have specifically avoided any kind of formal training for quite a while, anything that has any kind of real length to it, for fear of failing do you?
Speaker 2:think you get to that point where you just stop trying, because I think I got to that point. I definitely got to that point this last year and I thought I'm just not going to, I'm not going to try anything, I'm letting people down. I'm applying for jobs I mean not all of them, but I would get them Most of them, most of them.
Speaker 2:Most of them it applies for so many jobs. I mean, apply for these jobs or I'd get interviews and then I would cancel the interviews the last minute. I'd be like I don't think that's what I really want, so I won't go and I think I'm just wasting loads of people's time. What was that, jack?
Speaker 1:He's trying to get in on the podcast.
Speaker 2:Wasting everybody's time. So then I was in a state where I was just sitting back and thinking I just can't do anything. And the effect. I think we've spoken about this a lot. The effect it has on the other areas of your mental health is so significant. Absolutely yeah, I'd be interested to know that the differences. Actually, I haven't read a lot around this, but the difference is for males in comparison to females with regards to homo-orbidities. What are the kind of? What do we need to learn from that as well?
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's really interesting actually, because typically men men well, stereotypically men are don't talk about their mental health as much as women do. Women are obviously a bit more focused on their emotions, a bit more in tune with their emotional feelings, but is it a case of women are typically undiagnosed as adults and therefore have spent such a long time, you know, questioning a lot of things about themselves, not feeling understood, not feeling as if they fit in, not understanding themselves and therefore they develop that kind of anxiety and depression, whereas men are diagnosed at a much typically at a much younger age, given the research that I've read around, and therefore maybe they're less likely to have that kind of comorbid anxiety and depression. I don't know. What do you think?
Speaker 2:I really don't know. I don't think I openly know many men who have ADHD bronometh who would talk about that and how different it is for them or how it might manifest differently on their mental health.
Speaker 1:I think it's also worth noting as well that I touched on it briefly last week, if you remember about the impact of hormones. So females are more likely to have things like premenstrual dysphoria disorder that's really extreme, severe premenstrual issues, in particular, feeling suicidal around about when they're due their periods, and then, typically towards menopause, when your estrogen levels are starting to drop, your ADHD symptoms can get worse, sooner. Or that's another factor, perhaps, that men, they obviously experience hormones in a much, much lower level, don't they? Yeah, they have some of these hormones, but they certainly play a much stronger role in the female physical body than they do in the male body. So therefore, is that something that makes women more likely to suffer anxiety and depression because of these hormones?
Speaker 2:My connection is not great, sorry, I'm literally using 4G.
Speaker 1:I hear the birds tweeting in the background, though it sounds lovely.
Speaker 2:Can you? It's so lovely. I know I've just come up here. My Peter's done this the room out for me up here. It's really lovely. It's in like the attic, but it's nice.
Speaker 1:It's very Disney movie, as if your Rapunzel up there with the birds tweeting around about you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, with the evil mother. Yeah, so ADHD and the impact on human health. I haven't absorbed myself, laura, in the information and I don't know why I haven't really thought too much about that. I have moments where I think it's not a real thing and I know from just kind of online communities that I'm kind of subscribed to that that's quite common. You know the imposter syndrome. I mean, I have imposter syndrome about everything.
Speaker 2:So then this is another thing I am noticing and remembering things from my past that make a lot of sense to me now and I can almost forgive myself a little easier and the you know the impact that I think being undiagnosed, not understanding myself, not understanding the way and society, more importantly, probably more importantly, society not understanding the way you know different brains, work has had for me a significant impact on my wellbeing, my mental health. You know my whole life, and so, in that vein, it feels really important that we're recognising it in our daughters or, you know, our nieces or our grandchildren, or because, I suppose selfishly, because I can now see it for what it is, just makes sense, and sometimes you can only ever really have that insight by going through it, and I would want you know, I would want for these young girls to have environments where they feel safe, where they can express themselves and, you know, use their minds to their advantage.
Speaker 1:Absolutely, and also having the strategies to manage their symptoms and being able to identify what those symptoms are and why they're having them. Which brings us back, I suppose, to that topic of labels, and you know those. A lot of people think that having a label is a negative thing, but actually for many, many people it gives you like a real sense of identity and it helps you to understand yourself and, as my lovely coach Linda said, it's almost as if somebody gives you a handbook or an instruction manual to say this is how to do it better, this is how to manage life differently and it's going to be far more effective for you. But just coming back to that subject of mental health, louise, when did you notice you started the battle with your mental health? Was it sort of from an older age, a younger age?
Speaker 2:I was pretty young, I'd say 12, maybe even before that. I don't think anyone really knew what it was. You know it was my home. Life wasn't particularly stable when I was younger. Lots of changes, there were lots of different things happening for me and bereavements as well. So my stepdad killed himself when I was 11. And I think I always kind of I was always quite gung-ho about this stuff. I was always just a bit cocky. I'm fine, it's nothing.
Speaker 2:But as I've gotten older well before I've been diagnosed with ADHD I've understood, I think through my work and just through self-development, understood that trauma manifests somewhere. If it wasn't that trauma, it's the other traumas that I went through when I was younger, and so I would just have a lot of. What I understand now is quite severe anxiety, and it was always around sleep. It was. I don't want to get sleep on my own and I need someone with me. And why is no one with me? And just terrified of sleep, terrified. So I would come up with all these avoidance strategies, which is what we do when we're very anxious.
Speaker 2:And I think I got referred to a child psychologist, but with the waiting list I think by the time the appointment came through. I'd kind of recovered and just worked through that. It just naturally kind of faded away and then it's probably just come back in spouts throughout my life, that feeling of just real, real fear. And then so it was always anxiety for me. That was always my specialist subject. And then, after I had my third child two and a half years ago, I began to experience for the first time quite severe depression. I think the anxiety had always carried me through, because, and probably because of having ADHD. Now I look back and think I was always like, well, I need to do something to make this better, I need to, I can't. And it's the very nature of anxiety, isn't it?
Speaker 2:you just can't sit still you can't sit, still you're always kind of flitting, and then having ADHD as well, which obviously I didn't understand at the time, but always having this kind of desire to know what to do to get better. And then, after having my third child, it just became a sense of. It just became a sense of I would have these episodes where I just felt so, so low and working in mental health. You know, I know all of those main symptoms the feelings of hopelessness, of helplessness, guilt. You know overwhelming feelings of guilt and self criticism and low motivation, sleeping a lot or not sleeping. I wasn't sleep, I was sleeping a lot, sorry, isolating myself, and it was something I didn't realize I was doing until. You know a lot of those behaviors with the gods, isolating myself. I understood what I, that I was doing that once.
Speaker 2:I'd kind of gone into therapy again at that stage and so it's always been a battle. It has, it's always been a battle and I think I've never really acknowledged there's been a battle because I've been able to kind of mask, I suppose, and and I remember after having I risked my second child having quite bad depression then it then it then turned into mostly anxiety, but there were periods of quite low mood, and I remember just sitting on the floor and I was just crying, crying, crying, could not stop crying, just beside myself. I didn't want to be alone. I was frightened, I was, you know, it was really acute. And my husband said to me I don't understand, though. There's nowhere else on earth I would rather be than here with you and our children. You know he couldn't understand it, and I don't think he runs it in a critical way.
Speaker 2:And, and at that point I said to him I don't, there's nowhere else, I want to be, I just don't want to be. That's what it was like for me. Wasn't that I was actively wanting to harm myself or kill myself. I just didn't want this to carry on. I felt the suffrage just too, too harsh and I couldn't do it. Just crying, crying, crying. And I think that sums up what my low mood really is. I just I'm not thinking of being anywhere else. Anywhere else, that would be better for me, because I also think, when you have children, you know that you could never be without them, to most of us.
Speaker 1:I think I understand what you're trying to say, because I think I felt probably something similar. I'm sat here picking my fingers because I'm a real pink finger picker. I do have a fidget ring on, but you know, there's like a bit of skin that I just must get off.
Speaker 2:I just want to put some moisturiser on that fuel, or that's. It's nasty that's awful.
Speaker 1:I just I can't. I just can't help it. I think I understand what you're trying to say about how you know you're feeling overwhelmed, burnt out and it's almost in that moment. You can't quite find the words to explain exactly what you're feeling, especially when you weren't diagnosed at that point. You know it's the thing where you were overwhelmed and the hormones were too much, which you know a lot of. That can be quite normal after having a baby, but when you add ADHD into the mix, then it can be quite overpowering, I think yeah, really overpowering, and I think that's that's obviously where my real interest came in.
Speaker 2:Then to looking at, as in the perinatal patient on mental health, and how little we really understand about us. You know, going through that, everything that we go through with, you know, being pregnant, all of just all of it. You know, you know you need to list it all crikey gosh, what a roller coaster it can be, um, and and, like you're saying, then you add something like ADHD into the mix and diagnosed as well, and that was something else we you know, because we've just moved house um, we found a bit of. One of my other massive projects at some point was that I was going to be a writer. I was going to be a screenwriter. Um gosh, I forgot that until just now, oh god, every now. And then I came across this book that I bought, like Demi's Guide to Screenwriting, or something like that was a re-notion that took you.
Speaker 2:I mean, I could anyone you could do what whatever you put your mind to. But I just didn't put my mind to it. Yeah, I did for a while. You know, I was really enthusiastic. I thought I was like Margaret Atwood or something, just not um. So I found this, but at that time I had quite bad anxiety as well.
Speaker 2:I was going through quite a tricky time then and, um, I found a piece of paper that I'd written on um, thinking that it would be quite cathartic to write down. I mean, it probably was at the time, but it certainly didn't kill me um, and that my husband found it and he said this makes me really sad. He says we just, I had no idea you had ADHD. Then, you know, I'd, I'd, I'd written on it how bad I was feeling, I'd gone into quite a lot of detail about that and then I'd listed things I was grateful for in an attempt to kind of feel better. Um, I'm sure there was, there were more pages, when fucking knows where they've gone.
Speaker 2:God, um, um, but it's. You just look back and just feel this kind of sadness for yourself, like not wallowing. I don't feel like I'm wallowing, but it's just, it seems like that and you just think, god, you're poor cow, just didn't know, just didn't know. And there's so many of us it's you, it's me, it's god how many other women going through it, um, and so I hope I'm not, um, I don't think I'm unrealistic that that I expect that all my mental health problems will just go away, all my anxiety, all my low mood will just flitter away like a bad dream no, you've got a diagnosis, you mean yeah, now that I have a diagnosis, I don't imagine that that will happen.
Speaker 2:Um, I think it's always going to be a work in progress, but I'm hoping that just being able to understand myself better will help me be kinder. But then when you're in that moment, who knows right? Because I think when you're feeling so so low or so so anxious, you can't ever imagine not feeling it no and then, when you're feeling okay, you don't want to pull yourself out of it no, you just don't think that it's even possible, so why would you bother?
Speaker 2:and then, when you're feeling okay, you think I'm sure that wasn't me, I'm never going to be like that again. Do you know, I don't. Do you feel that?
Speaker 1:yeah, yeah, I feel like a real sensitive.
Speaker 2:That wasn't me.
Speaker 1:I, um, I had a bit of a um light bulb moment during my assessment with a psychiatrist who we talked about these kind of feelings of up and down and she, she said this little snippet of information might help. She said but just remember, you know that we're always chasing happiness. Um, happiness is a feeling, not a destination. So feelings come and go, a bit like sadness, anger, frustration, all those things. They're fluid, they, you know you can feel all those things in the one day. Um, like, you can wake up feeling happy and then you'll watch something in the news. It might make you feel sad and just, you know, we're experiencing those feelings every day. But I think for a long time I've had a really strong misunderstanding of what, what it is I'm looking for. That's what I've been looking for. I think I've been trying to get to that destination, happy but. But actually it's a feeling within yourself. So now that I understand feelings a bit better, I feel better. Yeah, so when I'm feeling anxious or or unhappy, it's not that you know it's, it's a feeling that I've got in that moment and I know that it's not going to last forever. It's not that I have a bad life, it's not that I feel depressed. It's just that in that moment I feel sad and I can give myself permission now to just sit with that, give a little bit of space, appreciate why I feel that way. Um, and then, as part of my ADHD coaching, I've been learning how to try and mitigate those things, how to build your reserve tank, taking a few minutes to sit out in nature. So I try in the morning to get outside and have a cup of tea or coffee Not this week because you know it's bank holiday weekend and the kids are off school because it's after him, so there's not much peaceful, quiet sitting outside. It's a bit like recharging your batteries, isn't it? We talk about a social battery and you need to be in credit if you're going to face unknown things in your day or in your week. If your reserve tank is running low, then you're more likely to have those kind of over emotional reactions, a bit of emotional dysregulation.
Speaker 1:I've told the listeners a wee story, if you don't follow me on social media. A few weeks ago I was in the. I think a few weeks ago over a month ago now but I was in the cake shop trying to buy icing for my daughter's birthday cake. When this old lady came and started shouting at me because of the way that I had parked the car. But my reserve tank, I think, was kind of running very low, a bit like when the petrol tank light comes on to say you're running out of fuel, and I had left it kind of to the last minute, I didn't really know what I was doing for a birthday cake.
Speaker 1:Anyway, I nipped along to the shop. I thought, right, I'll nip along here. I had the meat in at the school, so the shop's kind of close by to the school. I nipped along but I drove past and missed the entrance for the shop. So I had to turn, kind of drive a little bit further down, turn, come back. And then I was indicating to pull into this. It's like a tiny little car park and I thought, bloody hell, that shop. It doesn't even look as if it's open.
Speaker 1:So I just swung the car in, you know, across the two car parking spaces, tried the door, saw that it was shut, sat back down in my car and I went to Google to see what time the shop would be open, what days of the week it was going to be open, when the man that owns the shop. He actually lives right next door. So he popped his head out his front door and they said oh, do you want me to let you in? Is it just something quick that you wanted? I said, oh, thank you so much, that'd be great. It's just some icing that I need, a specific kind of peachy colour for my daughter's birthday cake. Yes, please, that'd be great. I'll literally just take up two minutes of your time. So that's fine love, that's fine love. So he let me in, showed me where the icing was. We had a little bit of a chat about the weather, you know how it is, but I thought what a lovely, lovely man.
Speaker 1:And then, within the next kind of two minutes after having that fleet and thought, this old lady came in the shop and started mouthing off about how badly I had to park the car and she was trying to invite me outside, you know, just really having a go. And I said, oh please. Literally the shop was shut. This very kind man has opened the shop. I didn't, if the shop was open I wouldn't have, you know, left the car parked like that. But I literally thought I was just jumping out the car for two minutes to get this icing and then hop in the car and away Because the shop's actually not even open. But now you're in here and then you know this is escalating.
Speaker 1:But the woman wouldn't let me speak. She kept speaking over the top of me, really kind of laying it on thick, about how badly I had to park and come and see it, and how was she supposed to park and how was she supposed to even get out the car. She said to park her car on the road. Well, I just started sobbing because I thought I don't have my reserve tank as low. You know, like I had the meeting at the school and then I'd miss the turn and then I pulled in and the shop was shut. So look, those kind of things. I just I was running in the loathe.
Speaker 1:I had a really kind of out of proportion reaction to that. You know that woman, stranger old lady that was laying on about the way I parked my car and what was the other side. I said to her you don't know what's happening in someone else's day, so please, you know, don't come into this shop and start mouthing off to me about the way that I have parked, because you know, for all you know, I could just have come from my dog's funeral. You know people you just don't know. And so I was saying this woman was laying on the thick because of the way that I had parked the car and that really upset me because that then is where I kind of snapped into that rejection, sensitive dysphoria, automatically thinking that I'm not good enough, I'm a terrible person. This woman says that my parking is awful and I must just be a really bad driver and how awful of me that it really feeds into that. You know, when you were already not feeling great because you'd missed the turning, you were calling yourself stupid. You never checked ahead of time to see when the shop was even going to be open. And you get there and it's closed. Once again you're stupid. And then that woman just comes in and reinforces all those negative things that you've thought about yourself.
Speaker 1:So, as I was saying, a big part of my ADHD coaching with the lovely Linda is to build up my reserve tank and just recognise the ways in which I can do that. So things like taking a hot bath in the evening, trying to relax when I get up in the morning. I try, and before I had my diagnosis I would have you know my husband was dragging me out of bed, forcing coffee down my neck and then trying to get the kids out to school. And then sometimes, after the school run, I would come home and go back to bed because I just would feel so absolutely exhausted. But since my diagnosis, since the medication and just understanding myself a bit better and how to access my own wellbeing, you know I try and get up ahead of the kids. I go straight in the shower in the morning. I don't go down the stairs until I'm dressed because I want to remove that temptation of going back to bed and make myself a cup of coffee. And when the kids are not here, if they're away at school, I'll sit outside.
Speaker 1:Before I start on anything, before I start on any of those care tasks, ie the house chores, just sit outside in nature If it's cold, wrap myself up in a blanket. But I'll sit out there, listen to a podcast, some music or just have silence Just to gather my thoughts, to allow myself processing from I don't know, from getting up in the morning and taking the kids, everything that's happened in the run up to getting the kids out to school in the morning. Just sometimes you need to just sit down and process because things are a bit overwhelming, yeah. So actually I think that is. I think it's successful because I'm really taking the time to do those things.
Speaker 1:But there has been times where I've found myself kind of tipping into a hyper focus about it and recently I've really been making myself my own muse, if you like, and my husband and my middle son so John and Max, they make a mockery of it really, but they'll say my God, it's taken you four hours to do your makeup. So it's not taken me four hours to do my makeup. But what I have been doing is I bought myself some lovely new makeup when we were on a shopping trip to Jersey. I mean, this really comes it's fed from TikTok. You watch all those influencers putting their makeup on and you learn all these tips and tricks and what the trending makeup is and what the cheapest but best type thing that you can buy. So actually I have learned some new techniques in terms of putting makeup on.
Speaker 1:But it's really nice to sit there in the morning after your shower when the kids are not here, and to just sit and really make a conscious effort. I've never really been a huge one for makeup, just to put that out there. It's just whatever floats your boat. But I've never really felt they need to apply lots and lots of makeup. But actually I'm really enjoying the creative process of putting it on. You're taking really good care of your skin and I really enjoy taking off in the evening as well. It really I find when I've got makeup on that evening I'm really good at my skincare regime, because there's absolutely no way that I would go to bed with my makeup on. So I'll always do the whole cleans to moisturize through the overnight balm or whatever it is.
Speaker 1:You do that look youthful and when I was chatting to my coach about it, I said, god, I feel as if I'm really hyper fixating and putting my makeup on at the minute. But she said it's not a hyper fixation. What is it that you're actually doing? You know that you're being creative with your face. It's a bit like coloring in, only you're just using a different medium, and I just really enjoy it and find it very therapeutic. I'll be listening to a podcast or be watching a bit of glow up Britain's biggest glow up, or whatever it's called that as a makeup program, but they do look all really kind of oh, it's a word, huge, creative. They do all that SFX, makeup and stuff and I find it really interesting to watch all the different ideas and stuff in the colors and so yeah, I mean it might seem a bit as if I'm being a bit self-centred at the minute, but that is really my time for kind of unwinding before the day begins.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:But then I'll get up and I find that I'm motivated because you know I'm ready for the day. That's like my kind of war paint, almost. It kind of changes my mindset, I think.
Speaker 2:But I think that's a nice way of looking at it or understanding it, that it's you being creative. You know it's like colouring in just a different you know format, I suppose, and that's what, that's what you know I like about putting make up on. I don't often have the time, but I think you've got the time. I say I don't have a lot of time, I do have time, I just don't have the energy. I think, and I think for you to do that as part of your routine, it's a form of self-care, it's something you want to do, it's something you enjoy doing. You're not harming anybody, you're certainly not harming yourself, and so I think you know, embrace it. And I've watched your make up routine. I think we've had a full four hour full up.
Speaker 2:When you make one. It was fascinating. You're showing me the pallets and everything. I just can't get enough of it.
Speaker 1:And now just going to do a light brush over the eye, but I do think. I do find, though, that it's helpful to do one self-care task. That will lead to another. So, by the putting on, you know, I'll cleanse to an amosturised before I put the make up on, and then it forces me to then cleanse to an amosturised later on as well, because I want to take it off. So you know, it's one thing leading into another. The other self-care task I've been doing recently is I've created a wellbeing basket that I keep at the side of my bed. Say that again.
Speaker 2:And what kind of things do you have in your wellbeing?
Speaker 1:I've got like a couple of colouring in books, some colouring in pens and pencils. I've got a ball of wool and a crochet hook. I've got a sewing bag and a couple of little projects in it that you know the kids teddy bear needs stitched at the seams or whatever. So those are little tasks that I make sure I do at night time turn my phone off or put it on like a relaxation app and maybe sit and colour in or do some stitches and the kids teddy bears, just to repair them, so that it's you know, it's something that's not tic-toc or social media related that I'm doing before bed. Do you find that helps? Absolutely, do you sleep?
Speaker 2:Yes, Sleep, okay, yeah.
Speaker 1:I do sleep well.
Speaker 2:Is that since you started treatment? Yes, yeah, I would say so it's interesting to say it. Yeah, and that makes a huge difference, doesn't it sleeping oh?
Speaker 1:yeah, absolutely, and that I mean that's another form of self-care, isn't it? Sleeping, making sure that you're getting at least kind of seven to eight hours sleep a night, and the other thing that and when you've got sorry, I was just going to say we had a conversation, you and I, a few weeks ago in the phone and I showed you a book that I was reading about. Oh my God, I kind of remember the name of it. I'm trying to look up my pictures. It's something about how to keep house while you're drowning.
Speaker 2:Hold that I wrote down a note, but I'm going to find it. Oh, here we go. Yeah, I'm just trying to prove that I'm really organised and I'm writing down how to keep house while drowning.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, and it just really helps to reframe how you think about those chores around the house. You know you deserve to have a space that's clean and tidy and helpful for your mindset, etc. So I found that really beneficial because I've kept on top of my washroom, I've kept on top of my ironing which is very unusual for me, I don't even iron.
Speaker 2:Much to the disgust of most people. I'm going to start there. I've even been looking at ironing boards. It's like turning a bit of a leaf. One thing I found not one thing, loads of different things since starting treatment and I'm not actively getting any coaching at the moment is the ability to finish a task, and the motivation for me to do that is I don't want to have to come back later and do it Almost like it gives you you've got some kind of foresight, some ability to plan ahead, whereas typically we tend to really live in the moment, and not always in a good way.
Speaker 2:An example of that would be I moved to house about 94 times in the past 10 years and I always which I don't know why, but I don't know what caused that I just trapped chaos, obviously. I always I open to the boxes and I just leave the boxes or just create a pile. That's not in my line of sight. So it might be up just outside the door and I'll say now somebody else's job, I'm not doing that. Now. I've opened to the box, you sort of box out, but this time it's really silly. But honestly it's had a huge impact. I've flattened every box. As I've gone along. I've thought I'm going to I'm actually going to flatten that box because I don't have to do a big, huge load of them in one go. And as trivial as that sounds, it's small differences like that that have been quite noticeable for me.
Speaker 2:My energy levels, you know. I would always just want to sleep. I was sleeping in the afternoon a lot. I don't think I could sleep in the afternoon. Now. Well, I did. I tried the other day. I just felt so tired, but I couldn't. I couldn't sleep, and that's probably why I'm sleeping better at night as well. But sleep has always been a problem for me, and I think it does for a lot of us with ADHD, doesn't it?
Speaker 2:It's a problem at a young age and it's quite an interesting indicator, I think along with a lot of other stuff, and you know just those small differences in my attitude, yeah, so whereas.
Speaker 2:I'm doing that, yeah, and so you get this sense of people must think I'm lazy. You know my my grass doesn't cut. You know you were talking about that lady at the cake shop. I've come across ladies at the cake shop like that lots of times. It's not always at the cake shop. You know people who. Oh my gosh, what in Genzi didn't somebody take a picture of my car and said I'd parked badly, I didn't get it passed. Honestly, it wasn't that bad.
Speaker 1:It was a bit there's like a whole Facebook page dedicated for shaming people who parked badly.
Speaker 2:It's a unique community right.
Speaker 1:Come on Genzi.
Speaker 2:And all of these people, you know who, who might kind of look down on you because your grass doesn't cut properly at the front, or Carrons, carrons. I feel really bad for people called Karen, though, saying that, but a lot of it is men as well. So what's the equivalent? And it just always, and it always makes me feel like a silly little girl. I'm a silly little girl, just know what she's doing.
Speaker 2:There's a grown-up who's got their shit together telling me what, what I should be doing and what I'm doing wrong. And you know, I'm sick of it. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of people telling me that I'm doing things wrong. People don't even know You've parked wrong there, you've done this, or just me being frightened of being apprehended about that, because I think the fear of being apprehended comes from the knowledge that my reaction would be similar to your reaction to the cake shop, would be extreme and would be really distressing for me. And another one is you know, when you're cycling and I don't know, you might go a bit on pavement or something, and it's only for a little bit. You're doing things really bad and people shout things at you, or yeah.
Speaker 1:Oh, tell us the story about it. I remember you telling me a story about when Max was running alongside the bike, max being the dog, not my child.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we've both got dogs that are named after each of these children. Have a way, because you have a dog called Jack and I have a single.
Speaker 1:Jack.
Speaker 2:I have a dog called Max and you have a single Max. So it was around Christmas time and we were in Guernsey and I went out on my bike, like I often did with my golden retriever, who is very sensible, very well trained, and I would have him running alongside the bike on his lead. Again, I was very cautious, I wouldn't have to go too fast. If the cars were coming I would pull in. You know, I wasn't reckless with it at all and I would always try to go out with him.
Speaker 1:It wasn't going that long. Look at him, look at us skiing this and all.
Speaker 2:No, I'm not pulling him along, he's pulling me along on the bike. And this guy was walking up the hill as we were coming down and he shouted you, lazy cow. At me and it took me a second and I was like, oh, fuck off. Which is so unlike me, because normally I would just find someone crap. But God, I was really cross that this man had done this and I was in my head on something, this argument why is he calling me a lazy cow? He's saying it because he thinks I'm fat and I'm on a bike instead of walking my dog. That's probably what it is, right, I'm going to go find him. So I think I might have even left my husband a voice message saying this has just happened and I'm going to go find this guy because I'm going to have to go out with him.
Speaker 2:Hey.
Speaker 1:Six foot mail. We're on the non today, Going west up Victoria Road.
Speaker 2:Went on Victoria Road and I thought, oh, he's going to be in the Legion or somewhere, I'm having you, I'm having you, and I did a kid going around. Paul Max was exhausted by this point. He's like, oh, can we just give it a rest, let it go. I did not want to let it go. I was so cross and I didn't find him and I'm almost certain he would never listen to a podcast, certainly not this one, if you are Fuck off, fuck off and the thing is isn't it funny, though, how you have that kind of reaction.
Speaker 1:He was looking at the house.
Speaker 2:I could have thought OK.
Speaker 1:What I'm saying. Isn't it funny how you would have that reaction from a stranger. Why that man means absolutely nothing to you, you're almost an atom. But why does it invoke such an emotional reaction the way it does? And that, I think, probably feeds into the rejection, sensitive dysphoria, your emotional dysregulation.
Speaker 2:People say things like they're not worth it and yeah, I know we get that, but it's still.
Speaker 1:But you can't rationalise it at the time.
Speaker 2:Goes through that thread of I'm lazy, I'm this and that. Well, he told me lazy, even though he was yeah anyway. But I think, I do think I'm getting to a point where I just can't bear it anymore. So I'm getting less frightened of conflict and more assertive about myself, and I think that's something that comes actually with age. People say that, don't they? That's probably a big part of it. But why is he allowed to shout that at me? Why is that OK for him to do that? Why does he think that that's acceptable? Because I'm almost certain if I was a man on a bike, he wouldn't have done that.
Speaker 1:No.
Speaker 2:And that makes me.
Speaker 1:For fear of physical repercussion, isn't it?
Speaker 2:If I'd have found him, I think I'd have done more damage to him. Yeah, it's just, it's horrendous. It's people in vans, you know, not people in vans generally. I've been driving a van recently and I love it, but I would like to say, just going off the topic slightly, we've hired a transit van because we're moving house down a few pensions, and I'm driving it because my husband's lost his driving license. I actually have lost mine, anyway.
Speaker 1:I know.
Speaker 2:So we arrived at IKEA and I thought I'd just put a little lip gloss on before going, so pulled the visor down. There is no mirror on that visor. You'll have to have a word with Ford about that. We all like a little bit of lip gloss or lipstick. But quite frankly, I got into a spat with somebody around about there's a common denominator here. It seems to be me. I think I might need to do some reflection here.
Speaker 2:It was about which lane we were in. There's this really awkward roundabout in Chester and it causes a real backlog if the traffic lights on going in sequence. And this van was behind me and he was beeping me because I was blocking him, but because I was trying to get in that lane. Anyway, we was really cross and I was in the car with the girls and he started doing the Wonka sign at me. I wrote I was absolutely raging. So I took down the name of his van and his company and I sent this really long email to the company about using sexual offensive language. But no, he was doing the actions and I was like I had my children in the car and they were upset. They never responded to me, but you could say that I'm very caring for that. But I'm just fed up of people feeling they can tell you constantly what you're doing wrong, like no, you can't fuck off.
Speaker 1:Yeah. You know you can't yeah and having the confidence and the conviction yeah.
Speaker 2:And I don't fully have it Like, if I'm in the car and I'm kind of like getting cross at somebody and I don't tend to get cross kind of openly with people my default is I've done something wrong. What have I done wrong?
Speaker 1:Yeah, you automatically accept your responsibility.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but it bothers me all day, you know, it bothers me a lot Because I just, I really don't like being told off.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, exactly, and I don't either. And I remember being at school and primary school and just having that fear of being told off by the teacher, because it makes me very, very, very emotional, like just cry and cry and cry. And actually when I come across ladies in the Cape Shop look at the one that I did that day it's as if it takes me right back to that moment when I'm getting into trouble in primary two by Missy's Corbett or whoever. It just makes me go.
Speaker 2:Oh, don't shout at me. Don't shout at me.
Speaker 1:Like that kind of. In fact, it might even feed into a bit of that perfectionism. You know that just you can't possibly have done something wrong because I've tried so hard to do it right. Yeah, and when someone picks up on that imperfection it's difficult to digest.
Speaker 2:I know, but I feel fed up with the people feel they can pick up on your imperfections. Do you know what I mean? Yes, I'm not fair game. We're not fair game for criticism, because you know those of us who do struggle, like you and I have, and there's enough criticism going on in our brains.
Speaker 1:We don't really need enough criticism.
Speaker 2:We don't need anyone else to do that. So that really really bothers me. The woman in your cake shop and other people kind of shouting and telling off because you've parked incorrectly or you've, I don't know, you've been blown all over the place and you haven't picked your app or something. You know, these things that have to be very offensive. They obviously are. You're reeling them off. My executive functioning is not great sometimes and I just yeah, don't need to spotlight on it from people who have the effect you know, go away, fuck off, go off. We love to swear. Yeah, we love to swear.
Speaker 1:Explicit content. I'll just write that over 18s only. It's the same thing.
Speaker 2:Um yeah.
Speaker 1:I suppose that probably brings us to the end of this episode. Is there anything else that you want to add, Louise? I think if there's any, if there are any, um, anybody that wants to email in or you know, come in, just fire away email addresses. Adhdvazpodcast2 at gmailcom. Or you can just comment or link in with us on social media, because I'm sure we'll share the podcast everywhere, trying to get the listeners up.
Speaker 2:And also if anyone's got any queries or questions or experiences they want to share. That would be really helpful yeah if anybody wants to jump in.
Speaker 1:We interviewed on the podcast destroying in the chat. That would be fun to do.
Speaker 2:That would be really fun. Yeah, yeah, um, and we'll be back next week, I suppose.
Speaker 1:Yeah, same time same time, same time. Can we get bored?
Speaker 2:I'm bored, I'm off, I'm doing it.
Speaker 1:Thank you so much for tuning in to our podcast. This has been the ADHDVAS, Laura and Louise, and we'll see you same time, same place next week. Have a great week.